I Will Bear Witness A Diary Of The Nazi Years

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WILL BEAR WITNESS
1 9 3 3 - 1 9 41

A DIARY OF THE NAZI. YEARS

VICTOR KLEMPERER,

Critical acclaim for I Will Bear Witness

"Richer and more profoundly disturbing than Anne Frank's jour-
nals." — ■ Time

"To read his almost day-by-day account is a hypnotic experience; the
whole, hard to put down, is a true murder mystery — from the per-
spective of the victim. . . . Klemperer [writes] with a vivid power
that is, and I think will remain, unsurpassed."

— Peter Gay, The New York Times

"Few readers will fail to be moved, as I was— ultimately to the point
of tears." — Niall Ferguson, The Sunday Telegraph

"Has the immediacy and poignancy of unedited notes written in the
thick of experience. Extraordinary. . . . One of the shrewdest and
most meticulous observers of life under the Nazi regime."

— The New Republic

"This is history raw . . . full of shrewd observations on the nature
of the Nazi regime and the quality of the response of the German
people An extraordinary and important event."

— The New York Times

"This is color film of Nazi Germany after years of black and white.
Klemperer's diary deserves to rank alongside that of Anne Frank.
... It is certain to become not only the main primary source for his-
torians of the Nazi period, but also an essential read for anyone who
wishes to understand what it was like to be a Jew living in Germany
in the 1930s." — Philip Kerr, The Sunday Times (London)

"Exceptional. . . . Klemperer's uniquely vivid voice deserves to be
heard in the current debates surrounding Daniel Jonah Goldhagen's
wholesale indictment of 'ordinary Germans.'"

— The Times Literary Supplement

"The best written, most evocative, most observant record of daily life
in the Third Reich." — Amos Elon, The New York Times Magazine

"The most extraordinary German witness of Nazism that has yet
come to light . . . Klemperer . . . demonstrates that reason is not only
a quality of mind— in his case a deeply moral perception— but also
a cultural tradition of enormous value."

— Verlyn Klinkenborg, The New York Times

I WILL

A DIARY OF

BEAR

THE NAZI YEARS

WITNESS

1933—1941

VICTOR KLEMPERER

Translated by Martin Chalmers

X

THE MODERN LIBRARY
NEW YORK

1999 Modem Library Paperback Edition

Translation, preface, and notes copyright © 1998 by Martin Chalmers

All rights reserved under International and Pan-American Copyright
Conventions. Published in the United States by Random House, Inc., New York,
and simultaneously in Canada by Random House of Canada Limited, Toronto/

Modem Library and colophon are registered trademarks of Random House, Inc.

This translation was originally published in Great Britain
by Weidenfeld & Nicolson, London, and in the United States
by Random House, Inc., New York, in 1998.

First published in Germany under the title Ich will Zeugnis ablegen bis zum letzten:
Tagebucher 1933-1945 von Victor Klemperer. Copyright © Aufbau-Verlag GmbH,

Berlin, 1995.

Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Klemperer, Victor.

[Ich will Zeugnis ablegen bis zum letzten. English]

I will bear witness: the diaries of Victor Klemperer,
p. cm.

Contents: [1]. 1933-1941.

ISBN 0-375-75378-8 [1]

1. Klemperer, Victor, 1881-1960— Diaries.

2. French teachers— Germany— Diaries. 3. Philologists— Germany— Diaries.

4. Germany— History— 1933-1945— Sources. I. Title.

PC2064.K5A3 1998
943.086'092 — dc21
[B] 98-15429

Modem Library website address: www.modemlibrary.com
Printed in the United States of America
246897531

DESIGN BY MERCEDES EVERETT

Frontispiece photograph of Victor Klemperer by Eva Kemlein, Berlin.
Photograph on p. vi © Aufbau-Verlag GmbH.

I shall go on writing. That is my heroism.
I will bear witness, precise witness!

—May 27,1942

Eva and Victor Klemperer ; c. 1940.

PREFACE

The Lives of Victor Klemperer

Escape

At the beginning of February 1945, there were 198 registered Jews, includ-
ing Victor Klemperer, left in the city and the district of Dresden. The re-
mainder of the 1,265 who had been in the city in late 1941 had been
deported to Riga, to Auschwitz, to Theresienstadt.1 Many were shot or
gassed on arrival. Some had committed suicide on receiving notice of de-
portation. A handful survived.2 -

All the remaining Jews in Dresden had non-Jewish wives or husbands.
This had placed them in a relatively privileged position3 but dependent on
the courage and tenacity of their marriage partners. If the "Aryan" spouse
died or divorced them, they would immediately be placed on the deporta-
tion list. The majority of such couples and families had been ghettoized, to-
gether with the less privileged Jews, in a dwindling number of "Jews'

h°Q^Sthe morning of Tuesday, February 13, all Jews considered capable of
physical labor were ordered to report for deportation early on Friday, Feb-
ruary 16. The "mixed marriages" of Dresden were finally to be split up.
Victor Klemperer regarded this as a death sentence for himself and the
others. Then, "on the evening of February 13 the catastrophe overtook
Dresden: the bombs fell, the houses collapsed, the phosphorus flowed, the
burning beams crashed onto the heads of Aryans and non-Aryans alike,
and Jew and Christian met death in the same firestorm; whoever of the
bearers of the star was spared by this night was delivered, for in the gen-
eral chaos he could escape the Gestapo/ 4

Victor Klemperer and the other Jews who survived the Allied raid and
the subsequent firestorm had experienced a double miracle, had been

doubly lucky.

In the confusion following the destruction of the city, Victor Klemperer
pulled off the yellow Jew's star, and he and his wife merged with the other
inhabitants fleeing the city. It was easy enough for them to claim they had
lost their papers. Nevertheless, afraid of being recognized and de-
nounced, they went on the run across Germany for the next three months,
until the village they had reached in southern Bavaria was occupied by
American forces.

viii

PREFACE

Contradictions

On the night of the Dresden firestorm, when Victor Klemperer escaped
both the Allied bombs and the Gestapo, he was already sixty-three He
was bom in 1881, the youngest child of Wilhelm Klemperer, rabbi in the
little town of Landsberg on the Warthe (today the Polish town of Gorzow
Wielkopolski), in the eastern part of the Prussian province of Branden-
burg. Three brothers and four sisters survived into adulthood; the famous
conductor Otto Klemperer was a cousin, but there was little contact be-
tween the two parts of the family. By the time Victor was nine, his father,
after an unhappy interlude with the Orthodox congregation at Bromberg
(today Bydgoszcz), had been appointed second preacher of the Berlin Re-
form Congregation. The whole family appears to have felt relieved at the
change, and according to his autobiography, Victor immediately relished
the freedom and excitement of the big city.

Observance at the Reform Synagogue was extremely liberal. The ser-
vices themselves were conducted almost entirely in German, and on a
Sunday, heads were not covered, and men and women sat together. There
was no bar mitzvah; instead, at the age of fifteen or sixteen, boys and girls
were confirmed together on Easter Sunday. There were neither Sabbath re-
strictions nor dietary proscriptions. The sermons seem, to some degree, to
have expressed the ethical tradition of the German Enlightenment/ In
other words, services approximated Protestant practice, and Judaism here
became as rational and progressive as it could be while retaining a Jewish
identity. This was not the norm of Jewish congregations, but it is never-
theless exemplary of a tradition of merging with the dominant culture.
The Reform Synagogue can perhaps be regarded as something of a
halfway house to conversion to Protestantism, which had become com-
mon in Prussia since the early nineteenth century. (The parents of Karl
Marx and Felix Mendelssohn were among only the most prominent ex-
amples; conversion, of course, remained for a long time a condition of
state service.) Wilhelm Klemperer raised little objection when his own
sons were baptized as Protestants. Indeed, Victor Klemperer's three elder
brothers seem to have gone out of their way to deny their Jewish origins.
The biographical note prefacing the doctoral thesis of Georg Klemperer,
the oldest brother, begins with the words, “I was bom the son of a country
cleric." J

Georg Klemperer, sixteen years Victor's senior, was only in his thirties
by the time he had become a noted surgeon and one of Germany's most
respected medical men. Felix and Berthold Klemperer were also success-
ful, the former as a doctor, the latter as a lawyer. Berthold even married a
general's daughter. The sisters were much less free and had Jewish hus-
bands more or less chosen for them.

Wearying of school and perhaps even more of the tyranny of Georg,
who dominated the family after the move to Berlin, Victor Klemperer did
not continue into the upper grades. He became a commercial apprentice in

PREFACE K

a company that exported trinkets and souvenirs for sale in English seaside
resorts. This move seems to have convinced the eldest brother of Victor s
lack of ability and determination. Victor Klemperer was never to shake off
the feeling that his brother condescended to him and regarded him as a

dilettante. , . -r . ^

The apprenticeship, at any rate, did not lead anywhere. Victor Klem-
perer had entered it with dreams of future independence. Within three
years, however, intellectual and literary interests gained the upper hand;
he also became a passionate theatergoer. (It was during this period, in his
seventeenth year, that he began to keep a diary.) He went back to school,
attending the same grammar school in Landsberg as his brothers, and
lived in lodgings in the town. This time he completed his schooling and
became primus in his final year — something like head prefect.

He then enrolled at Munich University to study literature and lan-
guages and was increasingly drawn to French literature. He spent terms in
Geneva and Paris before returning to Berlin to complete the first part of
his university studies. It was in Geneva that he discovered Voltaire as a
writer and found his own spirit of tolerant skepticism confirmed. Femey
[where Voltaire lived in exile from France] was the best thing abou
Geneva," Klemperer later wrote, and the visit to Voltaire's house was like

3 PVktOT Klemperer had now found his way intellectually, but a commit-
ment to a figure like Voltaire was unlikely to make for a smooth academic
career Before 1914, the study of Romance literatures and culture m Ger-
man universities was dominated by hostility to the "superficial" ideas of
the French Enlightenment. In fact, Klemperer was unable to find a suitable
professor with whom to undertake a doctoral thesis on Voltaire and, to his
brothers' consternation, threw up his studies once again. For the next few
years, from 1905, he tried to make a living as a writer and literary journal-
ist At this point it may be worth noting that, for all the scholarlmess he
was to display in the future, Klemperer never seems to have felt really
comfortable with other academics, even liberal ones, or m conventional
middle-class settings in general. Although he loved teaching, he did not
deal very well with the social aspects of his profession. In his diaries he
often appears more at ease with "practical" people or with craftsmen.

Relations with several of his siblings went from bad to worse with
Klemperer's romance with Eva Schlemmer, a musician from a Protestant
family in Konigsberg. They married in 1906. The wedding did not find
favor with either family-on Eva's side because some of her relatives ob-
jected to her marrying a Jew, on Victor's side because his brothers did not
consider her a good enough match. Nevertheless, Victor Klemperer was to
share his life with her for the next forty-five years. And in this marriage,
"share" is the appropriate word. In a speech on the occasion of Klem-
perer's seventy-fifth birthday in 1957, the couple's longtime friend Au-
guste "Gusti" Lazar, who appears in the diaries under her married name
Wieghardt, said, "What especially fascinated me about the two Klemper-

PREFACE

ers, was the 'community of intellectual property' in which they lived and
worked." In his autobiography Curriculum Vitae, Klemperer wrote that as
a young man he had been convinced of the justice of women's emancipa-
tion. Whatever difficulties in the relationship are evident and implied
from the diaries and given that Victor Klemperer's writing and then aca-

emic career took precedence, it is clear that every aspect of intellectual
and political life was subjected to intense discussion.

Having abandoned the university and living in Berlin once more, Klem-
perer demonstrated a tremendous energy in producing poems, stories, an-
thologies, articles, reviews, and biographies, largely on contemporary
German themes. One of his most reliable sources of income came from lec-
tures on literary subjects that he gave to Jewish societies throughout Ger-
many, though it was in fact toward the end of this period that he converted
hfrly to Protestantism. The young couple had a particular enthusiasm for
the cinema and, in addition to a number of shorter pieces, Victor Klem-
perer wrote a study of Berlin film theaters and their audiences. It was also
at this time that he became friends with Siegfried "Friedel" Kracauer, later
to become famous for his writings on film and as a cultural historian and
theorist. They lost touch during the First World War.

It was a struggle to make ends meet in Berlin's literary world Never-
theless, Der Kinematograph, of September 25, 1912, as part of a feature enti-
tled "The Cinema in the Opinion of Prominent Contemporaries,"
introduced Victor Klemperer in the following terms: "A young combative
literary man who writes with rare courage and is not afraid to speak out
against established authorities."7

Inclination, as well as the need to make a living, pushed Klemperer
toward literary journalism, which he clearly practiced with some success.
He did not, however, make his mark as an author. He judged his efforts to
be failures, later even refusing a publisher's offer to reprint one of his sto-
nes. Subsequently, he also had mixed feelings about his freelance years al-
together, not least because he never quite managed to shake off the
accusation or suspicion that his scholarly work still had something jour-
nalistic about it. ° ’

Incidentally, although Klemperer was undoubtedly progressive in his
views, his "bohemian phase" did nothing to modify a lifelong aversion to
bohemian lifestyles, and he retained an enduring suspicion of long hair
and extravagant dress.

Return to University

Klemperer concluded that a doctorate would, if nothing else, enhance his
position as a journalist. Financially supported by his brothers once again,
he returned to Munich, found a sympathetic professor and in 1913 quickly
completed a dissertation on Friedrich Spielhagen, a nineteenth-century
German novelist. Spielhagen had been a liberal-democratic supporter of
the ideals of the 1848 revolutions and was one of the favorite writers of

PREFACE

xi

Klemperer's father. In Munich, Victor Klemperer also made the acquain-
tance of Karl Vossler, a liberal professor of Romance literature and lan-
guage. For all the differences — and resentments, not always justified, on
Klemperer's side — that emerged later, Vossler was to remain an abiding
influence. Klemperer wrote a postdoctoral habilitation thesis (in Germany
a habilitation thesis is a condition for professional appointment) on Mon-
tesquieu. In it he argued for Montesquieu to be seen as a writer as well as
a theorist or philosopher and that esthetic criteria were of determining im-
portance in the composition of the latter's major works. This dissertation
too was completed very rapidly, and with the distinction summa cum
laude. Then, in 1914, as he was turning the Montesquieu study into a
book, he accepted a post as lecturer in German literature at the University
of Naples, although still continuing as one of Vossler 's assistants.

War

Finally at ten o'clock we were sitting in the garden of the Hotel "Zur Sonne" [in
Riva, then in Austria]. It was June 28. The waiter came running toward us and
cried out: "The heir to the throne and his consort have been murdered in Sara-
jevo!" I said regretfully: "Oh!" and added with an apologetic smile: "But we are
dreadfully hungry. "8

What was to become known as the First World War began just as Victor
and Eva Klemperer had returned to Munich for the summer from Naples.
In 1940, when Klemperer was working on his autobiography, he chose to
interrupt the narrative at this point. Not to falsify his own responses, he
simply let his diary entries speak for his mood in the weeks immediately
preceding and following the outbreak of hostilities. From these it appears
that although he was not carried away by bellicose sentiments, he was
convinced, as a good liberal and patriot, that Germany's cause was a just
one. He nevertheless returned to his post in Naples, where he remained
until shortly before Italy entered the war on the Allied side in May 1915.

Back in Munich, Klemperer was declared fit for military service — he
had been rejected in 1903— and was enlisted as a cannoneer in the Bavar-
ian field artillery. He saw duty on the Western Front from November 1915
to March 1916 before succumbing to serious illness and being hospital-
ized. (His front-line service would be a source of "privilege" during the
Third Reich.) Klemperer was out of danger for the rest of the war. Follow-
ing convalescence, he was transferred to the army's book censorship office
on the eastern front, working first in Kovno (now Kaunas) in Lithuania,
then in Leipzig, where he was allowed to live in private accommodations
with his wife.

An Academic Career

The year and a half after the armistice in November 1918 was a period in
which Klemperer's disappointment at not being given a professorship

xii

PREFACE

merged with his disquiet at what was going on around him in Leipzig,
Munich and throughout Germany. As a liberal he had little sympathy for
the excesses and foolishness, as he saw it, of the Munich Councils Repub-
lic (the name, referring to workers' councils, given to the final phase of So-
cialist revolutionary activity in the Bavarian capital in the spring of 1919).
He did, however, have an insight into the latter episode, because his old-
est and closest friend, Hans Meyerhof, who had been his fellow apprentice
in Berlin between 1897 and 1900, was involved on the revolutionary side.
At the same time Klemperer was filled with unease and dread at the open
expressions of anti-Semitism on the part of the government troops and the
irregular units that suppressed the Left in Bavaria and elsewhere. Politi-
cally, nothing gave him encouragement. At the time of the attempted
right-wing coup d'etat known as the Kapp Putsch, he wrote in his diary, " I
would gladly see the people of the present coup put up against the wall,
and I truly cannot feel any enthusiasm for an army which has broken its
oath [i.e., to the Republic] . . . but not really for the 'legitimate' Ebert gov-
ernment either, and even less for the radical Left. I detest them all. What is
there that embodies the democratic, the German, the humane ideal? I am
a neutral observer." A few days later he corrected himself: In politics there
were greater and lesser evils. "My sympathies are with no one, but if I
have to choose, then rather the Councils Republic than the gentleman of-
ficers and anti-Semites."9

"What is there that embodies the democratic, the German, the humane
ideal," Klemperer asked himself in his diary. For his own life, of course, he
already knew the answer: It lay in the tireless curiosity, the questioning,
the generous standards of debate of his heroes Voltaire and Montesquieu
and of the other thinkers of the Enlightenment.

Thanks to Vossler, Klemperer was called to the chair of Romance lan-
guages and literature at Dresden Technical University in 1920. From then
until his dismissal in 1935, he pursued his scholarly work and university
commitments with extraordinary energy, just as he had done as a literary
journalist fifteen years before. He introduced modem French literature in
histories and anthologies for students and general readers, presented his
own approach in numerous specialized essays, edited a scholarly journal,
and wrote a study of the dramatist Corneille before embarking on ex-
tended study and comparison of "the century of Voltaire and Rousseau."
During this time, he was still partly guided by notions of "essential na-
tional characters," which the events of 1933 and after forced him to reject.
Despite that, it would be right to see Klemperer's work during these years
as a contribution to Franco-German understanding and as an ongoing cri-
tique of the German academy's dominant francophobia. There were also
distinguished mediators between France and Germany outside the uni-
versities, Siegfried Kracauer, for example, and Walter Benjamin and his
mentor Franz Hessel, to mention names known outside Germany. Nor
was Klemperer's the only voice within the universities to challenge the

PREFACE

xiii

opposition postulated between supposed German "depth" and French
"superficiality."10 Nevertheless, Klemperer was certainly part of a minority.

These were not, in fact, years of unalloyed happiness for the Klemper-
ers. In professional terms, the humanities section of a technical university
did not rank very highly. The Dresden professorship should have been a
stepping stone to a more respected university chair, and Klemperer expe-
rienced considerable frustration as he saw himself passed over for ap-
pointments at "proper" universities. Already somewhat isolated from the
mainstream, he made his situation worse by quarreling with Vossler, who
felt Klemperer's work drew in too much historical and general cultural
material. Of Erich Auerbach, later to become famous as the author of
Mimesis, who had succeeded Leo Spitzer at Marburg University, he notes
in his diary— four years later, which shows how much being passed over
on this occasion must have rankled — "A young man, who was still un-
known as a scholar when I was already a professor. A Jew, an esthete and
he has managed it, and I am growing old, am the 'previous generation
have been left behind in a second-rate post, once and for all. Agam and
again I tell myself that the pain of vanity is pointless, that fame, even great
fame, always exists only among a small circle and for a short time; but all
such philosophical comfort does not get one anywhere. Only work helps,
work without thought for its worth. 11

During these years also, Eva Klemperer suffered increasingly from ill
health, perhaps hypochondria, certainly depression, possibly related to
the subordination of her career to that of her husband. At times the couple
seem bound together by their illnesses, real and imagined. Nevertheless,
nothing appeared to stem Victor Klemperer's prodigious work rate. In ad-
dition to his writing and a relatively modest teaching load, he was also -in-
volved in educational reform in the state of Saxony, of which Dresden
was — and is again — the capital, and was constantly traveling to confer-
ences and to give lectures. It should not be thought, however, that the
Klemperers led a quiet life. They were very sociable and had time for
lengthy cruises to South America and to the Mediterranean. But what per-
haps gave the couple the greatest pleasure was their shared and continu-
ing passion for the cinema, for cinema at its most populist; their cinema
mania" was only temporarily dampened by the advent of sound, which
Victor Klemperer, like so many others at the time and after, held to repre-
sent a dilution of the power of film images.

1933-45

There is no need to summarize Victor Klemperer's life, experiences, and
survival during these twelve years. The diaries for this period, as pub-
lished in the present volume, begin rather abruptly. Inevitably so, since
they represent only a section of the journals that Victor Klemperer kept all
his life. But this section chronicles in unparalleled detail the progressive

xiv

PREFACE

elimination of every private space, the arbitrary cruelty toward those
whom the regime defined as Jews, and finally the operation of an opaque
(to those who were its victims) apparatus of extermination, that worked
slowly, stretching out time to impose an agony of anticipation. Not only
does it do so from the inside , as it were, from the perspective of those sub-
jected, but uniquely it does so from the first day to the last of the Third
Reich.

Victor Klemperer was not dismissed from his post, a state appointment,
when the Nazis came to power at the beginning of 1933. Because of his"
war record, he was allowed to lecture to an ever dwindling band of stu-
dents. Even when he was dismissed in 1935, officially it was not because
he was a Jew, but because he was surplus to requirements as the govern-
ment cut back student numbers and deemed French literature irrelevant
to a technical university. This was lucky for Klemperer, because it meant
that he was allowed a pension, which continued to be paid to him, even
though, after the November 1938, pogrom, there were increasingly inge-
nious and draconian deductions.

This pension helped give the couple a certain room to maneuver. At
Eva Klemperer's urging they had already built a house in Dolzschen, a vil-
lage to the west of Dresden. After he lost his job, Victor Klemperer took
driving lessons and bought a car. These were two ways of gaining a little
more freedom in the face of dictatorship. The Klemperers continued to
hope that soon the whole thing would blow over like a bad dream, that the
Nazis would devour each other or that someone— the army, foreign pow-
ers—would put an end to it. But, above all, the defiance that Victor Klem-
perer practiced, the space he asserted, was that of his scholarship. The
very fact that he continued to write expressed his conviction that the
Nazis would not and could not last and prevented him from falling into
despair at the blows to his professional self-esteem, to his confidence in
the German nation and to himself as a German. When he can no longer
work on his book on the eighteenth century, he begins his autobiography.
Curriculum Vitae. When he can no longer work on his autobiography, he
holds fast to his diary and intensifies his observations and reflections on
Nazi language, drawing on material that is all around him. He gives his
notes the title LTI, for Lingua tertii imperii , to be at once his own code and
to mock the dictatorship's obsessive use of abbreviations and foreign
words.

The point at which some kind of normal life, under the conditions of a
racist dictatorship, becomes impossible is the November 1938 pogrom
( Kristallnacht ) and not the war that begins less than a year later with the
German attack on Poland. The pogrom is at once the peak and conclusion
of mob violence against Jews and the date when what could still be con-
sidered harassment of a minority gives way to the measures that lead to
the "Final Solution." It is the point at which Jews realize that there is no
one and nothing to protect them. The measures that affect the Klemperers'
own lives come thick and fast: the ban on Jews owning cars, on using pub-

PREFACE

xv

lie libraries, cinemas, swimming pools, on entering parks; the bans on tele-
phones, radios and typewriters; the ban on Jews owning pets; the curfew
for Jews; the ban on Jews buying tobacco and cigarettes, on buying flow-
ers; reduced food rations for Jews. And so on.

In May 1940, the Klemperers are forced to rent out their home and
move into a Jews' House. While in the first of several Jews' Houses, Victor
Klemperer is charged with an offense against the blackout regulations. He
goes to prison for a week in July 1941, and is held in solitary confinement.

A trivial sentence, perhaps, compared to the sufferings of many then and
of the even greater death and suffering still to come, but the reader cannot
help but be in suspense as to whether he will get out. But he is lucky and
is released at the end of his sentence.

The climax of the indignities to which Jews still living in Germany were
forced to submit was the yellow star, the wearing of which became com-
pulsory on September 19, 1941. Nowhere was the Jew to feel safe, she or
he was to be marked out, present but already exiled in the middle of the
crowd. For days Klemperer was unable to summon up the courage to
leave the Jews' House and go out into the street with the yellow star dis-
played on his chest.

In autumn 1941, it was also made impossible for Jews to emigrate
legally from Germany. But what had prevented Victor Klemperer from
leaving the country before that date? Why had the 163,000 Jews still re-
maining in Germany not left, as the Nazis had encouraged them to do?12
One factor was age: two thirds of those left were over forty-five, with a
much higher proportion of women; then there were the restrictions on im-
migration imposed by potential host countries. The German state made it
increasingly difficult to take assets out, and assets were required to enter
other countries (legally, at least). If emigration had been delayed because
a person was reluctant to abandon relatives, home, possessions, friends, or
because a person regarded him or herself as German, or for all those rea-
sons, in late 1941 there came a point at which it was too late to leave.

But every decision or set of decisions was individual, as Victor Klem-
perer's diary shows. First, there was the house, which gave his wife a
place, a role, in that she designed and furnished it and looked after a large
garden. Then there was Klemperer's fear that he would be unable to earn
a living abroad, was too old to make a new start and that he would be de-
pendent on the charity of his brother Georg, who had emigrated to the
United States in 1935. Also, he never quite abandoned hope that somehow
the Nazi dictatorship would fall or be overthrown. If Klemperer was sub-
ject to fits of despair at the behavior of "seventy-nine and a half million
out of eighty million Germans," he never rejected his German identity. He
records the step-by-step humiliation of Jewry and the abuse on the streets.
However, from the dianes it is clear that many Germans, not least ordi-
nary" ones, shopkeepers or laborers, were not blinded by anti-Semitism
and expressed their support or helped the couple in some way. It is diffi-
cult, therefore, to reconcile the evidence of I Will Bear Witness with the ar-

xvi

PREFACE

gument of Daniel Goldhagen in Hitler’s Willing Executioners: Ordinary Ger-
mans and the Holocaust, which proposes the existence of an all-pervasive
eliminationist anti-Semitism" as the common sense of Nazi and pre-Nazi
Germany.13 Goldhagen's book is symptomatic of a tendency to search for
simple, unambiguous, single-cause explanations for the mass murder of
Jews by Nazi Germany The corollary of this search is a reversion, more
generally observable in the 1990s, to arguments, however framed, of na-
tional character and also, in the particular German case, to discredited no-
tions of a German Sonderweg, a uniquely skewed course of German
history

Certainly, gestures and acts of support by non-Jewish Germans became
more difficult and dangerous as Jews were increasingly subjected to shop-
ping restrictions and were forced to wear the star. (In fact, Klemperer often
found public expressions of sympathy as painful as abuse.) The marking
of the Jews with the yellow star was the immediate prelude to the begin-
ning of the deportation of German Jews to the ghettos and death camps.
As noted earlier, it was thanks to his front-line service in World War I, to his
wife, and to luck that Victor Klemperer escaped deportation, and survived.

Homecoming

To just once eat well again, to drink well, to drive well, to go to the seaside, to
sit comfortably in the cinema ...No 20 year-old can be half as hungry for
life . . . And with all of that it makes me happy, that E. is working on HER
HOUSE, on HER garden and is coming to life again. (June 23, 1945)14

In the years after 1945, anyone traveling on the commuter trains from Dresden-
Plauen to Dresden Central, which remained as packed as in wartime, might have
observed, among the crowds, a small, not especially conspicuous man, a little bent
perhaps by decades of industrious work at his desk. This was Prof. Dr. Dr. Victor
Klemperer. (Gerhard Wiesner, 1961)15

The last entry of the second volume of / Will Bear Witness ends with the
beautifully simple sentence: "Am spateren Nachmittag stiegen wir nach
Dolzschen hinauf" — "In the late afternoon we walked up to Dolzschen."
It is Klemperer's modest confirmation of the fact that they are still alive, of
the fact that their own house is still standing. That was on June 10, 1945.
(The actual account of the journey from southern Germany, much of it on
foot, was not completed until some weeks later.)

The German edition of the diaries Victor Klemperer kept during the last
part of his life until his death in 1960 are still being prepared for publica-
tion. What has appeared in the meantime, however, is a short volume con-
taining, virtually uncut, the entries of the period from June 1945 to the end
of the year. This volume has been given the title Und noch ist alles schwank-
end Everything is still in the balance — a phrase that is repeated and var-
ied throughout these months.

There is no doubt that, after all he and Eva have come through, he has
no intention of leaving Germany. It is hardly defiance, merely something

PREFACE

xvii

taken for granted, even though it is during these months that the scale of
the murder of the Jews finally becomes clear. Those who survived the fire-
storm return, no one else. Yet once again, Klemperer is determined to pick
up the threads of his work, and he soon begins reading through his diaries
to compile the material for his book on Nazi language (LTI), even though
he has only a vague promise of publication. Almost immediately he is
worrying about the future of his academic career. He is also tentatively be-
ginning to make a commitment to a political party. He still sees himself as
a skeptic in the tradition of Voltaire and as a German patriot. "I am Ger-
man and I'm waiting for the Germans to return," he wrote on May 30,
1942, "they have gone into hiding somewhere" — a sentence much quoted
since the publication of I Will Bear Witness. Klemperer, one can say, was
German, and had returned, with every intention of working for a better
Germany.

Before the year was out, he had joined the Communist Party (KPD)
and, for the first time in his life, participated in a political demonstration,
for the victims of Fascism. In a general sense, this might appear unsur-
prising; the KPD might still be regarded as an inheritor of an enlighten-
ment tradition; the Communists, if one disregards the period after the
Hitler-Stalin pact, had been virtually the only consistent resisters during
the twelve years of the Third Reich; and Klemperer himself had always
felt more at ease with the "little people," as he does now with the local
Communists who had spent time in prison and in camps. Furthermore,
the KPD promised— although Klemperer was well aware of the limits of
that promise — to make the most radical break with Nazism. What makes
his decision surprising, nevertheless, is the harshness of his criticism of
Russian policy and of the KPD, as revealed in his journal of these months.
Not least, he is constantly alive to the continuities between Nazi and Com-
munist discourse. (It is perhaps due to these criticisms, as well as to the
hostility to Communism in I Will Bear Witness , that before 1989 only ex-
tracts from Klemperer's diaries and autobiography were published in
East Germany.)

There are perhaps two reasons, apart from the general grounds men-
tioned above, that persuaded Klemperer to join the Communist Party. One
was very practical. To get full recognition as a "victim of Fascism he had
to join a political party. Secondly, he was determined that those academics,
notably at Dresden University, who had given intellectual support to
Nazism, should be punished for their actions, and for this he needed po-
litical backing. At the very least they should not be able to continue as
teachers as if nothing had happened. He had a particular animosity to his
onetime friend, the historian Johannes Kuhn, who had broken off contact
with Klemperer in 1935, and who had penned propaganda articles. Yet, in
July 1945, he had the effrontery to approach Klemperer and greet him as if
they had last seen one another only the previous week. (One of the most
furious outbursts in Klemperer's diaries was provoked by Johannes
Kuhn. In an entry dated August 16, 1936, Klemperer wrote, "If one day the

xviii

PREFACE

situation were reversed and the fate of the vanquished lay in my hands,
then I would let all the ordinary folk go and even some of the leaders, who
might perhaps after all have had honorable intentions and not known
what they were doing. But I would have all the intellectuals strung up,
and the professors three feet higher than the rest; they would be left hang-
ing from the lampposts for as long as was compatible with hygiene.")

By 1945 Klemperer would not and could not be as generous as he might
have been in 1936. There was certainly no slackening in his anger at Kuhn
and his like. Nevertheless, Klemperer's campaign seems to have had little
success. In 1946 Kuhn was appointed to a chair at Leipzig and in 1949 he
went west to Heidelberg University.

For a full understanding of the ambivalences of Klemperer's position in
the Soviet zone of occupation and in the later German Democratic Repub-
lic (East Germany) we shall have to wait for the publication of the final
volumes of diaries. Whatever they may reveal, Klemperer's social and
scholarly engagement did not diminish. He worked in adult education, on
Nazi language, and he completed the book on Voltaire and Rousseau that
he had begun in the 1930s. He was made professor in Greifswald, then in
Berlin and in Halle. He served in the GDR's People's Chamber and repre-
sented GDR scholarship abroad. His specific approach to the Enlighten-
ment, however, which was at the heart of his life's work, made him
something of an isolated figure, but he did not waver in his public com-
mitment to the GDR. There is a nice illustration of the peculiarity of his po-
sition in a defense of the "classical" heritage in a short article that he wrote
for the Nationalzeitung in Berlin in 1957. 16

At the center of the piece is an anecdote about Lenin, which at first sight
might seem like hagiography. At the time of the hardest battles (i.e., of the
Revolution), Lenin sends a request to a Moscow library for a Greek dictio-
nary, which he requires for something he is working on. Klemperer goes
on to say that the Socialist October Revolution, in the person of its initia-
tor, did not separate "old and new humanism." In other words, in Klem-
perer s hands the Lenin anecdote becomes a plea and an argument for the
continuing worth of a classical — Latin and Greek — education in a context
dominated by a practical and instrumental attitude to schooling and by
the demands of industry and science.

In his final years, Victor Klemperer remained as active as ever, but he
had set himself between all possible stools once again. This undoubtedly
contributed to the neglect of his work after his death in 1960. For the West,
he was tainted by association with the GDR and Communism, for the
East, he was insufficiently "materialist."

Busy to the last, Victor Klemperer suffered a heart attack while attend-
ing a conference in Brussels. According to the editor of a memorial volume
published in 1961, he had been weakened by a lengthy tour of China. Vic-
tor Klemperer died in Dresden, aged seventy-eight. He was buried in the
suburb of Dolzschen where, against all the odds, he and Eva Klemperer,
who had died nine years earlier, had made their home.

PREFACE

xix

The Quality of the Diaries

The German edition of the diaries Victor Klemperer kept during the Third
Reich appeared without fanfare in 1995. Within a very short time they had
become a runaway publishing success (over 140,000 copies of the 1,500-
page hardback edition have been sold). More than that, however, for the
German reading public at large it has become one of the key works
through which the Third Reich and the murder of the Jews is understood.
There have been radio readings of the diaries, a CD, thousands of people
in Austria and Germany have attended theater readings, and a television
serialization is under way.

The genocide carried out by Nazi Germany has increasingly come to be
seen as a defining event of European history. This process of definition
was intensified between 1989 and 1995 by the fiftieth anniversary cere-
monies of the Second World War and the defeat of Fascism and Nazism. In
addition to the huge quantity of earlier publications, many thousands of
books dealing with the Nazi period have been published, as well as nu-
merous memoirs. What, then, are the particular qualities of Victor Klem-
perer's diaries that make them stand out, that make them a reference
point? There is no space here to address the whole context, historiograph-
ical and otherwise, in which the diaries appeared; I shall attempt to out-
line only their most distinctive features.

The 1930s and 1940s were decades in which the pressure to keep a diary
was especially acute. People wrote down in the privacy of their notebooks
what they dared not say openly, although even in them there was circum-
locution and self-censorship, the effects of the fear of denunciation and
discovery. In Germany, as elsewhere, many diaries and memoirs were
published in the years immediately after 1945, the number increasing once
more in the 1980s and 1990s, as survivors of the earlier period were able to
take stock of their lives. Among all these journals and autobiographies,
Victor Klemperer's diaries are unique.

First, they were not written with publication in mind and were never
reworked to iron out contradictions and repetitions, to make them stylisti-
cally more appealing, to revise judgments or to make retrospective justifi-
cations. His words and responses have a rare immediacy. The diaries
primarily reflect Klemperer's own need to settle accounts with the events
of the day as they affected his own life. As Klemperer grew older, they
were more consciously intended to provide source material for his own
autobiography, which he worked on for three years from 1939, and then
for his book on Nazi language, its functions and effects, which was pub-
lished shortly after the war. As already mentioned I Will Bear Witness is no-
table in being a chronicle by a Jew of all twelve years of the Nazi Reich.
Perhaps more important, the chronicler himself displayed a disarming
honesty and directness. His task, as he saw it, was not, in the first instance,
to note the great events; there are newspapers and history books for that.
Rather he wanted to set down the everyday details, because one could

XX

PREFACE

never tell what might later turn out to be significant, and to record his own
life in all its moments of cantankerousness, suspicion, hypochondria and
bad temper. Yet at the same time this chronicler and analyst of the quotid-
ian in monstrous times never forgets his scholarly and linguistic training.
Judgments are made, contradicted and revised, yet nothing is deleted to
make the chronicler appear in a better light; the very lack of self-
censorship gives rise to more or less involuntary comedy as with the
Klemperers' troubles with their secondhand car. Oddly, and no doubt un-
fairly, Victor Klemperer's own self-obsession as a diarist means that his
wife, while a constant presence, does not take on a substantial character of
her own. On the one hand, this is the person to whom, in large part, he
owes his life, on the other, Eva Klemperer often seems reduced to a bundle
of whims and symptoms.

It is certainly not always the case that length, sheer volume and accu-
mulation of detail contribute to the fascination of a text, although it is
more true of a diary than of any other form. It is, however, especially true
of I Will Bear Witness. It is an essential annotation of the criminal night-
mare, which Nazi Germany was, but as a journal its power and fascination
are also due to the character, Victor Klemperer, that it creates.

In 1905, Victor Klemperer had given up the chance, for a while at least,
of continuing his academic career. Instead, he hoped to become a writer.
This episode proved to be an interlude, both because the attraction of
scholarship proved too strong, and because Klemperer did not have suffi-
cient confidence in achieving recognition as an author. That recognition
has now come posthumously both for the 1933-1945 diaries, the subse-
quently published 191&-1932 journals and for his marvelous auto-
biography, Curriculum Vitae , which covers the years until 1918. With these
works Victor Klemperer has after all become a part not only of German
but also of European and world literature.

Appendix: A Note on the Translation

The published German edition of Victor Klemperer's Diaries 1933-1945,
Ich will Zeugnis ablegen bis zum letzten is an abridgment by its editor, Wal-
ter Nowojski, of the original German manuscript. For an English-
language edition further abridgment was judged necessary to reduce the
size of the work and make it accessible to a wide readership. These cuts
are of three kinds: A diary which has not been kept or revised with publi-
cation in mind will inevitably include many repetitions, some of which
should be retained because they are evidence of what is important to the
writer, etc. Nevertheless, it was possible to scale down the number of rep-
etitions without affecting the general tone of the work. Secondly, it was
also possible to eliminate a number of incidents and reminiscences, for ex-
ample, of Berlin in the 1890s, which were not central to Victor Klemperer's
life during this period or at least to reduce their length. Futhermore, while
the gathering of material on Nazi language, which later went under the

PREFACE

xxi

heading "LTT in his diaries, was increasingly important as the only intel-
lectual project left to him (he called it his "balancing pole"), a proportion
of his evidence and commentary would have been incomprehensible
without lengthy explanation of context and language. So cuts were possi-
ble, indeed necessary, here too. I have tried to keep the notes as brief as
possible, consistent with enlightening the reader as to persons and events.
I have taken over or adapted some of the notes in the German edition, cut
others (biographical data on eighteenth-century French writers, for exam-
ple) and added notes on events and phenomena that are likely to be less
familiar to the English-language reader. Finally, I have generally retained
Victor Klemperer's own dating of the diary entries. There are obvious in-
consistencies, but I felt that attempting to adjust days and dates would
only cause greater problems.

Martin Chalmers
London, 1998

Notes

1. In 1933, the number of Jews registering as Jewish by confession had been 4,675.
Figures in Heike Liebsch, 'Tin Tier ist nicht rechtloser und gehetzter: Die Ver-
folgung und Vemichtung der judischen Bevolkerung Dresden s 1933-1937"
and Nora Goldenbogen, "Man wird keinen von ihnen wiedersehen: Die Ver-
nichtung der Dresdener Juden 1938-1945," both in Hannes Heer (ed.), Im
Herzen der Finstemis. Victor Klemperer als Chronist der NS-Zeit (Berlin, 1997).

2. For the fates of a cross section of Dresden's Jews, including many of those men-
tioned in Victor Klemperer's diaries, see the letter by Heinz Mayer to Rudolf
Apt, printed as "Am Beispiel Dresdens" in Gerhard Schoenbemer (ed.), Wir
haben es gesehen. Augenzeugenberichte uber die Judenverfolgung im 3. Reich (Wies-
baden, 1988), pp. 413-417. The original is in the Wiener Library, London.

3. Just how relative and precarious is made clear in the diaries. Victor Klemperer,
however, seems to have been unaware of the demonstrations in Berlin, in
March 1943, by the "Aryan" wives of Jews who had been rounded up for de-
portation. Afraid of provoking further disturbances, the Nazi authorities re-
lented on this occasion and released the menfolk. The Nazis, of course, viewed
this merely as a temporary postponement of their plans to rid Germany com-
pletely of Jews. Nevertheless, the Rosenstrasse protest undoubtedly also saved
Victor Klemperer's life, even if he did not know it at the time. On the Rosen-
strasse protest, see Nathan Stoltzfus, Resistance of the Heart: Intermarriage and the
Rosenstrasse Protest in Nazi Germany (New York and London, 1996).

4. Victor Klemperer, LTI: Notizbuch eines Philologen. The book was first published
in 1947. I'm quoting from the 5th Reclam (Leipzig) edition (1978), p. 273.

5. He was well aware of this himself. In one of several remarks in his diaries that
refer to his clumsiness in sociable gatherings, he notes, "I made a fool of myself
in front of the Klemperers [a banking family of the same name in Dresden]. It's
incomprehensible: giving speeches and at any lectern I am so sure of myself
at private parties I'm a failure. I don't know how to move, everything worries

xxii

PREFACE

me, I lack all calm and freedom." In Victor Klemperer, Leben sammeln, nichtfragen
wozu and warum. Tagebucher 1918-1924 , October 4, 1921 (Berlin, 1996), p. 511.

6. Auguste Lazar, "Menschliche Unmittelbarkeit" in Fritz Zschech (ed.), Victor
Klemperer zum Gedenken (Nordhausen, 1961), p. 32.

7. Quoted in Harms Zischler, Kafka geht ins Kino (Reinbek b. Hamburg, 1996)
p. 159.

8. Victor Klemperer, Curriculum Vitae. Erinnerungen 1881-1918 (Berlin, 1989), p. 167.

9. Victor Klemperer, Leben sammeln, nicht fragen wozu und warum. Tagebucher
1918-1924 (Berlin, 1996), pp. 245 and 250.

10. See Michael Nerlich in a number of publications, esp. "Victor Klemperer Ro-
manist Oder warum soli nicht mal ein Wunder geschehen?" in Hannes Heer
(ed.), as above. Nerlich has made a spirited advocacy of the importance of Vic-
tor Klemperer's contribution to literary studies. Other commentators have
been more cautious, suggesting that the undoubted importance of Klemperer's
autobiographical work and of his diaries should not lead to an exaggerated es-
timation of Klemperer as a scholar. Joseph Jurt presents a very fair summary of
the case ("Michael Nerlich [ed.], Victor Klemperer— Romanist, no special de la
revue lendemains 82/83," unpub. review ms. 1996). What is without doubt is
the importance of the study of the Enlightenment to Klemperer personally. Not
least, it was of crucial importance in allowing him to cope with his situation
after 1933: In the spirit of the men of the Enlightenment Klemperer found an
antidote to National Socialism." (Jurt)

11. Victor Klemperer, Leben sammeln, nicht fragen wozu und warum. Tagebucher
1925-1932, January 6, 1931 (Berlin, 1996), p. 675.

12. For a useful summary of figures on emigration, etc. see Monika Richarz, "Ein-
leitung" in Burger auf Widerruf: Lebenszeugnisse deutscher Juden 1780-1945
(Stuttgart, 1986), pp. 46-52.

13. See Darnel Jonah Goldhagen, Hitler's Willing Executioners: Ordinary Germans
and the Holocaust (New York, 1996).

14. Und so ist alles schwankend: Tagebucher Juni bis Dezember 1945 (Berlin, 1995), p. 30.

15. Gerhard Wiesner, Volkstiimlichkeit des Erziehens, in Fritz Zschech (ed.), as
above.

16. Nationalzeitung (15/9/57) reprinted in Fritz Zschech (ed.), as above, pp. 166-167.

CONTENTS

PREFACE: The Lives of Victor Klemperer vii

1933 1

1934 47

1935 105

1936 147

1937 205

1938 245

1939 287

19 4 0 325

1941 367

NOTES 457

CHRONOLOGY 499

INDEX 5°3

1933

January 14, Saturday

Rectoral election. After a great deal of plotting and scheming Reuther was
elected for the second time and Gehrig was defeated. It was a dirty busi-
ness; they pulled a fast one on our section. Despite my participation in the
"Whispering Committee" I felt inwardly almost unmoved. It bothered me
just as little that yesterday evening (section meeting) Beste became dean.

The miseries of the new year the same as before, the house, the cold,
lack of time, lack of money, no hope of credit, Eva's obsession with build-
ing the house, and her desperation, still growing. This business will really
be the end of us. I can see it coming and feel helpless.

The Hueber court case also plagues me greatly, robs me of time and is
not going well. I should have accepted the 250M I was offered; at law the
man's got the advantage over me. With all these distractions the "Image of
France" is at a standstill.

Two little things have been agreed with the Dresdener NN. Little things
(Stendhal anniversary, the new Spain), but they take up time too. Then the
lectures, which are always an effort, and the domestic misery (lighting
stoves, dusting, drying dishes — precious hours).

[...]

Yesterday afternoon Liesel Sebba was here (much aged) and the young
Kohlers. From time to time our usual evening guests. Nickelchen was cas-
trated on January 3, and now the two cats are together a lot. I sometimes
have the impression that they are the only thing that is a pure joy to Eva
and that give her a firm hold on life.

January 24, Tuesday

Annemarie here on Sunday, told us Fritz Kopke, the newspaperman
(Harms circle) died in Leipzig. Just over forty. That shook me. I said to
Annemarie: Where is his immortal soul? There are happy people who
firmly believe in it. Annemarie, almost shocked, very vigorously: "But
Victor! Every Christian does!" And afterward, "If there wasn't even the
prospect that later things will be better!" So she, the surgeon, who has the
corpse, the brain under her knife, who has a university education — and
yet quite evidently for all her cynicism and lack of religiosity — is at bot-
tom a believer, or at least hopes —

[...]

4

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

February 21, afternoon

[...]

Increasingly I fall back on reading aloud. Own work almost completely
at a standstill. A review for the Germ.-Rom. Liter aturblatt, that's all. I've put
aside the "Image of France" once again. Perhaps during the holidays. On
the one hand I'm tortured by lack of time: a drudge lighting stoves, wash-
ing up, shopping; on the other a sense of worthlessness. What difference
does it make if I leave behind one book more or less! Vanitas. . . .

Lectures are coming to an end. Today is my last Tuesday because it's
carnival next week. For some while I've been reading the Italy course to
four, five people. Monday the conclusion of the France course — next se-
mester the lecture theater will be even more gapingly empty. Things are
throttled more and more.

For something like three weeks now the depression of the reactionary
government. I am not writing a history of the times here. But I shall nev-
ertheless record my embitterment, greater than I would have imagined I
was still capable of feeling. It is a disgrace, which gets worse with every
day that passes. And there's not a sound from anyone and everyone's
keeping his head down, Jewry most of all and their democratic press. One
week after Hitler's appointment we were (on February 5) at the Blumen-
felds with Raab. Raab, busybody, political economist, chairman of the
Humboldt Club, made a big speech and declared it was necessary to vote
for the German Nationals, so as to strengthen the right wing of the coali-
tion. I vehemently took issue with him. More interesting his opinion that
Hitler will end in religious madness . . . what is strangest of all is how one
is blind in the face of events, how no one has a clue to the real balance of
power. Who will have the majority on March 5? Will the terror be tolerated
and for how long? It is impossible to make predictions. Meanwhile the un-
certainty of the situation affects every single thing. Every attempt to bor-
row money for building comes to nothing. That weighs heavily on us.

On February 14 the Thieles were here, and we were their guests in the
Ratskeller. Melanie told us her husband must not know that Wolfgang, the
chemistry student, a good lad, is wearing a Hitler uniform in Frankfurt.
He, Thiele, was against Hitler but for banning the Communist Party. [ . . . ]

We spent a fine evening on the fourteenth with the Kohlers, the "re-
spectable" ones. He wanted to celebrate after the event because he had be-
come a probationary teacher, and because he wanted to express his
gratitude to me. We very much felt the effects of excellent sparkling fruit
wine.

A fortnight ago I met Wengler in Bismarckplatz, and I noticed that his
mouth was twisted and hanging open. Shortly afterward I received news
of his illness. A "light" stroke. The man is in his mid-forties. His father
died at the same age. Inherited sclerosis or the consequence of syphilis. I
visited him last Saturday. He could move, talked, made a good impression
(lying down). But he's marked nevertheless. Death all about me. Young

MARCH 1933

5

Frau Kuhn has had a serious heart attack, sixty-year-old Breit has a very
weak heart. I am gripped by the thought of death and it never leaves me
now even for an hour.

On the afternoon of February 4 we visited Kube, the harp maker, hus-
band of the beautiful Maria, in his tiny workshop. Using the most primi-
tive means and after months of labor, he has built a whole concert harp
and he showed us every detail of this extraordinary work of art.

In the newspapers it is said that Baeumler had been named as candi-
date for the Prussian Ministry of Culture under Hitler. (Alongside Kriek!)
At a section meeting he behaved as if he already were minister. We dis-
cussed the rescue of the seriously threatened Pedagogical Institute. The
German Nationals want to do away with the academic training of school-
teachers. "You overestimate the influence of the German Nationals in the
coalition," said Baeumler. — Politics everywhere and everywhere the ter-
ror of the Right.

March 10, Friday evening

January 30: Hitler Chancellor. What, up to election Sunday on March 5, 1
called terror, was a mild prelude. Now the business of 1918 is being ex-
actly repeated, only under a different sign, under the swastika. Again it's
astounding how easily everything collapses. What has happened to
Bavaria, what has happened to the Reichsbanner etc., etc.? Eight days be-
fore the election the clumsy business of the Reichstag fire — I cannot imag-
ine that anyone really believes in Communist perpetrators instead of paid
^ work. Then the wild prohibitions and acts of violence. And on top of
that the never ending propaganda in the street, on the radio, etc. On Sat-
urday, the fourth, I heard a part of Hitler's speech from Konigsberg. The
front of a hotel at the railway station, illuminated, a torchlight procession
in front of it, torchbearers and swastika flag bearers on the balconies and
loudspeakers. I understood only occasional words. But the tone! The unc-
tuous bawling, truly bawling, of a priest. — On the Sunday I voted for the
Democrats, Eva for the Zentrum. In the evening around nine with the Blu-
menfelds to the Dembers. As a joke, because I entertained hopes of
Bavaria, I wore my Bavarian Service Cross. Then the tremendous election
victory of the National Socialists. Their vote doubled in Bavaria. The
Horst Wessel Song between the announcements. — An indignant denial,
no harm will come to loyal Jews. Directly afterward the Central Associa-
tion of Jewish Citizens in Thuringia is banned because it had criticized the
government in "Talmudic fashion" and disparaged it. Since then day after
day commissioners appointed, provincial governments trampled under-
foot, flags raised, buildings taken over, people shot, newspapers banned,
etc., etc. Yesterday the dramaturge Karl Wolf dismissed "by order of the
Nazi Party"— not even in the name of the government— today the whole
Saxon cabinet, etc., etc. A complete revolution and party dictatorship. And

6

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

all opposing forces as if vanished from the face of the earth. It is this utter
collapse of a power only recently present, no, its complete disappearance
(just as in 1918) that I find so staggering. Que sais-je? — On Monday
evening at Frau Schaps with the Gerstles. No one dares say anything any-
more, everyone is afraid [ . . . ] Gerstle was hobbling on crutches, he broke
a leg skiing in the Alps. His wife drove her car and took us part of the way
home.

How long will I keep my post?

On top of the political pressure the misery of the constant pain in my
left arm, the constant thinking about death. And the distressing and al-
ways unsuccessful efforts to obtain building money. And the hours of
lighting stoves, washing up, keeping house. And the constant sitting at
home. And not being able to work, to think.

After cursory reading I wrote a bad newspaper piece, " The New
Spain," after previously writing a bad article for Dante in Paris, "The Idea
of Latinity in Germany." Now I want to — no, I must return to the night-
mare of the "Image of France." I want to force myself to write now and
catch up on the missing reading chapter by chapter.

I ordered a lot of books for my department, since it turned out there
was still 100M left in my budget: Spain, eighteenth-century France and
cultural history. On Tuesday I have to give a primary-school teaching can-
didate the now required unseen translation into French. I am so out of
practice myself that I would only make a very poor translation. — [ . . . ]

March 17, Friday morning

Last Sunday morning in spring weather walked with Eva from the Weis-
seritz to Hohendolzschen, looked at our plot of land, and back down
again. An expedition. In between we rested a little while at the Dembers.
We found them alone at table, their children are skiing in Innsbruck. We
talked about politics — cautiously, since the windows were open.

For the last two days I have been altogether stymied by a heavy, fever-
ish cold; yesterday in particular I lay around feeling miserable or sat slug-
gishly in some corner. Today throat and eyes are still in a very bad state
but I'm no longer feeling washed out because of the fever. We had invited
people today, and were supposed to be at the young Kohlers tomorrow,
but had to call off both.

But unfortunately on Tuesday evening we had the Thiemes here. That
was dreadful and the end of that. Thieme — of all people — declared him-
self for the new regime with such fervent conviction and praise. He de-
voutly repeated all the phrases about unity, upwards, etc. Trude was
harmless by comparison. Everything had gone wrong, now we had to try
this. "Now we just have to join in this song!" He corrected her vigorously.
"We do not have to," the right thing was truly and freely voted for. I shall
not forgive him that. He is a poor swine and afraid for his post. So he runs

MARCH 1933

7

with the pack. But why to me? Caution in the shape of utterly consistent
hypocrisy? Or can he simply not think clearly? Probably — Eva's view —
the latter. We have been mistaken in Thieme's intellect. He has a partial
mathematical gift. Otherwise he is absolutely at the mercy of every influ-
ence, every advertisement, everything successful. Eva already realized
that years ago. She says, "He lacks any sense of judgment." But that he
would go so far ... I am breaking with him.

The defeat in 1918 did not depress me as greatly as the present state of
affairs. It is shocking how day after day naked acts of violence, breaches of
the law, barbaric opinions appear quite undisguised as official decree. The
Socialist papers are permanently banned. The "Liberals" tremble. The
Berliner Tageblatt was recently banned for two days; that can't happen to
the Dresdener Neueste Nachrichten , it is completely devoted to the govern-
ment, prints verses to "the old flag," etc.

Individual items: "On the instruction of the Chancellor of the Reich the
five men sentenced in the summer by a special court in Beuthen for the
killing of a Communist Polish insurgent have been released." (Sentenced
to death!) The Saxon Commissioner for Justice orders that the corrosive
poison of Marxist and pacifist literature is to be removed from prison li-
braries, that the penal system must once more be punitive, improving and
retributive in its effects, etc., etc. [ . . . ] We would be more likely to live in
a state of law under French Negro occupation than under this govern-
ment. [ . . . ] This is truly no empty phrase: I can no longer get rid of the
feeling of disgust and shame. And no one stirs; everyone trembles, keeps
out of sight.

Thieme told us with gleeful approval of a "punishment expedition" of
SA men from the Sachsenwerk against "uppity Communists in Okrilla":
castor oil and running a gauntlet of rubber truncheons. If Italians do some-
thing like that — well, illiterates, children of the South and beasts . . . but
Germans. Thieme was full of enthusiasm for the strong Socialism of the
Nazis, showed me their proclamation of Works Council elections in the
Sachsenwerk. One day later the elections were banned by Commissioner
Killinger.

Actually it's terribly frivolous to write all this in my diary.

March 20, Monday evening about midnight

At the cinema after a long gap: Hindenburg in front of troops and SA men
on Sunday the twelfth, the day of the war dead. When I saw him filmed
about a year ago, the President walked somewhat stiffly, his hand on the
wrist of his escort, but quite firmly and not at all slowly down the Reichs-
tag steps, an old but vigorous man. Today: the tiny, laborious steps of a
cripple. Now I understand it all: that is how Father walked after his stroke
at Christmas 1911, until he died on February 12, 1912. During that time he
was no longer in his right mind. I am now completely certain that Hin-

8

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

denburg is no more than a puppet, that his hand was already being
guided on January 30.

Every new government decree, announcement, etc. is more shameful
than the previous one. In Dresden an Office to Combat Bolshevism. Re-
ward for important information. Discretion assured. In Breslau Jewish
lawyers forbidden to appear in court. In Munich the clumsiest sham of an
attempted assassination and linked to it the threat of the "biggest
pogrom" if a shot should be fired. Etc., etc. And the newspapers snivel.
The Dresdener Neueste Nachrichten pays the government compliments.
Hitler "as statesman" has always stood for a revision of the peace treaty.

Goebbels as Minister of Advertising. Tomorrow the "Act of State of
March 21"! Are they going to have an emperor? The "Square of the Re-
public" is called Konigsplatz — King's Square — again, and they've left the
new name for Ebertstrasse in Berlin open. — I think it is quite immaterial
whether Germany is a monarchy or a republic — but what I do not expect
at all is that it will be rescued from the grip of its new government. I be-
lieve anyway that it can never wash off the ignominy of having fallen vic-
tim to it. I for my part will never again have faith in Germany.

Today at the Capitol we saw Grand Hotel. The film is as moving as Vicki
Baum's novel. And altogether outstandingly shot and affectingly acted.
Also spoken very naturally. [ . . . ] the performance also included (see
above) March 12 and — with a good lecture — very handsome caravan pic-
tures from Manchuria. I so enjoy going to the cinema; it takes me out of
myself. But it is so difficult to persuade Eva to go. And when it doesn't ap-
peal and she sits there miserably, then I don't get any pleasure from it after
all. This time things went passably enough, although she suffers a great
deal from neuralgia and muscle pain.

March 21

Day of the "Act of State" in Potsdam. Pity that we don't have a radio. —
The most frightful pogrom threats in the Freiheitskampf together with grue-
some medieval reviling of the Jews. — Jewish judges dismissed. — Ap-
pointment of a committee to "nationalize" the University of Leipzig. [ . . . ]
With all of that my "Image of France" crawls along a line at a time. I
started writing on March 11; today there are less than seven complete
pages.

Fatigue and lethargy. Weariness of life and fear of death.

March 22

Blumenfelds' maid, the honest [ . . . ] Wend Kathe, gave notice. She had
been offered a secure post and the professor will soon no doubt not be in
a position to keep a maid anymore. Fraulein Wiechmann visited us. She

MARCH 1933

9

tells how in her school in Meissen all are bowing down to the swastika, are
trembling for their jobs, watching and distrusting one another. A young
man with the swastika comes into the school on some official errand or
other. A class of fourteen-year-olds immediately begins singing the Horst
Wessel Song. Singing in the corridor is not allowed. Fraulein Wiechmann
is on duty. "You must forbid this bawling," urge her colleagues. — "You do
it then. If I forbid this bawling, it'll be said that I've taken action against a
national song and I'll be out on my ear!" The girls go on bawling. — In a
pharmacy toothpaste with the swastika. — A mood of fear such as must
have existed in France under the Jacobins. No one fears for their lives yet —
but for bread and freedom.

March 27, evening

[...]

On Saturday four "respectable" Kohlers and the Dembers were here.
Conversation was about politics. The Kohlers depressed and cautiously
gritting their teeth. — Legal proceedings have been started against Blu-
menfeld; as joint owner of his brother's brick works he is a double-earner,
which is incompatible with his status as a civil servant. The case is pending.

The government is in hot water. "Atrocity propaganda" from abroad
because of its Jewish campaign. It is constantly issuing official denials,
there are no pogroms, and has Jewish associations issue refutations. But
then it openly threatens to proceed against the German Jews — if the mis-
chief making by "World Jewry" does not stop. Meanwhile there is no
bloodshed in the country, but oppression, oppression, oppression. No one
breathes freely anymore, no free word, neither printed nor spoken.

Nothing by me appears anymore. I work away quietly for myself on the
"Image of France."

March 30, Thursday

Yesterday evening at the Blumenfelds with the Dembers. Mood as before
a pogrom in the depths of the Middle Ages or in deepest Czarist Russia.
During the day the National Socialist boycott call had been announced.
We are hostages. The dominant feeling (especially as the Stahlhelm revolt
in Brunswick has just been played out and immediately hushed up) is that
this reign of terror can hardly last long, but that its fall will bury us. Fan-
tastic Middle Ages: "We" — threatened Jewry. In fact I feel shame more
than fear, shame for Germany. I have truly always felt a German. I have al-
ways imagined: The twentieth century and Mitteleuropa was different
from the fourteenth century and Romania. Mistake. — Dember describes
the effects on business: Stock Exchange, setbacks for Christian industry —
and then "we" would pay for all of it with our blood. Frau Dember related

10

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

the case of the ill-treatment of a Communist prisoner which had leaked
out: torture with castor oil, beatings, fear — attempted suicide. Frau Blu-
menfeld whispered to me. Dr. Salzburg's second son, a medical student,
has been arrested — letters from him had been found in the home of a
Communist. Our parting (after abundant good food) was like a leave-
taking at the front.

Yesterday a wretched statement in the Dresdener Neueste Nachrichten —
"on our own account." They are 92.5 percent founded on Aryan capital,
Herr Wollf, owner of the remaining 7.5 percent, has resigned as chief edi-
tor, one Jewish editor has been given leave of absence (poor Fentl!), the
other ten are Aryans. Terrible! — In a toy shop a children's ball with the
swastika.

March 31, Friday evening

Ever more hopeless. The boycott begins tomorrow. Yellow placards, men on
guard. Pressure to pay Christian employees two months salary, to dismiss
Jewish ones. No reply to the impressive letter of the Jews to the President of
the Reich and to the government. [ . . . ] No one dares make a move. The
Dresden student body made a declaration today: United behind . . . and the
honor of German students forbids them to come into contact with Jews.
They are not allowed to enter the Student House. How much Jewish money
went toward this Student House only a few years ago!

In Munich Jewish university teachers have already been prevented
from setting foot in the university.

The proclamation and injunction of the boycott committee decrees "Re-
ligion is immaterial," only race matters. If, in the case of the owners of a
business, the husband is Jewish, the wife Christian or the other way
around, then the business counts as Jewish.

At Gusti Wieghardt's yesterday evening. The most depressed atmo-
sphere. During the night at about three — Eva unable to sleep — Eva ad-
vised me to give notice on our apartment today, perhaps renting a part of
it again. I gave notice today. The future is quite uncertain. [ . . . ]

On Tuesday at the new Universum cinema on Prager Strasse. Beside me
a soldier of the Reichswehr, a mere boy, and his not very attractive girl. It
was the evening before the boycott announcement. Conversation during
an Alsberg advertisement. He: "One really shouldn't go to a Jew to shop."
She: "But it's so terribly cheap." He: "Then it's bad and doesn't last." She,
reflective, quite matter-of-fact, without the least pathos: "No, really, it's
just as good and lasts just as long, really just like in Christian shops — and
so much cheaper." He falls silent. When Hitler, Hindenburg, etc. ap-
peared, he clapped enthusiastically. Later, during the utterly American
jazz band film, clearly with a touch of Yiddish at points, he clapped even
more enthusiastically.

APRIL 1933

11

The events of March 21 were shown, including passages from speeches,
Hindenburg's proclamation laborious, his breath short, the voice of a very
old man who is physically near the end. Hitler declaiming like a pastor.
Goebbels looks uncommonly Jewish [...]. We saw a torchlight proces-
sion and a great deal of marching awakening Germany. Also Danzig with
the swastika flag.

[...]

April 3, Monday evening

On Saturday red posters on the shops: "Recognized German-Christian en-
terprise." In between them closed shops, SA men in front of them with tri-
angular boards: "Whoever buys from the Jew supports the foreign boycott
and destroys the German economy." — People poured down Prager
Strasse and looked at it all. That was the boycott. "For the time being only
Saturday — then a pause until Wednesday." Excluding banks. Including
lawyers and doctors. Called off after one day — it has been a success and
Germany is "magnanimous." But in truth a wild turnaround. Evidently
resistance at home and abroad and evidently from the other side pressure
from the National Socialist mob. I have the impression of swiftly ap-
proaching catastrophe. That the right wing cannot go on participating
much longer, cannot put up with the National Socialist dictatorship much
longer, that on the other hand Hitler is no longer free and that the National
Socialists are urging ever greater use of force. Today the rectors of Frank-
furt University, the Technical University Brunswick; Kantorowicz, the di-
rector of the Bonn University hospital; a Christian business editor of the
Frankfurter Zeitung were arrested. Etc. There will be an explosion — but we
may pay for it with our lives, we Jews. [ . . . ] I am unable to work on my
"Image of France." [ . . . ] Everything I considered un-German, brutality,
injustice, hypocrisy, mass suggestion to the point of intoxication, all of it
flourishes here.

On Saturday evening in Heidenau to visit Annemarie and Dr. Dressel.
Both on the Right, both anti-National Socialist and dismayed. But both
isolated by the mood in their St. John's Hospital. — On Sunday afternoon
by myself for an hour with the deeply depressed Blumenfelds. I complain
at length about Eva, whose state of health suffers in the extreme from the
German catastrophe; I believe that in all the difficult years since Lugano I
have never seen her in such despair. At her request I've given notice here
for July 1. In order to save money, we decided to share the flat and rent
only three rooms. I have directed Pratorius to fence in my plot. 635M costs
out of 1,100M reserves! We are making frantic efforts to borrow 8,000 to
10,000M to build a small house or part of one. But it is now even more hope-
less than before. For us personally, everything is also heading for catas-
trophe.

12

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

April 7, Friday morning

The pressure I am under is greater than in the war, and for the first time in
my life I feel political hatred for a group (as I did not during the war), a
deadly hatred. In the war I was subject to military law, but subject to law
nevertheless; now I am at the mercy of an arbitrary power. Today (it
changes) I am again less certain that the catastrophe will occur soon.

No one dares write a letter, no one dares make a telephone call, we visit
one another and weigh up our chances. One civil servant at the Ministry
said this, another that. But one never knows whether the one with the fa-
vorable opinion will remain in charge, or to what degree he's "in charge"
at all, etc., etc. No beast has fewer rights and is less hounded. — Yesterday
Albert Hirsch wrote to me from Frankfurt am Main: "leave of absence"
after thirteen years service. Unsure what to live on. Is moving with wife
and two children to the parents-in-law. Perhaps, at best, he'll receive a few
pennies for a pension, but certainly not anywhere near enough to live on.
One case out of thousands, thousands upon thousands. [ . . . ] Whether I
shall keep my post will probably be settled on May 2, at my first lecture.

Meanwhile further efforts to erect a small house in Dolzschen. Last per-
sonal reserves went on fencing. The work has begun now. Yesterday the
earth was plowed up. The farmer, the team of horses, eight hours work:
20M. The fence will cost 624M. Dolzschen demands the costs of laying
sewer drains immediately: 340M. Total: one thousand marks — last re-
serves.

In between domestic work, the building business (never ending effort,
deliberations, brooding) I wearily collect my thoughts for a work I hardly
believe anymore will be printed or made use of in my course. Chapter
II/Part One of the "Image of France" is ready at last.

Newspapers are read differently now [...]. Between the lines. Art of
the eighteenth century, the art of reading and writing awakens again.

April 10, Monday

The awful feeling of "Thank God, I'm alive." The new Civil Service "law"
leaves me, as a front-line veteran, in my post — at least for the time being
(Dember and Blumenfeld are also spared). But all around rabble-rousing,
misery, fear and trembling. A cousin of Dember, doctor in Berlin, fetched
from his office in his shirtsleeves and brought to the Humboldt Hospital
in a very bad state, and died there, forty-five years of age. Frau Dember
whispers it to us with the door closed. By telling us she's spreading "atroc-
ity stories," untrue ones of course.

We are often up in Dolzschen. Our "field" is now going to get its fence,
we have ordered seven cherry trees and ten gooseberry bushes. I force my-
self to act as enthusiastically as if I believed in the building of the house.

APRIL 1933

13

so that I even believe it a little myself and thus am able, as a kind of self-
hypnosis, to shore up Eva's mood. But it does not always work, Eva is in
a bad way and the political catastrophe affects her terribly. (Sometimes,
for a few moments, I almost feel that the great universal hatred forces her
to rise a little above the obsession with her own personal sufferings, that it
strengthens her will to live. [ . . . ]

Man is bad. My quite involuntary feeling, when I learned that Dember
and Blumenfeld were also to be allowed to escape destruction, was a kind
of disappointment. As one is disappointed when someone given up for
lost escapes with his life after all. But it is very probable that all of us will
pay in the end. [ . . . ]

Annemarie Kohler was here yesterday evening. Filled with the greatest
bitterness. She tells us how fanatical the male and female nurses in her
hospital are. They sit around the loudspeaker. When the Horst Wessel
Song is sung (every evening and at other times too), they stand up and
raise their arms in the Nazi greeting.

[ . . . ] "Image of France" goes very very slowly. It takes too much out of
me, and I have far too little hope.

I hear nothing from my relatives, nothing from the Meyerhofs. No one
dares write. — No other post either.

One is an alien species or a Jew with 25 percent Jewish blood, if one
grandparent was Jewish. As in fifteenth-century Spain, but then the issue
was faith. Today it's zoology + business.

April 12, Wednesday evening

In the afternoon— nice walk, but heart trouble— alone to the Dolzschen
council office. To ask them to divide the sewer drain costs (340M) into in-
stallments. Six installments granted. Up there the Social Democrat mayor
has been suspended. I was received by the commissioner (giant of a man.
Teuton with goatee) and the barrel-shaped council surveyor, both in SA
uniform. The first time that I've dealt with such people. Both very polite,
the commissioner a little reserved, visibly anxious about his dignity, the fat
one a very homely Saxon, right away chatting to me about the University
and the Teacher Training Institute — I must emphasize once again: both un-
commonly polite. But here I saw for the first time with my own eyes that
we really are entirely at the mercy of the Party dictatorship, of the "Third
Reich," that the Party no longer makes any secret of its absolute power.

And every day new abominations. A Jewish lawyer in Chemnitz kid-
napped and shot. "Provocateurs in SA uniform, common criminals." Pro-
vision of the Civil Service Law. Anyone who has one Jewish grandparent is
a Jew. "In case of doubt the final decision lies with the Specialist for Racial
Research in the Reich Interior Ministry." A worker or employee who is not
nationally minded can be dismissed in any factory, [and] must be replaced
by a nationally minded one. The NS plant cells must be consulted. Etc., etc.

14

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

For the moment I am still safe. But as someone on the gallows, who has the
rope around his neck, is safe. At any moment a new "law" can kick away
the steps on which I'm standing and then I'm hanging.

I'm constantly listening for "symptoms." A resentful speech by Hugen-
berg; Oberfohren, the parliamentary leader of the German Nationals, re-
signing his seat. Friction between SA and Stahlhelm — but what does it all
amount to? Power, a tremendous power, is in the hands of the National
Socialists. Half a million armed men, all offices and instruments of state,
press and radio, the mood of the inebriated millions. I cannot see where
salvation could come from. [ . . . ]

The Spanish Ministry of Education has offered Einstein a professorship
at a Spanish university, he has accepted. This is the strangest joke of world
history. Germany establishes limpieza de la sangre — Spain appoints the
German Jew.

April 20, Thursday evening

Is it the influence of the tremendous propaganda — films, broadcasting,
newspapers, flags, ever more celebrations (today is the Day of the Nation,
Adolf the Leader's birthday)? Or is it the trembling, slavish fear all
around? I almost believe now that I shall not see the end of this tyranny.
And I am almost used to the condition of being without rights. I simply
am not German and Aryan, but a Jew and must be grateful if I'm allowed
to stay alive. — They are expert at advertising. The day before yesterday
we saw (and heard) on film how Hitler holds his big rallies. The mass of
SA men in front of him, the half-dozen microphones in front of his lectern,
which transmit his words to 600,000 SA men in the whole Third Reich-
one sees his omnipotence and keeps one's head down. And always the
Horst Wessel Song. And everyone knuckles under. How wretched the
Doctors' Congress in Wiesbaden. Gratitude to Hitler— even if the racial
question has not yet been clarified, even if the "aliens" Wassermann,
Ehrlich, Neisser have made important contributions to our medicine — we
thank Hitler, he is saving Germany! Likewise the rest.

April 25, Tuesday

Since telephone calls are unsafe, and since everyone is depressed, we con-
stantly have nerve-racking morning or afternoon visits. Frau Dember,
Frau Wieghardt. Today, recovered, but bent over with paralysis, Wengler.
Always the same conversations, the same despair, the same vacillation:
Catastrophe is imminent, and things will go on like this for a long time
yet, there is no salvation, always the same aversion. Eva's nerves are com-
pletely gone. The political loathing and the disastrous effect on our credit
go hand in hand for her. No morning without violent weeping, no day

APRIL 1933

15

without hysterics. I am already almost blunted in the face of all this mis-
fortune. I no longer think about tomorrow.

Yesterday Frau Schaps and the Blumenfelds were our guests, the day
before the Wieghardts, on Sunday we were invited to the "respectable"
Kohlers and accompanied part of the way home by the young people. The
same conversations everywhere.

At the TU Dember is now the most threatened because he was imposed
on it when Fleissner was Minister [of Education]. He is suffering tremen-
dously. A circular requested all non- Aryans to leave all committees and
not to conduct examinations. God knows how that's feasible. Non- Aryans
in our section, Holldack (mother), Kafka (father) ... In Kiel the students
have put un-German texts by their former and no longer acceptable teach-
ers on the index. [ . . . ] Something similar is expected here. — The Prus-
sian Minister of Education has ordered that school pupils who have had to
repeat a year should, where possible, if they are members of the Hitler
movement, [ . . . ] move up after all. — Notice on the Student House (like-
wise at all the universities): "When the Jew writes in German, he lies,"
henceforth he is to be allowed to write only in Hebrew. Jewish books must
be characterized as "translations." — I only note the most ghastly things,
only fragments of the madness in which we are unceasingly immersed.

Despite everything our fence is just being finished in Dolzschen, we are
planning to do more — but it is quite impossible to look forward to a real
dwelling, there is simply no money and credit. I really do not know what
else can be done. On this point too we are facing catastrophe. We have
bought gardening tools and trees; we want to go up today to do some dig-
ging.

My "Image of France" is at a standstill for days, then grows by a few
lines, is at a standstill again. And yet there is no point at all in thinking of
publication. And all my faith in national psychology— where has it gone?
Perhaps the current madness is indeed a typically German madness. I
shall write an appendix about it, which will certainly not be intended for
publication.

The fate of the Hitler movement will undoubtedly be decided by the
Jewish business. I do not understand why they have made this point of
their program s^ central. It will sink them. But we will probably go down
with them.

April 30, Sunday evening

Dember has been "given leave of absence until further notice." A state-
ment by the student body on the bulletin board, A Jewish professor
breaks his word," pilloried him, because despite his promise he had given
an examination. He says he never made this promise. He is being thrown
out because he was given his chair by the Ministry against the will of rec-

16

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

tor and senate. Kafka, Holldack (50 percent Jewish) threatened, Gehrig
threatened because he's a Democrat, Wilbrandt goes because he's a So-
cialist. — Baeumler made Professor of Political Pedagogy in Berlin, where
Spranger has had to go. — But I hear from Annemarie Kohler on the tele-
phone that Georg had to go. (I have completely lost touch with my family;
no one writes to me.)

Tomorrow "the festival of labor." The Stahlhelm now subordinated to
Hitler, Hugenberg about to collapse. I very, much have the firm impression
that the catastrophe cannot be long postponed.

[...]

In the mornings Eva often has the most violent nervous crises. "I have
been going to pieces for years and no one helps me!" Then somewhat
calmer during the day.

On the twenty-eighth the whole day on our plot of land. The trees were
planted. She was up there with Frau Lehmann, I followed in the after-
noon. Coffee in the beautifully situated Cafe Hohendolzschen. Afterward
at the Dembers for a while. [ . . . ]

All in all I exist apathetically beyond despair and almost beyond indif-
ference. Tomorrow another appointment with a money man; perhaps a
loan can be obtained after all. But my finances are on the point of collapse.

I don't earn a penny anymore aside from the 800M of my salary. And the
Kirschberg swallows it up and swallows it up.

May 15, Monday evening

I'm lecturing. Old French to six, cultural history to about twenty, the sem-
inar to ten people. All quiet. But, in compliance with the "request" from
the rectorship, I don't examine. I did not attend the section meeting either.
— We received sympathy visits: on the evening of the section meeting
from Frau Kuhn, on the Sunday after from Delekat. Delekat had just given
a sermon in the Kreuzkirche — it is possible "to say more" than in a lecture.
He was wearing a frock coat, had his cassock in a little case. — A visit from
Frau Hirche. Gratitude and fear struggle for the soul of the Hirches. He had
to join the National Socialist Party; the lad is serving his first weeks in the
Reichswehr. He owes his acceptance as officer-cadet in very large part to
me (reference and recommendation to Rudiger). Beste, now dean, stands
up for me, is inwardly embittered (Zentrum man). But everywhere com-
plete helplessness, cowardice, fear.

[...]

I broke curtly and definitively with Thieme, who had declared his en-
thusiasm for the new regime. He phoned us with an invitation. I said, we
did not want to come and I would like to end the telephone conversation,
hung up.

Annemarie fears for her post because she refused to take part in the
procession on May 1. She (who is a supporter of the German Nationals

MAY 1933

17

through and through) relates: The garden of a Communist in Heidenau is
dug up, there is supposed to be a machine-gun in it. He denies it, nothing
is found; to squeeze a confession out of him, he is beaten to death. The
corpse brought to the hospital. Boot marks on the stomach, fist-sized holes
in the back, cotton wool stuffed into them. Official post mortem result:
Cause of death dysentery, which frequently causes premature "death
spots."

Atrocity stories are lies and severely punished.

Jule Sebba in Dresden for a couple of days. Here one evening with Frau
Schaps. The next evening we were at Frau Schaps. The Gerstles and the
Salzburgs there too. Very cordial, but no new points of contact and not
many of the old ones anymore. The conversations the same everywhere,
the situation in Konigsberg no different from here.

The next morning and for a couple of days after Eva even more shat-
tered than usual. Neuralgia in her failing knee, severe fits of weeping and
despair: cripple, "too late," she is being allowed to go to pieces without
the least pity being taken on her. My heart cannot bear all this misery
much longer.

Constant pain in my throat, hoarseness, pains in arm and shoulder.

On top of that the house business is more hopeless than ever. Pratorius
had gotten hold of a Polish-Jewish broker called Sandel. He was going to
raise — as good as certain, 99 percent probability! — 15,000M in Offenbach
on easy terms. I paid him 240M, almost the very last penny of my reserves.
Then it all fell through, the man was even impertinent, and now I have no
idea what else I can do. From time to time Eva goes up to Hohendolzschen,
to varnish and paint our fence, etc. Going there and back costs 6M each
time, but the expedition does not satisfy her. I cannot go on. My extra in-
come has dried up completely, not a line by me is printed. I have given up
thinking about things. I feel it's all coming to an end.

The "Image of France" creeps on. Perhaps it will be published posthu-
mously. [ . . . ]

Of the National Socialists' criminal and insane acts I only make a note of
what somehow touches me personally. Everything else can be looked up in
the newspapers. The mood of the present time, the waiting, the visiting one
another, the counting of days, the inhibited telephone conversations and
correspondence— all of that could be recorded in memoirs one day. But my
life is coming to an end, and these memoirs will never be written.

May 22, Monday

May 16 passed very gloomily this time. — Eva's nerves have now given
out so completely that I too am hardly able to bear up anymore: My heart
gives way more and more.

New misfortune, not to be taken lightly: Our little black tomcat has
fallen ill. Wound on his stomach, the animal is suffering, the treatment by

18

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

Dr. Gross is distressing (and expensive). — On the evening of the nine-
teenth Herr Kaufmann was here as grass widower. His wife in Berlin with
Edgar's family. They are going to Palestine next week, leaving the child
with its grandparents for the present, taking 15,000M with them, want to
find some kind of livelihood. Sick joke, passed on by the Dembers: An im-
migrant to Palestine is asked, "Are you coming from conviction or from
Germany?"— Letter from Georg: He himself is retired ("they could have
held on to me"); Otto, the physicist; Friedrich, the medical probationer;
and the youngest, who is in the middle of his examinations in economics,
want to emigrate to England or America; Hans, who has just got a son, has
"up to now" not yet been dismissed by Siemens. — Three people today in
my Old French lecture; cultural history and tutorial, however, better at-
tended (about twenty and ten students).

[...]

House affair hopeless. It will send Eva and myself literally to our
graves.

Since Hitler's peace speech and the easing of tension in foreign affairs I
have lost all hope of living to see the end of this state of affairs
[...]

June 17, Sunday morning

Dialectic of the soul. During the day I now forcibly cling to some relatively
pleasant event or other, even the most trivial thing like the growth of a
philodendron leaf or the improved condition of our little Nickelchen-
Amfortas tomcat, whose stomach wound heals and then opens again
(even though he was treated by Dr. Gross for some considerable time). It
is really indispensable to find such support for oneself. [ . . . ]

I am content if Eva begins the morning without a weeping and scream-
ing fit, falls asleep quite easily in the evening. I put out of my mind the fact
that she does not go out, lets the harmonium, the piano gather dust, etc., etc.

I put the despair over the whole housing business out of my mind.
There is no chance of finding building money. Sandel, a Polish Jew, has
cheated me of 240M, does not want to pay it back, and counts on my being
too afraid of the scandal to go to the police (for me to report a Jew, now!
But I shall have to do it nevertheless, otherwise Pratorius and Gestein will
think I'm frightened— and they are right to think so). I am now entirely
without reserves, hardly know how to find the money for insurance poli-
cies, rent, etc. — and all extra income has ceased.

I had given notice here for July 1 and have withdrawn it again, but only
until October 1. What is going to happen here in the winter? Eva detests
the apartment, in the winter it is literally her prison. I too dread all the lay-
ing of fires. [ . . . ]

I believe my own health to be gone. Repeated heart trouble. I don't go
to the doctor. He cannot tell me anything, at most forbid me to smoke.

JUNE 1933

19

Berthold reached the age of 59, perhaps that is how long I shall last. And
sometimes my pointless horror of death is already numbed by all the sor-
row and gloom. I see no way out. We are immobile in every respect. Occa-
sionally one of Eva's little expeditions by cab to Dolzschen, where she
paints our fence. Then I fetch her in the evening by cab. After intervals of
months a visit to the cinema.

Recent guests: for a couple of hours (after more than two years) on his
way to an NSDAP-ordered pharmacists' "coordination" day from his lit-
tle town of Plauen — Schemer. Unchanged and his tubby heartiness was
for me really very remote and strange. He has stopped his payments and
yet is quite cheerful. One day the pharmacy will pay its way again and
then he'll exchange it for one in Leipzig and will leave the small-town
dump he hates. He complains, he has hopes, he is alive and kicking, he re-
volves in his tiny circle, is content. His friends in Leipzig. Dr. Schingnitz —
he is leader of the National Socialists, their representative at the university.
Schemer does not like the Nazis at all — but why hold that against Sching-
nitz? He really wants to get on!

Lissy Meyerhof was here on Whitsunday and Whit Monday. As opti-
mistic as ever, modest, hard-working, yet her health obviously weakened,
heart trouble. She has— so far— kept her post as social worker (war service,
nurse in contagious diseases hospital). Also Martha Wiechmann and her
sister, who is now living with her. Her brother, mid-forties, not a member
of a party, senior district attorney at the High Court in Berlin, "placed on
temporary retirement" on the grounds that a National Socialist must oc-
cupy this highest post. That same evening Fraulein Rudiger was here, after
a very long gap. Her brother, major in the old army, has a post in the Na-
tional Socialist Party. "Your nerves are completely shattered, you should go
somewhere where there aren't any newspapers," she said to me, when she
heard my bitterness; she has no idea what is really happening.

At university my examinations have been transferred to Wengler (ex-
plicitly for my "protection," to keep me in my post). I am now lecturing on
Old French literature to three students, I go through my Cultural History
contortions in front of about twenty students. My most eager student is
the Nazi cell leader Eva Theissig.

Also here over Whitsun was Hans Hirche, whom I — I! — helped get into
the army. Looked splendid and talked very sensibly. He and his parental
home evidently completely anti-Hitlerist. Hostility in the Reichswehr
against the SA, attitudes more often right wing than Hitlerist, but never-
theless also a lot of National Socialism— which is compulsorily "encour-
aged." One never knows.

Two surprises of a more pleasant kind: Contrary to all expectations Flit-
ner has started printing my 1931-32 education paper. [ . . . ] Walzel (and he
has the next twelve months to decide) wrote to me, Heiss has withdrawn
from his Romance literatures around 1850, whether I wanted to manage
the second volume. I proposed: Schiirr, French; Hatzfeld, Spanish; and
myself, Italian and general introduction. I am dying to know how it will

20

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

develop; deep down, however, yes or no is all the same to me. On the one
hand pro Italia: God knows whether my old contracts are still worth any-
thing, and this would be a reliable new one. It would mean a change, re-
newal. In addition, a subject that would also interest Eva, she would read
with me. For once I would be quite outside my usual province. I have
wanted to come to grips with modem Italy for a long time. — D'altra
parte, a vast amount of work, for which I am not at all prepared, which
thrusts me completely away from my "life's work," and I do not know
how much time I still have. — And yet: Does it make any difference at all
what I spend the remainder of my time doing? Just do something and for-
get oneself.

At last: On June 11, exactly three months to the day after starting, "The
New German Image of France" was completed; yesterday and the day be-
fore yesterday I wrote the very peculiar "Afterword" to it and want to
read it aloud this evening, as the Blumenfelds, the young Kohlers, the
Wenglers are our guests.

We saw and heard the delightful Kiepura film Be Mine Tonight (Lugano
kg^fipe and a profusion of songs, arias) for the third time. (When
^Kfepura's concert in Berlin was banned, he was the Jew Kiepura; in the
Hugenberg film he is "the famous tenor from La Scala, Milan"; in Prague
recently, when his German song "Heute nacht oder nie" [Tonight or never]
was booed, he was "the German singer Kiepura.")

I am corresponding with Professor I. Elbogen, Orthodox Jew and
brother-in-law of the musician Otto Klemperer (the Catholic!). A relief
agency for German university teachers is being set up in London, it seems
to involve publication of journals above all, and he has inquired about de-
tails of people in the Romance and philological fields.

[...]

June 19, Monday (after lecture to three people)

On Saturday I read out my "Afterword." Shock. How could I keep some-
thing like that in the house? Kohler advised: hide it behind a picture. —
But what shall I do with my diaries? I wait from one day to the next.
Nothing stirs. Sometimes I lose all heart and believe that this regime will
last after all and outlive me.

[...]

In the meantime I work up reviews. [ . . . ] I wrote to Hiibner, asking
whether he still intended to take my "Image of France." So far no reply.

The complaint to the police regarding SandeTs swindle is finished and
in the envelope. I send it off with a heavy heart, God knows what kind of
scandal I will be dragged into. But what will the Pratorius' say (and what
will they do) if I do not take the matter to the police? They will then think
that I positively want to protect the Jew (which Sandel is firmly counting
on), or even: I should do so. A terrible situation.

JUNE 1933

21

June 29, Thursday evening

Of the 29 June 29s of our life together, this is basically the most dismal; but
we have fairly successfully endeavored to get through it calmly. I read
aloud. Now in the evening Karl Wieghardt is with us by chance. Since
Hugenberg went yesterday without the least resistance and the German
National Party "has dissolved itself," I have lost all courage.

June 30, Friday morning

There are, of course, also personal grounds for such complete loss of
courage. Hiibner asked me (in a very friendly, intimate— between the
lines, almost in them— very depressed letter), in the name of the publisher
Quelle & Meyer, not to insist on the publication of the "Image of France."
There was too much supervision by not very qualified "Party cells," and
after all the good journals must not be eliminated altogether. I withdrew,
resistance would have been pointless, completely pointless — but Eva
thought: Only do things under compulsion! Do not give even the appear-
ance of voluntary renunciation.

Meanwhile for a couple of weeks I lived on Walzel's offer. [ . . . ] But I
give Teubner and Quelle & Meyer excuse for termination if I do not pre-
pare their thing in the first place for delivery on time. A dilenuna,
whichever way you look at it. [ ... ] Now responsibility for saying no
has been passed on to Walzel, who will certainly shift it on to the publish-
ing house (both of necessity; Walzel himself has meanwhile had to resign
from the management of the Kleist Society). I would not find this No, in it-
self, so bad. I no longer have enough energy to seriously immerse myself
in a new subject, in a language that is less familiar to me; I muddle on in
French. But what terrifies me is the thought of not being able to publish
anything at all anymore. Quelle & Meyer and Teubner will not print any-
thing else by me. If someone does not want to abide by a contract, he can
always get out of it, at least as a publisher. In my case very easily; I never
meet a delivery date, after all. — Now I am seriously thinking of giving up
all academic scribbling for a long time and taking a stab at my life. But
with that I would more or less acknowledge the complete loss of addi-
tional earnings, as is already the case, and accept it without any attempt to
defend myself.

But the money difficulties— a bank balance of 40M at the moment!—
worry me dreadfully. I barely manage to scrape together insurance pay-
ments, rent, etc., building is out of the question, the agreement here has
been extended to October 1, and we dread the winter.

The Sandel affair is almost funny and yet also distressing. The man
swindled me out of 240M, was neither in Offenbach, nor did he hand over
the money, he has admitted everything to Pratorius and refused to repay
anything. Since the Pratorius' know all about the business, in the end I had

22

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

to report it; otherwise people would have said, one Jew protects another!
But what a scandal, or at least what embarrassment I face with public pro-
ceedings. So finally, after X warnings, it has been reported to the police.
On Saturday an extremely courteous call, inquiring when I would come to
make a statement. Inspector Schrell, room 123 at police headquarters.
Went there on Monday after my lecture. On the door: "Fraud," next door:
'Serious Crimes." Large room, policemen, clattering typewriters. Schrell a
very courteous, large man, plain clothes, small swastika. Puts Sandel's
statement in front of me. Smiling a little pityingly, how could I be taken in
by a man like that? Sandel, Polish Jew and citizen, "previous convictions,"
admits everything and explains that the money had gone while he was
drunk. "He spent it," says the police officer. I could only confirm Sandel's
statement. "What happens now?" — "Goes to the prosecuting attorney's
office."— "Do I get my money?"— "We only punish the crime. Once Sandel
has been sentenced, you can sue for your loss!"

[...]

The day before yesterday Dember here (alone) in the evening. Nothing
to occupy himself with, waiting feverishly, between hope and despair. He
says, we all have an "emigrant mentality," we hope for deliverance from
abroad, i.e., for German defeat, invasion, etc. An evening visit by Fraulein
Walter on the twenty-first tallied with that. Her father was my father's
successor in Bromberg, is now rabbi in Kassel. She took her political econ-
omy examination in Leipzig, is a librarian at the State Library, is facing
certain dismissal, wants to go to Palestine. She has been Zionist for some
time, orthodox, kosher, flirts with Russia, nevertheless well educated and
not really fanatical. But she has never really been attached to Germany, so
is less vulnerable inside. Among other things she told us that observant
Jews get their meat from Denmark.

I have noticed: Since June 20 government declarations no longer talk
about "national awakening" (stage I) or about "national revolution"
(stage II). Instead the new slogan is the desired "total state." Under the
"people's chancellor." On June 29 a Reich minister (Goebbels in Stuttgart)
said for the first time in a public speech: We do not tolerate any parties
apart from us. Hitler is "absolute master" in Germany (Hindenburg gone).

Reviews: Schroder, Racine und Humanitat, Burkart, Mme. La Fayette com-
pleted and sent off together with Appel, Misanthrope. Strangely enough ac-
cepted by the Literatur Zeitung and prospects of new ones held out. I cling
to the faintest possibility of publication. Anything rather than be com-
pletely buried.

Read aloud two very affecting things. First: Nitti, Flight (bought for
95Pf in the Reka only a couple of weeks ago. Now of course impossible to
obtain). A nephew of the former Italian Prime Minister, who escaped from
Lipari to Corsica in 1928 and relates his experiences in Fascist captivity.
Gripped by the exact analogies to our situation. The man is writing after
five years of Fascism and predicting its certain end. Meanwhile Mussolini

JULY 1933

23

has ruled for another five years and is absolute master. And here the thing
has only been going on for five months, in fact even less.

Even more affecting: Fallada, Little Man-What Now? Recent reading.
And always the thought: For years every tenth man in Germany has been
unemployed.

For my lexicon I must add to protective custody— the people's chancellor.

July 1, Saturday

Language note: Goebbels in the Political Academy on June 30 (formal lec-
ture therefore) on Fascism (approvingly therefore): "The Fascist Party [in
Italy] has brought into being a huge organization of many millions which
includes everything, popular theater, popular games, sport, tourism, hik-
ing, singing and is supported by the state with every resource." (Report
Dresdener NN, July 1.)

At the Blumenfelds yesterday evening. Emigrant mentality. Jule Sebba
and his family go to Palestine in August.

July 9, Sunday

On Friday evening at Frau Schaps; Jule Sebba there for one day. Fie is em-
igrating with his family. Lawyer since 1909, notary, teacher at the High
School for Commerce, Konigsberg, author of a major work on German
maritime law, not among those thrown out and y^t left with no alterna-
tive. With his family (little Elfriede is eleven now, she is with her grand-
mother here) he truly has to begin a new life. The harbor at Haifa will be
opened in October; he is going to open a chandler's business there. He has
found an elderly partner with experience in the Orient, he himself is pro-
viding the money. (Evidently he has assets safely abroad.) The Sebba case
is not the most tragic; Sebba likes business and has a talent for it, he has
never felt a special bond with Germany, his parents came from Russia—
and yet his whole education and way of life make him a German. — We
hear a lot about Palestine now; it does not appeal to us. Anyone who goes
there exchanges nationalism and narrowness for nationalism and narrow-
ness. Also it is a country for capitalists. It is about the size of the province
of East Prussia; inhabitants: 200,000 Jews and 800,000 Arabs. — Sebba
spoke very pessimistically about Germany. He said the boycott against us
was very tight. The regime will maintain itself for a while with tyranny
and the most extreme coercive measures like bread rationing, wage re-
ductions, inflation, perhaps last the winter, perhaps even longer — but then
there will be an unimaginable and bloody chaos. Because after the fall of
this government there would be no "fall-back position" because it has de-
stroyed every organization. (In the course of the last few weeks the one re-

24

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

maining party, the Zentrum, dissolved itself.) He makes the worst predic-
tions for the Jews.

For my part it becomes ever more clear to me how completely useless a
creature of over-refinement I am, incapable of surviving in more primitive
surroundings. Sebba, Blumenfeld, Dember earn a living here and there, can
somehow switch to practical things. I, on the other hand, I cannot even be
a language teacher, only lecture on the history of ideas, and only in German
and from a completely German perspective. I must live here and die here.

We are also continuing with our desperate efforts on behalf of our con-
struction in Dolzschen. Now I have got in touch with a broker again, this
time he is called Mendelsohn. Yet I am entirely bereft of money. Yesterday
I received a supplementary demand for land transfer tax: 150M. [ . . . ] I
can barely manage to pay it on top of the life insurance which is due now
+ the interest and on top of the money for the drains. Furthermore a cut in
salary is likely next month or the one after.

It has been raining without a break for weeks; now it has become op-
pressively humid with a constant threat of thunderstorms. Yesterday we
were up for the first time since Whitsun; our plot has been transformed
into a prairie, grass and thistles are well past knee height. Afterward we
sat in the Dembers' garden for a little while. "Emigrant" conversations.

Today, after quite a lot of work, I finished the review of Brummer's
Naigeon for the Literaturblatt— of course I do not know if it will be printed.
With that the pile of criticism is disposed of for the time being and now my
hands are free for a new extended piece of work. For which one? I am still
waiting for Walzel's decision. He suggested leaving Fascist Italy since
1918 to the "German sympathizer" Schurr, I rejected that and demanded
the whole period 1850-1933. He will not be able to agree to that; in that
case I shall turn to my 18e si£cle and will certainly make a better decision
as a result— but naturally I would be less wounded if matters took a dif-
ferent course.

[...]

July 13, Thursday evening

Eva's birthday passed tolerably. In the evening the Blumenfelds, the
Kuhns, Annemarie, Karl Wieghardt — in the afternoon the young Kohlers.
— Kuhn, who predicts a long life for the 3rd Reich, but considers it ulti-
mately transient, made an interesting remark. He said Mussolini's regime
corresponded to the tyrannies of the Italian Renaissance, it is therefore ev-
idently compatible with the Italian psyche and will last for example like
the rule of the Medici, Este, etc., it is a "southern" form of government. In
Germany (and that is my opinion also after all) this form is nowhere to be
found in its history, it is absolutely un-German and consequently will not
have any kind of long-term duration. But for the moment it is organized

JULY 1933

25

with German thoroughness and therefore unlikely to be removed in the
foreseeable future.

July 20, Thursday

Frau Blumenfeld's brother, the missionary preacher, was here for a visit
with his wife, fell ill suddenly and died very quickly after an unsuccessful
gallbladder operation, fifty-four years old. (We became acquainted with
the man and his son some time ago, were supposed to spend the evening
with him on Sunday— he died in the afternoon.) The funeral took place
yesterday in the Chemnitzer Strasse cemetery below the Blumenfelds'
windows. The Blumenfelds' friends from the intelligentsia: the Raabs,
Frau Schaps, Frau Dember, etc. and the plebeian sectarian congregation
the man had here in Dresden. In the hall somebody in street clothes [...],
of the type of the thoughtful Red Indian, preached very interestingly.
(Frau Schaps maintains the speaker had been a professor and engineer.)
The life of the deceased: Jew + actor, then worked for a travel agency in
Italy, his finger traces routes across the map. "Then God takes pity on this
finger." An American Christian, to whom the man is giving Italian lessons,
converts him to the Old Testament and then to the Lamb of God. He
changes his religion, he preaches. "Covenant of Christians. We know no
race, no nation, only Christians and everywhere the Old Testament and
the Lamb of God. And the departed has the gift of preaching in many
tongues. He travels about, sometimes he supports himself with other oc-
cupations, but he preaches, he converts Jews to the Lamb of God. And he
"sees Jesus," and makes him visible to others.

This address not bad, and with the equality of all Christians empha-
sized by a curious gesture — the palm of the hand tilted and brought down
in front of the eyes like a roller blind: We do not recognize the limits of
races and nations — altogether topical and bold. But then at the grave a
downright comical cinema scene. An old man, white nautical beard, fat,
red, blue- tinged face, preached yet again, a Bible in one hand, waving a
pince-nez in the other, bawling, weeping, very long and quite childishly
sectarian. 400 years before, the wise men of the Bible foretold the Savior
down to the smallest detail, described his grave exactly, etc. And thus we
are happy in our faith . . . Abrupt contradictions followed one another
with remarkable naivete: "He is sleeping until the Resurrection— he is not
sleeping, he is already in heaven; we rejoice— we must have consolation."
(I have never encountered such a muddling of the two ideas of being
asleep and being on the other side and of being rewarded or atoning as
yesterday.) But there are countless people who still have the strength for
some kind of simple belief (or unbelief). I only have the quite childish hor-
ror of the grave and of nothingness — no more than that.

I was at the funeral without Eva. She is feeling very poorly again. On

26

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

the telephone I heard that the first speaker was a professor at the TU, Dis-
trict Architect Neuffer. Lectures on reinforced concrete, on solid and
wooden building and preaches that one "sees Jesus" — in addition has the
courage to speak out against the limits of blood and of nation. There are
happily organized people!

Political situation bleak. The only comfort or hope is when the tyranny
manifests itself ever more wildly, i.e., ever more uncertain of itself: the cer-
emony at the grave of the "Rathenau eliminators." [ . . . ] A sound film
recording of Hitler, a few sentences in front of a big meeting — clenched
fists, twisted face, wild bawling — "on January 30 they were still laughing
at me, they won't be laughing anymore . . ." It seems that perhaps for the
moment he is all-powerful — but the voice and gestures expressed impo-
tent rage. Doubts of his omnipotence? Does one unceasingly talk about a
thousand years and enemies destroyed, if one is certain of these thousand
years and this annihilation? [ . . . ]

July 28, Friday morning
Exhausting heat for days.

I ended the lecture course on Tuesday. I allowed myself a couple of half-
hidden or flagrant provocations in the course of this cultural history lec-
ture, in part deliberate, in part involuntary — it could have cost me the
professorship. The oddest thing was my relationship with Eva Theissig,
who is fond of me and is Party Cell Organizer or something, at any rate an
adherent of the new regime. As she took her leave of me, to go to Freiburg,
I gave her this advice: "Less politics and more scholarship! And don't give
so much of yourself to this cause. Yours is scholarship — and one can never
know what the future may bring politically. You understand me — my ad-
vice places me in your hands, I wish you well." She asked if she could con-
tinue to turn to me for advice. I believe that she and a thousand other
supporters and members of the Party were disappointed long ago. I be-
lieve (or do I only hope?)— it cannot last much longer. How hysterical all
the words and deeds of the government are! The endless threatening of
the death sentence, the arrest of hostages, recently the interruption of all
long-distance travel from noon to 12:40 p.m. "Search for subversive couri-
ers and pamphlets throughout Germany!" In addition the ridiculous in-
cessant articles about "the victorious battle for work in East Prussia"
(where of course there are no unemployed during the harvest), about the
ending of the boycott movement abroad, etc.

I met Beste, the current dean, political economist. Catholic: It cannot
last! [ . . . ] The last days of the semester presented the TU with the
Gesslerhut: the "Hitler greeting" made obligatory. Obligatory only within
"the place of service." But: "It is expected that the greeting will also be

JULY 1933

27

used elsewhere in order to avoid suspicion of an attitude hostile to the
state! " Until now minor employees and colleagues greeted me with a nod
of the head as always, and I responded in the same way But in offices I
saw employees constantly raising their arms to one another. [ . . . ]

The Polish Jew Sandel. He has stated that he lost the 240M he received
from me in the course of a drinking spree. He told Pratorius that he had
been with some SA men. The attorney's office has abandoned proceed-
ings. Really I am rather glad, why be drawn into something and yet get
nothing back anyway? (The prosecution only punishes — but is not con-
cerned with restitution.) But what course would the affair have taken if
the man had been a German Jew and did not have some SA men up his
sleeve?

Our neighbor Schmidt is building his little house and after long, in
part comical, negotiations is laying his drain through our plot. We can also
use this drain and are laying water and gas at the same time. That is
something at least and increases the value of the plot. But what never end-
ing misery to manage all of it with a few pennies. I have to find 300M
for life insurance by August 31— how can I put by the money in August
for the mains connections? I count every penny, I have never been in
such straits as now. All supplementary sources of income are completely
cut off.

I no longer have the peace of mind to write my diary. A quoi bon? I shall
never get around to any memoirs; whether in four or five years time one
notebook more or less is burned — a quoi bon? And yet the thought of the
memoirs excites me ever more strongly. My very first theater review
comes to mind. In the Berlin Theater I booed Wilbrandt's Timandara, and
someone offered to box my ears. That must have been before 1900. — The
first political opinion that was my own. During the Boer War, I was pro-
English. I think I was instinctively against the glorification of the farmers,
the old days, the old Germans.

The Schmidts showed us their little house— the roof-raising ceremony
takes place today. A poor primitive stone building. The husband himself
works hard during his holidays with pick and shovel. Yesterday he re-
ceived us like a building worker, his shirt tom open, a handkerchief knot-
ted on his head, perspiring. He is a minor tax officer, but was serving as a
sergeant when war broke out, showed us the shot in the lungs he got on
August 20, 1914, at Gumbinnen, was then in Siberia for nearly six years
until 1921 and is now an officially coordinated tax official with wife and
two children. A strong man, in his early forties — I was a little envious of
his simple happiness.

I am ploddingly and hopelessly reading Crebillon for the Eighteenth
Century. I do not believe that I shall once again find the youthful boldness
for a grand and blind general survey, I am drowning in material and scru-
ples. [. . . ]

28

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

August 10, Thursday

[...]

The building affair makes no progress and brings us only one disap-
pointment after another and thus slowly digs our grave. (These are not
mere words.) Recently old Pratorius was completely certain — he had
talked to the "manager"— that I could obtain a 6,000M loan from the Mu-
nicipal Bank. Twice there in the blazing midday sun. Then the "manager"
turned out to be a junior clerk, and the department boss refused us with
almost pitying amusement. It really is beneath one's dignity. But without
the building work I shall certainly be unable to pull Eva through this life
for very much longer.

I have heard nothing more from Walzel and inwardly I am completely
finished with the Italian plan. For about a fortnight now I have been stick-
ing very seriously to the work on the Eighteenth Century. In my few hours
of vigor it gives me real pleasure. But it seems boundless and hopeless. A
few pages are already filled with notes: Cr<§billon, La Motte, etc. But I no
longer believe that I shall manage to write this volume, still less that I shall
ever see it published. One simply has to get through this time with de-
cency. I do not feel at all well and do not believe that I have a long life
ahead of me. Especially since I cannot do anything at all to recover my
health.

Details from the time that is flitting past. Young Fleischhauer (after
years) addressed me on the street. Probationary teacher, engaged, German
National. He was with his fiancee and elegantly dressed. "Don't be sur-
prised if you meet me in the Stahlhelm uniform and with a swastika arm-
band. I have to — and as a member of the Stahlhelm I am, after all,
something better and different from an SA man, and deliverance will come
from the Stahlhelm." (Not from the Democrats — from the German Na-
tionals.)—Frau Krappmann, the cleaning woman, fat "coffee sister" of
Frau Lehmann, her husband a driver with the post office. She relates with
tears in her eyes: one of her husband's colleagues dismissed on the spot
because he did not greet with his arm raised. A friend freed from a con-
centration camp. There, as a man who wears spectacles, he had to answer
to the name "spectacle hound," he had to fetch his food bowl crawling on
all fours if he wanted to eat any food. On his release he had to sign that he
would be silent about everything. — Stepun sent me a Fraulein Isakowitz
for vocational guidance. She took her school-leaving certificate at Easter,
father a Jewish dentist. She would like to become an interpreter. How? The
institute in Mannheim has been moved to Heidelberg, Gutkind re-
moved— who knows where — non- Aryans are not admitted. She wants to
try and study here for one or two semesters. Questionable if she'll be al-
lowed to. Fraulein Giinzburger, an older student of Walzel, who came to
my lectures for a while, sends me her dissertation from Paris. A part of it
printed. The whole thing was supposed to be a volume in Walzel's collec-
tion. On the uses of style by the German Romantics. She received her doc-

AUGUST 1933

29

torate in December 32 in Rouen. Now Hueber refuses to publish the book
of a Jewish author. Her parents have emigrated to Haifa. At the moment,
thanks to Lichtenberger 's good offices, she herself has an award at the Cite
universitaire. Future uncertain. In her curriculum vitae she names as her
teachers after Walzel: Curtius, Klemperer, Rothacker, Spitzer. The first and
probably also last time that I have been named as a teacher by a doctoral
candidate. [ . . . ] Dember finally "put on the retired list." Finally — if this
government is final. [ . . . ]

I want, even if in abbreviated form, to carry on my diary as if the time
still remained for me to one day write the planned memoirs. I want to
work at the Eighteenth Century as if the time still remained to me to write
the book one day. Perhaps I shall after all get over my present depression
and after all have a dozen years before me. Perhaps Eva will one day be-
come a healthy and happier person again. At any rate there is no point at
all in supine despair. But I await each day in greater anguish than I did
when I was younger.

Astonishing and altogether cheering is the wealth of the State Library
with respect to the eighteenth century. Long forgotten authors in several
editions. It was European literature, and the Saxon kings were Europeans.
Today I admired the abundance of voyages literature. For the time being I
ordered nineteen volumes for the reading room.

[...]

August 19, Saturday

On August 12 (eight days ago today) we were the Kuhns' guests in the
(early) evening. Just the two of us. The trip to Weintraube, the short walk
out in Lossnitz to the Kuhns, afterward back to the tram at about twelve:
for us that in itself was an outing and travel and a very welcome change.
The evening alone with the Kiihns (and their very handsome Angora cat,
which once appeared gigantic to us, but now fairly small) passed very
pleasantly. Kuhn, whom I frequently meet at the State Library now, con-
tinues to think that Hitler's prospects are very good. He will hold on,
modify his aims, but not be overthrown. The German nation, perhaps
mankind, wants nothing better. — Frau Kuhn talked about the difficulties
of the lawyers, the Christian ones. There are no bankruptcies anymore— a
National Socialist does not go bankrupt, everything like that is twisted
around along with German law. A few days ago it was reported in the
newspapers, forty-three percent fewer bankruptcy proceedings than
under the former government! [ . . . ]

A novel, or too improbable for a novel. I have still not received the doc-
uments relating to my war service from Munich. It does not take much
imagination to understand what is happening: Munich does not find the
documents— have already received a further request— and consequently I

30

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

am dismissed here. Now, around midday on Wednesday, the sixteenth, an
apparently youthful SA officer addresses me on Prager Strasse. Three stars
on his epaulettes. Iron Cross, First Class, and other decorations. Good-
natured, friendly face, quite unknown to me. "Excuse me? Did you not
serve with the Bavarians during the war? With the Sixth Battery of the
Sixth Bavarian Field Artillery Regiment? — Zinsmeister." I pretended that
I remembered him, but did not have a clue. I felt, my way, what was he.
doing here? what was his profession? "Electrician. I have been posted here
to Koch & Sterzel [ . . . ] after that I am to get a permanent government
post" (in Baden I think). I took my leave with a few friendly words. Had
he not been wearing the uniform, I would probably have invited him
home. At any rate: a witness. He said he had recognized me at once. (After
eighteen years!)

On Tuesday, August 15, a bus trip— a "mystery tour." The fashionable
thing— for the petit bourgeois, for the elderly, for those who have diffi-
culty walking. As we left the station at two, the mystery tour by tram was
also just setting off (even more emphatically for the "little people," be-
cause cheaper, 1.50 against 3 or 4M in the bus). At the front a car with the
conductors' band, then nine or ten full carriages. There were three buses,
each with some thirty passengers (a couple on little folding chairs) and a
manager and a master of ceremonies, who made short humorous speeches,
helped when people were getting out, etc. Fortunately our (third) bus was
open, and when on the return journey it rained a couple of times, our mas-
ter of ceremonies, Reissmann (he had introduced himself), had constantly
to wind the top up and down. We really drove zigzag into the blue to the
accompaniment of a great deal of guessing. [ . . . ]

For coffee we were at the table of two elderly ladies "of better society,"
superior gossips, completely Aryan, fragments of their conversation: in-
dignation that some Jewish doctor — such a fine man, such a good fam-
ily— has been deprived of his livelihood. — After coffee there was
"cabaret" in the large room. The three managers performed all sorts of
things. Only the solemn first poem, "Michel, be German!" against foreign-
ers. But not a shred of politics, no anti-Semitism — the most harmless com-
edy, animal voices, dialects, etc. [ . . . ] The whole leisurely excursion [ . . . ]
probably lasted two and a half to three hours. [ . . . ]

From now on I want always to note briefly what occurs to me in rela-
tion to my memoirs. Do I already have my first independent political im-
pulse? In 1899 I was for the English when everyone, the whole Jewish
business of Lowenstein & Hecht, was enthusiastically for the Boers. My
first impression of American music: the Sousa band in Paris in 1903. How
they came in one after another and began to play. How they played
"Washington Post." My first awareness of a big war: I was crossing
Kantstrasse in Berlin with Eva, and the special editions were shouting
about the Japanese torpedo attack at Port Arthur.

I simply cannot believe that the mood of the masses is really still behind
Hitler. Too many signs of the opposite. But everyone, literally everyone

AUGUST 1933

31

cringes with fear. No letter, no telephone conversation, no word on the
street is safe anymore. Everyone fears the next person may be an informer.
Frau Krappmann warns against the all too National Socialist Frau
Lehmann — and Frau Lehmann tells us with great bitterness that her
brother has been sentenced to one year in prison because he lent a "real
Communist" a copy of the Rote Fahne [Red Flag], but the "real Commu-
nist" had been an informer.

Eighteenth Century, first half, back and forth, always with the greatest
interest and always with a sense of oceanic inexhaustibility. Travel ac-
counts in the State Library (quartos) and at home (octavos). La Fosse, La
Motte, Piron. "Over and done with": Petermann, Vers und Prosa Streit.
Momet, Pensee frangaise. The hardest thing some day will be arrangement.
Organize the thing as a whole? Disjecta membra? Currents? Types of liter-
ature? But I often believe, mostly in fact, that this "some day" will never
come now. I have lost the impudent, superficial and nevertheless talented
attack of my earlier years. To copy out and merely assemble in my own
way does not tempt me anymore.

August 22, Tuesday, toward evening

Every day a bit of Eighteenth Century, itself, about it, and every day more
discouraged. [ . . . ] A second mystery tour yesterday, Monday, and again
very satisfactory. This time it really went through everyday Dresden, the
plainer north of the city— and yet very pretty. [ . . . ]

August 28, Monday

On Saturday we undertook a third mystery tour. It was an exact repetition
of the first. This time I saw more of the landscape than the first time. We
did not bother with part of the entertainment and walked down the beau-
tiful country road toward the Rabenauer Grund. [ . . . ]

The trip was doubly spoiled for me. First of all, my eyes are becoming
ever more sensitive to light, severe eye pains running toward the back of
my head tormented me the whole time and for the whole of the evening.
And then, an exceedingly hostile and devastating expert opinion in the
Hueber case had arrived in the morning. According to it I (my handwrit-
ing) must take almost all the blame and Hueber is allowed to offset 514M
against my claim of 600M. If that is accepted, not only do I not get any fee,
I also have to find 2,300M costs — the opinion alone costs 132M. I kept the
thing to myself the whole day so as not to upset Eva, who is suffering from
her nerves again. — Not until yesterday, when I was already thinking
more calmly about everything and had a reply in mind, did I tell Eva as
undramatically as possible — much more lightly than I see the business in
fact. The effect was nevertheless catastrophic. Diesterweg had rejected my

32

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

"Image of France" two days before, because it is "purely backward look-
ing" and neglects "national points of view." So all earnings possibilities
are cut off; and since all, absolutely all attempts to procure money for
building have come to nothing, and our financial position becomes ever
more desperate — a civil servant can provide no security, least of all a non-
Aryan one! — and since the dreaded winter is drawing closer, Eva is close
to despair once more. Even successful excursions, little walks, etc. only
bring momentary improvement. Immediately afterward there are always
the self- tormenting words, pleasures for a cripple!

[...]

On one occasion, on a Sunday morning, I was up in Dolzschen alone
and went walking with Dember for half an hour; a few days later Dember
and wife came for supper. He is terribly bitter, isolated and obsessed by
his misfortune, a man completely thrown off his balance, almost broken.

[...]

I am still leafing through my old travelers, the lettres £difiantes. La
Hontan, etc. I still feel very gloomy as far as my Eighteenth Century is
concerned.

A day later: ultimatum from the government. I had to provide evidence
within four days of my hitherto "merely presumed" front-line service.
Today my "Front-line service certificate" arrived from Munich. It attests
"one engagement" and "trench warfare in French Flanders from
19.11.15-19.2.16." Eva immediately said that was not right, and indeed
going through my letters I found that I was still at the front on April 4 and
was only admitted to military hospital that day. I do not like to go through
the dusty old bundles. Besides the certificate is sufficient. I will not com-
plain for the time being.

September 6, Wednesday morning

On Thursday, August 31, our fourth mystery tour (we do everything in se-
ries). I had eye preservers with me and for the first time avoided all
headache. Landscape especially beautiful. Through the New Town to the
"Wilder Mann." Boxdorf, Dippelsdorf — so again the heath, ponds and in
the distance Schloss Moritzburg, Weinbohla, Niederau, Meissen [ . . . ]

On Saturday, September 2, at the Kohlers. Pleasant and peaceful as al-
ways. It does one good to be with "Aryans" to whom the present tyranny
is as terrible as it is to us. After twelve o'clock the young Kohlers accom-
panied us home on foot. We invited them up for a tot of whisky and it
began to rain. We sat up till half past two and got to bed at three.

I write at length about pleasures; they are the exception, and in general
our life proceeds very unhappily. Eva is forever ailing and seriously de-
pressed; I myself am constantly plagued by heart and eye trouble. And
there is the constant pointless tyranny, uncertainty and dishonorableness

SEPTEMBER 1933

33

of our position in the Third Reich. My hopes of a swift about-face are fad-
ing. The streets crowded with SA. The Niimberg Party Rally has just been
raging. The press worships Hitler like God and the prophets rolled into
one. — On top of that no change in the continuing pressure of the misery
of the house business. — If only Eva could play music, everything would
not be half as bad and perhaps quite good.

I continue reading on the eighteenth century. A good book would come
out of it if I were to stay alive long enough. But I need years (plural) for it.
My eyes fail me all too often while I am working, all too often I also fall
asleep in the morning. Nevertheless my studies give me something to
hold on to and a degree of consolation.

Walter Jelski, the eternal bohemian, asked us in a pretty letter from
Basel whether he could spend the winter with us as "maid of all work."
We would really have been glad to take him in, but we had to (really: had
to) refuse because we do not have enough money. Our finances are hope-
less. Gutkind, deprived of his post at the Interpreters' Institute in
Mannheim, wrote a letter from Paris. He is working on French sports lan-
guage. I wrote to him: One has to work on the language of sports in the
way that Hettner dealt with the Enlightenment: England- America, Ger-
many, France. This trinity would yield a very fine study in comparative
culture and idealist philology. On the situation or as comfort I merely
wrote (on a postcard): "We'll chat again &s chambres des dames, cf.
Joinville, ed. Wailly, 1243." As in the days of the Encyclopedia!

Fraulein Gunzburger asked me from Paris to recommend her to the
chairman of the Alliance isra£lite, the Indologist Sylvain Levi. I did so in a
German letter.

September 15, Friday afternoon

The great mystery tour, the fifth and probably the last (the first to Liibau,
second to Liegau, third to Liibau, fourth Meissen-Friedensburg) because
now it's the time for bad autumn weather and early darkness. [ . . . ]

On September 8 we ate at the Blumenfelds. Frau Dember and Herr
Gerstle were there too. Dember himself is mysteriously in Switzerland,
he is signing a contract there with Turkey and will be professor at the
University of Constantinople for a few years. Frau Gerstle was in
Konigsberg helping to pack. The Sebba family is now really going to
Haifa; we shall probably see them here tomorrow. I disliked Gerstle's at-
titude. He seemed almost to have reconciled himself to the situation, at
least he was resigned to the will of God, declared Hitler a genius, did
"not want to underestimate" the enemy "too much," evidently consid-
ered the current situation not to be the worst of all possible bad situa-
tions, etc., etc.

34

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

On the twelfth we were up in Dolzschen, on our ill-fated plot and at
Frau Dember's. These rare excursions to Dolzschen affect Eva badly — pre-
cisely because they are wearisome, because she does not get anything at
all out of her land; and because she sees houses going up all around (when
we bought, there were two houses on the Strasse am Kirschberg, now
there are almost seven), whereas we make no progress. Hopeless. Her
mood darkens repeatedly, she is often really ill, lies in bed all morning —
and my own health declines more and more.

September 17, Sunday evening

Yesterday afternoon at Frau Schaps. Took leave of the Sebbas, who now
really are emigrating to Haifa. Their furniture is already afloat, and they
themselves are traveling to Trieste today, going on by boat from there. I ex-
changed a few very heartfelt words with Jule Sebba. All sentimentality
was avoided, and as soon as everyone was sitting down together we
talked very pleasantly. But underneath it all there was nevertheless very
deep sorrow, bitterness, love and hate. It touched me greatly, Eva was hit
terribly hard. Jule Sebba said he had always felt he was an Eastern Jew and
therefore rootless and not attached to Germanness. But after all he is ex-
changing Europe and security for a new colony and uncertainty, he is
leaving with wife and child and starting again as a fifty-year-old. We two,
Eva and I, suffer immensely because Germany violates all justice and all
culture in such a manner.

That same evening we had, for the first time in a long while, a large
party here once again — the four " respectable" Kohlers, Annemarie and
the Wenglers, brother and sister. All evening there was only one subject of
conversation, the frightful one. We make jokes and laugh and are basically
all in despair. [ . . . ]

September 19, Tuesday evening

Contemporary history on film! This time the Niimberg rally of the Nazi
Party. What stage direction of the crowds and what hysteria! Hitler conse-
crates new standards by touching them with the "blood flag" of 1923: Gun-
fire every time the flag cloths touch. (Eva says, "Catholic hysteria.") [ . . . ]

This morning State Library. I find it impossible to work there: I only
study the catalog, choose things, get my bearings. I am repeatedly amazed
at the wealth of 18e si£cle.

A long time with my lawyer in the afternoon. My case, now almost a
year old, is going very badly. Hueber's senseless counterclaim, the hostile
expert opinion. We passed on to politics and since Langenhan is a sympa-
thetic, trustworthy man, I got a chance to talk about the precariousness of

OCTOBER 1933

35

my situation, about my great bitterness. He was very shocked. He said he
and his circle had always been against Hitler's immoderate anti-Semitism,
but it was new to him, and it depressed him greatly, that so much mischief
was being caused. He said we were no longer a state based on law.

[...]

October 9, Monday

Birthday wishes: To see Eva healthy once again, in our own house, at her
harmonium. Not to have to tremble every morning and evening in antici-
pation of hysterics. To see the end of the tyranny and its bloody downfall.
See my Eighteenth Century finished and published. No pains in my side
and no thoughts of death.

I do not believe that even one of these wishes will come true for me.

The mood at home and the health of both of us became really poor
when our last hope of building money came to nothing, when there
proved to be no prospect of somehow being able to move up to Dolzschen.
We must stay here, and that means imprisonment for Eva all through the
winter and more housework for me and more blows to my literally and
not only metaphorically tired heart.

On top of that the growing tyranny, the growing misery and sinking
hope of any foreseeable end. (Although the gnashing of teeth in the most
diverse social strata is becoming ever more audible.) — Especially repug-
nant to us is the behavior of some Jews. They are beginning to submit in-
wardly and to regard the new ghetto situation atavistically as a legal
condition that has to be accepted. Gerstle, the director of the lucrative Fig
Coffee Company, brother-in-law by the way of the emigrated Jule Sebba,
says Hitler is a genius, and if only the foreign boycott of Germany ceases,
then one will be able to live; Blumenfeld thinks one must "not live on illu-
sions" and "face facts"; Kaufmann — his son in Palestine! — says something
similar, and his wife, forever the silly goose, has got so accustomed to the
slogans of press and radio that she parrots the phrases about the "van-
quished system" whose unsoundness had been proven once and for all.
Recently, on September 25, after a gap of years, we had to go to the Kauf-
manns for a ghastly coffee afternoon, because the Hamburg sister, Frau
Rosenberg, was there and because we could not evade the constant invita-
tions any longer. [ . . . ] Anyone who does not at every hour of the day
hope for revolt is a low dog! Eva's bitterness is even greater than mine.
National Socialism, she says, more precisely the attitude of the Jews
toward it, is making her anti-Semitic.

Dember is now certain of an invitation to the University of Constan-
tinople and will move there in the middle of October. Actually I envy
him. We were often together recently. Once, after a meeting, which I did
not attend, Robert Wilbrandt called me, whether we would like to come

36

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

to him for tea. We had visited their then very new villa near Wachwitz
some years ago, then the thing had petered out. We accepted and did not
go. A week later I telephoned him to apologize and invited him here. He
accepted — "but must ask us whether we wished to have a guest who was
a danger to the state?" — "Why?" — He had been suddenly dismissed. He
was here on Saturday, without his wife, who had a colic problem. "Polit-
ically unreliable," the business with the pacifist Gumbel, whom he had
stood up for (while he was still in Marburg), had been dug up. The man
is 58, in poor health, no longer well-to-do, has children from two mar-
riages. [ . . . ] The Blumenfelds were here that same evening and Gusti
Wieghardt, back after four months in Thuro, where she and her sister
stayed with Karen Michaelis. A little emigre and Communist group
seems to have gathered there. Then yesterday evening Gusti was here
alone with us, and tomorrow we shall visit her. We tell one another many
details, horror stories, "fairy stories" of course. Opinions on the duration
of the state of affairs diverge, no one believes in a swift change, what will
happen afterward no one knows. What is certain is that the terror gets
worse every day.

I met Ulich in the State Library. He has been suspended on half pay. He
tells me pressure is being put on him to give up his honorary professor-
ship voluntarily. Otherwise he will be reduced to 200M. Since his first
wife, Ulich-Beil, has likewise been dismissed, he has to provide for two
families alone.

Holldack, the once proud Teuton (his mother is Jewish), has ap-
proached Dember to ask whether there are any possibilities for him in
Constantinople; he no longer feels safe here.

Georg wrote to me today, his Otto is at the Cavendish Laboratory in
Cambridge, his youngest, the economist, installed in Chicago, the fate of
the two middle sons is still uncertain. Marta wrote, the three Sussmann
daughters are "gone." In her muddled way she forgot to say where.

One could adapt the proverb and say, "The worse is the enemy of the
bad"; I am beginning to think that Mussolini's regime is almost human
and European. Eight days ago on Saturday we were guests of the Weng-
lers, brother and sister. They have moved into a small but pretty apart-
ment on Weintraubenstrasse. Wengler has completely recovered from his
stroke. Spaak, a drawing teacher and painter, later his wife, the actress
Lotte Crusius, who — gray haired, old — could be his mother, were there as
well. Both somehow "coordinated," outwardly at least. [ . . . ]

On her return journey Gusti Wieghardt visited her very right-wing rel-
atives in Berlin: the widow of District Judge Miihlbach, the latter's mother,
the rectoress, and her son. Lieutenant Miihlbach. Bitterness everywhere
and throughout that stratum. Georg Miihlbach is supposed to have been
ill literally for weeks, he had trained SA people with the greatest reluc-
tance. — Gush also told us a great deal about several especially bad con-
centration camps. About the misery the now sixty-year-old Erich Miihsam

OCTOBER 1933

37

is suffering. He had already been released when a diary he had kept dur-
ing his imprisonment was found and he was fetched back. I myself am
constantly being warned about keeping a diary. But then so far I am not
suspected of anything.

A sudden decree to make the whole of Tuesday afternoon and half of
Thursday afternoon free for military sports. The Cultural Sciences Section
can basically only lecture in the afternoon. A series of lectures was simply
canceled. Scholarship is no longer essential.

[...]

Birthday greetings from Wally arrived in the afternoon. Her three
daughters: Lotte is completing her medical training in England, the com-
mercial Kate and Hilde in Stockholm and the USA. The parents alone.

[...]

For me slowly, interestingly and hopelessly on with the Eighteenth
Century. With the minor figures, along the edges, amid the facts. Geoffroy,
La Harpe. What has to be described is the absolute dissolution into one an-
other of Enlightenment, Rococo, Early Romanticism, idea, sentiment, ab-
straction and positivism, the republique des lettres une et indivisible, the
si&cle des lumi&res poetiques. [ . . . ] But I do not believe that I shall still
manage this book. Not that and not the //Memories.,,

October 22, Sunday

Something from a novel. A couple of weeks ago we were infuriated by
Gerstle. His brother-in-law in Palestine, and he comes to terms with the
"genius" Hitler and desires only a slackening of the foreign boycott. [ . . . ]
A little while ago Frau Schaps telephoned to say she wanted to visit us in
the evening for coffee. Her Gerstle children have been invited to dinner
at the Blumenfelds and would bring her to us in the car. At eight o'clock in
the evening she called to cancel. It is not possible today, I should not be
angry, another time. Depressed voice, no reasons given. Eight days later
with the Blumenfelds at the Dembers' farewell coffee. That was last
Thursday, and yesterday Dember left for Constantinople, his family fol-
lows him in November. Grete Blumenfeld very downcast, tearful. I in-
quired, she wanted to cover up, it gradually came out bit by bit. Frau
Schaps— her "second mother," Toni Gerstle— her closest friend. "I shall
never see them again." That evening the Gerstles had not gone to the Blu-
menfelds after all. Suddenly "gone away." Difficulties had been raised at
his factory, they wanted to impose "changes." He required foreign cur-
rency for his Fig purchases, no doubt he did not stick to the regulations.
Meanwhile the whole family— under new German law hostages are taken
after all— was officially at their country house in Oberbarenburg, de facto
presumably already over the border (to Czechoslovakia). Flight to the
Holy Land; what property they take with them, what the genius Hitler

38

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

will keep, I do not know. Neither I nor Eva nor Gusti Wieghardt could
suppress our Schadenfreude. That evening I delivered a fierce speech to
Blumenfeld on the duty of inner readiness, on the duty not to let hate
slacken for even an hour.

October 23, Monday

Friedmann dismissed in Leipzig, Olschki in Heidelberg. — I heard today
that Walter Jelski is going to Palestine. All three Sussmann daughters are
abroad.

Fritz Thiele here a few days ago, with him District Attorney Fischer,
whom we got to know in Leipzig. Neither of them friends of the Nazis,
even if not vehement opponents. We ate at the Ratskeller with them.

Once, on the fourteenth, at the "respectable" Kohlers. Here there is par-
ticular indignation at the "German Christians." Since her return from
Denmark Gusti Wieghardt is often here.

When the withdrawal from the League of Nations took place a few
days ago, I believed for a moment that this could accelerate the fall of the
government. I no longer believe it. The plebiscite and the splendid Reichs-
tag "election" on November 12 are magnificent advertising. No one will
dare not to vote, and no one will respond with a No in the vote of confi-
dence. Because (1) Nobody believes in the secrecy of the ballot and (2) A
No will be taken as a Yes anyway.

There are some things I shall hardly live to see: (1) the fall of the gov-
ernment, (2) the construction of our house, (3) the straightforward enjoy-
ment of a few days. — Constant pains, and I do not know to what extent
they are rheumatic in nature, to what extend to do with my heart. Always
Eva's depression. Always money problems.

Twice — pleasant autumn excursions — we were out at Hauser's; a veri-
table estate near Tolkewitz. Choosing trees. For several days now Eva has
been making everything ready for planting. She goes up at eleven, I fetch
her at three. The taxi costs 5 to 6M every time. Then afterward she is very
tired and even more sad than before. Now she wants to have a wall or a bit
of terrace made. I shall go on saying yes down to the last penny, but I shall
soon reach that last penny. My shrunken salary is further suffering from
"voluntary" deductions. "Winter Aid," "National Work" one percent of
total income, ten percent of income tax — that is how it is assessed. "Rector
and Senate have agreed — if there is no objection, the cashier's office will
deduct the sum from the salary." Who dares object? And no possibility of
publishing anything. The philological journals, the journal of the univer-
sity association have adopted the opinions and jargon of the Third Reich
to such an extent that every page makes one feel sick. The November crim-
inals— Hitler's iron broom — the Jewish spirit — free scholarship on Na-
tional Socialist foundations, etc., etc.

[.-•]

NOVEMBER 1933

39

October 30, Monday, toward evening

I work, I spend money as if my future were secure. Yet every hour I receive
a warning from my heart, and I believe that my health is close to collapse
and that either the tyranny will last for a long time yet or be superseded
by chaos. I shall continue to behave as-if, anything else would be even
more pointless.

The expenditures: Eva goes up to Dolzschen and back every day by
taxi. Today was the big planting day, a whole park. That may cost 100M, a
fortune for me now. Also I am raising money on my life insurance again,
probably about 600M, to have a cellar, a dugout, as it were, built up there.
That will mean even more interest payments. But Eva is desperate and
putting pressure on me, I cannot and do not want to offer resistance — per-
haps she will prove to be in the right, and the house will be built after all.
And if everything goes to pieces, then at least she has had some happi-
ness, and I have done what I could, perhaps even more.

My work: Prevost for days, notes on the Homme de qualite, which would
yield me a very fine additional essay — subjunctive — if, that is, I knew of a
journal for it. But what else should I do except anesthetize myself with my
studies? — Today in an interesting emigre letter from Paris, Dr. Elsbeth
Giinzburger writes that a German publishing house for "us" has been es-
tablished in Amsterdam. But how should I approach this publishing
house? It could cost me my post, after all. Wait and see for the time being.

I now hear sometimes — moods change! — it cannot last much longer,
the money will be gone in eight, nine months time, industry will break
down because it has been squeezed dry. Thus Blumenfeld, who was com-
pletely pessimistic before, thus Annemarie Kohler, thus Gusti Wieghardt
reporting what her Communist friends here and abroad say.

At the moment the "election" propaganda for November 12, for the
plebiscite and the "unity list" for the Reichstag dominates everything.
People are running around with "election badges" ("Yes") on their lapels.

November 2, Thursday

Especially depressing day. In the morning on our plot, in the afternoon
with the lawyer. I am borrowing money again from the Iduna, to build a
cellar. Constantly rising prices and no prospect of really carrying out the
construction. But Eva clings desperately to the thing, and her desperation
forces me forward step by step . . . Large expense of the planting. Addi-
tional costs of the utility connections. — The Hueber case looks extraordi-
narily bad for me.

The Gerstle-Schaps-Salzburg families are living in a hotel in Teplitz. A
National Socialist lawyer goes across the border to them. Thus negotia-
tions with the government are conducted safely, and no potential hostages
have been left here either.

40

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

I ran into Janentzky at the bank; he told me that Holldack has converted
from Protestantism to Catholicism; he does not want to be a second-class
Christian because his mother was Jewish.

Walter Jelski has gone to Palestine. Perhaps he will prosper there. After
all, it is like something from a novel.

I cannot help myself, I sympathize with the Arabs who are in revolt
there, whose land is being "bought." A Red Indian fate, says Eva. — In re-
cent days once at the Blumenfelds and visited Gusti Wieghardt once. In re-
membrance of the Gerstle case, Gusti railed against the "dirty Jews" in
Palestine, capitalists falling upon the Arabs. [ . . . ] What shall we do on No-
vember 12? No one believes that the secrecy of the ballot will be protected,
no one believes either in a fair counting of votes; so why be a martyr? On
the other hand: say yes to this government? It is unbelievably unpleasant.

November 9, Thursday

At the first lecture Monday, French Renaissance, five people; for the exer-
cises, Renaissance lyric poetry, four; today at Corneille, two. These two:
Lore Isakowitz, yellow Jewish card — really she wants to be an interpreter, I
have already been advising her for some time — and Hirschowicz, stateless,
non- Aryan, father originally Turkish, blue card, the German students have
brown cards. The mass of the students is uninterruptedly taken up with
election propaganda; they must organize parades, "publicize" in every pos-
sible way — most extreme pressure; Karl Wieghardt complained bitterly to
me about it; also a quite unencumbered Pedagogical Institute student said
to me, "many are fed up to the back teeth" with it. It is possible, therefore,
that a couple more students will come to me after the twelfth. All the same,
I must now seriously, very seriously reckon with the withdrawal of my
chair. [ . . . ] And what am I to do, if I am dismissed here? I can do nothing
practical, not even speak and write French. I can only do literary history. I
could also be a good journalist. But there is no demand for either any-
where. And yet we are putting all our financial reserves and more into the
Dolzschen business. Now we have raised 900M again from the Iduna, to
build a cellar or dugout. Eva is up there a great deal and gardens and
"moves earth," and a laborer is regularly enlisted as well.

It is with a certain lethargy that I let everything take its course.

Last Sunday afternoon the Kaufmanns and Frau Rosenberg were here
for coffee. There was a terribly heated scene, when Herr Kaufmann de-
clared he had resolved on a "Yes" in the plebiscite. The Central Associa-
tion of German Jews had after all given the same advice "with heavy
heart." I completely lost my temper, thumped the table with my fist and
repeatedly bellowed at him, whether he considered these rulers, to whose
policies he was assenting, to be criminals or not. He refused [ . . . ] to reply;
I had "no right to put this question." For his part he asked me mockingly
why I remained in my post. I replied that I had not been appointed by this

NOVEMBER 1933

41

government and did not serve it and that I represented Germany's cause
with a very clear conscience, that / was a German and I above all.

November 11

The extravagant propaganda for a "Yes" vote. On every commercial vehi-
cle, post office van, mailman's bicycle, on every house and shopwindow,
on broad banners, which are stretched across the street — quotations from
Hitler are everywhere and always "Yes" for peace! It is the most mon-
strous of hypocrisies. [ . . . ] Demonstrations and chanting into the night,
loudspeakers on the streets, vehicles (with wireless apparatus playing
music mounted on top), both cars and trams.

Yesterday from one until two the "festive hour." "During the thirteenth
hour Adolf Hitler will come to the workers." The language of the Gospels
exactly. The Redeemer comes to the poor. And on top of that the American
show style. The howl of sirens, the minute's silence ... I was upstairs with
the Dembers [ . . . ] In the little room sat Frau Dember, doing needlework,
Emita, an elderly Wendish children's nurse and part-time maid, Frau
Mark and myself. From the engine shop at Siemensstadt. For several min-
utes one heard the whistling, squealing, hammering, then the siren and
the humming of the switched-off wheels. A very skillful, calmly delivered
evocation of the atmosphere by Goebbels, then more than forty minutes of
Hitler. A mostly hoarse, strained, agitated voice, long passages in the
whining tone of the sectarian preacher. Content: I know no intellectuals,
bourgeois, proletarians— only the people. Why have millions of my oppo-
nents remained in the country? The emigres are "scoundrels" like the
Rasser brothers. And a couple of hundred thousand rootless internation-
alists— interruption: "Jews!" — want to set nations of millions at one an-
other's throats. I want only peace, I have risen from the common people, I
want nothing for myself, I have power for another three and a half years
and need no title. You should say yes for your own sake. Etc., in no proper
order, impassioned; every sentence mendacious, but I almost believe: un-
consciously mendacious. The man is a blinkered fanatic.

November 14

On Sunday I voted "No" in the plebiscite, and I also wrote "No" on the
Reichstag ballot paper. Eva left both slips empty. That was almost a brave
deed, because the whole world expects the secrecy of the ballot to be vio-
lated. [ . . . ] I do not believe that it really was infringed. It was anyway un-
necessary for two reasons: (1) It is enough that everyone believed in the
violation and was therefore afraid; (2) the correctness of the result as an-
nounced was already guaranteed, since the Party dominates everything
without opposition. I must also acknowledge that millions were made

42

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

drunk by the weeks of boundless and boundlessly mendacious "propa-
ganda for peace," which was countered by not a single printed or spoken
word. — For all that: When the triumph was published yesterday: 93 per-
cent vote for Hitler! 40 A million "Yes," 2 million "No"— 39H million for the
Reichstag, 3'A million "invalid" — I was laid low, I almost believed the fig-
ures and held them to be the truth. And since then we have been told in
every possible key: this "election" is recognized abroad, "all of Germany"
is seen to be behind Hitler, [the foreign powers] admire Germany's unity,
will be conciliatory toward it, etc., etc. Now all of it makes me drunk, I too
am beginning to believe in the power and the permanency of Hitler. It's
dreadful. — On top of everything else "London says": What especially
commanded admiration was that even in the concentration camps most
had voted "Yes." But that is undoubtedly either a matter of falsification or
compulsion. But what good is the rational "undoubtedly"? If I have no
choice but to read and hear something everywhere, it is forced upon me.
And if I can hardly guard against believing it — how shall millions of naive
people guard against it? And if they believe, then they are indeed won by
Hitler and the power and the glory are really his.

Gusti Wieghardt told me recently that an advertising brochure for some
electrical goods or other had been sent to her. In the middle of the adver-
tising text there had been a Communist article. [ . . . ] But what good do
such pinpricks do? Less than none. Because all Germany prefers Hitler to
the Communists. And I see no difference between either of the two move-
ments; both are materialistic and lead to slavery.

November 22

Recently a great deal of socializing in our narrowed circle. At the Blumen-
felds (only the two of us), at Gusti Wieghardt's, in Heidenau. There Dr.
Dressel examined my heart and my blood pressure and once again found
"everything objectively in good condition." For how long?— A certain de-
pression and resignation everywhere. The government appears to be sta-
bilized, the other countries are getting accustomed to it, allow themselves
to be impressed, give way.

A philosophical letter from little Hirsch. How he employs his time prof-
itably and guards against bitterness. I am going to collect these emigre and
ghetto letters, I already have one from Mile. Giinzburger in Paris. Strange
moods of waiting, hoping, resignation, finding a role for oneself, etc.

Hueber case especially distressing. A year ago it was supposed to get
me my rightful 600M; now it has taken such a turn that I have to expect
costs of several hundreds and must literally live in fear of the bailiffs. Be-
cause where is the money to come from? Everything goes into the house
business. [ . . . ] Eva clings desperately to it. She is up there now three to X
times a week — taxi there and back — often has workers to help her, it all
adds up, and yet [ . . . ] it is simply impossible to say when we will ever be

DECEMBER 1933

43

able to live up there. For the time being it is an all too expensive toy. But it
makes her happy — and it is no more expensive than a sanatorium.

At the lecture I now have, and that is probably final, eight students, in
the seminars three and five, i.e., I am constantly under threat of being dis-
missed.

Continuing studies, notes on the Eighteenth Century, but without mak-
ing any progress. Like this I would probably have to read for another two
years before getting around to writing. The attack of earlier years is quite
gone, I read and take things in and make notes. I no longer quite believe I
shall complete the volume. My days are completely filled. In the mornings
the long sojourns with the housekeeping, then a couple of hours work,
then washing the dishes, coffee, reading aloud, shopping — my only walk,
unless I fetch Eva from Hohendolzschen, although I hardly leave tram and
taxi; I take the taxi from Chemnitzer Platz. In the evening reading aloud
again. In recent weeks Doyen de Killerine by Prevost.

I am pleased simply if a day passes without Eva suffering severe de-
pression and without trouble because of the Hueber case or at the univer-
sity. I have gradually become a master at suppressing all my worries,
plunging "doggedly" (Hitler's favorite word) into work, any kind of
work.

December 12, Tuesday

A week ago today Eva had to lie down because of a new attack of her foot
ailment, and since then things have been very bad. She lies down almost
the whole day, propped up in the dining room — movement always brings
back the pain— and the trouble has a terrible effect on her state of mind.
Since at the same time there has been a severe frost, as a result of which all
the disadvantages of the apartment are brutally in evidence — rooms that
cannot be heated, ice on the bottom of the bath, often impossible for Eva
to climb the stairs to the bath (under the roof!)— everything is twice as
bad. At moments of deepest depression Eva virtually blames me for her
ruined life and wretched dying, because against her urgent wishes, her
better judgment, her calculations and building plans, I had hesitated far
too long with the construction, until it was too late. And even after I un-
dertook to do it, I had done so hesitantly and reluctantly. How should I
reply to this accusation? Could I know how terrible the course of events
would be, doubly terrible as far as Eva's health and political develop-
ments are concerned, which drain my energy? And what have I left un-
done since we returned from Lugano? Still she is right: I resisted at first.
The burden and the commitment seemed too great to me, my inexperience
in building matters too dangerous. [ . . . ]

In addition to the psychological stress there is the heavy housework. I
have managed, with an effort, to keep my Monday lecture going. Apart
from that I have not been at my desk all week. The maid comes more often

44

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

than usual, but most of it falls on me. In the morning stoke three stoves,
take care of the cat "boxes," do a little dusting, prepare breakfast [ . . . ] —
by the time I have finished all of that, it is almost twelve. And then more
of the same, and a lot of reading aloud. And happy if there are no out-
breaks of despair on Eva's part at the slightest thing, because they literally
hammer at my heart. [ . . . ]

My position at the university has deteriorated. Last semester the oral PI
examinations were handed over to Wengler. Now the secretariat is reject-
ing written examination topics proposed by me. The senate declared that
it was unable to do anything about it. These are state examinations, and
the ministry has "withdrawn me from the examining board." With that it
is no longer possible for the students to choose French as an option —
which is the point of the exercise — because Wengler gives only Italian in-
struction and is quite unfamiliar to the PI people. From Easter I will have
no more students and will then be dispatched by para 6 ("superfluous").

December 15, Friday

The last few days terrible. Eva at home for one and a half weeks now, al-
most always confined to bed. In addition the terrible cold — today the ice
burst the pipe in the bathroom under the damaged roof. Catastrophe of
being unable to wash. My hands are chafed all over.

A miserable hope. The Dembers have sold their house, the money is in
a blocked account. I made them the offer of borrowing perhaps 800M from
it at an interest rate higher than the banks. Then we could build a "minia-
ture" house. Frau Dember, whom I spoke to for a long time yesterday, is
favorably disposed. But will her husband want to, will the state agree?
Both questionable. Meanwhile work has been started on the excavation of
a cellar space, but the construction of this basement will, of course, have to
wait until there is a thaw.

Today I was in Dolzschen village. I handed over a letter at the town hall
and visited the same "Farmer Fischer" who plowed up the land for us, to
order straw for the shaft for the water pipe. The smooth, snow-covered
fields, the fog in the distance and over the low-lying land, but also over the
plateau, but blue sky above it was glorious. Somehow the white fields re-
minded me of winter walks in 1901 in Landsberg when I was a sixth former.

[ . . . ] I do not find any time for my own work, but recently I have read a few
things aloud, which are important for my Eighteenth Century. [ . . . ]

December 16, Saturday

Only the water supply in the kitchen is working, everything else frozen
up. Living as if we were in a dugout. But Eva a little more mobile, no
longer in bed, and so her mood somewhat lighter and braver. I myself

DECEMBER 1933

45

yoked to the housekeeping, my hands so chapped around the finger joints
that my handwriting is affected, in the seminar I tell my three to six stu-
dents it's "gardening." But a little heartened and relieved by Eva's im-
proved state of health. Once she can look after the household reasonably
well again, I shall have to spend days catching up on notes. [ . . . ] Thank
God the Christmas holidays are near.

A gray sky. Slight hope of milder weather. The nights dropped below 20
degrees. We are heating the bedroom, which never happens. We are con-
stantly freezing.

December 23

No frost for three days and there has been a gradual alleviation in the
house. But Eva continues to be depressed and not very mobile. I am still
unable to think of work, the housekeeping devours me. [ . . . ]

In the evening the Dembers were here to take their leave. Their money
from the sale of the house is in a blocked account, they have to pay 25 per-
cent of it as Reich Flight Property Tax, for a couple of days they had to reg-
ister twice a day with the police. Then at the beginning of the week Emita
was arrested at ten o'clock in the evening: denounced because of reckless
remarks . . . Interrogation until three in the morning, two nights in a cell at
police headquarters, transferred to the court prison at Munchner Platz,
there another couple of hours of uncertainty in a cell, then released. She
described the psychological stress of imprisonment in great detail and
very vividly.

Just heard via the Blumenfelds, that Kafka, his nerves gone, has applied
for retirement. Broken down at fifty years of age.

[...]

December 31, Sunday

In the last year Gush has repeatedly demonstrated her utter imbecility
and stubbornness and extremism in political matters. Against this I have
again and again emphasized that in the end I equate National Socialism
and Communism: both are materialistic and tyrannical, both disregard
and negate the freedom of the spirit and of the individual.

This is the characteristic fact of the year that has come to an end, that I
had to break with two close friends, with Thieme because he is National
Socialist, with Gusti Wieghardt because she became a Communist. With
that neither has joined a political party, rather their human dignity has
been forfeit.

Events of the year: the political calamity since January 30, which had an
increasingly serious effect on us personally.

46

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

Eva's very poor state of health and mind.

The desperate struggle for the house.

The disappearance of any possibility of publication.

The isolation.

In June I completed my "Image of France," which was no longer pub-
lished. Then a couple more reviews [...], no longer published; since July
reading on the eighteenth century. I no longer believe that my Eighteenth
Century will ever materialize. I no longer have the spirit to write some-
thing so big. My earlier books seem frivolous and superficial to me. Is it
the consequence of a temporary paralysis, or am I finally finished? I really
do not know.

Read aloud a great deal. Americans, Germans, recently also eighteenth
century.

Much thought of death and clinging to the most general questions.
Until now, Renan's "Tout est possible, meme dieu" seemed to me an ironic
witticism. I now take it literally and as my religiosity. What lack of rever-
ence, to believe and not to believe! Both are based on an impertinent trust
in the human capacity for understanding.

We shall be entirely alone this evening. I am a little afraid of that. Our
two little tomcats are always a comfort and support for us. I ask myself a
thousand times in all seriousness, what is the state of their immortal
souls?

The historical experience of this year is infinitely more bitter and des-
perate than that of the war. We have sunk deeper.

After Stefan Zweig's Marie Antoinette — careful notes made — I read
Diderot's La Religieuse aloud, then Goethe's Gross-Cophta. I constantly
have in mind that my Eighteenth Century should be universal, the whole
intellectual history of the age, nothing fragmentary, and should be my best
work— and in resignation I repeatedly say to myself: It will not happen at
all. (Vossler wrote airily to me, why do I not publish abroad, perhaps with
Heiss in Strasbourg? Why? Because then I would certainly lose my post
here. And anyway at the moment there is nothing to publish.)

Another greatest wish, and it will not be fulfilled either: the story of my
life.

And the most desperate wish of all: the house in Dolzschen. Now we
have let Pratorius place an advert for money. Only 6,000M and we will
build the "miniature house." But I have no confidence in anyone. — Nor
has Dember replied. But he will not want to give me any money; and if he
does, the blocked account will prevent him.

[...]

For one month, since the recurrence of Eva's foot ailment, I have been
overwhelmed by housekeeping, and managed almost no work of my
own. Reading aloud from my area of study is a small compensation.

1934

January 1, Monday evening

For Christmas we had mounted fir branches bought for 20 pfennigs on the
umbrella stand, together with little electric lights and colored baubles. A
proper tree, not so easily transported and dismantled, is inappropriate be-
cause of the cat tribe. We turned this little tree on at twelve o'clock yester-
day and drank a whisky. So it was a very quiet New Year's party. Before
that I had read aloud from the charming and light Sinclair Lewis. Today
again it was very quiet, and for most of the time I continued reading aloud
from our entertainment book. — Making notes in between. On the Gross-
Cophta," on Zweig's Mesmer. But depression and worry in spite of it all. In
addition to all the major misfortunes there is continually the minor and
yet very distressing and increasingly expensive Hueber case. On the third
there is yet another hearing, which could cost me dear.

January 9, Tuesday

Yesterday evening another meeting with Pratorius. After I don't know
how many hundred. [ . . . ] Dember's blocked account is now our last
hope. Everything has been arranged with Frau Dember, the money can
be made available for creating jobs— but it is questionable whether Dem-
ber will consent. Flis wife will be in Constantinople on the fifteenth and
will talk to him there. In the last few days she was here once more from
Berlin and visited us. Yesterday she passed through (Prague-Trieste),
and the dog — the sea route was chosen for his sake — was brought to the
train for her.

Another adjournment in the Hueber case. The judge has fallen ill for the
second time and the affair is now going to a third man. (Since October 32!)

Since a week ago and for a long time to come much time lost, torment
and expense because of dental treatment. I have unfortunately had to give
up old Petri, upright but Aryan, to support Israel: Dr. Isakowitz, father of
my student Lore Isakowitz, who is sometimes his assistant.

January 13, Saturday

On Wednesday, after an interval of almost a year, I was at a section meet-
ing for the first time again. The new constitution — the old senate, to which

50

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

I had pledged myself, the "self government," which was supposed to pre-
vent my "voluntary" retirement, no longer exist. Provisional reorganiza-
tion: The Ministry appoints the rector; he appoints the senate, which is
only there to advise him, and which includes two students and a repre-
sentative of the student SA office. The section only "advises" the section
chairman, who is appointed by the rector. In it, i.e., in the more "select"
section, as many non-professors as professors are represented. They are
appointed by the section chairman. More interesting than these provisions
were the manner and content of our deliberations. Place: the Law Depart-
ment, next door one can constantly hear talking, coming and going. We
whispered , and one participant warned the others to speak quietly. Beste,
the chairman, said, I have to appoint one of the main mudslingers , Scheffler
(political economist) or Fichtner (art historian), otherwise there will be at-
tacks from outside. Responses: Do you not know any decent, enthusiastic
National Socialists? Reply: No! Objection: Then we will not be able to talk
openly here at all anymore. Beste's reply: It isn't necessary; I will not dis-
cuss anything important here. After all, I do not have to convene the sec-
tion; I can nominate "committees" to advise me on anything and
everything. (An example in a small way, not even the very smallest, how
tyranny can be checked and undermined from the inside. Nevertheless
sad enough: No one dares to resist openly; each one is always an isolated
individual, who feels powerless.)

I have already often been struck by how the Encyclopedists' skills of
evasion are reviving again in the face of censorship. Their satire is reviv-
ing too. Conversations in heaven are popular. The best one: Hitler to
Moses: But you can tell me in confidence, Herr Moses. Is it not true that
you set the bush on fire yourself?" It was for such remarks that Dr.
Bergstrasser, an assistant in the mechanical engineering department — an
Aryan by the way — was sentenced to ten months in prison by the special
court.

[..•]

January 16, Tuesday

Georg wrote from St. Moritz. [ . . . ] Two of his sons already in Cambridge
and Chicago. Now he is resting with the other two in St. Moritz. They, the
doctor and the engineer, are going to the USA with their wives; they have
prospects and permission to immigrate, after five years they will auto-
matically become American citizens. So Georg firmly expects our situa-
tion to be permanent. For me — without the slightest notion of my
professional possibilities— he hopes I could perhaps obtain a professor-
ship in France! (Coals to Newcastle!) If I need money to readjust and to
wait for an opportunity, he will lend me a small amount at 4 percent. He
himself intends to install himself somewhere in southern Germany for the
summer. For all its caution and enforced calm the letter is very melancholy

JANUARY 1934

51

and somewhat pathetic. It is signed: "in fraternal devotion and in remem-
brance of our late father." I have not yet replied, because I do not like to
write abroad.

Housework for a very large part of the day. Wearisome preparation of
the Monday lecture. Next to no work at my desk, only the books read
aloud now and then fit in with my 18e siecle.

[...]

Now things are like this: Every day Eva is completely depressed for a
couple of hours, then I am for a couple of hours, and then for a couple of
hours we both are. Eva has not got out of the apartment for weeks— black
ice. Only Dolzschen could help her, but no possibility of building remains.
I myself wake up every day with the intention of working and with a nor-
mal, passable degree of vigor. Then comes the battle with the stoves, the
effort of shopping for the household, it is half past eleven before I sit down
at my desk [...]; but by this time I am already exhausted. A similar situ-
ation in the afternoon. My getting-out-of-the-house takes me as far as the
Reka; recently it has all too often taken me to the Neustadt to the dentist.
That came to an end today, thank God.

Since the quarrel with Gusti Wieghardt we are quite isolated. Now
Annemarie was here on Sunday afternoon after a gap of two months. As a
belated Christmas present she brought Joseph and His Brothers by Thomas
Mann. A new book by Thomas Mann— and I have not seen it announced
anywhere. The press is no longer allowed to write anything about this no-
torious liberalistic author ("liberalistic" is now almost a more favored
catchword than the already worn out "marxistic").

I am afraid after every lecture, every seminar exercise. If one of my half-
dozen would betray me after all. I never raise my arm when I enter; in the
seminar and in a couple of minutes of conversation afterward I easily let a
dangerous word slip out. [ . . . ]

January 27

Situation unchanged, impossible to do any of my own work. Eva's health
and the housekeeping prevent everything. At most an hour of reading or
notes once a day. At twelve noon the morning work is at an end and so is
my strength (the stoves, the "little boxes," breakfast). In the afternoon
washing up and reading aloud, in the evening reading aloud again, to bed
at one, happy if Eva is not prevented from sleeping by painful neuralgia.

Nothing from Constantinople. Our last hope, Dember's blocked ac-
count!

My belief in an alteration in the political situation is increasingly faint.
Today the peace agreement with Poland. If a Socialist or "liberalistic" gov-
ernment had done that! High treason, Jewish defeatism and the mind of
the shopkeeper! Now: "Adolf Hitler's magnificent new achievement." A
year ago they were saying: "The shame of the Corridor will be eliminated

52

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

in the summer." But instead the Stahlhelm has been finally eliminated
today. Decree to discard the field-gray uniform and put on "the honorable
brown one."

[...]

Note to Prof. Klemperer: "The Ministry has decided to cancel your ap-
pointment to the Examination Board . . . with immediate effect." The ef-
fect has been there since the spring. The question is, how much further
will it go?

Note from Teubner: Do I not want to look for another publisher abroad;
he cannot intercede for me any longer. [ . . . ]

Second letter from Georg. [ . . . ] In my reply to letter one [ . . . ] I wrote
that I was a German through and through and intended to remain in Ger-
many to the bitter end. — So now Georg writes from Freiburg, he has
rented an apartment there and (isolated and embittered) will move in on
April 1st.

[...]

We made a few purchases at Tietz. The big store is being wound up.
Powerful impression made by the bare walls— the shelves gone — the half-
empty tables, the people crowding through. A couple of months ago there
were big advertisements in all the Dresden newspapers. The management
of the store is overwhelmingly Aryan and it has raised Aryan capital; could
the people of Dresden please take that into consideration and not throw a
large number of employees out of work? Now it is being shut after all.

Yesterday afternoon in the cinema again for the first time in months:
harmless and amusing film operetta Victor and Victoria. [ . . . ] The content
quite unpretentiously amusing, the acting, the technical aspect quite out-
standing—two hours of the most enjoyable distraction. But afterward, of
course, we both felt great melancholy and bitterness. It used to be such a
matter of course for us to go to the cinema two and three times a week,
and how easy and fulfilled our life was! And now . . . We would have been
unable to imagine how one could live with even a quarter of the troubles
and miseries which constantly weigh upon us now.

Read aloud from Thomas Mann's Joseph. A quite brilliant achievement
and absolutely new. I must make careful notes at some point. Point of
view: from the Enlightenment until now, from Voltaire by way of Renan
and Flaubert and Anatole France;.! • • • ] Really something absolutely new
and very impressive (moreover less consoling and with less belief than
Voltaire, Renan, France). And there is nothing about this magnificent piece
of literature in any newspaper, the book is not displayed in any shop win-
dow. It bears the double curse of being by Mann and of dealing with Israel
(instead of some Nordic Easter hero).

[...]

For myself I am leafing through Laurence Sterne. How much inspira-
tion do I owe the old volume of essays by Frenzel, Renaissance und Rococo,
which Father bought in 1878 from Schaeffer's book circle in Landsberg an

FEBRUARY 1934

53

der Warthe. And I always look at the list of notables who were members of
the circle: parson, rabbi, officer, doctor, senior master . . . with emotion,
and for some time past with painful envy.

[...]

January 31, Wednesday

On Monday the class from six to eight canceled: "solemn hour" of the stu-
dent body on the anniversary of Hitler coming to power on January 30,
1933. On the very same day an announcement by Goering: He will dis-
solve the monarchist associations and proceed just as firmly against these
enemies of the state as against the Left. That raised our spirits just a little
bit yesterday. The government constantly destroys its enemies, constantly
emphasizes that there is no party in Germany anymore except for the
NSDAP, constantly achieves "decisive" victories. Just like Germany dur-
ing the World War. The suppression of the right-wing parties is incredibly
cynical, they have done nothing for Adolf Hitler's state, declares Goering
implacably. Without the German Nationals, however, the National Social-
ists would never have got their 51 percent, their chancellor, their power.
This terrible duplicity is no more than the German Nationals deserve —
and yet they are my hope.

February 2, Friday
[ • • • 1

January 30 brought "The Law of January 30." Unitary state — no "Lan-
der" anymore. Absolute centralization. That is what the "Jew" Preuss
strove for in the Weimar constitution and was nowhere near able to
achieve. I always saw it as something grand, as the great French example.
Now it has been decreed by a handful of brutal state robbers. The unani-
mous acceptance by the Reichstag (the 600 National Socialist deputies) is
a farce. [ . . . ] Has Germany really become so completely and fundamen-
tally different, has its soul changed so completely that this will endure? Or
is this merely temporary lethargy?

I have plowed my way right through three of the six volumes of the
very average " Lettres juwes." I can no longer summarize and write as I
could years ago — the strength of purpose is missing. I cling helplessly to
details. The way I work is more "scholarly," more "thorough," "deeper,"
more "mature" — certainly all of that; but I cannot reach a goal anymore,
real success is absent, I am older and have grown too old; I no longer be-
lieve my Eighteenth Century will ever materialize. Once I would have
read a dozen of these letters; now I shall go through the next three vol-
umes as well.

54

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

February 7, Wednesday

On Saturday we went for supper to the "respectable" Kohlers in Walther-
strasse. It does one good, that these completely "Aryan" people from quite
different circles of society — the son a probationary grammar school
teacher, the father a railway inspector — hold on to their vehement hatred
of the regime and to their belief that it must fall in the foreseeable future.

On Sunday we were at the Blumenfelds for evening coffee (as the only
guests). Here also (fluctuating moods!) they were no longer quite so con-
vinced of the everlasting durability of the present state of things. Because
there is a grinding of teeth throughout so many strata, professions, con-
fessions. — But inwardly I am disheartened again and again. And my
strength, all my physical and mental strength is increasingly exhausted.
My work is completely at a standstill; simply preparing the Monday lec-
ture in time is a martyrdom. So I welcome the fact that the semester is al-
ready ending on the twenty-fourth of the month. Admittedly it is ending
because the students have to report for labor service, because, in fact, the
regime sees education, scholarship, enlightenment as its real enemies and
attacks them accordingly. [ . . . ]

February 15, Thursday, toward evening

At the moment Eva's health and mood are a little better, and that means a
little light and a sigh of relief for me. — But the pressure of worries is undi-
minished. No prospect of making any progress in Dolzschen. The Dembers,
whose blocked account was my last hope of money, are completely silent.
The pressure of the Hueber case is also undiminished. A new expert opinion
for 100M — for the time being Hueber has to pay it, but in the end the verdict
will, at the very least, be partly against me and I shall lose hundreds.
Nowhere any promise of an alteration of the political situation — on the con-
trary: The heavy fighting in Austria means that the Hitlerreich appears
wrapped in the glory of peace and order, and when Dollfuss and the Social
Democrats have bled one another to death. Hitler will be the heir. [ . . . ]

But I grasp at every little piece of comfort. That Eva is brighter again,
that she gets out of the house just a little bit, recently to Dolzschen to cut
trees, yesterday evening accompanies Annemarie to the station and then
looks in a couple of shop windows, today into town to buy a large quan-
tity of wool, that she finds pleasure in knitting, that she is pluckily bracing
herself to advance the ill-fated construction of our house step by step — all
of that is a comfort to me. And then: I read aloud for hour after hour, often
late into the night. And then: One takes delight in the two little tomcats
and in a camellia coming into flower and in the mildness of the weather
and the approaching end of winter. And then: The hope that this state of
boundless tyranny and lies must yet collapse at some time, never com-
pletely disappears.

FEBRUARY 1934

55

Today was the first session of the whole faculty under "Fuhrer" Beste.
Raised right hands, a student representative. Assistant Professor Scheffler in
SA uniform. Assistant Professor Fichtner with the party badge — and every-
thing mere formality and show. But this arm raising makes me literally feel
sick, and the fact that I always dodge it will cost me my neck one day. [ . . . ]
I now borrow books from two lending libraries. Lending libraries
(without deposit) have shot up like mushrooms in the last one or two
years. In my youth there were a few lending libraries, then the institution
virtually disappeared completely, survived only in watering places — and
now the lending libraries are everywhere, even in the poorest districts of
the city, as abundant as chocolate shops, as abundant as the little pubs
once were. And yet there has never been such hostility to the spirit in Ger-
many as today.

February 16, Friday evening

Now a new ordinance has come out after all, according to which dons are
allowed to lecture after February 24, if the majority of their students do
not have to do Labor Service. So I shall lecture until the end of the month.

Outside lecturers and the students now sit on the faculty; in her med-
ical journal, Annemarie showed me fierce attacks on the professors of
medicine and in favor of the non-professors and lay healers. [ . . . ] It is all
based on the same system: They look for support from those who until
now felt themselves neglected, on those (really or seemingly) " without
rights," on the hungry, on the mass of little people. In the past the word
was: against the eggheads or against the capitalists! Now, much more ap-
pealingly, against the Jews!

Reply from Teubner to my letter. [ . . . ] Teubner points to "imponder-
ables" and declines to answer my questions. The best thing for me is to
write my book directly in French; he has also published Wartburg's lan-
guage history directly in French!— I shall overcome my present depres-
sion. I shall write this book and shall write it in German, just as I think and
feel it in German. [ . . . ] As I am writing there is constant singing and
marching and music making outside. Buildup for the torchlight march in
front of Reich Governor Mutschmann. Big advertisement in the news-
paper: "German men and women! March with us! Every national com-
rade must be there." Etc., etc.

[...]

February 21, Wednesday morning

On Saturday (seventeenth), after a considerable interval, we had guests for
the evening: the four "respectable" Kohlers, the Kuhns and a brother of the
wife, a thirty-year-old farmer without a situation, congenial, simple and

56

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

engaging, good-looking, dark-eyed man with a prominent scar by his right
eye (did not go to university, so from an accident). Kuhn continues to pre-
dict the regime's durability. It may change, but remain. One also has to
hope for it, otherwise there will be chaos. He compared it to the Jacobins,
the rule of "the little people." He said, in a hundred years, when all the
"mendacities" and minor abuses were forgotten, this revolution might per-
haps be called "typically German," because in comparison to the French
and Russian it is "so bloodless." That depressed me greatly, because Kuhn
after all is both an altogether unsullied character, with a feeling for legality,
and a serious historian. His brother-in-law, Komer, evidently a supporter
of the German Nationals, talked very interestingly about the countryside.
Until a few weeks ago he was an agricultural inspector in Mecklenburg.
The government demands and enforces very precisely specified deliveries
for Winter Aid: so many hundredweight of potatoes of a specified size and
quality, so many hundredweight of wheat of a fixed specific weight. This
was absolutely the Moscow Communist system. It broke up the big estates,
created peasant holdings. But in the long term it was only the big estates
that fed the towns, and this is also the mistake of the present regime, be-
cause of which it must one day collapse. (Likewise, a few days before
Annemarie related that in the factories the trade union, under another
name, was now more mighty, the boss weaker than under "Marxist" rule.)
— The impression is growing that the government is sliding ever more
toward Communism. Kuhn says, in one of his last speeches Goebbels, in
scarcely disguised language, pointed to the danger that threatens every
revolution if its radical wing is too powerful. And that is exactly why he,
Kuhn, thinks one virtually has to hope that the present regime maintains it-
self; for it can only succumb to its Communist wing. Komer, in turn, em-
phasized the change that had taken place in the SA. Initially an elite
force — now a huge army of the most diverse, unreliable elements. He also
talked about the unconcealed hostility between SA and Stahlhelm.

Johannes Kohler complained about the pressure on his conscience
which, as a teacher of history and religion, he could not bear for much
longer. He is already flirting with a new course of study: medicine; it
would be his third, because before humanities he studied business man-
agement. (At school he had to collect signatures for the purchase of a
"Luther Rose" with the legend "With Luther and Hitler.") [ . . . ]

Vossler, to whom I sent Teubner's letters, replied cluelessly and su-
perficially. He knows that Athenaion took the new Italy chapter away
from me, but he now advises me to offer my literary history to
Athenaion. He also intends "to talk to Hueber." Is he so unaware or so
uninterested? Probably the latter. Because a few weeks ago he advised
me to publish abroad, and now he advises me to try in Germany first
"with less timid publishers." — Today I wrote to Teubner that I am stick-
ing to my contract. [ . . . ]

This evening at Frau Schaps. — Weather worse, atmosphere gloomy.
Both Eva's and my nerves have gone to the dogs. Eyes badly inflamed. —

MARCH 1934

57

Reading all the time: Dreiser's The Titan. Notes on Mme. Tencin's Memories
du comte de Comminges.

February 24, Saturday

[...]

Frau Schaps read out letters from Haifa. Much distress beneath plucky
humor. Difficult and absurd learning of Hebrew — only the child at school
learns quickly [...]. Tiny apartment (three rooms), furniture ruined by
water; Jule Sebba gives cello lessons for a few pounds and takes part in
conservatory concerts (program in English and Hebrew, but completely
European music, Beethoven, Brahms, Tchaikovsky); his original business
plan appears to have got nowhere, a new one not yet found, and the man
is almost as old as I am; they are excessively grateful for 200M that Frau
Schaps sent. — Nevertheless there must be some money there; some he
managed to get over to Palestine, his mother-in-law has a lot, his brother-
in-law Gerstle a great deal more. — Before the end of the month Frau
Schaps herself will travel to Haifa for a couple of weeks. A capitalist mat-
ter: The English government does not allow any tourists into the country
(because tourists have often turned into immigrants) who cannot show
that they have 15,000M. I then asked her, since she had just come from
Berlin and was relating how the very young Jewish generation had left the
country, what people there in her circle thought about the situation.
Prompt reply: They believe the worst is over; if there are agreements on
tariffs, things will improve again. That means: These people are happy if
they can look forward to consolidation of the Hitler regime and an end to
the foreign boycott. They may be forced back into the ghetto, may be
kicked and humiliated, their children may have lost their homeland — but
as long as they can do business again, "the worst is over." It is so infinitely
shameless and dishonorable that one could almost sympathize with the
National Socialists. Afterward Eva said that some people let themselves be
hit in the face with toilet brushes without taking offense. To me it seems
like atavism, a return to the medieval ghetto. Frau Schaps was quite un-
aware of the disgracefulness of what she was reporting. She has a very
cool nature, hence her unbroken vitality. The trip to Palestine: a beautiful
new journey and emotion. [ . . . ]

March 2, Friday evening

I wound up this bad semester on Wednesday. I took the penultimate
Corneille class with the "Jewish quota," that is, little Isakowitz, and the
last one with her and a young man, who will now take his state examina-
tion with Wengler. Things did not look much different in the Monday class
and even in the Monday lecture, four to five, nine to ten people. That re-

58

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

peatedly tempted me into subjective digressions, intimacies, unguarded
remarks, but had its attractions. To some extent I was addressing people of
like mind, I always had the feeling I was, as it were, inoculating a couple
of the younger ones or turning them into carriers of infection. I never
raised my arm. — How long shall I be forced to continue this game, how
long be able to continue it?

Last Sunday a now almost customary evening at the Blumenfelds. We
encouraged one another to show spirit, stoicism and skepticism; we heard
beautiful Schubert gramophone records; things even got to the point that
Eva played Schubert. Meanwhile Blumenfeld has been halfway brought
down. As a teacher at the Pedagogical Institute he has "been pensioned
off." That means he loses money but not the right to teach at academic in-
stitutions. It is ever more evident that the Ped. Inst, is soon likely to be
completely separated from the University. Then para. 6 (reduced because
surplus to requirements) can also be applied to me.

On Wednesday evening Kurt Rosenberg and his wife, the doctor, were
our guests; Kaufmann's Hamburg relations, to whose marriage we our-
selves lent a helping hand (and now their oldest is already over five!).
Rosenberg has lost his job as a lawyer, but has earned so much he can sit
back and watch for a couple of years. He now thinks that by buying out
another lawyer, who wants to go abroad, he can obtain a new license to
practice. With the Rosenbergs too there was endless conversation about
the duration of the present regime. Rosenberg, who has an understanding
of the agricultural situation, does not believe in the financial stability of
the system; but he doubts whether political collapse will necessarily fol-
low a financial one.

Blumenfelds had told me that the banker Mattersdorf would advise me
in the building matter. Mattersdorf heard the story with a stupid indiffer-
ence, was quite curt and almost impolite; a wooden house seemed to him
something like a dog kennel. But I made the acquaintance of his partner.
Councillor of Commerce Meyerhof; it turned out that he is related to my
Meyerhof, he said that Leonie Meyerhof-Hildeck had died in August, we
talked family and he became friendly. Result: He is going to see whether
he cannot get hold of a private financial backer for me, and will let me
know by phone. I am without hope and yet cling to any hope. Pratorius is
optimistic once again, some bank in Hamburg is going to provide the
mortgage.

The weather is becoming more springlike, and Eva has already been up
twice in recent days. Two wagonloads of manure were delivered today.
All the taxi drivers already know us, and a couple of times I've been told,
"I drove you when your house wasn't finished yet." Then I always have to
say shamefacedly, "It is not finished yet even now"; and privately I think,
it's never going to be finished. Eva is bolder now and at the moment even
her nerves are probably in a better state than mine. [ . . . ] Teubner has con-
cluded our exchange of letters for the time being, with nothing resolved:
We have to await developments.

MARCH 1934

59

Days that follow bank appointments (today after the Mattersdorf busi-
ness) are always especially painful for me. I feel so humiliated and help-
less. All the others around me have financial reserves: Blumenfeld,
Rosenberg, Dember, Edgar Kaufmann, who is fiddling a sickness insur-
ance in Palestine, Sebba, old Kaufmann— "Hammerschuh, German-
Christian Enterprise" I read every day in Prager Strasse, and the
Kaufmanns live off Hammerschuh, the old ones here and the young ones
in Palestine, and I, "well-known" professor of Romance Languages, etc.,
etc., I cannot escape my troubles and will be completely destroyed if the
government dismisses me.

I told Commercial Councillor Meyerhof how in 1897 Leonie Hildeck
used Hans Meyerhof and myself as guinea pigs for lectures on Ibsen and
how I stayed away because I was taking cycling lessons. The last time I
heard from Leonie Hildeck was when she wrote to us a year or two ago,
asking us to look after a young sculptor. At the time I declined because we
were quite isolated and without social contacts . . . She apparently had an
honorable (editorial) obituary in the Frankfurter Zeitung. Nevertheless she
is completely forgotten. So, after all, is her more famous friend Anselma
Heine. — I am now constantly haunted by the idea of the "History of My
Life." That makes three ideas: the house, the Eighteenth Century, the auto-
biography. And behind all three so often now — Nevermore.

March 13, Tuesday evening

After several more passable weeks a very bad state of affairs again. Eva is
faced with protracted dental treatment. Immediately the problems with
walking start again, immediately the outbreaks of despair again. On top of
that the treatment will cost a few 100M, which of course will again be de-
ducted from the savings for the house and get me even tighter by the
throat than is the case anyway.

March 19

Eva's condition has improved a little. The thoroughgoing treatment of her
teeth was postponed for a couple of months after the most urgent repairs
had been taken in hand and with the onset of spring she has been able to
take up her gardening in Dolzschen. Naturally this gardening costs a great
deal of money: trips by taxi, a laborer employed for days at a time, at 70
pfennigs an hour, orders from Hauber, manure, tools . . . Again and again
there are moments at which I am almost suffocated by money worries; but
partly through apathy, partly through discipline, I have reached a point at
which, in principle, I do not make arrangements for more than a day
ahead or at most a month. I force myself not to think about a bill that must

60

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

be paid in the coming month. Perhaps I shall manage it after all, perhaps
there'll be a miracle, perhaps the bailiffs will be put on to me — but not till
the month after next. If until then Eva has a few less fits of hysterics, if
until then my heart lets me down a few times less, then something is
gained too. At any rate the dull pressure weighs on me constantly.

Likewise, closely connected with the worry about money, my attitude
to the worry about my post. The new semester does not begin until May 7;
until then there is relative security. Then perhaps I'll have no more stu-
dents and be discharged like Blumenfeld. There has already been talk of
pensioning off the whole Humanities Section. But why worry about what
happens after May 7? Is it so certain that we shall still have the same gov-
ernment on May 7? The comparison with the Jacobins is popular just now.
Why should the German Jacobins last longer than the French ones?

So I live from day to day under a dull pressure. The studies on the Eigh-
teenth Century inch forward; occasionally I see something of it clearly be-
fore me; for seconds at a time I believe that the book will be written, and it
will even be my best book; but mostly I feel as if I shall never get back to
writing at all. Besides, the housekeeping (heating, making breakfast, etc.,
the cats), Dolzschen, the dentist, to whom I accompanied Eva, all the read-
ing aloud took up an unbelievable amount of time; if I manage one or two
hours on the 18e every day, it's a lot. [ . . . ]

The same thing when it comes to health. Repeated heart problems.
Tiredness to the point that I fall asleep at my desk, pains in my throat
every time I do physical work, sore eyes and blurred sight but also hours
of normal life. Sometimes I think: just another three or four years; some-
times: perhaps even twenty. [ . . . ]

We were at the Blumenfelds twice recently, the second time with Frau
Schaps, who is going to Haifa to visit in the next few days. Once with
Annemarie in Heidenau. Once — an excursion — to Hauber's market gar-
den. Everywhere we listened for — eavesdropped in fact! very intently —
symptoms of the political future. Recently there seem to have been more
signs again that point to an end within the foreseeable future. National So-
cialism has now become completely or almost completely identical with
Bolshevism; that is obvious to many who only a short time ago regarded
it as a "bulwark against Bolshevism" and as a "lesser evil."

In Breslau there is a student of Neubert, a certain Kurt Jakel, more per-
severing than original, but a competent and hardworking fellow. He has al-
ready got several volumes on Wagner in France and on Proust behind him;
he sends me everything. Recently I wrote to thank him for something and
asked him: Have you already qualified yourself as a university lecturer or
when will you do so? In reply came a letter: He is no longer allowed to
qualify himself, he is also losing his post as an assistant because his wife is
non- Aryan, daughter of the dermatologist Jadassohn. He would like to go
abroad, but has a one-and-a-half-year-old child. — The usual fate now.

Our petit bourgeois neighbors in Dolzschen "give shape" to their gar-
dens as we do. Terraces and rock gardens (a big fashion!) are being laid

MARCH 1934

61

out. Is there not a new classic horticulture in the making? Not a return to
the seventeenth century, but perhaps even further back. Eva says, a "more
formal garden design, more architectural than before." Is there not a re-
vival of something like the pattern-card of diverse landscapes and archi-
tectural styles en miniature, which characterized the French garden in the
eighteenth century before and side by side with the jardin anglais?

My 18e follows me in everything I do, see and read. Above all I am con-
stantly occupied by the question of intellectual imagination, the fertiliza-
tion of imagination and religion by reason and learning. There are X
analogies with the eighteenth century throughout contemporary life. I
should like to write an introductory study like a fugue about this whole
relationship: the fairy tale in the eighteenth century. If I ever write it, it will
be my masterpiece. If. . .

[...]

March 25, Sunday

Total exhaustion; repeatedly fall asleep at my desk. Most recently worked
through Folkierski, Entre le classicisme et le romantisme; began Cassirer, Phi-
losophy of the Enlightenment. I find my task gets ever more confusing, my
belief that the book will be realized dwindles from day to day.

On Thursday we had Grete here for the afternoon and evening. Very
amicable without the ill feeling of last year. The universal adversity has
swept away a lot. Grete was on her way to Pressburg. Her cousin Bunzl
(the love of her youth) has invited her; and since Vienna is closed to us, he
is putting her up in Czech Pressburg and visiting her there. Grete spent
the night in a hotel. She told us that Sussmann's eldest brother had taken
his life a few weeks ago: Veronal in a hotel room; Martin and Wally were
called by the police to identify the corpse. Arthur Sussmann was a good-
natured human being, an optimist, dreamer and speculator. He let his
brother study, often treated him condescendingly. In 1913 he visited us in
Munich with Marta and Wally en route from Venice; they were his guests.
I still have a postcard of all three, feeding pigeons on St. Mark's Square. I
can see "Uncle Arthur's" soft, long, untidy drooping mustache. During
the war he established some kind of big factory; I came from Leipzig to
give the employees a couple of lectures, which were very well paid. Later
things sometimes went badly for the man, sometimes very well. In his
imagination he was always on top, always wanted to help the rest of his
family. At the end, well into his sixties, he is supposed to have been plan-
ning a wealthy marriage. Now the breakdown. (Where do people find the
courage for suicide?) Sussmanns are supposed to have lost money as a re-
sult (happy the man who still has money to lose).

[••I

In the last few days Eva has been in Dolzschen a lot again; the garden-
ing has been keeping her busy. The bricks for the construction of the won-

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derful cellar have also been delivered. I do not know how much longer I
can still find the money for all of it. If in the next few weeks, as has to be
assumed, the Hueber case is decided against me, then I can only pawn the
harmonium or the library or something. I do not want to think more than
a day ahead; but the dreadful, wretched weight on my soul is there every
morning. And my situation worsens every day.

Today in Dresden the big "Rally of the Saxon SA," 125,000 men will pa-
rade in front of the governor. Crowds, flags, garlands, pomp and an un-
paralleled display of power.

Para 6 of the Civil Service Law, by which any civil servant who is su-
perfluous to requirements can be retired, has been extended for a further
six months. It will be my turn in the summer.

April 1, Easter Sunday

A week ago today we were at the "respectable" Kohlers. We were sup-
posed to celebrate their wedding day on the Saturday and were somewhat
mysteriously put off. It turned out that they had not wanted to inflict
"that" on us. "That" — I would in fact have liked to see it — was the arrival
of the SA. The inspector had had to receive 95 trains (special trains in ad-
dition to normal traffic) at his little Friedrichstadt station. He says he had
witnessed the mobilization in 1914 as a railway man; this had been a sim-
ilar feat and a greater one (because then passenger traffic had been
stopped, but this time was carried on simultaneously). So a practice mobi-
lization, and the foreign powers must know that just as well as we do and
even better. In the most diverse circles war is now thought to be possible,
indeed almost probable.

[..]

Commercial Councillor Meyerhof of the Mattersdorf Bank recom-
mended Tanneberg, a "business adviser," to me in the building matter. I
took the ever older-looking Pratorius with me as well. Tanneberg gave me
a few, not many grounds for hope; he appears to be a prudent and ener-
getic man. To my question as to a loan (not a mortgage): "On what? — If the
government wants to put in a young man tomorrow, you'll be sacked.
Para 6 has been extended."

April 5, Thursday

On the evening of Easter Monday Annemarie Kohler was here with her
mother. Always the same conversations, the same mood. — On Tuesday
on her return journey from Pressburg: Grete, who then continued her jour-
ney on Wednesday. At the station I packed her, a little forcefully, into a taxi
and drove her up to Dolzschen, where Eva was gardening furiously to-

APRIL 1934

63

gether with the worker and our cleaner's little Annelies. The worker had
brought her two little pine trees as an Easter present and planted them.
"Pinched for you, miss," says the boy in the Berlin primary school. The
man had started out on his bicycle at four o'clock in the morning and cy-
cled as far as Prussian woodland.

Blumenfeld — we were there for a coffee evening — gave me the type-
script of his lecture "Religion and Philosophy." In two days I composed a
twelve-point critical review in which, apart from Blumenfeld and Cassirer,
Klemperer also gets a word in. It was my first productive work for ages
(truly!) and this page will certainly be of central importance to my Eigh-
teenth Century. Then Blumenfeld was here, we had a discussion, and now
he has sent me his rejoinder or elaboration. The Blumenfelds are now trav-
eling to Italy for three weeks (despite or because of his being pensioned
off). [ ... ]

It was both shocking and characteristic to see in Grete the extent to
which everything German has fallen away from her and how she can
only, and wants only, to look at the whole situation from a Jewish stand-
point. " You may persuade yourself that you are German — I can no longer
do so." Then the horrible ghetto oppressiveness. She relates with shining
eyes as if it were something altogether special, that in Pressburg the Jews
move around freely, that in the personal announcements in the newspa-
pers there are names like Cohn and Levi next to aristocratic and Slav
names, that a talk by the chief rabbi is reported respectfully, etc., etc. She
is in addition all too impressed by the enforced rejoicing at government
festivities in Berlin and is convinced of the unlimited duration of present
conditions. All in all therefore: She has become un-German, inwardly de-
graded and quite resigned. That no doubt is how things stand with very
many Jews.

[...]

April 24, Tuesday

[...]

I read aloud a great deal. And sit for hours at my Eighteenth Century,
while Eva gardens in Dolzschen. There are all too many worries weighing
upon me — and always the same ones — for me to make progress. I want
now to wring a special study of Delille's Gardens out of myself. But always
this paralyzing question: What for? For the drawer of the desk! And al-
ways the terrible, increasing money difficulties. The Hueber case is about
to be wound up now. Two pointless expert opinions have stymied me. I
sued for 600M; it is very possible that I lose that amount. Where to get it
from? And where to find the money for the next life insurance payment?
Everything is put into the trips by taxi to and from Dolzschen (an attempt
to go on foot ended in a great many tears, fainting attack, pain, sleepless
night) and into laying out the garden. The bit of cellar is now built and

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

stands there rough and unfinished; any hope of getting building money
seems to be written off. A wooden house, a flat roof, are unacceptable and
a civil service post is no longer regarded as secure. — The anxieties are al-
ways the same: money, the house, Eva's health, the political situation
weighs down on us — and nowhere is there a way out. Eva is now often —
not always — more hopeful than I am. She believes that she and I still have
many years before us; I myself believe I have only a few years before me.
[...]

Rector Neumann, to whom I had recommended Johannes Kohler with
such success, died unexpectedly, only 65 years old, a few months before
his retirement.

On Saturday we had the Wenglers, brother and sister, here. Wengler is
now examining the primary school teachers in my place. Yet Wengler in-
clines very strongly toward Communism. I learned for the first time that
Wengler 's mother was English, that in the parental home he spoke English
more than German. I want to know, of everyone who comes from a differ-
ent circle, what he thinks about the permanence of the present state of af-
fairs. The Wenglers do not believe it is stable.

[...]

May 7, Monday

My third semester begins today. Very possible that it will also be my last.
Because, as admission to the PI is blocked — where are the students to
come from?

May 13, Sunday

On Monday no one at the general lecture and the seminar. A crushing ex-
perience. With a pension of perhaps 300 or 400M, as things stand, I would
be facing disaster. In the evening I telephoned Beste, the section chairman,
to notify him officially. He consoled me: general state of affairs in the uni-
versity! He himself, a political economist, last semester still in front of
eighty students, usually in front of one hundred and fifty, had six. Rea-
sons: (a) The students were only just returning from Labor Service, not all
were present yet, (b) university study in general was being throttled. —
On Wednesday (French verse theory, one hour) I had two female students.
(Blumenfeld, usually overflowing with students, has four students for the
psychology lecture, one for the industrial psychology class.) Now I shall
wait and see whether my seminar will materialize tomorrow. After that
there will be another two weeks holiday. The Whitsun holidays have been
extended from one to two weeks. The students are no doubt required for
the new "Campaign against Fault Finders and Grumblers," and they do
not want anyone to study; intellect, scholarship are the enemies.

MAY 1934

65

This "campaign" was inaugurated by Goebbels on Friday. Speech in
the Berlin Sportpalast. Gross rabble-rousing and a "last warning to the
Jews." Flagrant threat of a pogrom if the foreign boycott does not cease.
Promise not to harm them "if they remain quietly in their homes" and do
not claim to be of "full or equal value." Europe 1934, Germany! — There is
desperation behind the whole speech, a last attempt at diversion. Work on
the housing projects and the Reich highways is apparently faltering al-
ready. In the same speech, addressed to foreign listeners: We cannot pay
our debts, we made no agreements, our predecessors did. . . . The whole
system is on its last legs. Who will survive the collapse, and what will hap-
pen then?

We hear more and more, especially from the "little people," on whom
they rely — our petit bourgeois neighbors in Dolzschen, Kuske our shop-
keeper, etc., etc. — how greatly dissatisfaction is growing. The government
is increasingly drifting toward Bolshevism.

On April 25 (after an interval of years) Spamer was our guest. The so-
ciable folklore man from Frankfurt, with his interest in primitive ways of
thinking. He had been to see his publisher in Berlin. He said: In Berlin
everyone was expecting an imminent collapse. Not I. The masses let them-
selves be talked into believing everything. If for three months all the news-
papers are forced to write that there was no World War, then the masses
will believe that it really did not happen. That has been my opinion for a
long time. (Word for word!) Perhaps Spamer judges things too much from
the perspective of his profession. A couple of years ago Eva once had to
have a light ether anesthetic. The anesthetist tied her hands very loosely to
the arms of the chair, he reassured her (now just start counting, nice and
calm, nice and calm! and so on) as if he were talking to a child. Afterward
she discovered that the man was a pediatrician. Everyone judges things
from the perspective of his profession. Spamer is like that pediatrician,
since he is constantly dealing with the childish side of national psychol-
ogy. It is no doubt present everywhere, even among the educated. But
surely not alone and not, at least not always , dominant. [ . . . ]

Constantly working on Delille. The study is turning out very well, the
work of an old man, microscopic, enriched by much experience and yet
squeezed past the all-embracing (the history of the whole eighteenth cen-
tury). It is taking up a disproportionate amount of my time.

Every morning as I'm shaving the nightmare of the Hueber case weighs
me down. Two crazy opinions against me, prospect of having to pay 600M
or more, and no idea where to get this money from. Today a long, long
brief arrived, in which Langenhan really did no more than make a copy
(word for word) of my letter. Final appeal to the court. [ . . . ] The verdict
appears to be imminent now.

Despite the considerable heat Eva is in Dolzschen at least every second
day. I fetch her, I also spend one or two hours helping her. The garden is
splendid now, the cellar finished. But no possibility of further building
work and ever-increasing costs. The taxi costs 5.50M each time. If we try to

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

walk a part of the way, then pain and a serious attack of nerves are the un-
failing consequence.

Karl Wieghardt — I met him in the street [ . . . ] — told me that on May 1
thirty students (and the charwomen) had participated in the festive pro-
cession of university members that had been ordered. Recently there had
also been open opposition at a student meeting, when a camp in Scheller-
hau had been ordered for the Whitsun holidays (to "encourage commu-
nity feeling"). They wanted to have time to get down to work; the
marches, etc. left one no time for studying. So here too a gradual awaken-
ing. But for the moment the phrase, the National Socialists are certain of
the "youth" of Germany, reigns supreme.

[...]

As to my own memories: I see myself as a sixth former mounting the
stairs to the classroom with Grimm, my fellow pupil. I want to affirm
something, I no longer know what, and as I am saying that it is truly a
matter of the heart for me, I strike my chest with my fist. Yet I have such a
lively sense of shame, this gesture does not suit me at all and is false, that
I still feel it today. It is the feeling of shame that holds me back from every
theatrical expression, every rhetorical gesture on my own behalf. Which
also makes weeping impossible for me. It is always embarrassing for me
in the highest degree, if in the cinema or while lecturing or struck by some
thought I feel tears rising. Which lately, given my shattered nerves, is all
too often the case.

[...]

On April 27 I went with Eva to see "trustee" Tanneberg, whom Com-
mercial Councillor Meyerhof had recommended to me. Tanneberg has not
yet given up hope of procuring building money for us. But he does not
seem to have any success either. Inspiring confidence, the man told us he
was a front-line officer, a former member of Stahlhelm and joined the
NSDAP before the "seizure of power," and still belongs to the Party. But
all around he sees mismanagement, ill-feeling, catastrophe can no longer
be far away. He condemned the lack of proportion of the anti-Semitism, he
maintained that only the subordinate leaders were still using it for incite-
ment, at the top they were already trying to calm things down. [ . . . ]

Our latest achievements on the Kirschberg: the planting of the yew tree
(seven hundredweight!), which I gave Eva for Christmas, and the acquisi-
tion of a 22-yard garden hose. It was already much needed because of the
constant heat and drought. One day recently I hauled over a hundred
buckets of water.

May 27, Sunday

On the sixteenth we planted and worked together in our Dolzschen gar-
den. Melancholy pleasure. The Schemers are coming for one and a half
days over Whitsun.

JUNE 1934

67

June 13, Wednesday

All of my fairly meager free time— housekeeping! Dolzschen!— has gone
into the Delille study. Begun mid- April, expanded constantly, completed
at last on June 10, aside from reading through the very closely written
manuscript. An excellent work— to be published when and where? I
asked Wengler, if the worst comes to the worst, to look after my literary re-
mains. Wengler has played a significant role in our life since a couple of
days ago. His mother was English, he has assets in England. A law pre-
scribes that he must realize them and transfer them to Germany. Afraid of
inflation, he is looking to invest it securely. It is possible that he will give
us a loan. I no longer have any real hope, we have been disappointed so
often. Meanwhile Eva continues gardening fanatically, on average every
second day. Taxi rides now take up around 110M of our monthly budget. I
usually fetch Eva toward evening; I walk up through the park, after I have
ordered the cab at Chemnitzer Platz. All the drivers already know us. I
myself have been up there repeatedly for several hours at a rime, to do wa-
tering, carry water, etc. (For three months there has been a hardly inter-
rupted drought; the harvest is already said to have been badly affected. —
We see everything from the point of view and heart's desire of Hitler's
downfall. And so this too is not unwelcome to us, although the garden is
dying of thirst. Besides watering is still allowed in Dolzschen, whereas
there is already a ban in many places.)

[...]

At classes: Art poetique — Fraulein Heyne and (sometimes) Fraulein
Kaltofen, prosody — both girls, principal lecture, classicism — the two of
them and Herr Heintzsch. He is an SA man and says plaintively, "I am not a
soldier." I cautiously-incautiously talk politics with the girls at the begin-
ning and end of classes. Both strongly anti-Narional Socialist, both op-
pressed by the feeling of tyranny. Especially Heyne, a Catholic, who wrote
me a fine letter in spring from her work camp. She said to me recently, "A
kind of catechism was read out to us. 'I believe in the leader Adolf Hitler ... I
believe in Germany's mission . . .' Surely no Catholic can say that."

I have a great deal to make up; all the important things turn on the one
thing that is suffocating us. But everywhere, or almost everywhere, there
is nevertheless a shimmer of hope. It cannot last much longer.

The Schemers, fat, hearty, childish, greedy as ever. Yet their fortunes in
a poor state, hating the small town and their enslavement to the phar-
macy. He is disparaged as a "Jew." They came here at lunchtime on Whit-
sunday, directly from high mass in the Hofkirche. His first words, before
any greeting, downstairs at the gate, beaming: " That will not perish, that
will win, they cannot destroy thatl Such a throng of people, such devotion,
such splendor! The church, the city center, Victor! . . And Schemer ran
away from the seminary!

He told us: In Falkenstein one is not allowed to buy from the "Jew." And
so the people in Falkenstein travel to the Jew in Auerbach. And the Auer-

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

bachers in turn buy from the Falkenstein Jew. However, on bigger shop-
ping expeditions the people from the one-horse towns travel to Plauen,
where there's a larger Jewish department store. If you run into someone
from the same town, no one has seen anyone else. Tacit convention.

Letter from Lotte Sussmann in Berne, where she is taking the oral ex-
amination for her doctorate. The style of the Encyclopedia, the game of
hide-and-seek with the censors in full bloom. "I am so optimistic ... I
would like you to share a little in it ... I am really not a Coueist " Em-

bittered lines from Georg in Freiburg: He cannot agree at all with my opin-
ion (profession of Germanness, "Germany is in my camp!, definite hope
of a speedy end). In the summer he and his wife want to visit his son in En-
gland, then his children in the USA. Felix's youngest, a doctor, has now
also gone to the USA. "We want to set up a Klemperer colony there."

The Jelskis here on their way to Bohemia. Trying, distressing, but in
many ways interesting hours. He, 67 now, has retired and is taking a cure
in Johannisbad. I had an impression of considerable senility. Out of a cer-
tain contrariness and a childish pleasure in dispassionate objectivity, he
sympathizes somewhat with Hitler. After all he has achieved a great deal
for the nation as a whole, he is a "demon" — of course, the racial ideology
is wrong, but the Jews are not blameless. Marta for her part almost wild
with hate. Wallowing in fantasies: they should be hanging on gallows, and
we should march past and strike them as they hang there. I cannot help
myself, she is hysterical, but on this point she is far from wrong. — Their
house was searched once, her youngest, Willy, early twenties, is close to
the Communists. She is traveling to Prague, to find out if there is any
chance of a post for him and any possibility of studying political economy.
Her old friend there is supposed to help her. They have repeatedly had the
most dreadful quarrels about money matters, but the friendship always
begins again — oh happy rabble! Freudenheim-Bloch, the dentist, already
charged Eva quite shameless prices in 1904. Bloch is a self-sacrificing
woman and is nursing her husband, the "Marxist" author (Revisionist),
who fled to Prague. She gave up her practice, established a new one in
Prague, cares for him. — Walter's fate in Palestine seems to take an almost
comical shape. Through Edgar Kaufmann's good offices he got an insur-
ance job in Jerusalem. But only provisionally, since immigrants who are
not farmers or artisans must demonstrate that they have assets (about
10,000M). He has for some time had a romance with a very Aryan young
lady, a Baltic German, related on her mother's side to Count Zeppelin; she
is a secretary in Switzerland. (Some time ago we received a postcard from
the pair of them on a trip to the south of France.) Now she has come into a
fortune and bought herself a Hebrew grammar. They want to marry and
share their goods in Jerusalem. But where are they to get married? He
must travel to meet her somewhere, where that is possible. Because in
Zion the Aryan is exactly in the position of the Jew here. Par nobile
fratrum! To me the Zionists, who want to go back to the Jewish state of
A.D. 70 (destruction of Jerusalem by Titus), are just as offensive as the

JUNE 1934

69

Nazis. With their nosing after blood, their ancient "cultural roots," their
partly canting, partly obtuse winding back of the world they are alto-
gether a match for the National Socialists. [ . . . ] That is the fantastic thing
about the National Socialists, that they simultaneously share in a commu-
nity of ideas with Soviet Russia and with Zion. — With her naive stories,
Frau Schaps, who has returned from visiting her Sebba children in Haifa,
confirms me in my hatred of these Zionist doings (whereas Blumenfeld
sympathizes with them).

[...]

Marta's daughter Lilly at last married and off to Uruguay. The hus-
band, a musician, secretary at the legation in Berlin and student of music
there. Now has a post in a factory in his homeland. Was supposed to be-
come a teacher at the state conservatory, which did not come about be-
cause of the conservatory's shortage of money. — The Jelskis were here on
June 1. Shortly beforehand, Marta had the most ferocious quarrel with the
Bloch woman, to whom she was now traveling as a friend, because she
(Bloch) sent an excessively large dental bill, which was not paid. — Per-
haps Eva and I took the world too seriously One has to see the funny side
of things. Because the majority of people are so thick-skinned that they are
not really touched by disgrace of the spirit.

Fraulein Rudiger was here on June 7 after a long gap (one year). We had
already fallen out a little on that occasion because her only response to my
bitterness was that I was overwrought and should take a rest. This time
she made a wild, hysterical declaration for the "Fiihrer," to which I gave
the necessary reply (in the presence of Karl Wieghardt). She to that: "I can-
not discuss it. I have faith. We have come home — we have not been at
home since 1918." I asked her, assistant in the German Department, the
enthusiastic student and devotee of Walzel, what Kant, Lessing, Goethe,
Schiller would have said to this "home." Reply: They would have been in
agreement with it, one must have "faith," for all the "tragic details and er-
rors." And today she has written me a pathetic letter: Tragedy, pain over
the friendship, everything must take second place to Fatherland and na-
tion, the miraculous deed of the Fiihrer, in which she believes.

Yesterday by contrast in the State Library: A collection of manuscripts
belonging to the late Professor Vollmuller (Romance Languages) has been
offered to it and I should take a look at it, although I do not know anything
about manuscripts. (Besides it does not appear to contain anything new
and valuable.) Conversation with Director Bollert, who has grown very
old, and young Dr. Kastner. (I last spoke to Bollert in the courtyard of the
library as he was strolling there with Ulich. A couple of months ago. Ulich
is in the USA now. At the time Bollert pointed to my brown suit. Not yet
brown enough. Professor. Now his letter to me was signed: With best re-
gards, Heil Hitler! The Director, etc.) Bollert said consolingly in the pres-
ence of young Dr. Kastner: "You won't believe how few National Socialists
there are. So many people come to see me. First with their arm stretched
out. Hitler salute. Then they feel their way into the conversation. Then,

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

when they've become certain, the mask falls. I too have to raise my arm. I
say 'Heil' — but I cannot utter 'Heil Hitler.' I have just been in south Ger-
many. There you very rarely hear 'Heil Hitler' — usually 'God bless!' But
the Nordic race is more and more in evidence. Everyone's face has grown
longer . . . The 'First of May Festival' was a failure. I had assembled forty
people here. There were five left for Hitler's radio speech." (That fits with
the thirty students who participated in the procession of the university
"enterprise.")

[...]

On June 5, the young Kohlers together with Fraulein Carlo were up in
Dolzschen, then for supper with us. On June 9 we ate with the Kohler par-
ents. Exasperation and certainty that it is coming to an end. The Kohlers
already knew about the decree issued immediately afterward by Rust, the
Reich Education Minister, according to which all teachers are to get an an-
nual four-week "national political overhaul" (overhaul, again the mecha-
nistic terminology). The ever greater tyranny a sign of ever greater
uncertainty. — Fraulein Carlo is often a visitor at the house of Kaiser, the
former Saxon Education Minister. There too, they are waiting and hoping
for an early end. Stahlhelm-Zentrum-Army. Kohler has heard from some-
where that nothing will happen until the death of the already more than
half decomposed President of the Reich.

[••]

On June 8 at Hauber's, long visit, the department manager, Steffens, a
man of 56, looks older, took us around. We got into conversation, he felt
his way forward, complained a lot. His son, mid-twenties, unemployed,
but in the SA and so without benefit. The father has a salary of 200M (two
hundred marks, an expert, 35 years at his post) and must provide for son
and daughter and wife. "I do not see much of my children anymore, they
are always with their organization; I also have to be careful talking in front
of them; mistrust has been sown in the heart of the family." The year be-
fore the same (very German, very petit bourgeois) man said with shining
eyes: "the people's chancellor."

The people's chancellor was recently in Dresden for the "Reich Theater
Week." For several days. As prescribed, forests of swastika flags hung in
the streets all week long, newspapers printed articles: "The Thrilling Ex-
perience of Dresden" and so on. But the SA, insofar as it was not deployed
on the streets, was on permanent alert (I know that from my students: "All
these days in the Kugler Hostel!"), and the Leader appeared, disappeared,
moved around, constantly slept in a different place and at a different time
than had been officially announced. Like the Czar, like a Sultan and even
more fearful.

And the signs of the approaching collapse are multiplying. For the first
time, half hidden in a new victory report on the "Battle for Work": "We
have discharged 100,000 emergency and a small number of permanent
workers from structural and civil engineering, in order to carry on the bat-
tle above all in the cities." I.e.: work is at a standstill on the motor roads

JUNE 1934

71

and the housing schemes, and the more dangerous loudmouths in the city
must be stopped. — Then the mysterious "order" from SA chief Rohm as
he went on leave to the SA as it went on leave: "We wish to grant our ene-
mies the brief hope that we shall not come again. But on August 1 we will
be back again in full force and do what is necessary . . ." What does that
mean? — And on every side consistent reports about the tremendous lack
of money. And the admission that the foreign boycott continues and can-
not be gotten rid of. In addition the constant rumors of war. Everywhere
uncertainty, ferment, secrets. We live from day to day.

An older professor, whom I had not known, Wawrziniok (car construc-
tion), shot himself. It was said: He had been very National Socialist, had
emphasized that he was Aryan and of Polish extraction (Poland: our ally!).
It had then come to light that he came from Breslau and not from a pure
Aryan background. The truth? It is at any rate characteristic that such a
rumor circulates after the death of a sixty-one-year-old man. His wife has
been our honorary senator for years because of her great services on be-
half of student welfare. Her I know personally.

Something restful at least. Once, the first time in months, we were at the
cinema. We thought there was a Kiepura film we did not know, but it was
the familiar Ein Lied fiir dich [A Song for You]. Tant mieux; we would gladly
see and hear it a third time. So much music, humor, good acting y todo. It
was a real release for me. I felt the effects for a whole day afterward.

Now for the next two or three weeks I want to deal with the reviews,
which have built up for the DLZ, the only one to remain true to me. And
then back to the Eighteenth Century. In truth, after the Delille study I feel
as helpless and ignorant as before. But I have sworn to myself to begin
writing by September at the latest. The Delille work is a mature and im-
portant one. It must give me the courage also to tackle the work as a whole.

Every day I expect the verdict in the Hueber case. May 15 was the dead-
line. Since then silence. It torments me every morning as I shave. It tor-
ments me every morning at ten as I go to the mailbox. If there is no yellow
envelope inside, of the kind that Langenhan sends, then I feel I have been
reprieved for another twenty-four hours.

[...]

I told myself recently when I finished Delille: If nothing else comes of
my Eighteenth Century, then at least there now exists something complete
in itself which conveys my ideas. And this study will last. At least in the
sense we philologists mean by "last."

June 15, Friday

[...]

I have been depressed since yesterday by the meeting between Hitler
and Mussolini in Venice. If he has a foreign policy success, then he stays. —
Strange: what pleasure I gain from the report today that the Californian

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Baer won the world boxing championship against the Italian giant Car-
nera. Baer, who recently beat Schmeling, is a Jew. Yesterday our news-
paper pulled him to pieces and did not give him a chance against the
Italian. — So feeling comes to the fore despite myself. Baer = Samson =
David and Goliath— bellum judaicum.

Reading over Delille is ruining my eyes terribly again. My writing is
even smaller than I had suspected.

June 17, Sunday

"Beautiful weather" = heat + lack of rain, abnormal lack of rain, such as
has been causing havoc for three months now. A weapon against Hitler!

Yesterday afternoon and evening at the Kuhns (Kotzschenbroda-
Lossnitz)— walks, garden, veranda, fruit wine with resulting hangover
today. Doubly, trebly interesting long conversations between Kuhn and
myself: (a) philological dispute. He calls the present state of affairs, which
he condemns, pure democracy, and what I call by that name. Liberalism.
But he already uses the word "liberalistic," such is the extent to which the
terminology of the National Socialists also infects its opponents (cf. my
philological notes on the movement), (b) He gave me his study of More
and Rousseau, which I have just been reading. To him Rousseau is the
Latin egalitarian, un-German. (Yet he sees Montesquieu as the precursor
of Herder, Herder had "set Montesquieu to music," he told me. — He pro-
fessed himself an opponent of anti-Semitism and yet fundamentally an
anti-Semite. The German is creative, is in fact at one with nature; Luther,
Meister Eckhart had creative imagination — Spinoza is not creative, a mere
mathematician. The Jew is industrious, flexible; mobile, uncreative. There
is no real Jewish musician nor conductor. Furtwangler "carries one away,"
Otto Klemperer does not. — He was surprised when I told him the Na-
tional Socialists were losing or had already lost the bellum judaicum. "So
you do believe in such invincibility of 'World Jewry'? Then the animosity
of the convinced National Socialists is really quite understandable!" I em-
phasized that on the contrary I (just like the French) saw a certain rela-
tionship between Jewish and German thinking. He admitted there was
something to that (Old Testament and Protestantism). But his basic feeling
is nevertheless: the Jew uncreative, mobile, secondary — the German "cre-
ative/7— Also at the Kuhns were the Wiechmann sisters and the Zuchardt
couple, whom we had met there once before. He is a secondary school
teacher and dramatist; he and she are ardently anti-National Socialist.

July 14

I have just sent off the eight reviews to the DLZ (on which I have been
working since June !!).[...]

JULY 1934

73

My energy seems to have increased almost instantaneously, once the
pressure of the last few years abated a little.

The actual deliverance came through the house business. About two
months ago, Ellen Wengler, the sister of my Italian lecturer, saw our plot of
land as she was out walking. Eva showed her the garden, the cellar, told
her our troubles. A little while later this was the result: The Wenglers have
property in England left to them by their late mother (who was English).
A new law compels all Germans to sell their foreign assets; the govern-
ment takes the foreign exchange and pays for it in Reichsmarks. Ellen
Wengler did not want to leave her money unsecured and offered it to me
as a long-term mortgage. From the start everything seemed so improbably
favorable to us that after all the great calamities, all the hundred disap-
pointments, we hardly dared believe in it. But things took shape swiftly
and smoothly. A business talk with Heinrich Wengler, a letter, a telephone
conversation, the siblings here for dinner: In two weeks we had come to
an agreement. A new worry emerged: the German balance of payments
difficulties, the English clearing law — would the Wenglers' assets be held
back? They were not held back. On June 29 1 signed the following contract
with Ellen Wengler at Langenhan's chambers: She gives me as building
capital an initial loan for eight years 12,000M at 6 percent, out of which I
repay the present first mortgage of 2,500M to Nitzsche & Co. (My Iduna
policy matures in eight years.) The corresponding contract with Nitzsche
was signed yesterday. The State Bank had called me in the morning, the
money was there; I had immediately transferred 2,500M by telephone to
Langenhan, and on the fifth he paid the company in my presence. Mean-
while there had been planning and calculating with Pratorius. He will not
be able to manage entirely with the money that is available to him now; I
shall pay the rest in monthly installments. As soon as I am rid of the rent
here and the tremendous taxi costs (over 100M a month) I shall be solvent.
The middle section of the whole house will be built first, it is at least a self-
contained little house with three large rooms and plentiful "fittings."
There was an amusing difficulty: The building regulations of the Third
Reich require "German" houses, and flat roofs are "un-German." Fortu-
nately Eva quickly found that she could like a gable, and so the house will
have a "German gable." If everything else comes off — and I am constantly
after Pratorius — we shall have building permission in two weeks and
shall start immediately. We intend to move in on October 1. What a deliv-
erance! And how strangely ordained! All my planned efforts foundered
and now this comes quite unexpectedly. And comes — the greatest irony of
all! — because of a National Socialist law. Laughing, I said to Annemarie on
the phone, "It is thanks to the Fiihrer that I have got the building capital,
truly thanks to the Fiihrer!" I am becoming ever more fatalistic and am in-
creasingly weaning myself off thinking about the end of all things. But
how fortunate is he who is naive and devout. In my place he would have
put his trust in God through all the bad times and now given him thanks.
I can do neither.

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We were given a second powerful lift by the "Rohm Revolt." (How do
historical designations come about? Why Kapp Putsch ? But Rohm Revolt?
Alliteratively?) No sympathy at all for the vanquished, only delight, (a)
that they are eating one another up, (b) that Hitler is now like a man after
his first major heart attack. Admittedly I was depressed when everything
remained calm during the days that followed. But then we told ourselves:
They cannot survive this blow. Especially now with the emergency of the
failed harvest just around the comer, accompanied by the complete bank-
ruptcy of the state and the impossibility of purchasing foreign food. — Be-
cause of the fears of his mother, who is in Denmark at present, Karl
Wieghardt was lured into visiting his relatives in Bohemia for a couple of
days. Exchange of telegrams: "Aunt seriously ill, come immediately."
Reply: "Wire whether condition really serious." — "Very serious, come im-
mediately." On his return, he brought newspaper clippings with him,
which is punishable with prison. The English: Mexican conditions. — "In
the next few years we should not be afraid of Germany, but for Ger-
many" ... He has had his enemies killed . . . Medieval . . . etc., etc. A
Prague newspaper published a picture: Hitler and Rohm in intimate con-
versation, and printed a letter that Hitler had written only in January to
his dear friend and most loyal helper.

The confusion in the populace's ideas is shocking. A very calm and
easygoing mailman and likewise old Pratorius, who is not at all National
Socialist, said to me in the same words: "Well, he simply sentenced them."
A chancellor sentences and shoots members of his own private army!

The terrible uncertainty. When there was a statement a few days later:
"A German journalist in Paris was the intermediary between Schleicher
and a foreign government," we immediately put two and two together:
that must be Theodor Wolff, they want to divert attention to the Jews,
tighten "Jewish legislation," and take away our right to live in Dolzschen
on our own land. But so far there has been no move in that direction. There
was even a "pro-Jewish" judgment from the Supreme Court of the Reich.
A man had wanted a divorce because of a Jewish wife. The first court re-
fused him, he won on appeal. The Supreme Court refused him again be-
cause he had known his wife's race when the marriage took place. The
Freiheitskampf printed all this under the banner headline: "Who has to
keep his Jewish wife?"

Yesterday Hitler put on a big show in front of his Reichstag. A loud-
speaker was mounted on a statue in the fountain at Chemnitzer Platz; I
heard a few sentences of Hitler's speech as I went to get a taxi in the
evening. The voice of a fanatical preacher. Eva says: Jan von Leyden. I say:
Rienzi. Today I read the whole speech in the Freiheitskampf. I almost feel
pity for Hitler as a human being. The man is lost and feels it; for the first
time he is speaking without hope. He does not think he is a murderer. In
fact he presumably did act in self-defense and prevented a substantially
worse slaughter. But after all he appointed these people to their posts, but
after all he is the author of this absolutist system. [ . . . ] The dreadful thing

JULY 1934

75

is that a European nation has delivered itself up to such a gang of lunatics
and criminals and still puts up with them.

Tremendously interesting were Hitler's words about the threat of "Na-
tional Bolshevism." He boasts about having "exterminated" the Commu-
nists. He organized and armed them, he brutalized and poisoned them
with his racial theories. What maintains Hitler now is only the fear of the
chaos to follow. But we shall have to pass through that. Because: all the
newspapers mentioned a small group of mutineers and seven executions.
Now Hitler says he "put seventy-seven against the wall," and talks about
a conspiracy that extended throughout the SA, which also involved three
leaders of his praetorian guard, the SS.

And how nauseating: In the reports at the beginning of July the ped-
erast group was pushed into the foreground. As if only they had "mu-
tinied," as if Hitler were a moral cleanser. But after all he knew what the
inclinations of his intimate friend and chief of staff were, after all he toler-
ated the sentencing of a large number of people accused of slandering
Rohm in this respect, and this time after all it was not about 1175 and the
"revolt" did not originate only with pederasts. — But of course, Fraulein
von Rudiger and Co. will now believe with a vengeance in their heaven-
sent pure Fiihrer. Eva says, the Rudiger woman and Thieme represent
Hitler's followers: hysterical women and petit bourgeois.

On top of the building capital and the Rohm Revolt there at last came
a third piece of good news yesterday, modest, but also truly a deliver-
ance: the verdict in the Hueber case. His countercharge dismissed,
337.20M of my claim conceded; legal costs 54 Hueber, 44 me. According to
that I would receive about 200M. After the terrible expert opinions I had
been expecting to pay out several hundred marks. [ . . . ] How much
agony and annoyance we both suffered for almost two whole years and
how it weighed upon all our plans! So: At the beginning I rightly
claimed 600M and was willing to accept 500, but Hueber offered 250M.
Now I shall receive approximately 200M, but Hueber must fork out
700M if he wants to "stay execution," even though he has already paid
for the two expert opinions which come to 250M. What foolishness! And
yet, what a release. Unless Hueber were to appeal, but then I shall not
worry as much as before, and then I shall also have a couple of months
respite.

Building capital, Rohm Revolt, Hueber case — it is as if my life were tak-
ing a turn for the better again. And I believe I shall also be able to work
again. As soon as I have caught up with my diary entries, that is, tomor-
row, on to Voltaire!

Recently Jelski sent me a sermon he had preached for a deceased com-
munity leader. The heading was "To our leader ..." I don't know, Jacob-
sohn or Levi or Blumenfeld . . . How tasteless and how contemptible!
Observant Jews purify vessels that have become tref by burying them. In
the same way the word "leader" [Fiihrer] will have to be buried for a long
time before it is pure and serviceable again.

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Goebbels the advertising minister is no psychologist. He is boring, peo-
ple make fun of the boring radio, etc. What is the mistake? If a factory, a
single enterprise constantly tries to imprint itself on people's minds, on
tramcars, with skywriters, etc., etc., that is amusing, because the aim is to
capture the public in a specific and unessential respect, because it retains
its freedom of choice, for example, between this or that razor blade, be-
cause this one advertisement is countered by a thousand others. Goebbels,
however, does not captivate, but literally "binds" the whole person, tyr-
annizes him, and the one who is bound rebels against that, and he has an
aversion to the utter monotony of the one thing being offered him. The
progression of feelings here runs from a deadened indifference to aversion
and revolt.

[...]

On June 29, delighted by the building affair, I gave Eva a lovely Japa-
nese conifer, on July 12 a giant rhododendron bush. Karl Wieghardt had
worked hard with her on the twenty-ninth, he was our guest, and there
was a bottle of sparkling wine in readiness. Then the young Kohlers ap-
peared unexpectedly after the meal to congratulate us. The bottle of wine
did not go far, but was appreciated. On July 12 we were guests of the Blu-
menfelds, and Annemarie was there too. There was such a heavy, sweet
Zion wine that my stomach is still rebelling a little against it today. But
perhaps the fine roast goose is also to blame. Apart from the good food
there was very beautiful phonograph music, a Mozart concerto and Bach
on wonderful records. And all of us felt a little elated by the feeling of the
"beginning of the end" (scilicet tertii imperii).

In my bohemian youth the name Erich Miihsam had a certain signifi-
cance. I do not know whether I saw him and talked to him myself, or knew
him only from Eva's and Erich Meyerhof's many stories and from the
magazine Simplicissimus. He was a harmless Schwabing jester and a good-
natured human being. Bad enough that his part in Councils Republic cost
him several years in jail. Now it says in the Freiheitskampf— it has been sent
to me during the last few days for promotional purposes — "The Jew Erich
Miihsam has hanged himself while in custody."

July 27, Friday

Yesterday I ended my semester as I had begun it: i.e., I waited in vain once
more for the students who had been prevented from coming. During this
semester, therefore, I have given my classes before one or two people, like-
wise my lecture. In total I had two female students, Fraulein Heyne and
Fraulein Kaltofen, one male student and SA man (of an extremely unmar-
tial nature), Heintzsch. How will things go on? I am waiting like a junior
clerk to find out whether I am given notice on October 1. But perhaps
others will be dismissed before then. Yesterday the second blow struck the
brow of the bull: Dollfuss killed and the German ambassador recalled

JULY 1934

77

from Vienna because "without knowledge and instruction of the govern-
ment of the Reich" he had promised the insurrectionists free passage to
Germany. Whereupon the Fiihrer left the festival at Bayreuth because of
the "sad events" and the foreign press resumed its usual slanders. How
much longer? [ . . . ]

And yesterday the site was pegged out up in Dolzschen and so work
was begun.

And yesterday I arrived up there, flustered and very tired, with espe-
cially bad heart trouble and asked myself yet again very bitterly, which of
my wishes I shall live to see fulfilled: the house, the fall of Hitler, my Eigh-
teenth Century?

[..•]

The study on the language of the 3rd Reich also increasingly preoccu-
pies me. To be developed through literature, for instance reading Mein
Kampf, in which the (partial) origins of the language of war must be evi-
dent. Eva draws attention to the language of war ("battle for work").

July 29, Sunday

Hardly had I rejoiced at deliverance than there was a serious crisis and as-
sault on my nerves. Pratorius telephoned — Saturday before eight in the
evening — the required "German gable" increases the cost by 2,300M. I
shouted at him, at Eva, tears on her side, "taking advantage of a difficult
situation!" on my side, "recall of the contract"— very difficult night and
following morning. The money was available, costs 2M in interest a day,
the contract has been signed by a notary, but again: I could not get hold of
that much. Then Pratorius was here in the afternoon — desperate calcula-
tions back and forth. Result: He will raise the price by "only" 1,000M, leav-
ing 3,000M, which I will pay off in monthly installments. I shall note the
precise costing as soon as I have the contract from Pratorius. Meanwhile a
further week has passed — we intend to move in on October 1 — and as yet
there is no contract and not a single sod of earth turned. The District Of-
fice, the parish, this and that — and I am like a cat on hot bricks, all the
more so as every day can bring a state catastrophe. The second "stroke" is
undoubtedly near: foreign affairs, the economy, domestic affairs — every-
thing is lost. Mysteriously threatening decrees from the Minister of Justice,
from the Minister of the Interior against possible sabotage by civil ser-
vants, against outside interventions in the justice system. One surely does
not write such things unless one is trembling. And a nation of 60 million
taps in the dark and scares itself.

The fate of the last few weeks: the increasingly excessive heat and sul-
triness; finally thunderstorms in the last couple of days — but little rain
and continuing sultry: cooking pot. Hours of sprinkling and carrying pails
to where the hose does not reach. One can start only after sundown. Went

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up a couple of times before seven and watered until half past nine. Beau-
tiful, when the lights of the city come on, but terribly exhausting. We are
both sore and worn out, I am constantly tormented by painful inflamma-
tions of the eyes, on my head, at the back of the neck, on my shoulder.

Since finishing the reviews, I am reading Brandes' Voltaire and am
stringing my thoughts for the central chapter of the Eighteenth Century to
it. All kinds of things occur to me, after all I have read so much Voltaire in
my life. I think it will be a very serious chapter. And the "Fuhrer" is re-
sponsible for fundamental ideas in it.

[...]

Frau Dember here from Constantinople, to spend the holidays with her
mother in Altenberg. He, Dember, is going to France, to improve his
French. A few days ago Frau Dember visited us briefly in the afternoon.
Yesterday evening invited with her to the Blumenfelds. The Wieghardts
there too. Gusti back from Denmark. [ . . . ]

Blumenfeld, returned from Berlin, says there is an atmosphere of "mute
despair" in the city. The bloodbath was worse than admitted — Frau Dem-
ber and Gusti Wieghardt say that few people abroad believe in a real
"revolt," rather Hitler had organized a "St. Bartholomew's Eve" — the
government was now finished in every respect and close to collapse, but
that would not be followed by better times, since the economic break-
down was immense and irreparable.

Blumenfeld is particularly gloomy about the specifically Jewish future.
He believes anti-Semitism is deep-rooted everywhere and in the process
of spreading and intensifying. He himself is tending more and more to the
side of national Zionism.

Philology of the National Socialists: Goering said in a speech in front of the
Berlin City Hall: "All of us, from the simple SA man right up to the prime
minister, are of Adolf Hitler and through Adolf Hitler. He is Germany."
Language of the Gospels. — Something of the Encyclopedic style, some-
what modified, is now also present in the government's edicts. It hints, it
warns, it threatens — whom? The public is kept in fear, individuals or
groups (which?) threatened indirectly. Decree issued by Justice Minister
Gurtner on July 21: "Illegitimate attempts to influence the course of the ju-
dicial process are to be most emphatically rejected and immediately re-
ported to superior authorities . . ." Is that aimed at Colonel Hindenburg,
or Papen, or a particular SS leader, or a group? Before, Eva used to say that
the government's publications were distinguished by "shameless can-
dor." I always pointed out to her the mixture of candor and lies. (First 7,
then 77 "put up against the wall."— The fiction that only homosexuals
were involved, that it had been an act of moral cleansing.) Now this new
element of hidden threat. They say: We know everything, be careful! Yet
this is also a flight into openness. And how does that fit with the constant
emphasis that the people stand behind Hitler, the "revolt" is over and
done with?

AUGUST 1934

79

Five aspects so far: (1) the mechanical style, (2) the Encyclopedic style
of the emigres (Gusti Wieghardt says that in France they are called Les
chez-nous), (3) the Encyclopedic style of the government, (4) the advertis-
ing style, (5) the Germanic style: Names, name changes [...], months . . .
Cf. the months of the French Revolution: new ones!

August 1, Wednesday

I do not know whether history is racing ahead or standing still. On the last
day of June, the St. Bartholomew's Eve, at the end of July, the Austrian af-
fair, the murder of Dollfuss, Italy's complete break with Germany ... It is
not my intention here to register individual historical facts. Only this feel-
ing of holding one's breath: "Will the bull collapse this time — at the sec-
ond terrible blow to his brow?" Again he does not collapse. And now this
bulletin yesterday: Hindenburg's condition giving cause for concern.
Surely the decision must come now. If the next few days do not see
Hitler's fall, he will make himself President, i.e., he will let himself be cho-
sen in a "free" vote by the unshakable love of his people. What I want to
note is again only one point: "Language of the 3rd Reich." Yesterday's
newspapers appeared with banner headlines across the front page: Execu-
tion of the Dollfuss Murderers. Underneath there were headlines about
this and that. But the name Hindenburg was not to be found in any promi-
nent position. The bulletin only came further down, amid the three or four
column divisions, and no bolder than much else — and bold type is so
common nowadays that it does not stand out at all (cf. celui > celuici, in-
tensification of advertising).

In the evening at the Blumenfelds (they were supposed to eat with us,
Grete Blumenfeld is on her back with a damaged knee, we went to them
for evening coffee): There was a most serious discussion about the new
state of affairs, in Blumenfeld's view hopeless, while I related what Jo-
hannes Kohler told me weeks ago: army dictatorship on Hindenburg's
death. [ . . . ]

Reading aloud, at Annemarie's suggestion. Buck's quite Homeric The
Good Earth.

August 2, Thursday morning

Blumenfeld telephoned, his wife had just called him from town, Hinden-
burg died at nine o'clock. A little like the death of old Franz Joseph. For a
long time no more than a name and yet a last counterweight, which now
falls away. The people may see it like that too. Only yesterday evening
Schmidt, the tax official up in Dolzschen, spoke in a similar vein (the
meaning was the same). He said: "After all Hitler had to deliver a report
to him." I: "Rarely and only for show, in reality Hitler has been ruling

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alone for a long time." He: "That certainly — but the old gentleman was
still there nevertheless." And his wife: "Surely he cannot be both, Presi-
dent and Chancellor. Two offices in one hand?" Quite simple, Aryan, petit
bourgeois people. And the man, depressed: He had enough with his
wound, his long imprisonment in Russia, he doesn't want another war. —
But all this in a whisper, depressed, fearful, helpless. That is probably the
voice of the German people.

[ . . . ] I find it as difficult to work on Voltaire as twenty years ago (Au-
gust 2, 1914!) on Montesquieu. But then I was filled with enthusiasm and
today I am very downhearted.

August 4, Saturday morning

At first, events made us extremely bitter and almost desperate, Eva al-
most more than myself. Hindenburg dies at nine o'clock on the 2nd of
August, one hour later a "law" of the Reich Government of August 1 ap-
pears: The offices of the President and the Chancellor are united in
Hitler's person, the army (Wehrmacht) will give its oath to him, and at
half past six the troops in Dresden swore their oath and everything is
completely calm. Our butcher says indifferently: "Why vote first? It just
costs a lot of money." The people hardly notice this complete coup d'etat,
it all takes place in silence, drowned out by hymns to the dead Hinden-
burg. I would swear that millions upon millions have no idea what a
monstrous thing has occurred. — Eva says, "And we belong to this band
of slaves." In the evening as a tire bursts, dismissively: "It is not a
shot." — We had always placed hopes in the Reichswehr; Johannes Kohler
had told us long ago, as a confirmed rumor, that it was only waiting for
the imminent death of Hindenburg to act. And now it calmly gives its
oath to the new "Commander-in-Chief of the Wehrmacht."

But yesterday Hitler's letter to the Minister of the Reich: He had been
entrusted with his offices in a "constitutionally legitimate" fashion, but
all true power must come from the people, and so a plebiscite will take
place. — Since when does he emphasize constitutionality? Since when
does one swear in the army and have an "election" afterward? Was that
the original intention? Did everything work out? And what will happen
on August 19? The November mood is no longer there and Hindenburg
is dead. [ . . . ]

August 7, Tuesday evening

The Kuhns were here on Saturday. He spoke very forcefully about Hitler's
"stupid demagogy." He said that it had already been obvious at the time
of the Rohm Revolt that an agreement had been concluded with the
Reichswehr. Hitler had undoubtedly bound himself to move his govern-

AUGUST 1934

81

merit to the "right/' But that must within a short time bring him into con-
flict with the Communists who had been absorbed. He, Kuhn, now con-
siders civil war imminent and unavoidable.

That fits very well with the interview with General Reichenau pub-
lished today amid the din of the Hindenburg-Tannenberg ceremonies
[ . . . ] which cloaks everything. Who is General Reichenau? [...] He de-
clares to the French journalist. Hitler can rely on the Reichswehr and the
Reichswehr can rely on him. When has the army in Germany ever empha-
sized such a thing? It is making a big show of an agreement of mutual as-
sistance with a usurping statesman. It will support him as long as he does
its will. Against whom? Reichenau explains, Rohm wanted to merge "the
political army of the SA" with the Reichswehr. Hitler has promised never
to do that. — A pact against the mass of the National Socialist Party. [ . . . ]

It fits with the new alliance, that in the reports on the ceremonies yes-
terday and today the princes put in an appearance again. "The former
Crown Prince, Gruppenfuhrer Prince August Wilhelm, could be seen in
the box ..."

August 11, Saturday morning

Until the end of July we suffered from the drought. We had to water until
late evening, the taxi costs were considerable. Since building started, rain
is our constant fear. It can delay us, and our intention is to move in on Oc-
tober 1. We have been lucky until now. Last Saturday a heavy downpour
began in the afternoon — work stops at one o'clock — and lasted literally
until Monday morning. After that, for the whole week, the actual working
time (seven until four) escaped the rain. The excavation has been almost
completed, and a large part of the foundation walls are already standing.
Building timber is to be delivered today. Of course, it is not certain
whether we will be ready by October 1, and of course there is no lack ei-
ther of worries nor awkward incidents nor unforeseen costs. [ . . . ] I put
my trust in Eva, refuse to become attached to any property and am fatalis-
tic. Aside from that, the visible progress of the house gives me pleasure,
and despite poor physical condition and despite the immense uncertainty
of the general situation, which affects me so severely and directly, I am on
the whole more hopeful than for a long time.

After various negotiations. I signed a contract for moving [ . . . ] cost
240M. It will be covered by the glorious conclusion of the Hueber case.

I discovered — which I had completely forgotten, really completely!
that in 1916 in Paderbom, Driburg and Leipzig I had carefully made ex-
tracts from all of Voltaire's important works, luckily in legible and fairly
large handwriting. I read much of it through very carefully, arranged it all
very precisely for reading section by section, as the writing progresses,

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and decided to begin today with the introductory chapter, "Voltaire and
the Eighteenth Century." Yes indeed, today; this very morning, and even
if it is only half a dozen lines, before I go up to Dolzschen. There is no
point in reading anymore, it only makes me more uncertain. And once this
structural chapter is there, then I will no doubt feel my way forward.
Whatever reading is still necessary— a great deal!— must now be dealt
with case by case. I will become completely giddy and slack if I go on
reading and feeling so blindly around me. It was the same with all my
books: There is a moment literally of aversion to the preparation, of com-
plete confusion, of terrible despair. Double despair, because everything
has already been said and because I cannot read everything. When I then
begin apathetically with the order to myself: You must write now, whether
it proves to be good or bad, fat or lean, original or imitation — until now it
has never turned out so very bad and inadequate. Why should I fail this
time? I am still only 53 years of age. Like a Calvinist, I must prove that I
am still in a state of grace. So: Volume 4 of my Literary History begun on
August 11, '34.

I believe August 11 was "Constitution Day" of the Republic. This "I be-
lieve" is characteristic; the festivities were never popular, never conducted
with verve and impact. In this respect the Republic was all too Protestant;
it relied far too much on the intellect and despised the senses, it overesti-
mated the people. With the present government the opposite is the case,
and it exaggerates this opposite to the point of absurdity. That speeches by
ministers and by the "Fiihrer" are put on records and repeated, that the
same state occasions are time after time presented on film — wonderful.
But if the funeral at Tannenberg is repeated on the radio, that is, if one acts
as if Hindenburg really were being buried twice, if one does not present
the evident reproduction of an act but instead creates the illusion that the
event is literally taking place twice, and if this act happens to be the fu-
neral of the "fatherly friend" and his entry "into Valhalla," then some-
thing holy is desecrated, it is automated and made ridiculous.

August 21, Tuesday

The five million No and spoiled ballots on August 19 against 38 million
who voted Yes mean ethically so much more than simply a ninth of the
total. It took some courage and reflection. All the voters were intimidated
and intoxicated with phrases and festive noise. One third said Yes out of
fear, one third out of intoxication, one third out of fear and intoxication.
And Eva and I also simply put a cross at No out of a certain degree of de-
spair and not without fear. Nevertheless, despite the moral defeat: Hitler
is the undisputed victor, and there is no end in sight.

I was struck by the brevity of the propaganda barrage. It opened only a
very few days before the nineteenth, but then with a frenzy of flags, ap-
peals, radio addresses — a gamble on stupidity and primitiveness. The

SEPTEMBER 1934

83

country lets yesterday be drowned out, the Rohm Revolt, the Dollfuss
murder, etc., etc. One can only start such anesthesia immediately before
the operation. — But how long does the psychosis last, and among whom?
On the seventeenth Hitler gave his big election speech in Hamburg, and
that was the hub of the festive jubilation that had been ordered. In fact he
received the most Noes in Hamburg, 21 percent of votes cast.

Today I heard from Ellen Wengler what Kuhn had recently asserted:
Hitler has given the Reichswehr binding promises, he is no longer free, it
is really their dictatorship. Can one gather hope for his fall from that? I am
very much without hope at present.

The practice in the banning and permitting of foreign newspapers to be
noted. Faraway places can no longer be cordoned off, too many people lis-
ten to foreign broadcasts on the radio. So as far as possible they give the
impression of not being afraid of the foreign press, in the hope that the
masses will not look at it anyway. Only in very serious cases is there a ban.
But of course: the German press from abroad (Austrian, Swiss) is kept out.

The construction is making good progress (although we are worried
about materials, varnish is already expensive and in short supply, a stop
on metals and rubber is imminent); the Voltaire chapter creeps ahead line
by line.

Today we will finish the Sons by Buck. A tremendous epic achievement.

September 1, Saturday evening

Today did not go at all according to plan. It was supposed to be the day of
the roof-raising ceremony. Last week, after lengthy preparation of the in-
dividual beams, the wooden walls rose very quickly. My impression
changed daily: At one moment I think I have a dog kennel in front of me,
at another the thing looks more reputable. Today, however, such a heavy
autumn rain began during the night and continued uninterruptedly until
evening, that the men could do absolutely nothing at all. The roof will
therefore be put on come Monday or Tuesday and the roof-raising cere-
mony will be then. I have left the arrangements to Pratorius, who has lit-
erally grown younger as building has progressed.

It was good that nothing materialized today. For the past week Eva has
been suffering increasingly from a stomach bug, last night was fairly
dreadful, she lay down all day.

September 2, Sunday

My own health is poor: a lot of heart trouble, constant painful inflamma-
tions on my shoulders, the back of the neck, my head, above all my eyes,
minimal productivity, exhaustion. — Am I lazier than others? Others
travel, go hiking, socialize, play cards, spend their lives unproductively as

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well. I spend more than half the day taking care of the household for Eva
and the two cats and spend a great deal of the other half reading aloud.
After a period of very serious reading, or when Eva is very exhausted,
there has to be something "exciting," a detective story if possible. So now
we've landed with Edgar Wallace, The Green Archer.

September 4, Tuesday

The roof-raising ceremony took place yesterday, September 3. Eva very
fresh, and I saw indeed how close it is to her heart. I myself more an ob-
server and very melancholy. Nine workers, among them the husband of
our cleaning woman, the latter with her little girl, Pratorius and his wife,
Ellen Wengler, the "blood donor." At three we came up by taxi with a
mountain of cakes and a great amount of coffee.

A birch ("fetched" from the woods, of course) with white and red paper
pennants at the top. The men are still working. No flag. I had ordained: If
a flag were deemed necessary, then a black-white-red one. We clambered
about on the imposed "German" roof.

It has turned out well, and the thing as a whole now makes a reputable
impression. Then a table made of planks was set up in front of the house,
the cakes disappeared in a flash, Ellen Wengler took pictures enthusiasti-
cally. After five we went on to the "raising feast." The Zum Kirschberg
Restaurant on Altfrankener Strasse. A bare room for us. A grayish radio.
Each person was supposed to get a Beffstick (= Beefsteak) with potato
salad — but the restaurant had only prepared fourteen, those without got
pork — there was swapping around, another Beffstick was found after all,
it turned out afterward that the tall foreman-carpenter had eaten two por-
tions, he also got the potato salad I left on my plate. Apart from that each
got beer tokens, teetotalers — of whom there were several — could buy
lemonade with them or exchange them for cash; two got bars of chocolate
as an alternative; three leading workers also received money, two carpen-
ters 10M each, a mason 6M. I had brought cigarettes and cigarillos with
me. I had to make a short speech. I said that I was not going to make a long
and beautiful speech, they could hear that every day on the radio, and
here we wanted to be cheerful. But the joke was not understood. Then the
tall, lively carpenter read out a speech of cliches, then the foreman halt-
ingly uttered ponderous thanks and words about the craft of building in
wood, then Frau Pratorius a little disjointed, rhetorical, but nevertheless
fluent about her particular branch of construction — finally to my aston-
ishment Eva. Fluent and spirited. Links with the Thirty Years' War. Her
Nordic forebears in their wooden house arrived in Germany with Gustav
Adolf. When we saw a cargo of Swedish wood on the deck of a freighter,
she always thought, "There floats my house."

People's mistrust of wooden houses, no financial backer — yes, if it were
built of stone! — to cap it all, her "pigheadedness." Only a miracle could

SEPTEMBER 1934

85

save things, miraculously a friend was found as financial backer — on the
very day of our thirtieth wedding anniversary. And now she hoped she
would be able to celebrate many another roof-raising ceremony. The
house was now a baby, it still had further to grow. — Eva also danced
twice: with Frau Lehmann and with Ellen Wengler. — How often have I
heard her talking about wanting to die, and what vitality there is in her! I
am much more detached. Yet she has no fear of death, whereas I torment
myself with thoughts of the end at every irregular heartbeat. Toward
seven we drove off with Pratorius and Ellen Wengler. The workers be-
haved well and with subdued good cheer. Any kind of relationship with
the "people" is quite impossible for me, any kind of capacity for celebra-
tion has been denied me all my life. I was glad that this had passed off
without serious problems and was now behind me. At home Eva went to
bed immediately, and I read aloud from The Green Archer for a long time.

[...]

Language of the 3rd Reich: A state secretary in the Reich Education Min-
istry writes, in future primary schoolteachers should no longer be "aca-
demically" trained. They should "teach German youth counting, writing
and reading." Further: "A total science of people and state based on the
National Socialist idea is at the heart of the non-denominational school."
(From the journal Volk im Werden , excerpt in the Dresdener NN of August
22, 1934.) (a) return to the primitive (b) total science! Apart from the lan-
guage study, it means the end of the PI in Dresden, that is, takes my last
two students from me, so that I must expect to be retired by April at the
latest. [ . . . ]

It is not merely a question of language, that a civil service oath to Hitler
in person is now required of me. It was given collectively last Saturday.
Those who are on holiday will swear at the beginning of the new semes-
ter. I am on holiday. Two months is a long time. — But I shall swear. Only
now do I understand that the reservatio mentalis is necessary and self-
evident. Blumenfeld, who as titular assistant professor and as retired does
not need to swear, told me: "You do not give the oath to Adolf Hitler in
person but to the Fiihrer and Chancellor of the Reich Adolf Hitler for the
period of his official activity." — Nevertheless: sickening.

September 6, Thursday

[...]

After an interval of almost a week because of Eva's illness and the
house, I returned to Voltaire again today. With very little success.

September 9, Sunday

Yesterday housewarming coffee up at the house. Very time-consuming,
bothersome, expensive — in very fine weather. Blumenfelds, the "re-

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spectable" Kohlers, Carlo, Wenglers, Frau Kaufmann (! — touching really,
since we behaved so badly to her and have not seen her since the quarrel
in November).

September 11

Language of the 3rd Reich: Party Rally of "loyalty" in Niimberg. Loyalty, of
all things, after the revolt. Always have the cheek to claim the opposite.
The Fiihrer: Order for a thousand years. Once more the fantastic number.
Once more against "irresolute intellectualism." [ . . . ]

Goebbels' speech about propaganda. Propaganda "must not lie." It
"must be creative." — "Fear of the people is the characteristic feature of
the liberal conception of the state." We practice an "active influencing" of
the people "complemented by a systematic long-term education of a peo-
ple." "At certain times statesmen must have the courage also to do un-
popular things. But the unpopular has to be prepared for in advance, and
its presentation must be properly formulated, so that the people under-
stand it . . (September 6, '34). On the eighth: "We must speak the lan-
guage the people understand. Whoever wants to talk to the people, must,
as Martin Luther says, listen to what people have to say."

Once again the Fiihrer appeals to "heroic instincts." The subordinate
leaders emphasize once again: "Adolf Hitler is Germany."

September 12

Mussolini said at the trade fair in Bari: The Italians regard our theories
with supreme pity. They had a three-thousand-year-old culture, they
had Virgil, when we were still without letters to write down our for-
tunes!—Contempt for the barbarians! I would like to write a book: The
language of the French Revolution, of Fascism, of the 3rd Reich. Basic
idea: France altogether autochthonous , speech of Corneille's Romans,
very reactionary language! Italy also almost entirely Latin, fasces! But
nevertheless with American and Russian elements! Germany on the
other hand: in every way entirely un-German, even in the gestural lan-
guage, Romance, Russian, American. Except in the blood idea, in the an-
imalistic therefore!

Very vigorous activity on our building. All the trades, roofers, gas fit-
ters, electricians, plumbers, etc. are working simultaneously, the place is
swarming with workers and materials. A dozen balls of peat, a mountain
of slag for filling and intermediate filling, a tar kiln, the thick copper wires
of the lightning conductor, boards, cement, etc. Eva is overjoyed. We are
"electrifying" everything, including the kitchen. I have ordered the largest
goods on an installment plan. Increases the price, but in a bearable way.
Very warm, watery autumn weather. Incredible blooming of dahlias and

SEPTEMBER 1934

87

sunflowers. Eva up at the house almost every day for half the day. Over-
joyed. — Old Pratorius is, against all expectation, proving himself both in
pace and prudent management. He stands smiling above the chaos and
declares we will be able to move in on October 1.

The biographical Voltaire section, little biography, many ideas, is com-
plete. Very good, but much too long. 28 extremely packed pages in man-
uscript, at least 40 in print. I am still pondering the arrangement of the
two volumes. Preferably: Du cote de Voltaire, Du cote de Rousseau — two
vertical lines, which are then brought together through (a) the mediators,
(b) the Revolution. But will that be feasible? Voltaire really is part of the
whole century, Rousseau comes only after so many precursors. So I
would need to go back quite differently in the Rousseau book than in the
Voltaire book.

September 14

Language of the 3rd Reich: When he spoke to youth in Niimberg, Hitler also
said: "You sing songs together." Everything is aimed at deafening the in-
dividual in collectivism. — In general pay attention to the role of radio !
Not like other technical achievements: new contents, new philosophy. But:
new style. Printed matter suppressed. Oratorical oral. Primitive — at a
higher level.

September 26

Incredible chaos up in Dolzschen, where we are supposed to move in on
the first. Chaos beginning down here. Excessive expenditure. Everything
is a "special bill," everything "has to be." Moving earth, varnishing
heaters, lubricating steps, fire insurance 2.5 percent higher, fire insurance
office, a drain and a water main connection not in the contract. Telephone,
taxis, taxis, taxis. I shall scrape through with my last penny — if I scrape
through. [ . . . ] The little house will be pretty, and when I am fresh I face
up to everything with courage and even pleasure. But I am seldom fresh
and often in despair. My heart often poor. — Eva on the other hand revels
in plans for further construction. But she too suffers. Her right wrist is
swollen every morning. But she expects to live until she is ninety, and I —
warned by frequent palpitations — sometimes, often, mostly think that I
have only another two, three years left.

I cling to my work. Half a manuscript page of Voltaire daily. I shall have
to cut the chapter down.

But there is no point in despairing. If the Hueber case had turned out
worse, I would be financially ruined already. Perhaps fate will give me a
helping hand. Ultimately it is a miracle that we could build the house at all
and at this time. Why should there not be further miracles?

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

September 27, Thursday

Last Saturday we were at the "respectable" Kohlers; it was nice as ever,
but did not agree with us because of stuffy air and smoke. Father Kohler
said with real feeling: How much that must mean to you, that the house
you longed for is at last being completed! — I examine my feelings, they
are very mixed. A blessing for Eva certainly, but a lasting one? Will not the
lament about "crippling," the lack of space, the desire to continue building
paralyze the blessing? Forseche si, forseche no. And I? For hours at a time
I am happy about it. Often I feel the financial burden, the fact of being tied
down, no longer being able to travel. But I would not have been able to do
that, even without a new house. Most of all I am tormented by the feeling
of my approaching end. The question: What is the point now? But then I
simply say to myself: for Eva, for the time that remains, be it long or short.
And in the end it all balances out in the final judgment — it matters as little
as everything else. I put the terrible memories of all the bitterness that is
attached to the plan for the house to the very back of my mind. Berthold is
dead, what is the point of getting even with him now? — Our friends, Karl
Wieghardt, Ellen Wengler, finally (see below) Trude Ohlmann, have taken
photographs of the little house, of the garden, and we have bought an
album for these pictures. There one can see the bare patch of ground with
the fence, then the cellar by itself, then the roof-raising party, etc.

On Sunday Trude Ohlmann was here for a day and brought her boy
with her, who is now sixteen and in the lower fifth. A passionate Nazi until
last year, he is now a fierce opponent and wants to dissociate himself from
the HJ. I asked him what repelled him. "The leaders — fellow pupils — take
more money from us for excursions than they spend. It is impossible to
check, a couple of marks always go into their pockets; I know how it's
done. I've been a leader myself. "Everyone must hand over 50 pfennigs
for tomorrow's hike ..." Then you write in the book: 2M surplus, and
hand in the 2M. But you had a surplus of 4M. One fellow, who was really
poor, a leader for some time, is now riding a motorcycle ..." — "Don't the
others notice too." — "They're so stupid," and then: "No one dares say
anything or talk to the others. Everyone is afraid of everyone else!" —
"Did the murders of last June not make an impression, the murder of his
own people?" — "No, on the contrary! Then everyone praised his
courage, it impressed them." — What manifold corruption of children!
Perhaps, probably not even the majority of these class leaders embezzles
money. But everyone is thought capable of it, everyone could do it, many
will say to themselves: If I do not do it, everyone will think that I have
done it anyway, so why not? The typical immoral acts of slaves are en-
couraged.

"Reorganization of the student body. " They congratulate themselves on
having reduced the number from 12,000 to 4,000 ("to avoid an academic
proletariat"); these 4,000 are supposed to form a "united team," live for two
semesters in "comradeship houses" and wear "standard clothing" (i.e..

SEPTEMBER 1934

89

barracks and uniform). 1,500 fraternities will no longer compete for them.
(I.e., the fraternities are being dissolved.) Now the fraternities are certainly
not places of liberal education, freedom and modernity; they are even to
blame for the fact that the National Socialists found such large support
among the students, and that they have been deceived only serves them
right, as it does the German National Party. Nevertheless at this moment
the fraternities, like the German National Party, stand for culture and free-
dom in contrast to the National Socialists. And I have the quiet hope that a
new front against the National Socialists will form among the fraternity
students. But such fronts reflect no more than disaffection. And it can take
years until there is a proper explosion. Meanwhile the emptied universities
will be "consolidated" like devalued shares. And I will be among the su-
perfluous professors to be removed, at latest by Easter.

[...]

Write the history of the modem American novel and its relations with
Europe, at the center always the problem of national psychology and what
determines it! It would be such a lovely theme! If I felt healthier, I would
arrange things thus: Until my mid-sixties I finish off my French literary
history and "The Language of Three Revolutions" and my memoirs. Then
live in America for my first year of retirement, and then this history of
American literature. But my first year of retirement will begin in 1935, and
soon after that I shall be buried.

[...]

Because we are moving I am returning mountains of books to the State
Library, which have been lying here for months, hardly any of which I
have read and which I shall have to order again later. It cannot be helped.
As it is there will be something like fifty boxes of books, and a lot of them
will end up unpacked in the loft, under the "German roof."

September 29, Saturday evening

Up since half past five. The packers did their worst here from half past
seven until almost four, and now it looks a complete mess. The moving is
supposed to take place on Monday — and yesterday there was chaos up at
the house as well.

We moved in here in January '28. The last few years were very difficult.
I bought the land on Eva's birthday in 1932, in April '33 the soil was
turned up and it was fenced, in March '34 we built the cellar, which will
now be furniture storage, without hope and possibility of continuing to
build. On June 29, our thirtieth wedding anniversary, I signed the 12,000M
contract with Ellen Wengler; construction began at the end of July.

Yesterday evening I was in such high spirits that I promised the taxi dri-
ver, who turned out to be a driving instructor, to take lessons from him in
the spring (it has become very cheap now, 74M including test), this morn-
ing there was heart trouble and depression again.

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This evening we are eating with Gusti Wieghardt, tomorrow with Blu-
menfeld.

The evening before last Walter Jelski and his "Lilo" Eggler passed
through; they will return from the Saxon Switzerland in a week's time,
and I will report on them after that.

[...]

The Voltaire chapter has advanced as far as the Pucelle poem. I am
reading aloud with delight — Buck, East Wind , West Wind. An entirely dif-
ferent tone, and yet reminiscent of the eighteenth century, of Lettres per-
sanes , but also of Rousseau (to suckle the child oneself!).

I let myself be carried along, rather I act in every respect, in my work
and the house question, as if I definitely had at least another twenty years
in front of me.

Tearing up old papers is a painful business. September '29 — letter from
a lieutenant colonel of the 10th Infantry Regiment, whether Hans Hirche
is fit to be an officer cadet. Something from the same time: a letter from a
department head in the Prussian Ministry of Education thanking me for
my report in the journal Erziehung on the teaching of Romance Languages.
And then, September '33, from the Saxon Ministry: "By submitting a cer-
tificate of award of decoration you have merely made your front-line ser-
vice probable. As a non-Aryan . . . you have four days in which to produce
evidence ..."

Dolzschen, Am Kirschberg 19

October 6, Saturday

The chaos, still only a little ameliorated, has now lasted one week. Still the
thundering work of the carpenters everywhere, of the masons, of the elec-
tricians, etc. Great exhaustion. No more possibility of working since a
week ago. Serious trouble with my heart repeatedly. Usually very de-
spondent. People's congratulations embarrass me. Rare moments of true
happiness. But despite constant fatigue and the considerable impediment
of the swollen wrist Eva flourishes in all this confusion.

These are the first lines that I have dared write here. But the bustle is far
too uncomfortable for me, and everything is in the greatest disorder and
full of noise. Most of the time I stand around idle, worn down.

Two old packers came at seven on Saturday; by four everything already
looked a complete mess in the apartment. Nevertheless, one could still
find one's way around. In the evening we ate amicably at Gusti Wieg-
hardt's, the first time since the big Christmas argument. On Sunday Eva
performed tremendous feats of selection and dismantling. I could help a
little. But also still read (Voltaire, Semiramis) and read aloud (Buck's East
Wind , West Wind) a little. At the Blumenfelds in the evening. After the
meal, the Salzburgs came, very much aged in the years since we saw them

OCTOBER 1934

91

last, with their grown-up sons; the eldest studies medicine in Rome. He
talked about Hitler's visit to Venice to meet Mussolini. Hitler had made a
long speech, Mussolini listened icily and then said, "Now we shall drink
tea." It was reported by all the newspapers and was now a household
phrase in Italy. Salzburg Sr. related as absolutely vouched-for an incident
at a performance of Don Carlos in Hamburg. At Posa's words, "Sire, allow
freedom of thought!" there were several minutes of applause. The next
day Don Carlos was dropped from every theater, including Dresden. —
Then packed trunks at home until one o'clock.

On Monday I rose at half past five. The emptying of the apartment
began at seven. I think eight men were working. Two large vans, a motor
vehicle with trailer. Filled up at eleven, there was still enough stuff for an-
other van. Eva went up to the house with the furniture movers. I remained
with the cleaning women. While the vans were on their way, there was a
thunderous downpour. When they began unloading at the house, it was
over, and then the weather held. I sat on a folding chair in the empty music
room. This occurred to me:

At this point, October 1, 1934, the move into our own house, whatever
the circumstances, whatever my feelings, however different from what I
had imagined, however bitter the memories and however great the wor-
ries— I shall one day begin my memoirs. If time is left me for them.

The furniture van came after two, to fetch the rest. Eva again cheerfully
between the men at the front. A coffee, for which cups were borrowed in
the house. Then up to the house again. This time I too came in the big van.
Then I had to go into town again. Then the men up here were finished.
Now down with Eva in a taxi. Our cats loaded. Up finally. Chaos here. Left
in the lurch by the electrician. No light, no cooking facility.

October 9, Monday/Mistake! October 8, Monday

Still chaos. I am writing at a bare desk. But still unpacked, boxes every-
where, shelves not put up, workers — chaos, chaos, chaos, no chance of
working. — I am 53 years old today. So far Eva has not remembered that it
is my birthday. Amid all this turmoil, Walter Jelski was here again, yester-
day afternoon and evening with wife and sister-in-law, alone overnight.

The first evening up here therefore alone with two cats, candlelight, a
newly bought spirit stove with unpredictable emission and treacherous
flame. Tea and ham. Early to bed. The bedclothes in a cupboard that could
not be opened. Slept on the bare mattresses. The whole of the next day un-
washed, with unbrushed teeth. The water heater in the bathroom was not
and is still not installed. We were given a rough-and-ready temporary
shower connection. I really do not know in any detail how this first week
passed. A rude dream, shot through with a few nice moments. Nice, when
one is pleased at the little house, the beautiful autumn weather, the view.
But always the crippling noise of the workers, the enforced inactivity, the

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standing around in boundless confusion, the incredible difficulty of
housekeeping in the reduced space; kitchen in the still damp cellar, the liv-
ing rooms obstructed, absent cooking facility, absent crockery, bathroom
unfinished, electric lighting incomplete. Money worries on top of that.
The necessary new expenditures ever growing. On top of that the constant
heart trouble. — Nevertheless every day sees a tiny improvement and
clarification of the situation. Perhaps I shall manage to get down to work
in the course of the coming week. Reading aloud is not going very well ei-
ther. A brief quarter of an hour in the evenings. But the ceiling light is too
bright and the proper lamp still cannot be used. — The cats cause particu-
lar difficulty. Nickelchen in particular excessively frightened. The prob-
lem of the cat boxes. First autumn rains, earth sodden, necessity of laying
a firm path.

Walter Jelski's story, as I now see it overall. He put an end to his act-
ing career a couple of years ago, found pleasure in business. He had a
post in the publicity department of the Frankfurter Zeitung, was then in
Basel. There love, cohabitation with an old friend from his acting days.
"Lilo" (Charlotte Elisabeth) Eggler. Pale, blond, quite plain but sensitive
creature, now 27 (he: 31), by birth a Russian German. Father was a pho-
tographer in Russia, she herself in business, an older sister is a
craftswoman, a brother in Munich married to the daughter of von Geyl
the conservative minister. — Walter went to Jerusalem, found a post
there as an insurance agent. Then at the beginning of this year the
mother died. The children came into an inheritance (war compensation
in blocked accounts). Now Walter and Lilo are marrying in Berlin on the
tenth as Germans living abroad, and 15,000M is released to her for Pales-
tine. In a very complicated procedure involving some dodge, since a part
of it belongs to her sister and will be given back to her in Switzerland via
Palestine, where it is required as a "capitalist certificate." Walter had
hinted at some of this from Basel and was supposed to be here with his
Lilo in September. This visit was postponed and made almost impossible
by Marta's usual tactless interference. Walter and Lilo were with us in
the Hohe Strasse shortly before the move, then went to Gohrisch. There
he got a dental abscess and appeared here on the second. We sent him to
Isakowitz and put him up for the night in the loft, under whose "Ger-
man roof" more than half our furniture is stored (waiting for further
construction work!). The next day he traveled back to Gohrisch. And
yesterday he appeared with Lilo and "Duding" (Estonian = "Little
Dove"), the older, very refined sister-in-law. A nice afternoon and evening
amid all the confusion. Meanwhile, in addition to our spirit stove, we have
a little temporary cooking plate and a little plug-in shaving-water kettle, a
little more electric light and a tiny little more space and are a quarter of the
way to establishing order. The ladies afterward went to a hotel, Walter
here until this morning.

We gave them our wedding rings (Eva's idea: I was uneasy about some-
thing so unconventional, she was not). They want simply to leave the

OCTOBER 1934

93

"Eva- Victor" 29.6.04 and have their names engraved beside it. The rings
fit them, and they slipped them on immediately. Anny Klemperer,
Berthold's widow, had sent me a check for more than a 100M so that I
could buy rings for them.

I gave them the money in cash to use for something else. I like Walter's
wife and sister-in-law and they speak well for him. It also speaks for him
that he is extremely hostile to National Socialist tendencies and would like
to return to Germany as soon as possible. His wife remains Christian.
Something of this fate is related to ours. [ . . . ]

At the university, Gehrig and Raab, the democratic political econo-
mists, received their doctorates on October 1, Raab tainted by a Jewish
wife. Spamer is to leave at Easter, he has been appointed Reich Director of
German Folk Studies. So the section is gradually, or, rather, quickly being
dismantled. I feel like Odysseus in Polyphemus's cave: "You will I eat
last." To this Blumenfeld remarked on the telephone with a comforting
quick wit: But Odysseus was not eaten, and it was Polyphemus who came
to a bad end. [ . . . ]

Language of the Third Reich: The Jelskis have frequently heard and read
as a standard abbreviation: Blubo — Blut und Boden (Blood and Soil).
[.••]

October 10, Wednesday

I have emptied a couple of drawers, put journals in boxes in the attic, in
order to make space. Now that some things are standing around opened,
the chaos is even more unbearable than before; but perhaps if the shelves
are put up today, a degree of order will be achieved. Meanwhile never
ending trouble with the electrician. He is simply unable to finish the work,
there is still no cooker, and now it turns out that he provided false infor-
mation about rates. I threatened I would claim compensation, he departed
with his staff of apprentices, and we are still sitting in something unfin-
ished.

How much of one's past comes to the surface when one clears up like
this, but what a different aspect it all has today! A metallic identity disk,
which I had to wear when I was sent to the front from Landsberg am Lech.
(After that I returned to my Munich unit.) A page from the Vossische
Zeitung: "Famous Doctors in the Field." Felix's picture. And his son is not
allowed to be a doctor because his father did not fall in battle. Thanks of
the bereaved at the passing away of "Doctor Wilhelm Klemperer." [ . . ; ]
Old calendar pages with fashions from the beginning of the century. Etc.,
etc. — I have been unable to part company with anything, everything is
safe in its coffin. I shall probably never see it again. And everything lec-
tures me about my age. And a couple of verses by Fedor Mamroth always
go through my head: "What remains of it all? Ashes, ashes, ashes."

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October 14, Sunday evening

Never ending clearing up, unpacking, repacking, arranging, dust, dust,
dust, boundless exhaustion, not out of the house all day, boxes, boxes,
boxes. On weekdays a dozen (no exaggeration!) craftsmen around us,
Sundays alone. Stink of paint, of new appliances, dust, dust, dust. Drag-
ging things up to the loft, down from the loft, back up again. Down to the
cellar, up from the cellar, back down to the cellar. It is still damp, the sugar
is a wet lump. — Especially tired this evening. But I think: The day after
tomorrow nine- tenths of the library will be on the shelves, and the last
tenth will be packed away for the loft. [ . . . ] Just to be able to work a little
again, to have a little peace. I think, I hope: on Wednesday.

The electric appliances are almost all present, the plumber almost com-
pletely finished, only painter Lehmann works and works and the costs
rise and rise. God knows how I shall pay my Iduna policy this winter.

I’1 . ...

Georg sends congratulations from New York where he is visiting his
sons. Three are now in the USA, only Otto, the physicist, is in Cambridge.
How rich Georg must be to maintain this whole family, when he himself is
retired. Wolfgang Klemperer, Felix's second, studying in New York, wrote
to me: "The largest part of the Klemperer family is now in America." He is
right: almost all the males of the next generation.

Two curious characters among our craftsmen: Trojahn the electrician,
an East Prussian, but with an Austrian temperament. Always courteous,
never reliable. Nothing right, everything too late. Yet he harms himself at
least as much as he does me. He arrives with two little apprentices, the
lads never know where the master is, the master never knows where his
boys have gone off to, etc., etc. I make the most bitter complaints, he has a
wealth of excuses, shakes everything off, is polite, makes promises and
again breaks his word. — Master painter Lehmann, over sixty, husband of
our cleaning woman. Works well, is very full of his own importance,
strong ethical tendency. Good Templar, once locked up for a couple of
weeks as an old Social Democrat, sees himself in charge of the work here,
patronizes us, feels himself to be a teacher and artist. At present on very
friendly terms with his family. But for at least two years Frau Lehmann
lamented to us how badly he was treating her, and endeavored unsuc-
cessfully to get a divorce from him at the time. [ . . . ]

The great and still dubious innovations of the house are the electric
kitchen and the central heating. The stove is still fairly intractable — now
enormous heat, now out — the hot plates take twice as long as a gas stove,
perhaps even three times. — The ground in front of our house is dissolv-
ing into slippery mud; we must lay down a firm path as soon as possible,
have ordered 4 cubic yards of cinders.

From time to time I have to go up to the parish rooms ("Heil Hitler!" —
there's no other way). From the height of the village a quite remarkable
view over the expanse of the city to the east. It is a real village, with real

OCTOBER 1934

95

farms, but the "village square" is an altogether urban affair, more like the
showpiece square of a spa.

[...]

October 17, Wednesday

Since yesterday I have my library in tolerable order. [ . . . ] But apart from
the library: It's still chaos. The problem: squeezing seven rooms into three.
The damp cellar space as kitchen — sugar, etc. always stuck together and
wet. The "dining room" next to it, the first cellar, still without fittings. So
forever up and down the 13 steps. Makes 600-800 steps a day. That
should change. The craftsmen still not finished — painter, plumber, elec-
trician. The veranda for the cats still without a railing. [ . . . ]

On top of all the lack of space and confusion there is the eternal des-
peration of lack of money. The painter in particular is eating me up at such
a rate that I do not see any possibility of fulfilling all our financial obliga-
tions in the coming months. This never ending worry is terrible. In addi-
tion the constant heart problems. — But the little house is pretty and the
view — in the changing light of the autumnal storms, downpours, play of
the sun — is magnificent.

It is still impossible to think of work. Perhaps tomorrow or the day after
tomorrow — manana. In fact I am not much inclined to the Eighteenth Cen-
tury. What really attracts me is the language of the three revolutions and
my memoirs. I doubt whether I shall write either.

I hardly get around to reading aloud: We are too tired in the evenings,
and the light is too poor — Trojahn is still not finished, the man will drive
us to despair. [ . . . ]

Today Annemarie and Dressier, the "unrespectable" Kohlers, are com-
ing for coffee and supper. We intend to put one of the two living rooms, at
least to some extent and provisionally, in order. As I write, Lehmann Sr. is
painting the doors, there is an immense amount of muck lying on the
floor, and tom paper, pieces of furniture stand higgledy-piggledy, the set-
tee standing on end. — The mystery of the central heating is still unsolved;
now frost, now heat.

I firmly resolve to continue writing on Voltaire tomorrow, even if it is
only a couple of lines.

October 21, Sunday

[...]

Now as before cramped conditions, chaos, hardly any lighting, crafts-
men still working, excessive expenditure, constant heart trouble.

Visitors come. We had Dressel and Annemarie as guests for the
evening, Blumenfelds and Frau Schaps yesterday for coffee; this afternoon

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we are expecting the Wieghardts, and for now (midday)— touching and
terrible — the Kaufmanns, about whose meanness there was the worst gos-
sip only yesterday, have announced themselves. — All of that keeps one
back and is an effort. On the other hand it gives me heart when people like
the house — but the depression is there again immediately afterward.

As for Voltaire I completed the section on epic poetry and have now fal-
tered before drama. I am paralyzed by the certainty that after completion
I shall undoubtedly have to write out this whole chapter, on which I have
been working since August 11, once again, that is, reduce it by half. But I
must have it completely finished before I undertake this reduction. I know
too much about Voltaire, too little about the others— the impudent cer-
tainty, the recklessness of my early years is missing. We are both usually
too tired in the evenings for reading aloud. [ . . . ]

October 24, Wednesday

I always face the same difficulty with my Voltaire. No matter how much
I compress it, it will still be a short book instead of a chapter. I have to let it
grow to its full size and then— God knows how— make a summary of it.

October 30, Tuesday

Language of the 3rd Reich: Newspaper headline (the day before yesterday,
Dresdener NN): "Young People experience William Tell." Experience, Ger-
man spirit + the American missing article, telegram soul. — I received a
magazine with a swastika on the cover: "The Care of the German Cat." An
essay on its usefulness by the Reich director, written in grand political
style. The cat clubs are now a Reich association; only Aryans are allowed
to join. So I shall no longer pay my monthly mark for the association here.
My Voltaire has advanced as far as the end of the drama.

November 4, Sunday evening

This morning the first heavy frost, during the day a wild autumn storm,
several showers, thick clouds, occasional bright sunlight, the distances
foreshortened In the evening I walked alone across the fields, along a
blocked-off road, still in the course of construction, up to the village. From
the top a tremendous view all around of the illuminated city and its sur-
roundings. The view from here is already fine— but only a segment,
whereas up there the entire surroundings twinkle. The storm howled as
accompaniment. On the way up, the familiar daily heart trouble again, the
ever present reminder.

NOVEMBER 1934

97

Work on Voltaire laid aside since yesterday, lecture preparation. The
historical introduction to Dante raises difficulties, and it no longer gives
me any pleasure to compile things on which others have done the work
and which I know only superficially or not at all. I also had first of all to
find my way back into the French lecture course. I am beginning with Pas-
cal and want to move swiftly to the eighteenth century. For the seminar I
have prescribed a most inadequate school edition of Voltaire's little nov-
els. The big texts are not available, the small ones are castrated. — How
many students? I have put up a notice— in the office of the Romance Lan-
guages Department.

There we sit, the three of us, myself included.

On Wednesday — I was standing unshaven in the garden — the old oph-
thalmologist and spectacle lens researcher Professor von Pflugk greeted
me from the street. He was passing by chance with his wife. We brought
them in, showed off the little house. Refreshingly, he inveighed against the
National Socialists. Even more refreshing was his declaration: All his pa-
tients, from the most various circles, are as incensed as he. He no longer
believes it will last long. That helps for a moment, but only for a moment.

November 7, Wednesday

On Monday, curiously enough, six students at the French lecture and six
at the class. The three from the PI were joined by three auditors. A Catholic
theologian and two girls (one of them had attended last winter; she asked
after Georg, who had treated a relative). It is not easy to talk about Pascal,
Bossuet and Voltaire in front of a Catholic theologian. I allowed myself to
be carried away by some fairly dangerous allusions. On Encyclopedic
style, of the hangman of burned books, the Bastille.

Dante was supposed to begin yesterday. I fought a migraine all day,
which finally became overpowering. [ . . . ] I began to dress at half past
five and literally felt too sick to continue. I had Frau Lehmann telephone
the janitor and call off the class. The first time in fourteen years in Dresden
that I have canceled because of illness. I went to bed and slept till half past
nine. Afterward a little slow walk with Eva and then read Hemingway
aloud to the end till after twelve.

Today also, health very poor. My eyes failing. Probably a slight temper-
ature as well. Stomach terrible.

In addition the appalling misery of money worries. Exhausted reserves,
constant incidental expenses, the work on the house, visitors — every mark
a torment. The cats eat 1.30M worth of veal a day. Tomorrow the young
Jelskis will be here again, on their return journey. The day after tomorrow
the Blumenfelds. Wine bill, butcher's bill— small sums, but they add up.
And Eva does not cut down on the work being carried out in house and
garden. It must be done; I am too anxious. Everything "has always

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worked out." A "voluntary" 20 percent of income tax is squeezed out of
me for Winter Aid. With that my monthly salary falls below 800M. I shall
have to suspend my insurance policy.

Horror and exhaustion often have me so much by the throat that they
are counterbalanced only by horror of the grave.

Not a line of Voltaire since Friday.

November 9

"Day of Mourning for the fallen of the NSDAP. The Party and public
buildings will fly flags at half mast. The public are called upon to do like-
wise." I see with pleasure that in our neighborhood a good half of the
houses are without flags. So I could also hold back our flag. (Bought at the
beginning of October in Reka. "Do you have any flags?" — "Yes, but only
black-white-red ones." flews are not allowed to sell the other, holy one)—
"Of course, that will do for me." — "How large?" "On no account too
large. Except not so small that it is conspicuous.")

November 20, Tuesday

Only in the French lecture am I truly in my element. I patch the Italian to-
gether without any basic knowledge. Today again on the Sicilian school of
poets. — Neither the French nor the Italian lecture give me any pleasure.
Yesterday the six Frenchmen were only four, and I have two Italians. How
much longer?

Health very poor. Always heart trouble, often migraines, at the moment
probably a bit of influenza.

Eva ill a lot, hence increased housework. — Voltaire still not finished.

On Wednesday, November 14, the swearing of the oath: "Loyalty to the
Fiihrer and Chancellor of the Reich Adolf Hitler." About 100 people; the sec-
ond group. I was "not present" at the first oath-taking during the holidays,
in the hope of perhaps avoiding it altogether. It was not to be. The ceremony,
cold and formal as possible, lasted less than two minutes. We spoke the
words in chorus after the rector, who had first of all reeled off: "You swear
eternal loyalty; I am duty bound, to draw your attention to the sanctity of the
oath." And afterward: "You must put your signature to the oath on a
printed form." And: "I conclude with a triple Sieg Heil." He shouted
"Sieg" — and the chorus bellowed "Heil!" and crowded toward the forms.
Among those who swore were Janentzky, Kuhn, Stepun, Beger . . . They are
as good National Socialists as I am. A week before (Lettres provinciates) I had
spoken about the reservatio mentalis and taken the part of the Jesuits. [ • • • ]
Sickening was: A beadle calls out: "His magnificence, the Lord Rector!"
Everyone stands at attention as on a barracks square. The rector, a younger
man (Kirschmer, appointed by the government for two years), hurries to the

NOVEMBER 1934

99

lectern, stretches out his arm; everyone raises his arm. Everyone remains in
this position for several seconds. Then, in a military tone: "The gentlemen
may be seated." Leadership principle — "At ease!"

In my lecture (French) a theologian, a woman schoolteacher, whom I have
allowed to attend as guest, since otherwise she would have to pay 25M. I
had not caught the names of either. I had seen them together several times,
and when the theologian was absent yesterday, I asked the teacher who the
gentleman was. Answer: Baum, the former lecturer in Catholic theology, but
now kicked out, who now wants to take an examination in French. The
teacher spoke with dismay about the new state of affairs, / was fairly open
and private, she said I must be very certain of my students, otherwise I was
being very incautious in my lectures. Then: "Who among the professors is a
National Socialist, after all? Very few, I think. My brother is in the Party, has
been for a long time— but it's a battle for him." — "So he wants to get on in
the world?" She retracted, a little confused: That was not what she had
meant, she does not know his views. I asked her brother 7s name: Professor
Alt, meteorologist. I was indeed somewhat dismayed. If she tells her
brother^. . . But how it separates brother and sister, tears families apart.

On Sunday there came for afternoon coffee: Trude Ohlmann from her
sanatorium, Fraulein Mey, Fraulein Roth, the librarian. All embittered, all
convinced that it is coming to an end, each one knows of jokes, rumors
and preparations. In the open land near Flellerau the mailmen are learn-
ing how to throw hand grenades.

November 21, Wednesday

[..]

Walter Jelski was here from the eighth to the thirteenth. His wife was ill
in Berlin, then came to join him; the pair had an argument at the railway
station and she did not appear until evening, upset and tearful, regained
her spirits here and remained for one day with him. I like her more than
him. I think she will suffer a lot. I have no confidence in him. An unprin-
cipled egoist. He borrowed 25M from me. "We don't need more than ten,
we 11 send the rest back at the border." Not a penny came, of course. They
are now in Basel. Their money is in Jerusalem— their money is his wife's
money— friends are expected to help out until money is transferred from
Palestine. He angrily castigates the Berlin relatives, in particular Wally.

November 25, Sunday

[...]

Since about two months ago, at Blumenfeld's recommendation, I bor-
row our books for reading aloud from Jahn & Jentsch. Raab, whom I once

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met there, introduced me to the lender. He has rented the first floor of the
bookstore, carries on his business here and in Czechoslovakia. A man
probably approaching fifty, Bulgarian, resident in Germany for twenty-
seven years ( not Jewish, I believe), correspondent for Bulgarian newspa-
pers. Like a film character with his graying goatee. Natscheff told me he
had been ordered out of the country two months ago. Yet he had written
no "horror stories," only sober economic reports. He had gone to his am-
bassador. In Bulgaria there are German secondary schools and many
teachers from Germany. The Bulgarian government had threatened it
would answer Natscheff's expulsion with the expulsion of 200 German
teachers. Natscheff had thereupon been left in peace in Germany. [ • • ]
All around us, however, there are more and more rumors and signs of
an approaching outbreak of war. The Mark couple was here on the Day of
Atonement (Dember's loyal friends, old Social Democrats). Mark related
that his machine tool factory (saws) could not keep up with all the orders,
the Dohlen plant was working three shifts producing "bottles" (shells and
gas shells). Similar news on all sides.

December 4, Tuesday

My French lectures are good and also give me ideas for my book. The Ital-
ian ones are rubbish, cobbled together from Gaspary, without knowledge
and without interest. That takes care of Sunday, Monday and Tuesday. I
now have five students in the French lecture, three in the seminar and two
auditors in the Italian lecture, of whom one was ill recently.

On Saturday I completed the penultimate Voltaire section; I shall man-
age the short conclusion this week. A small book in almost four months.
How much of it can go into the Literary History I do not know yet.

The hope of an imminent change has been followed once more by
gloomy and desperate waiting.

Eva is feeling better, she is faring remarkably well with the lengthy den-
tal treatment. These long journeys into town are almost a stimulation, she
likes Isakowitz— I am always in the treatment room. (Dentist— house-
work, housework, housework— lectures— is it any wonder that Voltaire is
taking so long?)

My own health poor; heart trouble, eye trouble, exhaustion and the
many worries, especially money worries. I shall not be able to pay my life
insurance in January.

We had visitors fairly frequently (usually in the afternoon to see the
house, only Gusti Wieghardt and Karl in the evening), for example, the
builder and his wife, Fraulein Carlo, Fraulein Mey and Fraulein Roth,
the librarian; we were out a couple of times ourselves, at the Wieghardts,
at the young Kohlers. Gusti had an SPD newspaper, tissue paper, 5 pt.
type dispatched in a pink oblong envelope, perfumed and addressed by
hand, so that it felt, looked and smelled like publicity for a drugstore.

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101

Eva works in the garden a great deal, and it agrees with her. I divide my
day between Voltaire and the most urgent money worries.

A happy letter from Walter Jelski in Basel: They have gotten their travel
money at last and are sailing for twenty-two days by freighter from Rot-
terdam to Haifa.

December 16, Sunday

For a moment it seemed as if Hitler would not last past the Saar Plebiscite
(January 13), perhaps not even past Christmas. Now the tension has gone
out of the Saar affair, to Germany's advantage, and Hitler is firmly in the
saddle again. It is hard not to despair. But the strong, general disaffection
is still there.

I call the park hill, which I climb almost every day from the city to us,
my Catholic mountain. I always walk slowly, breathing heavily, often in
pain, never without the question: How many times more?

The Voltaire is finished, the rest of the Eighteenth Century lies darkly
before me. Money worries, domestic labors unchanged.

Very mild weather, so that Eva is constantly working in the garden. She
has recently been suffering a great deal from influenza, so it was especially
good for her. Her dental treatment has been interrupted for the moment,
is endlessly drawn out. It will cost hundreds; I have no idea where I shall
scrape the money together. [ . . . ]

Language of the 3rd Reich: The never ending wine offers rarely conclude
with "Heil Hitler," usually "with German greeting." It is a discreet way of
hinting at the German National views that they take for granted among
their clients, professors and senior civil servants. On December 7 an offer
by the "Ferd. Piero th'schen Wine Estates Management Burg Lagen bei
Bingen am Rhein" concludes "Yours most respectfully." That is a heroic
deed and a first swallow. [ . . . ]

Encyclopedic style from the other side, alias pure extortion under a veil
of courtesy: (a) Approximately one year ago, the Reich teachers' organiza-
tion requested precise details about Aryan status, position in SA, SS, etc.
That manifestly applied only to members of the organization, and the sec-
retary's office of the TU also thought I did not need to reply to it. Now a
very courteous reminder arrives. To be completed within five days, other-
wise we would be grateful for reasons for non-completion. Evidently
there must be some misunderstanding, "since we would not assume that
you as a civil servant and educator of young people would consciously
wish to set yourself against National Socialist reconstruction." — (I filled it
out, and enclosed a passport photograph I had had taken. The TU secre-
tary's office passed it on, and wrote that it assumed responsibility for my
silence. That was very helpful of Lehmann and shows how seriously he
took the threat.) (b) "An appeal to the inhabitants of Dolzschen" was in

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the mailbox a week ago. Aimed, very communistically, at the "senior civil
servants" who think they have done enough if they have the Winter Aid
badge (23 percent of income tax!), who on "hotpot day . . . have the maid"
give 50 pfennigs, while the "smell of roast goose" comes from their
kitchen, who think themselves "too smart and too good" to attend the
meetings and events of the party of state, the NSDAP, and absorb at least
a few crumbs of National Socialist ideology. This was contrasted with ex-
amples of the dutiful behavior of poor people. Then it continued: "Na-
tional comrades of Dolzschen, those are sacrifices! The former, however,
are nothing but miserable, pathetic alms! Therefore remember your duty
to the national community, so that the charge of being a stranger to the
people does not, for you, turn into the accusation of causing the people
mischief!" Signed by the chairman of the local party group and of Winter
Aid here.

December 30, Sunday

Still no snow and frost, only rarely rain all day. Eva works for hours in the
garden almost every day. It's good for her, although she has become very
thin. She even seems to find the endless dental treatment bearable now.
(When will the man get his money?)

We have a lot of visitors, usually for afternoon coffee. Wieghardts. — Af-
ter a very long interval, Hirche father and son. The lad, already a senior of-
ficer cadet, will be promoted to lieutenant in April. It sounds like a fairy
tale, but / recommended him to the Reichswehr. I had suspected the par-
ents of avoiding us out of fear. But it seems to have been more shame. I
have known the man in his rise and glory, then in his plans to set up on his
own. Now he has a minor, temporary post in some foreign exchange office
and earns 280M gross a month. — Then Wengler was here. — Then Kuhn
and his unemployed brother-in-law Komer. Then after a gap of something
like six years (the last time in Heringsdorf!) Erika Dreyfuss-Ballin turned
up. Her brother Otto Ballin has got himself married in Durban; she pre-
sented his brother-in-law. Dr. Koblenz, a young chemist, lecturer at the
University of Durban, father Russian Jew, mother German Jew, both emi-
grated first to Canada, then to South Africa. A very likable man, who has
studied in Germany for two years and is now going back. It turned out
that he is very interested in my field, attended many of Vossler's lectures
in Munich and is very familiar with his work. He said Vossler was rather
feared by his students, not much liked. He had aged considerably in the
last year, and it had been thought he would have to leave.

We talk about politics to all these people. Only Eva is optimistic, I make
an effort to be so. But everyone has the feeling that now, immediately after
the Saar Plebiscite, "something is going to happen." Perhaps some gov-
ernment action, June 30 da capo (people say "Reich murder week"), per-
haps a move from the Right or from the Left (cioe from the SA). Perhaps

DECEMBER 1934

103

Hitler will be maintained by the Reichswehr and become its tool com-
pletely. No one feels certain of his own opinion. Everyone feels a need to
exchange opinions, because nothing at all can be learned from the news-
papers anymore. Most repulsive to me is the specific Jewish pessimism
with its self-satisfied composure, the ghetto spirit reawakened. They're
kicking us, that's just how it is. If we can just get on with business and if
there's no pogrom. Rather Hitler than someone worse! An evening at Frau
Schaps recently was very bad in this respect. And the Blumenfelds are in
their element here, think the same way.

[•;.]

Kuhn too says: "Who will it be, if Hitler is murdered?" He simply can
no longer imagine anyone else, government without dictatorship. And of
course a dictatorship would indeed be necessary during the time that con-
stitutional organs of government were reestablished. Too complex. The
belief in the stupidity of the people is spreading everywhere. — Kiihn
said, the National Socialists had undoubtedly done some good. I: The
most terrible thing about them was that even the good they do is befouled
by their mendacity. He agreed completely with that.

One of the two women in the Dante lectures, a private student eager for
self-improvement: "My brother in the SS ..." — "What is your brother's
profession?" — "None at all yet, he's a fifth former at Vitzthum Grammar
School And why the SS?" — "He has to be part of something, every
Tom, Dick and Harry is in the HJ, so in his mounted section he has his own
horse and learns how to ride." — "Is his heart in it?" — "Not a bit of
it . . . but he has to. Now they have been ordered not to go to church in
groups. If at all, then individually, if they really want to."

It was really nice here on the twenty-fourth. The little tree had its elec-
tric lights in our own house for the first time (...) Eva got a black car-
penter's hammer, a big pair of pliers, two angle bevels and ten hyacinth
bulbs. The Wieghardts were here, and Karl had composed some "Cafe
Music" for her, whose theme was made up of the sequence C.A.F.E.

On the first day of the holiday we ate at the station in the evening,
walked a little down the Prager Strasse and returned on the F bus, which,
fortunately for us, has been running between Nausslitz and the Neu-
stadtische railway station since November 1. (So at least we no longer
have the inordinate cost of the taxis.) — (Coming from the dentist,
Isakowitz often takes us part of the way in his own car. We are usually
there at half past twelve, Eva then has something light to eat in town, we
perhaps do some shopping and then back for coffee. A regular arrange-
ment, twice a week.)

Of the Eighteenth Century I completed, accompanied by many depres-
sions, the eight pages "Paths to Voltaire: 1. Non-classical elements in the
seventeenth century." If the snail continues to crawl along like this, I shall
be working on this volume for years.

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L • • • J

What did 1934 bring me?

The little house with much pleasure and many cares. — Eva's largely
improved state of mind. — A stronger feeling of my own approaching
death, of considerable aging. — The first 72 pages of my Eighteenth Cen-
tury, before that the Delille study. — The unspeakable pressure and repul-
siveness of the continuing swastika regime.

In the summer I also wrote eight reviews for the DLZ, of which only
one was returned because its author has a post in the Ministry and must
not be censured.

On the plus side of the year, I must not forget that I was rid of the bur-
den of the Hueber case. Admittedly that meant only a pause in my money
worries; at the moment I am not in a position to pay the Iduna policy in
January.

As to my memoirs: How I learned to cycle, it must have been about 97,
and was supposed to show Georg what I can do. How I forgot to loosen
the tightly screwed handlebars and immediately fell onto the roadway.
How Georg was appalled. Characteristic of my lack of presence of mind
and Georg's lack of psychological sense. — Now I would so much like to
learn to drive (and Eva would so much like me to do it). I will have even
less presence of mind now than I did then, in addition a failing heart. On
the other hand, later oh I was for years quite a passable cyclist.

I see that in the summary of the previous year (which is in fact much
gloomier than this one) I praised our little tomcats. That must be done
here also.

1935

'

January 1, Tuesday, toward evening

Yesterday at Gusti Wieghardt's was nice in that she repeatedly expressed
with unshakable certainty that this will be Hitler's last year. During the
day I managed a successful page on the Querelle chinoise. [ . . . ] this af-
ternoon I was paralyzed by tiredness and the deadly-dull visit of the Carlo
woman.

Language tertii imperii: Lutze's New Year message to the SA, Encyclope-
dically concealed threat to the SA. — Our "fanatical will" twice in a non-
pejorative sense. Emphasis on believing without understanding. (1) "fanatical
engagement of the SA/' (2) "fanatical sense of commitment."

January 9, Wednesday

Private and general situation coming to a head. On January 3 Blumenfeld
asked to resign "voluntarily" from his teaching post, otherwise the autho-
rization to teach at the university would have to be withdrawn from him.
His subject is an "ideological" one, ergo . . . Blumenfeld put on record that
he teaches psychology in an entirely scientific way . . . Yes, but the Reich
Governor sees the matter differently and is making the decision. Blumen-
feld will probably resign "voluntarily," because otherwise his pension
would be reduced (which of course no one says — but . . .). Blumenfeld
was already retired as lecturer and instructor of the PI a year ago. Blu-
menfeld always has the financial security of the family brickworks and no
doubt also means of his own. I on the other hand . . .

On January 4 a decree from Reich Minister Rust: The semester ends on
February 15, the next begins on the first of the fourth [April] without "new
matriculations" and lectures for the first semesters. I still have three regu-
lar students from the PI (apart from that only, all in all, four to five audi-
tors). The three take their final examinations at Easter. So from Easter I
shall have no more students and have to retire, i.e., be reduced from 800M
to 400. But even now I can hardly meet my obligations; the life insurance
must remain unpaid, and when on earth Isakowitz will see his money is
quite uncertain. So how to keep going with half an income? Impossible to
discuss anything with Eva, to complain to her about all of it. Her nerves
are failing her completely again. Warning results in hiccups, nausea, etc.,
etc. — Now only fate can help us.

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Perhaps it will help us. While our Jewish people are completely pes-
simistic and in the press everything looks wonderful, we hear something
very different through Annemarie and Gusti Wieghardt from Swiss and
English newspapers and foreign radio. According to them SS men have
been shot, there was a clash between Reichswehr and SS in Magdeburg,
Hitler is completely in the hands of the Reichswehr, nor do things look
particularly good for Germany in the Saar, the government, in its present
form at least, will soon be finished.

I live quite fatalistically from day to day. I gave my lecture after the hol-
idays to three people (those three), the seminar to one, the Dante lecture to
the two female auditors. It is altogether wretched. Yet this business takes
three full days from my writing. And then on Wednesday so much weari-
ness and odds and ends have collected that this day too is lost. So my opus
makes a listless and hopeless snail-like progress.

We had these visitors here: on the fourth, the four "respectable" Koh-
lers; on the fifth, Alexis Dember who is taking a doctorate in physics in
Prague; on the sixth, after a very long gap, Annemarie. She spoke with
particular vehemence about the compulsory sterilizations, which are also
often carried out where they are unnecessary and uncalled for. — The Blu-
menfelds are to eat with us today.

January 15, Tuesday

In the last few days a certain improvement in mood. The situation was not
"supposed" to be looking good for Hitler in the Saar, everything was
"supposed" to be ready for an internal takeover by the Reichswehr. "Poli-
tiken" talked about a 40 percent vote for the status quo, Gusti was hope-
ful, Natscheff said "they" were "very nervous" in Berlin. The plebiscite
was on the thirteenth, yesterday our press was already celebrating com-
plete victory, and today — the result on every radio station at eight o'clock
in the morning — 90.5 percent of all votes, approximately 475,000, for Ger-
many, 45,000 for the status quo, 2,000 for France. And the government here
is triumphant, and we hang out our black-white-red "Jews' flag," i.e., tie it
to a clothespole, which in turn is tied to the railing of the front veranda,
and my Dante lecture is canceled, and once more I have been lulling my-
self with pipe dreams (recently to Natscheff: "Anyone who is German will
vote for the status quo") and am deeply depressed. My own head is now
very much on the line. The semester ends on February 15, the next, which
begins on April 1, bars new matriculations. I shall have no more students
and be discharged.

Even now I can no longer pay what has to be paid, the problems become
greater every day — what will it be like when I receive 400M instead of 800?

The Wieghardts were here on Sunday afternoon and evening; we drank
two bottles of wine, had the phonograph on — the old "hits" of free Re-
publican days — luxuriated in hopes.

FEBRUARY 1935

109

Today the man seems ineradicable again and the dirty slavery com-
pletely accords with Germany and really suits 90 percent of all Germans.

For the past week, for the first time this year, we have mild, but proper
winter weather, beautiful snowy landscape, but Eva is greatly impeded.
[...]

At the moment I am most oppressed by the quite undignified lack of
money. I do not know how we are to get through to the next payday.
[...]

January 16, Wednesday

Isakowitz — after the treatment it is by now usual for him to drive us in his
car to the station, where Eva has soup, today after the removal of her
bridge fairly toothless — again expressed the mood of Jewry, and today, in
fact, my own also. Deepest depression, even deeper than in August at
Hindenburg's death. The 90 percent vote in the Saar is really not only a
vote for Germany, but literally for Hitler's Germany. Goebbels is surely
right in that. After all there was no lack of information, counterpropa-
ganda, free ballot. Presumably, when we talk about disaffection, we take
our pipe dreams for truth and utterly overestimate the actual opposition.
In the Reich too 90 percent want the Fiihrer and servitude and the death of
scholarship, of thought, of the spirit, of the Jews. I said: Let's wait and see,
whether, now that foreign policy is no longer important, the turn to the
Right begins. I shall not admit defeat before Easter. But I do not believe my
own words.

And every day the money problems get worse. Today an exorbitant
electricity bill. The electrical appliances are disappointing. Cooking goes
at a snail's pace and costs far too much: The 15M by which my highest es-
timate is exceeded, can no longer be found. I have collected a few com-
memorative medals, five- and three-mark pieces, in the last few years.
These will presumably now be put to use. And then? And how on earth,
once I have retired?

February 2, Saturday evening

On Wednesday, January 30, Eva had to have a root removed under anes-
thetic. I find it frightful to watch as she is sent to sleep and is unconscious,
whereas she prefers it and finds local anesthetic ineffective. I have to look
on every couple of years and am always happy when it is over and done
with. What use is the calculation that there is only one fatality per 100,000
anesthetizations? Who can give me a guarantee that the black lot will not
be drawn here? — Today, on leaving, Eva smoked a cigarette to the end
outside the dentist's door. So we arrived a moment later than usual at the
stop on Albert Platz, where there is a flimsy wood and cardboard con-

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struction advertising Winter Aid. A strong west wind has been blowing
uninterruptedly since yesterday. As we are three steps away from it, the
column sways and falls. The large group of waiting people scatters, two
elderly people, a man and a woman, are struck and lie beneath it. The old
man, his face red, screams — perhaps a seizure, certainly shock — and is
pulled out and carried away, the lady limps pitifully and is led away to a
car. It could have happened to us too. The black lot can be drawn any-
where. Fate? — Next week the three months of treatment and bridge work
should come to an end. Deliverance for both of us. I have had to devote
half a day twice a week to it. In addition the constant domestic burden and
the misery of the lectures: so that this week I have been able to work un-
interruptedly at my Eighteenth Century only on the Friday. I have dealt
with Saint-Evremond; after more than six months writing, therefore, I am
still at the beginning.

February 7, Wednesday

After three months, Eva's bridgework was completed at the dentist today
and she is now in a bad way. It cost me an excessive amount of time.
(About one day a week remained really free for the Eighteenth Century.)
Costs: Against 600M I have promised monthly payments of 50M. I am now
so weighed down by part payments that it is sheer misery getting from
one salary payment to the next. I shall have to suspend the life insurance.
I shall take advice from Rummel tomorrow as to how that can be managed
with the least harm. But I fear the harm will be considerable. I suffer very
greatly from this constantly increasing, undignified pressure of lack of
money. My shirts, socks, collars are wearing out, my only suit is wearing
thin — there is literally no money for replacements. Etc. for all the everyday
things. And every day the burden of being a maid, every day the warning
of shortage of breath and heart trouble, every day the worry of being
forced into retirement. — And every day the Hitler government is more
firmly established internationally and therefore more secure at home.
These must be the saddest days of my life. In the past when I felt bad, I had
the future to look forward to. Now I often think I am unable to go on.

The lectures have dragged on in front of two, three people and are to
conclude next week. Yet they have repeatedly, especially the Dante,
caused me time-consuming difficulties.

On January 28 we were at the Blumenfelds in the evening. He has an
offer to go to Lima as an industrial psychologist, and will no doubt accept
it. Then we shall be even lonelier here than before. I envy him. I am so ag-
onizingly helpless. Because I am a modem philologist who cannot speak
any foreign languages. My French is completely rusty, I am afraid to write
or speak even a single sentence. My Italian never counted for much. And
as for my Spanish. I can do nothing useful.

On the twenty-sixth we spent a very pleasant evening with Annemarie

FEBRUARY 1935

111

in Heidenau. — On the twenty-fourth (a very great rarity now) we went to
the cinema. A Kiepura film (My Heart Is Calling ), music and content poorer
than his other films, nevertheless very nice. I am so starved of music. At
the Blumenfelds we now always listen to good phonograph records;
lately, when the Wieghardts are here, Eva sometimes even has our old hit
records put on. These tangos and nigger songs and other international and
exotic things from the years of the Republic now have historical value and
fill me with emotion and anger. There is freedom in them, a sense of the
world. In those days we were free and European and decent. Now — [ . . . ]

February 9, Saturday evening

Today authorization to teach at the university was withdrawn from Blu-
menfeld without explanation. Max Liebermann died today and gets a kick
at funeral oration. Overrated rationalistic and French art. National Social-
ism has got rid of it.

Today Goering is on a " state visit." Instruction: All public buildings are
to fly flags for three(!) days until Monday evening; the population is re-
quested . . . That is printed only today in the Dresdener NN. I see many
flags in the streets, but few here. If the whole street puts out flags tomor-
row, I shall also have to do so.

Recent instruction, no, "advice" from the Reich Ministry to law stu-
dents. Not all universities can be reformed at once. The storm troops of
National Socialism in German law were the law faculties of Breslau,
Konigsberg and — I think — Kiel. So "advice" to study there. Apart from
that a young lecturer is now allowed to hold the same lecture at the same
time as the professor and the student "is free to" . . . The young lecturer is
of course an NSDAP man.

[...]

Gusti Wieghardt's sister Maria Lazar was here for a couple of days. We
were at Schrammstein Strasse last Sunday; they were our guests on
Wednesday. Maria Lazar lives in Denmark in Karen Michaelis' house, her
Liitti goes to school there, she herself is a respected author (of Communist-
Socialist tendency); her pacifist play The Fog ofDiibeln (a town poisoned by
gas) has been performed in London and Copenhagen. Gusti Wieghardt's
Sally Pencil and Little Theater of the Godless have been printed in Moscow.

February 10, Sunday evening

After five we set out for an hour at the Blumenfelds. Crowds at Lobtauer
Strasse, bus stops, holdup. Street cordoned off: Goering is going to pass
through. The order came by motorcycle about ten minutes ago. The traffic
was jammed for about a quarter of an hour, then the road was opened
again. The conductor told us: The same thing happened earlier in the af-

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temoon, and he didn't come then either. — That is how the man is pro-
tected, in boundless fear. Presumably he takes a route that has not been
announced. But in the newspaper: "unbounded joy of the populace."

The Blumenfelds were in low spirits. At all events they want to be away
from here by July 1. To Berlin or Lima. They are considering what to do
with their "small amount of wealth," how many thousand marks they
keep as ready cash. I said, "What do you know about money worries!"

I live like a day laborer now. My salary brings in less than 800M net, al-
most 400 go to fixed installment payments, the remainder must last.

Began Fontenelle yesterday [ . . . ] Today ghastly torment with Paradiso.

February 13, Wednesday — yesterday anniversary of Father's death

[...]

The lending library man Natscheff angrily showed me a list of books
that he has to hand over without compensation. Things that have been
cleared by the censors but are not "for the people." For example: Heming-
way, A Farewell to Arms , probably too pacifist; all of Wassermann, too
Jewish-intellectual no doubt; Roth, the Austrian officer novel from
Solferino to the World War — I can't remember the name. Maria Lazar
made an amusing remark about this work. She said: The man knows his
Galician ghetto, but he does not have a clue about Austrian aristocrats and
officers. Proof: The General has beef for his Sunday roast. But that is an al-
most plebeian everyday meal and never a Sunday dish.

I have worked hard all day on a survey of the last ten cantos of Paradiso.
I want to offer it to my two faithful girls up here on Saturday afternoon,
since I have officially concluded the semester at the TU. How much study
was necessary, in order to really penetrate these cantos! Study of theology.
I have already written and talked about Dante so often and still know so
little about him.

Now I have about six uninterrupted weeks for the Eighteenth Century
in front of me. But how many hours every day? Nothing I have done has
ever gone as slowly as this book.

I cannot decide whether to go into the Galsworthy trilogy here. And yet
it would be well worthwhile. Somewhere inside me there is always a wild
hope that some time in my later years I shall manage to get around to a
proper work in the Anglo-American field. Galsworthy is so interesting for
me because of his conscious and unconscious contributions to national
psychology. The somewhat distanced regard for the Americans, who get
on his nerves; the implicit aversion to the French, who, for him, can do too
much and have too little feeling (Fleur); the repeatedly emphasized plea-
sure in the English feeling for landscape, in English irrationalism and in
English stoicism — feelings are not expressed and evening dress for dinner
is a good thing.

FEBRUARY 1935

113

Also exceptionally useful to me is the second part of Morath, which I am
now reading aloud. A discussion of National Socialism at a very high
level: individual against mass, [ . . . ] Europe against city-state, intellect
against blood. In addition the excellent description of the debased colonial
Germans in Argentina and of the primitive, but in fact more decent, state
of mind of the criollos. [ . . . ]

February 21, Thursday morning

(completely springlike since yesterday!)

[...]

The work stands at Bayle.

[ . . . ] I ended the semester on February 15. With my two Dante girls I
started from Saturn in the Paradiso. I invited them out here for coffee last
Saturday; after coffee they got a serious closing lecture. One of them,
Winkler, humble origins (father a senior paymaster in the Reichswehr),
engaged to a theologian in the "Confessional Front." — The other, Hilde-
brandt, I was already acquainted with from previous semesters, daughter
of a very wealthy industrialist in Niedersedlitz, brother with his own
horse in the SS cavalry, in order to avoid the "Communist HJ" — he is a
fifth former! — sister is studying art history in Berlin and wins prizes in
equestrian contests. "My" Miss Hildebrandt, who makes a very modest
middle-class impression, drove here in her own car and brought the
Winkler girl with her. The day before yesterday she came in her car again
with her sister, who makes a somewhat more fashionable and ironical im-
pression, and brought, as thanks for the Dante lecture, a hare that her
father had shot. — The girls are completely anti-Nazi. But when the con-
versation turned to two young aristocratic women who have just been ex-
ecuted in Berlin for espionage (for Poland, our friend!), they thought there
was nothing at all wrong with that. They did not ask questions about the
difference between martial law and peacetime law, about the protection of
a public trial, etc. The sense of justice is being lost everywhere in Germany,
is being systematically destroyed.

On Saturday evening we were at the Kohlers. The big Goering rally
had taken place in their neighborhood (tram depot Waltherstrasse). It
had been very quiet, they had noticed nothing of the cheering and the
crowds of the newspaper reports. The Hildebrandt girl told us that
Prager Strasse had been guarded by police with slung carbines; but some-
where someone had nevertheless shouted: "The Commune still lives!"
Gusti Wieghardt, whom we visited on February 17, talked about arrests
at the station and of the nocturnal activities of Communist "painting
gangs." — But what good does it all do? Everyone keeps his head down,
and the government is firmly in control and celebrates its foreign policy
successes.

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February 27, Wednesday

[...]

My Bayle section finished yesterday. It really is a complete success. But
I am working without any hope.

[..•]

Early spring days. While Eva and Karl were working in the garden, a
long walk with Gusti Wieghardt, on which we went astray, out until long
after dark, the city below us, somewhere up beyond Dolzschen village,
ending up at Rosstal. Beautiful, almost romantic. But about three weeks
ago I fell on some black ice in the park and pulled something in my left leg
and since then I have been plagued and hampered by pain. The lack of
money, the worry, the deep bitterness in politics unchanged.

[...]

They are trying German names of the months. Old German "Homung"
for February. The French Revolution at least invented names of its own.

Spent a long time today in the catalog room making applications for the
next section. At home only the notes to Bayle. Read a little Hoche aloud.
Emphatic advocate of freedom of scholarship. At the boundary of Ency-
clopedic and free style.

Eva has gone to bed early. Her nerves failed her once again, which man-
ifests itself in her shivering with cold in the evenings with her teeth really
chattering.

For myself the walk up through the park is always Passion and reminder.

March 4 (frost and snow, more wintry than for a long time)

[...]

I discovered Dubos on my own from the first edition of his esthetics.
Typical of our State Library, it has this first edition, but not a single mono-
graph from the nineteenth and twentieth centuries about Dubos. I shall be
able to write very well about Dubos on my own and hazard a very bold
comparison with Muralt. But I must nevertheless see what has already
been written about Dubos. I shall order from Berlin and if necessary make
additions later. Questioning fate: How long will my Eighteenth Century
be? (I no longer really believe in the two volumes of the contract — in any
case the contract hardly exists anymore.) When will it be finished? Who
will publish it? — But in the face of all the questions: What I am writing
will be good.

That I only get to know Dubos now, who publishes the whole of Mon-
tesquieu's climatic theory in 1719! Which is so important to the last books
of the Esprit des Loisl

I feel a little ashamed of myself. But I would never have written my fine
Montesquieu with such momentum if in 1914 1 had already been the cunc-
tator of 1934.

MARCH 1935

115

On the evening of the first at Gusti Wieghardt's. On the second at the
Wenglers for the afternoon and for an evening snack until almost eight
o'clock. They live comfortably. He has a receptive nature, teaches, is schol-
arly and has no personal ambition. They are enviably well-to-do. At Easter
he is going on a trip to Italy, she is going on a guided tour of the USA. I am
a little envious. A young colleague of his was there with his parents. The
people obviously anti-Nazi, but infinitely timid and reserved. The general
political mood: a dull yielding, a despondent waiting without hope.

Eva coined a good phrase. The program for the Saar celebration ("Home-
coming" on April 1) was laid down in every detail. Then on the day itself
the announcement: At such and such a time the Fiihrer "has unexpectedly
arrived at Saarbriicken city boundary." Radio let it be known, he is flying to
Frankfurt, proceeding from there . . . then he landed in Mannheim and
transferred to car. — So Eva said: "The Czar would have been ashamed of
himself!" Of course lengthy home and foreign reports on the tremendous
popular jubilation, the enthusiasm, etc. And: "Adolf Hitler in person is
bringing the Saar home!" — As if without him the Saar would not as a mat-
ter of course have fallen to Germany and without anyone having a thought
for the status quo. But now it is a victory for National Socialism.

Yesterday at the Blumenfelds with Frau Schaps and Annemarie Kohler.
Depressed atmosphere.

For this evening we are expecting Agnes Dember, who has been visiting
her eighty-year-old mother in Berlin and has invited the Blumenfelds and
the Wieghardts here.

March 17, Sunday

One and a half weeks ago I had a serious bout of influenza, one afternoon
I was on my back with a temperature of almost 102 degrees. I do not seem
to be able to recover properly from it, constant feeling of exhaustion para-
lyzes me.

The long, severe cold period is now gradually coming to an end. There
are still patches of snow, but Eva is working in the garden.

My work is going very badly. Last week I wrote a couple of pages on
Dubos. Then I received Lombard's monograph from Berlin, worked my
way through it and now have to revise everything. It is not this particular
point that depresses me, but dissatisfaction and helplessness as regards
the thing as a whole. I shall no longer manage this volume. And the
thought increasingly obtrudes upon me that my earlier volumes, which
presumably constitute my "life's work," are essentially no more than jour-
nalism. I go to sleep and get up again with the question of the purpose and
value of my life. And then I do housework and boxes for the cats.

Weissberger, the chemist, who has a scholarship to Oxford, visited us.
His father is in the hospital here with a stroke. He maintains he could
arrange an invitation to Oxford for a "turn" for me.

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[...]

The Wieghardts almost our only company. Gusti's childish Bolshevism
is getting on my nerves. — Otherwise great loneliness.

Political situation hopeless, financial likewise.

March 23, Saturday

The Dubos-Muralt chapter finished, 10 written pages in about a month.

Finances so bad that I have to give up a couple of especially minted
five-mark pieces, as very last reserve, to last to April 1.

Hartnacke, Minister of Education, bad enough, but still an educated
man, right wing rather than a Nazi, has been "discharged." Mutschmann
is his own minister of education and a wild Nazi primary schoolteacher is
his commissar. For how many more weeks will I keep my post? — Hitler
has proclaimed compulsory military service, the protests of the foreign
powers are weak-kneed and they swallow the fait accompli. Result:
Hitler's regime is more stable than ever. [ . . . ] In every aspect of the de-
struction of culture, Jew-baiting, internal tyranny. Hitler rules with ever
worse creatures. Rust, the Reich Minister of Education, gave another
speech today attacking "insipid intellectualism."

I am not recovering properly from the influenza, my heart finds every-
thing difficult.

[...]

On Monday a really tiring evening at the Kohlers. (Their third wedding
anniversary.) The only amusing part an old English aunt of young Ellen
Kohler, who after decades of marriage in Germany still speaks German
with a completely English accent, is very much attached to England and
does not want to know about the current regime.

April 3, Wednesday evening

Fairly much tired if not of life, then of writing. Everything drags on so mo-
notonously with the same grinding worries — an end or even a change is
not in sight. What is the point of noting each and every visit we make to
the Blumenfelds and the Wieghardts and the Kohlers or that they make to
us? Everyone always says the same thing. Maria Lazar was here once, en
route from Vienna; she did not tell us anything particularly new either.
Today Chaplain Dr. Baum, who attended my French course during the
winter, was our guest for coffee (Blumenfeld joined us). Baum is com-
pletely pessimistic. The Church will avoid conflict as long as it can, it is all
not so important as far as the Church is concerned. It thinks everything
else will pass and it will remain — so why risk trouble? An old priest had
said to him recently, such an odd song had been sung at a meeting, one he
had never heard before, something about Horst Wessel — what or who was

APRIL 1935

117

that? At a meeting of priests the chairman had calmly explained, the cur-
rent situation was not so important — "we have seen the Third Reich and
we shall see the fourth." Lately, admittedly, the government was taking
harsh measures against the Catholic Church — arrests, no conclusion to the
Concordat negotiations — which might perhaps lead to firm resistance by
the Church. He, Baum, did not believe so. He did not believe that the end
of the regime was close, it had too much power, the country was far too
enslaved and numbed by idealistic-nationalist lies — and if the end did
come one day, it would come with a lot of bloodshed. — Baum, who can
visit them as a clergyman, talked, like Gusti Wieghardt, of extremely over-
crowded prisons.

Meanwhile I had to start my lectures on Monday, April 1, although the
people at the PI do not start until the twenty-fourth. One student came to
French, who after eight semesters at Leipzig wants to do one semester
here, and stay with his parents, before the state examination. The whole of
the four hours on Monday for him.

April 17

The one student in French, the two women students in Italian, the dread-
ful shortage of money and uncertainty, the constant heart problems, even
though Dr. Dressel in Heidenau has once again diagnosed my condition as
normal, the never ending rheumatic and eye complaints, the snail's pace
of my Eighteenth Century — now at Lesage — nothing changes.

[..]

On the twelfth at the Kuhns. Also there were Bollert, the Director of the
State Library, and Frau Robert Wilbrandt, who wants to sell the villa they
have here. Wilbrandt was the first who had to go, they live in Upper
Bavaria. Frau Wilbrandt told us: In Munich people complain out loud
when Hitler or Goebbels appear on film. But even she — economist! close
to the Social Democrats! — says: "Will there not be something even worse,
if Hitler is overthrown, an even worse Bolshevism?" ( That keeps him
where he is again and again.)

Bollert talked about the new tyrannical measures of the Governor and
his "Commissary Minister for Popular Education," the schoolteacher
Arthur Gopfert. Even the senior and academically qualified officials must
now sit out office hours from half past seven until four o'clock. Gopfert
often carries out inspections early in the morning and barks like a sergeant
major. But he is also said to use the same tone toward ordinary employees
and to have shouted abusively at the library's checkroom attendant. [ . . . ]
Another guest, a secondary schoolteacher, son of Manitius, the Professor
of Low Latin, said he had been in the Stahlhelm with Gopfert: "a soft, sen-
timental idealist, not a malicious hypocrite, but a lot of the rancor of the
little man." That could also be said about Robespierre, remarked Kuhn. —
In any case, only personnel matters are still dealt with here; for many

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weeks the circulars from the rectorate have printed only the decrees of the
Reich Minister in Berlin. In every decree for institutions of higher learning
and universities, in every speech Rust emphasizes the overcoming of "in-
sipid intellectualism," the precedence given to "physical and character
sltills," the interdiction on compensating for them with "purely intellec-
tual accomplishments," "racial" selection. — At the psychiatric congress
recently, it was said that only now was "the Nordic child," which previ-
ously had been put at a disadvantage to the Jewish child, whose intellect
developed more rapidly, coming into its own.

Der Sturmer is displayed at many street comers; there are special bul-
letin boards, and each one bears a slogan in large letters: "The Jews are our
misfortune." Or: "Whoever knows the Jew, knows the devil." Etc. When
German assassins were recently sentenced to death in Kovno by the
Lithuanians there were protest meetings everywhere. The proclamation of
the Dolzschen group went: "The world must see that the international
Jewish rabble cannot provoke us to make war, but that surely we are 'a
single nation of brothers!' "

They send me the cat paper regularly, although as a non- Aryan I ... al-
ways send it back. But here National Socialism runs riot in quite unbeliev-
ably grotesque fashion. The "German cat" :/: foreign "aristocratic" cats. In
accordance with our Fiihrer's ideas, etc. The carnival edition of the
Munchener NN has already made fun of it.

April 22, Easter Monday

The Easter weekend especially quiet up here. Eva in the garden all day;
spring weather. I wring a page a day out of myself. Short walks on the
Dolzschen plateau.

The Blumenfelds were here on Friday; I disagreed violently with him
about Zionism, which he defends and praises, which I call betrayal and
Hitlerism.

That evening our finances suffered a particular blow. Things are partic-
ularly short this month, the special five- and two-mark coins, which have
so often been under threat, must stop the gap this time. Then Eva's spec-
tacles broke, and now the coins will not be enough either. I shall sell a cou-
ple of books to my department. On the morning after this low point a
letter from the Iduna. A couple of years ago it "revalued" my first life in-
surance, which went down the drain in the inflation, at 755M, payable on
my death. Now it is offering immediate repayment to the amount of
430M. We shall gratefully accept this drop in the ocean, although it may be
weeks before it arrives. It will permit me to pay the 5,000M policy in July,
which otherwise I would have had to use as collateral for a loan, as I re-
cently did with the 10,000M policy. It will permit me a new suit, a couple
of new shirts and socks; it will permit gas fittings for the house, since

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119

cooking with electricity has proved such a failure, and a couple of small
things. What a wretched state of affairs. But I am pretty hardened by now.
Eva meanwhile has got trouble with her teeth again, new expeditions to
Isakowitz have begun, there will be a new bill.

[...]

Since the "election victory" in Danzig, since Stresa and the verdict of
the League of Nations I again have a little hope that I shall live to see the
fall of the government. But only a little hope.

The Eighteenth Century is going to be good. But it is turning out ever
longer, ever more closely written. Who will print it? I have come to a halt
at Lesage.

I would have been less fierce with Blumenfeld, had I not in the last few
days received through Marta a publication of the Jewish Reform Commu-
nity celebrating its ninetieth anniversary. In it was the picture of Father,
and a history of its efforts on behalf of Germanness. It now appears
nothing short of tragic.

April 30, Tuesday

It was a particular point of honor for me to write a page (Lesage-
Marivaux) of my 18i£me, today, when I do not need to give a lecture, be-
cause I received my dismissal notice through the mail.

May 2, Thursday

I was anxious about Monday to the extent that then it would be clear
whether students from the PI, which had started on April 24, were coming
to me. No one came. There was no need to be excessively gloomy about it,
since Janentzky has apparently seen no sign of the 200 new PI students ei-
ther. They have evidently been told: "The Institute is going to be detached
from the University, so don't waste your time with the lectures there." So
I gave the lecture to my Leipziger and to Susi Hildebrandt, her of the hare
and the Dante lecture. Lore Isakowitz also appeared and asked me for
books — she now wants to get a qualification at the Department of Orien-
tal Languages in Berlin — which I promised her for Tuesday. On Tuesday
morning, without any previous notification — two sheets delivered by
mail: (a) On the basis of para 6 of the Law for the Restoration of the Pro-
fessional Civil Service I have . . . recommended your dismissal. Notice of
dismissal enclosed. The Commissary Director of the Ministry for Popular
Education, (b) "In the name of the Reich" the notice itself, signed in a
child's hand: Martin Mutschmann. I telephoned the university; no one
there had a clue. Gopfert, the Commissioner, does not waste time asking
the rector's office for advice. At first I felt alternately numb and slightly ro-
mantic; now there is only bitterness and wretchedness.

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My situation will be very difficult. I shall still receive my salary, the
800M that give me so much trouble, until the end of July, and after that a
pension, which will amount to approximately 400M.

On Tuesday afternoon I went to Blumenfeld, who has meanwhile finally
received the offer of a professorship in Lima, and he gave me the addresses
of the scholars' aid agencies. It was snowing on Wednesday, the "Day of
Celebration of National Labor." I wrote correspondence for hours. Three
identical letters to the "Notgemeinschaft deutscher Wissenschaftler im
Ausland," Zurich, to the "Academic Assistance Council," London, to the
"Emergency Committee in Aid of German Scholars," New York City. In
additional cries for help (I wrote "SOS") to Dember in Istanbul and to
Vossler: Spitzer is leaving Istanbul for the USA (but his comments to Dem-
ber about me were rather hostile). I emphasized everywhere that I can lec-
ture both in German and comparative literature (my lectureship in Naples,
that I deputed for Walzel at examinations, etc.), that I can lecture in French
and Italian immediately(!), in Spanish within a short time(!), that I "read"
English and if necessary would also speak it in a couple of months.

But what good is all this activity? For one thing the prospect of a post is
very small, since the German run has been under way for a good two
years and is unpopular. For another and above all: What post could I take?
Eva has recently been suffering a great deal again — repeated dental treat-
ment, root inflammation, general nervous strain — according to her, and it
is true, she would be a prisoner in any pension or furnished or city apart-
ment; she needs house and garden. And she would on no account give up
this house permanently. Therefore I would only be able to accept an espe-
cially well-paid post. The likelihood of that is no greater than of winning
first prize in the lottery.

With a very heavy heart, I also wrote to Georg, who offered his help last
year and who is now presumably in England staying with his eldest. I sent
him best wishes on his seventieth birthday and at the same time asked
him if he would give me a second loan of 6,000M on my house, irre-
deemable until January 1, 1942; as security I would pledge him the corre-
sponding share of my life insurance, which matures then. I am sure he will
refuse me, and I shall have one more hurt to think about. But even if he
agrees — how much help is that to me? I would then pay off Pratorius, and
I would increase my life insurance, partly through discharging outstand-
ing installments, partly through prepayment, so that it would be secured
at a level of approximately 12,000M for about two years and that, even if
later it proved impossible to continue making payments, it would still re-
tain a value of 6,000-7,000M. So to that extent Georg really would not be
taking a risk, and I could sit here unchallenged and survive on the pen-
sion. Only: All possibility of repaying the first loan would have disap-
peared. And we would be stuck here like petty bourgeois fallen on hard
times, without any possibility of getting back on our feet again.

I now also want to see if I cannot publish abroad. I have made an ap-
pointment to see Stepun on Saturday. The ancient Remington 3 type-

MAY 1935

121

writer — Jule Sebba's discarded prewar present — has been brought down
from the attic, and as soon as a new ribbon has been gotten hold of (35mm
no longer available in the stores, has to be ordered from Hanover!) I shall
begin to practice. But all of it without hope.

Yesterday evening the Wieghardts were here, a kind of visit of condo-
lence. Blumenfeld complained to me a little while ago, what a bitter expe-
rience it was, that hardly a single one of his colleagues expressed
sympathy over his being kicked out. At the time I gave him philosophical
comfort. Now I shall certainly experience it personally and can give my-
self philosophical comfort.

May 4, Saturday morning

Changing moods. The day before yesterday, we jokingly made plans for
Constantinople in the evening, the next day everything looked bleak
again. I hardly do anything else except write letters. To the USA to Tillich
and Ulich, today to Weissberger in Oxford. [ . . . ] I shall be at Stepun's in
an hour. — Unable to concentrate on anything else.

Eva's condition constantly bad. Another mishap with her teeth: an ar-
senic bum.

This evening a lot of guests unfortunately. Unfortunately — because of
the money.

Afternoon

Stepun reports that my chair will be occupied again. So I have not been
kicked out to make savings. But as a Jew. Even though I served in the field,
etc., etc.

He gave me two Swiss addresses for publishing and lectures: Vita Nova
Verlag, Lucerne, and Dr. Liefschitz, Bern.

May 7, Tuesday

Stepun is a great playactor and delights in eloquent phrases. "Demons
and Philistines populate the world, there are no saints." — "Demonism is
every eccentrically different partiality, which lays claim to totality . . . that
is what I have just argued in a lecture series in Switzerland."

I said: "None of my colleagues bothers about me. They think: another
one gone — who will be next? I? — In Flanders we were once running
through machine-gun fire, I stumbled over a rail, fell, collected myself,
reached cover after the others. A comrade looked up and said indiffer-
ently: "So you're still here too? I thought, you were dead." (Ruhl, the
NCO, on December 15, '15, as we were returning from the trenches.) That

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is what it is like today among the professors/7 Stepun: "You are right no
doubt, war mentality, only much worse."

On Saturday evening the Kuhns were here, Wengler, Annemarie and
Dressel. They took my elimination very lightly. Kuhn thought I should
complain about the retirement, I was due emeritus status (or "loss of du-
ties," as the new phrase has it). Yesterday afternoon I talked to Beste, the
dean, about it. He said: impossible to do anything. Two "laws" coexist, the
regularly extended "Law for the Restoration of the Professional Civil Ser-
vice," which provides for retirement, and the new one of "Loss of Duties."
The Governor chooses either as he sees fit. Para 6 states explicitly: retire-
ment should the post be cut back for reasons of economy. "The Ministry
has explicitly instructed us to make suggestions for filling your post." —
"And if the University protests?" — "Evasions or 'That has nothing to do
with you/ It was exactly the same in the cases of Holldack and Gehrig.
There is nothing that can be done."

Yesterday evening at the Blumenfelds; a real little party. The old
Kussys, Dember's industrial friends, and Breit, suffering greatly and very
bitter. He said he only has 10 percent of his former income. Mood alto-
gether gloomy. Here too people said, what I already heard from Stepun:
Abroad war is regarded as imminent. I cannot believe it. The foreign pow-
ers do not need a war, and even the present government is not so stupid as
to start a war itself. But Stepun says: They have overcultivated national
rhetoric [ . . . ] they will have to undertake something.

In response to my many letters I have so far received an application
form from England, which applies to the whole world of the unemployed
and offers me no chance at all. I am faced by the distressing necessity of
using the typewriter. I have obtained a ribbon and intend to start practic-
ing tomorrow on our "ancient" ('03!) Remington. After Jule Sebba sent it
to me from his office in 1909 as a castoff, it saw happy times. I dictated
many essays to Eva, who typed them on this machine — I remember one
night when I dictated the Jensen essay for the Frankfurter Zeitung, and then
we took it to Anhalter Bahnhof and arrived back home near dawn, ex-
hausted, shivering and happy; my Montesquieu was written on it too, then
it gathered dust, and Eva's hands could no longer manage the keys. It is
very painful to look back like that.

May 15

I work slowly at the Eighteenth Century, read aloud, carry on as usual,
but, in the morning, above all, if there is no mail, dreadful fear grips me.
What will happen? How shall we live, hold on to this house? How can I
save anything, given Eva's frame of mind? Eva plants, gardens, I buy new
plants, the cats need a pound of veal every day, price 1.20-1.40, debts with
Pratorius, my shirts, socks, boots, my suit finished — it will truly be naked
misery, when my already insufficient income is halved. — No word from

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123

Georg. My letter of May 2 must have reached him some time ago even in
England.

When he was here, Weissberger had been so full of how easy it is to get
a "turn" at Oxford. Now two very polite and altogether foolish and nega-
tive letters. Cassirer says that in Oxford there is no chance at all with Ro-
mance studies. I should write to Zurich and London, best of all seek out
colleagues in the same discipline.

Zurich wrote very courteously, they hoped in the foreseeable fu-
ture . . . Are these just words or the truth? They requested curriculum
vitae in French and English. The French tortures me, it has turned into an
impossible French, completely rusty. I had Kohler do the English one and
was astonished at how little it corresponded to the French original. (My
opinion of Kohler's real ability has suffered greatly.) I knocked this En-
glish vita into rough shape myself. As regards English I have no need to be
ashamed of myself after all. — Following consultation with Blumenfeld I
very strongly emphasized my attitude to Judaism, Christianity and Ger-
many in the first sentence. [ . . . ] Kohler subsequently thought this might
sound too nationalistic, and I changed this: je ne peux ni ne veux etre autre
chose qu'allemand into: je n'ai jamais pense d'etre autre chose qu'alle-
mand. (For a whole week now I have been worrying over whether I
should not have written etre instead of d'etre.)

No reply from the Swiss publisher to whom I wrote at such great
length. Do I have no market value at all anymore?

Letter from Agnes Dember: Spitzer is not leaving until 1936. I would
"be considered as a matter of course — but along with Curtius," they had
been told.

(Curtius has been my doom since 1915 — the Academy in Posen; in any
case, I think it is out of the question that he wants to go to Constantinople.
As far as I know he still holds the chair in Bonn; and if he had to go be-
cause a democrat, then he would have many opportunities in France. Also
he is reputed to be a wealthy man.)

May 30, Ascension Day

There seem to be no prospects abroad for me at all. Blumenfeld was in
Zurich to discuss his Lima professorship. (Incident from a novel: On the
day of his arrival, the Peruvian envoy receives a telegram, his brother in
Lima has been murdered, does not keep the appointment and departs, so
that Blumenfeld 's business is left hanging in the air.) So Blumenfeld spoke
to Privy Councillor Demuth about my case. The latter said: His letter to
me had been nothing but courtesy and consolation, de facto I had no
chance at all. He could find places for natural scientists — since the Notge-
meinschaft had been set up he had only been able to place three scholars
from the humanities, of whom Blumenfeld was the third. — Meanwhile I
heard from Hatzfeld that Lerch has just been dismissed, that he himself

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has been relieved of the Bonn professorial duties that he had administered
since Olschki's departure; and from a Basel newspaper I saw that Hoetzsch
in Berlin had to go. So a widespread new push and with it a new demand
for posts. — Opinion in Switzerland: The government is more firmly in
the saddle than ever and will resort to increasingly radical measures. A let-
ter dated the twenty-fifth from Georg in Rome, where he had traveled to
see a patient, after being first in Locarno, then in Cambridge, where he
had stayed with Otto Klemperer and "endured" his own seventieth birth-
day. He will "of course" put the 6,000M at my disposal (how rich he must
be! but how fundamentally decently he has dealt with the matter!), but
does not understand why I cling to my house and to Germany. If civil
rights are taken from us, he will go to America, where he can still "earn a
little" as a doctor; he would rather starve outside, than live in comfort and
dishonor here in Germany. — Very nicely put. But how shall I get out just
like that? And with what can I "earn a little" outside? He does not know
my situation.

Meanwhile Eva gardens with frenetic passion and says we should be
able to subsist on half an income, if the debt to Pratorius is discharged.
And she already wants to use a part of this 6,000 for further construction.
Perhaps she is right, because to leave money lying around or to pay off
money to the Iduna is just as uncertain as anything else. I often feel as if I
am being literally choked. And when I creep up through the park, I always
have the agonizing feeling that my heart is going to give out.

Nevertheless, these are always only — mental and physical — passing
depressions, five or six a day. Between them, curiously enough, I work
well. The Eighteenth Century grows slowly: The section "Poetry besides
Voltaire" should be finished the day after tomorrow; I now hope to man-
age the whole first volume by October. I am also slowly getting into my
stride on the ancient typewriter. Karl Wieghardt has very amusingly hung
a kitchen mortar from the moving part as a weight; now it works better. I
type best with one finger; but I manage, and I practice diligently. I am
copying out my "German Image of France," in order to show it to the
Nova Vita publishing house, who have shown an interest in it. Every day
one manuscript page in about two hours, there are 60 pages. I have even
resolved to write the Montesquieu chapter of my Eighteenth Century di-
rectly on the machine.

A tiny little swallow, it doesn't make a summer, but is nevertheless grat-
ifying. Sometime in the winter I am to give a lecture to the Free Student
Association of Bern, perhaps also in other Swiss towns.

Otherwise very isolated, especially inwardly. Gusti Wieghardt sees
everything entirely from the Soviet perspective, Blumenfelds see every-
thing entirely from the Jewish one. And conversations with Eva usually
lead to deep depressions and are best avoided.

I rarely get around to reading aloud; we are both very tired in the
evenings, and my failing eyes torment me.

JUNE 1935

125

Much domestic work. Now easier, since we had gas laid. The electric
stoves, which are so widely advertised and which we fell for, are a fraud:
too expensive and too slow for small things.

Eva's protracted second dental treatment is over, thank God. [ . . . ]
Since the treatment took a long time because of a mistake or clumsiness on
the part of the dentist (arsenic bum?) we are curious to see the bill.

May 31, Friday

This afternoon I handed over the department key and the house key to
Wengler. I was standing outside the door of the department, had the key
in my pocket and did not want to open it myself. A beadle, whom I only
know by sight, came; he was wearing an SA uniform; he shook my hand
with evident warmth and then called Wengler from the side room.

June 11, Tuesday after Whitsun (oppressive heat, now at nine o'clock in
the morning 82 degrees in the shade)

Heiss died on May 31. The obituary notice shook me, not because I loved
him, but because the man was my generation, barely five years older. —
After a long gap (two years!) letter from Hatzfeld: There is a rumor going
around that I have been dismissed. Do I know why Lerch had to go? He
himself has been relieved of the professorial duties that he had been car-
rying out since Olschki's departure from Heidelberg. (I do not know
whether the devout Catholic Hatzfeld is also non- Aryan. Lerch at any rate
is completely Aryan. — They are making a clean sweep and suppressing
all news. Nothing but rumors. Nevertheless nothing remains secret.)

No word from Georg. I am very worried about the money. No other
news. No reply from Ulich and Tillich in the USA.

After our meal on Sunday the Isakowitzes picked us up in their hand-
some car and drove us to the Bastei. We have not been there for years.
Wonderful landscape. Incredible car and motorcycle traffic. Almost a kilo-
meter from the hotel we had to join a long line of cars and wait. Afterward
we estimated about 500 parked cars, twice as many motorcycles. The van-
tage points thick with people. But it is really beautiful. We climbed up to a
spur, which provides a view of the magnificent amphitheater of rounded
towers. Eva had no difficulty getting up and down, but then in the
evening she felt serious pain and limped. We must stay here and scrape by,
even if something is offered from outside; I cannot imprison Eva. All three
of the Isakowitzes, father, daughter, mother, are very agreeable people; the
wife is painted and done up like a Babylonian whore trying to hide her de-
cline, but she has a quite simple and obliging nature. [ . . . ] After the visit
to the Bastei, we rested by the forest, and had tea. Before the excursion we
had shown off our little house and drunk coffee there.

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I can hardly write with a pen anymore and already work quite nicely
using the machine. But the old museum piece completely fails to space
lines. If I get the 6,000 from Georg, I shall probably purchase a new ma-
chine.

Midday

Shopping in town. Something like 86 degrees. The way back through the
park inferno and memento mori. How many years are still left? How
much further with my work? I would still so dearly love to write the Eigh-
teenth Century, my life and the language of the three revolutions. Vanita-
tum vanitas. — Recently a policeman was here from the district office.
Whether I had a "family record" when I had been "naturalized"? I said.
I'm fed up to the back teeth with it. He: "Me too ... I have served for fif-
teen years. I started under the Social Democratic government. What can I
do?" Then he asked me how Dember was. When he heard that I too had
now been dismissed, this simple man said quite spontaneously: "Yes, but
do they have someone who is right for your post. Professor?" I just looked
at him. Afterward we shook hands.

[...]

I have begun to write the Montesquieu chapter, but have stopped, in
order first of all to seriously immerse myself in the Enlightenment. At the
moment I am in the middle of Helvetius. I have also hauled up La Mettrie,
Holbach, Condillac.

[...]

The Kuhns and the Blumenfelds were here this afternoon.

Since June 1 we have not read a newspaper. (Eva has not done so for a
long time.) The dispatches, which one sees put up in town, do just as well.
It's all the same lies anyway.

June 20, Thursday

Georg has sent me the 6,000 marks. Interest free. Repayment at my discre-
tion. [ . . . ] It is very nice — and a little contemptuous of him. I am unable
to be pleased about it, even if I am also a little relieved. We shall pay off the
builder, perhaps extend the house a little, pay back a part to the Iduna.
Then let the misery begin. I defended my remaining-in-the-country in a
letter to Georg. I am absolutely tied.

Meanwhile Blumenfeld is getting ready to travel to Lima in two, three
weeks. I look on with bitter envy and yet feel the envy as a betrayal of Eva.
She is literally digging herself in, in her garden. Day after day.

The enormous foreign policy success of the Naval Agreement with En-
gland consolidates Hitler's position very greatly. Even before that I have
recently had the impression that many otherwise well-meaning people.

JUNE 1935

127

dulled to injustice inside the country and in particular not properly ap-
preciating the misfortune of the Jews, have begun to halfway acquiesce to
Hitler. Their opinion: If at the cost of going backward internally, he re-
stores Germany's power externally, then this cost is worthwhile. Condi-
tions at home can always be made good later — politics is just not a clean
affair. [ . . . ]

Today Blumenfeld told me — I went there at his request, he is very ha-
rassed now — he had spoken yesterday to a Privy Councillor Oster in the
Foreign Ministry in Berlin. Blumenfeld's concern is to get away without
paying the Reich Flight Property Tax (25 percent!). Oster had suggested
fairly openly that there was little sympathy in the Foreign Ministry for
Mutschmann's latest fury against remaining Jews in the universities and
there had been an approach to the Education Ministry on behalf of the dis-
missed Leipzig dons. Blumenfeld thereupon mentioned my case, and the
Privy Councillor made a note of it. — Otherwise absolute silence all
around me.

June 30, Sunday afternoon

Yesterday, for the twenty-ninth — 31 years! — Eva received a delphinium
for the garden; the contract for the extension of the two verandas has been
signed with Pratorius for 1,300M — all as if our position were safe. Some-
times it makes me feel terrible, sometimes I am quite calm. Like this Eva is
at least almost contented, and there is more than one way I could do
things wrongly.

No post, no prospects, absolute silence.

Through Annemarie Kohler's intervention I very quickly came by an
excellent typewriter. Isakowitz's "Little Erika" was (a) a loan and (b) not
ideal. Now for 40M I have bought a massive, completely intact "Ideal,"
which really is ideal, from Dr. Schumann, head physician at St. John's
Hospital. On Saturday, June 22, we were out in Heidenau — nice supper,
inspection of the object and of the head physician's vegetable garden; on
Sunday, Lange, the carpenter, fetched the heavy piece on his motorcycle,
and from Monday until today I have really made the whole Mon-
tesquieu chapter good enough to go to press, not only copied onto 25
pages in duplicate, but also completely polished. This is how I now want
to continue working: sketch out section by section by hand or set it out
in abbreviated form and then type the final version. But the next section:
Condillac, etc. is raising the greatest difficulties. What repeatedly wor-
ries me here is the question of the limits of literary history, of its actual
content.

The last week has been difficult because of the terrible heat. Yesterday
somewhat cooler, today beginning to be humid again. If I had not been
able to cling to the typewriter, the whole time would have been wasted.
[...]

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July 21, Sunday

Condillac and Helvetius finished et in machina. I cling to this work —
ready for press and in typescript it is independent of me and can survive.
Vanitas! I ask myself again and again, what is new and original about it
and my own. These philosophical chapters require quite new studies, a
large monograph each time and a lot of reading of the texts. Lately I have
also been availing myself of the library in Berlin.

I must hold on to the book; because worries are increasing to such a de-
gree that I no longer can or should allow myself to think about them; it is
just like being in the dugout: If one is forever thinking about the next shell,
then one goes mad. [ . . . ] Today is July 21, and I still do not know what I
am going to be paid from August 1.

The Jew-baiting and the pogrom atmosphere grow day by day. Der
Simmer , Goebbels' speeches ("exterminate like fleas and bedbugs!"),
acts of violence in Berlin, Breslau, yesterday also here in Prager Strasse.
The struggle against Catholics, "enemies of the state," both reactionary
and Communist, is increasing. It is as if the Nazis were being driven
toward and prepared to go to any extreme, as if a catastrophe were im-
minent.

Pratorius, with whom we had an argument because the roof was leak-
ing and who is now to extend the hall and to glaze the veranda for us —
1,300M of Georg's 6,000, God knows if I am doing the right thing, but
what is sure? — Pratorius said the District Chairman "is not well disposed
to me," he had raised objections to the new roof and spoken contemptu-
ously of me and my "front-line experience," he is "just a Nazi." I think I've
already written that recently a policeman wanted to know since when I
have been "naturalized"; they had to be informed about non-Aryans in
their district. I truly expect that one day our little house will be set alight
and I shall be beaten to death.

On August 11, we took our leave of the Blumenfelds amid the chests in
their already emptied apartment. They traveled to Paris on the thirteenth,
yesterday their ship departed from La Rochelle. They left us a great many
things: a bronze tub, flowers and a window box, cigars ... I gave him the
first edition of Hegel's Phenomenology (which Father left me, my most
valuable book), for her: Quevedo's Vida del Buscon.

Gusti Wieghardt was here for Eva's birthday (and also frequently apart
from that). She is far too simplistic. [ . . . ]

I gave Eva a couple of plants — we are literally digging ourselves in
here, as in the trenches.

After an interval of a year, we had to go to the old Kaufmanns once; they
stick to us like burrs, pathetic and ghastly. They were with their children
in Palestine for three months. They received and entertained us extrava-
gantly (despite their stinginess), grateful for our visit; they talked very in-
terestingly about their journey, while we, after the hot day, sat on their
balcony and looked out toward Borsberg — but, radiating evident pride.

AUGUST 1935

129

they also told us that Fraulein Mey still came to see them every week, as
"liaison officer," since she is on visiting terms with the mayor and is even
received by the Governor! Eva said the latest Jewish snobbery was to sym-
pathize with the Nazis. They spoke "without hate" in fond memory of
Thieme. I said, if I had the power, I would have him shot. Kaufmann said
of someone or other in Jerusalem: he feels at home and yet previously
"had been as assimilated as you were , Herr Professor." I replied: "Were? I
am German forever, German 'nationalist/ " — "The Nazis would not con-
cede that." — "The Nazis are un-German." That was on July 17, we felt ill
all day on the eighteenth.

[...]

Grete was dangerously ill and is still in a Catholic hospital in Berlin (St.
Norbert). I wrote to her at length (but inwardly cold and estranged). My
dismissal makes no impression at all on her and Marta, etc. I have never
made an impression on my family. What a celebration there usually is for
a school graduation, doctorate, a professorship, etc.! Whenever I got that
far, it was already nothing out of the ordinary in my family. Now in being
dismissed — it's the same: m'ont devance mes neveux.

Vossler (a new Spanish book from him!) wrote to me, Lerch had to go,
denounced by an enemy, because "he had been living in concubinage with
a non- Ary an." With the "nebbish" Pietrkowska! Vossler also wrote — he
can afford to! — that at this time one must set most store by lasting values
and not complain that one is no longer allowed to lecture to 20 or 30 Saxon
lads and lasses toeing the Party line. He is now traveling to Spain again.
But he also said he had put in a word for me to Spitzer several times, and
Curtius is secure in Bonn and is not competing for Istanbul.

"I said" (as Montesquieu puts it in his diaries when an aper^u follows):
Let Blumenfeld travel happily to Lima, we are sitting here as in a besieged
fortress, within which the plague is raging. — If one day things get going
against this government, a special professors' assault force should be
formed. — My principles about Germany and the various nations are be-
ginning to wobble like an old man's teeth.

[...]

I have never, in fact, worked harder, never been busier than now "in re-
tirement." I never get around to reading aloud during the day. In two
weeks we have managed only 200 pages of Reymont's magnificent epic
The Peasants (1,400 pages). But every page is a pleasure, and every scene a
work of art. [ . . . ]

August 11, Sunday

On August 1 there was still no news about my "retirement pay." I tele-
phoned the Ministry; the first official on the line, somewhat incautiously
no doubt, said, "Berlin has raised an objection — we don't know anything
yet." After that they expressed themselves more carefully, the personal file

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

is still in Berlin. Then they wrote to me, until further notice I would receive
an estimated payment at the "probable level." I was credited with 480M
(after tax deductions, the salary was 800M). A small hope, that "Berlin"
will do something in my favor, remains open. At the moment both of us
are as calm as during the war. There is something in reserve from Georg,
and things are coming to a head.

The Jew-baiting has become so extreme, far worse than during the first
boycott, there are the beginnings of a pogrom here and there, and we ex-
pect to be beaten to death at any moment. Not by neighbors, but by purg-
ers who are deployed now here, now there as the "soul of the people." On
the tram stop signs on Prager Strasse: "Who buys from the Jew, is a traitor
to the nation," in the windows of small stores in Plauen sayings and verses
from every century, pen and context (Maria Theresa, Goethe! etc.) full of
abuse, in addition, "No Jews do we want, in our fair suburb Plauen," the
Sturmer everywhere with the most ghastly race defilement stories, wild
speeches by Goebbels — acts of violence in many different places. — Al-
most as wild, agitation against "political" Catholicism, which is allying it-
self with Communism, befouls churches and maintains that it was the
Nazis. — Everywhere dissolution of the Stahlhelm. The feeling stronger
every day for weeks now, it cannot go on like this much longer. And yet it
does go on and on.

I went to see old von Pflugk, since my eyes are completely failing me.
He received me very warmly — blood pressure measurement with the
scale on the anesthetized naked eye, pressure too high — and also said, it
was close to the end. He treats a lot of workers, they were in a state of fer-
ment. Gusti Wieghardt has it that strikes have taken place.

Meanwhile despite constant serious eye and heart problems I have for
several weeks worked through five books of minor figures, which I had
from Berlin and had to give back in time. I now hope to get back to writ-
ing in the next few days: Holbach. But my health is giving way more and
more every day. Today, August 11, it is exactly one year since I began the
volume.

A friendly but gloomy letter from Ulich in Cambridge, USA. There are
no prospects there. — Frau Dember here once again, with her mother in
Altenberg: Spitzer has a relationship with his assistant Rosemarie Burkart,
his wife has gone to Austria; he cannot go to the USA with the mistress,
thus remains in Istanbul. So that faint hope too is gone.

After many months to the cinema, Prinzesstheater; The Cossack and the
Nightingale; such awful trashy rubbish that it is not worth making any
note of it. But in it the role of a gunrunning Levantine monster. Immedi-
ately a girl beside me whispers: "The Jew!"

The three Isakowitzes were here once in the evening for coffee. He
touchingly offered me money, if my pension should not arrive. He said his
nerves were finished, and he is thinking of emigrating.

Pflugk told me: People say they have broken their word to everyone,
except to the Jews!

SEPTEMBER 1935

131

September 15, Sunday, toward evening

I have never in my life worked with such concentration as since my dis-
missal. As if I wanted to prove to myself that I can still do something, and
that it does not matter if my book is late in coming. It is no doubt also the
blessing of the typewriter: Everything becomes clear, completely detached
from me and finished, I polish it down to the last detail, it is so much ready
to go to press that it can be published without me. The book will be very
good — but it is getting ever longer and taking ever longer. After d'Alem-
bert, Buffon has now been completely finished. Perhaps I shall manage the
volume by the end of the year. It will run to about 500 pages. [ . . . ] (The
broken contract with Teubner provided for 300.)

My situation and the general situation remains entirely unchanged. I
still receive my "provisional" 480M, the government still stands firm as a
rock above all discontent, the Jew-baiting gets even worse, the Sturmer —
"race defiler," "murderer" — even crazier.

The correction of Blumenfeld's book. Puberty as a Conflict Situation ,
which he left behind, takes up a lot of time. There are stylistic lapses, a
drawing doesn't correspond with the text, everything is written in haste
and not fully ready to go to press— and I bear the responsibility. The book
is worthy, but does not contain anything that I did not know anyway. For
myself the attention to polishing is gradually becoming an obsession.

[•••I

Enclosed here Teubner 's letter on the decision in principle of the High
Court in Munich: Contracts with non- Aryan authors are not valid. — Also
Hueber's letter, which reached me with some delay.

September 16, Monday

Before I start on the essential chapter, "Political Economists," a few words
to catch up. We had conversion work for a full four weeks until last Satur-
day, now the painting (Lehmann) remains to be done, and Lange is work-
ing on the cat compound. The little house is now a proper house, in fact a
"villa." The large hallway, which has been created by putting a roof on the
terrace facing the city, is very elegant, even more elegant is the "winter
garden," which is the result of giving the previously useless veranda by
the music room a glass roof and walls (together with a solid floor). Eva's
particular joy here are the three narrow strips of colored window. — The
whole undertaking, including the painting, comes to around 1,600M,
which I took from Georg's 6,000. I am left with an emergency reserve of
about 600M. — Have I done the right thing? There was at least as much to
be said in favor as against. Everything is completely uncertain and is in
the hands of fate.

For a couple of days the Dresdener Nachrichten was sent to us free of
charge, I thought one had to make an attempt at reading the newspaper

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again— it was impossible, it makes me physically sick. Later— if I last that
long and am working on the "Language of the 3rd Reich" or on the "Lan-
guage of the Three Revolutions." But my heart will give out before then.

I read only the newspaper telegrams and inflammatory placards and
verses on the streets. But I ask every visitor and every person I meet his
opinion, his news. All vacillate or have contrary views.

On August 30 the Wenglers were here with their English cousin, Mr.
Otto, a pleasant forty-year-old headmaster and teacher of Romance Lan-
guages. (We have found all the English whom we have ever met to be con-
genial, not one, man or woman, was stiff. Opinion on how long: Question
mark.)

[.••] .u

On September 10 we were at Frau Schaps for supper, together with

her children, the Gerstles. The last time, a year and a day ago no doubt,
we had found Gerstle very disagreeable; an opportunist, who hoped to
do business even under this government, had little time to spare for the
victims, although Sebba Now quite different. Bitter and bitterly Ger-

man. We agreed on the sentence: "Germany is in our camp." As an officer,
he had just been to his annual regimental day. He had asked the com-
mander beforehand whether he should really come. Reply: Yes , unre-
servedly, welcome from comrades, rank and file and active Reichswehr
officers very warm. But the young army officers "a different type" from
our day. They feel they have a political responsibility and role, they are
all "like a sphinx." Gerstle's opinion constantly vacillating. The econ-
omy__he has 300 workers in his coffee additives factory — completely ru-
ined, the mood resentful, one sometimes thinks it cannot go on like this
much longer. But then again: the terror, the power of the government,
and where is there an opponent capable of taking action? The Reichs-
wehr altogether opaque: Blomberg and Reichenau are reputed to be
loyal to Hitler, but not Fritsch. Gusti Wieghardt had told us about a
Reichswehr order given to a Jewish cap manufacturer, also of Jews being
accepted for the army. Gerstle said his travelers meet with considerable
difficulties. Most frequent response of the paymasters: "Personally we
would gladly place an order — but it could cost us our position, we can-
not take the risk."

[•••I

Gusti Wieghardt, whom we see every week on reciprocal visits, reports
the Communist Party view: another 6 to 12 months. This Party thinking
and feeling makes her ever more stupid. She talks about her "faith in
Marx, faith in Lenin." Their dogmas have unqualified validity for her. As
soon as she talks about these things, a phonetic indication of her frame of
mind appears: she begins to roll her Rs. Recently she read out a little
poeme en prose by Brecht smuggled in from Denmark in shorthand. [ . . . ]
A prisoner writes "Long live Lenin" on the wall of his cell. Painters are
supposed to get rid of it, again and again the writing shows through:

SEPTEMBER 1935

133

"Long live Lenin!" A few more prose verses. Then: "Tear down the wall!
ordered the soldier." Very nice, but one could allow oneself the joke of
transferring the poem word for word to the Nazis after the 1923 Munich
putsch. The prisoner only needs to write "Heil Hitler!" on the wall.

One afternoon Fraulein Papesch visited us; brave of her to come. Her
Protestantism keeps her at a distance from the regime; but she is of course
cautious to an extreme. I read the La Mettrie and d'Alembert sections to
her.

[...]

Yesterday a characteristic scene: Traffic jam on Prager Strasse. Crowd of
people, cars. A young man, pale, rigid, mad in appearance, shouts without
stopping at someone else whom I could not see: "Whoever buys from the
Jew, is a traitor to the nation! ... I said . . ." and so on and so on ad infini-
tum. Everyone is disturbed, embarrassed, no one interferes. No police in
sight, the traffic is building up and the man keeps on shouting: "I said ... I
can say that: Whoever buys from the Jew, is a traitor to the nation, a traitor
to the nation, I said ..." After a while I walked on.

The Blumenfelds sent a postcard from Bermuda, in which they com-
plained about seasickness. [ . . . ]

I work at and polish my Eighteenth Century as with no other book. All
reservations have fallen by the wayside — whether it will be too long,
whether critics will like it — there is no externally imposed impediment
anymore, the book is being written for me alone. Sometimes I believe it to
be good and unique, sometimes only cobbled together. During the last few
weeks I had to open the door for one worker as early as half past six every
morning. So I accustomed myself to getting up very early. Apart from
going shopping or to the library, I sit at my work all day — apart from the
large amount of time spent on the cat boxes and making tea and coffee,
etc. — An altogether secluded life. Quieter, more enclosed than it ever was
before. If there were not health troubles and the memento every day, then
it would not be unhappy.

September 17, Tuesday

While I was writing yesterday, the Reichstag in Niimberg had already
passed the laws on German blood and German honor: Prison for mar-
riage and extra-marital intercourse between Jews and "Germans," pro-
hibition on "German" maids under 45 years of age, permission to show
the "Jewish flag," withdrawal of civil rights. And with what justification
and what threats! Disgust makes one ill. Gusti Wieghardt came here in
the evening; to give vent to her feelings, she said: "Schiwe sizn." But she
is not interested in the Jews. Hitler has threatened Lithuania, Germany
in league with England will defeat the Russians, exterminate Commu-
nism.

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September 29, Sunday

The economistes finished, the litterateurs under way. Slow and exhausted.
Sometimes I believe it will be my best book, sometimes a useless compila-
tion and transcription. This continuing absolute concentration exhausts
me greatly; but it is the only antidote against the desperateness of the sit-
uation. I have the impression that an explosion is imminent, I am reckon-
ing on a pogrom, the ghetto, money and house to be taken away, anything.
Rather: I am reckoning on nothing. I wait gloomy and helpless.

October 5, Saturday

God in history: Gusti Wieghardt says: Hitler has accelerated develop-
ments by at least thirty years, he is working for the victory of Commu-
nism. — Isakowitz says: In fifty years people will probably recognize that
he had to appear, so that the Jews became a nation again (Zion!).

It so happened that on two occasions in the last few weeks we were
with the Isakowitzes twice in one day. Eva unexpectedly required a sup-
plementary repair; in the evenings of the two days the three Isakowitzes
were first of all our guests for coffee, the second time our hosts, for sup-
per (which unfortunately demands a return match) and that on the Jew-
ish New Year. It turned out that the Isakowitzes are more orthodox than
we had known; the man came from the "temple" (I have not heard the
word for thirty years), his head covered he read from the Torah, a hat was
put on my head too, candles burned. I found it quite painful. Where do I
belong? To the "Jewish nation" decrees Hitler. And I feel the Jewish na-
tion recognized by Isakowitz is a comedy and am nothing but a German
or German European. — The mood on both evenings was one of extreme
depression. Isakowitz fears that at any moment he will no longer be al-
lowed to treat insured patients and thus be deprived of a living. He has
been considering emigration to Palestine for some time. An Aryan has
long wanted to buy his practice from him for 15,000M. He at last decides
on this sale — with the heaviest of hearts, because in Palestine there is said
to be at least one doctor in every house — when at the last moment such
sales of Jewish practices are forbidden. For what reason? is not yet
known. Isakowitz fears the worst and is left in uncertainty. — His wife
had gone to Berlin to make inquiries at the "Jewish town hall in Mei-
neckestrasse," i.e., the advice center of the Zionists, which now repre-
sents all German-Jewish interests. Mood of panic, crowds of people,
broken windows from the last rampage, which are ostentatiously left un-
repaired, strongly advised to emigrate, more and more people fleeing. —
At the service (the New Year celebration, the time of joy!) the rabbi's
words had been deeply depressing, had spoken a prayer for the dead,
there had been many tears.

[...]

OCTOBER 1935

135

The loyal and the brave , for now this is brave: On September 23, Fraulein
Mey was here for coffee. She and Lehmann, the rectorial secretary, whom
I always supported, alone of the whole administrative staff of the TU, do
not belong to the Party. The cashier's office is the worst. There one's arm
can be raised by force, if one does not give the Fascist greeting.

On October 2 for coffee: Ursula Winkler and Susi Hildebrandt, whose sick
mother has meanwhile died of cancer. The opinion of her father, the big in-
dustrialist: untenable situation: extreme tension among the workers — but no
one knows what is going to happen and how things look in the Reichswehr.

In the stocks: Frau Fischer writes from Giessen to Gusti Wieghardt (we
were there the day before yesterday): she would like to accompany her
husband to the Philologists' Congress in Dresden, it is impossible for her
to stay with the Kaufmanns, she has been forbidden to socialize with the
"dear, good Kaufmanns," although she herself is still "the same person,"
could she stay with Gusti, she is too poor to pay for a hotel. This dirty hy-
brid of sheep and pig, who used to sponge like a beggar on the Kauf-
manns, has no idea that Gusti is not Aryan, nor of her political opinions.
Gusti curtly wrote her off. (This philologists' meeting fills me with the
greatest bitterness.)

The tepid: Frau Kuhn unexpectedly here for a friendly visit. Preaches an
"unembittered" serenity of heart to me . . . Even today one can still be a
Nazi for idealistic reasons, without being a criminal or an idiot. I told her:
She does not know what dreadful things are happening. I changed Less-
ing's words — Anyone who does not lose his reason over certain things,
has no reason — into: Anyone whose heart, remains calm today, has no
heart. She departed stricken, she is truly a good person.

The evening on which we had to invite the tepid Kaufmanns did not go
as badly as feared (a) because the pressure of events also hardens these
jellyfish a little, (b) because young Frau Rosenberg had an agreeably miti-
gating effect. Kaufmann talked about the hostility of French Jews toward
the German-Jewish emigres. He said: To them we are the dreaded "East-
ern Jews." He told us of a nasty incident in Tunis, where a German-Jewish
doctor was allowed to practice by the government, but his position made
impossible by his Jewish colleagues.

Now Janentzky has been dismissed. I long ago found him too light as a
human being and dropped him for lacking character; I now feel a little ma-
licious pleasure — but the business itself is wretched. Our whole Humani-
ties Section destroyed. [ . . . ]

Meanwhile the situation is more and more coming to a head. Food
shortage. — Memel. — Beginning of the Abyssinian War. If England relies
on Germany for support, if the government receives a loan from England,
then there is no end in sight of the ignominy. The loan negotiations are
said to have failed for the moment. "Said." One is forever tapping in the
dark, a thousand times worse than in the war. The day after tomorrow,
Germany's unity and triumph will be celebrated on the Biickeberg with a
huge hullabaloo. Harvest festival with 10,000 special trains. [ . . . ]

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

Once, as relaxation, a nice Kiepura film with a doppelganger role: He
acts and sings as a famous tenor and as salesclerk. Harmless slapstick with
every part excellently played: Ich liebe alle Frauen [I Love Every Woman].
But beforehand a bit of Niimberg Party Rally with the Jewish laws read
out, at least the ban on marriages.

[...]

My book eats me up and keeps me alive and gives me balance. Blessing
of the typewriter. Marmontel and Raynal finished.

My eyes bad, my heart bad. Eva also complained about problems with
her eyes (curved ceiling!). I went with her to see Best (since I feel embar-
rassed to be treated gratis by von Pflugk); because the symptom is serious,
he examined her twice very carefully and found nothing.

For a mortal two months now there have been workers in the house.
The painter expects to be finished today.

My financial situation still undecided. Berlin says nothing, and the Pen-
sions Office pays 480M "until further notice." How long will my reserves
last?

After a gap of several months I have subscribed to a newspaper ( Dres -
dener NN) once again. Every time I read it I feel sick; but the tension is now
so great one must at least know what lies are being told.

October 19, Saturday

"The Opponents" finished; "Encyclopedia" and Diderot remain.

My heart ever worse, I fear and hate the path up through the park.

The situation in general unchanged.

The Modem Philologists' Congress met here this week. One of them
spoke about the religion of the ancient Germans, another about modem
language teaching from the National Socialist perspective, not for "intel-
lect" and "culture," but for "the German man and woman." E. von Jan
about France's "national symbols." Not one of all my Romance Language
colleagues called on me; I am like a plague corpse. [ . . . ]

I met Gehrig. Completely convinced of the permanence of Nazi rule.
He told me that Janentzky's dismissal had been withdrawn for the
present; but the Humanities Section would be wound up entirely in
1936; its professors would be retired or transferred. So the absolute end.
[..]

Georg wrote [ . . . ] he is going to emigrate. It will cost him three-
quarters of what he has saved, but after Niimberg he does not want to live
"under the guillotine." What do I intend? — But he is in a better position.
How could I "practice" in the USA? That was Georg's birthday letter.
[...]

On the eighth we had the Wieghardts and the Isakowitzes for supper.
He is now trying to find a living in England. His wife is there at the mo-
ment to make inquiries. We are prisoners without hope of rescue.

OCTOBER 1935

137

The Bishop of Meissen was arrested on the tenth. For currency specula-
tion. I place my hopes on that, really. But this government can risk any-
thing.

A new aspect of the language of the 3rd Reich to be considered: the
character sketches of schoolchildren now being introduced, which contain
an assessment of their suitability for the national community. Gusti
Wieghardt tells us a teacher is said to have written of a seven-year-old
Jewish boy, he "shows all the characteristics of his race." On the other
hand a Catholic teacher at the Benno Grammar School is said to have cred-
ited a small Jewish boy with "especially fitted for the community." I have
asked Johannes Kohler for material.

Annemarie Kohler tells us in despair that the hospitals are overcrowded
with fifteen-year-old girls, some pregnant, some with gonorrhea. The
BDM. Her brother has vehemently refused to allow his daughter to join.

Superstition: Jehovah's Witnesses are now frequently being sentenced
by special courts. Mostly people of modest circumstances or old women
(they are very attached to the Old Testament and are pacifists). I asked
Lange, the carpenter, whose mother is one of them, what all this intensive
study led to. He gave as an example that it says the Last Judgment is near
"when carriages shall move without horses." This is read as meaning auto-
mobiles and therefore the present. — People believe this sort of thing, and
for such a belief one is sentenced to prison in Germany for up to one year!

[...]

October 26, Saturday

An abscess developed very suddenly in Eva's mouth and had to be lanced
today. Unpleasant intermezzo. — The trouble with my heart continues un-
changed.

[...]

Karl Wieghardt here with his mother yesterday. Farewell visit. He is
going to study in Gottingen. He really wanted to go to Berlin. Only those
students with NSDAP membership numbers below one million are being
allowed to matriculate there.

It made a deep impression on me that today on Lobtauer Strasse, for the
first time since the war, I saw two "butter lines" snaking out of the shops.
Perhaps they could choke Laocoon-Hitler.

October 31, Thursday

"Encyclopedia" completely finished, typed. Now at least a month's read-
ing for Diderot. Have begun Rosenkranz. If the machine did not, to some
extent, allow me to compensate for the pressure, and if the resulting com-
plete detachment and objectivity did not give me the hope that this com-

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

pletely finished and readable text can also be published without me and
after me — then I believe I would be unable to bear this time, would at any
rate be unable to summon up the concentration to write. My opinion of
the value and originality of the work fluctuates several times daily be-
tween the entirely positive and the entirely negative.

My heart problems while walking become ever more serious. Not a day
on which I do not see death staring me in the face.

On Sunday afternoon the three Isakowitzes were here. Frau Isakowitz
was in London for a week; there is a possibility that her husband will be
allowed to practice as a dentist in England without sitting for an examina-
tion. She relates that the rabbis preached the boycott of German goods
from the pulpit; they addressed the women: It is natural that your hus-
bands do not order machines from Germany for their factories; but you
must not buy any German Odol mouthwash or other toilet or domestic
things! Her Christian landlady said to her with reference to Hitler: "And
there is nobody who kills this big swine?" People say we are ruled by
madmen, are completely bankrupt — it cannot last much longer. People are
paying 20M:£1 — officially the rate is 14M.

But on Tuesday we were at the station to see Marta for twenty minutes,
who was on her way to Prague: the mood of the Berlin Jews is wretched:
"We shall not live to see the end of this tyranny, the populace is enthusias-
tically devoted to Hitler." — At the same time wild rumors: Marta's
youngest was off to Prague at a moment's notice because word was going
around that the borders would be closed in the next few days, there was
going to be war. Against whom — uncertain, but certainly war! (And that's
how a European nation lives in 1935!) Further: Hitler undoubtedly has
cancer of the larynx, he can only whisper, the thunder of his speeches is
produced by the loudspeakers.

Yesterday evening — it did neither of us any good — at the "respectable"
Kohlers. Here absolute uncertainty given as the popular mood: it could
collapse overnight, it could last for years yet. But tendency to pessimism.

[...]

Clipping, saved for a long time, from the Dresdener NN of September 29.
"Watchword for Workplace Meetings on September 20": "Blood determines
character and soul, / For your soul rests in your blood! / Once the Jew has
spoiled your blood and soul, / Then you are dead for race and Fatherland."

The Jew-baiting had subsided for a few weeks. Now Der Sturmer is pre-
senting ritual murders once again.

November 9, Saturday

Hitler said of those who fell at the Feldhermhalle in 1923: "My apostles."
Today at the triumphal and burial ceremonies, the word is: "You have
risen again in the Third Reich." — Further: The buildings in the "capital

NOVEMBER 1935

139

city of the movement" are only a beginning. We are building "a hall for
60,000 (thousand!) people" and "the biggest opera house on the globe."
And all this in a bankrupt state. — Religious madness and advertising
madness. And always the lies accompanying everything. Hitler's thanks
to the Stahlhelm, which has just been dissolved, Seldte's thanks to Hitler.

[...]

On the 2nd we were at the Wenglers in the afternoon. It once again
made an enormous impression on me when they put on the radio and
leaped from London to Rome, from Rome to Moscow, etc. The concepts of
time and space are annihilated. One must become a mystic. For me radio
destroys every form of religion and at the same time gives rise to religion.
Gives rise to it twice over: (a) because such a miracle exists, (b) because the
human intellect invents, explains, makes use of it. But this same human in-
tellect puts up with the Hitler government.

November 11, Monday

Marta, coming from Prague, was with us from yesterday at 3:35 until
today at 12:45. Very trying and complicated, not least because of the need
to make arrangements for the cats, of whom she is afraid. Nickelchen still
ailing, in the music room, Muschel, very understanding, overnight in our
bed, Marta in my room.

She was more amicable than usual, she liked our house. She gives the
impression of a woman whose health is failing badly: walks laboriously
on swollen misshapen legs, talks laboriously and has ruined teeth, exces-
sively nervous, frail. Only 61 — Grave's Disease — our heart.

She told us in strict confidence that her youngest, Willy, who has just fled
to Prague, has prospects of a position in Moscow, is evidently a member of
the Communist Party. She told us that her husband, that Lotte Sussmann
sympathize with Hitler, told us about the Naumann Jews who in defiance of
all the kicks repeatedly beg to be admitted into the NSDAP. A stepbrother
and the stepmother of Heinz Machol are with these people. — The NSDAP
is quite obviously even more a party of the mentally ill than it is of criminals.

[...]

Diderot studies. I want to bring out the impressionist, the forerunner of
the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, the experimental psychologist,
etc. It is costing me a great deal of reading, perhaps once again more time
than I provided for, but it will be my Diderot.

[...]

November 19, Tuesday

We are to a tragicomically great degree dependent on our cats. When-
ever Nickelchen is unwell, Eva lapses into downright depression. The

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

veterinary surgeon helped for a while; now both beast and Eva are
poorly again. Sometimes I think: Drastic measures with poison would be
best for all concerned, sometimes I chide myself as heartless, feel sorry
for the little animals and ourselves. The terrible untidiness of the house,
the constant loss of time through the removal of the excrement are un-
pleasant additions to the principal evil. Meanwhile a stray little tomcat
has turned up in the garden; Eva has been feeding it for days now and
keeps it in the builders' hut. Should no owner be found for the
"Bartholo-Maus" (and none will be found), then the cat nuisance will be
even greater.

A few days ago a "law" was published, according to which Jewish
front-line veterans are to be retired on full pay. If that applies to me, then
my troubles are at an end.

December 2

The waiting really gets on my nerves. In fact everything suggests that
they will give me my full salary and even have to backdate it from Au-
gust. Because so far I have always received the 480M as "part payment"
and "until further notice," and I am, after all, a front-line veteran and
was, indeed, dismissed as a Jew. Also, I have heard that the whole Hu-
manities Section is to be wound up by April 1, '36, the professors are to
be in part transferred, in part retired. I too am one of them. But given the
arbitrariness and malice of the government, who can answer for the in-
terpretation and execution of its "laws"? They can say that I was dis-
missed on May 1, and not as a non-Aryan, but as superfluous (para 6!),
and the law applies only to those who have to go after January 1, '36.
They do not need to explain anything at all, since they are accountable to
no one.

Today it occurred to me: Never has the tension between human power
and powerlessness, human knowledge and human stupidity been so
overwhelmingly great as now. Radio, airplane — and the Fiihrer and Reich
Chancellor, the racial laws, Der Sturmer, etc. Also our powerlessness to
help our little black Nickelchen, who is slowly dying, an apathetic, thin lit-
tle stick.

Two serious depressions, which have lasted for several weeks now on
top of my uninterrupted heart problems: (a) the Diderot chapter is unex-
pectedly presenting me with excruciating problems. I have again and
again made alterations to the first section (Paradox and Hardouin), now,
as I am typing, I am still perfecting it and am still dissatisfied. I cannot
"put across" the Petrarch-Goncourt comparison, which seemed and still
seems so important to me. I should really like to complete the volume by
Christmas, (b) The torments of driving a car, senseless in every respect
and contrary to nature.

DECEMBER 1935

141

December 31, Tuesday afternoon. New Year's Eve

On December 29, at seven o'clock in the evening, I completed the first vol-
ume of my Eighteenth Century, Du cote de Voltaire or From Voltaire to
Diderot. I started writing it on August 11, '34, 1 started work on it in spring
'33. During the last few weeks I have so fixedly spent every possible hour
on it that I pushed everything else into the background. It was a state of
obsession and exhaustion; the obsessiveness held even when of necessity
I was occupied with something else. Typing and polishing it will now last
until March. But the book is finished and it is indeed good. However —
who will publish it? It will come to about 500 printed pages.

As second main point I place here the death of our little Nickelchen,
which really affected me like the death of a very dear human being
and which gave rise to all the "corresponding" bitter questions in me and
which still haunt me today. The animal, friendly to me and everyone else,
was attached to Eva with a touchingly ardent affection. It faded away in
the last ten, twelve days only half conscious, even completely uncon-
scious; when Eva lifted it up and put it on the table in front of her, it re-
covered a little and nestled against her. During the last few weeks he was
very dirty, the music room, in which we kept him, smelled dreadful,
looked dreadful; but we always thought, the little tomcat will recover. On
December 9 we took him to Dr. Gross. He was already lying quite still in
his box. There he was examined once more, was then given a prussic acid
injection. — Sentimental? But where is the difference as compared to the
death of a human being? — Nickelchen had come to us as a tiny baby stray
on July 31, '32.

Very disappointing was the settlement of my "retirement pension." The
shop window paragraph by which Jewish front-line veterans are to be dis-
charged on full pay was not applied — it exists for foreign opinion, is a lie
like every single thing this government does — not a professorial pension-
ing off, but the supererogatory paragraph 6. They calculated 61 percent
and gave me back pay of 59M for 6 months on top of the 480 "provisional"
marks. I must therefore make do with approximately 490M. Others live on
less money, but it is all the more disappointing since for quite a few weeks
we lulled ourselves in the hope of the full salary. However, this money
business must by no means drive us to despair.

The false hope had a very real consequence. We had so often talked
about driving, Eva's difficulties with walking, the bad money situation on
top of that, which forces us to economize on taxis and does not even allow
us to think of traveling, cars all around, nearly all the quite ordinary peo-
ple on our new streets have their garage, though admittedly they are busi-
ness people — in short: I booked a driving course at Strobach, paid 60M for
12 hours, and after two hours of theory began driving on November 22.

At first it went terribly badly, I came home completely shattered and
soaked through, then much better — the high point of my pride: a drive

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through the whole city (without feeling any fear!) almost as far as Pillnitz
and back (Luthe, the driver, mechanic, forty years old, simple man: "You'll
be a little racing driver yet, Professor!"), and then a short drive up here
with Eva in the car (a few minutes), the last time terrible again ("I don't
know. Professor, you always accelerate when you should be releasing the
accelerator, you drive into every obstacle, you can't turn" . . . etc., etc.). Re-
sponsible for this relapse was: (a) Luthe's mistake in hounding me
through the tangle of the city center, comer after comer, which exhausted
me dreadfully, (b) the depression about the money business. — The course
ended shortly before Christmas, without my being able to take the test.
Then I was seized by a mood of defiance. I also heard from various parties
that the test is not especially difficult and that at the beginning no one
drives confidently in the city, that after acquiring a driver's license one
still practices a long time for one's own benefit — various parties, id est: the
Isakowitzes, carpenter Lange, Fuhrmann, who delivered the cinders, etc.
[...].... On examining my inner self, I also believe that the initial feeling
of fear is actually gone. So a couple of days ago I went to Strobach (the
showroom in Sidonienstrasse, the big garage, from which we drove, is in
Polierstrasse) and booked a second course, this time for 40M. It is to start
next Monday at the latest and after this second course I want to — I want to
and must! — take the test. And once I get the driver's license, then I want
to take some money from the life insurance and buy a secondhand car
and, not having a garage, keep it in the garden under a tarpaulin. The car
will give us a little bit of life and of the world again. I have an income of
490M; I assume it is 400, and that the car will cost 90M a month. I should
not allow borrowing against the insurance policy to depress me. This year
I have to borrow the annual contribution from it anyway, so I borrow a
couple of hundred marks more. At a time like this, what point is there in
thinking about next year? Perhaps by then I shall be murdered, perhaps
have my post back, perhaps the insurance will be destroyed by inflation
again, as before, perhaps — I want to be frivolous, I want to be so quite de-
liberately. When I die, there must be a small pension there for Eva and in
that event she also gets a few thousand more from the insurance. The
mortgage of 12,000? Because of the extensions the house has risen in
value. Should the Wenglers foreclose after eight years, another mortgage
may be obtainable. The debt of 6,000 to Georg or his heirs? It can wait until
the policy matures and will not be foreclosed. I intend to be frivolous to
the utmost — I believe that is in Eva's interest. There is something like an
inner voice inside me, which drives me forward.

The pension , the car, Nickelchen, those were the big things of these last
diary-less one or two months. In between there were all kinds of lesser or
more everyday things: people, reading, cinema, "Uncle" — I shall have to
jot it down as a postscript tomorrow.

For today just the somber summary of the year 1935.

Dismissed on May 1, '35. Foreign hopes come to nothing. House exten-
sion. Eighteenth Century, volume I completed [...]. Driving lessons. —

DECEMBER 1935

143

Death of our little tomcat. Blumenfelds to Lima. Work at editing his Psy-
chology of Puberty. [ . . . ]

Still the Third Reich and hopes of living to see the fourth greatly di-
minished. — Very little hope of living to see much more at all: constant
heart trouble, the path up through the park my daily memento. Have
abandoned limiting my smoking and other precautions, in this too I want
to be frivolous. Less attachment to a long life. Frequent feeling that it is
coming to an end anyway. It was our most sedentary year, the longest
journey took us to Heidenau. — The most important thing however: I
learned to type!

Postscripts to 1935, noted down on January i, 1936

People: The final break came with the Kaufmanns, who are now leaving
Dresden and emigrating to Palestine. Their nauseous trimming and crawl-
ing up everyone's arse and show of education and tolerance, and contin-
ual meanness and tactlessness. Fischer and the Modem Philologists'
Congress put the lid on it. Frau Fischer, lavished with kindness by the
Kaufmanns, was "not allowed" to stay with Jews, but came to Dresden
and visited the Kaufmanns. Fischer, the so-called man of the family,
thought it inopportune, like all the other Congress participants, even to
get in touch with me by telephone. [ . . . ] Frau Kaufmann thought it nec-
essary to phone and inform me of the Fischers' presence, and seemed to
want to invite us together. I was very blunt and that was the end of an al-
most fifteen-year (long since tarnished) friendship.

The Blumenfelds went to Lima. On her last visit here Frau Kuhn
preached calm to me and was herself all too calm with respect to National
Socialism. So there too: an end. — Spamer came to visit me once in No-
vember and was too mild for me. He closes his eyes to everything terrible
and is a beneficiary. An important man as an ethnologist, director of some
national organization, publisher, speaker at a congress in Edinburgh, pro-
posed for the chair in Berlin. He wears his gray hair in nicely coiffured
locks hanging down to his shoulders. Jesus from Oberammergau. Der
Sturmer is a "little yellow press rag," such as there have always been,
Gertrud von Rudiger overwrought and not to be taken seriously. (In
Upper Bavaria she was fortunate enough to photograph Hitler's dog!) On
the other hand, it does not seem to him out of the question that, as master
painter Lehmann maintains, Stepun is a police spy. He has been assured
that he will keep his post, whereas the rest of the TU Humanities Section
is being wound up. And Janentzky is a coward and is clinging to his in-
come. He himself, Spamer, would gladly leave, the Bibliographical Insti-
tute is offering him a post with 500M a month; that would leave him time
for scholarly work. I no longer quite trust the honest and easygoing
Spamer, he is playing a role of complete innocence, and it both suits him
and leaves everything open to him.

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The Wenglers have remained loyal to us, Anna Mey, the secretary, Irene
Papesch, the teaching assistant, Susi Hildebrandt and the paymaster's
daughter Ursula Winkler.

On December 10 we were invited to Frau Schaps. The old warmth, and
we liked her Gerstle children better than before.

In the course of this year we won as new friends the Isakowitz family.
That has turned into a really warm friendship with father, mother and
daughter. They will probably emigrate to England, and that would be a
real loss for us.

On December 1 and 3 Berthold Meyerhof — in Dresden on business —
was our guest, and it was the old good friendship.

Gusti Wieghardt emerged from her absence in Czechoslovakia, Karl
Wieghardt from his semester in Gottingen. They were here at Christmas,
yesterday — a lot of alcohol! — we were their guests. [ . . . ]

To be able to believe! Hatzfeld sent some printed matter with a penciled
note: "Ex-professor! 75 percent" I do not know whether 75 percent Aryan
or non- Aryan; the effect is the same. When I wrote to him warmly and at
length, he replied that I was too bitter, cats were a "poor way to repress
things," "only the faith in a personal God" could do anything to help, I
was "too much of a rationalist." I responded to his New Year's card: There
was a great deal to be said about repression and nothing to argue about.
Walter Jelski wrote an intelligent and contented letter from Jerusalem,
where he is an insurance agent.

Lion, the engineer and technical journalist, an in-law and friend of
Berthold Meyerhof, was here one afternoon. He is emigrating to the
USA — could I recommend him to my nephew. I could not, but we were
very hospitable to him. An altogether likable man of 40 years of age.
Firmly convinced that the 3rd Reich will last into "double figures." Gusti
Wieghardt on the other hand, usually well informed through the Party
and from abroad, believes with certainty in a collapse in the next few
months. But it will not be followed by anything good (i.e., nothing Com-
munist).

Michel Scholze, the husband of Agnes, peasant in Piskowitz, came as he
does every Christmas, sold us a goose, gave us a sausage as a present and
received presents for Agnes. The year before he had still reported a pass-
able degree of contentment. Now he talks of widespread resentment,
partly of an economic, partly of a religious nature. The Sorbs around Ka-
menz are strictly Catholic. "We shall not let God be taken from us. We
would rather die!" Language of the twentieth century! But I no longer
quite believe in the actual outbreak of a crusade.

Scholze took "Uncle" with him in a little box and wrote a few days ago
in his laborious German: "The health of Uncle is very well." "Uncle" is a
strong wild tomcat, not castrated. He used to come here very occasionally.
About two months ago we noticed that he was constantly on our piece of
land, shy yet friendly. He seemed to be turned out and homeless. It grew
colder, the mice probably disappeared. He regularly spent the night on the

DECEMBER 1935

145

mat in front of the hallway door, let himself be fed, became more trusting,
but belligerently put the Schmidts' Peter to flight, was at daggers drawn
with Muschel, startled unsuspecting visitors with sudden wild flight or by
spitting. It grew even colder. Eva put out a box with straw for him. We fed
him, but he became thinner, dirtier, was also very cold, made us feel very
sorry for him, had no one besides us. Now he is in good hands in
Piskowitz.

The cat's name "Uncle" comes from Annemarie in Heidenau. We see
her rarely, but she is one of the most loyal to us (and like us counts the
days of the tyranny). On every birthday and festival she gives us expen-
sive modem books, chosen with the best of taste. (It no longer gives me
any pleasure to own such books. I would like dictionaries, reference works
of every kind, only such things now. Mater Schaps has given me a com-
plete Rousseau, as well as the works of Eugen Hirschberg on D'Alembert
and the opera wars of the eighteenth century, from the library of her de-
ceased brother. Curious coincidence: My attention was drawn to these
things through my work during the last few months; I could not get hold
of the opera monograph. The author was, I believe, a distant relative of
hers, a wealthy banker, who in his later days discovered his love of the Ro-
mance languages and took his doctorate in Leipzig. T had found the Dis-
cours preliminaire in the State Library; the opera book will do service with
Rousseau.)

Among the most loyal I must of course not forget the four "respectable"
Kohlers. In the last few weeks we were there and they here.

[..•]

After a mild early winter and a few frosty days the weather is now al-
most springlike. It could be March.

I still have three wishes as an author: Volume II of the Eighteenth Cen-
tury, the Language of the Third Reich (or of the Three Revolutions) and
"My Life." What will be fulfilled? My heart and my eyes are failing me.
But I shall work, my quota daily, comme si de rien n'etait. And shall not
ask what the point of it all is and what the prospects of success.

Yesterday and the day before yesterday there was a host of letters to an-
swer, yesterday and today the diary.

First work in the new year: the Cacouac supplement. It took weeks and
a lot of bother until I was able to get hold of the two copies extant in Ger-
many from Bonn and Gottingen.

1936

January 24, Friday evening

My first Strobach receipt dates from November 16, my registration for
driving lessons; on November 22 my first time at the wheel. Then weeks
of despair. On December 28 registration for the second course. It started
on January 2 and lasted for thirteen hours, all in all I have driven 25 times.
I passed the test yesterday morning. This business is really two things for
me, a victory over my own nature, achieved with great difficulty, and a
matter of the utmost importance. The preliminary work for building the
garage is already under way with Lange, the carpenter, feelers have al-
ready been put out to buy a car, an application has already been made to
the Iduna. I want to take 3,000M from my policy, out of that cover the in-
surance itself for one year (about 800M), build and buy with the rest. Des-
perado actions — appropriate to the times. Who guarantees the security of
the policy? The garage raises the value of the property. I would like to re-
late all this in more epic fashion. But I am still much too tired to do so.

During this driving-lesson time I have made Diderot good enough to
print. Copied, provided footnotes, collated. An hour ago I dotted the last
"i." On Sunday or Monday I shall begin making a typewritten copy (re-
working certain points) of the first three books of the volume. The com-
pleted Book IV, however, makes up a good third of the whole.

All of this despite a bad heart. Pains in my throat every day when Tm
climbing up here. They were also very bad yesterday during the test. [ . . . ]

January 25, Saturday

After overcoming a serious depression, because the first driving course had
been in vain and my " retirement pay" assessment so low (480M), on De-
cember 28 1 registered for the second course in a mood of defiance. It began
agreeably on January 2. Luthe had to drive the tenant of the Zauckerode
Crown Estate to his farm via Freital, and so by chance I had a practice drive
in the country (the road along the Weisseritz below Dolzschen). That went
very well. It was also very interesting out in the country. The tenant, an el-
derly man with the Party badge [ . . . ] showed me his stalls, in particular his
pig breeding, and complained bitterly: Previously he had twelve-year ten-
ancy agreements, and said he could work only with long agreements. Now,
however, there was a gentleman in the Ministry who was concluding only
one-year agreements, he was all-powerful, it was impossible to get to him

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

by writing, still less to talk to him. I played the innocent: How could that be
reconciled with the NSDAP principle of safeguarding agriculture, the farm-
ers? Exasperated reply: Not at all, it was not at all "what the Fiihrer
wanted" — but what could one do? There was a man sitting there, against
whom one was powerless ... I said nothing and was glad.

On the fourteenth I had another nice driving lesson. We drove through
the city after dusk, between five and six, up to Dolzschen village and back
to Polierstrasse. It was my one and only night drive, it went not badly and
I came home in rather high spirits. But for all of the rest of the eleven
lessons (almost daily) we always drove in the city. Sometimes it went
really well, sometimes wretchedly. I had overcome the terrible fear and
helplessness of the first few times, but I nevertheless came home covered
in sweat every time; very often Luthe grabbed the wheel and maintained
that without him I would have done some mischief or other, I was driving
straight at obstacles, accelerating where I should be braking, etc., etc. After
a while I felt really miserable and somewhat overtrained. I told myself I
should now be practicing alone, in a quiet location to begin with. Luthe,
however, had the test in mind and repeatedly forced me into the heaviest
traffic and narrowest streets. [ . . . ] On Wednesday we drove for the last
time. I took the splendid porticus of Portikusstrasse, with its terrible bot-
tleneck and problems, I did very well crossing over and driving down
Pragerstrasse — but "turning'' and "reversing"! I always confused right
and left. Luthe's final instruction: comers as slowly as possible, if I nudge
you with the tip of my shoe, let go of the accelerator pedal! — On Wednes-
day afternoon I once again had a little look at the engine, which is still
fairly mysterious to me; I thought I knew the traffic regulations. I was re-
quired to be at 2 Kulmstrasse at quarter to eight on Thursday morning.

The Thursday began badly. I have been having dental treatment for a
while, a disgusting root infection. Against all habit I spent the night lying
awake with the pain; I had to get up at half past five. I lit the stove, attended
to Muschel, to Eva's breakfast, trotted off at quarter past seven and lost my
way. Up Bemhardstrasse to the top of the hill, experiencing severe difficul-
ties with my heart, pains in my throat. Up there at quarter to eight. And
Kulm Strasse was down by the District Court! (15 years a professor of the
TU, and I have never been in the new buildings on Mommsenstrasse!) I ar-
rived down there at eight, completely shattered, bathed in sweat, in pain —
there was plenty of time. A dozen people were sitting in the waiting room
next to the cashier's office, gradually we increased to fifteen. Mostly young
people, a girl among them, all younger than I, most of them working class
or the like. Only one gentleman from my driving school, early forties, a war
invalid who drives a specially constructed car. (Hand accelerator, brakes
and clutch all close together, since he is missing one leg.)

We paid 10M at the counter and were allocated to examination rooms. I
was with five people, including the one-legged man. A proper classroom,
a lectern (splendid view of the heights on the other side of the Elbe!), a
gray-haired engineer, so Austrian that he did not seem Aryan at all. Herr

JANUARY 1936

151

Doctor Klemperer — what is on the rear axle? I, proudly: the differential
gear, around the wheels ... I also knew something about engine-cooling,
about dipping headlights, about green and yellow lights on city squares.
But I did not know the new "No Waiting" sign, the one-legged man whis-
pered it to me, and engineer Kroh said, "But no prompting!" Had I been
asked about the ignition, things would have gone badly. But it went quite
well, I knew just as much and as little as the others, the examiner was very
nice, gave a helping hand all the time, explained things — this hour from
half past eight to half past nine passed very cheerfully. It was very funny
that I, a professor and senator of the TU, was sitting there as an examinee:
I had thought that the oral in 1914 was the last examination I would take
and in the subsequent twenty years I myself have so often been an exam-
iner. The "oral," therefore, was behind me. Then someone called out,
"Strobach Driving School leaves at 10:30."

Now we stood around outside the building for an hour. The weather was
fine, about 34 degrees, I was very cold, but chatted with the others. [ . . . ]

Then Luthe arrived with the invalid's special car. I was squeezed into
the back, next to me came the examiner — not the one who had tested us
orally — a fat man, about forty, rather overbearing and brutal in disposi-
tion. He complained about the car; he found fault with the driver from the
start, when Luthe tried to intervene, he said authoritatively: "I'm speak-
ing." He had the man drive into the city, down to the Elbe embankment,
stop, reverse, drive on. I felt as if someone were being guillotined in front
of me and I was next. It ended at Strobach in Polierstrasse. Long palaver,
the engineer required a modification to the brake.

Now at last it was my turn. Luthe had drilled me to be easy on the ac-
celerator and then even easier than that, to start up gently. I started up so
gently that the car did not move from the spot. "That is not the way to do
it," said the examiner behind me. Then the car started moving. Postplatz,
Altmarkt, Johannstrasse, right, toward Pragerstrasse, across it, another
loop, out towards the station, Bismarckplatz, Werderstrasse. It really did
not go badly. But I had a pain above my chest, and Luthe was all the time
secretly knocking my foot off the accelerator, and from behind Lindner
was shouting: "You're standing still, do step on it!" At Werderstrasse,
when I believed myself to be already out of danger: "Stop, turn!" Natu-
rally I confused right and left again. But then I got around, and the exam-
iner was quite gentle. He seemed to feel pity for my advanced years. Back
to Kulmstrasse, I stopped well, had also managed a good start from a last
halt with the hand brake on an uphill street. "It was not a brilliant perfor-
mance— I am giving you the driving license!" — I was in such a state that I
was quite unable to be pleased. I asked Luthe why he had constantly
stopped me accelerating. "Professor — I was sweating blood — I never once
took my hand off the clutch (teaching car with two clutches) — you were
driving too fast all the time. You would not have managed a single comer.
Just let the examiner complain. No one fails because of driving too slowly;
but bump against the curb and you're finished." Then Luthe drove me

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

over to Isakowitz (I was glad to let myself be driven!). After the treatment
I went to Postplatz and bought a bottle of Haute Sautemes. In the evening
we both celebrated. Con amore. — But I am still shattered today.

And today Isandro, the Strobach representative, was here. The young
man is indeed right: A new car would be the most sensible thing. But the
money. We are quite undecided.

On January 3 we were invited to the Isakowitzes together with Gusti. It
was very pleasant — but unfortunately Friday evening, hats were brought
in again, also for the unsuspecting Karl Wieghardt, and Dr. Berlowitz,
likewise a dentist, and a younger brother-in-law of Isakowitz, sang a long
prayer — fabulously authentic and eastern. It got a bit on my nerves. On
another evening we had Gusti Wieghardt and Frau Schaps here, and we
were at Gusti's once. We are to be there again this evening. On Monday
she is traveling to Denmark for several months.

January 31, Friday evening

[...]

My health is very poor. My heart, my eyes. In addition, painful inflam-
mations on head, shoulders. Weeks of torment at the dentist. Tomorrow he
wants to carry out an operation, a resection: I am not looking forward to it.
(And the expense!)

The car business has been tiresome so far. The district authority is bul-
lying me because of the planned garage. A shed with a flat roof "disfig-
ures" the neighborhood. But the garages all around have flat roofs! But
this is an opportunity to annoy "the Jews." So a roof with a pitch of 45 de-
grees. A dog kennel, says Eva. The negotiation up in the District Office
upset me very greatly. My helplessness and lack of rights weighed upon
me. — Nor has a suitable car — a new one costs too much — turned up yet.
Again and again I have doubts about whether the whole business is sensi-
ble and right. We are poor, our future is quite uncertain, I believe ever
more frequently that I have only a short, very short time left to me, and I
want to spend 2,000M of my life insurance on this luxury. But perhaps it is
after all not as senseless as it appears to me.

The political situation is increasingly depressing. I have hardly any
hope of living to see a change. Everyone knuckles under — baseness tri-
umphs over all. Yesterday the pompous celebrations of January 30. Three
years! It may turn out to be a hundred.

[...]

February 11, Tuesday

After mild springlike weather suddenly, for the last two days, severe cold,
14 degrees in the mornings.

FEBRUARY 1936

153

The situation ever darker. In Davos a Jewish student has shot the Ger-
man Party agent of the NSDAP. For the moment, as the Olympic Games
are taking place here, everything is being hushed up. They will turn on the
hostages, on the German Jews later. That is how it is on the whole. And in
my own case: I am the only Jew in Dolzschen Rural District, at least the
only "prominent" one. Kalix, the mayor, has already raised difficulties
and complained to Pratorius about me, when we built the extension in the
summer. I was "disfiguring" the neighborhood with a wooden house and
tar-board roofing. It is worse now with the garage. A few weeks ago, a
garage, the usual shed with a flat roof, was completed here on Kirschberg.
But I am not allowed to build one. This year there must be no more disfig-
urement; they are demanding a pointed decorative roof, which would take
space and view from us. At the District Office I told a clerk: "I am not dis-
figuring anything. Then there will simply be no construction and no
work." He: "You can perhaps talk to the mayor, but I don't think . . ." I: "I
am not begging for anything that appears to me a matter of course.
Good-bye." — The next day the master mason and the carpenter go to the
mayor and ask him [to reconsider] for the sake of their work. He gives
them a message for me: I did not seem to know the way things were, I was
a guest here, and he had a mind to take me into custody for a night. Re-
ported by Lange, the carpenter (who had his house searched a few weeks
ago and was threatened at the police station: denunciation, a scientific
book was found, which the "fugitive Jew Blumenfeld" had left for him —
after Lange had helped him pack and so on). I am very well aware that my
life really is in danger. — The whole business with the car seems ever
more absurd.

A gentleman addressed me on Postplatz. "Do you not recognize me?
Dr. Kleinstiick, rector of Vitzthum Grammar School. I passed you recently,
you saw me and looked away. I was afraid you looked away because you
thought I would not greet you. That is why I am addressing you today.
How are you?" His behavior moved me, I told him about my situation and
added: "Furthermore, I have been told that you. Rector, are a big Nazi."
He: "Oh God, one can never do everything right for people, I do not know
from one day to the next whether I shall still have my post the next day.
My sister ..." What is wrong with her? "She was private secretary to
Chairman Sommer, a Jewish industrialist. She was in custody for six
weeks." — That is the big Nazi rector of Vitzthum Grammar School.

On top of the worries and the constant heart problems I went through
great torments with my teeth. I could not make up my mind to undergo a
doubtful resection and had the bad tooth taken out. It could not be done
without my heart letting me down a little and without the injection hav-
ing unpleasant aftereffects.

Last Sunday the Isakowitzes were our guests in the evening. The man
is much worn down by worry and uncertainty; despite his despair he told
terribly smutty jokes, he himself said: "Out of despair." Dressel and Anne-
marie were here about two weeks before. Otherwise quite isolated.

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I type and revise Voltaire, Eva paints the music room. And again and
again car offers and garage building plans. Isandro, the salesman, whose
Florentine family was called Isidoro, is amusing. Italian on his father's
side, Greek on his mother's, we suspect a strong dose of Jewishness. He is
employed at Strobach, is making an effort on our behalf, is a likable man.
His father is in the tobacco trade here; the son did military service in Italy
and learned Italian only then. In other respects, too, looking for a car gives
one a view of a different world. But the business is pure madness and des-
peration, like Isakowitz's smutty jokes.

[...]

No news from Georg since October. He wanted to emigrate and speak
to me in person before that.

March 6

In October Georg wrote that he was emigrating, but would see me before-
hand. I wrote back, I sent him good wishes for the New Year, I wrote to
Freiburg two weeks ago. No reply.

On the third, after a gap of several months, Susi Hildebrandt and Ur-
sula Winkler (my last students) were here for coffee. Susi Hildebrandt told
us she had heard from her aunt that Georg was in the USA.

Yesterday I spoke to Marta at the station; she was traveling to see her
boy in Prague; he is still waiting for an entry permit to the Soviet Union.
She told me, Georg has emigrated to Boston where his son has a hospital
medical post. He visited the Sussmanns in Cologne beforehand, he at least
wrote Marta a farewell letter. Me he left alms of 6,000M in the summer (be-
cause he had promised Father!) and then he brushed me aside. He evi-
dently considers me dishonorable because I am staying in Germany. I
shall probably never see him again. He is over seventy, and I have a poor
heart. — Marta went on to tell me: Felix's eldest has gone to Brazil, Betty
Klemperer wants to go to the USA, the Sussmanns and the Jelskis them-
selves also want to get away — even before the Olympics. I shall be the last
of our family here and shall perish here. I can do nothing else.

We are literally digging ourselves in. It is madness, but perhaps this
madness will be victorious and the best investment. We have now got to
the point of excavating the garage. After an endless amount of trouble it is
now to be built into the terrace at the front. That will cost at least 900 to
1,000M. The car was bought on March 2. 850M — but 19M a month tax on
top of that. Opel 32hp, 6 cylinders, built in 1932, completely open. The gro-
cer had recommended a reliable mechanic, Michael, to us, and he drove us
from dealer to dealer. We first saw "our car" through a window, but be-
hind locked doors (at Meyer's in Friedrichstrasse). Its appearance capti-
vated us. It was here in the afternoon, it was bought in the evening. I have
not seen it since. It is lodged with Michael, who is to give it an overhaul. I
can only drive it once the papers have been obtained from Brandenburg

MARCH 1936

155

district. Will I be able to drive? How will my nerves, how will my money
bear up? 19M tax, 33M insurance a month! The whole thing a desperado
adventure. — On our sightseeing tour in Vogel the grocer's car (in return
he takes care of the insurance) we saw a vast garage building on Amhold-
strasse, a whole casemate system as it were, hardly noticeable from the
road. What a commercial item the car, and everything that goes with it,
has become! A world.

After many false starts, Lange, the carpenter, skillful but unreliable, in-
telligent, but like a twelve-year-old boy, has placed the whole garage busi-
ness under the formal aegis of his master builder, Grosche. A curious fellow,
whose folksy talkativeness has already cost me two afternoons. [ . . . ]

The "respectable" Kohlers were here on the evening of February 28.
Kohler Sr. told us that Poland (our ally!) has blocked all freight traffic on
the railway through the Corridor because of debts, because we paid in
marks instead of zlotys. The most important foodstuffs — and corpses —
were coming from East Prussia by sea.

Isakowitz informed me by telephone that he has permission to practice
in England and wants to leave in April. We shall soon be quite alone.

I type and polish my book every hour I can. I am at Fontenelle. Perhaps
I shall manage it by the end of April.

I am always tired, always have shoulder pains and breathing difficul-
ties, smoke a lot, type, have to lie down on the sofa, sleep for a quarter of
an hour, continue typing. The days slip away. I live in a state of constant
dull anxiety, I am all the time waiting for the end, for my end, for some-
thing. There is not a moment's time for boredom. A lot of housework, a lot
of typing, on top of that the constant distraction caused by the building of
the garage and the attendant hitches.

[...]

On February 29, 4,500 bricks from the demolition of a nursery garden
were delivered. Price including transport 105M; new they would have
cost 156. We formed a chain and unloaded and stacked. My heart gave me
trouble occasionally, on the whole it was all right, but the following day I
had bad muscle pains. The heavy physical work is no problem for Eva.
She works all day in the garden helping to move earth, etc. In rainy
weather she paints the music room and does carpentry in it.

March 8

Yesterday on Bismarckplatz I ran into the middle of Hitler's Reichstag
speech. [ . . . ] I could not get away from it for an hour. First from an open
shop, then in the bank, then from a shop again. He spoke in a completely
healthy voice, most of it was well formulated, read, not overladen with
pathos. The speech on the occupation of the Rhineland ("breaking the Lo-
carno Treaty"). Three months ago I would have been convinced there
would be war the same evening. Today, vox populi (my butcher): "They

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won't risk anything." General conviction, and ours too, that everything
will remain quiet. Hitler's new "act of liberation," the nation rejoices —
what does internal freedom mean, what do we care about the Jews? His
position is secured for an indefinite period. He has also dissolved the
Reichstag — no one knows the names of those "elected" — and "asks" the
people to [confirm] him through a new election on March 29, etc.

I am infinitely depressed, I shall not live to see any change.

March 23

It will be a tremendous triumph for the government. It will receive mil-
lions upon millions of votes for "peace and freedom." It will not need to
fake a single vote. Internal policies are forgotten. — Exemplum: Martha
Wiechmann, who visited us recently, previously completely democratic.
Now: "Nothing has impressed me so much as rearmament and marching
into the Rhineland." And then: "I heard a lecture about Russia, that is too
dreadful, we are much better off." (a) The horror stories about Russia are
believed; (b) only the alternative Bolshevism-National Socialism is recog-
nized, nothing in between; (c) in the intoxication of foreign policy every-
thing else has been forgotten. — It all impresses the foreign powers and,
despite condemnation by the League of Nations and the proposal of a
supranational police authority for the Rhine zone, will also be a tremen-
dous victory for Hitler. He flies from place to place and gives triumphal
speeches. The whole thing is called an "election campaign." The Kroll
Opera is called the Reichstag. Typical. Those elected are chorus, extras, the
claque. Hitler said recently: "I am not a dictator, I have only simplified
democracy." Napoleon's coins at first bore the words "Republique
frangaise." [ . . . ] Ursula Winkler introduces her fiance, Greiner, to us.
Bavarian through and through, Protestant theologian, prospective clergy-
man. He told us about a circular from the Minister of the Interior on Na-
tional Socialist festivity: "Liturgy," "Singing together," "Reading out the
text" (from Hitler's writings), etc. [ ... ] The election rules refer to Aryans,
Jews and "half-breeds."

Marta on her return journey from Prague expressed uncommon opti-
mism. Then came Martha Wiechmann as vox populi. Then came the never
ending "election propaganda" and England's deal making. My basic
mood at every hour of the day: I shall not live to see the tide turn.

Friendly letter from Georg in Boston — but from Boston. I am dismissed,
paid off.

Today the third week of the construction of the garage. The hall itself
(truly a hall 22 x 9 feet) is up. But the earth-moving, digging and access
raise the cost of everything immeasurably (given my circumstances). Af-
terward we shall be left without any reserve. This causes me increased
anxiety with every day that passes. Even the car itself only gives me real
pleasure for minutes at a time. A double worry outweighs it. (1) The cost.

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157

It has turned out that we need 4 not 3 gallons of gasoline per 62 miles. So
cheated after all. Tax, insurance and a single wash already amount to ap-
proximately 66M monthly. And I have 484M "retirement pay!" (2) The
constant worry that I as a driver must not cause any mischief. On March
19, the car with all the documents was finally at our disposal. Since then I
have been driving with Michael every day, who is not as careful as
Luthe — visited us recently! — but does his job quite well. At first after the
long gap of two months and with the fast car, to which I was not accus-
tomed, I drove very badly, now it is going substantially better. But I am
afraid of driving alone and of the responsibility for Eva. She comes on the
drives now. The first longer one was to Niederwartha. When I am driving
I see nothing of the landscape, my eyes are fixed on the road. Returning
from Niederwartha I fell asleep for a moment on Habsburgerstrasse [ . . . ]
The day before yesterday a trip up hill and down dale along narrow vil-
lage streets around Gorbitz went better. I saw a tremendous setting sun,
otherwise only road; yesterday the drive to Edle Krone, on a road with
many curves, went very well. But I do not feel absolutely confident by any
means. Driving in reverse is hard work for me, I cannot imagine direction.
Long straight country roads often disconcert me more than curves. The
trees flicker, I draw closer to them, correction, on the other hand, throws
me too far over to the left. I must force myself to drive slowly. With all
these worries and distractions the typing of the Eighteenth Century
moves forward at a snail's pace.

And always the inflammation or rheumatic pains on my head, in my
eyes, on neck, shoulders and arms, always the heart problems.

Now I have the driving license, the car, the garage — and feel even more
depressed than before.

When I took the car over, the odometer stood at 18,673 miles. Yesterday
afternoon I unfortunately had to let Michael have it for a trip to Kamenz,
etc.; he drove 80 miles. I myself already have 62 miles behind me. Yester-
day I tanked up for the first time, had air put into the spare tire. All of
them experiences for the present.

Because of the workers I have to rise before six, Eva also starts early. I
always feel sorry for her because I plague her with my money worries, I
am always in despair because the estimates of costs are so greatly ex-
ceeded and continue to be ever more so. The removal of earth and rubble,
the digging, etc. Again and again an extra man, more working hours, etc.

[..•]

March 31, Tuesday

The whole complex, garage construction-car is for the moment causing
endless worry, trouble and annoyance. Perhaps later on it will all appear
tragicomical, and we shall be amused by it; perhaps also everything will
go to pieces. There is too much that aggravates the situation: (1) The lack

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of money. The terrible digging, the rock, the deep excavation for the ac-
cess, the removal of rubble, have cost much more than foreseen. My re-
serves are completely exhausted, and nothing is quite finished yet, a huge
amount of earth and stone [ . . . ] is piling up in the devastated garden, the
construction of the veranda has come to a halt. I am beginning to face
the altogether desperate idea of taking even the last possible 1,000M from
the life insurance. Then we could probably manage the construction and
would not go short in the summer, but would have pretty much nothing
at all in January 37. And how can I count on any change in the situation,
after the plebiscite of the day before yesterday, the 99 percent for Hitler?
(2) and this was knocked into me on Sunday in the most painful way: Is a
Jewish professor allowed to have a car, to be "noticeable" in any way?
There was work being done in the gardens all around, strollers and voters
were streaming past, Lange, the carpenter (whom I had warned, this time
as so very often!) was hammering on the veranda, Eva was hoeing at the
side of the path. In the afternoon the policeman appeared, the same one
who has already several times recited his woes and shared his opinions
with me.

April 5, Sunday

In retrospect it is comical how the aforesaid policeman vacillated between
the roughness he had been ordered to display and respect and sympathy.
At the time it was dreadful, and objectively it is a terrible symptom of my
situation. He shouted at Eva, "he" (Kalix, mayor) had said, he should lock
her up, lock us all up. Prohibited work, "National Holiday," an SS man
had lodged a complaint against us at the polling station. I: "But it's our
garden, constable, there is work going on all around." He, quietly, courte-
ously, regretfully: "No complaint has been lodged against the others." The
carpenter was in a difficult position. He established that he had to secure
a wobbly veranda pillar, and this despite my warning about prohibited
Sunday work. So everything turned out well, or at least not too badly, but
the bitterness and uncertainty remained. Lange meanwhile is constantly
employed building air force barracks in Lausa (working day and night for
peace), and garage and arbor remain mere shells, unfinished. There is also
still a lot of work to be done on the driveway, the rubble is piled up moun-
tain high, a further 1,000M has been requested from the Iduna, final re-
serve which can be drawn upon has shrunk to 350M, value of the policy to
6,000M. But I am calmer again. Head down and keep going!

Meanwhile I, or we — because Eva bravely suffers with me— -have all
kinds of driving experiences behind us. [ . . . ] The worst: The car does not
start, so far all the checking and repairing has not really helped; we are al-
ready thinking of exchanging the six-cylinder for a four-cylinder. On Mon-
day evening we wanted to go to the Kohlers; the car stood in the garden

APRIL 1936

159

and would not move; at the last moment we had to order a taxi. This morn-
ing we were supposed to go to the confirmation of Annelies Lehmann,
daughter of our maid: Once more the car stands in the garage and does not
move. (In this case the trouble is not altogether unwelcome.) Sometimes
the engine is too cold, sometimes it is supposed to be the battery, some-
times the starter, sometimes the gaskets on the carburetor filter. The result
is always the same: it doesn't go; always expenses.

Aside from car and garage: (1) serious depression and hopelessness of
the general situation. (2) Heart problems. (3) Increasing indifference. (4)
Finished copying Volume I of the Eighteenth Century yesterday; there re-
main footnotes and reading through, about another few weeks. All in all
this volume (typed — close spacing! — 330 printed pages against 400) will
have cost me three years pure writing time since summer 1934. (5) Last
Sunday the Isakowitzes, man and wife, were here, ready to depart for
London, very nervous and low in spirit. [ . . . ]

I find writing by hand ever more difficult. It is probably also weakened
by the driving. So: typewritten letter to Gusti.

April 12, Easter Sunday morning

The car eats me up, heart, nerves, time, money. It is not so much my
wretched driving and the occasional agitation it gives rise to, not even the
effort of driving in and out of our property; but the car never works prop-
erly, something is always failing, I have lost all confidence in it, in the me-
chanics, in Michael, my chief nurse and adviser. I am always assured (with
receipt) that now everything is in perfect working order, and yet some-
thing goes wrong every time I drive it. Fuel pump, starter, battery, brakes,
tires. Most harrowing of all is the starter. I have now learned how to use
fuel injection and crank — yesterday I was my own mechanic on Bismarck-
platz. The worst was last week; we wanted to get to a timber dealer be-
tween Nausslitz and Wolfnitz. Just beyond the terminus of the Nausslitz
bus, before the hill: gasoline gone. (I thought empty, but no.) I went
through the village: no filling station. An old man and his son pushed the
car up to the crest of the hill. I let it roll, without the engine, down busy
Saalhausener Strasse. A filling station at last. Took 3 gallons. The car stalls.
A repair shop a little distance away. A mechanic from there works in vain
from five until seven. He fetches a car from his shop, tows ours away,
drives us home, brings the car at ten o'clock in the evening, under its own
power. Next morning I get the thing in front of the door, no further. It then
went on for days like that until Michael got "everything" in working order
(receipt!). Yesterday I simply went to Gesch, Feldschlosschenstrasse, from
whom I have a new battery (32M), for a little extra checkup. It lasted an
hour, then we had to go to a workshop: to mend the brakes. And so on day
after day. Exhaustion and misery. Today I have promised to pick up the

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Isakowitzes at eleven, so that we can go for a drive together. The question
is, will I get the car to start? Yesterday evening the rear light came on and
could not be switched off; we had to unscrew the bulb. What now? It
sounds comical, but drives me to despair. And always heart complaints
and always expenses.

It is already certain that the Voltaire volume will not be quite perfect by
May 1.

[.■■]

As for politics I am completely apathetic and without hope.

April 24, Friday

The most difficult part of the corrections, the still quite virgin sections II,
m finished. Now just the footnotes to Part IV and revision of Zaire. And
then at last on to something new, Rousseau.

On the thirtieth it will be exactly one year since I lost my post. Then I
was at Marivaux. Since then the volume has been finished, I have had ex-
tensions built to the house, I have learned typing and driving, my heart
has got worse, my skin thicker, the political situation has remained un-
changed, I have not found a post abroad.

The car still rules me. On the whole I drive adequately. But the car vexes
me with two great weaknesses. The starter fails again and again; thanks to
an inconceivable consumption of gasoline, the tank is again and again
empty at impossible moments. Result: excessive costs, a great deal of an-
noyance and upset, hardly a single drive accomplished without incident
yet. Sometimes it is impossible to get the car out of its stable two days in a
row. — Our biggest runs so far: Grillenburg, where we visited Fraulein
Carlo in the Gopfert hostel, Kesselsdorff-Wilsdruff, where we bought two
handsome broom shrubs in a nursery. Yesterday proudly to the dentist by
car. On the return journey on Bismarckplatz gasoline runs out, push it
close to the filling station, fetched gasoline in a can. The only time I got
into real danger was also on Bismarckplatz. I was coming from the bank
alone, wanted to drive off, rammed an empty DKW in front of me, re-
versed, forgot, in my panic, to indicate, and narrowly missed being caught
by a bus. God, how the driver swore! — I still do not dare drive faster than
30 miles an hour. — We must try to exchange the car as soon as possible
for a four-cylinder one that consumes less gasoline and costs less to insure.
I still find the most difficult thing is driving in and out here at home. I re-
peatedly dent the mudguard, damage the gate and the little garden wall.
One has to persevere; perhaps the pleasure is still to come. — Work on
garage and veranda advances very slowly; Lange has regular work and
finds little time for us. — I lifted money from the Iduna once again; our
last reserve has now been committed.

APRIL 1936

161

The Garden Show, for which we have bought season tickets, opens
today. This flower show is a major reason for my decision to learn to drive.
Eva so much wanted to see just this show. To take a taxi there every time
would be prohibitive; but if she has to go on foot as far as the tram, then
she is already completely worn out by the time she gets there. The second
motive was that Heiss, as Vossler wrote, had "died of heart failure beside
his little car." I thought: Heiss was my predecessor here in Dresden in this
respect also. The third reason: that as a dismissed non-Aryan front-line
veteran I expected to get my full salary. That hope came to nothing, and so
there was the fourth motive: dawke or proprio!

We become ever more lonely, I become ever more mistrustful. Espe-
cially since Martha Wiechmann swung over to the Hitler front. Why has
there been not a word from Annemarie Kohler for months? Why has Jo-
hannes Kohler not phoned, as agreed, to arrange an excursion by car to-
gether?— The Isakowitzes are getting ready to emigrate to London, after
that we shall be quite alone.

Today I had a dream that is characteristic of the general situation. A
government declaration in bold print covered many pages of the news-
paper: an ultimatum, "failing this" war would begin in 24 hours. And I
could not find out who the enemy was. It seemed to be Turkey, but I really
could not understand it properly. I wanted to ask Eva and woke up.

The whole foreign policy situation is entirely opaque. The play of inter-
ests England-France-Italy-Russia is too tangled up. But what is clear is
that tremendous arming is going on in this country, which is in an ex-
tremely powerful position. And that Hitler has never been more firmly es-
tablished. On his birthday, April 20, he made Blomberg a field marshal.
Wilhelm II is a novice compared to the present masters.

Evening

From six until quarter to seven we waded through the garden show,
which was opened today, in pouring rain, the ground sodden; I got my
way and drove Eva there in the car. I maneuvered wretchedly on Stii-
belplatz and had to go up a side street — but I got my way. So far there was
little to see at the show, the main thing a hall with pictures and words in
the advertising style of the 3rd Reich, for Hitler, Blood and Soil, produc-
tive work, peasants, etc. — but I got my way and drove Eva to the first day
of her show.

April 28, Tuesday

The driving is gradually becoming more enjoyable. The garden gate is still
torture, but the starter works, I am driving better, and we use the car a

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lot — Eva really has become more mobile. We have already been four times
to the flower show, from which she gets a great deal, and which in the
main gives me pleasure for her sake; we combine these visits with other
things, the dentist, today the railway station, where we greeted Maria
Strindberg, who was passing through. We were at the Wenglers one after-
noon, before that at the exhibition again, and then also in Radeberg with
them. I do not see much when I am driving, but the driving itself is a plea-
sure and a distraction, and Eva is no longer as trapped and bound to the
house as she was previously. — D'altra parte: Tiredness, heart problems,
expenses.

And hopelessness of the situation. A decree for civil servants: They are
prohibited from "consorting with Jews, including so-called decent Jews,
and disreputable elements." We are completely isolated. We have heard
nothing from Annemarie Kohler, nothing from Johannes Kohler for
weeks.

[...]

May 3, Sunday evening

Yesterday, May 2, 1 completely finished the first volume of the Eighteenth
Century, bundled up the whole manuscript, which is ready to go to press,
and laid it to rest, without particular hope of its resurrection. Today I
began, with considerable reluctance, to read the Contrat social.

[...]

May 10, Sunday — drive to Piskowitz

Agnes our first Wend maid, go-between for the subsequent ones, seven
years married, lives in Piskowitz by Kamenz. We had promised that the
first excursion by car would be to her, and we were invited there yester-
day. On Saturday evening we had come back from the show with a boiling
and dripping radiator, and Lange (he and his wife have been busy for
weeks now in the evening with the never-ending work on garage, veranda
and path), enthusiastic motorcyclist, jack of all mechanical trades, who has
straightened out my bent bumper X times, has piloted me into the entry X
times, Lange found nothing. So skepticism on Sunday morning. The first
two points of doubt, whether the engine would start and whether I would
get the car on to the road with a straight bumper, were resolved happily.
Now I drove to Opel-Harlan in Tharandter Strasse, who recently towed us
away, and had checked the brakes meanwhile — but the rattling remains —
and whom I owe 60M. Only a nut on the radiator outlet needed to be tight-
ened, in a couple of minutes and for a dime and a cigar I was in running
order. But always this uncertainty, anxiety and mechanical helplessness! I
now picked up Eva and at half past eleven, in humid, unsettled weather.

MAY 1936

163

we began our first "tour." I was wearing new, very dark goggles. Proudly
across the Altmarkt to the Neustadt, the same fine route that we recently
drove with the Wenglers, to Radeberg, then on to just before Pulsnitz.
There a bare hilltop, large, imposing black wooden cross with the inscrip-
tion "Versailles!," beside it a memorial stone to Schlageter. Wonderful
view all around and into the distance: a kind of round, green bowl, framed
by chains of low, forested mountains. [ . . . ] Continued after a quarter of
an hour. The little town of Pulsnitz seemed altogether insignificant. After
that a very straight road, rising steeply and falling just as abruptly, in the
distance, curiously, three exactly identical hills, as a child would draw
three green hills. At half past twelve we stopped in the market square of
Kamenz. We had put 28 miles precisely behind us, at points I had reached
a speed of over 30 mph. In the Golden Stag [ . . . ] a proper menu for Eva
and a forbidden kiimmel for me. We continued at two: the town did not
seem to present anything especially Wendish or anything else of special
note, a small town with a central marketplace, where cars park now, and
where Der Sturmer with its nice headlines adorns a pillar. [ . . . ] I drove
into a difficult gas station at a dashing angle and out of it again; after that
another 4 Vi miles on a poor road — the warning sign "Potholes!" was quite
unnecessary, one noticed them anyway — through a couple of villages to
Piskowitz. We stopped there as the first raindrops were falling and looked
around. As we did so Agnes' husband appeared and we drove onto his
farm. He helped us right away to pull up the top; a heavy thunderstorm
began. Emotional greeting: Agnes bore a stillborn girl at Christmas; she
has a good-looking four-year-old boy who cannot speak a word of Ger-
man yet, and a healthy stepson of about ten years, various relatives in the
house as well. It is a half-timbered house, somewhat in need of patching
up, but rather spacious and easy to live in, the house her husband was
born in. A large, low room downstairs, pictures of saints, Hindenburg and
Hitler (although the Wendish Catholics are not at all Nazi supporters —
nevertheless: "It may not be deliberate intention that so many injustices
are taking place," says Scholze), five tiny windows. Behind the house a
solidly built stall: two cows, one sow, goat with young, hens, pigeons, be-
hind that a large orchard and meadow, vegetable plots, in front of it a lit-
tle bit of garden and beehives. We drank coffee, we were supposed to wait
until the rain stopped, but it did not stop completely, so the outside in-
spection took place in the wet. Then with a bit of effort, I got the car
through the gate, and the four of us drove more than half a mile along a
bad road to the Scholzes' more distant farmland. They have a long, broad
strip of grain, a long potato field and a bit of woodland. Apart from that
the husband works in a quarry. These people are completely content and
live on their own produce.

The little village is entirely Wendish, the children learn German only at
school. The female dress is Wendish. The distinctive nationality of the peo-
ple, however, is as little evident in the appearance of the village as in the
appearance of Kamenz.

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Back from the fields we ate bread and sausage and drank coffee, were
also given a little sack of potatoes as a present. Then in solemn phrases
Agnes expressed her thanks for the visit of her "master and mistress" and
for "the words of comfort." Very genuine feelings and tears accompanied
by stiff, memorized, conventional words. (No doubt it is just the same
with the Catholic prayers.)

Set out for home at half past six. [ . . . ]

Today of course very tired. During the day slogged away at Ducros'
Rousseau as far as I could.

Writing with a pen becomes ever harder for me, my hand is unsteady,
my eyes fatigued. [ . . . ] This is my first attempt to switch to typing the
diary.

May 16, Saturday afternoon

Motorized wedding anniversary: yesterday evening after a very long gap,
to the cinema: left here at quarter past eight, parked on Freiberger Platz at
half past eight, back home at half past eleven, a quarter of an hour after it
ended. It was a great pleasure, and on this occasion the car really provided
what we had so much hoped it would. And this morning alone in the car
I did all the shopping in town— I now drive quite confidently in the city-
then at half past eleven to the tree nursery at Wilsdruff with Eva, almost
two hours there, loaded eight conifers (3 cwt — 34M) into the car, and back,
occasionally up to 30 mph. That was nice and pleasant, but in the last few
days I have paid Harlan 75M for checkups and small repairs, the gasoline
consumption is still excessive, my belief in the permanent health of the car
is small, my doubts of financial survival very great. All the greater as work
on the garage and — above all — on the driveway is never ending: "Dirt"
has to be carted away again and again, the evening work of the Langes
goes on and on, an old uncle of the wife is now in action all day, digging
away — it all costs money, and even the second and final Iduna reserve will
soon be eaten up.

The mood of the wedding anniversary? I feel old, I have no confidence
in my heart, I do not believe that I have much time left to me, I do not be-
lieve that I shall live to see the end of the Third Reich, and I let myself drift
along fatalistically without especial despair and cannot give up hope.
Eva's stubborn attachment to extending the house is a support to me. I
cannot imagine how I would bear the pressure, the humiliation, the un-
certainty, the loneliness without Eva. Things really are getting worse all
the time. Yesterday a farewell greeting from Betty Klemperer from Bremen
(and Felix was one of the first doctors to receive the Iron Cross, First Class,
he took part in the Hindenburg offensive against the Russians, bound
wounds in the trenches); now the women in our family are also leaving
Germany, and sometimes my staying here seems dishonorable to me — but
what should I, who could not even be a language teacher, do elsewhere?

MAY 1936

165

Isakowitz, whom Eva is seeing a lot of again (further financial deteriora-
tion), is emigrating to London in a couple of weeks; there is not a word
from the Kohlers, decentes et indecentes: A civil servant is not allowed to
consort "with Jews and disreputable elements." The foreign affairs situa-
tion is completely confused, but it undoubtedly presents the Hitler gov-
ernment with the greatest opportunities. The huge German army is feared
and used by every party: perhaps Germany will do a deal with England,
perhaps with Italy, but a deal will certainly be done and to the advantage
of the present government. And I certainly no longer believe that it has en-
emies inside Germany. The majority of the people is content, a small
group accepts Hitler as the lesser evil, no one really wants to be rid of him,
all see in him the liberator in foreign affairs, fear Russian conditions, as a
child fears the bogeyman, believe, insofar as they are not honestly carried
away, that it is inopportune, in terms of Realpolitik, to be outraged at such
details as the suppression of civil liberties, the persecution of the Jews, the
falsification of all scholarly truths, the systematic destruction of all moral-
ity. And all are afraid for their livelihood, their life, all are such terrible
cowards. (Can I reproach them with it? During my last year in my post I
swore an oath to Hitler, I have remained in the country — I am no better
than my Aryan fellow creatures.)

The work on Rousseau makes very slow progress: The man literally
sends me to sleep. I have now worked my way through the first two Dis-
cours and can in no way understand what is original about them. So many
empty phrases, superficialities, contradictions! And I cannot even dis-
cover the famous poetic or oratorical force and passion: For every thrilling
sentence there are ten tortuous, obscure, ponderous ones. And I find the
Contrat social no different.

I have to lie down three or four times in morning and afternoon, and
immediately fall asleep for several minutes. God knows if the second vol-
ume of my Eighteenth Century will ever materialize. [ . . . ]

May 21, Thursday morning. Ascension Day

Yesterday (as a couple of times already) nothing but a taxi driver: in the
morning took Eva to a nursery garden in Nausslitz, drove to the bank on
Bismarckplatz, back to Eva, in the afternoon went to fetch Annemarie
Kohler from Heidenau, I was alone and so lost my way, but on the return
journey uninterrupted conversation, at the same time hampered by ex-
tremely dazzling sunshine; in the evening took Annemarie to the station;
in a very weary state by now and once again bent the bumper on the gar-
den gate, damaged the wall of a flower bed. From the railway right away
to a filling station to have the bumper straightened, at home Eva immedi-
ately patched up the little wall with the headlights switched on. And
today we want to go to Rochlitz. Car, car over all, it has taken a terrible
hold of us, d'une passion devorante.

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

We had heard almost nothing from Annemarie for almost three months
and had already given her up for lost; finally I phoned her up, she should
tell us openly whether there was a ban on her seeing us. Reply: No, there
had simply been so many hindrances. Then we agreed to meet the next
day, and here everything was as it had always been, the old intimacy, the
old medical and political conversations, the old continual alternation be-
tween optimism and pessimism.

[ . . . ] My Rousseau-Ducros reading creeps along, nor is there much
reading aloud. Car, car over all, first and last thought.

May 24, Sunday evening eight o'clock

Yesterday the Isakowitzes announced their farewell visit for this evening at
nine o'clock (the ladies are leaving at the end of next week, he two weeks
later). I drove to Fiirstenstrasse in a terrible cloudburst, to invite Frau
Lehmann for today. — This morning to the garden show with Eva: the
magnificent rhododendron displays mostly from Seidel in Griingrabchen.
Then immediately after coffee away again, to Kipsdorf. Departure here:
quarter to four, arrival there, quarter to five; stayed an hour or so, managed
the return trip in 55 minutes. And now very tired and the guests still to be
faced. The car eats me up, Rousseau is a mere counterweight now.

Kipsdorf gave us considerable, somewhat melancholy pleasure. How
many memories it has for us. Old Nitzsche and his daughter dead, Georg,
who was with us there after his return from Lenin, in Boston. Etc. We our-
selves have not been there for years because Eva's feet fail her. Now the
very nice excursion in our own car. It was cloudy hazy weather, and
the landscape displayed itself to especially good effect. We walked part of
the way up toward Oberkipsdorf; nowhere around Dresden does one get
such a strong feeling of being completely shut in by hills and forests, of
being literally sealed off from the plain, the city, the world [...]. In the vil-
lage a new railway station with a place for cars to turn in front of it, a new
post office, otherwise little change. The beautiful road to Oberkips is now
called Adolf Hitler Strasse, and at the station Der Sturmer has its box and
there are Hitler Youths with collecting cans. — And now we are waiting
for guests who are fleeing Germany, while we stay here. And Eva is just
planting forest flowers which she dug up by hand in Kipsdorf.

May 27, Wednesday evening

A couple of weeks ago a small building plan of the garage had to be re-
produced, and it turned out the owner of the copy office was a brother-in-
law of Frau Hirche. I passed on kindest regards to our old neighbor. Then
Frau Hirche telephoned, and yesterday afternoon she was here for coffee.

JUNE 1936

167

Her husband was unemployed and receiving dole for a year — the Director
of the Eschebach factory, the owner of a Packard, the father of a lieu-
tenant— now he is traveler for a sheet metal company and on the road for
weeks. They are not well-disposed to the Nazis, but even they repeat the
nonsense that is hammered into everyone and is current among Jews as
well: But after them there would be the Communists and that would be
even worse! I fetched Frau Hirche from her apartment in Reichenbach-
strasse in the car, just as in their heyday the Hirches picked up Eva and
took her back in the evening. (Naturally there are plaques of Hitler and
Hindenburg in the living room.) In the late afternoon we went for a won-
derful drive. Pesterwitz, Wurgwitz, Kesselsdorf, Grumbach, Tharandt. We
stopped for a little while at an especially beautiful view of meadows and
woods. [ . . . ]

May 30, Saturday evening

Very resigned letter from Georg in response to my congratulations. Har-
vard University maintains an age-limit of 65, and he is 71; he no longer
feels fresh enough for the very brisk competition among doctors; hence he
has completely withdrawn from active life, awaits the end with equanim-
ity and is occupying himself with writing, including an attempt to de-
scribe his life, for which, however, he probably lacks the literary ability. He
hopes with all his heart that I obtain a post abroad and a foreign publisher.
It touched me very greatly that Georg too is thinking of memoirs. Ulti-
mately, after all, he and I are the real bearers of our name. If I could only
make up my mind to work at my Life. Instead of that I am endlessly read-
ing Ducros' Rousseau , am constantly falling asleep over it and cannot get a
grip on any of it.

The Isakowitzes' farewell visit last Sunday was fairly depressing, and
the leave-taking today at the station was very depressing. It was from the
women; over Whitsun the family is staying with relatives in Landeck,
while he is returning to his surgery for one more week, will also complete
Eva's treatment; mother and daughter are traveling to London via Berlin.
The day before yesterday I fetched flowers, which have been left to us,
from their liquidated apartment. A repetition of the Blumenfelds' depar-
ture. Nothing has changed in the meantime, the power of the Third Reich
has only grown ever greater and more secure.

[•••]

June 3, Wednesday

[.]

I read the third volume of Ducros to the end and feel just as empty with
respect to Rousseau as before. I do not know what will come of it.

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In the morning I had an unpleasant and costly experience. Michael,
who "ran me in," whom I have long known to be a hysteric and probably
also a drinker, but a decent human being nonetheless, who was a pilot
during the war, then unemployed for years, and now works as a fitter
with the army air units, a man 39 years old, came and immediately burst
into violent sobbing. He wanted only "to get things off his chest and say
good-bye," he was "finished," he wanted to die, he had his razor with
him, he could pay off 15M a week but not raise 150 all at once, word of
honor, he wanted to die, he could not bear it anymore, his girl, an illegal
abortion, 350 had been paid, the rest now due in May, he wanted to die,
his life insurance, and tears and razor and good-bye and 15M a week, and
so on for an exhausting hour. I told him that he was the victim of a shady
extortion and that he had nothing to fear, but nothing would calm him. I
fetched Eva to help me. Finally he got a check for 75M from us, main-
tained that he and his "bride" would clear the rest of the debt to the man,
whom he could not name, by the end of the month, thereafter repay the
money to me in weekly installments, had to be given another 22 pfennigs
for the tram and left for work consoled — presumably first of all to his fa-
vorite drink, a "warm schnapps." Only today I had made a gloomy esti-
mation of my finances, I have almost used up the reserve money from the
Iduna and do not know how I can keep the car on my pension alone. And
now another 75M, which I shall no doubt never see again. It is always
said that "good deeds" are their own reward — I do not feel very re-
warded at all. I was certainly the sucker in this affair. But one never
knows what a hysteric will think of. If I had kept saying no, he would
probably have done no more than drink two warm schnapps to
strengthen his nerves. But only probably. There was a little — and not such
a little — fear of a madman involved as well. In any case I am rid of my
75M. But I no longer get as upset about money as I did in former years.
With the constant uncertainty I have become exceedingly hardened. I
merely imagine how many liters of gasoline or apple trees for the garden
could have been had for this money. And the man doesn't thank me for it;
he thinks I am rich, after all I have a checkbook.

June 9, Tuesday

On Thursday the young Kohlers came to us in tears. His mother has died
of a weak heart after an operation, only 52 years old, a good, simple, very
generous woman. His father faces instant dismissal if they associate with
us, minor railway official living in a company apartment block shared
with many other parties. I cannot find it in myself to blame their Johannes
so very much, conflict of conscience, tears of nervous exhaustion. (Twice
on consecutive days this spectacle of weeping men.) We could not go to
the funeral, that could also have been risky for them. I sent a wreath and a
letter of condolence.

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169

June 10, Wednesday

If only I could get a handle on Rousseau. I have read my fill of mono-
graphs and biographies, I now want to get further into my own reading of
the texts. No doubt everything has already been said. But perhaps some
things look different in the light of contemporary experiences. Except I
lack all confidence and all impetus.

A couple of days ago Rector Kleinstiick (courageous!) sent his son, in
the upper fifth at Vitzthum, to me. The boy is interested in French litera-
ture, he has read my Corneille. I am to advise him further. A quite innocent
lad, moreover without any knowledge of French as a language, because in
Vitzthum they only begin French in the second half of the upper fifth
(which is educational nonsense). I found what he had to say about the
opinions of his class extremely interesting, also his use of language in
doing so. "We are all in the HJ; most of us would dearly like not to be in
it . . . They are 60, 80, 100 percent against the Nazis, only the three stupid-
est boys, whom no one respects, are entirely for it." To my question,
whether the others were German National (as they were in Vitzthum be-
fore 1933), came the serious and immediate response: "No, liber alis tic!"
Laughing, I explained to him what a pejorative was and that he had evi-
dently wanted to say liberal. Yes, certainly, but nowadays one always
hears the form "liberalistic." — The next generation will not belong to the
Party, but I shall no longer be here to see the reversal.

June 11, Thursday

The Rousseau torture continues. Now I am sitting in front of the Confessions ,
with which I am completely familiar through the monographs (and my own
reading in earlier years). With regard to Spiegelberg's visit [ . . . ] I shall note
what he told me. Delekat, the theologian, has been suspended from his post.
Mutschmann sent for him personally and demanded that his lectures be
more in the spirit of National Socialism. Delekat replied that he could not
consult a Party program for guidance and must follow his conscience.
Thereupon the Governor brought the audience to an end with the three
words: "You are impertinent!" — which was followed by the suspension. The
whole Humanities Section was now being wound up; however a Political
Science Section remained, and prominent and secure within it, Stepun. [ . . . ]

June 12, Friday

I am now forcing myself further into the Confessions , want to keep strictly
to reading the texts for the next one or two months, take notes and then try
my luck. I absolutely must bring the History of the Eighteenth Century to
a conclusion.

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Isakowitz was with us — for the last time — yesterday evening. As well
as the imperturbable Frau Schaps, just back from Italy.

[..]

June 14, Sunday midday

[...]

Yesterday we were invited to Heidenau to eat asparagus, which has al-
ready become something of a tradition. Beforehand we spent a brief half-
hour at the garden show, which was packed; all the stands selling and
advertising the most diverse things lent it something of the atmosphere of
a fairground. When I see the mass of the people happy and peaceful like
this, then I believe less than ever in any change in our political situation.
Since the car was waiting in the hospital courtyard, we were not depen-
dent on the last bus and stayed late. Although I was strongly under the in-
fluence of alcohol and large sections of the route were pitch dark I got us
home very smoothly. I only struggled a little with the entry. It was almost
two when we got to bed, and today of course we are very much the worse
for wear.

June 20, Saturday, toward evening

Back from Frauenstein, Frau Lehmann phoned us with the news: the Jel-
skis ante portas. It turned into a difficult week, made doubly exhausting
by great heat, and naturally ended with fraying nerves and domestic ill
feeling. I fetched both Jelskis from the station at midday; Marta had to go
on to Prague in the afternoon, Julius was to wait one or two days for her
here. I took Marta to the station in the afternoon, then we went for a drive
with Julius to Freiberg and looked a little at the town and the cathedral
(from the outside). Nevertheless another 50-mile drive and great weari-
ness in the evening and no opportunity for proper rest. A bed was made
up for Julius in my room, he rose early, wanted to be entertained and pro-
vided with breakfast, then disappeared into town, but was back after
lunch. This time we took him for a drive, via Kipsdorf, to Oberbarenburg
and went for a short walk there. Again 50 miles, again the strain of the
evening, of the next morning. Again a brief respite. I took him to the sta-
tion on the Wednesday afternoon. He has become a frail old man, too frail,
really, for 69 years of age, walks with difficulty using a cane. He is not un-
pleasant and unaffectedly grateful for any friendliness. The fondness for
Hitler, which Marta maintained he had, has evidently disappeared com-
pletely. He cannot help the fact that he was such a strain on our nerves.

Thursday was a day of rest as it were, and for the first time I felt that I
shall get something out of Rousseau after all. But Marta arrived in Dres-

JUNE 1936

171

den at midday on Friday, en route from Prague, and, of course, given the
blazing heat, immediately allowed herself to be persuaded to spend the
night. I picked her up from the station at half past five, shortly before
seven we went for a drive toward Meissen, took the Nossen turning, be-
cause the sun was dazzling, found ourselves on a bad road, had to turn
around and somehow got home via Wilsdruff and Tharandt. On this
stretch, Eva and I had an argument, for the most trivial reason, simply be-
cause our nerves were strained. An unpleasant evening; then today I had
to get up at five, maneuver the car out by myself, take Marta to the seven
o'clock train, and afterward make our breakfast. I slept for the rest of the
morning, often on the settee, otherwise while attempting to read. Not
until the afternoon did I come to grips with the Reveries of the Solitary
Walker; but the wretched, pointless ill feeling with Eva remained, the ex-
haustion and the many painful inflammations remained too. My pleasure
in driving is somewhat subdued for the moment. Marta's report from
Prague is very gloomy. No one any longer believes in a change in the situ-
ation. Her son Willy cannot get into Russia despite his Communism, has
neither work nor sufficient assistance in Prague, can no longer be sup-
ported from Germany, since all export of money has been stopped, sells
bedbug powder and studies the flute. [ . . . ]

June 26, Friday

Since we went to Oybin on Sunday, [ . . . ] I have not driven at all until
today, and today only to make an essential trip into town. The reason is
the great lack of money; I hardly know how to keep going until next pay-
day. And today when I at last wanted to have a tire patched, it transpired
(at Schlecht's, the big specialist repair shop in Trompeterstrasse) that it
was necessary to change one tire immediately, a second "after a couple of
hundred miles." That means 34M twice over. I do not know how we'll pull
through, the more so since work on garage and driveway is still not fin-
ished. This ever increasing pressure, in addition the ever more painful eye
problems, drain my spirits. In earlier years too I was frequently short of
money; but then I was, so to speak, an honorable poor devil. This time my
situation is infinitely more unpleasant. A house, a car and yet I do not
know how to pay for the simplest and most essential things. It looks like a
fraudulent bankruptcy. But getting rid of the car would make hardly any
difference either. It would fetch less than 300M, and I have to pay the big
insurance policy by the end of the year. Above all I miscalculated the costs
of constructing garage and driveway, and above all the running costs of
the car.

A couple of days ago Railway Inspector Kohler turned up unan-
nounced after nine o'clock in the evening and under cover of darkness to
thank us for our expression of sympathy. His son collapsed at his mother's
grave, and is resting with relatives in the country, Ellen Kohler has joined

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

him, and the father, the one who is most affected, sits here alone and does
his duty. He is a good, simple and courageous man, whom we both like
very much. He remained for a long time, drank coffee with us and evi-
dently left in a somewhat better frame of mind than he had arrived in. "In
the course of my work I see so many bad marriages, where people would
so like to be free of one another — and we got on so well together, and then
we . . At the same time the man obviously has a very firm Christian
faith. And apart from that, traditional petty bourgeois custom provides
him with support, comfort and things to do.

[...]

June 28, Sunday

Isakowitz finally took his leave of us on Thursday evening; he was very
tired and nervous — a new tablecloth suffered the consequences, in a single
movement he poured a whole cup of coffee over it — but nevertheless in
high spirits. Because at 45 years of age he is once again making a new start,
because he is moving from servitude and lawlessness to humane and civi-
lized conditions. Yet it was visibly hard for him to leave Germany. He phi-
losophized a great deal and talked about art, with somewhat limited
knowledge and clarity, but with much interest and an evident moral foun-
dation. I heard with satisfaction, that despite the "customs examination," he
has still managed to get some property safely abroad, and that other emi-
gres evidently also repeatedly find opportunities to do so. The most curious
comic feature of the present political situation is that at this very moment
France is ruled by a Jew. And that Blum expresses himself very courteously
toward Hitler (not without sous-entendus), and that the German press has
to be very courteous toward him and passes over his Jewishness in silence
since he has come to power (whereas the Russian Litvinov is regularly
called Litvinov-Finkelstein).

Ever more frequent desire to write Memoirs, individual details rise to
the surface more and more. On a very hot day recently we were reluc-
tantly waiting for "Uncle," the old workman who is Frau Lange's uncle;
cementing the walls of the garage access is an incredible strain on Eva, and
a cooler day would have been more suitable. Uncle had not arrived by
nine. "Perhaps he won't come — it looks very hazy down in the city and
the weather might turn." But he did come at nine, and cement had to be
brought up from Zwickauer Strasse in the car, and Eva had to toil away
again until late in the evening, and it was beastly. [ . . . ]

A modest excursion to the Miiglitztal is planned for today; on the
twenty-ninth we shall give ourselves the new wheel and a visit to the cin-
ema as presents. We want to save on food and on the maid, in order to
keep the car.

Emile for the past week. Everything looks different if one reads it one-
self. I do not find Rousseau more likable, but certainly more interesting.

JULY 1936

173

July 2, Thursday

[...]

On Monday, the twenty-ninth, the heat was very great, and we spent
the day peacefully at home, Eva in the garden, I, as far as I could, with
Emile. But I just had to take a look at a couple of pages of my diary for
1904. 1 simply cannot get it into my head that I am already so old. — We
wanted to have a quiet evening at the cinema.

But in the afternoon, Anna, the last and most intelligent of our Wends,
visited us unexpectedly with her carpenter brother. She now has a situa-
tion in Bautzen and has not been to see us for several years. It is nice how
these girls remain loyal. The Wends are all good Catholics, and so there is
a comforting community of political despair.

Then there was a telephone call to say that Gusti and Karl Wieghardt
were back for a few hours; we should come to them in the evening for
coffee.

July 5

We had not seen the Wieghardts since February — Karl in Gottingen, Gusti
in Copenhagen — but nothing in the situation, conversations, cordiality
had changed, it was as if we had last been sitting down together only yes-
terday. In Copenhagen Gusti had looked up the writer Karl Fedem, whose
beautifully illustrated but otherwise worthless Dante Father gave me as a
present some thirty years ago, with the remark that we were in some way
related to the Fedems. The old gentleman sent me the address of a London
agency, Curtis Brown Ltd., which would surely find me a foreign publish-
ing house. I sent a detailed letter and received a reply today by return of
post: ". . . too specialized . . . afraid there is nothing we can do to help you." That
hit me very hard and doubly so. For one thing: I find it ever harder to
work without hope and only for myself; I am not confident that these
books — unprinted and their scholarship out-of-date — will retain their in-
terest. For another: It is becoming ever more essential for me to earn
money. Quite without warning there arrived a demand for payment of ar-
rears: local property tax 1934-36: 42M. I hardly know where to scrape it to-
gether. And an unexpected expense like that comes again and again and is
added to the rest. I do not dare undertake any further excursions with the
car; 3 gallons of gasoline, 3.60M, are too great an expenditure. I asked
Ellen Wengler, who visited us, whether she could increase the mortgage
on the house, so that it would certainly fall to her if ghettoization is intro-
duced once the Olympics are over. She has no cash available. On July 1 we
went for a drive with the Wieghardts and then they ate with us in the
evening. [ . . . ]

Every day my depressed study of Rousseau is interrupted by sleep,
every day serious pains in my eyes. Once to the garden show with Eva.

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In the evenings Eva works very late in the garden, so we rarely get
around to reading aloud. [ . . . ]

Ellen Wengler said recently: "If the regime falls — will things be any dif-
ferent for us? Perhaps a little less false — but otherwise?" — The saddest
thing about it is that everyone now reckons only with extreme govern-
ments: NSDAP or Communism — as if there were nothing in between.

July 8, Wednesday

For days now very great sultry heat. The work on Rousseau crawls for-
ward even more slowly than usual. Emile — notes.

On Sunday evening at the Wieghardts; we see each other a lot, since it
is only a matter of a month.

[...]

After a long silence a long letter from Blumenfeld in Lima; I envy them,
and they feel like exiles. With Grete Blumenfeld's reflections and descrip-
tions of nature, I always feel that they have come out of a book. Everything
is cultured cliche, but still a cliche. Perhaps I am doing her an injustice;
probably I would be unable to write any differently. He, Blumenfeld, is al-
ways succinct and matter-of-fact.

This afternoon I returned all the books belonging to the Romance Lan-
guages Department, two briefcases full, which I shall sorely miss and
which will now lie around unused. The department has been finally
wound up, Papesch given notice. Wengler appears to be keeping his post
for the time being, presumably because Italy is politically friendly. Written
on the door of my office now: History Department. The Romance Lan-
guages library room next door still bears the old sign, and it was here that
I found Wengler and Fraulein Papesch. I said to Papesch: "You will find it
odd at this moment, but things can change, and if I ever return to my post,
I shall call upon you again." In such tragicomical fashion I kept my au-
thority. It was not a very pleasant half hour for me. Papesch and Fraulein
Mey want to visit us; I said to Fraulein Papesch: "I shall be very pleased if
you come, but I do not expect anyone to sacrifice themselves and am not
inviting anyone."

July 16, Thursday

A "Property Tax Re-Assessment Notice," going back to April 1934, de-
mands 41M 95Pf, a sewerage charge comes to 10M 80Pf. These sums,
which in themselves are small, are almost a catastrophe for us. As Frau
Lehmann is on holiday, we have not taken on any other part-time help and
wash up ourselves, we are careful with every penny and with every pint
of gasoline; it would be tragicomical — a man with a house and car of his
own! — if it were not so wretchedly depressing and therefore tragic after all

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175

and if it were not getting worse month by month. A kind of stoicism, apa-
thy in a word, has befallen me: perhaps some kind of change will take
place; and if not, then we will simply perish. We are both 54 and have had
quite a full life — if it ends sooner or later, makes very little difference
[...]. And absurdity or disgrace? Those are ideas from a bygone age. We
were respected people. What are we now? And what will we be in two
months time, once the Olympics are over and it is open season on the Jews
and once the Swiss trial against the Gustloff murderer is under way?

Spitzer's post in Istanbul has finally been given to Auerbach. On the
other hand a tiny possibility of publishing the Voltaire volume and of re-
ceiving a small amount for it has arisen, which would then postpone the
financial catastrophe for a couple of weeks or months. And in these few
weeks, after all, I might be saved by a miracle in my personal circum-
stances, or in the general situation to which it is linked. [ . . . ]

I am working very little, more precisely not at all. In 1927, in the
Deutsche Biicherei in Leipzig, I made very detailed notes, on about 50
typewritten pages, on Nouvelle Heloise. But I have gotten stuck rereading
the novel. It will take many weeks before I begin to write the Rousseau
section. I have lost faith in the meaning and value of my activity. Question
as above: What was I, what am I?

A postcard greeting on Eva's birthday from Frau Schaps on Lago Mag-
giore. The stamp shows the Capitol in Rome and bears the words: Dimil-
lenario Orazione. Stet Capitolium fulgens. Likewise in this country every
little dump celebrates the 300, 600, 900, 1000 years of its existence. And the
publisher Markus, my new Voltaire hope, has a list for "German Customs
and Traditions" (formerly under German or at the outside Folk Studies).
But with the Italians it sounds more natural and has more de quoi. A little
while ago, when Mussolini was Germany's enemy, he said: We had a
tremendous literature, when the Germans did not have an alphabet yet. —
Admittedly today the Duce is Germany's great friend, and since the day
before yesterday (peace with Vienna) there is something like a Triple Al-
liance again, and England courts it, and Hitler is more powerful than
Kaiser Wilhelm II was before the war.

No doubt Italian Fascism is no less reprehensible than National Social-
ism and I only find it less repugnant because it does not ask questions
about blood and does not persecute the Jews. We are reading a German
translation (borrowed from Gusti Wieghardt) of Ignazio Silone's Fonta-
mara. Published m Zurich, the novel is denunciation and satire. The Fas-
cist government's deception of and sins against the "Cafoni" in the
Fucino, exploited peasants and rural laborers in southern Italy. Mutatis
mutandis horribly similar to the methods of the NSDAP. The unscrupu-
lous rule of a party supported by big business, petty bourgeoisie and crim-
inal elements and which mendaciously stimulates and enforces popular
assent and popular enthusiasm. The most grotesque scene in the book is
an interrogation of opinions that Blackshirts impose on the unsuspecting
peasants. "Who should live?" goes the question, and the Cafoni know

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nothing about the Duce and Fascism. One replies: "All should live!" and
is listed as a "Liberal." Another says: "Down with the thieves!" and is
marked down as an "Anarchist." All of them are "refractory," which in
this country would probably be called "subversive" or Jewish.

[...]

Again and again I feel that the most terrible thing about our situation is
that one appears to be stuck with the alternative Communism-Fascism.
What are France, England, USA doing?

A card from Betty Klemperer, who has settled in Cleveland (Ohio);
Wolfgang, her youngest, has passed his medical examination there and is
working in a hospital in Cleveland.

There was no money to buy Eva something for her birthday. We cele-
brated by driving to the cinema the evening before and by going for a long
drive on the Sunday itself. As the Wieghardts were going halves on the
trip, we could be ambitious in our goal and afford 8 gallons of gasoline
and a half-gallon of oil.

The Birthday Excursion to Torgau on July 12

Uncertain weather, which held up well all day, the car always open. At the
Wieghardts in Schrammsteinstrasse at eleven. Through the city by way of
Kotzschenbroda, Coswig to Meissen, over the Elbe bridge and the same
fine view of the river and back to the cathedral as on our Leipzig trip. Gusti
needs the Elbe and the life of the bargees for a children's book; so the
watchword was: as much of the Elbe as possible! We continued to Riesa at
a little distance from the river. We have often crossed the big Elbe bridge
there on the train; this time we stood on it and allowed river and ships to
make an impression on us. A pretty, calm, simple landscape, river mead-
ows, no hills at all. A couple of barges, but we could not discern the river
harbor. After taking a wrong turn we found ourselves on the road to
Leipzig and followed it as far as Oschatz, where we had liked the Cafe
Zierold so much once before. We sat here for an hour very cheerfully and
in terms of our mood this was the high point of the day. After that an un-
eventful drive to Torgau. A middling town, like dozens of others we have
seen. But with a surprisingly huge and beautiful castle. [ . . . ] We left Tor-
gau at around four, and now it was probably Gush's Elbe mania that led us
astray and ultimately added bitterness to what otherwise had been sweet.
We drove over the river bridge and a little way upstream beside the Elbe,
which here looked fairly insignificant. After that we found ourselves on in-
creasingly bad village roads: mud, potholes, virtual shell craters, out of
which dirty water splashed over us like a heavy sea. The car bumped,
turned at an angle to the road, jumped, skidded: The engine or the tires
could have been damaged or the car could have turned over. Then a few
miles farther on the road was closed, we turned with difficulty and had to

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177

crawl back the whole hellish way. We had wasted an hour and a lot of
nerves. As soon as we were on a good road, at five, and not very far at all
from Torgau, I let the car go, almost without a break, for a good two hours
at 35 and often even at 45 mph. That was pleasant, but very exhausting.
Woods cared for like a park, villas, a spa hotel: Bad Liebenwerda. The next
larger place: Elsterwerda; the next: Grossenhain; the next: Radeberg — now
it was only a matter of driving and making headway. Finally at Moritzburg
the price for placing myself under too great a strain: in front of me a very
slow car, I hesitate to overtake it for a long time, then finally when I risk it,
I find myself at the top of a steep gradient, I brake too quickly, and am too
quickly on the right-hand side again in front of the overtaken car and evi-
dently put the man at considerable risk. Nothing worse happens, but now
the other driver races past me, shakes his fist, shouts something, and stays
in front of me in the middle of the road, going at a crawl, until we get to
Dresden. There he rushes up to a policeman and reports me. The police-
man comes up: "Have you been drinking beer?" Fortunately for me, my ac-
cuser behaves so wildly, insults me, claims I had been going at 60 mph, my
companion had been asleep, my brakes were broken, he had driven into
the back of my car — and yet for all that cannot point to the least damage. I
defend myself energetically, the other driver should have braked on the
gradient, and reject all his accusations, if the police officer is talking about
cautioning anybody, then he should caution the other too. It is obvious that
I make a better impression on the policeman and public than the enraged,
thick-set accuser; he says something about "Jew talk," against which you
can't win an argument, and drives off; I am also allowed to continue, and
until today, Friday, nothing further has ensued. (The policeman said right
away, if nothing has happened, then the police can at most issue a caution.)
Nevertheless the evening was completely ruined for me. We reached
Gush's toward nine; I was so tired I was able to eat very little of her very
nice supper, and I found the journey home an effort. We were in bed shortly
before twelve, we had driven 156 miles exactly. The next day we were both
quite knocked out and left the car in the garage.

July 17, Friday

Susi Hildebrandt got in touch after quite a few months. She had been trav-
eling for a while; did we want to visit her? I said she should hear the rea-
son for our refusal in person and come to us. She arrived for coffee
yesterday in her vast old-fashioned 6-foot-high touring car and stayed
until evening. Her father was in Miinchner Platz for ten weeks and then
released. He is a Stahlhelm man and out of favor, embezzlement by a com-
pany employee appears to have been the pretext for an act of revenge. He
was interrogated once, after he had been held for ten weeks. His daugh-
ters are in despair over his imprudent expressions of outrage. Susi Hilde-

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brandt came from the golf club; she said there was hardly a single member
who had not already been in prison. For her, the daughter of a big indus-
trialist and of an aristocratic mother, there is no difference between Na-
tional Socialism and Bolshevism. She says that opinions among the
officers of the army are completely divided, there are the most enthusias-
tic supporters and the most decided opponents of Hitler. But she had also
encountered fierce hostility to Hitler among SS officers. She no longer be-
lieves in a turn for the better.

This morning, with a recommendation from "Vosslaiir," I was visited
by Edmondo Cione, a little librarian from Florence, amico del Croce, anti-
fascista. Would like to be a lecturer in Germany, did not know that I had
lost my post. I recommended him to Gelzer in Jena. He will see if he can
be of assistance to me in Italy. He told me how Auerbach came to the Is-
tanbul appointment. He had already been in Florence for a year, and Croce
provided an opinion on him. [ . . . ] Now Auerbach is brushing up his
French in Geneva. And Spitzer had been saying in Italy that only someone
who could really speak French would get the appointment! If I go off to
Geneva for a couple of months then I too could "really speak French"
again. — Cione says people had been very anti-Fascist in Italy, but the
League of Nations sanctions and then the victory in Abyssinia had greatly
strengthened the Duce's position.

July 18, Saturday

The Wieghardts here yesterday evening. I talked about the Hildebrandts.
Gush, fairly self-satisfied: "Do they occasionally arrest an industrialist?
That goes down well with the workers. In any case, they only put the
posh people, who have it easy, in Miinchner Platz, they don't get beaten
there." She cannot think like a human being anymore, but only in the
Communist Party mold. I am almost pleased that she is going back to
Denmark in August.

Syntax of the Third Reich? Trude Ohlmann writes that she is arriving
tomorrow on a "KDF" — Strength Through Joy — train. [ . . . ]

The heat at the moment is extraordinary, 89 degrees in the shade, did
dishes from half past eleven till half past two; Eva washed up, I dried, and
polished the knives. We are, in fact, completely proletarianized, substan-
tially more proletarianized than Gusti — but we do not feel ourselves to be
proletarians and keep our freedom of thought.

July 20, Monday

[...]

The KDF train arrived at Neustadter station at ten; we waited at both
exits. The people poured out in dense crowds and were met by SA stew-

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179

ards: Zittau to the left! — Bautzen this way! — Leipzig straight ahead! Trude
tells us: For 4.50M her Leipzigers get a return ticket, lunch and a con-
ducted tour of the town and of an exhibition. She had also been to Norway
(for 55M) on a ship of the Hamburg-Slid line; more precisely she saw the
Norwegian coast, since there was no disembarking, whether because of
shortage of foreign currency or to avoid contact with foreigners. At any
rate these KDF undertakings are prodigious circuses.

July 26, Sunday . . . No, July 27, Monday

Meanwhile eight particularly disagreeable days have gone by, and yester-
day, Sunday, on which there was as little writing as there was driving, was
especially prominent in this respect.

A week ago on Sunday we went for a very nice and successful 60-mile
drive.

[...]

I would have put all this down in greater detail, had not all kinds of un-
pleasantness occurred in the meantime. Lange, the chatterbox, whose wife
cleans for Gusti Wieghardt, reported at length how many nasty and truly
defamatory statements Gusti had made about my driving, while to my
face she was very much in favor of the Torgau tour. Karl had vomited, he
had been so seasick because of my bumpy driving, he had several times
wanted to grab the steering wheel from me, I had been making such bad
mistakes, it was irresponsible that driving licenses are handed out so care-
lessly, etc. Because of such falseness I have once again broken off all rela-
tions with Gusti Wieghardt. Anyway her narrow-minded Communism
had already been getting on our nerves.

For two weeks Eva has been plagued by headaches, for one week by
pains in her mouth, she has developed a nasty abscess on her gums.

July 30, Thursday

That resulted in a couple of very distressing days. Finally a dentist had to
be consulted. Isakowitz had recommended a Jewish dentist to us but the
recommendation had been so lukewarm and hesitant that it almost
amounted to a warning. Heidenau gave us an address: Dr. Kunstmann,
Reichsstrasse. I made an appointment for midday on Monday. Before that
I had to go to the bank. As I am coming back and gently turning into Adolf
Hitler Strasse from Residenzstrasse in second gear, the car suddenly jolts
forward several yards onto the pavement, whereupon I brake violently.
Now it loses gasoline and is immovable. First Weller, the gardener, helped
me get it onto the road, then I fetched Eva, and instead of being driven
gently to the dentist, she pushed the car, until I could let it roll as far as our
front door. I was doubly lucky despite the accident: Her abscess had burst

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in the meantime, and I had caused no harm on the pavement, nor had any-
one seen me. Through Vogel, a mechanic was quickly sent up, and in a
quarter of an hour the mischief had been dealt with. Float wires had got
stuck — it happens sometimes — then the car shoots forward a bit, and then
the engine floods. "Is there anything one can do to prevent it happen-
ing?"— "No." — "And if I do any harm because of it?" — "You are to blame
because the car was not in proper working order, and you should have
known that." — "Can one know before it happens?" — "No!" — Sometimes I
feel the miseries of driving very strongly, and in recent days I have been
very nervous; but then again and again it also becomes obvious what a
wonderful thing it is.

In the afternoon we drove to the dentist; an elderly, very taciturn, very
careful gentleman, in every respect almost comically the opposite of the
animated Isakowitz; but clearly an extremely painstaking man, also to our
liking in another respect — a picture of Hitler is nowhere to be seen. He
carefully cleaned the wound and brought Eva relief. (Meanwhile we have
been there today for the second time, and the treatment will be further
drawn out — which will do nothing to lessen our money worries.)

[...]

Yesterday shortly before evening at the flower show for a while, today
we went there again from the dentist (...), this time to the special section
for related industrial products: greenhouses, sprinklers, etc. While we
were there we heard the closing session of the Leisure Congress in Ham-
burg, expressions of thanks in very broken German, one in unpleasantly
hissed and nasal-sounding Chinese, then a long speech by Goebbels. I
heard the most poisonous and mendacious of all Nazis for the first time
and was doubly surprised at his bass and at the pastoral unctuousness
and heartfelt tone of his delivery. Going by his face and opinions I had be-
lieved he must speak in a high, sharp and brash voice. But he must have
been speaking in his usual manner because a woman who was passing
said to her companion: But that's Goebbels! [ . . . ]

Last week Gehrig was here for an afternoon; to discuss a planned South
American trip. We have not been in contact for a very long time. He made
a very good impression on both of us; calmer and less authoritarian than
before. He too is no longer interested in prophecies: It can still last a very
long time, it can come to an end very suddenly He told me that at the be-
ginning of November '18 the Crown Prince of Saxony had asked him what
he thought of the situation on the home front; he, Gehrig, had replied, the
workers were no doubt discontented, but he thought a revolution was out
of the question.

Yesterday and today I worked through Rousseau's Encyclopedia article
Economie politique ; whole passages could be from Hitler's speeches.

The essential features of my study are clear to me: the flight from the
present and from oneself in three divergent directions: to Nature, to God,
to the Spartan state, the prostitution of reason in the service of subjective
feeling. Romantic longing, the shaping of judgment in the spirit of the

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181

eighteenth century, both formally and substantially, rococo voluptuous-
ness accompanied by a pathologically overwrought sexuality, the obses-
sion with virtue as antidote and self-deception. I shall read for many more
weeks yet, before I get around to writing.

August 7, Friday

Yesterday the heaviest blow since my dismissal: Markus, Breslau with
whom I had been involved in promising negotiations, has now rejected
the Voltaire book after all, and, what is more — and this is the really
wretched thing about it — entirely for reasons to do with the book trade,
which are undoubtedly correct and which must be equally valid for every
other publisher: In more favorable times, not enough buyers had been
found in the space of eleven years to sell out the first edition of the more
marketable nineteenth century — who would now summon up enough in-
terest for a scholarly tome about the eighteenth century? Commercially it
was an impossibility. It is hardly a question of vanity. After all this is my
life's work which has been deprived of influence and even existence, and
I now feel as if I really am buried alive. At the same time I am also tor-
mented by the financial aspect of the matter. I had been hoping for a cou-
ple of hundred marks at least; but nothing and less than nothing; the
certainty of being cut off from all means of earning money. We do not have
the 50M to put cement down on the veranda above the garage, we literally
have to count every penny, and we are no longer young enough to accept
such privation easily.

In accordance with the law of inertia I still continue poring over the
Contrat social.

August 13, Thursday

[..]

The Olympics will end next Sunday, the NSDAP Party Rally is being
heralded, an explosion is imminent, and naturally, they will first of all take
things out on the Jews. So much pressure has built up. The Gustloff trial is
coming up in September; the Danzig business has only been postponed,
our Polish "allies" have made the French general Gamelin a marshal,
Mussolini has pocketed Abbyssinia scot-free — and the Spanish Civil War
has been under way for a couple of weeks. In Barcelona four Germans
have been "murdered" as martyrs of National Socialism by a revolution-
ary court, and even before that, they were saying the German-Jewish Emi-
gres were stirring up hatred against Germany there. God knows, what
will come of it all, but surely and as always a new measure against the
Jews. I do not believe that we shall keep our house. Marta tells us from

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Prague that there and in England they are expecting war as early as au-
tumn— but how often have they believed that in Prague. The political as-
pect changes almost daily, it would be tremendously interesting, if it were
not so dismal. The third Napoleon began his war of desperation over
Spain — but how much of an analogy is there? I hear repeatedly, the last
time from Forbrig, the teacher: Hitler really wants peace for another one
or two years, because our armaments will not be ready before then. But:
Mr. Leon Blum cannot be ignorant of what every child in Germany knows.
Are they so stupid in France that they're just waiting to be led to the
slaughter? But: Why have they taken everything lying down so far? In
France from Germany, in England from Italy? Everything is completely
opaque and dark. Probably no one, not even in government, knows the
real strengths, checks and moods.

The Olympics, which are now ending, are doubly repugnant to me. (1)
as an absurd overestimation of sport; the honor of a nation depends on
whether a fellow citizen can jump four inches higher than all the rest. In
any case, a Negro from the United States jumped the highest of all and the
Jewess Helene Meyer won the fencing silver medal for Germany (I don't
know which is more shameless, her participating as a German of the Third
Reich, or the fact that her achievement is claimed for the Third Reich). In
the Berliner Illustrierte of August 6, a Doctor Kurt Zentner writes a serious
and, so to speak, educational article: "Outsiders Without a Chance (Only
Hard Training Gets Results)." He relates that many sports heroes have
begun with "pitiful initial results," but then by training to the utmost
achieved the greatest success, for example, "the world's most brilliant ten-
nis player, Borotra," and he concludes his article (in the style of the moral-
izing weekly, the Spectator), once an unknown young Corsican sat in the
military school at Brienne and told himself every day, he wanted to be a
field marshal, and became the Emperor Napoleon. No doubt in England
and America sports have always been uncommonly and perhaps exces-
sively valued, but probably never so one-sidedly, and at the same time
with such a disparaging of the intellectual aspect as in this country now
[...]; it must also be borne in mind that these sporting countries do not
have universal compulsory military service. And (2) I find the Olympics so
odious because they are not about sports — in this country I mean — but are
an entirely political enterprise. "German renaissance through Hitler" I read
recently. It's constantly being drummed into the country and into foreign-
ers that here one is witnessing the revival, the flowering, the new spirit, the
unity, steadfastness and magnificence, pacific too, of course, spirit of the
Third Reich, which lovingly embraces the whole world. The chanted slo-
gans on the streets have been banned (for the duration of the Olympics),
Jew-baiting, bellicose sentiments, everything offensive has disappeared
from the papers until August 16, and the swastika flags are hanging every-
where day and night until then too. In articles written in English, the at-
tention of "our guests" is repeatedly drawn to how peaceably and
pleasantly things are proceeding here, while in Spain "Communist hordes"

AUGUST 1936

183

are committing pillage and murder. And we have everything in abun-
dance. But the butcher here and the greengrocer complain about shortages
and price rises because everything has to be sent to Berlin. And the "hun-
dreds of thousands" in Berlin are brought in by "Kraft durch Freude"; the
foreigners, before whom Germany is supposed to be "like an open book" —
but who chose and prepared the passages at which the book lies open? —
are not very numerous and the landlords in Berlin are complaining.

A new phrase has appeared in the papers and presumably comes from
France. The French Popular Front is starting a "crusade of ideas," for the
Spanish Communists and against Fascism. That is quite shocking, our
press responds, scandalized, National Socialism doesn't do anything like
that, it wants every nation to be happy in its own way, it doesn't carry on
any propaganda outside Germany. This is the most loathsome feature of
the swastika crusade, that it is conducted hypocritically and in secret.
"We" are not conducting a crusade, "we" do not shed blood either, we are
completely peaceable people and only want to be left in peace! And at the
same time not the smallest opportunity for propaganda is missed. At
the Reich garden show there is a pretty display of mark coins and notes.
The cases showing the inflation period bear the inscription: "Documents
of an insane time." Everyone can draw his own conclusions about the
health and flowering of economic life today.

[...]

On Monday we were visited by Fraulein Papesch, who has in the mean-
time also received her dismissal notice from the university. The period of
her quiet sympathy for the Third Reich is evidently completely over, she
too knows about the general discontent, but she too is unable to answer
the question How much longer? — She knows Jhe Schwartenberg and
wants to take us there; i.e., we have to take her with us on a car trip.

I learned from Frau Schaps that Raab has died suddenly (embolism
after operation), in Berlin, 47 years old. He always gave me an impression
of great liveliness and youthful agility. I very much envied the way that
after his dismissal he immediately managed to create a different job and
life for himself — he was an economist, quite far to the right. I once had a
fierce argument with him at the Blumenfelds because he wanted support
for the German Nationals, who were allied to the Nazis. I felt ancient com-
pared to him. In one of Schnitzler's plays, a very old man feels a kind of
triumph when he learns of the death of a younger man. I thought of it de-
spite myself and while experiencing genuine sorrow. Raab was married
three times, the last wife is Jewish. The picture of an officer killed in the
war is supposed to have hung over his desk. When asked, he explained
candidly, "the first husband of my second wife." I think also of his silent
and amiably boring Angora tomcat Eilhart, who was once boarded with
the Blumenfelds.

On her return from Prague Marta stayed with us from Tuesday until
Wednesday afternoon. A considerable strain, since of course there is no
domestic help, since in the great heat I always had to be in full dress, since

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Marta constantly wanted to be entertained and taken for drives. [ . . . ]
Apart from that Marta gives the impression of suffering greatly. Exces-
sively aged, sluggish, gone to seed. She says that Wally has been ill in bed
for a month. Gallbladder and evidently suspected cancer. She talks about
the Sussmanns' dire predicament. She envies us because things are still
going very well for us (everyone believes that about everyone else). Her
youngest, Willy, is leading a precarious existence in Prague. He plays and
studies the oboe, he is unable to earn anything, given the present currency
regulations it is hardly possible to support him from Berlin; he cannot
come back, since he is at risk as a Communist.

[...]

August 16, Sunday

Yesterday afternoon — we had just returned very tired and hot from the
flower show, I had peeled off and was making coffee — there appeared in
cycling clothes, with sandals and shorts, gray with green cuffs, a yodeling
lad, Wengler, and stayed for hours. Everything spoke against him, but he
is such a thoroughly decent fellow that one finds him likable even at the
most catastrophic moment. He had spent several weeks on holiday in
Italy. He thinks Fascism or rather the Italian Fascists more human than the
Nazis. He relates as vouched-for, that a few weeks before the beginning of
the Spanish counterrevolution. General San Jurjo, who was later killed,
had discussions in the Ad Ion Hotel in Berlin and that there are German of-
ficers with Franco's Moroccan troops. He believes the victory or defeat of
the Spanish Popular Front decisive for the whole of Europe and says quite
seriously, thoughtfully, without any pathos, as with a weighed-down con-
science: "One should really go there and help them; but I can't even
shoot." Later he complained how disagreeable it is for him to start teach-
ing again on Tuesday.

That is Wengler. Johannes Kuhn, however, whom I always took to be a
man of integrity and a genuine thinker, professor of history Johannes
Kuhn has written a short article in the Sunday edition of the Dresdener NN
(August 16) on the one-hundred-fiftieth anniversary of the death of Fred-
erick the Great. In a hundred lines he twice calls him emphatically "a
Nordic-Germanic man." His philosophy is out-of-date and unimportant;
behind it stands the Germanic belief in things higher and beyond this
world; his inclination toward French culture is the northern German's typ-
ical longing for form and the south. — If one day the situation were re-
versed and the fate of the vanquished lay in my hands, then I would let all
the ordinary folk go and even some of the leaders, who might perhaps
after all have had honorable intentions and not know what they were
doing. But I would have all the intellectuals strung up, and the professors
three feet higher than the rest; they would be left hanging from the lamp-
posts for as long as was compatible with hygiene.

AUGUST 1936

185

August 20, Thursday

There is some kind of analogy in the current European situation to Machi-
avelli's thesis that the unification of Italy foundered because of the Papal
State, which was too weak to achieve this unification by its own efforts,
but also too strong for any other power to accomplish unification against
it. The powers of Liberalism, i.e., basically of reflective reason — France
and England — are too weak to ward off both radicalisms, Bolshevism and
National Socialism, by their own efforts; they have to gain the support of
one of the two, in order to stand firm against the other, and must at every
moment ask themselves, which of the two is the lesser evil. England and
France do not at every moment give the same answer to the question, and
that, in turn, leads to frictions between the two powers. So there is a con-
stant guessing game as to what is going to happen, which alliances are
being formed. In 1914 the situation was clear and unambiguous, the
present one is very complex.

August 24, Monday

The Spanish hate campaign has taken second place to the Russian hate
campaign agitation. Every day more disturbing news about Russian
preparations for war with Germany. Does our side want war, have things
got to the point that they must have it, as a diversion, a way out? In recent
days I have heard expressions of extreme hostility, unrest and alarm from
very diverse circles: Natscheff, the lending-library man, who until now
believed in peace and the durability of the present regime, talked of wide-
spread disaffection, of the possibility of war. Ulbrich, the worthy butcher,
complained bitterly. " Instead of people who know what they are doing,
there are Party veterans everywhere, a barber and a cucumber dealer are
in charge of the abbatoir — and the farmers are uncooperative, and at 35
Herr Darre is too young to be the farmers' leader — and the expense of the
Olympic buildings in Berlin, as if we were made of money — and the meat
shortage ..." I asked him: "Are you a National Socialist?" He, carefully, as
he no doubt thought: "Under compulsion, yes." — Michael, the mechanic,
employed at the military airfield and having sworn loyalty: "I would
jump out with a parachute, to go over to the Russians; I would make a red
flag, even if I had to cut open my veins to dye the cloth!"

Yesterday evening Annemarie and Dressel were here after a very long
gap. Their frame of mind unchanged; nor do they know anyone who is
contented; they admittedly are fairly much without hope.

More news from Marta about Wally's illness. Very gloomy, almost hope-
less. I find my own involuntary coldness loathsome. Always the ghastly
"Hurrah, I'm still alive," and then the calculation, how much time may still
be granted me. And in addition as the latest problem, the question whether
and how one would drive to Berlin to the funeral. I see it all in front of me

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in every detail, it is a kind of obsession which I cannot get rid of. Yet I really
feel for Wally, although for many years she has been a complete stranger
to me.

[...]

August 29, Saturday

The fighting in Spain has become ever more intense and ever more clearly
rather more than a Spanish conflict. A couple of days ago a conscription
period of two years was announced. So the tension grows from day to
day — but this is the fourth year it has been increasing like this or in a sim-
ilar way — why should it not continue for another dozen years without an
explosion? Besides in Kriebstein recently I was thinking about the German
army. As everyone knows, the Republic left Germany defenseless and
Adolf Hitler created the new army. Except that in the Republic the Reichs-
wehr trained every private to be an NCO and every NCO to be a lieu-
tenant and thereby created the framework of the future army and made it
possible; except that beyond the permitted 100,000 men, the Republic un-
interruptedly trained men and thereby accomplished the most difficult
part: the beginning of the military revival. I was able to follow it all in the
directives to the universities, secret documents that as a senator I read for
five years, and in the confidential oral reports during senate sittings. Who
will testify to that one day? (If only I could still manage to write my Mem-
oirs!)

On Wednesday we were at Frau Schaps for supper and met the Ger-
stles there; he was about to go on a business trip to Paris. What I find un-
fortunate about the Gerstles, is that given the alternative National
Socialism-Bolshevism they prefer National Socialism. Both are repellent
to me, I see their close relationship (which Gerstle does too by the way),
but the racial idea of National Socialism seems to me the most bestial (in
the literal sense of the word). — [ . . . ] A fairly contented airmail letter
from the Blumenfelds in Lima was read out. We heard of a friend of
Grete Blumenfeld — with whom we are acquainted — that she has opened
a salon de beaute in Johannesburg. Of Erika Ballin-Dreyfuss, it was re-
ported that she too is already making a living in South Africa, while her
husband is still in London preparing for the test that allows him to prac-
tice as a doctor. So many people are building a new life for themselves
somewhere, and we are waiting here, with our hands tied. Streicher is
speaking in the city today. The preparation for this "major event" has
been preceded by all the features of an election campaign: posters, broad
banners stretched across streets, processions, drummers and slogans
chanted in chorus in the streets. [ . . . ] Today the newspaper prints his
own words:. "Who fights the Jew, wrestles with the devil." I often very
much doubt whether we shall actually survive the Third Reich. And yet
we go on living in the same old way. Despite the terrible money prob-

SEPTEMBER 1936

187

lems that have us ever more by the throat, we have now also given
Lange the job of laying cement on the terrace above the garage. That will
cost another 50M. My fears as to how I shall get by grow ever stronger;
but the building cannot simply be left for the winter in such an unfin-
ished state. If the worst comes to the worst the dentist will just have to
wait.

Because of lack of money we only rarely go for a drive now, every tiny
bit of damage to the car is a cause for despair. [ . . . ]

We have promised to drive tomorrow to the village of Bucha by
Oschatz, where Trude Ohlmann is holidaying with her boy. That may turn
out to be nice, but will cost about ten marks.

After many months, Anna Mey, the secretary at the TU, telephoned to
ask whether she could visit us. I said I was aware of the regulations, she
should not put herself at risk, I did not want any sacrifices made for me.

We were at the cinema. Kiepura: Im Sonnenschein [In the Sunshine]
[ . . . ] That same evening we saw fighting in Spain in the newsreel; it made
a great impression on me, to see Popular Front troops ("red hordes") ad-
vancing in line without helmets, without cover.

I have now been studying Rousseau since April and read more or less
all of him. I feel that I can get nothing more from reading; I must now start
writing and repress all questions as to the point of the effort.

[.••]

September 2, Wednesday

Today I began to write the Rousseau chapter, the second volume of my
Eighteenth Century. A hopeless and wretched beginning; but to put it
aside would depress me even more, and after all there is nothing more
worthwhile on which I can spend my time. If I had any possibility at all of
earning money, then I would turn it to good account; but I do not see any.
I began the first volume August 11, '34; the real work on it was over on De-
cember 29, '35 with the completion of the Diderot chapter; but transcrip-
tion and polishing lasted until well into March. Then I embarked upon
reading Rousseau. In the meantime the Markus affair has given my hopes
the coup de grace: Even if the regime and the Aryan paragraph were to
fall, I would not be able to publish the work at its present length. But I can-
not condense it, without taking from it precisely what is my contribution.
So I continue. [ . . . ]

September 5, Saturday

Yesterday at last to Trude Ohlmann's summer place. On the drive there
the beast behaved abominably and thought up new tricks. Hardly had we
left completely congested Radebeul behind us and were on the less

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crowded road to Meissen, than the engine began to race, without my
being able to stop it. I constantly had to brake, and the radiator was boil-
ing. We stopped beside a quarry; three workers on their midday break,
one with an open pocketknife, came out and, friendly and knowledgeable,
immediately helped us. [ . . . ] The spring between the accelerator and
the carburetor was worn out and jammed. First aid: but we should get the
spring changed in a garage in Meissen. 50Pf and three cigarillos and the
pleasant feeling of having met friendly people. Just before the Elbe bridge
at Meissen a garage. Large business on the main road. A South German
mechanic, a woman owner. The spring was good, it only had to be ad-
justed. Another stop of half an hour, 1.20M costs. Now the pleasure of
driving. The wonderful view by the river above Meissen, the splendid
road to Oschatz. For a while the greatest enjoyment, then the racing
started again, worse than before. I used a curious technique, pushed the
accelerator down, until the car gained some momentum, took my foot off
and let it roll forward. That was hair-raising of course, soon ruined the
brake lining (and my nerves) and could by no means be accomplished in
town traffic. In Oschatz, near Zierold's — but it had to be reversed into a
side street, and in that condition! — an "Opel Service." There was another
check-up and adjustment, another half hour and 50 pfennigs. From then
on the engine held up excellently. But it was three o'clock when we finally
stopped in Bucha, and the Ohlmanns were waiting for us until two every
day. I left Eva by the car and looked for master tailor Hessel in the strung-
out village. It was always supposed to be a comer house on the left, but I
walked for more than half a mile, and it never was. Finally I found a vaca-
tioner with a child; by chance she had got to know the Ohlmanns only
today; [ . . . ] they had certainly gone out, but she knew where. I brought
the talkative woman back to the car, and we drove off on our search. All
over the place; then Eva and the woman got out, and after a while the
Ohlmanns were really found and their master tailor's house likewise.
Trude was running around voluptuous and unlovely in silk trousers and
a clinging blouse, but one swiftly forgot the Rubenesque bulges because of
her great warmth and genuine delight. Fler boy, just 18, trainee in the
Deutsche Biicherei, is extremely good-looking, a disturbingly perfect
image of his pederast father, still half a child, but a good and studious one.
HJ of course, but (also by now of course) very reluctantly. The Ohlmanns
also reported what one hears everywhere, absolute discontent in all cir-
cles, in the village too. Interesting to me and characteristic of the petit
bourgeois was the fear of Russia. They believe Bolshevism— perhaps
rightly — to be the greater evil. They see through the Jew-baiting and do
not like it, but they put up with everything out of fear of Russia. We drank
very strong coffee, prepared on the spirit burner in accordance with our
instructions, on the lawn, the view was fairly nondescript, but neverthe-
less of a country village. It was terribly sultry and thundery, I had long ago
become wet through with sweat. We then took a few steps through the vil-
lage, drove the Ohlmanns a couple of miles on narrow field and forest

SEPTEMBER 1936

189

tracks and then very fast on a wide road to Dahlen. From there to Bucha
it's 2 or 3 miles, to Dresden a little under 40 miles. As we took our leave it
began to rain heavily and the top had to be put up. Sweatbox. The drive
back began just before six. Now the car just bowled along, I often drove at
45 mph. [ . . . ]

The evening before (Thursday) to a much-praised film in the Univer-
sum: Allotria [Skylarking]. Disappointment. [ . . . ] At the beginning of the
century, in the Residenztheater, my father laughed himself into rude
health at the very same kinds of things that derive from French formulas
of around 1860. The Third Reich called things like that Jewish and im-
moral non- Art. But now it is a German film masterpiece. — Again we saw
pictures of the red terror [...].

September 9, Wednesday, toward evening

Sat fruitlessly all day over the first chapter of Rousseau. My head hot and
completely depressed. All the worse because I constantly have to tell my-
self that all this effort is pointless. What does it matter whether I have one
manuscript bundle more or less in my drawer. The Nazi regime is more
firmly in the saddle than ever; even now they are triumphant in Niim-
berg: the "Party Rally of Honor," and making plans for eternity. And the
whole world inside and outside Germany is keeping its head down. The
Jewish Cultural Leagues (they should be hanged) have issued a statement,
saying they had nothing to do with sensational foreign news reports about
the situation of German Jews. Next they will certify that Der Stunner pub-
lishes nothing but the truth in fondest fashion — Bolshevism rages in
Spain, while here there is peace, order, justice, true democracy.

On Sunday we went for a longer drive again. [ . . . ]

Home by quarter to seven, very, very tired. Eva was in bed at half past
eight, I not much later. — Completely knocked out the next day. We did
not even have to resolve to make less arduous excursions in future; ex-
treme shortage of money in any case forces us to be sparing with gasoline.
Besides the weather has meanwhile turned unpleasantly stormy and
rainy.

Today we sat at home all day like prisoners; perhaps we shall drive to
the cinema after our meal.

September 14, Monday

We did not go to the cinema; car use for the whole week amounted to 18
miles, the Sunday drive yesterday was limited to 32 miles. 60 miles = 3 gal-
lons of gasoline + Ya of a quart of oil = approx. 5.20M. We are at such a low
ebb and so miserably weighed down by large bills (insurance with 108M
is the worst, in addition the exasperating church taxes, the dentist, etc.)

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that we have to count every penny and count it ever more gloomily. I shall
try to obtain another mortgage of 1,000-2,000M. That would save the life
insurance, allow the terrace construction to be carried out and remove the
worst financial embarrassment and constraint. Only: for how long? — And
who will consider our little house is worth enough to bear it?

On top of the money problems there is ever again and ever more
sharply (not blunted) the ghastliness of the political situation. What the
'Tarty Rally of Honor" produced in paroxysms and insane Jew-baiting
lies in the speeches of Hitler, Goebbels and Rosenberg beggars all imagi-
nation. One always thinks that surely somewhere in Germany voices of
shame and fear must be raised, protests must come from abroad, where
everywhere (even in Italy, our ally!) there are Jews in the highest posi-
tions—nothing! Admiration for the Third Reich, for its culture, trembling
fear of its army and its threats.

Despite everything and despite our terrible abandonment by all
friends, yesterday, Sunday, was consoling. In the morning I managed
the very difficult "essential features" section of my Rousseau, that is, the
dreaded curtain-raiser of the second volume. Certainly bitterness at the
hopelessness of the work was immediately there too; but nevertheless I
have managed this again, something has been completed, which is wait-
ing; perhaps there will be a miracle. [ . . . ] And at all events: I have proved
to myself once again that I can still produce. And once again I solemnly
swear to myself to continue working in the face of every challenge. (Today
and tomorrow I shall make a typed copy and polish it at the same time.)
[.••]

Read aloud for a long time in the evening. [ . . . ]

September 27, Sunday

The mayor's latest effort: "Causing a Public Nuisance" through the condi-
tion of my garden. [ . . . ] The matter has incensed and alarmed me since
yesterday to such a degree that everything else fades into the background
by comparison. We are so medievally helplessly powerless.

When I woke up early this morning I thought with dismay of my own
coldness of heart, that this blow affects and preoccupies me much more
than Wally's wretched condition. After four months of grievous suffering
and fevers — recently the talk was always of a liver problem — her gall-
bladder has now been removed. I thought Wally lost beyond all doubt, ex-
pected news of her death with every post and merely asked myself every
time, whether there would be enough money to drive to Berlin. It had al-
ready become an obsession for me, I saw the car at the cemetery gate, just
as at Felix's funeral the car of the widowed Frau Klemperer stood there. —
Now this morning Marta writes, the operation has gone well, and there is
every hope. Admittedly in the last few months first Mother Kohler and

SEPTEMBER 1936

191

then Professor Raab have died after operations that went well, both much
younger than Wally.

We had Lilly Jelski de Gandolfo, here on September 17 and 24 on her
journey to and from Prague. What I wrote in a letter to her brother Walter
yesterday is no polite lie. We used to call Lilly "the sea cow" and after her
Uruguay marriage, "the overseas cow." [ . . . ] Now we were both very
surprised and pleased at her simultaneously modest and confident char-
acter, introspective and with wide interests. We got on from the first mo-
ment. She complained how very miserable her childhood had been,
because of her parents' constant quarreling. Her husband studied music
in Berlin with a stipend from his government, they presumably had an af-
fair for several years. She herself was employed as a secretary in the
Uruguayan legation. In his homeland he found a provisional resting-place
as an office worker and had her follow after a year. They have now been
married for three years, and Lilly is back to see her parents for the first
time. What a mixing of blood, once she has children! The man Italian on
his father's side, Spanish on his mother's side — it is not quite certain
whether with or without some drops of Indio. She wears a Uruguayan
flag on the lapel of her dress: That way she does not look Jewish but South
American and so is spared trouble (especially as Uruguay has broken with
the "red" Spanish government).

The two excursions into the Erzgebirge and the Saxon Switzerland
really went very well. A little before that, on Sunday September 20, we had
been on the Bastei by ourselves and had — car owner's pride! — reversed
into the very same parking place among all the other cars, in which
Isakowitz s car stood on Whitsunday last year. On both occasions the view
through the thick and yet still transparent autumn fog was truly fantasti-
cally beautiful. "Fantastic" is now evidently a fashionable word, just like
colossal" in the days of the Imperial Guards lieutenant. With Isakowitz
and Jelski it was in every third sentence and with Lilly in every second.
[•••]

I went to see Trustee Tanneberg, whom we saw in vain in 1934. He im-
mediately said a mortgage of 2,000M could not be obtained: people are
afraid of not getting their money back because the government protects
debtors in every way. When he heard I was non- Aryan: "Then it is com-
pletely out of the question." Apart from that we had a long and friendly
conversation. The man, in his early forties, member of the Nazi Party since
29, formerly in the Stahlhelm, anti-Semitic as regards the immigrant East-
ern Jews, is nonetheless a vehement opponent of the government, not only
of its Jewish policy. His most interesting words: "I laugh every evening
when I listen to Radio Moscow. One only needs to substitute Stalin for
Hitler every time and Bolshevist for National Socialist, then the speeches
are identical." He said it was a puzzle to him how the regime managed to
carry on, above all an economic puzzle, but he saw no prospect of an end
to it. If there were peace, it would be years before the thing petered out. He

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did not think much of German war readiness. Rearmament was incom-
plete, the troops had been trained too quickly, the young people — the gen-
eration bom during the war— were lacking in robustness. He had seen
them in the exercise area only recently, completely exhausted. He too
seemed to regard war and defeat as deliverance. But he said: The young
(not the old!) officers are completely loyal to Hitler: "They always say,
things could not be better for them than they are now." His anti-Semitism:
"Why did they let in the Galicians during the war? Why did the Police
Commissioner of Berlin have to be a Jew, why a Jew in every prominent
position?" From which one may conclude that the NSDAP has assessed
the popular mood quite accurately and that the Jewish dream of being
German has been a dream after all. That is the most bitter truth for me. On
the other hand, Tanneberg quite rightly said: For propaganda they simply
have to have an enemy. First it was the Jews, now Bolshevism is the scape-
goat. — For all that I have no mortgage, and the money shortage is even
greater as a result of the mayor's latest threat, because I must now imme-
diately hire a gardener. Also Lilly's visit was expensive (and terribly ex-
hausting—I was busy in the kitchen the whole time, had to converse the
whole time, never got out of collar and boots).

A "Herr Doctor Helm" presented himself on Wengler's recommenda-
tion. Good-looking intellectual. Lawyer, counsel for workers, was locked
up for nine months, sells car polish at 2.50M a bottle, his wife makes
clothes. We conversed as colleagues, so to speak, he got a cigarette, I did
not buy anything.

When collecting stamps [ . . . ] I now pay attention to the postmark. Be-
fore they only used to say, for example: "Visit the Leipzig Fair!" or perhaps
"Drivers! Show consideration for others"; today, on a card from Berlin:
"Without a newspaper one is a man in the moon," and beside it a man sit-
ting on a crescent moon, his legs dangling. In our newspaper (and therefore
in all of them) they have been writing for days that one has to read a news-
paper. Recently in a speech by a Reich Press Leader (or something, I think
the name was Dietrich) statistics were presented, according to which the
Third Reich, by amalgamating and de-Liberalizing and removing all Jews
and those "intermarried with Jews," has reduced the number of German
newspapers from around 3,500 to around 2,500: now there are not enough
readers even for these, even though a subscription to Der StiXrmer and simi-
lar excrement is compulsory in many places. I do not at all believe that it is
only the competition of the radio that is to blame. People have had enough
of always hearing the same thing and of knowing that they are not getting
the truth anyway. There remains only a psychological puzzle, which I en-
countered for the first time in 1914 in Italy. Then someone from some news-
paper or other said to me: Everyone knows and everyone repeatedly says, £
pagato, and yet they allow themselves to be influenced and to believe! In
those days I thought: the illiterate mentality of childlike nations! That
would be impossible here in Germany! And now? Martha Wiechmann, ed-

OCTOBER 1936

193

ucated, a teacher, a democrat, the sister of a dismissed Prussian public pros-
ecutor: "I heard a lecture about Russia . . . Terrible! We're really better off,"
etc., etc.

[...]

Since making a fair copy of the "Essential Features" the work on
Rousseau has been considerably interrupted. First of all I do not like the
Life section at all, because I have to copy it all, after that I struggled
through the tome: Jansen, Jean-Jacques Rousseau as Musician , then there
were the days of Lilly's visit and their aftermath, then I absolutely had to
write for once to Walter and to Lissy Meyerhof [...], then yesterday there
was the shock of the public nuisance, then I spent the first half of today on
the diary and am still unshaven, and if the weather holds we shall proba-
bly go for a little drive in the afternoon. But I want to continue with it to-
morrow at the latest. [ . . . ]

We talked with Lilly several times about having children. She does not
want to, at least not yet, she too is of the opinion that it is not the essential
and important thing in a marriage. ("One does not need to marry for
that.") She told us how strange she had found it that her father asked her
about it, that he regarded it as her duty, but above all that he had men-
tioned the subject at all. Once he would not have done so at any price.

October 4, Sunday

Financial straits to the point of despair; a number of essential bills had to
be put off until October, which is now overburdened in turn. I am left with
about 160M for everyday needs for 31 days. Gasoline included.

I have not taken the car out of the garage at all for a whole week, today
admittedly because of the ghastly rainy and stormy weather [...].

Last Sunday too only a very short drive for reasons of economy, but pe-
culiarly interesting. Half by chance we found ourselves on the new Reich
autobahn from Wilsdruff to Dresden, less than an hour after it was
opened. There were still flags and flowers from the ceremony in the mom-
ing, a mass of cars moved slowly forward at a sightseeing pace, only oc-
casionally did anyone attempt a greater speed. This straight road,
consisting of four broad lanes, each direction separated by a strip of grass,
is magnificent. And bridges for people to cross over it. Spectators crowded
onto these bridges and the sides of the road. A procession. And a glorious
view as we were driving straight toward the Elbe and the Lossnitz Hills in
the evening sun. We drove the whole stretch and back again (two times TYj.
miles), and twice I risked a speed of 50 mph. A great pleasure, but what a
luxury, and how much sand in the eyes of the people. There are constantly
accidents at hundreds of railway level crossings, thousands of roads are in
the worst condition, everywhere there is a lack of cycle paths, which

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would do more to prevent accidents than all the tightening up of the law.
None of it is done because of course it would not catch the eye. On the
other hand "THE ROADS OF THE FUHRER"!

All week I have been writing the short section "Rousseau the Musician"
and have completed it today. Never has a work of mine turned out so well
as this Dix-huitieme. And I shall never be able to publish it.

October 9, Friday

This is probably the worst birthday of my life.

In the morning Martha informed me that Wally, who was thought to be
saved after a serious operation— supposedly removal of her gallbladder,
but no doubt it was cancer after all— is considered beyond help; she has
been packed off home from the hospital; Lotte, the doctor, recalled from
Switzerland, will care for her till the end.

In the morning at the library I was told gently, that as a non-Aryan I
was no longer allowed to use the reading room. They will let me take
everything home or give it to me in the catalog room, but an official ban
has been issued for the reading room.

In the afternoon we were in Tolkewitz for the cremation of Breit, of
whose death we learned quite by chance: Frau Lehmann had heard of it at
another Jewish cleaning job. At this funeral ceremony which was attended
by a very large number of people, most wearing top hats, only a very few
bare-headed brave Christians, like Gehrig (incidentally Frau Kuhn was
also there), so here I had a firsthand survey. Instead of a cleric, a friend, a
Berlin lawyer called Magnus, spoke first of all (he kept his hat on and so I
did too, although Breit was a Protestant, as I am).

The beginning was an imitation of a whining clerical tone, but then the
man got into his stride and spoke in his own fashion. He spoke in such a
way that none of his words would have been of any use to an informer,
and yet in such a way that Gerstle, who was standing beside me, whis-
pered to me afterward: "For once someone who spoke from the heart! An
instruction had been issued the day before, removing all legal works by
non-Aryan authors from the libraries and forbidding any new editions.
Breit, however, a former examiner of candidates for the bench, published
many important texts. The speaker repeatedly emphasized how much he
had given German law, and how he had constantly argued for living Ger-
man law and against formalism, and how that had been acknowledged
everywhere and how influential it had been, and how the future will value
it. [ . . . ] So it turned out to be a peculiarly "good funeral." [ . . . ]

We took Frau Kuhn a part of the way back in our car. Deeply moved she
tearfully flung her arms around Eva's neck and made a true declaration of
love and loyalty (some months ago she had responded somewhat coolly
to our political embitterment and after her husband had discovered the
Nordic soul of Frederick the Great).

OCTOBER 1936

195

October 10, Saturday

A couple of days ago there were birthday greetings from Ilse Klemperer.
Divorced from her mentally ill husband, she is going to Rio de Janeiro, to
her brother Kurt, with her son, and taking the ashes of her father Felix. He
"must not be left here alone." She can also take his Iron Cross, First Class.

Berthold Meyerhof visited us. The Meyerhofs always float to the top in
the strangest way. He has just been sacked from his job as representative
of a factory because he is not Aryan; so he is rid of debts that he owed the
factory. In Berlin, which as the capital is open to the eyes of the world,
anti-Semitism does not appear to be quite as rampant as here. Streicher in
Franconia and Mutschmann in Saxony are probably the non plus ultras.
For example, Berthold told us that Landsberg had been retired from his
railway post on full pay. Only recently we heard from his wife Idy-Bussy
(cf. the happy times of 1906!) in the oddest way. Cione, an Italian librar-
ian, visited me here; he sent a greeting card from Florence con gli amici
the Landsbergs, mother and daughter. Bussy's lines began: "It's a small
world."

A letter from Georg, who has gone into retirement in Newtonville and
travels back and forth between the growing families of his sons. They are
all in good positions (as young men and in practical professions) and have
all escaped the inferno germanico. I replied at considerable length today,
also wrote about the car and how I would hardly be able to maintain it.

[...]

We were at the flower show for the twenty-sixth and last time; it made
a melancholy dying impression and will be closed on Sunday. Among the
sculptures there a pretentious-looking group always annoyed me: a
young man, balancing on the toes of one foot as he runs, holds a young
girl by the waist, who, gripped at just that moment, arches backward co-
quettishly with the upper part of her body and has more support at the
waist than on the ground. The whole thing is evidently meant to embody
the great movement of youth, but is only a wobbly bluff of difficulty
vain^ue. This sculpture suddenly seemed to me a symbol of the new
Reich, and I called it Stabilitas. The private historical significance of the
show for me is that it was almost the main reason why I started driving. I
wanted to make frequent visits possible for Eva and made the purchase of
the season tickets dependent on learning to drive.

I read the third volume of Buck's China trilogy. The Divided House ,
aloud; it is the richest and most interesting. The development of China be-
tween old and new. A very great writer.

October 14, Wednesday

The manuscript of the second Rousseau chapter is finished at last. For
whom? The simple fact that I give the long quotations in French would be

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a major obstacle to publication even in a Germany with a different gov-
ernment; because this whole generation no longer learns French anymore.

After a long gap we went for a little drive on Sunday afternoon. As far
as Kipsdorf and back after stopping for a brief walk. It was really our first
winter drive, and my hands became numb at the wheel. I was twice
alarmed by my eyes when the low sun flickered in my face. I have often
been troubled by glare before, but this time there was something new. In
the hazy sunshine I see a cyclist in front of me on the right and want to
pass him, when suddenly he disappears, as if blotted out — not there in-
distinctly, but literally gone. The same thing happened a few minutes later
with a whole troop of walkers. I realized afterward that I must have been
affected by a momentary blindness.

This evening we are supposed to be at Frau Schaps', together with the
Spiegelbergs — whose wife we do not know yet.

Language of the Third Reich: The day before yesterday in the newspaper:
"Eight national comrades were injured . . . when the trams collided." — The
Querschnitt was banned until further notice, because it published a series
of intellectualist and almost subversive comments.

Eva's state of health has been rather indifferent again recently. In the
evenings she has to lie down immediately after our meal because of ner-
vous shuddering, I read aloud in the bedroom. Her powers of resistance in
the face of ever-increasing poverty and oppression are fairly exhausted.

[...]

October 18, Sunday

Wally died on the evening of October 14 while we were with Frau Schaps.
59 years old, she was cremated yesterday afternoon. Cancer of the pan-
creas— all the other information was untrue, so as to deceive her. They had
tried some new injections, in vain. About two weeks ago when they made
another attempt to operate, they simply opened her up and stitched her
together again, without doing anything, because it was completely hope-
less. In the end she was given a lot of morphine — "otherwise it would
have taken longer," Lotte told me.

I set out for the cremation yesterday at midday and was in Dresden
again at ten. Considerate of poor Wally to make a weekend ticket possible;
even those twelve marks were almost beyond my means. 1931, 1932, 1936:
To the funerals of Berthold, Felix, Wally, each time for a few hours, these
have been my visits to Berlin in recent years. It was the most dreadful fu-
neral I have ever attended. At Wally's request the time had not been an-
nounced and all fuss avoided. But then one should have been consistent
and not organized a ceremony at all. So sitting in the absolutely empty big
hall in Berliner Strasse (where Felix had also been cremated) there were
only Sussmann, Lotte, Hilde (a good-natured, plump young creature with
full lips, her face swollen from weeping, come from Stockholm for a few

OCTOBER 1936

197

days, but too late to see her mother alive), Anny, Berthold's widow, Marta,
Lilly and I. And Jelski, whom no one in this circle takes seriously or even
respects, spoke (without vestments) a few words, incidentally neither tact-
less nor bad. Before and after a couple of paltry bars on the organ. The cof-
fin slid smartly down, the flap closed like the door of a railway station lift,
not even a few flowers thrown after it as a substitute for earth. Before and
after the very dry businesslike words of an official: "Sussmann? ... Is no
one else coming? . . . Who's speaking? . . . Then we can begin . . . Please
sign here." I saw the clock above the entrance: 6 o'clock till 6:20. Marta and
Lilly had picked me up at half past three at Anhalter Station in Army's car;
we were driven to her small, pretty apartment in Kudowastrasse. A whole
new residential quarter has been built there at Roseneck. At the Jelskis a
tense atmosphere as always. He does not want to hear anything about pol-
itics, I think he still sympathizes with the Nazis a little; Marta extremely
bitter. Marta, Lilly and I walked to the crematorium, which was fairly
close, arrived very early, sat down on a bench in the outer hall and talked
while a very animated assembly of mourners poured out, conspicuous
among them two cheerful, laughing old men (hurrah, we're alive!). Marta
told us that the Sussmanns had long been dissenters, but that Wally had
for many years and not just since her illness firmly believed in God and
the immortal soul, and under the influence of a woman friend, had done
so in a specifically Protestant form with Bible reading. She had also not
feared death as such, only she would have so much wanted to live another
couple of years and see the end of the Third Reich. . . . Sussmann is an old
and broken man. Lotte told me she fears so much for him because depres-
sions and suicide have occurred frequently in his family. She has given up
her post in a Swiss mental hospital and wants to do theoretical work and
journalism and stay with her father. All private suffering is multiplied and
poisoned a thousand times over by the political circumstances; Suss-
mann's two other daughters have to live abroad. . . . Sussmann kept a tight
hold of himself. He asked me about my work. On the subject of language
he said I should pay attention to the word dynamic. As a doctor, he said, he
had quite a lot to do. The harassment had lessened now, yes, they were
even supposed to be encouraging some £migr£ doctors to return because
there were not enough doctors for the coming war. And Marta talked
about Milch, the air force general, who had a Jewish father and an Aryan
mother: he claims he was the offspring of his mother's adultery with an
Aryan.

I could not refuse the embarrassment of returning with Anny, whose
car was this time ceded to the Sussmanns, and who herself had a taxi wait-
ing. She took me as far as her old apartment and then paid the driver to go
on to Anhalter Station. It was terribly unpleasant for me, but how could I
have avoided it? There was no time for explanations. Anny herself had
aged, was hard of hearing, very emotional, in addition suffering from in-
fluenza, restrained, but her voice sullenly tearful so to speak. Her oldest is
studying technology in the USA, her Peter, whom I have never seen, is

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now eight, she herself fifty-one. "If he had not been bestowed upon me so
late, I would no doubt have put an end to it all ..." She asked about my
work. "Why don't you publish anything in America?" I said: "I am wait-
ing." She: "What for?" Somewhat agitated, my voice and expression per-
haps overtheatrical, I said: "For my Fatherland, I have no other!" She,
rather surprised and almost pleased: "Oh, so you still think . . . ?" And: "I
do not want to emigrate either." And Georg, her eldest, thinks likewise,
thank God. On the whole I had the impression that none of us dares hope
for change anymore. "It" has already lasted so long in Russia and Italy,
said Sussmann, and the juxtaposition did honor to his reason . . . On the
journey to Berlin and back I clung to Janet's Fenelon monograph. I would
so very much like to complete my book and the Language of the Third
Reich and my memoirs. And so very much like to survive this time. But
my heart is very poor. And Eva's nerves are deteriorating very badly. But
it was a great joy to come home and to love each other very much,

I asked Lilly to approach the Japanese legation through her friends at
the Uruguayan legation and find a contact for me. The Japanese are sup-
posed to be attracting all kinds of German scholars to their universities or
colleges. That takes me to the evening at Frau Schaps on the day of Wally's
death. There was a small party. I talked a lot to Spiegelberg and his young
(second) wife, who is Swiss and a student of Mary Wigman. Spiegelberg
wants to go to India, makes many applications and to this end has fre-
quently been abroad and attended conferences. He said: Only connec-
tions, only making yourself known to people personally procures a
position. He put me on to Japan. He also passed on a greeting from Tillich,
who did not reply to my letter last year. Tillich does not write to anyone.
He is established in America. He says written applications are pointless,
one must arrive in the USA penniless, if possible starving and in rags, best
of all just out of prison (or at least act as if one were). Only then, but then
with certainty, would one get a post. Spiegelberg, who has no idea in what
financial difficulties I find myself— how should he? after all our car is out-
side— repeated his message to me again and again: Travel to Italy, travel to
the USA, it does not cost much, sell a few securities, why wait until it is too
late? He does not know that I do not have "a few securities." Also for both
of us, it remains an open question whether we should not after all hang on
here to the very last, even till it is "too late." Spiegelberg says that in
Switzerland they do not believe there will be any change in Germany
without war. But the war will be a long time in coming, because the inter-
national arms industry is still making too much money from the general
rearmament. . . . An old District Court Judge told us that Goebbels had
just published an essay in the Europiiische Revue. He said the NSDAP
knows that a political system, which is in the least degree dependent on
lies, cannot be a lasting one; consequently they, the Nazis, had never made
use of even the smallest lie . . . Then also of great and melancholy interest
to me, to discover that Toni Gerstle, whom I had always believed to have

OCTOBER 1936

199

a cool head, is a firm believer in astrology. She believes in star positions,
"it" has always proved right so far. She was half offended and half con-
temptuous that my shallow rationalism should doubt these things. Rea-
son was impotent after all, the influence of the constellations, perhaps on
the hour of our conception, was absolutely certain. Should I be surprised
if Hitler assails "intellectualism" and swears by blood? What else is the
daughter of a Jewish Supreme Court judge doing? And in what way are
the Zionists different from the Nazis? People treat reason as if it were the
most minor and harmful aspect of a whole human being. It is as if a soldier
standing guard were to say to himself: What good would my rifle be, if I
were now to be attacked by a dozen enemies? I shall therefore lay it aside
and smoke opium cigarettes until I doze off.

Fraulein Roth, the librarian, was here on Friday afternoon and evening.
Vehemently opposed to the Nazis— but: "If they had expelled the Eastern
Jews or had excluded Jews from the bench, that at least would have been
comprehensible." So that would not have seemed absolutely evil to her. So
here too Hitler is not without a base.

I love my Dix-huiti£me more than ever. Besides, Fraulein Roth was
very taken with my first Rousseau chapter and pleased at the contempo-
rary references. The fact is, that the Nazi doctrine is in part not really alien
to the people, in part is gradually polluting the healthy section of the pop-
ulation. Neither Christian nor Jew is safe from infection. — Roth further
told me that my books have been removed from the library reading room.

October 30, Friday

Very bad days. There is a demand for church tax of 121M to be paid by No-
vember 10 (that it happens to be a church tax is a particular mockery), and
in December I am supposed to pay 108M insurance. We are virtually des-
titute. I still had five of the three-mark coins that had been taken out of cir-
culation. [ . . . ] A coin dealer did not want them but curiously enough the
Reich Bank still redeemed them. So an extra 15M. Then Frau Lehmann
was cut back: only once a week and from November 1 "on leave for a cou-
ple of months." Then the telephone was canceled. Then I gave up my cig-
arillos and went back to the short pipe (which is a considerable torment
for me — dirtiness, tobacco juice in my mouth, inflamed tongue and lips —
but it only costs 12 pfennigs a day). All that depresses me horribly. And
the car stands unused and is expensive even when it is not moving. There
is no money to adapt it properly for the winter, and the starter is on strike.

— Particularly bad, that Eva's powers of resistance are fairly much ex-
hausted: bouts of trembling in the evenings, deep melancholy and so on.

— And nowhere any prospect of change. Goering's speech yesterday on
the "Four- Year Plan" sounded gratifyingly desperate, and that was a ray
of hope; but I no longer quite believe that the end is really near; there is no

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one who is really resisting, neither here nor abroad. And this government
has all the trumps. As now in the Spanish game. Sometimes I am dead-
tired. But again and again I force myself to go on working. The third
Rousseau chapter crawls forward.

I read aloud a great deal in the evening.

November 24, Tuesday

We were delivered from the worst of the situation by a quite unexpected
and truly very moving present of 500M from Georg [...]. With that we
got out of the tax difficulty, we could finally have cement laid on the ter-
race above the garage— last Saturday Lange worked on it until midnight,
now old carpets have been laid over it to ward off the frost, there have
been 4 to 6 degrees of frost at night— in Wilsdruff we bought Eva's longed-
for fruit trees and bushes, we also bought a little heater for the car and had
some small repairs done to the old thing, but there is not much that can be
done, the pistons are loosening, and the money will just not stretch to a
general repair. In any case the weather and the early darkness keep us
from driving. Apart from Wilsdruff we were only in Dippoldiswalde once
(on the open road I managed 50 mph) and a couple of times in town. Once
on a Sunday morning to a free publicity film produced by the Aral Works.
Magnificent pictures from mines and industry, information that interests
me very much now, about combustion in the pistons, test stands, etc.; in
between there were amusing pictures and scenes of driving. [ . . . ]

During the financially most critical days I turned to Trude Ohlmann, to
ask her if she could help me sell a number of books. She took on the task
with friendly enthusiasm. In fact Fock in Leipzig gave me 40M for the
Creizenach; on the other hand I could not get rid of my Handbook of Liter-
ary History. An antiquarian offered 100M for the 200 or more parts (value
when new 440M), not in cash, but as a credit against further orders; he ap-
peared to think I still had my post, and of course I used to buy this and
that for the department library.

Anyhow: Georg was of very great help, we are back on our feet again for
a couple of months, perhaps we can even raise the January installment for
the Iduna — and who can think further ahead than that? I now have the im-
pression that war is unavoidable; every day brings it closer, the Spanish af-
fair can hardly continue to be restricted to Spain, we follow the news with
the most desperate interest and talk about it for hours. But here I do not
want to keep a note of what, after all, is general history, the German-Italian
alliance, the recognized Franco regime that champions the Spanish-
national and European cause with Moroccans, Madrid still unconquered,
the tension with England, etc., etc. We have learned patience and were
quite without hope and are still only halfway hopeful, but the pitcher has
truly been going to the well for a very long time now, and every day with a
greater (perhaps desperate?) foolhardiness.

DECEMBER 1936

201

On the language of the Third Reich: [ . . . ] The Fiihrer must be followed
blindly, blindly! — Systematic use of quotation marks as a means of ren-
dering contemptible: In the Spanish business the newspaper has for weeks
only been allowed to write "government," "cabinet," "minister," when the
talk is of the "Reds" (mild version) or the red hordes. [ . . . ] Indirectly
characteristic: Helmut Lehmann, in the fourth year of an apprenticeship at
Horch, is working on the car. Whenever he is considering whether a screw
should be unscrewed or a nozzle checked or even the smallest manual ac-
tion, he does not say: I want to do or attempt this or that or use some other
verb, but always (even though he is entirely alone) repeats again and
again (a dozen times at least): "That can be organized." (Mechanized catch-
word.) — I must relate my Rousseau observations to this study of lan-
guage.

Spamer, who had spoken so contemptuously about national psychol-
ogy and is now in charge of the Reich Office for Folk Studies, is the editor
of an anthology, German Folk Studies. The publishing house has just an-
nounced a second edition after five months! How can this work fit with
Spamer 's basic ideas? As much as the Nordic Frederick the Great with
Kuhn's ideas. And they are the most human among my former colleagues!
Truly: Fiamme dal del!

I must also pay attention to the Congress on Research on Jewry, which
has just met, and its opinions of Jewish and German natural science — not
with a completely clear conscience because I myself went astray a little be-
cause of my cultural history.

A card from Grete, who feels in need of contact, she is old, suffering, can
no longer leave house or garden. Perhaps half of it is true. [ . . . ] A lengthy
and contented letter from Betty Klemperer in Cleveland. She is settling
down and feels at home. She has had her first driving lesson. Betty is liv-
ing with her youngest (Wolfgang), who is a doctor in the hospital there.

A young man hurries past me in the crowd on Prager Strasse, a com-
plete stranger, half turns and says with a beaming face: "I've got work —
the first time in three years— and good work— at Renner's— they pay
well! — for four weeks!" — and runs on.

I wrote a few lines to Martin Sussmann on his birthday. It was embar-
rassing because of a poverty of language. [ . . . ]

Meanwhile the third Rousseau chapter is finished, half of it already
typed.

December 8, Tuesday

The last few days marked by influenza or something like it. Eva has a
stomach complaint, is knocked out, lies down a lot; my usual rheumatic
pains have got so much worse that I spent almost all of one night out of
bed, could hardly use my left shoulder, my left arm, am still much im-

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peded now (in addition the usual reminder of my heart in the park). Our
housekeeping came to a halt; today we brought Frau Lehmann here in the
car, and as I drove in I collided with the garden gate again for the first time
in months. Bent bumper and a great blow to my pride, since [...] in re-
cent weeks [ . . . ] I had felt very sure of myself and believed I had now fi-
nally outgrown my swaddling clothes as a driver. [ . . . ]

One day war seems imminent and the next completely remote. Today is
one of the latter. And tomorrow the trial of the Gustloff murderer, the "Jew
Frankfurter," begins in Chur.

Last Sunday Berthold Meyerhof was here for a couple of hours. Af-
fected by a kidney problem, sacked as the Jewish representative of a local
engineering factory and always Meyerhofianly indestructible. [ . . . ]
Otherwise completely alone, absolutely alone. [ . . . ]

Rousseau, Chapter 3, is completely finished, typed, corrected, read out
to Eva. Today I started the Contrat social. At the moment I believe this will
be the hardest part, and here everything has already been chewed over for
me by Ducros. But things always look like that at the beginning.

Our telephone was removed on December 1. An almost symbolic act.
Completely impoverished and completely isolated.

[..]

December 10, Thursday

Began to write the fourth Rousseau chapter, but so utterly tired today
that I cannot write a single line.

I shall write the necessary Christmas letter to Betty Klemperer. And in
the evening perhaps at last to the cinema again.

December 13, Sunday evening

At the cinema on Thursday, Der Bettelstudent [The Poor Student]. [ . . . ]
Today around noon a little winter drive to Kipsdorf. Skidded for the
first time on an icy road near Schmiedeberg. Horrible feeling.

In the Gustloff trial in Chur, the murderer, Frankfurter, said he hesi-
tated when Frau Gustloff opened the door to him, for the first time he had
the thought, a married man, a human being . . . Then he heard Gustloff
talking on the phone: "These Jewish swine!" and he fired. [ . . . ]

Language of the Third Reich: Last summer battle of production. — Now
in the Christmas advertisements: battle of customers. [ . . . ]

In the film paper bought recently I was struck by the appalling degree
of toadying to the government. An actress gives a brief account of her life.
It had to have the sentence: I was fortunate to see the Fiihrer as he drove
to the stadium.

DECEMBER 1936

203

New Year's Eve 1936, Thursday

Johanna Kruger, the student friend of our Munich days, whom we had not
seen for years, spent three of the evenings since Christmas with us. Aged
a great deal (older looking than sixty), very nervous, but still nimble. She
teaches at a private school in Limburg, friends with a number of Jews,
once an intimate of Fritz Mauthner, free thinking, an opponent of the
Third Reich, but nevertheless imbued with a fairly lukewarm opposition
and without the aversion that is necessary to a genuinely thoughtful per-
son. We did not exactly argue, but we did not come to a real understand-
ing either. I am quite pleased that she is spending the second part of her
holidays in Berlin. The old common points of interest (Muncker, Hermann
Paul, Albert Hirsch, from whom a letter just arrived— he has managed to
find a post at a Jewish school in Frankfurt) no longer bound us closely
enough. Whoever is not a mortal enemy of the Nazis, cannot be my friend.

We passed Christmas very quietly. We drove to Wilsdruff and bought a
fir at the nursery there for delivery in the spring, we also took a little
Christmas tree with root bales away in the car; the lights will bum in the
room for the last time today and after that it will be bedded out. Unfortu-
nately the buggy has recently been more a cause of worry than of pleasure
once again; hardship simply leads to poverty; it was bought secondhand,
now it needs to be repaired again and again, Georg's financial help did not
go very far. (It is doubtful whether we shall be able to pay the Iduna in Jan-
uary.)

Very irksome in recent weeks and very much at the expense of my
Eighteenth Century has been the large amount of work in the kitchen. I
wanted to manage the fourth Rousseau chapter by Christmas and yester-
day wearily finished the Contrat social. So the work on Rousseau will drag
on into March. Getting rid of Frau Lehmann hits me hard.

There were Christmas letters from the Isakowitzes, who are getting on
tolerably well, from Georg's eldest, who is about to be naturalized in En-
gland and has two sons of seven and nine at English schools, from
Hatzfeld, who like me is endeavoring in vain to find a post abroad — who
wants a Romance scholar from Germany?

The fifteen-year-old daughter of Lange, the Communist carpenter,
came home from work camp, won over to National Socialism, alienated
from her parents. The group leader gathered the girls around her on the
railway platform and delivered an invocation in the form of a farewell
speech: "You are independent human beings, act according to what you
have heard from me, do not let your parents lead you astray!" When Frau
Lange tried to have a serious talk with her daughter, she was told: "You
are insulting my leader!" I think of this case multiplied a hundred thou-
sand times and am very depressed.

After my dismissal in the summer of '35, when I still had foreign hopes,
Eva, whose intuition has always been very good, thought that Japan
might offer an opportunity. Since then we have been reminded of Japan a

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couple of times, even if at long intervals. Spiegelberg talked about it, and
Marta's Lilly believed she would be able to find contacts in the Japanese
legation. Today Marta sends an article from a Jewish newspaper: The di-
rector of the (Tokyo) Music Academy, Professor Pringsheim, has given a
speech. Pringsheim (brother-in-law of the expatriated Thomas Mann) is a
friend of Georg's, I should immediately try to make contact through
Georg. And so I immediately sent an urgently worded letter to New-
tonville.

The Dresden Lord Mayor has decreed that the "Judenhof" ("Jews'
Yard") is to be called Neumarkt (New Market). There is no need to be re-
minded that a synagogue once stood here. (Funny really— because "Jews'
Yard" sounds very ghettolike and not philo-Semitic at all.)

I can sum up the year very briefly.

The joys and sorrows of driving, the test in January, the car in March,
drove 3,750 miles.

Constant impoverishment and increasing financial woes; in October
Georg saved us from the worst embarrassment, but saved us only for the
moment. Increasingly isolated. No hope at all anymore of a post abroad,
very little— I do not want to say none at all, it changes from hour to hour-
very little of an end to the Third Reich.

The first volume of the Eighteenth Century completely finished (and
not placed with the Breslau publisher); Rousseau since May (and still not
finished).

In October to Wally's cremation in Berlin for a couple of hours.

1937

.

January 10, Sunday, toward evening

In the morning the Langes brought an old craftsman, who will perhaps
transplant part of my heating here in the study to the garage. The man
began to talk philosophy and politics in an intelligent and moderate way,
[ • • • ] and so the time passed until midday and then I was utterly tired.
[•..]

The Contrat social part is finished and typed, I am now at the beginning
of Emile. Again and again and ever more clearly: This will be my best book
and the best section of the literary history.

On New Year's Day we went for a pretty little midday drive: Wils-
druff— autobahn (it was quite deserted and the beautiful view of the
heights above the river was hidden by fog), back right through the whole
of Dresden . . . Otherwise in recent days only short trips into town, unfor-
tunately usually to the dentist, where we are both patients, unfortunately
in the piston-rattling car. There is not enough for repairs — Michael wants
to do it in February during his holiday to discharge his debt— also there is
not enough money for the Iduna. I am quite fatalistic about it. Perhaps
there will be war, the threat of which comes closer every day — Spain and
thrice Spain, then Poland-Danzig, then Czechoslovakia, and eternally the
predatory cry for colonies and the raving against "Russia-Judah" (as I saw
it recently in the Freiheitskampf), and perhaps it will bring revolution and
aid or death, at any rate a conclusion, and perhaps something will come of
Tokyo and at all events: I cannot help.

[...]

I think it was '23, in any case the year of the Ruhr occupation, that I was
prevented from holding the speech on January 18. Afterward Ulich, the
department head, came to my lecture to console me — but the republican
government did nothing about the fact that I had been prevented from
speaking. That is how weak it was, and National Socialism already so
powerful and popular. Except that at the time I did not yet see it like that.
How comforting and depressing that is! Depressing: Hitler really was in
line with the will of the German people. Comforting: One never really
knows what is going on. Then the Republic seemed secure, today the
Third Reich appears secure.

[...]

How much I would like to write my memoirs one day! But first the
Eighteenth Century and then the Language of the Third Reich or even of
three revolutions and then, "and then you are dead."

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January 11, Monday

In the last Sunday summary of the Dresdener NN, Theodor Schulze writes:
"Liberalism is the cradle of Anarchy." Schulze was already editorial writer
of the paper when it was still liberal and belonged to the Jew Wollf. Shoul-
der against the same wall with Kuhn, the historian of the Nordic Freder-
ick the Great.

[...]

Then I read from Pearl Buck, The Exile. [ . . . ]

Annemarie Kohler sent the book to us at Christmas with a puzzling
note: she had had to cut short her holiday at home in September, since
then "not had a minute's peace," she would visit us soon. I wrote her a
cordial, but very serious letter, I had thought that I had to "write her off,"
like so many others, not out of sensitivity but of necessity. She should let
us hear from her. I also sent greetings to Dressel, inasmuch as he had not
yet recalled the duties of a true German. There has been no reply yet.

Nor has there been any word from the Wenglers for many months.

January 18, Monday

For a moment last week I thought matters had come to a head, war was
about to break out over Spanish Morocco. The next day peace talks be-
tween Hitler and France. No one believes in them, the tension is just as
great as before and everything is as it was.

This week I hope to complete the manuscript of the Emile section. The
whole work on Rousseau will turn out well, my best and most mature al-
together. But in every respect I work without hope. It advances so slowly,
not only because the kitchen, etc. takes up half the day, but also because I
tire so quickly, neither my head nor my eternally inflamed eyes get me
very far anymore.

Again, with the Rousseau more general thoughts are constantly and si-
multaneously going through my mind. On the Language of the Third
Reich and beyond that. That national literatures or the national element in
the literatures have declined into insignificance and into the small-
mindedness and danger of mendacity of "locally rooted art." That radio,
film, airplane underlie the intellectual fusion of the world. That here one
can no longer separate technological and spiritual, body and soul. [ . . . ]
Then the eternal mission, the eternally avant-garde Jewish spirit. Now
Hitler, the scourge of God, has ensured another worldwide diaspora.
Georg writes from Newtonville, Betty and Wolfgang describe their experi-
ences (and the same joys and sorrows of driving) in Cleveland, Ohio; I ask
Georg for a recommendation to Tokyo, Frau Schaps tells me about her
nephew in Sacramento, she tells me that Blumenfeld in Lima is conduct-
ing aptitude tests for pilots . . . Who wants to halt the course of the Inter-

JANUARY 1937

209

national (not in the political sense and yet again also in the political sense)?
On top of that the international elements in the Language of the Third
Reich. As I am talking about that, Eva also adds the USA and ghetto, and
the ideas associated with them, which have so often gone through my and
our heads. All of that would have to find a place in the introduction to the
Language of the Third Reich. All of that could at some point lead me away
from French to American literary history. But I am so infinitely depressed
with respect to the general situation and to my own health. For the most
part I believe that it will all remain unwritten and not even my Eighteenth
Century will be completed.

January 24, Sunday

People are dying all around. In the last few days: first Pratorius, the hon-
est little master builder cum craftsman with his insufferable wife, who
built our house and was going to finish building it in better times. He was
old for as long as we knew him, but until last summer vigorous and inde-
structible. Then he became obviously senile. He reached the age of 71, we
had known him for a good dozen years. Then yesterday we heard the
news that Kalix had shot himself. I never saw the dog, but felt his dirty
persecution for years. He was mayor here, well known as a depraved fel-
low, widely hated and feared. He twice threatened me with arrest. Cause
of death is likely to be venereal disease or graft or both. The typical minor
dignitary of the Third Reich. We took his end as a good omen.

We heard the news from the "vegetable peel woman" (collector of
scraps for her rabbits) on the twenty-third, that is, the first anniversary of
my driving test. That day as I was waiting in Mommsenstrasse between
the theoretical and practical parts of the test, Trefftz happened to leave his
nearby apartment and we chatted. I had for a long time disapproved of
Trefftz, professor of engineering and aviation, Rhinelander, seven years
younger than I, close friend of the Wieghardts despite emphatically na-
tional opinions, because of his boyish character, but later I learned to ap-
preciate him because of his human decency. He told me that day: "The
Nazis are fighting with their backs to the wall; they will fight desperately,
but they will fall; only that won't help you, because where will the next
government get the money for such a luxury subject?" — Then I met him
three months ago, I think in front of the State Bank; he was walking with
a cane, but was very cheerful. He said he felt as he did in the field, when
he left the trenches: blood poisoning caused by something quite insignif-
icant, several operations, almost given up for lost, but now saved and al-
most completely recovered. Yesterday his obituary was in the Dresdener
NN f21.1.37, * '88. 1 had often envied the man. He leaves five young chil-
dren.

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January 28, Thursday

The Kalix case (whatever the actual circumstances may be) is extraordi-
narily characteristic of the Third Reich. In a little place like Dolzschen,
which is quite separate from Dresden, the inhabitants certainly know all
about their local notables. The mayor, previously a traveler in leather
goods, was already out of office for some time last year. At the time peo-
ple said with an ominous grin: "Sick — probably won't come back"; sexual
offenses were supposed to be involved. Now, at his sudden demise, the
word immediately is: suicide or coerced suicide. Then in the newspaper
there was the most honorable obituary for the very "old warrior" ("old
warrior": Language of the Third Reich!), who had been shot in a tragic ac-
cident; he had handed(!!) a revolver to two policemen as they were going
on duty, the weapon had gone off and killed him immediately. The whole
population attended the funeral. He was solemnly taken from the
Begerburg (now the Party House) to the cemetery. Zomer, the mayor of
Dresden, was there with other Party bigwigs, the minister of Pesterwitz
gave a pious sermon — a long report about it all in the Dresdener NN: "Tak-
ing Leave of Mayor Kalix." Just imagine how it will have looked in the
Freiheitskampf! — Then the vegetable peel woman came by: "My husband
(railway worker) says the two policemen forced him to shoot himself. And
the funeral procession! It was as if they were at a baptism!" Then came
Vogel, the grocer, who makes deliveries to about fifty people up here
every Wednesday and so of course knows Dolzschen's happenings and
vox populi inside out: "It was definitely suicide, in all probability he was
forced to do it — sexual offenses — I told you last year, didn't I, he won't be
around much longer."

The new Civil Service Law of the Third Reich is published in the same
number as "Taking Leave of Mayor Kalix": Previously civil servants had
to swear an oath to the Weimar Constitution; now "the new law estab-
lishes a relationship of loyalty to the Fiihrer in the true German sense of
personal loyalty and allegiance." Furthermore "the law expresses the in-
dissoluble unity of Party and State." [ . . . ]

Lange told us different sources had confirmed that a whole SA unit has
been sent to Spain, that several families had been informed of the heroic
Spanish death of their sons. But we are neutral, and only Moscow and
France . . .

[...]

Fraulein Carlo visited us after a long gap. She told us that SA men often
complained to her; there is very great embitterment in their circles, and
the revolution will come from that side.

[..]

The Emile chapter finished.

On Saturday (January 30, fourth anniversary of the seizure of power):
Reichstag and government declaration, shops closed, "everyone listens to
the Fiihrer." The butter seller has just been up to our "lighthouse" and re-

FEBRUARY 1937

211

ports, people say that this time there is going to be a colony — leased from
Portugal for 90 years. — If that is true and goes through without a war
[ • • • ] then the 3rd Reich will last for decades yet. I am deeply depressed.

February 5, Friday

Nothing seems to have come of the colony, an official denial of the "ru-
mors" was issued on the morning of January 30, in the big speech there
was a solemn assurance that one only wanted to have the "stolen
colonies" back. Aside from that the speech was less pacific than the pre-
vious ones. But when will war break out? My hopes have again sunk
below zero. On the thirtieth, on the other hand, I was very happy that at
least the big success had failed to materialize. I asked first a tram con-
ductor, then the man at the lending library about the content of the
speech.

The speech again was grist to my Rousseau mill: "Sole bearer of sover-
eignty is the people." — Goering slipped up once again: the Reichstag
does after all have a significance. The after all significant Reichstag voted
to give Hitler discretionary power for a further four years.

Yesterday anniversary of the death of Gustloff, shot by the "cowardly
Jew." SAboss Lutze in a commemorative speech: the unfathomable hatred
of the lower race. — The Reichstag continues to be played in the Kroll
Opera House. Bad conscience in the face of the proper building?

Again a completely wretched lack of money, and the car in a completely
wretched state. The pistons are failing to such a degree that yesterday I
steered the car only with difficulty, and today it had to be laid up. Michael
owes me money and wants instead to carry out the expensive repairs
(otherwise beyond my means) in February, when he is here on leave from
his air force camp. February has another 23 days, and Michael has never
kept his word to me yet.

Yesterday — after a long interval, and after Eva had, literally for days on
end, cleaned out the completely greasy and oily engine space and had fit-
ted a new ventilator belt, and after we had previously had the worst luck
several times over: Once when we wanted to drive out the radiator water
boiled over, that was the old belt finished, once after repairs the gasoline
was finished, the car was standing in Goeringstrasse at half past eight, I
fetched a gallon from Bienertstrasse in a can, then I could not open the
gasoline tank cap, then we were back in our shed at half past ten (and that
was supposed to have been a cinema evening) — in any case after all that
we ventured out yesterday, largely making use of first gear and with a lot
of noise. Still: We did many of our errands over lunchtime: the obligatory
new "automobile certificate" at the county office (military stock-taking?),
oil in the New Town, the unfortunately necessary new gas stove. And in
the evening the long planned cinema visit.

San Francisco. All too American. [ . . . ]

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February 11, Thursday

Emile chapter completely finished. I wrote to ask Wengler, from whom I
have heard nothing for months, whether he could borrow the critical edi-
tion of Heloise (and a number of other things) from the department library.
He came here with his sister on Sunday afternoon: he did not dare do so,
the new Civil Service Law is too strict . . . people of German blood . . . and
so on. It was brave of him to visit me at all. Thus the sense of being cut off
gets worse every day. Wengler told us he had been sent for a course in a
"camp" at Konigs Wusterhausen. Teachers between forty and fifty. They
slept six to a room, wore uniforms, did digging and sports, were given ed-
ucative lectures. A headmaster talked about the character of the French;
they were similar to the Jews, they did not love animals. [ . . . ]

March 5, Friday

I have at last just written the final line of the Heloise chapter and so ended
the manuscript of the Rousseau. Typing the remainder, plowing through the
work as a whole once again will certainly take up all of March; I began the
reading at the beginning of May the writing at the beginning of September:
so the little book (more a monograph than a chapter) has taken me eleven
months.

Wengler wrote to me in the last few days, his lectureship ceases to exist
from April 1, the TU now only retains an English lectureship.

March 27, Saturday — Easter tomorrow, probably a white one

The Rousseau was completely finished yesterday, fit to print with all the
notes, all 104 pages checked, corrected, harmonized once again. Now it
can be bundled up and grow moldy. It is a desperately sad business: my
best book and altogether useless, a quixotic effort. To what extent was em-
phatically demonstrated to me once again only yesterday. The senseless
relegation of French as a school subject began in 1919. Now the culturally
destructive schools program, the Third Reich's "reform," has been issued
with immediate effect. All secondary schools lose the upper sixth, and
French will basically only still be taught at some girls' schools. Even if at
some point in the future a publisher should be found (unreal if!) — who in
Germany would still be able to read my book? It abounds in French quo-
tations, and if I were to translate them into German, all the comments on
style would be left hanging in the air. Whatever, whether I think of the
Rousseau as a monograph or as a part of my far too lengthy literary his-
tory, it has in either case no prospect of ever seeing the light of day. But if
I wanted to abbreviate the Rousseau or the whole Eighteenth Century, that

MARCH 1937

213

would leave a compendium, of a kind that has already been written by
others a hundred times, and my very own contribution would be lost. It is
wretched, and yet there is nothing left for me to do except continue my
work, now already in its fifth year, because I have been at it now since '33.

In addition to the wretchedness of this matter there are the ever increas-
ing money difficulties. Bolts were changed for 20M and from that arose the
necessity of changing all six connecting rods and cleaning the valves. In
one workshop that would have cost almost 300M; through Vogel I found a
reliable mechanic, who would come to the house. He worked here for a full
three and a half days, it "only" came to MOM, of which I paid 110 immedi-
ately and put off the rest until April. But one mudguard is as tattered as it
was at the beginning and a superannuated tire can give out any day, and
changing oil and this and that. On top of that the dentist's bill of 74M, and
one of the fillings that has not been paid for yet has fallen out again. Week
by week we find ourselves in worse straits, my suit is fraying, our home is
thick with dirt, neither house nor garden is finished, and I count every
penny. We are so proletarianized and constrained, that I often wish not to
wake up again. But I am afraid of death, and I also do not want to capitu-
late. I do not see any way out. To give up the car would be to imprison Eva.
Yet our use of the car bears no relation to the costs incurred. We so much
wanted to drive to Berlin at Easter — we have promised Grete and Marta
dozens of times that we would do it, and they invite us again and again
and do not understand why we decline; [ . . . ] I have a villa and a car, I
have a monthly pension of 492M, and we are poorer, more bound down,
proletarianized than in our most miserable bohemian and destitute days.
We eat as poorly and simply as possible to save money and time — always
this washing up, cooking, cleaning — I spend half the day in the kitchen,
Eva does the dirtiest jobs, it is unspeakably horrid. And saving the pennies
does not help — the jalopy, the house, the dentist, a tax demand at the mo-
ment eat up many times the amount in marks that we have agonizingly
saved in pennies. I smoke the cheapest cigarillo, 4 pfennigs. Occasionally,
to bring down costs even further, I smoke a pipe — I do not like the taste at
all anymore and it saves only pennies. Show heroic willpower, and not
smoke at all anymore? But my nerves and spirit have already gone so
much to the dogs, and if I deteriorate even more, Eva will break down com-
pletely, I've noticed that so often. I really see no way out and let everything
slide. Somehow there may be a turn for the better or we shall perish.

Our life insurance is completely lost; I do not know what Eva will do if
I bite the dust. She has lost a lot of weight in the last few months, wasted
away, aged, sunk into poverty, so to speak. I myself am fat and plump, but
as soon as I walk or crank up the car or make some kind of physical effort
or have the least upset I am forever brought up short by throat and heart
problems. And after Berthold and Wally it has been engraved on my
mind: 59 years.

I am slowly giving up hope of politics; Hitler is after all the Chosen One
of his people. I do not believe that he is in the least bit shaky, I am slowly

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beginning to think that his regime can really still last for decades. There is
so much lethargy in the German people and so much immorality and
above all so much stupidity.

Nevertheless, what Johanna Kruger wrote to us after her visit in Janu-
ary is right: "You still have so much." In our great loneliness we are per-
haps even closer to one another than in former years. For myself the
feeling of How much longer? also no doubt plays a part.

We now only rarely go for a drive, shopping or for a short walk. The
jalopy can only slowly get used to its renovated limbs, 60 miles not over 25
mph, 60 miles not over 30, 60 miles not over 35. It feels as if we are crawl-
ing along, and since we drive so little (and the weather is so bad) we find
it very hard. [ . . . ]

The best part of the day is reading aloud in the evening, if — there are
three ifs: if Eva is not too exhausted and falls asleep while I am reading
(she often lies down immediately after the meal, and the critical point is
then the quarter of an hour in which I see to the stove); if I am not so tired
that I no longer grasp what I am reading; and if my eternally inflamed
eyes do not hurt too much. But in the end these three conditions are very
often completely or halfway fulfilled.

April 15, Thursday

Annemarie Kohler, together with Dr. Dressel (to whom she is a little in
thrall and who exploits her a little), is going to open a private clinic in
Pirna. Both have been assistant doctors in Heidenau for about twelve
years, which inevitably gives rise to frictions with the head physician,
and now everything is exacerbated by politics; the head physician over-
anxiously knuckles under, Dressel practices passive resistance and Anne-
marie active resistance; she has been harassed by the local rag ("Anyone
who says Heil Hitler, gets poor treatment from Doctor Kohler"), there
was a row. Among other things, an intelligent, high-class (as it were)
maid is required for the clinic. Eva suggested our second Wendish girl,
Anna Diirrlich, who at the moment has a position in the "Sozietat," a
Catholic association in Bautzen, and who visited us here last year. Yes-
terday morning Annemarie wrote that she liked the suggestion very
much; so in the morning we did some shopping in town, after that, mak-
ing a sudden decision, we left the car standing outside and after coffee
set off for Bautzen just before four. This was our first longer drive for a
very long time, and I took pride in treating it not as some big excursion,
but as a simple afternoon drive. [ . . . ] At half past five we drove through
a gate into the town square; there Eva ate a little snack we had brought
with us, in the car, then we asked the way to the "Sozietat." A couple of
minutes later we came upon Anna in the middle of her kitchen and
work, and everything was settled very quickly. The drive back in the

APRIL 1937

215

twilight and into the darkness was very fast for some time, but toward
the end somewhat checked and made difficult by the darkness and daz-
zling lights. At the station by eight; nourishing and cheap pork ribs with
horseradish sauce and dumplings; at home Eva lay down immediately,
and I read aloud for almost an hour. In all about 80 miles, the exact dis-
tance from our house to Bautzen Town Hall: 37!4 miles. — If only we had
the money for longer trips! But our predicament grows more desperate
day by day.

[ . . . ] The odometer now shows 23,750, in the autumn it was 23,125. For
these 625 miles we have paid out hundreds in taxis and for repairs and
suffered so much hardship. Madness really, and yet whenever we reflect
on it, the conclusion is to keep it and hold on. It is, in the fullest sense of
the word, tragicomic.

The Gehrigs visited us, they are thinking of building a house out here.
He said he is writing his reminiscences now. Like Georg. Presumably
every second dismissed professor is doing the same thing. I drew two di-
vergent conclusions for myself, (a) what Georg or even Gehrig can do, I
too shall surely accomplish, so why such fear with respect to my Life? (b)
what is left of the originality of my enterprise?

Besides I will probably not get around to it because my Eighteenth Cen-
tury grips me again and again, although there is virtually no hope of pub-
lication anymore.

[...]

Who records the most wretched everyday miseries in his memoirs?
Until my fortieth year or so I always had neatly cut newspaper in the
smallest room. The toilet roll was a luxury enjoyed in hotels. Then I got
used to the little rolls at home. I can no longer do without them anymore.
But the few pennies they cost, add up and are a burden. I used to smoke a
pipe. I became accustomed to cigars, then to cigarillos. I paid six and eight
pfennigs each. The cheapest cigarillos are now the ones at four pfennigs
(and then only in a few shops, usually the minimum price is five pfennigs).
I reproach myself for not going back to the pipe: it inflames my gums and
tongue, it does not satisfy me; I carry on with my four-pfennig luxury with
a bad conscience. And likewise in everything and with everyone. The
ripped suit I wear at home — and people come to me and beg for an old pair
of trousers! But I have a villa and a car. The tragicomic will have a section
to itself in my memoirs.

[...]

April 25, Sunday

On the twentieth the special postmarks and most of the newspaper head-
lines said: "The Fiihrer's Birthday." The Dresdener Anzeiger or the Dres-
dener Nachrichten are supposed to have printed "Fiihrer's Birthday." The
Dresdener NN published an article, or rather a religious meditation by a

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certain Kilian Koll, which in form and content would have perfectly fitted
Jeanne d'Arc. [ . . . ]

An always recurring word: "Experience/' Whenever some Gauleiter or
SS leader, one of the minor and most minor subordinate gods speaks, then
one does not hear his speech, but "experiences" it. Eva rightly says it was
already there before National Socialism. Certainly, it is to be found in the
currents that created it.

In a strange letter Sussmann inquires about my language study. I wrote
that its motto will be: In lingua veritas. [ . . . ] Sussmann has joined the be-
lievers and asks as to my opinion. Sussmann's case is symptomatic three
times over: religious in old age, in misfortune and loneliness and probably
also carried along by the current of the times.

[...]

A psychologically comprehensible, but very silly effect, just like the
one already produced by Georg's gift of money in October: communica-
tion from the Tax Office about the "adjustment of my retirement income"
backdated to April 1, '36. I receive 12M a month more and 173M in ar-
rears. Instead of being pleased at this small relief, I am quite painfully re-
minded of the countless holes that I cannot plug with it (especially the
lapsed life insurance). Nevertheless: It is a small help, at least the terrace
over the garage can be completed and perhaps the disgraceful mudguard
can be patched up, and Eva gets the longed-for roses for the garden, and
the excessive dentist's bill, which I complained about, is a little less of a
burden.

Very little of the day at home. At eleven o'clock in the morning to the
Capitol in Freital: a free film made by the Shell company: Germany is
Beautiful! All their advertising is based on their touring maps. Wonderful
pictures. (Close to the Capitol, on open ground by the Weisseritz, there is
a youth club; I was there on the morning of the day before yesterday for
the jalopy's "army medical." In the evening at eight to the Sophienkirche
(in which the Kohlers were married) for a serenade of music composed
by Dietrich Buxtehude (300th birthday). Wonderful, really quite secular
music (peasant dances, minuets, etc.). All these trips — even the medical —
in pouring rain. Cold, rain, having to keep the heating on all through
April. Yesterday I fetched a sack of coal in the jalopy, since our supply ex-
hausted.

April 29, Thursday

[...]

For a couple of days now I have been coming to grips with Fenelon.
Doubly disappointed: (1) everything has been said about him, I can
only repeat it, and (2) it seems to me he does not quite deserve his reputa-
tion.

MAY 1937

217

May 12, Wednesday

In the American magazine an advertisement for a laxative snaked its way
right through the middle of my article: " A human being has thirty feet of
intestines." [ . . . ]

I am only getting around to noting that today, because in the meantime
I got my teeth into Wilbrandt. Robert Wilbrandt sent me two addresses, a
periodical in Los Angeles and one in Vienna. After thirty years I found the
two articles hard, but they turned out really well and proved to me that I
can still manage journalistically as well. "Perhaps you'll even earn some
money!" And if I have very good luck, then I also have a contact for fur-
ther journalism. At any rate I spent one and a half weeks on it. Tomorrow
I want to plunge back into Fenelon. [ . . . ]

What absorbs us most at the moment is the trip to Berlin. Grete has
begged us again and again, the last time literally with a quotation from the
New Testament. And the 170M which fell from heaven would not have
sufficed for the insurance anyway. So we made up our minds. Gratifying
preparation or outfitting for the trip: I bought a very ordinary pair of
trousers and a light jacket, which will do service over the summer; Wolf,
the better successor to the dubious Michael, has just patched up the dis-
graceful mudguard for me for 15M and put metal bands on the ragged
strip of running board.

Our plan is this: on Monday to drive via Frankfurt to Grete in Straus-
berg, on Tuesday to go with her to Landsberg, then on Wednesday we
want to be with Marta, and go for an excursion with her, on Thursday see
something of Berlin and drive back. Unfortunately I have been hampered
for weeks by some mysterious pulled muscle or inflammation in my right
arm, which seems to get worse rather than better. Perhaps Sussmann will
know what to do. I am as excited as a child about this first journey (jour-
ney, not excursion) by car; not since our South American trip have I so
yearningly counted the days before a departure. Everything about it is ex-
citing, the journey itself, unfamiliar Berlin, my relatives; it can all turn out
equally nice or equally horrible. It will certainly be very exhausting, but
has gradually become unavoidable and we must now see it through.

[...]

Agnes and her husband cycled here from Piskowitz to visit us. The usu-
ally calm Scholze, now very embittered politically, maintained that the
Catholic Wends were "seething." The newspaper has also been full of in-
decency trials against priests; it seems to me to be the barrage preceding a
blow against the Catholic Church. When the zeppelin was destroyed Iielt
sad: Poor people! But everything that weakens this government's prestige
is to the benefit of Germany.

Agnes told us that the Thiemes had visited them in their own car, he is
now chief engineer and a very important person, apart from that he has al-
ready turned gray. Perhaps he has backed the wrong horse after all; his

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forsaking of me is one of the saddest things among the many bitter expe-
riences of this kind. (In your Memoirs do not forget those who made it
easy for themselves and those who were cautious on both sides! and not
the philistine Spamer, who visited us and called the Stiirmer an insignifi-
cant scandal sheet, such as have always existed, and is now a big ethnolo-
gist with the Nazis and so betrays his discipline; who talked to me so
openly about the stupidity of the people, whom anything can be
drummed into.)

May 21, Friday

Drive to Berlin, Strausberg, Landsberg a.d. Warthe, May 17-20, Whit Mon-
day-Thursday.

May 22

Lange came on Monday morning and brought the dashboard clock, which
he had repaired. We drove off a little before ten and took him with us as far
as Klotzsche. Upsetting, time-consuming incident at the Neustadt station:
A boy coming at right angles to me went into my car and fell off his cycle,
he was unharmed, the bicycle twisted. Long interrogation of the boy and
of a witness at the railway station police office, the boy was solely to
blame, had to have bicycle repaired and pay a one mark fine; afterward I
gave him 50 pfennigs as a present. At last we got going just before eleven.
The stretch through Konigsbruck Forest is always lovely, being able to
pick up speed on long flat sections always gives me great pleasure. Eva's
lunch had been scheduled for Cottbus, but the road took us past the edge
of the town. Well Guben then — but the road branched before that. We fi-
nally stopped at a proper village inn at Sembten. Lunchtime over, all the
rooms empty, radio music, occasionally a soldier or a village lad. There are
still dumplings, at most a little meat with it. There appeared a plate of
soup, a giant plate of roast veal, a bowl with five dumplings, stewed fruit
and jelly and it all cost one mark, and my kummel cost thirty pfennigs.
Then on to Frankfurt. Urban and elegant, mighty church, but the best the
bridge across the Oder. Truly a broad river [...], splendid with its green
and sandy white islands. We had a break for coffee on the terrace of a
handsome hotel in the town center, walked through the streets a little,
were in the Marienkirche church for a couple of minutes. Departed at
five — the time at which Grete was expecting us. [ . . . ] Miincheberg, fi-
nally Strausberg. A strung-out place, then road through woodland, then
suburb "Strausberg II." Grete lives at 4 Moltkestrasse, in the little house of
a small farm, by the "Threshing Mill," a tram stop between Strausberg and
Strausberg II. There at half past seven.

MAY 1937

219

Grete considerably aged (69), walking slowly with a cane but actually
very vigorous and lively nevertheless. Probably really suffering from a
heart condition and needing a lot of digitalis. But since she has been hys-
terical and affected all her life, she gets little credence from Sussmann-
Jelski. [ . . . ] Grete, with whom we did not get on very well a couple of
years ago in Dresden, could not have been more welcoming. Her landlord
and landlady, old smallholders, positively cherish her, admittedly they
also appear to live off her to a great extent. Grete plays at or lives (who can
separate the two?) being one with nature and the last pleasures of an old
woman who is half a cripple and entirely a hermit. Frau Kemlein, the
motherly landlady, says last year she really was close to death, the doctor
had almost given up hope.

A vegetable garden and an orchard, a henhouse, all of it only separated
by wire netting from the pine forest, which Grete and the hens are free to
roam. All of it several degrees more natural and less parklike than in the
allotment settlements closer to Berlin. Then there is the landlady's mother,
something of a forest witch, 88 years old, deaf, garrulous, idiotic, inquisi-
tive, stealing and hiding food, roughly treated by her children. "Me old
mother," physically robust, was in Buch alcoholics asylum, was taken out
a little while ago because of the cost. On the last election day SA men
turned up, to get her to the ballot box. She thought they were going to
forcibly take her back to Buch, screamed and struggled, was seized by the
arms and dragged into the car. At the polling booth she was shown where
to draw her cross, given a glass of wine and then taken home in a state of
bliss. Thus she was one of the 99 percent of Germans who voted for the
Fiihrer . . . We were put up in Grete's living room, it was very simple and
makeshift, but all done with the greatest affection. We breakfasted in a
summerhouse, the jalopy spent the night in the street in front of the house.

The next morning, at about ten, to Landsberg, good smooth drive — we
had great luck with the weather throughout the trip. The only really an-
noying thing for me was that later Grete asked, in all seriousness, whether
I was also able to drive when I was alone and Eva did not constantly direct
me, "Watch out, bend!" or "More to the right!" etc. "I thought you might
have arranged it like that so that you drive according to her instructions
and not by yourself like a chauffeur!" ... In Kiistrin we stopped at the
Warthe bridge, [ . . . ] we stood by the water and listened to the frogs
croaking. After that long straight roads, frequently with a view of the
river. For long sections I went at 40, 45 mph, even then it still took almost
three hours to reach Landsberg. I have not been there for 35 years, it was a
completely unfamiliar, ordinary middling town. Only a few names of sub-
urbs, the big red market church, the grammar school and the river behind
it, as well as the low ground around the Hopfenbruch tavern (where we
played skittles) brought back memories; everything else left me cold and
indifferent. There is a large modem official building opposite the gram-
mar school, town hall I think; instead of the suspension bridge, which we
crossed to reach the playing field on the other side of the Warthe, there is

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a solid new bridge; the Rathauskeller, in which we ate at lunchtime, is
new, as is the big cafe beside the grammar school. Grete knew this coffee-
house as the Confectioner Kadoch of her childhood, she showed me a
house in Bergstrasse, where I was born, a comer nearby, where the nurse-
maid sat on a bench with me; she wallowed unceasingly in memories. We
were already thinking of driving back when [ . . . ] an old lady asked us
where our car came from. Grete got into a conversation; Bohm, her father,
had been a well-known town architect, her twin sister a friend of Grete's —
the lady got into our car, we had to drive down several streets, in which I
found nothing of interest, unlike Grete. To me it was embarrassing that
Grete held back her name, which the old girl must ascertain very quickly
from what we said. And what if we are non- Aryans! We, who put Lands-
berg in the Brockhaus Encyclopedia, are not the ones who need to be
ashamed! The old girl, piano teacher for 50 years, told us she had "re-
ceived 200 marks from Goebbels." We left Landsberg at half past four.
[ . . . ] Back at our quarters at half past seven. On Wednesday we break-
fasted in the summerhouse once again [ . . . ] A short drive through the
town, parked the car [ ... ], walked a little by the shore of the lake, while
Grete sat on a bench. A large expanse of water, completely surrounded by
woods. One part of the town on a hill protruding into the lake looks Ital-
ian (from a distance of course). A ferry, villas along the wooded lakeside
road, jetties, trees at the water's edge, fishermen, a croaking frog, silence.
Back for an early lunch, Eva got a beautiful piece of jewelry as a present,
we had to swear to come again. Departure two o'clock. In my cold heart I
was actually pleased to have put this behind me. The feeling of being a
stranger did not leave me for a single moment.

Now the 22 miles to Berlin, first still the countryside of the Mark Bran-
denburg, another large lake, then gradually the suburbs and suburban
traffic; we drove slowly down Frankfurter Allee, and then the great bustle
began at Alexanderplatz. I got past the Palace and into Unter den Linden
without difficulty. It made an enormous impression, not the street — I only
saw the "little limes," nothing else — but the huge amount of traffic, such
as I had previously only seen in Paris and Buenos Aires. The vehicles in
each direction four abreast, one has to calculate distances down to the last
centimeter. I got through safely, but sweat was pouring down me. Con-
stantly forward at speed a little bit, then stop. I could not see the traffic
lights at first, which are small and hidden away to the side. Once I stopped
at the last moment. A policeman in a white jacket (like Russian students,
says Eva) came up to give me a warning, very polite and paternally ad-
monishing, when he saw the out-of-town number plate. Throughout both
days I was repeatedly very much taken with the friendly and humorous
manner of the policemen; the same was true of the "people" of Berlin,
with whom I came in contact again after so many years. We drove through
the Brandenburg Gate, along Charlottenburger Chaussee and into the un-
familiar western expanses, we were at the radio tower, we drove over
Halensee Bridge twice, before we eventually found Kudowastrasse.

MAY 1937

221

Everywhere streets of fine villas, everywhere streets with big apartment
blocks and yet streets with greenery along and around them. Certainly it
is not so different from what existed before, certainly it is not so different
from what we have in Dresden — but this huge expanse! Truly, a metropo-
lis. I don't know: Has Berlin really grown so much, or have I become such
a bumpkin? At any rate I was literally fascinated, and the enormous im-
pression made by the city grew ever greater. Between coffee and evening
meal I went for a short walk with Jelski, saw a vast open sports field, on
which a couple of girls were practicing the discus, a couple running, boys
playing ball, saw the huge lawn that serves the block of houses at Ku-
dowastrasse as a communal garden.

Sussmann had been there for coffee; after the meal Heinz Machol — now
grown unnaturally fat and thickset — appeared with his second wife. Nat-
urally and unavoidably a lot of politics was talked, and since Jelski still
stands up for the Nazis to some degree and fears Communism, without
seeing how identical they are, we became very heated. But I discovered
with pleasure that the temper of Jewry, which had once been so pes-
simistic, is now hopeful. Things are said to be very bad for the govern-
ment both economically and as far as the mood in the country is
concerned: Heinz Machol, an automobile engineer, virtually maintained
that the end must come before the year is out. The night before, Marta had
copied out a handwritten letter circulating in Berlin, which Thomas Mann
had sent from Kiisnacht to a Swiss newspaper at New Year: a response to
the withdrawal of his doctoral diploma and of his citizenship, addressed
to the dean of Bonn University. I read the letter next morning: terribly
brusque and contemptuous. But what excited me more than the content
was the fact that the letter circulates "everywhere" in this way. It is sup-
posed to be exactly the same with the banned papal pastoral letter, "every-
one" has already read it. (In Strausberg Grete found a chain letter to
everyone in the mailbox, the scandalous trials of churchmen are based on
lies.) There was a "People's Asparagus Day" in Berlin recently, so that the
populace could buy the delicacy cheaply; the well-known reason is the
shortage of tin cans. Many factories are said to be in ferment and the work-
ers very open in their speech. On Friday, when I told Vogel, the grocer
here, the mood in Berlin was bad, he had already heard about it long ago,
and he added that in Munich things were boiling up even more. That
lifted and encouraged me immensely . . . Machol tested my squealing en-
gine and said it could only be the slip ring of the clutch. He lectured me
fairly arrogantly, I did not understand anything about driving yet, I was
far too nervous and opened the throttle far too much when I started. Nev-
ertheless, with this trip I have acquired a license for long-distance jour-
neys The jalopy once again spent the night safely in the street, and we

spent it in Marta's living room. In the morning I heard a cuckoo clock, but
it kept on striking, it was a real cuckoo. As we were sitting at breakfast,
there was an almighty crash outside (no, it was on Wednesday evening
during dinner): a gentleman from the house next door had bumped into

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my car, but only dented his mudguard without damaging me. . . . On
Thursday morning we went for a drive with the Jelskis. It was very ex-
hausting, because whenever Marta said "Left," Jelski said "Right." The
road to Potsdam as far as Wannsee. Extremely impressive; broad straight
highway between marvelous rows of trees, villas or big similar-looking
apartment blocks, behind them the forest, pines and oaks, all of it simulta-
neously nature and symmetrical order, all of it elegant and wealthy and in
endless succession. From Kudowastrasse, which itself is already in the
Grunewald Forest district, we had driven 10 miles without the build-
ings— now a group of villas, now a housing development, a bit of main
street, but always surrounded by greenery — being interrupted for even a
yard. Again the impression of the endless and endlessly well-kept city. At
Wannsee railway station we turned slowly, had a view of a comer of the
lake (yacht harbor) and drove back the same way. [ . . . ] Back at the Jelskis
at twelve, swift leave-taking and now to dejeuner at Sussmann's, i.e., via
Kurfurstendamm and Wittenbergplatz to Bayreutherstrasse. Just as
crowded as on the Linden on Wednesday, but I was already more prac-
ticed. When we stopped at Sussmann's, we saw a broken bottle behind
our car and immediately had dark forebodings.

Sussmann received us with great friendliness, entertained us, exam-
ined my right arm, which has been strained for weeks, in fact months
(without being able to help), showed off his stamp album, gave me a large
number and a pair of tweezers as a present. Fie believes he is creating a
valuable asset with his collection, buys and arranges systematically, it
probably helps him get through empty evenings. Afterward I said with re-
lief to Eva that one must be widowed to be a proper stamp collector. De-
parted at half past one. Just at the comer of Kurfiirstenstrasse a policeman
called out: "There's no air in your wheel!" (It then turned out that the tire
had not got a puncture at all, but rather that a stud inside had rubbed
through the tube.) My jack was too high for the level of the car, the police-
man pointed out a repair shop in the next street. There was a young man
there who seemed somehow disabled, because his wife joined him and so-
licitously took his arm during the wheel changing. In a quarter of an hour
the spare wheel had been fitted; I asked him how much it cost, he looked
at his wife, she said: "50 pfennigs." He got a cigar as well, and both went
off thanking us. I moved off slowly [...]. Now Biilowstrasse, Yorck-
strasse [...], then into Belle Alliance Strasse, past the airport (there was a
huge machine on the grass), past a complex of half-finished buildings and
out of Berlin on a smooth road. Problem: Is all of it real or only apparent
prosperity? ... In Wusterhausen a forest of radio masts. Eva counted 15 at
one spot, immediately afterward a similar circle with probably the same
number of masts. The way the perforated steel constructions rose up into
the haze and seemed to disappear in it was very extraordinary. [ . . . ] In
the nineties, when Eva lived in nearby Niederlehme, Konigs Wuster-
hausen was the town for her. Our jalopy was parked by the road to the side
of the castle: There was a shoe shop here, and in the window Eva discov-

MAY 1937

223

ered a pair of linen shoes that fit her and which she bought immediately. I
must also add that shortly before this stop we had come across yet another
huge transmitter facility, close to a military training area. We also passed
mobile antiaircraft guns that looked like very large brigands' rifles in old
Italian pictures: long narrow barrels, widening into funnels at the muzzle.
Everything around Wusterhausen made a military impression, aviation
and radio very much in the service of war. Then it was a matter of driving
as fast as possible, I tried to keep to a regular speed of 40, 45 mph. All the
time straight, fine smooth, almost empty roads through forest. If the road
was shut off on both sides, the effect was almost dangerously soporific,
when a view over meadows or plantations appeared, I became more wide
awake. [ . . . ] No stop until Liibben just before six. Gasoline and water for
the jalopy. Grape juice, soda water, cheese and bread for us on a hotel ter-
race. We set off again at half past six, in order to cover as much ground as
possible before darkness. Now I saw hardly anything else except the side
of the road, but again driving in itself was a pleasure, but of course also tir-
ing. Through Cottbus and Spremberg, then lights became necessary. Now
the romance and the strain of bends and forest driving with headlights. In
Konigsbruck and after, the continual problem of approaching lights and of
constantly having to dip my lights. Naturally I had to reduce speed, but I
made good and safe progress. (The only thing that is dangerous is always
the second after passing a car with powerful lights; at the next moment it
is impossible to see whether one has a pedestrian or a cyclist in front of
one on the right.) From time to time the jalopy squealed shrilly and mys-
teriously, but otherwise it ran well. After ten in Dresden; the jalopy
squealed terribly again in Pragerstrasse, of all places. [ . . . ] Home at half
past ten; Frau Lehmann had slept here the past few days and taken care of
house and tomcat very well.

All in all therefore a completely successful trip and full of interest as re-
gards countryside, driving, relations, likewise politics. Principal impres-
sion remains: Berlin and the handwritten Thomas Mann.

May 23, Sunday

Vacation week until tomorow; then back to the opus.

I have been typing the diary since Friday, seeing to the jalopy. Wolf was
here, I took the tire to him in Freital, we brought back the patched tire to-
gether, oil experiments were carried out everywhere to track down the
squealing. I read aloud, I made an effort to return to normal life. [ . . . ]

A great wealth of blooms in our garden. Rhododendron, azaleas, tulips,
iris, cornflowers, first roses, thrift, the herbs of the rock garden, in particu-
lar pale blue soapwort, a viburnum, a hawthorn, masses of buttercups,
red, yellow, blue, white, confusion of tulips, extraordinary variety. A re-
curring problem, however, is the final cementing of the terrace above the
garage. After we had frost damage at the beginning of the winter, we (i.e..

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Lange, Eva and myself) are very anxious, and since there is a constant
threat of thunderstorms, the work is postponed again and again.

[...]

June 2, Wednesday

I began to familiarize myself with Fenelon at the end of April. Then there
was the Wilbrandt episode until May 12, then, with effects felt long after,
the Berlin trip. Only today, with a great deal of effort, have I written the
first lines of the Fenelon section. I find it immensely difficult, first of all be-
cause he has been so thoroughly "done," secondly because I want to slip
in Saint-Simon at the same time. And with all this struggle always the feel-
ing that I am probably working for the desk drawer and the worms.

The encouragement of Berlin has not held up. That the bombardment
of Almerfa is once again calmly tolerated, is proof to me of the power of
the government. In today's newspapers the struggle against the Catholic
Church takes precedence again. What a gift, by the way, for a future
satirist, when the Nazis and the monastery people accuse each other of
homosexuality and buggery.

Eva made the most pertinent remark on the Almerfa business. She
pointed to the deep indifference, indeed evident apathy with which the
whole thing was received. Neither in front of the newspaper display boxes
nor in any way in the traffic on the street or in people's behavior or in frag-
ments of conversation was the least degree of any kind of concern to be
detected. No patriotic excitement, no fear of war, no sympathy with the
sailors of the Deutschland— nothing at all. The never ending alarms, the
never ending phrases, the never ending hanging out of flags, now in tri-
umph, now in mourning — it all produces apathy. And everyone feels
helpless, and everyone knows he is being lied to, and everyone is told
what he has to believe. Whether one gets a quarter pound of butter to-
morrow or not, is much more important than all the problems with Spain
and the Vatican. And probably no one expects war anymore; people have
gotten used to the foreign powers putting up with everything.

June 11, Friday evening

For days really enervating heat, over 30 degrees in the shade. On top of
that today again, as last autumn, harassment by the local council because
of the unkempt garden, the risk of weeds, etc. Three-mark fine, threat of
legal action. I am quite helpless in the face of this deliberate malice. When
the letter came, the grass had already been partly cut and the "Uncle" was
continuing the work. In addition the lack of movement in the political
atmosphere. Almerfa smoothed out, the glorious indecency trials against
the monasteries continued day after day, day after day articles and

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225

speeches about happy, united Germany freed from unemployment, peace
day after day — Helmut Lehmann doing his Labor Service in East Prussia
has already been withdrawn from the shared work, along with other es-
pecially strapping lads, for special parade-ground drill for the Party Rally
in September. [ . . . ] These people are simply confident that they will still
be in power and at peace in September. So far their certainty has never
been proved wrong, no matter how they have provoked Germany and the
world.

Besides, under the pressure of the council harassment, my mood has of
course relapsed. The last few days were better. I made infinitely slow
progress, but made progress nevertheless in the difficult F£nelon-Saint-
Simon chapter, and the manuscript will probably be finished on Sunday.
And yesterday I was very pleased at Grete's invitation to a car trip to be
worked out by us. [ . . . ] Of course it was Eva who immediately suggested
Cuxhaven and drew up the plan. [ . . . ]

June 14, Monday morning

At last a little cooler and at last (after two and a half months, counting all
the interruptions and preparatory reading) the manuscript of Fenelon-
Saint-Simon is complete. Only yesterday! If possible I want to type the
piece before starting on the new journey, that is before Monday.

June 20, Sunday

The journey to the North Sea is to begin tomorrow, and just half of Fenelon
has been typed. The whole of yesterday was swallowed up by shopping
and having the car lubricated; today I am hampered by a bad migraine,
have only copied one page (copying means: reading my tiny writing and
turning each sentence inside out again and writing out the quotations!)
and then proceeded to accumulated correspondence, above all a hand-
written birthday letter for Blumenfeld. The migraine is probably the result
of visiting Frau Schaps yesterday evening; her widowed sister-in-law was
there, a Frau Lemberg from Berlin, whose husband had been a barrister
(she gave me the Rousseau from her husband's library as a present). She
related how her husband had retired from his profession at the age of fifty
and lived entirely for his interests, languages, literatures, music, his own
singing, Bayreuth, travel.

I noted for myself, type: Herr Karl Kaufmann, shoe manufacturer of
Dresden, now Tel Aviv. Something similar had gone through my head in
the morning. A letter arrived from some sixth-form girl in Miilheim/Ruhr /
who is enraptured by literature. My Romanische Sonderart [Romance Pecu-
liarities] had stimulated her to ask questions . . . there followed esthetic
and bibliographic questions, only a very small number of which I an-

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swered immediately. Once the writer would have interested me, now she
is nothing more than a first-semester type (before it begins). Such instant
categorization and classification is a sign of age. Another, no doubt gen-
eral sign of age: When I came to Dresden at 38, and for a long time after
that, I inwardly distanced myself from colleagues, from a great many
other people likewise; I felt: They are old, it is impossible for them to feel
as you do. Now the same feeling of distance a hundred times over: They
are young, they do not feel as you do. I think every person quite instinc-
tively and naively divides the whole of humankind into old and young
and up to some moment reckons himself to be in one half and then in the
other. I do not know when I changed over. Nor do I know when I first had
the feeling of age in eroticis (which is no way to be confused with a less-
ening of desire, nor with impotence).

It was a pleasant evening at Frau Schaps; there was a garden party in
the villa garden next door with a big fireworks display, we were the en-
chanted lookers-on from the hallway. On Frau Schaps' radio we listened
to a live broadcast of Gotterddmmerung from the Vienna Opera, I found the
recitatives curiously stiff and 300 years away; on an electric phonograph
we heard splendid songs by Richard Tauber and from La Traviata. [ . . . ]

The constant rumors throughout the populace about Mayor Zomer.
People always only say as an afterthought that he is implicated in an em-
bezzlement or bribery case, which is linked to last year's garden show
(Linke). All the little people (Lange, butter dealer, Wolf, the car man, Frau
Lehmann, Vogel) always first of all come out with the expression, He is
"infected." Everyone always says his wife left him long ago. Which is be-
cause his wedding here was staged as a kind of government ceremony
and as propaganda for National Socialist population policy and morality.
In a single day three people came independently to us: "Zorner has shot
himself." (Wolf: "An official told me.") Later: He has been suspended and
is in Berlin with Hitler, his personal friend. There is not a word in the
newspaper. They must know that the rumors are going around every-
where, and yet nothing is repudiated Also important to me is that I

several times heard from ordinary people: There should be an "educated"
man in a post like that, why did they give it to a shopkeeper, a Party man?
Thus I listen out for anything stirring, but ultimately it is probably always
the singing in my own ear in the midst of great silence.

Zaunick, grammar school teacher and honorary professor of something
to do with physics at the TU, man around fifty, once indebted to me, re-
cently came up to the car as we were parked at Bismarckplatz. Party
badge. Could easily walk past without acknowledging us, could at the
most greet us. But comes up with evident heartfelt pleasure. How am I,
whether I have stayed in Dresden, how sorry he is . . . What I had pub-
lished recently? "Wait and work!" — "For posterity?" — "One has to wait
and see." Hearty handshake and sorrowful withdrawal. A Party member!

I have received proofs of my Wilbrandt article for Vienna. It was at once
a pleasant and very melancholy feeling to see myself in print once again.

JUNE 1937

227

The cads had not even acknowledged receipt of my article, and not replied
at all to my inquiry whether occasional further contributions were wel-
come. I first had to turn to Robert Wilbrandt, who complained. That is
how small I have become; and yet I was pleased. [ . . . ]

Betty writes from Cleveland (Ohio) that she is coming to Europe in the
summer — invitation from her sister Grete Rebenwurzel-Goldschmidt,
who has been living in Paris for years. We invited her to stay with
us. . . . Considerable jealousy between Marta and Grete because of our
Whitsun trip. How much worse will it be after we have been to the North
Sea! I am really concerned, would not want to offend Marta, but what is to
be done? [ . . . ]

June 28, Monday

On Monday morning, June 21, we were making final preparations for the
Strausberg-North Sea trip. Then at eight o'clock the council gardener
turned up: inspection to see whether the garden has been weeded. I show
him that everything has been cut; he reaches for something on the ground:
"There are still weeds here — and here and here. I have to report that, they
will send workers here compulsorily" — Forest law, etc. I: "What is it that
you require?" — "You have to pay a couple of hundred marks for the gar-
den to be worked on by professional gardeners." — I: "Where shall I get
the money from? I have been thrown out of my post." — He, a good-
natured, simple man, who now realizes what is going on: "Oh, then you
are a non- Aryan?" Now the context and the inescapability of the situation
were clear to him. He is sorry, but if he reports anything other than that
weeds are still growing here, then a senior inspector will come and he
loses his job. — Under these circumstances I could not risk leaving.
Telegram to Grete. Went to see Weller. He was here at midday, and in the
evening I signed a contract with him: The whole garden will be worked on
and a lawn sown, price: 400 to 500M at most. Monthly installments 50M.
That means many months of the greatest privation for us, means that it is
impossible to pay anything at all to the Iduna, with that the final surren-
der of the life insurance, a loss of thousands, and the loss of cover for the
mortgage (the Wengler mortgage runs for another four years). And it does
not at all mean that I am now safe from further harassment. They can al-
ways find something if they want to. And they want to. The next thing is
likely to be the roof. A building law against "unrestrained liberalism" has
just been published, houses must all without exception fit in with street
and landscape; so they will demand slate instead of my tar board. Etc., etc.
It is curious how apathetically I endure it all: Perhaps we shall soon per-
ish, perhaps the other will perish, perhaps a way out will be found some-
how, as it already has been a couple of times in the past. It cannot be
helped, one cannot live normally in an abnormal time. I am no longer
going to worry about what happens after tomorrow, it is all so pointless.

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— So we have remained at home, so two men have been working in the
garden since Thursday, so I have covered the first two garden installments
with the money set aside for the Iduna.

Meanwhile Eva's teeth are acting up again, luckily only the technical
ones that do not hurt; but that too is a financial burden. After a quite
shameless bill from Dr. Kunstmann we have changed to Eichler, the young
and congenial successor to Dr. Isakowitz and so drive to Konigsbriicker
Strasse again, where everything (except the dentist), everything, nurse in-
cluded, is unchanged.

Is it idiocy, philosophy, age, or is it the feeling of living in an age which
is absolutely without rules? I now only have fits of depression, otherwise
let things take their course and have for hours at a time a quite cheerful
feeling of being alive. So now our garden will be luxuriant. Who is going to
fear what will happen in four years' time? — And likewise with my Dix-
huitieme. I forcibly repress the thought that there is no prospect of publica-
tion and am happy that my work is making progress. If the worst comes to
the worst I shall bequeath the completed manuscript to a Swiss library.

And so in this not-North Sea week, the Fenelon-Saint-Simon section
was finally completed, after almost two months, right down to the last dot
on the "i," and now I have embarked on the study of Vauvenargues. (Thus
far his reputation seems exaggerated. [...].)

My Life. Recently I suddenly saw before me and heard: I have got out of
reading aloud (Graetz, History of the Jews or something like it), I am tired.
It is about half past eight. My bed, that is the sofa in Father's room, beside
me the tall bookcases. Now Wally is sitting at the desk and goes on read-
ing. It was probably still in Albrechtstrasse, opposite the Grenadiers' bar-
racks, Wally was 17, I was 12, Father (to me the ageless old man) much
younger than I am today. Father dead, Wally dead, and so many pictures
crowd in on me. I would so much like to write it down. But first the Dix-
huitieme, then the Language of the Third Reich and then, as Father said,
on Sirius. How I played marbles downstairs with street Arabs, while up-
stairs they were weeping over Hed wig's death, how I ran as far as Pots-
damer Platz with my hoop and was proud of it and then left it lying,
because it had rolled through sh . . . and disgusted me, how the soldiers
drilled, how Georg came to dinner from the Charite and had free tickets
for the adults, from a patient, for the Deutsches Theater, where Naturalism
was in its heyday, how Grete went into raptures about Hannele, how in
floods of tears I explained that I could never learn the French school prayer:
Notre commencement soit au nom du Pere qui a fait le ciel et la terre ... If
I only think for ten minutes, X things occur to me.

The biscuit tin, out of which only Georg was given Father's apple cake
(which Grete also recently mentioned with resentment) . . .

Language of the Third Reich: Rust, the Education Minister at a Heidelberg
University ceremony: Now scholarship had a National Socialist orienta-
tion, and students were political soldiers. — Today a Hitler speech in

JULY 1937

229

Wurzburg once again pure religious madness. Only that he did not say I,
but we. "Providence guides us, we act according to the will of the
Almighty. No one can make national or world history without the blessing
of this Providence."

Letter from Hatzfeld in Heidelberg. He feels, he says, almost word for
word what is going through my head; he has never worked more inten-
sively and with greater interest than now; and yet he cannot conceal how
much he longs to be out of Germany.

[...]

July 13, Tuesday

On the 29th of June the weather was too bad for an excursion. But at least
we could go to the cinema in the evening. On July 12, on the other hand, a
storm was raging (for the second, in fact the third day) with unceasing
cloudbursts, such as we have never ever experienced in Dresden, and we
sat confined at home; except in the evening Eva set about draining the
flooded garage and I carried out water by the bucketful (almost as I had
emptied the battery emplacement in Aubers). So a birthday entirely with-
out celebration. I read aloud a lot — during the day, which I only do very
rarely now — and in between completed the manuscript of the Vauven-
argues section.

[■•■]

The garden work, delayed by the continuing bad weather after exces-
sive heat, is coming to an end. Recently a conversation with Weller
brought both of us almost to the brink of despair. The man, discriminated
against by the Nazis, a bitter enemy of Kalix, of Zomer and many others,
not unintelligent, not a Jew hater, expresses ideas that in form and con-
tent are pure National Socialism. About the necessity of the community
of the people, of distinct races, of the identity of law and power, of the un-
questionable superiority of the new German army over all attackers
(since we do not want to attack, of course, and only want peace), of the
need to fight off Communism (without realizing that here we have a
more hypocritical form of Communism), etc. I said to Eva, the man is
quite unaware how much of a National Socialist he is, and Eva compared
the Weller case to that of Martha Wiechmann. And I said to myself once
again, that Hitlerism is after all more deeply and firmly rooted in the na-
tion and corresponds more to the German nature than I would like to
admit.

On Eva's birthday there also came a joint card from Frau Schaps, Liesel
and Elfriede Sebba, sent from the Dolomites. (They met in Venice, while
Jule Sebba is setting up a branch of his chandlery in Tel Aviv.) Jule and
Liesel Sebba married on September 21, 1921, as I was giving the speech for
the Dante commemoration. The child was bom exactly one year later

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[ . . . ] Little Elfriede Sebba was completely German and a European soul
and with ideas about humanity self-evident in the twentieth century.
When she was twelve years old, her parents had to go to Palestine. What
view of life will the young girl have today? Can it bear even the remotest
similarity to my view of life? The psychologists of the next generation will
find a great deal to interest them there: for me, however, it is not a subject
for scholarship, but a matter of failure and despair.

July 19, Monday

[•■•]

When politicians idealize rural labor, they are always being hypocriti-
cal. Rousseau has never triumphed to such a degree nor been taken ad ab-
surdum to such a degree as today. The posthumous unmasking of
Rousseau is called Hitler.

We have rediscovered the cinema at Freiberger Platz: It has the most
naive (truly proletarian and enthusiastic) audience, it is cheaper than the
other cinemas (80Pf for a seat in the stalls against 1.50M or 1.30 elsewhere),
it has a good program, good projection, and the most spacious parking lot,
a real harbor. We saw a revival of Maskerade there, Paula Wessely's earliest
and most famous film. [ . . . ] In the supporting program the opening of the
Dresden-Meerane autobahn and a part of Hitler's speech. Without the
least exaggeration: The man shouts in a strained voice like a drunken and
paranoid laborer. The choice of words and the content corresponds to the
tone: This is the greatest feat that has ever been accomplished. A couple of
foreigners come to our country and in time more, and in the end they have
to accept us after all and no longer believe the Jewish lies of the foreign
press (sic!). The mixture of absence of dignity, megalomania, impotent fear
is frightful. The only thing more frightful is that Germany allows itself to
be governed by that.

[...]

On the fifteenth in Hirschsprung over lunchtime — the glorious stretch
Kipsdorf to Altenberg — to visit Riese-Dember. The mother, 83, up there
again after yet another, the umpteenth, light stroke, as lively as last year,
Frau Dember with her again. Unchanged. — Abroad no one believes war
is coming. England doesn't want it. And Hitler carries on. — In Istanbul
Auerbach is generally judged a flop, but is now firmly established; Spitzer
had come over from the USA to see his assistant, whom he had be-
queathed to Auerbach.

[...]

I leafed through Nathan. It was not the (questionable) philo-Semitism
that touched me — questionable because Nathan is emphatically an excep-
tion— but the sentence: "What does nation mean after all?" — I myself
have had too much nationalism inside me and am now punished for it.

AUGUST 1937

231

July 26, Monday

On Saturday, without advance notification from Georg or the bank (as the
first time) a mysterious note from the Diskontobank: A sum of money is
ready for you on proof of identity, etc. I thought it was a Wilbrandt fee
from Los Angeles or Vienna— I have received a copy of Theater der Welt
[Theater of the World] from there with my article. Again it was 500M from
Georg's blocked account and so again a couple of big and beneficent drops
of water on a very hot stone. Again we do not really get out of our diffi-
culties, the Iduna question remains unsolved, and again we are to some
extent released from great worries and again more mobile. I wrote to
Georg, he puts me greatly to shame, but along with other concepts, the
sense of shame has probably also undergone a change, and the best thanks
is probably if I tell him how much he has helped me out of my difficulties,
and that the first thing I did was to put 6 gallons of gasoline in my tank
and to drive to the Schemers. — So now the garden business has immedi-
ately become less of a tragedy, and I also immediately ordered fifty hun-
dredweight of coke as winter store. [ . . . ]

August 6, Friday

My Dix-huiti£me is stuck for three reasons. (1) The Vauvenargues by Lan-
son and the Monglond I ordered from Berlin arrived. Lanson forces me to
make a partial revision (not far-reaching, but it means a delay), Mong-
lond needs to be read for my later chapters and must be returned by the
end of August; on the other hand I am in the middle of the Prevost sec-
tion, and so I am always vacillating between reading and continuing to
write and wanting to improve and do not really make progress with any
of it. (2) The appalling stagnation of the political situation, the maneu-
vering of England, etc. robs me of all spirit; once again I believe that the
Third Reich can last for decades yet, that it really corresponds to the na-
tional will and national character of Germany, and in this state of depres-
sion what I do seems so completely pointless and it seems a matter of
complete indifference to me whether a couple of dozen manuscript pages
more or less are lying around when I die. (3) The money from Georg
which is unable to stuff any of the larger holes and runs through my
hands (I have nevertheless saved the small Iduna policy for six months
with 150, but perhaps it would have been more sensible to spend this
150M also on amusements— and I ordered 90M worth of coal, and there
is a little reserve for the dental bill, which is increasing dreadfully again),
the money therefore makes larger gasoline expenditure possible for a
couple of weeks, and so again and again we simply trundle away from
the heat and the kitchen duty and the misery of the gloomiest thoughts,
for just as long as the reserve lasts.

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On Saturday, July 24, we were in Hirschsprung once more. This time
Frau Riese had greatly deteriorated and was for the first time an old
woman with a failing memory. [ . . . ]

The very next morning, Sunday, July 25, making a sudden decision,
we set out for Falkenstein to see the Schemers. Partly because I drive bet-
ter now than last year, partly because we made full use of the Dresden-
Meerane motorway, we covered the distance more rapidly than the last
time. Halfway between leaving the autobahn and Falkenstein, in Ebers-
brunn, a little tourist cafe, Eva ate lunch and I telephoned the Schemers.
He was on duty, and the bookkeeper, who brought us greetings from him
a couple of weeks ago, was with him; we later took her back with us on the
return journey, she was no trouble. We got a good coffee in Schemer s
pharmacy, we took the Schemers (and their dachshund) for a drive of a
couple of kilometers to a little dam in the forest, we drove back at seven
and reached the autobahn at Glauchau as darkness fell. Now a very fast,
but nevertheless exhausting night drive— the approaching headlamps
make it more difficult to see, but are also fantastically beautiful. (In addi-
tion a very large moon hung over forest and road.) At the central railway
station after ten, where we set down the girl, who comes from the Meissen
district, and ate a snack as well. Day's performance 209 miles.

Schemer has become excessively fat, a little sickly, probably also men-
tally aged. Nothing remains of the aspiring scholar, nor of the hatred of the
small town of earlier years. He is the slave of his pharmacy, he sells like a
greengrocer, he has problems with his eyes and with walking, he turns
over 60,000M per annum, but works only for his creditors, cannot pur-
chase a car because they would take it amiss, he raises chickens and pi-
geons in the garden behind the pharmacy, occasionally also sells eggs; like
him his wife is very fat, is in the pharmacy during the day and like him
content with that. They are not Nazis, are very fond of us, but the Fuhrer's
picture hangs in the pharmacy, and they seem quite indifferent to politics.
They vegetate bourgeoislike and are all in all contented old fat good peo-
ple. [ . . . ]

August 8, Sunday

In between only a very short tour (12 miles), Coschiitz-Bannewitz, in
order to escape the terrible stifling heat and get a little air. But tomorrow
we want to fetch Frau Lehmann from Thuringia, and today a letter came
from Grete, full of enthusiasm for travel, to which I replied immediately.
Grand combinations are being planned — God knows how our finances
will cope with it, especially as the dental bill mounts and mounts and I
have now after all flung 150M into the jaws of Iduna.

The philologist registers a momentary lifting of mood in his style:
Today I brought the manuscript of the Prevost to a very nice conclusion—
it really is too good for the worms and yet probably written only for them.

AUGUST 1937

233

Plan for the coming week: tomorrow Haardorf, near Naumburg. Then
revise Vauvenargues, then plow through the Berlin books, before I type
Prevost. [ . . . ] The beginning of the trip to Strausberg and the seaside has
provisionally been set for Wednesday, August 18.

There are cinema evenings to be caught up with, very enjoyable ones—
if only there were not each time the bitterness of the Third Reich's self-
adulation and triumphalism. The renewal of German art — recent German
history as reflected in postage stamps, youth camp, enthusiastic welcome
for the Fiihrer in X or Y. Goebbels' speech on culture to the Germanized
theater people, the biggest lecture theater in the world, the biggest auto-
bahn in the world, etc., etc. — the biggest lie in the world, the biggest dis-
grace in the world. It can't be helped. ... So in the Fii-Li Ramona , the best
color film so far. [ . . . ] In the Freiberger Platz cinema Gordian the Tyrant.

August 17, Tuesday

[...]

Today now practically ready to set out— i.e., Eva is packing, which al-
ways makes her extremely ill-humored; but after the trip came to grief the
first time, I am, if not superstitious, then at least very skeptical, on top of
that much too depressed by the general situation, to have felt any kind of
pleasure so far.

I have worked through the larger part of the Monglond borrowed from
Berlin, but not yet taken notes; I shall apply for an extension. I am also
ever more skeptical with respect to my opus.

In the Stiirmer (which is displayed at every comer) I recently saw a pic-
ture: two girls in swimming costumes at a seaside resort. Above it: "Pro-
hibited for Jews," underneath it: "How nice that it's just us now!" Then I
remembered a long forgotten incident. September 1900 or 1901 in Lands-
berg. In the lower sixth we were 4 Jews among 16, in the upper sixth 3
among 8 pupils. There was little trace of anti-Semitism among either the
teachers or the pupils. More precisely none at all. The agitation of
Ahlwardt and Stoecker is no more than historical fact to me. I knew only
that a Jew could become neither a fraternity member as a student nor an
officer. [ . . . ] So on the Day of Atonement — Yom Kippur — the Jews did
not attend classes. The next day our comrades told us, laughing and with-
out the least malice (just as the words themselves were also only uttered
jokingly by the altogether humane teacher), Kufahl, the mathematician,
had said to the reduced class: "Today it's just us." In my memory these
words took on a quite horrible significance: to me it confirms the claim of
the NSDAP to express the true opinion of the German people. And I be-
lieve ever more strongly that Hitler really does embody the soul of the
German people, that he really stands for "Germany" and that he will con-

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sequently maintain himself and justifiably maintain himself. Whereby I
have not only outwardly lost my Fatherland. And even if the government
should change one day: my inner sense of belonging is gone.

In the newspaper the relevant supplement is no longer called "The
Car" or "Motor Vehicles" or the like, but "Motor Vehicles in the Third
Reich." The swastika must be prominent everywhere. Everything has to
be related to it and only to it. — In Monglond I encountered for the first
time the language of the orators, journalists, preachers, etc. of the French
Revolution: precisely the same thing!

I hear from Marta (who is offended that we are going to Grete) that
Georg is in Switzerland. He does not treat me with much affection. I be-
lieve he gives me all the money because 25 years ago he promised Father
to help me. I believe that he is guided neither by fraternal love nor by any
kind of respect for my work, convinced that I am not congenial to him and
am to some extent contemptible. . . . But I have become a little thick-
skinned and cynical and as things stand, I have much more use for cash
support than for fraternal respect and love. As I have already often ob-
served, there is very little feeling for people left in me. Eva and then
comes Mujel, the tomcat.

August 29, Sunday-September 5, Sunday

The coast and Hanseatic trip with Grete (August 18-27) and the trip to the
Riesengebirge (August 31-September 1). [ . . . ]

At last, on Friday, September 3, 1 took Grete to the morning fast train,
had her whisked up to the platform on the baggage elevator, saw her to
her compartment and made sure that she disappeared toward Briinn at
10:41 to her cousin and friend of her youth Gustl Bunzl (Assekuranz-
Bunzl, Vienna). She will appear again in about six days, in order then to be
conveyed back to Strausberg in the car.

[...]

September 5, Sunday morning

Returned from the station on Friday, I picked up Eva and drove her to the
dentist. The consultation had the anticipated unpleasant result; removal of
loose teeth and replacement by dentures are necessary, lengthy torment,
expense, stuttering, uncertain end result. Nevertheless: There are worse ill-
nesses, and this business is more embarrassment than misfortune.

We attempted to get over it, Eva in the garden, I at the typewriter. In the
evening I read a little from the very charming Holtei ( Die Vagabunden).
Yesterday, Saturday, we were invited to dinner at Annemarie's, from
whom we had heard nothing for months. The journey there rather slow
and difficult with an uncommon amount of approaching traffic (a whole

SEPTEMBER 1937

235

torchlight procession of cycling workers from the dreadful stinking Kiitt-
ner artificial fiber factory in Pima, etc., etc.) on the narrow, twisting road
to Pima. Afterward the drive back in the quieter night was better. The
clinic and the private apartment now furnished and elegant. We had to ad-
mire everything, especially the impressive X-ray apparatus. Strange, how
completely Dressel dominates. Annemarie is merely general practitioner,
medical and technical assistant— financial backer. For a dozen years
surgery was everything to her, and now she is quite happy to be a subor-
dinate and forget about the knife. Just as Schemer no longer thinks about
philosophy and big city and is content in his small-town pharmacy. [ . . . ]

A full supper at Annemarie's with a lot of alcohol, wine, champagne,
liqueur. I became dangerously tired, but a strong coffee revived me, and I
got the car safely home. In bed at two.

Welcome, given our financial situation, which is again very stretched, is
that Annemarie paid 100M for the three cabinets passed on to her. In the
matter of money I have become very fatalistic and thick-skinned and quite
unbourgeois.

September 11

Conclusion of the days of restlessness and travel.

Grete was supposed to return from Briinn on Wednesday; early on Mon-
day morning (September 6) she announced by telegram that she was com-
ing the same evening. That morning I had to go to see Wolf in Freital: The
patched tire had not held. With Wolf to the car dump (the first I have ever set
foot in, interesting enough!) in Schandauerstrasse. Neither an old nor a new
tire to be had, a new one — by chance — promised for next week, normally
one now waits six weeks — signum temporis. From there to a specialist shop
on Freiberger Platz, where at least an inner tube could be found; from there
back to Freital, where Wolf fitted the inner tube inside the defective tire.
There was at least one good thing about the inadequate state of the spare
wheel; it provided a plausible reason for calling off the visit to Marta and
Sussmann. We were both far too tired to endure another visit to relations,
and longed for some rest, less from driving itself than from the misery of rel-
atives. This hunt for the fifth wheel cost me the first 25 miles on Monday.
Then off to Oberbarenburg after lunch. Immediately back to us with the
Frankes and had coffee here. Walter Franke, now over fifty, has become a
stout gentleman, otherwise very like his father, good-natured, friendly, as in-
consequential as his wife, head clerk of a nitrogen company with 450M a
month gross, modest, satisfied, unpolitical, as a half-breed has kept his job,
member of the Labor Front and citizen of the Reich. After coffee I drove them
both through the city to the equestrian statue on the other side of the Briihl
Terrace and back. After that we both took the two of them back to Ober-
barenburg and drove home again. Then, after a hurried meal, I fetched Grete
from the station. That meant that in one day I had driven 144 miles in ag-

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gravating circumstances (always in company!); I was completely shattered.
Then there were still long conversations with Grete; Eva was also finished.

I would have been very pleased if we had immediately been able to
send Grete on her way the next day, but she rested here, and for us that
meant further endless disruption and strain on the nerves. [ . . ]

On Wednesday all four of us were in fact "knocked out." Eva trembled
and shivered with exhaustion, Grete had overdone things long ago, the
jalopy only had four wheels and I had "had 'nuff.

Eva had very little room in the car beside the thickly wrapped Grete, I
was hampered by the big suitcase beside me. Despite all of that a large
part of the drive passed off quite pleasantly. Tolerable weather, we re-
vived. Away just before eleven. [ . . . ]

In Strausberg at half past seven. Grete got out, even before we turned
the car, let herself be put to bed immediately after the meal and stayed
there the next morning; her doctor was supposed to come in the course of
the day, she was obviously very much afraid. We ourselves took a couple
of steps along the country road and retired early and exhausted.

The next morning (September 9) not very pleasant. Eva really worn out.
As for Grete, I did not know and do not know to what extent she is a
malade imaginaire, to what extent she is really ill. But certainly she is old,
helpless, unworldly and dependent on strangers and at the same time
tyrannical, much more tyrannical than she realizes. Also she does not pay
as well as she imagines. The Kemleins, decent people, but nevertheless de-
pendent on earnings and customers, told me a little of their problems with
Grete, and in the light of my experiences, they were neither unjust nor did
they exaggerate. I said that to my sister I was still her little brother and so
without any influence on her. My heart was fairly heavy when we quickly
said our farewells at half past ten. [ . . . ] On this concluding drive I cov-
ered exactly 315 miles door to door, but it was not just the miles that had
worn me out so badly.

September 12, Sunday

Exhaustion and depression persist of course; the diary entry is just fin-
ished, the second volume of Monglond has just been worked through, and
now I am going to make the briefest possible notes— but there is not yet
any kind of liberation from the general disgust and feeling of the useless-
ness of all things. Pity that I have one screw too few or too many to be a
good Catholic. Eva lies down a lot and reads (while the weather has been
very bad and thoroughly autumnal since immediately after our return), I
am very much occupied with the household, domestic errands (on foot,
since I do not dare drive the car out of the garage alone), with typing, read-
ing and reading aloud, but my much nourished disgust will not lift.

Eva's dental business is horribly before me: I do not like this anesthetic.
[ . . . ] I lack the confidence that my opus, (1) has real value, (2) can ever

SEPTEMBER 1937

237

achieve success, (3) that I shall bring it to a conclusion. Grete's fear of ex-
tinction has had a very bad effect on me and the constant heart problems
while I am walking repeatedly forces the thought of idiotic nothingness
into my mind also. — And then the political disgust. Everywhere on my
way I see the sign "Jews Unwelcome!" and now, during the Fifth Party
Rally, hatred of Jews is being whipped up again. The Jews are murdering
Spain, the Jews are the criminal people, all crimes can be traced back to the
Jew (the official Sturmer and the minister Goebbels). And the people are so
stupid that they believe everything. Certainly, in a fit of rage Frau Giintzel,
the baker's wife, waves a roll under my nose: " That is the muck we have to
bake!" Certainly, everybody grumbles; but nobody makes a move, and in
the end the masses believe everything. The very decent, intelligent and far
from innocent Frau Kemlein in Strausberg says to me: "Starvation is better
than Communism! When we built this here, before the Third Reich, some-
one shouted over the fence: You're building — but we'll live in it! . . . And
there is so much starvation and murder in Russia — after all less blood is
spilled in this country . . There is no doubt that 99 out of a hundred think
like that. And the intelligentsia and the scholars prostitute themselves.

The Party Rally is in every respect a poor copy of the last one. The
Americanism of the language has increased even further. Speech by the
head of the press: The Volkische Beobachter is building "the biggest pub-
lishing house in the world"; the daily print run of the German press,
placed one on top of the other, would stretch 12 XA miles into the strato-
sphere, the Party press makes up 70 percent of it— and abroad they tell lies
about the decline of our press. And the Fiihrer warns against and protects
Europe from the Jewish-Bolshevist world enemy.

September 20, Monday evening

Prevost-Aisse typed, another two or three days for corrections, and then I
can go on; but my spirits sink ever deeper, as the manuscript pages mount
up. Basically the whole thing is self-deception and killing time. In the
present situation I see nothing at all on which one could pin hope of a
change. Hitler's speech in Niimberg about the morally and intellectually
inferior Jewish race — no matter how thick my skin has gradually become
and how lunatic the accusation (and the assertion that Bolshevism is
purely Jewish), I nevertheless find it painful to have to spend the rest of
my life here. And I am ever more convinced that Hitler truly speaks for
more or less all Germans.

September 24, Friday

Dreadful autumn weather, dreadfully depressed about everything, still
muddling along.

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Prevost filed away apart from the footnotes; I am intending to start
Morelly today. Held back during the last few days by a great deal of read-
ing aloud, since Eva, who is very poorly, has been lying in bed a lot. (Den-
tist has been halted now and postponed indefinitely — but the entirely
dreadful business of the bigger operation and of the possibly useless den-
tures still lies before us and weighs on us.) [ ... ]

September 25, Saturday

After a gap of several months we were at Frau Schaps yesterday (turned
70 meanwhile and yet going by disposition and appearance 60 at the out-
side) together with the Gerstles. I always find their mood and judgment
very valuable as an expression of the group. On the whole I was not dis-
satisfied: (1) even they have by now realized that they no longer need to
fear Bolshevism because it is already here (Gerstle said the Bolshevist ten-
dency within the NSDAP is constantly increasing), (2) for all his pes-
simism, Gerstle does not expect the regime to last that much longer, (3) he
talked of considerable dissatisfaction among the workers, of the govern-
ment's great financial difficulties, of the completely dismissive attitude of
the English with respect to colonies (he read from the Economist). [ . . . ]
The Gerstles also told us [ . . . ] that in Munich Vossler, just turned 65, has
been retired. (I am no longer in contact with him, since his evident support
for Auerbach's candidacy in Istanbul.)

In recent weeks two very pleasant film evenings. Show Boat, thoroughly
American in music, dance, humor, fights, gum chewing; The Voice of the
Heart , Gigli film, thoroughly Italian singing.

Today I began reading the terribly boring Morelly.

[..]

October 9, Saturday afternoon

For a good week now we have been plagued by every kind of influenza
symptom. Eva is extremely handicapped and worn down by lumbago, I
myself have been more badly troubled by sniffles, coughing and probably
also a temperature than for many years; for a couple of days I was prop-
erly ill and completely incapable of work, today I still feel wretched
enough, but at least I can actually exist again and have until now, five
o'clock, read from the life story of Fanny Lewald at Eva's bedside. A big
step forward because during the last few days I was so hoarse that read-
ing aloud was impossible.

We repeatedly got through the evenings by going to the cinema. The
most interesting things were the support programs, the Numberg Party
Rally and Mussolini's visit — various excerpts from all of that, but above

OCTOBER 1937

239

all the whole of Hitler's and Mussolini's speeches on the Maifeld. Mus-
solini's gesticulation and facial expressions and his broken, barely com-
prehensible German were very amusing. The spectacular staging was
terrific — but in the end it is exactly the same staging again and again: mil-
itarized masses and goose-stepping and war games in support of peace
and laying wreaths. In the long run the effect is deadening — provided one
is not aroused by it.

[...]

Reka, the most reputable, the best department store in Dresden, was
Aryanized last year or the year before. Now it is advertising its "Anniver-
sary Sale: 25 Years." At the same time a notice has been painted on all the
entrances: "Aryan Store."

[...]

It goes without saying that I am spending my birthday in fairly sub-
dued fashion.

October 27, Tuesday, toward evening

I returned books to the State Library, the "Pre-Rousseauism" section has
now finally come to a conclusion with Haller. I have worked on these sixty
typewritten pages since the beginning of April. The whole undertaking
seems ever more pointless to me, I shall continue but only by the law of in-
ertia and without any illusions. How? — that is also obscure to me. The du-
biousness of the basic structure is becoming increasingly evident. In the
last few weeks the work has been and is being slowed down by Eva's still
quite wretched state of health. I have sometimes read aloud literally day
and night (once from two till half past four in the morning), I read by her
bedside every morning. That not only takes up the hours of reading them-
selves, but has a very tiring and paralyzing effect far beyond that. But I do
not really mind doing it, I can no longer get rid of the thought that it
makes no difference at all how I pass the rest of my life: I no longer believe
in any political change, nor do I believe that a change would be of any help
to me. Neither in my circumstances nor in my feelings. — Contempt and
disgust and deepest mistrust with respect to Germany can never leave me
now. And yet in 1933 1 was so convinced of my Germanness.

[...]

On October lb Georg's wife Maria died in Merano in the middle of their
European trip, in her early sixties at most. It is dreadful how cold deaths
like this leave me — and what fine letters of condolence I write. Now when
I receive a letter from Georg, the only question I ask myself is: Will it con-
tain a notification of money?

Pity that I do not have time to make notes on what I read out. I shall set
down a few key words at least. The memoirs of Fanny Lewald, written
around 1860, are by far the most important for me. The relationship of her
parents (Napoleonic period and after) to Germanness. One so much wants

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to submerge oneself in German and Christian society, feels German by ed-
ucation, but sees oneself rejected, has a lot of time for France and never-
theless commits oneself to Germany. Fanny Lewald herself, unbaptized,
feels completely German, portrays Borne as the national German, sees
Auerbach as the German author. Seen from the present state of affairs, this
Jewish penetration of German society, the part they played in Liberalism,
in Young Germany is deeply moving. If I should after all write my Life,
then I shall have to remember Fanny Lewald, also her father and his half
German, half Old Testament views. [ . . . ]

October 29

Eva's health continues to be very poor, politics stagnating and gloomy,
makes one want to throw up every day — today another race defilement
trial: ten years in prison for a 56-year-old Hamburg lawyer. The report on
it literally stinks of nauseating lies.

I am very depressed because I cannot think what structure to give the
remainder of my book. I increasingly believe the basic structure to be un-
workable and doubt the intrinsic value of the whole thing. I want to give
up the search for a while now and work stubbornly at the little Gessner
chapter.

November 11, Thursday

The manuscript of the Gessner- Werther section is now finished, library
preparations for the English, who come next, either made or under way.
Everything proceeds infinitely slowly and without any pleasure. First of
all half and whole days are taken up with reading aloud because of Eva's
continuing bad health — on top of the rheumatism there is now a dental
problem as well, periodontitis or an abscess — then I am not sure how to
continue with the book, the basic idea on which it is based (the possibility
of separating sensibilite and Rousseauism) appears dubious and the
meaning and value of the whole work more than dubious. I "muddle" on
so as to pass the time and the rest of my life — my opus probably came to a
conclusion in 1933 with the Corneille. That was made distressingly clear
to me today by a double letter: I asked Hatzfeld if he could find out the
date of the first publication of Haller's The Alps in France, he had passed
the question on to van Thiegham, who gives me a friendly and detailed re-
sponse, in the belief that I am writing a specialist study along the lines of
"comparative" literature. Hatzfeld, who always combines a serious, up-
right Catholic piety with a great deal of worldliness, advises me to thank
Thiegham politely, as he could perhaps find a place for part or even all of
my book in one of his publications. So then once again I felt a weight on

NOVEMBER 1937

241

my soul: What would this scholarly specialist think of my work? It is not
research after all, for him and his kind it is not a scholarly work. And it is
far too scholarly for the general public. So no hope anywhere.

In politics always the same thing, continuing triumph of the National
Socialist cause, at home and abroad. It is as if the rest of the world were
paralyzed. — An exhibition in Munich, called " The Eternal Jew," informs
about the Jewish "blood rite."

November 28, Sunday

The day before yesterday a speech by Goebbels: We have weeded out the
Jews, and the layout of our newspapers is better than ever before! Mocks
himself without knowing it. . . . Yesterday a striking example of this lay-
out: banner headline, "The Rebuilding of Berlin Begins" (with the laying
of the foundation stone of the "defense engineering" faculty of the TU in
Charlottenburg) and noted in very small print below and then hidden
somewhere inside the newspaper, that Schacht has given up the Econom-
ics Ministry, has given it up to a National Socialist journalist. But it is nev-
ertheless possible that future historians will describe this little point as the
beginning of the end. Only: How many years separate this beginning from
the final end?

I cannot wait much longer. The complete exhaustion of my determina-
tion and of my capacity for work shows me how worn down I am. For
weeks now I have been reading about the English influence (Thomson,
Ossian, etc.), cannot get hold of enough material, hesitate again and again,
do not write a single line. All confidence in my work is gone, I merely keep
myself busy and pass the time. Besides, not so much of it goes on the book
at all, fortunately perhaps. Daily routine: rise at seven in darkness, the
stove, make breakfast, no time to shower. Eva still lies in bed for half the
morning. Once I have provided for Eva and myself, I read aloud until al-
most eleven. Then she gets up, and I am so tired that I fall asleep for
twenty or thirty minutes. Then from around half past eleven until half
past two I sit at my reading smoking countless cigarillos. Then I dress,
then I make coffee, then I clear up, then I am dead tired again, then I am
"floored" again, and then I have just two more working hours, provided
that we do not drive into town or I do not creep down through the park
and back up again with my heart trouble, in order to go shopping. Eva lies
down immediately after the evening meal, I read aloud, replenish the
stove, read again, until she falls asleep, browse through this and that until
half past eleven and go to bed. The tomcat is also fed and usually some
hungry feline turns up outside as well.

[...]

Quite a few weeks ago now two films with half-decent content but out-
standing acting: Die Warschauer Zitadelle [The Warsaw Citadel] and Zu
neuen Ufern [To New Shores] with Zarah Leander.

242

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I repeatedly catch myself thinking about my Memoirs. They will re-
main unwritten.

December 28, Tuesday

On the twenty-fourth after several days of frost, there was a sudden thaw.
So we drove to Wilsdruff, as we did last year, to buy a living tree, which
will afterward be planted here, just like its predecessor. At twelve there
was not a soul at the nursery, we sat in the Weisser Adler [White Eagle]
until one, again no one at the nursery. I fetched Weber, the old head gar-
dener, whom we know, although he has meanwhile retired, and he dug up
a tree for us. So in the evening we had quite a tolerable Christmas; Eva had
got a window for the dining cellar, we drank a little bottle of schnapps and
we both felt quite reasonable. On the first day of the holiday, with rain
pouring down uninterruptedly, at home, each doing his work, Eva paints
the music room, I correct the "Antique Elements" section. In the evening
read out The Avenger , a very wild Edgar Wallace (the mad guillotine mur-
derer). On the second day of the holiday went for a drive along the beau-
tiful road to Meissen on the left bank of the Elbe.

I had been very afraid of these days because things are going very
badly. Money worries are again especially oppressive, we count every
penny, we can no longer keep up the life insurance. And the hope of polit-
ical change is hardly a hope anymore.

It hit us particularly hard that the Gerstle-Salzburgs are also emigrating
now. The Weber Flavored Coffee Factory was sold to Kathreiner. Gerstle
inherited it from his father and managed it for 28 years, he served as an of-
ficer during the war. From the breakup of the household we got many
flowers (as from the Blumenfelds and the Isakowitzes), including a mon-
strous rubber tree. I could have had books by the hundred; I did not take
many, I already have so many moldering away, partly in boxes, partly also
on the bookshelves, since without any service there is no thorough clean-
ing. A handsome old greyhound, which the Gerstles themselves had al-
ready taken over from emigrants, is being poisoned. Even after the huge
loss of the breakup of the household, Flight Tax, etc. the Gerstles are prob-
ably still rich. They are going to England "by way of a world cruise." The
seventy-year-old Frau Schaps is accompanying them on this cruise, but
she wants to return here. She will then be completely alone.

Gerstle gave me the address of a London banker called Bacharach who
might be interested in helping me; I wrote to him. [ . . . ] But I shall not get
away, and it is also certainly contrary to Eva's innermost desire to leave —
see the planted Christmas tree, the new window, the painted music
room ... we are digging ourselves in here and shall perish here.

The loneliness weighs ever more heavily. Berthold Meyerhof has to
leave Berlin. Johannes Kohler did not send me greetings on my birthday
nor for Christmas (as he otherwise has done for years).

DECEMBER 1937

243

With all the pressure my work makes ever slower progress. Admittedly
my age is probably also to blame: the nonchalance is no longer there, I
often read for months, only to write a dozen pages. This year exactly 95
typewritten pages have been completed: Rousseau, Chapter V — "Antique
Elements." But it is not age alone, the external encouragement is lacking,
this just-writing-for-oneself is so depressing. Also all of Eva's lying down
has meant that in the last few months I not only read aloud in the
evenings, but in the mornings as well. God, how much! [ . . . ] Most re-
cently, as I said, the Wallace from the Gerstle stock. (In addition I took a
great deal of Bismarck literature, Ziegler's Geistige und soziale Stromungen
in 19. Jahrhundert [Intellectual and Social Currents in the Nineteenth Cen-
tury], several Heinrich Manns, a Sholem Asch, a volume of Ossian and the
reply of the Diocese of Cologne to Rosenberg.)

[...]

Fraulein Carlo's visit was certainly some kind of relief. Under the aus-
pices of KDF she toured the small towns of Saxony with four other people,
acting in Till Eulenspiegel, a play for children. Modem players, they drive
by car, the trailer carries the properties, they play in secondary schools,
public houses, etc., each person takes six different parts, the schoolmaster,
the old woman, the donkey, the dressing rooms are not heated, the pay is
20M for each performance, which has to cover food, they help one another
with the rapid costume changes. [ . . . ]

Vossler, with whom I broke some time ago (after he did nothing
against, presumably a great deal for, Auerbach's appointment to the Is-
tanbul chair), sends me a page from the Frankfurter Zeitung. Under "Ap-
proaches to Dante" it reports on a new translation and on a talk that
Manacorda gave in the Harnackhaus. He begins: In 1921 after all the an-
niversary fuss was over, one critical thinker wrote, with some justification,
about "Dante the Stranger." But the name of the critical thinker can no
longer be mentioned in an Aryan newspaper. I wrote to thank Vossler, half
amicably, half ironically and emphatically d'outretombe.

I now find it just as hard to force myself to the diary as to private corre-
spondence. But often I am overtaken by some scene from my planned
memoirs. But I always think that I must remain loyal to the ill-fated XVUI-
ieme. And at the same time my heart problems while walking are getting
worse every day.

A summary of the year '37 is probably unnecessary. The famous 95
pages of the Rousseau volume; the summer trip to Berlin, to the sea and to
the Riesengebirge; the terrible standstill of time, the hopeless vegetating.

1938

\

January 8, Saturday

The detenrrining influence on the first week was the weather. Tremendous
snowfalls, constant effort to keep a footpath clear, impossible to get the car
out. In the mornings I went along our front fence with the snow sweeper a
couple of times; it caused me such heart problems that I had to leave the real
work of cleaning (hours of heavy work!) to Eva. A big thaw set in yesterday,
but there are still masses of snow outside and the car still shut in: I went into
town by tram and on foot and came back exhausted. Worry about my heart
is with me constantly, at the same time I grow ever fatter and smoke ever
more. And this month there really is no way that I can keep up the life in-
surance. Eva went to bed early on New Year's Eve, I read [ . . . ] to her, at
twelve Eva got up for a little while, and we drank three schnapps. On New
Year's Day we went about our work, I began the Colardeau. (Which is now
followed by the Dorat — it is going far too slowly.) Johannes Kohler, from
whom I have heard nothing more since the summer, did not send New
Year's greetings either. On the fourth we sent him greetings; there was no
reply. — The Jew-baiting has increased again in recent weeks. The reason is
the new Fascism in Romania; Germany plays the accompaniment to the
anti-Semitism there and celebrates it. The letter to Bacharach, the banker,
had fairly embarrassing consequences; instead of giving a private reply to a
private letter, the man passed it on to the Warburg Institute (what is it?);
there a Fraulein Dr. Gertrud Bing made two copies and sent them to my old
friend Demuth and a Society for the Protection of Science and Learning. Now
today a letter comes from Demuth again: Send three curriculum vitae, etc.
to us once again, we shall go on looking. Just scribblings, waste of time, an-
noyance, hopelessness. However, Fraulein Bing also wrote to me, she will
try to arrange a lecture for me in London, and whether I knew Dr. Gutkind,
who is now Italian lecturer in London. I wrote back that we had almost been
friends, he can provide any information about me. — But what is the point
of it all? It is not only that there are no prospects, but that I am afraid of the
prospects. Eva and house and garden and I myself without knowledge of
the languages — how could it work out? But what is going to happen here?

January 11, Tuesday

So I have written curriculum vitae and publications list once again and sent
them off. Among the documents I have kept here there is now the new cur-

248

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

riculum next to the French version of May 35; it is less emotional by several
degrees, I am no longer capable of underlining my Germanness, the whole
national ideology has quite gone to pieces for me. — The scribbling took up
an annoying amount of time. The rest of the time today was taken up with
a shopping trip. The worst of the snow trouble is over, but driving is still
very difficult and exhausting. I wanted to get cigarettes from Weinstein, the
old Jewish dealer [...]; he had died four weeks ago, his wife has already
moved away from Polierstrasse. The man was killed by heart trouble, my
commiseration no doubt consists for the larger part of egoistical fears.

January 18, Tuesday

Berthold Meyerhof was here on Friday; he had to settle accounts with a
manufacturer whom he used to represent, and took his leave of us: at the
beginning of March he goes to the USA with his wife, from complete hope-
lessness into uncertainty. He said, everywhere he goes, he thinks of 1918,
the atmosphere is the same as then. But he cannot wait and does not want
to either; his earlier ardent patriotism, which he inherited from his father,
has been rooted out, he longs to become an American. — I feel exactly the
same. Whatever happens, I shall never again be capable of trust, never
again have a sense of belonging. It has been knocked out of me, retrospec-
tively so to speak; too much of what, in the past, I took lightly, viewed as
an embarrassing minor phenomenon, I now consider to be German and
typical. The superlativism, which is a special hallmark of the language of
the Third Reich, is different from the American one. The people in the USA
talk big in a childlike and fresh manner, the Nazis do it in a way that is half
megalomania, half frantic autosuggestion. One of their favorite words is
"eternal." We have, says Ley yesterday, at the official opening of a number
of Hitler schools, "the way to eternity." — A particular example, in recent
weeks, of clumsy lying and suppression and distortion were the reports of
the fighting around Teruel. First Bolshevik hordes had entered the in-
significant place, then the heroic garrison of the citadel was relieved, the
"general staff" of the Reds taken prisoner, their new army bled to death.
Then "pockets of Bolsheviks" were still holding out in the town, then the
Nationalist troops were withdrawn from the unimportant position, prob-
ably because of the section commander's incompetence, insofar as they
had not been taken prisoner as a result of the commander's treachery, he
had surrendered so as not to face a court-martial; then there had been an
agreement to allow the Red Cross to evacuate 300 dead and 700 wounded
from the citadel-like seminary, but the Bolsheviks had broken their word
and murdered the garrison as soon as the gates were opened. And the
reader is supposed to believe all of it, whatever it is that is printed in all
the newspapers each day, because all the papers are only allowed to print
the one thing they have been ordered to.

JANUARY 1938

249

Very quiet and yet quieter living-for-ourselves. Johannes Kohler did
not reply to my greeting. Bad weather— after the snowfall there were fohn
winds and downpours, in addition shortage of money, which makes every
purchase of gasoline distressing, keeps us at home. Eva paints cupboards,
does carpentry and other manual work, as if we were established in our
little house for all eternity; I sit brooding over the Dix-huitieme all day, al-
ways with the old doubts, always with the same slow progress, and yet
also with a certain success. Today the Colardeau-Dorat section is typed
and finished (going from the manuscript to the typed version still involves
revision). The typescript has still to be corrected and the footnotes written:
about four days. So then eight typewritten pages of text will have taken a
good three weeks. But I can't help: They are good and not copied from
other people.

The only drive recently, aside from a few trips to the library, was to Frau
Schaps: belated New Year greeting. We are to eat with her on Thursday.
Departure; after that she goes around the world with her children, who
have emigrated once and for all and are in Switzerland. For weeks I have
been reading aloud from Kormendy, Farewell to Yesterday, in the evenings.
Basically the tragedy of a Jew disappointed in his desire for assimilation.
In addition an elegy to Liberalism. The book has remained in the lending
libraries by mistake, a barely comprehensible mistake, probably protected
by its thickness — who plows through a thousand pages?

January 31, Monday evening

I add here the letter that I received today from the normally so calm Mar-
tin Sebba, about the expulsion, without a reason given and without delay,
of his sick daughter Kathe. At the same time he sent the commemorative
postage stamps for January 30, '38 (five years of the Third Reich). In the
newspaper: symbol: A youth carries the torch of honor and truth through
the Brandenburg Gate.

I had already been seriously depressed by yesterday's celebration: I no
longer really believe I shall live to see a change; now this letter. Note in it
also the sudden exclusion of non-Aryan doctors from the private insur-
ance schemes. Apart from that in recent weeks anti-Semitism has once
again been very much in the foreground (it rotates: now the Jews, now the
Catholics, now the Protestant ministers). [ . . . ]

In the cinema newsreels one sees: Japanese artillery mopping up last-
ditch resistance in conquered Chinese territory. And, sentimentally, feed-
ing of returned Chinese refugees by the Japanese in Shanghai, where iron
discipline now prevails. (Happy idyllic faces of Chinese children eating.)
The propaganda operates on the principle of the chivalric romance with
the Japanese as hero and as benevolent helper and bringer of peace. For a
while the pictures from the National Spanish side looked exactly the same.

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And the Chinese too are now gradually being turned into Bolsheviks. The
only thing that surprises me is that they have not yet become Jews.

And with every day that passes I am again and ever more strongly dis-
turbed by the trite antithesis: such tremendous things are being created,
radio, airplane, sound film, and the most insane stupidity, primitiveness
and bestiality cannot be eradicated — all invention results in murder and
war. Terrible shortage of money, literally ragged (my jacket is coming
apart), my gloves are nothing but holes barely hanging together, my socks
likewise), on the first of the month more than half the money I get imme-
diately goes on current bills. Despite that, we were at the cinema twice in
recent days after a long gap. The Gigli-Cebotari opera film Mother's Song ,
very sentimental, very pretty, a little boring. But yesterday afternoon in
the Schauburg way out on Konigsbriicker Strasse (at the same time one of
our very rare drives, besides the jalopy went seriously on strike on the
way to Frau Schaps, we had to leave it at the gas station and arrived late
by tram) — anyway yesterday the Habanera with Zarah Leander, altogether
impressively good. (...)

Leonard finished and perfect, so the achievement of January 38: 13
typewritten pages, Colardeau, Dorat, Leonard.

February 19, Saturday

[...]

"Reichstag" again tomorrow. Which as before meets in Berlin s second-
class opera house, the Kroll. Symbolic. The Fiihrer — "The world awaits
the Fiihrer 's speech!"— will probably talk about the fact that since Febru-
ary 4 he is his own Minister of War and has dismissed Blomberg and
Fritsch and that Austria is now halfway incorporated. And everything in
Germany and the world is calm. — Yesterday, when he opened the car
show in Berlin and spoke about the economic upturn and the "mistakes
and crimes" of the previous government, the basic principle of the whole
language of the Third Reich became apparent to me: a bad conscience; its
triad: defending oneself, praising oneself, accusing — never a moment of
calm testimony.

February 23, Wednesday

Terrible hopelessness of the situation. Hitler's Reichstag speech like a
threat of war (increases in the armed forces), he said not a word about his
military coup d'etat; National Socialism holds sway in Austria, and it is
not only that everything remains quiet, but that English national policy is

MARCH 1938

251

being turned around, Eden is going, Chamberlain is negotiating with the
triumphant Italians, has announced negotiations with Germany, kicks the
League of Nations in the backside and for this valor gets 330 votes against
168 in the lower house of Parliament. But sometimes I tell myself: What
would be different for me in the fourth Reich, whatever form it took?
Probably I would only then face the very greatest loneliness. Because I
could never again trust anyone in Germany, never again feel myself unin-
hibitedly to be German. There is nothing I would like more than to move
abroad, best of all to the USA, where I would be a stranger as a matter of
course; it is impossible, I am tied to this country and this house for the rest
of my life. A recent promotional report of a private security company:
Enumeration of its deeds in the last year: X burglaries prevented, X fires
prevented, X crimes brought to court, one race defilement.

In the Dix-huitieme: Pamy completely finished; preparatory work on
the ghastly Lebrun-Pindare, which I eventually tracked down in Berlin
(no edition either here or in Gottingen). Everything turns out too long, and
I have just as little belief in the end of this opus as in the end of the Third
Reich. But the end of my money, I believe in that. In the last few weeks
every day has been more unbearable than the last, and in March things
will be even tighter for us.

[..]

The greatest isolation.

March 1

Today on Carnival Tuesday as part of the Berlin carnival celebrations
Hitler presented General Field Marshal Goering with his marshal's baton
in a great ceremony. They have no sense of the comic impression they
make. [ . . . ] Their conscious humor is spite against the defenseless: There
is a carnival parade here in Dresden today: "Exodus of the Children of Is-
rael." Presumably as a prelude to the propaganda week (meetings and
marches) that begins on March 4: "Peace between the nations or Jewish
dictatorship." — On Sunday, for the first time in months, we went for a
short drive, in the direction of the Versailles cross and out beyond Rade-
berg; those words were on a banner stretched across the road there. (Apart
from that it was still wintry, cold and bare.)

[..]

March 20, Sunday

The last few weeks have been the most wretched of our life so far.

The immense act of violence of the annexation of Austria, the immense
increase in power both internally and externally, the defenseless trembling

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fear of England, France, etc. We shall not live to see the end of the Third
Reich. The flags have been waving for eight days, since yesterday a broad
yellow handbill with the Star of David has been stuck to every post of our
fence: Jew. Warning against the unflagged plague barracks. Der Sturmer
has dug up its usual ritual murder; I would truly not be surprised if next I
were to find the body of a child in the garden.

A couple of days before the annexation, a letter came from the Wengler
woman, from whom I have the 12,000M mortgage until July 42. Due to a
mistake at the bank the payment for this month was one week late. The
letter, without a greeting, threatened legal action and included "precau-
tionary notice of foreclosure." The policy that covered it is used up.
There are still four years to go, but I do not believe I will be left in peace
here for another four years. Publishing contracts with non-Aryans have
been canceled— so why should a mortgage contract not be set aside as
well?

March 30, Wednesday evening

Sometimes I draw a certain comfort precisely from the terrible hopeless-
ness of the situation. This is a peak; nothing, neither good nor evil, can re-
main in a state of superlatives. The hubris, the brutality, the cynicism of
the victors in their "election speeches" is so monstrous, the threats and
abuse of other countries assumes such lunatic forms, that the counter-
stroke must come some time. And we two have got so used to our poverty
and troubles, that again and again there are nevertheless hours that are
bearable. Reading aloud in the evenings, the work on the Dix-huiti£me, no
matter how pointless it is. Today the short theory section on didactic and
descriptive poetry was finished. A compilation or my own ideas? Valu-
able, valueless? At any rate written, worked.

The creation of legends in the middle of the twentieth century: Vogel, the
grocer, in all seriousness and quite shocked tells me something that is "cer-
tainly true and vouched for" and is circulating secretly, because dissemina-
tion carries the threat of prison: A man in Berlin takes his wife to the hospital
so that she can give birth. A picture of Christ hangs over the bed. The man:
"Nurse, that picture must go, I don't want the Jewboy to be the first thing
my child sees." The nurse: She herself could not do anything about it, she
will report it. In the evening he gets a telegram from the doctor: "You have
a son. The picture did not need to be removed, the child is blind."

Frau Lehmann, our cleaning woman, showed me her daughter's voca-
tional school-leaving certificate: Conduct very good. Ready for action.

Less than a week after the occupation of Austria the map of the new
"Greater Germany" was hanging in a shop window on the Altmarkt. It
must have been printed long before the business.

[...]

APRIL 1938

253

April 5, Tuesday

Yesterday the announcement of the death of Felician Gess at the age of 78.
His life's work appears to have consisted of a publication on the Saxon
duke Ludwig the Bearded and his relations with Luther. But he was al-
ways an upright Teuton and in 1920 objected to my appointment. Now my
most intimate enemies at the university, the two Forsters with their three
eyes and Don Quixote Gess, are in Valhalla, and I hope I shall never see
them again. But on the one hand: How petty and comical my battles and
troubles of those days seem to me now; and on the other: How deeply
Hitler s attitudes are rooted in the German people, how good the prepa-
rations were for his Aryan doctrine, how unbelievably I have deceived
myself my whole life long, when I imagined myself to belong to Germany,
and how completely homeless I am.

[•••]

Yesterday Baldur von Schirach declared Braunau the place of pilgrim-
age of German youth. Today Goebbels' instructions for the Sunday before
the "election." One always thinks the spectacle has reached a peak, and
then an even higher peak emerges. This time all traffic will stop for two
minutes, and the locomotives will howl along with the sirens, and
squadrons of aircraft will circle in the air "over all of Germany."

Roucher complete [...]. Now I want to type the finished pages of the
chapter on epic poetry and then start on Delille. Just don't think about the
pointlessness of the enterprise.

Grete is yet again inviting us to come and sent 50M; it is very touching
and very humiliating.

April 10, Sunday afternoon

The "election" today, the "Day of the Greater German Reich." Yesterday
evening pealing bells for a whole hour, mixed in with them a roaring
sound, evidently the radio transmission of the Vienna or Berlin bells. In
addition the smoky red of the torchlight processions over the city, lights in
windows even up here in our lonely place.

For some days now divine right has been given ever more prominence.
Again and again in the newspaper: He is the instrument of Providence—
the hand that writes "no" will wither— the sacred election Large fac-

simile copies everywhere of the assent of the Austrian bishops. We think
he will have himself crowned Emperor. In Christian fashion as the
Anointed of the Lord. That made me for the first time ask myself the ques-
tion, why the proclamation of the Emperor in Versailles (since Wilhelm I
was truly a believer after all) took a completely secular form, as a purely
political act. It's not the answer (Wilhelm only felt himself to be King of
Prussia by God's grace, for him the Imperial title was an embarrassing po-

254

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litical matter), that's not what I find interesting here, but the question sur-
facing after I had taken the fact for granted for almost fifty years. I now so
often ask myself questions about things (e.g., of a linguistic nature) that I
took for granted for fifty years. The main thing for tyrannies of any kind is
the suppression of the urge to ask questions. And it is so easy to do. If J, a
professor, schooled in thinking all my life, have not asked myself so many
and such obvious questions in the course of fifty years, how should the
people hit on asking questions? One hardly even needs to force them to do
the opposite.

On Thursday we had our spectacles checked by old Professor von
Pflugk. We had not been to see him for a long time because he never sends
a bill. He always receives us with cordial friendliness. It was the day after
a Goebbels speech in Dresden ("The Conqueror of Berlin our doctor
addresses 20,000 comrades of the people— tumultuous reception." That
and similar in the headlines). Pflugk glanced into the empty waiting
room, took each of us by the arm, bent down and whispered, before any-
thing else had been mentioned: "There was a patient here who saw
Goebbels yesterday. In the midst of the silent, listening crowd someone
shouted "Do you know what you are? You are scoundrels, all of you are
scoundrels!" Then two men seized him by the throat and dragged him
out. For God's sake don't pass it on!" — In the evening I passed it on, of
course, and, of course, told Natscheff in the lending library in just the
same whisper. "We are a center of agitation here," he told me, "you can't
imagine all the things people say here!" And immediately thereupon to a
customer entering: "Heil Hitler!" — Pflugk then grumbled and com-
plained vigorously. He had not been allowed to accept an invitation to the
ophthalmologists' congress in Cairo, he's not trusted. He hears and sees so
much that is dreadful and so much dissatisfaction. I said: "And on Sunday
you'll get your fifty million votes." He, with emotion: "But I have to."
That's just it: Everyone has to; half of them have been made stupid, and no
one believes the ballot is secret, and everyone trembles.

April 18, Easter Monday

After a very long interval two excursions. Both of them half pleasure, half,
almost three-quarters, duty and effort. On Good Friday, on the first and
only sunny spring day, to Piskowitz, there at midday, back at seven for our
evening meal. The pretty little girl, bom in January; rabbits, pigeons, hens,
eight piglets, three kids, two cows, beehives, fruit trees. But I do not
greatly care for the rural love of animals which has half an eye on the
butcher's knife. The husband terribly worn out, eight or nine hours a day
in the quarry, the farm work on top of that, Agnes just as thin, but the chil-
dren clean and well behaved and content and the whole family probably
the happiest people I know, secure in this world and in a well-vouched-for
world beyond. Hearty welcome. [ . . . ]

APRIL 1938

255

Then cold weather set in again, more snow than rain. Despite that we
decided yesterday to undertake the repeatedly postponed trip to Leipzig
to visit Trude Ohlmann. Luckily the two chairs intended for her even fit-
ted in the car with the roof up. [ . . . ] Trude Ohlmann now has a tiny apart-
ment of her own. Complains about her twenty-year-old boy. Eva says:
American tragedy; he wants to be "elegant," "go out," etc., does not ap-
preciate how very poor his mother is. (He was on a cycling tour.) Trude re-
ported to us what she had been told in the library under the seal of official
secrecy. Some time before the occupation of Austria there were careful in-
vestigations (books and periodicals) on behalf of the Gestapo as to who
among the Austrian professors and writers had published anti-Fascist
work. These people were then immediately arrested. Now the same inves-
tigation is being carried out for the Czech territory. What they say is: First
of all the Czech lands. Then the Corridor, but in amicable agreement, as we
shall give the Poles a part of Lithuania.

Today, as already mentioned, very tired. In the morning (with constant
driving snow) I read from Sayers for a long time. [ . . . ]

In the afternoon I salved my conscience by writing the first half-page of
the Delille section. This whole book of minor writers has turned out far
too long and an opus in itself. But what is the point of rewriting it now? I
must keep on going and bring the whole thing to a conclusion. It's good
that I don't have a choice. If I could do more immediately useful paid
work, then I would probably do it. As things stand, the question as to the
internal value and external success — I doubt the former every second day,
the latter every day and every hour— is completely superfluous. I have
nothing better to do. I cannot remain idle: therefore I do this. — If only
enough time remains to me. There is not a day on which my heart does not
make itself felt. But what is the point of staring at the End? So I continue.
And then if there is still time — my Life. And then Lingua tertii imperii.
And then learn English and American literature! And before that to be
able to drive all over England and the USA! Probably none of it will come
to pass. But the most sensible thing is always to tell oneself: Maybe yes! —
and act accordingly. And if one has no choice, then one simply does this
most sensible thing.

April 28

Trip to see Grete: Strausberg, Berlin, Frankfurt (Oder), April 23-27. 500
miles in all. [ . . . ] Grete in good health, affectionate but tyrannical, full of
family quarrels, dragged me into her affair with the Sussmanns. Monday,
twenty-fifth, [ . . . ] to Berlin with Grete. [ . . . ] At the Sussmanns at half
past four, he and Lotte have become very ugly. Extremely friendly wel-
come and coffee. [ . . . ] At six in the cafe in Giintzelstrasse again and re-
turn. Tuesday, twenty-sixth, [ . . . ] the very successful excursion to

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Frankfurt (Oder). We took Frau Kemlein with us as reward and as nurse

for the incredibly spoiled Grete. [ . . . ]

About Sussmann I only want to report today that he asserted most em-
phatically that the recent election results had been falsified. Hitler had not
received even 50 percent, in a particular case in the province of Branden-
burg 83 Yes votes had been counted and 583 declared. I don't believe it.
Most of them write Yes out of fear that the secrecy of the ballot is not re-
spected. [ . . . ]

May 3, Tuesday

Hitler traveled to Italy yesterday with a large entourage. [ . . . ] At the
same time the scale of the Italian reception is reported. Again and again,
with ever greater intensity the components Americanism, Technicism, Au-
tomatism and deification. Apart from that, this is a meeting of the two
men "who have created the new Europe." (Poveretto d un re d Italia!)

Yesterday we had 74M net winnings in the first class of the lottery. We
immediately laid plans to blow the money on alcohol and gasoline.

Finished typing Delille today. For the moment hesitation and depres-
sion again.

May 10, Tuesday

Yesterday we still had the stove on, today it's warmer, but still cool

enough. .

A somewhat more extravagant life following the big lottery win. Frivo-
lous? It does not in any case allow us to save enough to maintain the life
insurance, to cover the mortgage. For a long time now we have fatalisti-
cally taken things as they come and tried to make the best of every day
that passes. Only in my work do I have my eyes set doggedly on the fu-
ture. [ . . . ]

The Fiihrer returns from Italy this evening. A summons by Goering, to
prepare a triumphal welcome for him, to show the profound happiness,
the deepest gratitude (I am quoting pretty much word for word), order to
put out the flags "until further notice." It has been going on like this for
many weeks now: Vienna, return from Vienna, birthday. May Day, de-
parture for Italy. How can they heighten things any further, what are they
planning? — Yesterday (I am even fatalistic with respect to these notes, I
doubt they will search the house— and if they do, not read every manu-
script), so yesterday Berger, the greengrocer in Hermann Goering Strasse:
"Tonight at half past seven I'll be trying to find the secret German radio
station, I get it on short wave." — ?? — "Yes, a friend of mine heard it yes-
terday. There is a secret German radio station in operation. It actually

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257

said: 'The scoundrel is in Italy now.' " There are certainly X Bergers in
Germany. All these quite ordinary people are technologically accom-
plished, more accomplished than I am. And Berger, a front-line veteran
and a peaceful man of almost forty, is certainly no Communist. Beside
that I place: There is an attendant at the State Library who has been very
friendly to me for years, who gripped my hand when he saw me for the
first time after the reading room ban, who is most certainly not a Nazi.
Yesterday our greeting was very friendly once again. But yesterday he
was wearing the Party badge. There are certainly millions of such Party
members.

During the Fiihrer's visit the little king and emperor played the most
pitiful role (I would not have expected something so tastelessly pitiful
from the Italians). He had to stand around at the railway stations in Rome
and Naples like a porter. If they are going to play at empires, then they
should also let their emperor represent them in an imperial fashion. In-
stead he walks beside the two greatest men of the new Europe like a well-
behaved dog on a leash. Film confirms it and records it forever

[■••]

It remains to be said that recently my heart is particularly troublesome
when I am walking, that I force myself not to think about it, smoke like a
chimney and intend to be fatalistic on this point also. Georg will be 73
today. The real talent in our family has fallen upon the two of us, the old-
est and the youngest. We are both in the Brockhaus, the siblings in be-
tween are not. Of the ones in between three are dead, and Marta is
moribund. Perhaps I shall keep pace with Georg's longevity. I should so
much want to, there is still something to be said, but I do not believe it.

May 14, Saturday evening

[..]

I am stuffing myself with weak and badly printed epigonal tragedies.
Up to ten acts a day. And with every day that passes I am less confident of
completing my Dix-huitidme. Surely I am no more lacking in ideas or res-
olution than I used to be; but my relationship to the history of literature
has changed fundamentally. In the past I wanted to clearly mark out a
general summary of a period; now I am interested only in the details, the
particular, the complex. Everyone says: Tragedy in the second half of the
century, c est du Voltaire. But the interesting thing about it is precisely
the ways in which here and there it is just not du Voltaire. Only: What is
the point of drawing out these details? For whom? Vossler recently sent
me the third part of his Poesie der Einsamkeit in Spanien [Poetry of Solitude
in Spain], published by the Bavarian Academy of Sciences. The works of
other academics are listed on the back: On the Lists of Bishops of the Synods
of Chalcedon, Nicaea and Constantinople — Biton's Construction of Siege En-
gines, etc., etc., things I have never heard of. Who is interested in them?

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And why should Saurin and Lemierre, etc. be more interesting to other
people than these things to me? Vanitatum vanitas.

May 18, Wednesday

Trip to Breslau, May 15 and 16, Sunday /Monday, about 375 miles. [ . . . ]

May 23, Monday

Frau Lehmann appeared on Thursday evening. She had been summoned
to an official: It was known that she was a cleaner for a Jewish professor
and a Jewish lawyer. — She was over 46, therefore permitted. — "Cer-
tainly, but your son will not get his promotion in the Labor Service, and
your daughter— I have heard that you took the young girl with you to
Dolzschen!— will lose her post, if you do not give up this work." — So the
woman was rid of two of her three jobs, and we are alone. On Friday we
washed dishes for almost three hours, and our travel plans were aban-
doned, since house and tomcat cannot be left alone. Frau Lehmann was in
our service for eleven years — a confidential post.

Eva stubborn as ever. She goes on planting, planning, hoping.

Meanwhile the big events also slowly roll on; the Czech business is
close to an explosion. Germany is going to march in, that seems certain,
and the Austrian success will presumably be repeated. I once wrote in my
review of Jolles [ . . . ] that one should not separate intellectuals from the
general population, but the popular stratum in the soul of each person,
what is instinctive and in thrall to suggestion, from the thinking stratum.
I now add to that: The aim of education in the Third Reich and of the lan-
guage of the Third Reich, is to expand the popular stratum in everyone to
such an extent that the thinking stratum is suffocated. (Festivals, meet-
ings, press, national emotions, Sturmer, etc., etc.) [ . • • ]

May 25, Wednesday

^ The Czech conflict continues, every day we are provoked, we are peace
loving, the whole world slanders us and tells lies about us, especially En-
gland. I have been waiting for five years now— but since the German bluff
has worked so often before now, it will no doubt work yet again this time.
Recently Heckmann, the gardener, and today Vogel, the grocer, in com-
plete unanimity: "I have no idea what's happening, I don't read a news-
paper." People are apathetic and indifferent. In addition Vogel said: It all
seems like cinema to me." People simply regard it all as a theatrical sham.

JUNE 1938

259

take nothing seriously and will be very surprised when the theater turns
into bloody reality one day.

June 1, Wednesday

At the laying of the foundation stone of the Volkswagenwerk (the car for
990M) the Fiihrer said that, previously, political economists had believed
that a nation that did not produce sufficient foodstuffs for itself must
spend all its money on foodstuffs. Thus panem et circenses has been out-
done: Pro pane circenses. [ . . . ]

On Ascension Day (May 26) we drove the magnificent stretch up to
Zinnwald, to see if there were any signs of martial activity on the border.
It was all utterly peaceful, only on the Czech side little concrete walls had
been erected to right and left of the barrier. On the way back we ate in the
little village inn at Naundorf. [ . . . ]

I suspect there is a tragedy behind the printed announcement of May
26: Dr. med. Dressel-Katharina Roth, nee Roth: married. We had thought
he would marry Annemarie Kohler, and that is certainly what she thought
too, when she— she— set up the clinic for him, whereas she now plays
more the role of a matron and at best junior doctor. We have heard nothing
from her for months. I have long thought that she tends to submissiveness
and he is inclined to play Louis XIV.

The threat of war seems to have passed, and the Greater Germany con-
tinues to flourish happily.

June 16, Thursday

The final version, with all the corrections, of the wretched little chapter on
tragedy was not completed until today; at the end I was handicapped by
my failing eyes. I continue to lose hope of seeing the end of this work. And
yet I would so much like to get around to the other subject as well. [ . . . ]
The newspapers declare the suggestion that troop movements aimed at
Czechoslovakia had taken place around Dresden to be the most outra-
geous lie. We hear the opposite from three quite different sources (Wolf:
the men in the barracks have been fitted out; Annemarie: troops moving
through Pima all night; Vogel: aunt reports the same as Annemarie from
Rathen). So the whole of Saxony knows how things stand, (a) with the
truth and (b) with the newspaper. But Vogel says, and that is vox populi:
"Ach, it's all stuff and nonsense, nothing's going to happen." People are
deadened and take everything to be just "stuff and nonsense." Annemarie
Kohler was here the day before yesterday, quite incensed with the married
Dressel and quite self-assured as the financial mistress of her clinic. Dres-
sel has married a former nurse at the Heidenau Hospital. Otherwise com-

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pletely isolated. Many worries, expenses, hindrances, vexations because
of the car, which is in most urgent need of general repair, and treacher-
ously breaks down when it is most urgently needed— as today. Yet also
very pleasant drives again, some especially successful.

Since the loss of Frau Lehmann time spent on the kitchen, etc. has dou-
bled. But even when I have the whole day to myself, then my eyes give
out. And every day when I drag myself up through the park here, I think:

Dead at 59, like Berthold and Wally.

News from Frau Schaps in London, where her children are settling atter

completion of the trip around the world.

News from Marta in Soprabolzano. (No mistreatment of the Sudeten
Germans there, the Tirolese were simply sent to the Abyssinian front.)

News from the Blumenfelds in Lima. — Long woeful letter from Lissy
Meyerhof. (Berthold in New York without a job.) I want to answer all of
them before beginning the new chapter.

June 29, Wednesday

34 years— we could have a twelve-year-old grandson; we said to each
other: Thank God, at least not that! And I think of the line from some mod-
em French writer: Les enfants, c'est pour les femmes malheureuses. And

add: et pour les hommes malheureux.

We had a very quiet day, since the car had to be put in for general re-
pairs after all (which means at least three months of installments and cor-
responding hardship). But it is our last little piece of freedom. We spent
the morning filling out forms: Inventory of Assets of Jews. We had nothing
to declare. The house at 22,OOOM, of which 12,000 is the mortgage, the
Iduna at 15,000M, which is encumbered by debts of 9,000 (and how we
shall go on paying is a mystery). What is the point of this inventory? We
are so accustomed to living without rights and to waiting apathetically for
further disgraceful acts, that it hardly upsets us anymore.

June 30, Thursday

The last longer excursion before the jalopy gave out completely was on
June 19 to Augustusburg near Chemnitz, there via Freiberg, Floha, back via
Frankenberg, autobahn, about 90 miles, left the house at three, back at nine
for supper. Augustusburg, to which we have been tempted to go for years
by a picture at Central station, is downright imposing. A mighty fortress
high above a wide plain, visible from far off, partly reminiscent of Frauen-
stein, partly of Nossen. At the foot of the hill an old small town, itself still
high enough above the plain. Fairground bustle again of course. It is no-
ticeable that, everywhere and always— we have passed through so many

JULY 1938

261

places in the last few months— again and again and not only on Sundays:
festivals and flags. Fairs, marksmen's and regimental meetings, sports
meeting of an SA unit, 600th, 625th, 650th, etc., etc. anniversary of a town,
mining anniversary (in Freiberg recently with traditional costumes), etc.,
etc. Always festivals, community of the people. Third Reich, flags, flags,
flags. Apathy, revulsion, thought must come. Always the exact analogy
with Rousseau and the conditions at that time. — Maria Kube, the Wendish
maid, the wife of the harp maker, visited us. A gentle, very pretty, very
good-natured creature. She talked very calmly, but passionately about
Catholic affairs. Complete mood of martyrdom, things as if from other cen-
turies and distant lands, here in Dresden and around Dresden. Priests im-
prisoned, priests expelled from the pulpit, the congregation— "except for
two" — follows him, he celebrates mass in his garden. Catholic schools
closed, it is forbidden to give children's names to the parish office. [ . . . ]

I recently jotted down: Hitler, National Socialism despise the "intelli-
gentsia," scholarship, insofar as they do not produce any technological
benefits. — Vossler, Kroner, Janentzky despise the whole of the natural sci-
ences and technology. How incredibly easy it is for these simplistic na-
tures. But whoever is not simplistic and not "fanatical"— is "liberalistic."

For the last two weeks continual reading for the chapter "A Less Re-
strained Theater."

July 12, Tuesday, Eva's birthday

I find it very difficult to display the requisite festive mood: The day re-
minds us all too strongly of the wretchedness of our situation, and I am
sorely in need of the tenacity of hope, which I postulated yesterday in the
birthday letter to the Blumenfelds. Lissy Meyerhof writes that Berthold
has found work in the United States; Frau Schaps writes of her children
settling down in London and of contact made with Isakowitz the dentist.
All these people have made new lives for themselves— but I have not suc-
ceeded in doing so, we have been left behind in disgrace and penury, in
some degree buried alive, buried up to the neck so to speak and waiting
from day to day for the last shovelfuls.

But whining, to say nothing of entering my complaints in the diary, is a
waste of time. The first overview section of the "Less Restrained Theater"
section (now the beginning of the fourth volume, after I have at last found
a way of structuring the book: Volume III, The Influence of Rousseau:
Growth and Connections; Volume IV, The Influence of Rousseau: The
Central Literature — I could hardly call Volume III "Marginal Literature"
when it contains Andre Chenier and the studies of English, German and
Ancient literature and only now did I really have the feeling of getting to
the heart of the matter, and I was reluctant to present the whole mass of
material as a single book) — so this little part is finished, and now I see that
I have ended up repeatedly and flagrantly contradicting the first volume.

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I have simply been working on the whole thing for too many years now,
have learned more and have forgotten much that I wrote more carelessly
and mechanically at first. If I really do ever finish the whole thing one day,

I think it will need weeks, months of touching up and harmonization. In
the first volume I still find grand words to acknowledge that tragedy dies
with Voltaire; in the second volume my scholarship solemnly demon-
strates the opposite!

Anti-Semitism again greatly increased. I wrote to the Blumenfelds
about the declaration of Jewish assets. In addition to the ban on practicing
certain trades, yellow visitor's cards for baths. The ideology also rages
with a more scientific touch. The Academic Society for Research into
Jewry is meeting in Munich; a professor (German university professor)
identifies the traits etemels of Jews: cruelty, hatred, violent emotion,
adaptability— another sees "ancient Asiatic hate flickering in Harden's
and Rathenau's eyes." The Psychological Association is meeting some-
where else, and Jaensch condemns the materialistic psychology of the
Jews, especially of Freud, and contrasts it with the spirituality of the new
theory. And it goes without saying that, at the opening of exhibitions of
German art in Munich, Hitler, etc. recite their familiar slogans.

[ . . . ] On Sunday a slow drive, with many stops, along the right bank of
the Elbe to Meissen. There for the first time the new Elbe road outside the
town and below the castle. Here a curious (monastery?) ruin, in which
there is now a nursery garden. Much life on the river: rowing competitions,
a police motorboat, a speedboat racing along, steamers, Elbe barges. On the
way back, a friendly young man, so tired he was swaying on his feet, asked
me to give him a lift to Dresden. He was from Tetschen, "Sudeten Ger-
man," showed a Sudeten Deutsche Partei membership card, he had
wanted to go to Hamburg, to find work on merchant ships; had not been
successful, got neither lodgings nor food. He was going back to his mother
in Tetschen. We were in a real quandary; as I said, the boy made a good im-
pression and we felt sorry for him. On the other hand: whatever we gave
him, we were giving it to the most merciless deadly enemy. We chose a
middle course, drove him to Dresden railway station, the Travelers' Aid or
the Frauenschaft or some other organization of the National Community can
take care of him there. On the way he told us in all innocence how his de-
ceased father and even his grandfather had been National Socialists, and
how not a single Social Democrat works in their German factory, and how
the "Heller yid" (that was the owner of the large clothes shop) had spat and
said: "Someone should put a bullet through Hitler's head!

We are expecting Annemarie tonight. Yesterday the cinema and a sack
of cement, today a tongue for the evening — that is all there is to the birth-
day celebration. Our finances will be in a somewhat better state in August,
and we want to have a belated celebration then.

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263

I wrote to Grete [ . . . ] telling her about the unfortunate repairs and
today she offered me 200M; I declined, I would turn to her if "the worst
came to the worst," we were "struggling" at the moment, but still getting
by. Perhaps this feeling of shame was a foolish and untimely luxury.

July 27, Wednesday

Rock-bottom days. It is absurd to go on hoping for a change. They are so
firmly in the saddle, in Germany people are content, abroad they're keep-
ing their heads down. Now England is intervening in Czechoslovakia on
behalf of the Sudeten Germans. Today the Sturmer carries the headline:
"Synagogues are dens of thieves." Underneath: "The Shame of Niimberg"
and a picture of the synagogue there. 1938 in the middle of Europe. — In
the course of the last few days racial theory and anti-Semitism have been
officially instituted in Italy as well.

[...]

We had planned to go to Bautzen last Sunday, the twenty-fourth: Past
the Weisser Hirsch, a couple of hundred yards from a gas station but far
below it, the car breaks down [...]. A lot of fiddling around, gasoline in-
jections in the carburetor. Brisk pace after that (overheating). A good two
hours lost, so only a little excursion, side roads to Radeberg, back via Heide-
rniihle. Again and again: the beautiful landscape around Dresden. But the
loathsome figures at the Weisser Hirsch [literally. White Stag]: "The Stag
chases away the Jews." And here the most friendly assistance, and any
payment declined.

August 10, Wednesday

Frau Lehmann announced she was coming to visit on Friday evening, July
15: She just had to convey birthday wishes to Eva. She came late in the
evening, all worked up. She had wanted to wait for complete darkness
and slip in unnoticed, but there had still been someone or other on the
street and she had been afraid. She did not realize how terribly that de-
pressed us; her fear was undoubtedly the fear of all "comrades of the peo-
ple." In recent days I have been very bitterly reminded of Frau Lehmann's
visit. Grete wants to go to Kudowa next Sunday; she invited us to pick her
up in Strausberg, drive to Kudowa, and take her back to Strausberg four
weeks later. Such an extended trip would have done us both so much
good. But it was impossible: We now have no one to look after house and
cat, we are completely isolated. Vogel, the grocer, suggested we should
use a private security company. And if the people look at my notes? There
is spying everywhere. In their advertisements the company takes pride,
inter alia, in having uncovered a number of cases of "racial shame."

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The enforced no to Grete hit us all the harder because we are very much
down for a combination of reasons. For something like three weeks con-
stant wearying sticky heat. For weeks now, and with no foreseeable end in
sight, lack of money, which makes everything more difficult. For weeks in-
tensified Jew-baiting again and drastic new measures all the time. From
October 1 all Jewish doctors have been struck from the Medical Register,
nor are they allowed to practice as "healers"; so they can starve. An iden-
tity card for Jews is being introduced at the same time. One will certainly
not be allowed to stay in a hotel with one. Prisoners therefore. [ . . . ] In for-
eign policy everything remains unchanged. Extreme tension everywhere
and fear of war everywhere.

That I view my Dix-huitieme with ever greater despondency and bore-
dom is no doubt related to the general feeling of disgust. For about two
weeks I have been reading for the Beaumarchais section. I find the man
less significant literarily than I had expected, but must nevertheless give
him a prominent place.

After we had worked our way through the four volumes of the very im-
portant and very uneven War and Peace in eighty days, I read out Fallada s
inflation novel. Wolf unter Wolfen [Wolf among Wolves] in a very short
time. [ . . . ]

August 24, Wednesday

The Beaumarchais section, almost eight manuscript pages, was not fin-
ished until midday today. It gives me very little satisfaction. The factors
impeding me, which I mentioned two weeks ago, continue to have their
effect. Only the heat has turned into wet, cold weather, and the money dif-
ficulties are a little worse than before.

The excursions of recent weeks, only rarely undertaken, usually on
Sundays, were first of all to Bautzen. We headed there no less than four
times, varying the route slightly. [ • • • ] Then two drives to Hinterherms-
dorf, on August 14 and 22. The landscape was simply magnificent. Hrn-
terhermsdorf, Vogel's summer retreat, 13 miles beyond Schandau, close
by the border with Bohemia, high above the Kimitzschtal. The Konig-
stein-Schandau stretch; the Kimitzschtal itself, the impressive panoramic
view from high up in Hinterhermsdorf are quite unforgettably beautiful,
the newly improved wide road from Pima to Konigstein makes for splen-
did driving, the view of the fortress of Konigstein from a wide crossroads
in the forest in itself makes the drive worthwhile. How beautiful Germany
would be if one could still feel German and feel proud as a German. (Only
five minutes ago I read the just published law on Jewish forenames. It
would make one laugh, if it were not enough to make one lose one's rea-
son. Most of the new names are not Old Testament ones, but curious-
sounding Yiddish or ghetto ones. [ . . . ] I myself have to notify the registry
offices in Landsberg and Berlin, as well as the town hall in Dolzschen, that

AUGUST 1938

265

my name is Victor-Israel, and have to sign business letters accordingly. I
still have to establish whether Eva-Sara is a possibility for Eva.) It was
only the second drive, the day before yesterday, begun following after-
noon coffee, ending with supper in the restaurant of the central market
halls, that provided complete pleasure; the first was marred because we
lost our way between Pima and Konigstein, strayed up and down very
difficult and really quite dangerous tracks, wasted time and strained our
nerves and were offered a coffee in Schandau that was as revolting as it
was expensive. But what does "complete pleasure" mean now? One con-
stantly has the pressure and the feeling of disgust in one's soul and es-
capes it only for minutes at a time. And new baseness is being devised all
the time. [ . . . ]

Wolf entrusted our speedometer for repair to Bronnetz in the narrow
Palm Strasse, close by Freiberger Platz, and I, or we, have been there
countless times. Bronnetz is a precision engineer and a specialist in these
things, a Bavarian of about 50 years of age. He is rarely at home, usually in
one of the three small nearby pubs. He speaks in dialect, is very engaging
and not at all grasping, he acts up "the original Bavarian," he rails against
the government, in every register: He had stood by his "fellow country-
man," Hitler, from the very start, his SA membership number was 2000,
and now he had been thrown out of the Party because there had been "a
Jew in his family 400 years ago." [ . . . ] there was no justice anymore, etc.,
etc. All very interesting, but with all of that I finally had to give up getting
the instrument repaired by him. When I drive at 40 mph the speedometer
invariably indicates 14, and it has stayed that way despite all the fiddling
around.

For Eva's birthday, Annemarie Kohler gave her The Barrings , a novel of
an East Prussian family set in Bismarck's rime (I would have preferred the
money, but one cannot say that to her). I only read out the beginning.

But whatever I work at, do, think, the terrible pressure of the situation
is always there. So very often a verse goes through my head, which I heard
Father say a thousand times: "I would that it were time to sleep and every-
thing were done." I always laughed about it, because Father clung so very
fearfully to life. Now I know that it is possible to cling so very fearfully to
life and simultaneously quote the verse with complete conviction and
honesty. Only, I have more reason to quote it than Father ever could have
had. He may have suffered from financial difficulties in his early days (but
hardly at all in the last twenty years of his life), but he never experienced
such a fall and such a depression as I do now.

A little while ago I noted down: To write classically means to write sim-
ply. Without affectation, so not too simply either, because that is an affec-
tation. Also not to deviate from the use of language of one's own time, for
example write today in the German of Goethe, because that would again
be an affectation. But also not to confuse the language of the time with

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"topical" language, because everything topical is already out of date to-
morrow. Here I am always reminded of the pointed booths opposite the
Great Garden at the beginning of the twenties. In the first year their Ex-
pressionism impressed me, the next year they already looked awful. One
always has a choice between what is topical and what is enduring, one
cannot have both together.

I so rarely set aside a couple of hours for the diary now that as a result
everything has to be got down on paper jumbled together and as briefly as
possible.

Tomorrow the typed copy of the Beaumarchais. I go on working at the
Dix-huiti&me out of pure obstinacy and without any hope or illusion. I,
Victor-Israel Klemperer.

A couple of weeks ago the Niimberg synagogue, on which I reported
on July 27, was "solemnly" demolished under Streicher's supervision.

I have heard nothing for weeks from Marta, from Grete, from Suss-
mann — the silence around me is frightening.

September 2, Friday

Eva's "Little Russians," the handmade cigarettes. Isakowitz had recom-
mended Weinstein, the ghetto man to us; after his death a Jewish shop in
the city center wrote to me; after it was "Aryanized" I got the cigarettes in
a little shop in the Plauenschen Gasse, then the woman there told me she
could no longer obtain them. Vogel, the grocer, ferreted out "Factory
Beresin's Widow" for me, and I went there. Flat three flights up in a tene-
ment house, but a proper little business. An ancient woman, who speaks
only a few broken scraps of German, a man in his forties (son? em-
ployee?), intelligent, agreeable. He said some firms were still being sup-
plied and hoped to pull through. Russian Jews. A few days ago he brought
me 500, and will now do that every four weeks; we talked for a very long
time, i.e., he talked, mainly politics, not entirely uneducated, evidently
with a great deal of knowledge from foreign newspapers and radio sta-
tions. He was at once optimistic and pessimistic. There would be no war
now, Germany and Italy could not wage it, they lacked money, they lacked
gasoline. It was inevitable that there would be internal collapse here this
winter, the Stock Exchange was in a constant state of panic, by October in-
dustry will be unable to pay wages — and then that would be followed by
chaos, and the situation for Jews was desperate under any circumstances.

I no longer believe in these predictions of collapse. I see how much the
foreign powers court Germany, how they try to conciliate it in the Sudeten
affair, everywhere here I see pomp, amusement, people eating their fill,
complete calm. The man also said that Mussolini had been forced to take
action against the Jews by Germany, which finances him. Yet another
proof of Germany's power, because it is inconceivable that Mussolini feels
at ease with this new — new for Italy — business. He would not join in if he

SEPTEMBER 1938

267

did not rely on Germany and therefore had to, whereas even a short time
ago, Germany seemed to be dependent on him. I am gradually beginning
to believe as firmly in the unshakability of the NSDAP as if I were a sworn
supporter . . . Thus are our hearts very dejected, each day a little more.

Monotonous life. Few excursions; partly lack of money, partly the car
frequently breaking down.

September 11, Sunday

For the third time Georg has remitted 500M to me from the blocked ac-
count "of the deceased Frau Maria Kl." My joy is already no longer as
great as the first two times. Because this time I was almost counting on the
sum. Also it is only a very partial help; also I feel more humiliated than be-
fore, since he has not written me a single line since October and replied
neither to my letter of condolence nor to my birthday greetings. Never-
theless the sum (which by the way I do not yet have in my hands, and no
one knows what is going to happen tomorrow, everything is uncertain
and every hour may bring new coercive measures and war), so neverthe-
less the money is a great relief to me at the moment. Eva was always
preaching: Let the Ohlmanns come here during their holiday, then we can
go for a trip with Grete. I had vacillated, the Ohlmanns' holiday came to
an end, and Grete took the train to Kudowa. In view of the 500M we an-
nounced our visit to the Ohlmanns and drove to Leipzig yesterday. Luck
with the weather and a very successful drive via Niederwartha, Meissen
[...]. New rest house in Lonnewitz. Village just before Oschatz, "Long
Distance Lorry Drivers' Restaurant." The huge vehicles outside, the huge
portions inside. The Party Rally was coming over the loudspeaker. An-
nouncement, the arrival of Field Marshal Goering. Introductory march,
roars of triumph, then Goering's speech, about the tremendous rise, afflu-
ence, peace and workers' good fortune in Germany, about the absurd lies
and hopes of its enemies, constantly interrupted by well-drilled roars of
applause. But the most interesting thing about it all was the behavior of
the customers, who all came and went, greeting and taking their leave
with "Heil Hitler." But no one was listening. I could barely understand the
broadcast because a couple of people were playing cards, striking the
table with loud thumps, talking very loudly. It was quieter at other tables.
One man was writing a postcard, one was writing in his order book, one
was reading the newspaper. And landlady and waitress were talking to
each other or to the cardplayers. Truly: Not one of a dozen people paid at-
tention to the radio for even a single second, it could just as well have been
transmitting silence or a foxtrot from Leipzig.

At the Ohlmanns' by two and then like the last time in early spring cof-
fee and conversation in her little room until six. According to Trude
Ohlmann's stories from the Deutsche Biicherei, where they get a great
deal of official information, war is virtually certain. The air-raid precau-

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

tions (we too have just had several practices, blackout, sirens), the prepa-
rations for mobilization all point to it. Mood of the public, of the workers
in particular, is bad. If I talk to the butcher or the butter man here in Dres-
den, then there will certainly be peace, but if (as the day before yesterday)
I listen to Wolf, the car man, then so many of his mates have been fetched
straight from work to the army again: “Things are coming to a head now!"
If I read the newspaper, see and hear the film reports, then we're doing
soooo well, we love the Fuhrer soo much and sooo imanimously— what is
real, what is happening? That's how one experiences history. We know
even less about today than about yesterday and no more than about to-
morrow. [ . . . ]

September 20, Tuesday

The Third Reich will win again— whether by bluff or by force. Perhaps so
overwhelming that it does not even need to fight? Chamberlain flies to
Hitler for the second time tomorrow. England and France remain calm, in
Dresden the Sudeten German "Freikorps" is almost ready to invade. And
the populace here is convinced that the Czechs alone are to blame and that
Hitler loves peace [...].

Don't think about it, live one's life, bury oneself in the most private
matters! Fine resolution, but so difficult to keep. Nevertheless: the manu-
script of Bemardin Saint-Pierre was finished today after disproportion-
ately long and difficult work. — A little bit of driving, unfortunately
repeatedly interrupted by a whole mass of necessary repairs. Recently we
were in Freital for three hours with Wolf, who fitted a new (secondhand)
mudguard. It then turned out that the spare wheel is completely useless;
it was quite certainly deceitfully switched at Kleemann s repair shop, but
that can no longer be proved. A large part of the money Georg gave us is
spent on these repairs and yet the car runs more badly every day. [ • • • ]

October 2, Sunday

Yet again extreme excitement and hope of an end. Godesberg appeared fu-
tile, ultimatum to Czechoslovakia for October 1, expectation of war in
France and England. At midday on the thirtieth we drove to the dentist.
Machine guns at the Elbe bridge. I thought: War this evening. Perhaps our
death in a pogrom— but the end. I dropped Eva at Eichler's and drove to
Bismarckplatz, where I usually park, to do some shopping. A gentleman
called out to me. Aron. "We saw you in the car recently, we thought you
had left long ago, you are neither in the telephone book nor in the direc-
tory. My wife and Neumann would like to drop in on you some time.
(???) Then of course politics. I: Now there would probably be a terrible end
to things, for us and them. He: Did I not have a radio? — ? — After a sec-

OCTOBER 1938

269

ond threatening telegram from Roosevelt, after full mobilization of France
and England, he had given way. Four-power meeting today [September
29] at three in Munich. Czechoslovakia continues to exist, Germany gets
the Sudetenland, probably a colony as well. — Everything else will be in
the history books. For my diary only this is interesting: For the populace
on the front pages of the German press it is of course the absolute success
of Hitler, the prince of peace and brilliant diplomat. And truly it is indeed
an unimaginably huge success. No shot is fired, and the troops have been
marching in since yesterday. Wishes for peace and friendship have been
exchanged with England and France, Russia is cowering and silent, a zero.
Hitler is being acclaimed even more extravagantly than in the Austria
business. Yesterday's headline in the Dresdener NN: "The nation of eighty
million greets its great Leader." And something tremendous really has
been achieved. But we are now condemned to be Negro slaves, to be liter-
ally pariahs until our end. For half a day I thought, now one must find the
courage for suicide. Then the old state of mind returned: apathy, waiting
to see what happens, Johanna Kruger's observation: "You still have so
much, the will to live, and hope too once again. Every hour can bring
change, every hour in which one is still alive." But when little Muschel
wakes me up in the night and I cannot fall asleep again immediately, then
it's terrible. Nevertheless: on I go, and no thought of the next morning.

Bemardin de Saint-Pierre is completely over and done with. After a
whole month. On I go.

500M have come from Georg. That will make the winter easier. It is im-
possible and pointless to carry on with the life insurance; we shall spend
nothing of this 500 on it. The mortgage runs for another three and a half
years. Don't think about what happens then. And what will happen to Eva
when I die — with a widow's pension of perhaps 200M? And what would
happen to her if she received the still remaining 4,700, instead of the 1,000
or so if we stop paying now? I think that either way her fate will be that of
the Indian widow. Am I without a conscience, should we rather do without
every kind of relaxation and keep up the insurance? Or are we doing the
right thing to make life more agreeable now? Don't think about it— on I go.

During the last few weeks we twice saw Doctor Margarete Gump, a
likeable Swabian woman, employed at the Philanthropin, visiting her sis-
ter here and recommended to us by Albert Hirsch. We went for a drive
with her: Edle Krone, Dippoldiswalde (the beautiful view from the top!),
Kipsdorf, took her back to Blasewitz, where she is staying, ate at the cen-
tral market hall. On her first visit she said: "Why don't you learn English?
You've got the time!" I spent two mornings reading the old Gesenius En-
glish grammar, my opus was at a standstill. Then it looked as if war were
imminent: I threw myself at the book again (correcting the Bemardin,
reading Florian by Saillard, which I received from Gottingen). Then the
German triumph. Until now I have stuck with the Dix-huiti£me. What-
ever I do, my conscience is troubled. What is the value of my opus? What
value does learning English have? I could always brush it up in six weeks

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if any prospect of being able to get away turns up. But perhaps I am mak-
ing excuses to myself. Then again — I could go back and forth over things
for hours.

I sometimes think my heart is in such a poor state that it makes no dif-
ference at all how I spend the rest of my time. Sometimes: perhaps it's just
neuralgia. Sometimes: the book is just thrown together and crap, some-
times: my best work, my God-given task. On I go.

I have just brought my diary entries up to date because tomorrow — dif-
ficult decision, horrible back and forth, for and against— we are driving to
see Grete in Strausberg. We get away from here for a couple of days — but
where do we end up? Klaus Ohlmann was not allowed to leave Leipzig
because of the risk of war, the Wolf family (the mechanic in Freital) will
now look after the house and cat here.

October 5, Wednesday, toward evening

On Sunday, as I was dusting, I was overcome by horror at the trip to Straus-
berg. That we should let the Wolfs in here, into this very bohemianized
household (the inches of dust), the intimacy that would inevitably follow,
then inevitably come to an end a la Lange (who disappeared at Christmas
with 5M and a last broken promise): That did it for me. I wrote a note. In
the afternoon we drove to the Wolfs in order, as had been arranged, to let
them know our plans. They were not at home, contrary to the agreed
arrangement. Thus our decision was confirmed as the right one.

Then a pathetic postcard arrived from Grete. Bitterness, no more invi-
tations, forbidden "on pain of a heavy punishment to send birthday greet-
ings." She will be seventy tomorrow. Thereupon we both spontaneously,
each on his own, made a new plan. Muschel can be provided with food for
36 hours. We shall drive to Strausberg tomorrow and back on Friday. An
evening, one morning with Grete, two days driving: so everyone will be
happy, and unpleasantness can be largely avoided. [ . . . ]

On Monday at the Capitol Sudermann's Heimat. [ . . . ] In the newsreel
the meeting in Munich, Marseillaise as Daladier's aircraft lands, part of
Hitler's latest bellicose speech, Sudetenland scenes. Very loud applause
again. A burden has evidently been lifted from everyone's soul. It is im-
possible to say what still threatens the Third Reich internally or externally.
Munich is Hitler's Austerlitz.

October 9, Sunday

My birthday. Naturally the most awful mood, made worse by the letters
received, which are without exception gloomy. The most tragic one from

OCTOBER 1938

271

Sussmann: without a job since October 1, Kathe in an American sanato-
rium for months without any improvement; Lotte in Switzerland, not as
an assistant doctor, but suffering a nervous breakdown and pneumonia
and admitted as a patient to the very hospital in which she was supposed
to take up a post. But the man has his faith; he thanks me for my criticism
of his text; it helped him to remove a final logical mistake! If he now sends
me the "corrected" version, I shall probably agree with it, I shall have this
lie on my scholarly conscience. — Every person's thinking faculty be-
comes detached on some point or other: Marta, otherwise quite discerning
in literary matters, thinks her youngest son's travel letter is accomplished;
Sussmann, with his education in philosophy, thinks his study of religion is
good and convincing. When shall I reach that point of self-delusion, or in
which respect am I already at that point? (How at ease I would be, if I were
at that point with respect to my Dix-huitieme!)

All the Judeans write delightedly about the peace that has been pre-
served (Frau Schaps, Lissy Meyerhof); they do not see that our fate is
thereby sealed. Otherwise it would perhaps have been the death of us; this
way our Negro slavery has been made eternal. Only Grete thinks the way
we do.

So we were in Strausberg with Grete. [ . . . ] The surprise went off well.
Grete was in bed with bad myositis, suffering considerable pain, but was
evidently very delighted to see us, did not look all that poorly and was
soon very animated. We got supper and talked with her for hours. Her po-
litical judgment speaks for her intellectual alertness; likewise her literary
interests. (We brought her a consignment of books again and took the pre-
vious one back.) But Grete's age is noticeable nevertheless. She tells the
same story in the same words for the umpteenth time [...]. Every person
probably has a few details in his mind, emotionally loaded trifles, which
overshadow everything else. With Grete it is the story of how on a journey
Father ordered a chocolate for himself and only a glass of beer for her, a girl
of about fifteen. The antipathy to Father gradually intensifying into hate in-
creasingly preoccupies her. (I also remember the apple cake, which he ate
by himself, to accompany his pills, while everyone else watched.) The
chapter "Father, Daughter, Sons" will be a very important one in my Life.

Grete had a very world-weary letter from Georg. (He has not yet writ-
ten to me; I shall have to thank him for the 500M, which has been tossed to
me like an unwrapped bone — and are unfortunately much more impor-
tant than the wrapping.) The Kemleins continue to be very friendly to
Grete, take the Jew-baiting as something given, do not allow themselves to
be upset by it, aie quite unpolitical and yet evidently delighted with con-
ditions in Germany: pomp, order, peace. The old man, a war veteran, is
completely convinced that, if it had come to it, Germany would have been
victorious against the whole world (the biggest army in the world, the best
air defense in the world, the best fortifications in the world, etc., etc.), that
Hitler is the greatest statesman and has saved Germany from Russia. And

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

that is certainly the opinion of 79'A million Germans. — Grete told us
ghastly things about the treatment of Jews in Bad Kudowa. The next
morning breakfast, afterward lunch in her room, by her bed, in between
only a few minutes on the road outside. I took 20M from Grete "for gaso-
line," and so my travel costs are only a couple of marks.

Set out on the return trip at one o'clock very exhausted. [ . . . ] Home at
ten. Grete had given me her favorite Jeremias Gotthelf, and I read out a
few pages [...]. On the whole this 36-hour excursion went well, also
helped by the weather. So that was October 6-7. [ . . . ]

Whatever may happen politically, inwardly I am definitively changed.
No one can take my Germanness away from me, but my nationalism and
patriotism are gone forever. My thinking is now completely a Voltairean
cosmopolitanism. Every national circumscription appears barbarous to
me. A united states of the world, a united world economy. This has
nothing to do with cultural uniformity and certainly nothing at all to do
with Communism. Voltaire and Montesquieu are more than ever my es-
sential guides.

November 22

First of all it was probably the desire to get a little bit further with my work
before I made another diary entry, and then misfortune followed misfor-
tune, one could say: catastrophe. First illness, then the car accident, then,
following the Grunspan shooting business in Paris, there came persecu-
tion, and since then the struggle to emigrate. So first of all in the middle of
October an ordinary influenza. Following that a quite unfamiliar bladder
complaint, ever more horrid aneurysm, and no doctor here to whom I
could turn. On October 26, when it had become completely unbearable, I
wrote two brief postcards to Marta and Sussmann, and on the twenty-
seventh we drove to Berlin again.

November 25

(I completely lack the peace of mind to write.) The journey there in beau-
tiful foggy autumn weather with stops in Elsterwerda and Jiiterbog was
uneventful. This time we found a straight road from the south through the
suburbs— Zehlendorf was probably the last stage, everything runs into
everything else, villas, parklike bits of woodland, wide avenues — and
reached Kudowastrasse in the suburb of Grunewald without touching
Berlin itself. In addition to the Jelskis, Sussmann himself was waiting for
us. His house is being watched so that no one can go to him during con-
sulting hours (but the Spanish lessons he gives seem to be dispensed to his
old patients). He examined me after coffee and was rather shocked. He

NOVEMBER 1938

273

came again after supper and brought a catheter with him, secretly, as
priests brought the sacrament during the French Revolution. I was
catheterized for the first time in my life; it was not nice, and what was
brought to light looked altogether unlovely and pretty bloody Sussman
explained that I was in urgent need of longer treatment, possibly in a hos-
pital bed. We spent the night at the Jelskis in a very depressed mood, es-
pecially as the evening before very unpleasant things had been reported
from the concentration camp near Weimar (Buchenwald, I think). The next
morning, Friday, the twenty-eighth, Sussmann appeared again. We agreed
that I should drive back immediately and see Dressel for treatment at the
Pima clinic that very afternoon. But I must at all costs say nothing about
Sussmann having treated me already, if necessary I should mention Jakob,
the licensed Jewish medical assessor. At ten therefore a hurried drive
straight back, again in fine autumn weather. (Sussmann, for whom things
are going badly enough, had offered financial help if the need arose.) In
Jiiterbog we ate lunch together, my first lunch for a long time, and also
had our coffee quickly in Cafe Blomberg; I was feeling a little better, our
mood was quite elated, we wanted to be in Dolzschen by five, after that I
would drive to Pima immediately. A few miles past Elsterwerda at the vil-
lage of Weinberge, smooth road, a side road intersecting, a motorcyclist
wants to cross and does not stop. I become nervous, brake, the car imme-
diately skids sideways. A second less of fear than an irritating and fatalis-
tic anticipation (fortunately the braking got no harder). Behind me I hear
only Eva's likewise somewhat irritated "Well!," the car rolls over the em-
bankment, and with a jolt I am lying on my back in the field close by the
car, my face stinging. Quite instinctively — vile Nature — I call out: I am not
injured! and jump up. I see Eva standing on the other side of the car, bent
over, her hands covering her face, blood running down. I run to her, a cou-
ple of women are there already: Lie down! She, completely calm in voice
and manner, demurs, it is only a nosebleed, she had bumped against the
front headrest. The motorcyclist is there, shouting defensively: You braked
quite unnecessarily. Someone asks: Shall I call a doctor? — Yes — Just then a
car halts, a young man gets out, immediately stretches out his hand to feel
Eva's nose. Are you a doctor? — Yes, nothing is broken. It doesn't appear to
be anything more than a nosebleed. — A friendly first aid woman has
turned up and dabs at my grazed chin. I to the doctor: I'm ill, I must be
catheterized today. — I'll take you in my car, I have only one more visit to
make here. — His chauffeur helps us into his car, our belongings are left
lying there. In Elsterwerda a large clinic, a nurse, the young man is substi-
tuting for the doctor who had been called, but who is on holiday. The
nurse takes over Eva; I have to get on the operating table for the catheter.
I tell the doctor I am not Aryan — medical assessor in Berlin. He deals with
me quickly and is already gone. The nurse writes out a bill: Professor
Klemm (sic), Dresden, car accident and catheterization: 8M. Half an hour
later — the doctor had told me: Take the train, don't drive yourself. You are

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

badly shaken — we are at a repair shop. The man takes his tow truck and
two assistants, we drive to the scene of the accident. A little knot of people,
no police, darkness. The car has literally to be dug out of the field. The en-
gine is intact. But some oil has run out, the steering wheel has been tom
away — the spokes are still there — the hood is stuck, one door is hanging
loose. The door is secured with string, the hood is half open, half shut. Will
I get to Dresden like this? (A little less than 40 miles. — If you think you
are capable of it, drive slowly and don't run into any police, perhaps, it's
hardly something I would advise you to do. — It is pitch dark, about six
o'clock, it's raining, we drive off. A little filling station beside a lonely inn.
I drive past the point that's lit up, leave the car in the dark, ask for a quart
of oil inside. — Can't you move back into the light? — There's no need to
go backward. Here's my pocket lamp, pour it in. — Drove on, feeling at
once half dazed and half gripped by convulsive energy. We get safely
through Grossenhain, reach Meissen at last, park the car in a dark spot
with the parking light on, eat in the station waiting room, continue on the
left bank, where there is less traffic, and where we do not need to go
through Dresden first. Very difficult to steer with the spokes alone. Really
at home at ten, in bed an hour later. The next morning Eva very swollen,
including the left eye, otherwise quite cheerful, myself in a very bad way.
Telegram to Wolf. He appears that same evening and brings back the
patched car on Tuesday. He gets 35M, the recovery man got 10M — thus far
we got off quite lightly or appeared to do so. But two weeks later Eva has
trouble with her eyes. Old von Pflugk is away; to Best who meanwhile
wears the Party badge, but examines carefully. Slight damage to the vitre-
ous body, no movement of the head for three weeks, little reading, drops,
then come again.

That was on November 15. Since then the eye has not got worse, but
also only marginally better. And Eva needs the physical work, and the
house needs her labor, and I have a great deal of housework, and I read to
her for hours during the day as well. And the other disaster came in the
middle of all this.

My bladder problem has almost cleared up, but not entirely. On the Sat-
urday I went by bus to see Dressel (Annemarie was in Leipzig), told him
everything. He is sympathetic — but he is evidently afraid, and that is
probably the state of mind of most intellectuals. He gave me a thorough
examination and gave me some medicine. After that my condition gradu-
ally improved up to a certain point; the inflammation is not completely
gone, but at least the functional disorder has not come back.

By the time I returned to Pima about a week and a half later the
Griinspan affair had supervened. Before I went I had just heard from
Natscheff that the night before the synagogue here had been "sponta-
neously" burned to the ground and Jewish windows smashed. I do not
need to describe the historic events of the following days, the acts of vio-
lence, our depression. Only the immediately personal and what concretely
affected us.

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275

November 27

On the morning of the eleventh two policemen accompanied by a "resi-
dent of Dolzschen." Did I have any weapons? — Certainly my saber, per-
haps even my bayonet as a war memento, but I wouldn't know where. —
We have to help you find it. — The house was searched for hours. At the
beginning Eva made the mistake of quite innocently telling one of the po-
licemen he should not go through the clean linen cupboard without wash-
ing his hands. The man, considerably affronted, could hardly be calmed
down. A second, younger policeman was more friendly, the civilian was
the worst. Pigsty, etc. We said we had been without domestic help for
months, many things were dusty and still unpacked. They rummaged
through everything, chests and wooden constructions Eva had made were
broken open with an ax. The saber was found in a suitcase in the attic, the
bayonet was not found. Among the books they found a copy of the Sozial-
istische Monatshefte (Socialist Monthly Magazine — an SPD theoretical jour-
nal) [ . . . ] this was also confiscated. At one point when Eva wanted to
fetch one of her tools, the young policeman ran after her; the older one
called out: You are making us suspicious, you are making your situation
worse. At about one o'clock the civilian and the older policeman left the
house, the young one remained and took a statement. He was good-
natured and courteous, I had the feeling he himself found the thing em-
barrassing. In addition he complained about an upset stomach and we
offered him a schnapps, which he declined. Then the three of them ap-
peared to hold a conference in the garden. The young policeman returned:
You must dress and come to the court building at Miinchner Platz with
me. There's nothing to fear, you will probably (!) be back by evening. I
asked whether I was now under arrest. His reply was good-natured and
noncommittal, it was only a war memento after all, I would probably be
released right away. I was allowed to shave (with the door half open), I
slipped Eva some money, and we made our way down to the tram. I was
allowed to walk through the park alone while the policeman wheeled his
bicycle at a distance behind me. We got onto the platform of the number
16, and got off at Miinchner Platz; the policeman kindly covered up the
fact that I was being taken into custody. A wing in the court building: Pub-
lic Prosecutor. A room with clerks and policemen. Sit down. The police-
man had to copy the statement. He took me to a room with a typewriter.
He led me back to the first room. I sat there apathetically. The policeman
said: Perhaps you'll even be home in time for afternoon coffee. A clerk
said: The Public Prosecutor's Office makes the decision. The policeman
disappeared, I continued to sit there apathetically. Then someone called:
Take the man to relieve himself, and someone took me to the lavatory.
Then: To Room X. There: This is the new committals room! More waiting.
After a while a young man with a Party badge appeared, evidently the ex-
amining magistrate. You are Professor Klemperer? You can go. But first of
all a certificate of discharge has to be made out, otherwise the police in

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Freital will think you have escaped and arrest you again. He returned im-
mediately, he had telephoned, I could go. At the exit of the wing, by the
first room into which I had been led, a clerk rushed toward me: Where do
you think you're going? I said: Home, and calmly stood there. They tele-
phoned, to verify that I had been released. The examining magistrate had
also replied to my inquiry, that the matter was not being passed on to the
Public Prosecutor. At four o'clock I was on the street again with the curi-
ous feeling, free — but for how long? Since then we have both been un-
ceasingly tormented by the question, go or stay? To go too early, to stay
too late? To go where we have nothing, to remain in this corruption? We
are constantly trying to shed all subjective feelings of disgust, of injured
pride, of frame of mind and only weigh up the concrete facts of the situa-
tion. In the end we shall literally be able to throw dice for pro and contra.
Our first response to events was to think it absolutely necessary to leave
and we started making preparations and inquiries. On Sunday, November
12, the day after my arrest, I wrote urgent SOS letters to Frau Schaps and
Georg. The short letter to Georg began: With a heavy heart, in a quite al-
tered situation, pushed right to the edge, no details: Can you stand surety
for my wife and myself, can you help the two of us over there for a couple
of months? By my own efforts I would surely find some post as a teacher
or in an office. — I telephoned the Arons — the husband had spoken to me
on Bismarckplatz on the day of the Munich Agreement. Herr Aron was
not at home, Frau Aron would receive me at eight in the evening. I drove
there: a wealthy villa in Bemhardstrasse. I learned that he and very many
others with him had been arrested and taken away; at present we still
don't know whether they are in the camp at Weimar or are working on the
fortifications in the West as convicts and hostages.

November 28

Frau Aron advised us in the strongest terms to take immediate steps to
emigrate and to sell the house; everything here is lost, German money is
almost valueless abroad, the mark is worth sixpence halfpenny sterling.
The next day, on Frau Aron's advice, went to the Public Information Office
for Emigrants (the man in charge, a Major Stiibel, is a very decent gentle-
man). In the waiting room a voluptuous, blond Eastern Jewess to a girl: At
police headquarters they sent us away, they didn't know where the men

had been taken The old major said to me: Within these four walls you

can speak your mind. In recent days I have heard a great deal that is very
distressing, in my free moments I walk in the Great Garden in order to
calm myself down. — I set out my situation. I said, a regime that espouses
banditry with such openness, must be in a desperate plight. — He: That is
what every decent German thinks. — What did he advise me to do? — He
could not advise me. — Were the situation to change tomorrow (which I

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277

do not believe), then you would be sorry to have gone. — From his expla-
nations it emerged that they really would let us out stripped and naked
and with seven and a half percent of the proceeds of the house.

December 2

On Sunday, November 13, we drove to Leipzig to see Trude Ohlmann.
Would she be able to take Mujel? — No, he would hardly be able to adapt,
it would be more humane to have him put down. She told us how the SA
had mounted the attack in Leipzig, poured gasoline into the synagogue
and into a Jewish department store, how the fire brigade was allowed to
protect only the surrounding buildings but not fight the fire itself, how the
owner of the department store was then arrested for arson and insurance
fraud. In Leipzig we also learned about the billion-mark fine the German
nation had imposed on the Jews . . . Trude pointed out an open bay win-
dow on the other side of the street. It has been open for days; the people
have been taken away. She wept as we drove off. On the way Eva's nerves
gave way; supper in Meissen did little to help, at home she had a scream-
ing fit.

Then letters came from London, from Frau Schaps and from Friedrich
Salzburg, who, driven out of Italy, is now applying to the USA from En-
gland. One would so much like to help but cannot. They approach De-
muth again and again, who has failed to be of any help to me for three
years. Salzburg wrote, only my brother in the USA could help me.

December 3, Saturday

Today is the Day of German Solidarity. Curfew for Jews from 12 noon until
eight. When at exactly half past eleven I went to the mailbox and to the gro-
cer, where I had to wait, I really felt as if I could not breathe. I cannot bear it
anymore. Yesterday evening an order from the Minister of the Interior: local
authorities are henceforth at liberty to restrict the movement of Jewish driv-
ers both as to time and place. Yesterday afternoon at the library, Striege or
Striegel, who is in charge of the lending section, an old Stahlhelm man of
middling position and years [...]: I should come into the back room with
him. Just as he had announced the reading room ban a year ago, so he now
showed me the complete ban on using the library. The absolute end. But it
was different from a year ago. The man was distressed beyond words, I had
to calm him. He stroked my hand the whole time, he could not hold back
the tears, he stammered: I am boiling over inside ... If only something
would happen tomorrow ... — Why tomorrow? — It's the Day of Solidar-
ity .. . They're collecting . . . One could get at them . . . But not just kill
them — torture, torture, torture . . . They should first of all be made to feel

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what they've done . . . Could I not give my manuscripts to one of the con-
sulates for safekeeping . . . Could I not-get out . . . And could I write a line
for him. — Even before that (I knew nothing about the ban yet) Fraulein
Roth, very pale, had gripped my hand in the catalog room: Could I not get
away, it was the end here, for us too — St. Mark's was set alight even before
the synagogue and the Zion Church was threatened, if it does not change its
name . . . She spoke to me as to a dying man, she took leave of me as if for-
ever. . . . But these few, sympathizing and in despair, are isolated, and they
too are afraid. The developments of the last few days have at least rid us of
inner uncertainty; there is no longer any choice: We must leave. But I have
run ahead in my report. The most important event was Georg's cable on the
twenty-sixth: Assume surety help letter follows Georg. The letter can be ex-
pected about the tenth of December and will be decisive. But with the con-
stant worsening of the situation I want to go to the American consulate with
the telegram as early as Monday (the day after tomorrow).

Frau Schaps had drawn my attention to Edith Aulhom, who works for
the Quakers. I called on her in the beautiful family villa in Liebigstrasse.

[ . . . ] She had already been summoned to the Gestapo and given a warn-
ing many times: Aryan friends of the Jews are always treated worse than
Jews themselves. She wrote to Elsbeth Gunzburger for me, who is a
teacher at the Ecole normale in Sevres. The latter then replied to me im-
mediately [...]. Edith Aulhorn believes that a coup d'etat is relatively
near and that the government is completely finished. But she is very in-
timidated, feels she is being watched. I have heard nothing more from her
directly; Elsbeth Gunzburger refers to her as "Our common friend." [ . • . ]

The Wengler business is extremely mysterious. Last February, when the
bank dawdled in transferring my mortgage payment, a curt and nervous
letter arrived from Ellen Wengler in Leipzig: She threatened, she gave no-
tice of foreclosure as a precaution, she did not address me by name and
signed with German greeting; she justified herself, saying that she now
needed the money because she had been forced to separate from her
brother. At the time I let the bank reply. A few days ago, I wrote to Hein-
rich Wengler to see if he could give me English lessons, after I had repeat-
edly telephoned in vain: There was no ring at the other end. The letter
came back: address unknown; opened by the Reich Post Office in order to
ascertain sender. I imagine: Wengler, always a Communist and idealist
could no longer bear it in the teaching profession; half English on his
mother's side and still in touch with relations there, he will have made for
England. Every day brings new restrictions. Only today, Saturday, De-
cember 3, the newspaper reports ghettoization and limitations on the free
movement of Jews in Berlin. Further stringent measures are promised.
What for? Pure madness? I almost believe, rather, that they want to sub-
due opposition abroad by outdoing themselves with acts of terror.

The terrible thing about the last few weeks is that they have been at
once empty and overcrowded. No possibility of concentrating on any
work. Waiting for terrible news, which always comes. Being kept busy.

DECEMBER 1938

279

Writing to government offices, my Israel (three departments), my identity
card with mug shot, proof of Eva's Aryan identity (X letters to registry of-
fices, churches in East Prussia), consultation with the moving company,
repeated discussions with Annemarie who came here many times (hero-
ism!), who may buy the house, list of published works, eight copies, for
Fraulein Giinzburger. Endless reading aloud by day and by night, since
Eva sleeps badly — her nerves are failing, my heart— and since she must
rest her eye and since reading aloud is still most likely to distract her (ad-
mittedly it is the condemned cats who always keep her company, and that
is dreadful). I think we have never gone through such a hellish time, even
during the war.

December 6, Tuesday

[...]

The last films that we were still allowed to see — the programs have
been lying around here for something like two months or even longer,
were the circus film Fahredes Volk [Wandering Folk] and Die vier Gesellen
[The Four Journeymen], which was meritorious both from the literary and
the acting aspect. [ . . . j

Now I note only the ever more frequent phrase: It is in accordance with
the healthy sense of justice of the people, which is always printed when
some new atrocity is initiated. And that disposes of the contemplative in-
termezzo.

The healthy sense of justice of every German manifested itself yester-
day in a decree from Police Minister Himmler with immediate effect:
withdrawal of driving license from all Jews. Justification: Because of the
Griinspan murder Jews are unreliable, are therefore not allowed to sit at
the wheel, also their being permitted to drive offends the German traffic
community, especially as they have presumptuously made use of the
Reich highways built by German workers' hands. This prohibition hits us
terribly hard. It is now three years exactly since I learned to drive, my
driving license is dated 1/26/36.

I had already heard about the ban on the afternoon of the day before
yesterday from the Arons, who in turn had heard it announced as immi-
nent on Swiss radio. I was at the Arons a second time, to get information
about emigration possibilities and about my property assessment (which
no one at the Tax Office could enlighten me about). It has been announced
that the first installment must be paid on December 15 without waiting for
a bill, and no one can tell me how large my property — purtroppo! — is.
Aron, detained in Buchenwald for several weeks with 11,000 others, come
back sick, prevented from emigrating to Palestine at the last moment, cus-
toms has already put its seal on the furniture, and he cannot raise the 1,000
pounds sterling that is required, even though he is offering 175,000 marks
in German money, is extremely overwrought and pessimistic. He says

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

Georg's surety would be no help at all to me, thousands upon thousands
were applying to immigrate, had already put their names down, I could
wait three years. In Berlin crowds of applicants were camping in front of
the American consulate from six o'clock in the morning until evening just
to be admitted. — We shall just have to wait for Georg's letter, but our
spirits have now sunk even further, and since new Jewish laws come out
nearly every— no, really every day, so our nerves have gone to the dogs.
As for the property assessment, on the other hand, we appear to benefit
from our poverty. According to what Aron and today Rummel from the
Iduna told me, I shall probably be under the 5,000M limit, since the repur-
chase value of the life insurance will now only amount to a couple of hun-
dred marks, and the present value of the house is less than 17,000, of
which 12,000 is the mortgage.

The frightful hints and fragmentary stories from Buchenwald— pledge
of secrecy, and: no one comes back from there a second time, between ten
and twenty people die every day anyway — are awful.

With the library ban I am now literally without work. I have resolved to
really make an attempt at my memoirs. Because I cannot just cram the Lit-
tle Yankee all day either. But for the present all peace of mind is lacking: er-
rands, correspondence, reading aloud, brooding and reading aloud again.

December 15, Thursday

We continue in this simultaneously crushing and stupefying chaos, this
empty and breathless busyness, this absolute uncertainty.

My letter to Georg sets out the facts of the USA— Havana possibility.
The visit to the American consul very amusing. Large, elegantly furnished
offices in Schlossstrasse. After some back and forth received by a younger
black-haired gentleman. Handshake, courtesy. He could not speak a word
of German, called a blond Dr. Dietrich (introduction, handshake) as inter-
preter; then it turned out that the consul spoke Italian — (Maltese, says
Natscheff, whose wife is American)— so there was a curious mixture of
languages. Result: no hope, it is not even possible to register me as a pro-
fessor because for that I would have to have been dismissed for two years
at most, but not as long ago as 1935. I told the story of my saber, etc. Fi-
nally Dr. Dietrich said: Go to Haessel's Travel Agency with a recommen-
dation from the American Consulate and ask to see Herr Haessel in
person; he can probably tell you more than we can! Afterward I realized
that they were suggesting an unofficial way. As soon as I entered the
agency on the Altmarkt, I had the definite impression from the physiog-
nomy of a customer and from a fragment of conversation I caught (You
must not lose heart. You must wait in Hamburg . . .) that I was in the right
place. Two young people, brothers. As soon as I opened my mouth: The
American consul . . . , I was interrupted: You have the affidavit and can't

DECEMBER 1938

281

do anything with it. . . . All you get in Berlin is trouble and cold feet! And
then I was advised to take the Cuba route. I asked myself and still ask my-
self: Just business or really good advice? — Today I received a letter from
the agency: Please call; I shall hear more then.

Toward evening

The Havana possibility is virtually settled. I now have to decide by Janu-
ary 1 at latest whether to book two berths for June, everything before that
is sold out, even though the number of sailings has been doubled; after
that there are no more places to be had until 1940.

Rush on Haessel by fleeing Jews. The recent impression considerably
strengthened. Meanwhile another mysterious possibility has turned up.
Without any explanation a Sydney newspaper arrived from London, in all
probability from Demuth. First riddle: Has an application on my behalf
been made from London, or should I take steps myself? Second riddle:
What is Sydney (New England)? The Sydney in Australia or one in the
USA, or a Sydney in Canada? No one can answer these questions. After
long, passionate discussions, I sent an application in German by airmail to
Australia. I thought the counter clerk in our little post office would be as-
tonished and not know exactly what to do. Instead he was in the picture
immediately and said disapprovingly, the letter would take some time to
arrive, perhaps a whole week. Piccolo mondo modemo.

I went to see Edith Aulhom, in order to have the Sydney riddle inter-
preted. She too was uncertain. She had been about to write to me, to give me
the address of an English woman who is working as inconspicuously and
secretly as possible for the Quakers to help those non- Aryans whom the
Jewish aid organizations turn away. I wrote to Miss Livingstone in Berlin-
Charlottenburg [...]. The desire to go to the colonies is Eva's favorite idea.
Plans repeatedly surface, according to which some colonies or other are
supposed to be earmarked for mass emigration. First they said Alaska, now
Rhodesia. Eva thinks a schoolteacher will always be needed, and she can be
an organist, draw building plans, perform agricultural work. Her latest plan
is a mineral water factory in Rhodesia. The times are so crazy that no plan is
too fantastic. And in any case these plans sustain her. I assume that what is
most probable is that we shall be forced to stay here. Sometimes we think
we could never be happy here again or feel at home, even if things were to
change; but sometimes we also cling to this place.

In April, when, in wise anticipation of the Griinspan murder and its
atonement, Jewish assets had to be declared, I innocently gave the rebuild
value of the house and the value of the Iduna policies on which money
had been borrowed. As a consequence I was called on to pay a property
assessment of 1,600M. Enlightened meanwhile, I inquired as to the repur-
chase value of the policies and had the current sale value of the house es-

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

timated (which all in all has cost us 26,000M). Result: Iduna surrender
value 240M, house estimated at 16,500, of which 12,000 mortgage. I do not
therefore have 5,000M assets, the level at which the assessment begins. I
went to the Tax Office in Sidonienstrasse. They were not unfriendly. I had
to submit an appeal immediately, and the first 400M installment due
today is in abeyance until it is dealt with. We did and do feel quite indif-
ferent to this business: because one way or another all our property will be
lost anyway. The house will certainly be expropriated in the next few
months; they have also begun to encroach on pensions, for the time being
of those dismissed on full salary (of whom I should really have been one).
In my case it has been calculated that I have mistakenly been paid 6M a
month too much, so that I owe the state about 280, which will be deducted
in monthly installments of 20M. (That is precisely the amount of my now
superfluous car tax.) We responded just as apathetically to the fact that
one thousand marks were transferred to us from Georg's blocked account
as we did to the business of the property assessment. What am I supposed
to do with it? I cannot take anything out of the country, and here — what is
certain here, and what pleasant things can one do? We can no longer go for
drives, we can no longer make purchases for house and garden. Still, for
the moment the 1,000M saves me from petty miseries. But what pleasure
it would have given us only a few weeks ago. — District Judge Moral,
whose acquaintance we made at Frau Schaps', visited us. The man looks
very old, but is only sixty. We hatched Rhodesia plans together, half jok-
ingly, half in earnest; we puzzled over the future together.

Beresin recommended a Frau Bonheim to us for housework (since
Eva's eyes continue to be affected, both eyes now). Latvian Jew, young di-
vorced woman, her husband, German and Aryan, wanted to be free of her,
gymnastics teacher, grammar school education, real lady. A pretty, oblig-
ingly hardworking person. We treat her as a friend, she has coffee with us,
and she does the heavy work of scrubbing well and without squeamish-
ness for 50 pfennigs an hour. I told her about Rhodesia and Sydney. She
said, I have a relative in Rhodesia, a woman friend in Sydney. Piccolo
mondo modemo. Curious: At the very moment modem technology an-
nuls all frontiers and distances (flying, radio, television, economic inter-
dependence), the most extreme nationalism is raging. Perhaps a last
convulsive uprising of what is already a thing of the past. And another
oddity: The National Socialists have always talked about World Jewry; it
was an idee fixe and a phantom. They have gone on talking about this
phantom for so long until it has become reality.

I now take learning English more seriously, much more seriously.
Sometimes a chapter in Little Yankee and sometimes a section of grammar.
And from half past three till five I have just had my first arduous and not
quite unsuccessful lesson with Mrs. Meyer. Natscheff recommended her
to me. His wife is American and a friend of hers. Fifty-seven years of age
and actually a musician and organist at the American Church. But the

DECEMBER 1938

283

church is a German charity, and Meyer is of Jewish descent and has there-
fore lost her post and is also not allowed to teach Aryans. She is English,
her husband an unbelievably vigorous eighty-two-year-old, looks sixty-
five at most; German, retired opera chorus singer. I went to see them on
the fourth floor of a good house on Feldherrenstrasse, was cordially re-
ceived in the kitchen-parlor; a large birdcage and the little budgerigars
treated tenderly, taken out and kissed, at the same time tears because of
the situation and thoughts of emigration and fear for the pension and fear
at giving lessons at home. So today she came out here. One and a half
hours for three marks with 30 pfennigs tram fare on top of that. I intend to
carry it on assiduously.

Shattering letters— more exactly and honestly: letters, which would be
shattering without the present deadening and the fact that our fate is iden-
tical—from Sussmann and the Jelskis. Both letters in part the same word
for word: We go as beggars, dependent on the support of our children,
Sussmann to Stockholm, to his youngest daughter who has married there,
Jelskis to Lilly in Montevideo. The Reform Community has been wound
up, the pension has stopped, a lump sum will be paid as compensation,
out of which the passage can be paid. A little while ago Constable Radke
was here from the local council, I should come up to the council office be-
cause of the identity card. We had a friendly conversation, the man shook
my hand, told me to keep my spirits up. We know from before that he is
certainly no Nazi, that his sister is in difficulties, because her husband, a
gardener, has a grandmother who is not Aryan. But then the next day,
when I was up there, he happened to come through the room; he stared
ahead as he went past, as much a stranger as possible. In his behavior the
man probably represents 79 million Germans, perhaps half a million more
than that rather than less.

December 23

Everything continues with such deadening wretchedness. The days are as
if wasted. I take quite frequent lessons from Mrs. Meyer, I work at a little
bit of English by myself — I don't make much progress, and often I do not
get around to it either. The housework, again and again the useless SOS
correspondence, errands without the car , all the reading aloud during the
day. Eva's eyes are not improving, her general state of health weakens all
the time.

[...]

Yesterday Natscheff maintained with great certainty that a new Rohm
affair was imminent in Berlin, which would lead to a general catastrophe:
Himmler, Ley, Streicher, Goebbels, the ideologists, against Goering and
Schacht, the men of business. For a moment that gave us hope. But we
have experienced disappointment so often.

284

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December 25, Sunday

Eva cut a few branches from a fir tree in our garden and arranged them
into a tree on the frame of a table lamp; we drank a bottle of Graves with
the tongue, and the dreaded Christmas Eve passed more pleasantly than I
had dared hope.

A friendly letter arrived from Walter Jelski in Jerusalem, asking if there
was any way he could help. I shall at any rate send him as usual my list
of published works— a torment to type it out again and again— I cannot
produce more than three copies at a time — perhaps he'll meet the High
Commissioner or some other VIP in the Cafe Europa (his permanent ad-
dress). And the affidavit from my nephew Georg E. Klemperer in
Chicago arrived. I shall at any rate pass it on to the Consul General in
Berlin.

Yesterday for the first time in the Third Reich the Thought for Christ-
mas in the newspaper was completely dechristianized. Greater German
Christmas— the rebirth of light of the German soul, signifying the resur-
rection of the German Reich. The Jew Jesus and everything relating to the
spirit and humanity in general excluded. It has undoubtedly been ordered
for all newspapers.

New Year's Eve '38, Saturday

Yesterday I cursorily read through the diary for 1938. The resume of '37
maintained that the peak of wretchedness and intolerableness had been
reached. And yet compared to the present state of things the year still con-
tains so much that is good, so much (everything is relative!) freedom.

Until the beginning of December I could use the library, and up to that
time I wrote one hundred and twelve good pages of the Dix-huiti&me
(from Retour h l'antique to R<§tif). And until December more or less I still
had use of the car and we were mobile. Piskowitz, Leipzig, the Schwarten-
berg, Rochlitz, Augustusburg, Bautzen, Hinterhermsdorf, Strausberg and
Frankfurt on the Oder in April. Beautiful Breslau on May 16, Strausberg
again on October 6 for Grete's seventieth birthday, the trip to Berlin be-
cause of my illness and then the accident, Leipzig once again. And so
many short trips and the ease of shopping. — And then from time to time
the cinema, eating out. It was a little bit of freedom and life after all— no
matter how pitiable it may have been, no matter how it may have rightly
appeared to us as imprisonment.

Certainly things were getting manifestly worse and worse in the course
of the year. First the Austrian triumph. Then from the end of May the ab-
sence of Frau Lehmann. (More serious for us personally than the carry-on
about Greater Germany.) Then in September the frustrated hope of a war
that would deliver us. And then the decisive blow. Since the Griinspan af-
fair the inferno.

DECEMBER 1938

285

But I do not want to assert prematurely that we have already reached
the last circle of hell, for uncertainty is not the worst thing, because in un-
certainty there is still hope. Also we still have pension and house. But the
pensions are already being tampered with (no special arrangements any
more, i.e., the promised full salaries, which I never received, are being
cut), and I have already had to provide the Office for the Liquidation of
Jewish Assets with all particulars relating to the house. We must not let
ourselves be deceived by the relative calm of recent weeks: In a couple of
months either we are finished here or "they" are.

Recently I have really been doing everything humanly possible to get
out of here: The list of my publications and my SOS calls have gone every-
where: to Lima, to Jerusalem, to Sydney, to the Quakers via Miss Living-
stone. I gave the affidavit sent by Georg's youngest to the US Consulate in
Berlin, confirmed by telephone that the Mr. Geist named by Georg is still
there and will be available after the New Year, and wrote a letter request-
ing a personal audience. But that any of it will do any good at all, is more
than doubtful.

Moral was here again on Thursday afternoon: feeling of friendship and
isolation and the same irresolution. He thinks and hesitates as we do.
Away and into absolute nothingness? Give up the pension one still has?
But precisely: still! And afterward, if it is too late? But where can we go
now? etc., etc., ad infinitum. Moral is a District Court Judge, is 61 and
looks, also behaves a little as if he were 71 — it is therefore even harder for
him than for me. He thinks it possible that war and collapse are near. A St.
Bartholomew's Eve — such a pogrom would surely be the beginning of the
end, there would, he argues, be only one night of blood, because then the
army would restore order— he therefore wants to escape the night of
blood by lying low in Berlin in a neutral and Aryan pension. He has al-
ready provided for that eventuality.

The News Review London of December 8, which I have from Frau
Meyer, claims that there was a military plot to kill Hitler at the Berghof re-
cently. Himmler had uncovered the plot, executions had been carried out.
Truth? Rumor? To go by this newspaper, we must be close to the end here.
But here we read just such reports about Moscow. And Stalin remains, and
Hitler remains.

To the extent that I have worked at all since the catastrophe, it has been
a haphazard courting of English. Now grammar, now vocabulary, now the
translation of a short text; since December 15 one and a half hours (with
dictation) two or three times a week with Mrs. Meyer. Perhaps I have
learned a tiny amount more, at least with respect to reading and under-
standing the spoken language; but I continue to be quite unable to speak
it and I am increasingly alienated from the syntax, indeed regard it with
helpless dismay. And in the long term I am unable to bear this fumbling
around, this complete lack of productive work. If January passes without
bringing any certainty about emigration, then I shall concentrate on my
Vita, of which I recently wrote down the first tentative lines.

1939

New Year's Day, Sunday

Yesterday afternoon we were invited to Fraulein Dr. Gump and her sister
Hirschel in Prinzenstrasse. She was in Dresden one last time. The way
there, through a great deal of half-thawed snow, extremely difficult and
expensive. As before '36 we took a taxi from Chemnitzer Platz. The driver
still remembered me— Now you can't drive anymore. Professor?— com-
miserated, complained (they all do that, but they all say Heil Hitler! —
How long will it go on? Now they want to put a tax on our tips— can you
not go abroad? etc., etc.). Fraulein Gump told us terrible things from Frank-
furt and her hometown Ulm. All the male teachers from the Philanthropin
were sent to Buchenwald. Hirsch was lucky because he broke his ankle and
was admitted to the infirmary; however the ankle was so badly set there
that afterward in Frankfurt it had to be broken once again. He is still in bed.
After two weeks the female teachers were forced to resume teaching alone.
Fraulein Gump was jostled and abused by the mob, the police stood by and
did nothing. When there was vandalism and also looting everywhere, the
local army general enquired in Berlin whether he was allowed to inter-
vene—but then just did nothing. — In Ulm the rabbi was chased (by the
mob, that is, by the people, and not just by SA carrying out orders!) around
the market fountain with his beard alight and was hit on the hands when

he tried to touch his beard; afterward he was in hospital with bums. On

that very night Herr Hirschel was on the train to Paris. They wanted to pull
him off the train; unaware of what was going on, he defended himself vig-
orously, the sleeping car attendant took his side against the SS hooligans, so
they let him go on. The next morning in Paris he read the special editions;
he would never have summoned up the courage for such dauntless resis-
tance if he had known what was going on. He does not yet have a position
in Paris, and his family does not yet have final entry and exit permits. But
Frau Hirschel speaks with great warmth of Aryan friends who are looking
after both her and also her husband in Paris. [ . . . ] Eva was intensely an-
noyed because Fraulein Gump said nothing would get any better until we
had a Jewish state somewhere in the world. Certainly that is pure Nazism
and just as odious to me as it is to her. But as things stand, I would never-
theless like to grant Fraulein Gump extenuating circumstances. She is very
attached to German culture and passionately felt herself to be German.

At seven we went by tram to Central railway station, ate there, then
took a taxi again. Eva soon lay down, I read aloud, at twelve she got up,
we lit the little tree and drank a number of schnappses.

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January 2, Monday

I had an English lesson on the afternoon of New Year's Day, but was too
tired to take anything in. Only the faithful Wends, Agnes and the beauti-
ful Maria, the wife of the harp maker, sent greetings. Johannes Kohler had
already dropped out last year, this time Fraulein Carlo was also missing.
But she came in person at six under cover of darkness and stayed for din-
ner. She told us that on the day of the catastrophe she had been on the
street and involuntarily said Shame! Had been arrested, had explained she
had not meant the government, had been released, but was now being
watched. She was very intimidated and very resentful.

Later I finished reading our novel of the last few days: Howard Spring,
Geliebte Sohne— Beloved Sons. The original title is O Absalom!— evidently
far too much of an Old Testament title to be allowed to remain in the Ger-
man. Strange that such a vehemently pacifist and anti-nationalist work, in
addition one with the sympathetic figure of the Jewish theater director
Wertheim, has slipped past the censors. No doubt because the rebellious
Irish say God punish England. [ . • • ]

January 8, Sunday

All the working hours of the day (there are not many of them) taken up
with the sheets of particulars and the accompanying letter to Otto Klem-
perer in Iver. How many such sheets, vitae and lists of publications I have
already sent all over the world.

I am reading aloud a great deal, partly because of Eva's eyes, partly be-
cause of my own emptiness and restlessness. I do far too little English.
Perhaps because I do not really believe that I shall get away from here
(and am still waiting for the miracle that one day we shall wake up with-
out the Fuhrer).

On Wednesday afternoon Fraulein Gump and her niece, sixteen-year-
old little Hirschel, were here. Always the same conversation. — The day
before yesterday Frau Lehmann came under cover of darkness, full of
goodwill but very inconveniently and catastrophically for Eva's nerves;
she wanted to see how we were and to bring us some of her Christmas
stollen. If one adds Frau Bonheim, who comes twice a week, then we now
have more company than for months. But there is not much joy in it; it al-
ways means wallowing in the same misery — and extra washing up.

A very cordial and very depressed letter from Frau Schaps. (Sebi Sebba
from Danzig has turned up in London and wants to emigrate to some-
where in the world.) A very woeful letter from Lissy Meyerhof. On a pic-
ture of a fancy dress party in 1906 there is a young girl called Otti
Steinhardt, distantly related to the Meyerhofs, whom Erich Meyerhof had

JANUARY 1939

291

a crush on. Lissy writes quite matter-of-factly: A member of Otti's family
committed suicide because a hope of emigration came to nothing; Otti
Steinhardt died of shock, of a heart attack, both were cremated at Christ-
mas. She also writes of one of Erich's sons, who as a half Jew is permitted
to serve in the army and even to become a corporal (but no more than
that). In September his unit was sent to Upper Silesia on maneuvers, they
were marching along when to their great astonishment they were sud-
denly welcomed in a village with flowers, wine and sausage, they had no
idea what was going on. That was the occupation of the district of
Hultschin. The clueless lads would have marched just as cluelessly into
shell fire. Self-determination of a people.

January 10, Tuesday

Marta sent me the Judische Nachrichtenblatt [Jewish Newspaper], and a
number of fundamental ideas, which had long been on my mind, came to
me or rather became more defined.

There is no German or West European Jewish question. Whoever rec-
ognizes one, only adopts or confirms the false thesis of the NSDAP and
serves its cause. Until 1933 and for at least a good century before that, the
German Jews were entirely German and nothing else. Proof: the thou-
sands upon thousands of half and quarter, etc. Jews and of Jewish descent,
proof that Jews and Germans lived and worked together without friction
in all spheres of life. The anti-Semitism, which was always present, is not
at all evidence to the contrary. Because the friction between Jews and
Aryans was not half as great as that between Protestants and Catholics, or
between employers and employees or between East Prussians for exam-
ple and southern Bavarians or Rhinelanders and Bavarians. The German
Jews were part of the German nation, as the French Jews were a part of the
French nation, etc. They had their place in German life, and were in no
way a burden on the whole. Their place was very rarely that of the worker,
still less of the agricultural laborer. They were and remain (even if now
they no longer wish to remain so) Germans, in the main intellectuals and
educated people. If the intention is now to expatriate them en masse and
to transplant them into agrarian professions, then that will inevitably fail
and cause unrest everywhere. Because they will remain Germans and in-
tellectuals everywhere. There is only one solution to the German or West
European Jewish question: the defeat of its inventors. — What must be
treated separately is the matter of the Eastern Jews, which again, however,

I do not regard as a specifically Jewish question. Because for a long time
those who are too poor or hungry for culture or both have been pouring
from the East into western countries and forming an underclass there, out
of which vital forces crowd upward. Which does no harm to any nation,
because race, in the sense of pure blood, is a zoological concept, and a con-
cept that long ago ceased to correspond to any reality, is at any rate even

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less a reality than the old strict distinction between the spheres of man and
wife. The pure or the religious Zionist cause is something for sectarians
and of no importance to the majority, very private and backward like all
sectarian matters, a kind of open-air museum, like the Old Dutch Village
near Amsterdam. — It seems complete madness to me, if specifically Jew-
ish states are now to be set up in Rhodesia or somewhere. That would be
letting the Nazis throw us back thousands of years. The German Jews con-
cerned are committing a crime — admittedly one must grant them extenu-
ating circumstances — if they agree to this game. It is part of the Lingua
tertii imperii that the expression "Jewish people appears repeatedly in
the Judische Nachrichtenblatt, that there are repeated references to Jewish
states or Jewish colonies to be founded as dependencies of an ideal Pales-
tine. And it is absurd and a crime against nature and culture, if the West
European emigrants are now to be completely transformed into agricul-
tural laborers. The movement back to nature proves itself contrary to na-
ture a thousand times over, because development is part of nature and
turning back is against nature. The solution of the Jewish question can
only be found in the deliverance from those who have invented it. And the
world — because now this really does concern the world — will be forced to
act accordingly.

January 17, Tuesday

During the last week all time not taken up with housework and reading
aloud has been spent writing letters of application, even at the cost of ne-
glecting the English (with the exception of Mrs. Meyer), though I am not
spurred on by optimism [...]. It is forever the same thing, and yet forever
different, so-called intellectual work and yet deadening to the intellect.

[ . . . ] Georg gave me addresses, Fraulein Gunzburger in Sevres, Walter
from Jerusalem. Assistant Secretary and Prefect (retd.) von Loeben, pillar
of the non- Aryan Christians, to whose attention I had been drawn by Miss
Livingstone, announced his visit in Christian solidarity in those very
words! — [ . . . ] came and revealed himself to be an amiable, good-natured
windbag, busybody and caretaker of Jewish souls. I was directed by him
to Spiero in Berlin. Our mood is most succinctly expressed in the letter to
Georg: the vacillation between too soon and the fear of too late. It is clear
from Georg's letters that he has no idea of the difficulties here. Obtain a
visitor's visa immediately — how easy he thinks it is!

In the paper a couple of days ago on Himmler's birthday, an article
about his blood order; the SS is an order of Nordic blood, not like the
Christian orders an order against blood. The SS people have to obtain per-
mission to marry; Nordic blood is being raised. — The solution of the Jew-
ish question is increasingly and ever more openly emphasized as the
principal duty of the NSDAP (and not just by the Sturmer). Since the last
catastrophe nothing else exists for them.

FEBRUARY 1939

293

January 22, Sunday

[ . . . ] All that interests me in the English lessons are the newspapers
Mrs. Meyer smuggles in and brings with her, the Manchester Guardian
and a quite sensational magazine, the News Review. Deeply anti-Nazi, al-
ways biting, often witty, but naturally laced with rumors and dependent
on speculation.

No one, whether inside or outside, can fathom the true mood of the peo-
P^e probably, no, certainly there is no general true mood, but always only
moods of several groups— one dominates, and the mass is apathetic or is
subject to changing influences — neither can anyone know with certainty the
relative strength of the parties. I read the report of a debate as to whether the
German people approve of the persecution of the Jews. Some of the English
deny it vehemently; Schroeder, a Cambridge professor of German, main-
tains the opposite: The Germans were relativists, did not acknowledge one
beauty, one morality, distinguished between state and private morality. (A
line of thought that the French, in their hostility, have often advanced.)

On language: Do the words "cold weather front" in the weather re-
port reflect the militarization of language in the Third Reich? I almost be-
lieve it. [ . . . ]

Annemarie came for supper on Thursday, brought three bottles of Bur-
gundy, a bottle of champagne and a bottle of cognac as Christmas pre-
sents— under the present circumstances we had declined a book, also
brought Dressel with her, who has not been here for a very long time.
There was no mention of Dressel's wife, even though he had sent us his
wedding notice. The most curious social situations are emerging now.

A postcard to Eva from Johanna Kruger, signed only Jo and recogniz-
able from the handwriting, saying we should set her mind at rest, let her
know how we were. I wrote her a few fairly sharp words.

February 5, Sunday

In two weeks not the least alteration in situation and mood. The same
dreadful emptiness of the days, the same fruitless effort at English,
lessons, reading, grammar— nothing helps. Eva's nerves are bad, I read
to her for many hours of the day and night. Eye problems, heart prob-
lems. Parts of the Vita go through my head— I write nothing.— No reply
to the many applications. — Politically everything the same. Germany
all-powerful, Spain will soon be finished. Campaign against the Jews fur-
ther intensified. In his Reichstag speech of January 30 Hitler once again
turned all his enemies into Jews and threatened the annihilation of the
Jews in Europe if they were to bring about war against Germany. He pre-
sented himself as a man of peace and a few days later expansion of the
submarine fleet and of the air force was announced.

[...]

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Prof. Best has declared Eva's eyes are restored to health, but the prob-
lems are not entirely cleared up. No excitement! Trips into town, to the
doctor, to do shopping, are always depressing, difficult and very expen-
sive. We ate at the station a couple of times. Once we went as far as the
wholesale markets restaurant, which we liked so much last year; when we
got there tired and hungry, there was a new sign: Jews not welcome. So we
got the tram back to the station.

February 24, Friday

I had already hesitantly sat down to write the introduction to the Memoirs
a couple of times, without doing so; in order to convince myself that I was
actually able to write, I began the first chapter on February 12— the an-
niversary of Father's death — stuck to it and finished it yesterday. I shall
now type it and then read it to Eva; she can decide whether it is worth con-
tinuing. My English lessons naturally suffered because of this work,
which got a grip on me, but were not quite abandoned. Apart from that
the writing did me good, the dreadful idleness was interrupted. Other-
wise no change whatsoever; prospects of getting out are zero, and since
for us personally nothing has taken a turn for the worse in the last few
weeks— at the bank I now sign Victor Israel Klemperer, but I still get my
pension and no date has yet been set for me to give up the house— we just
go on living fatalistically. Except that Eva's nerves continue to deteriorate.

Frau Hirschel and her daughter visited us on February 7; in a few
weeks they hope to be able to go to France, where her husband lives but
has not yet established himself. — On the nineteenth, after an interruption
of two and a half years, a new Gusti Wieghardt chapter began, about
which I shall report in context. Now I want to copy the Memoirs chapter.

In the judische Nachrichtenblatt, which Grete sometimes sends, Shanghai
is very prominent among the small ads. Wanted: boat tickets to buy or ex-
change. Wanted: marriage partner with affidavit. — Moral was here, hav-
ing the same thought as we were, as unsure as we were, also talked about
Shanghai and shuddered at the thought.

March 6, Monday

On February 19 Gusti Wieghardt — I knew from Fraulein Roth, the librar-
ian, that she had moved to Vienna to stay with her impoverished sisters—
wrote a moving letter from Loschwitz. She was here in order to arrange
her emigration to England, she wanted ''to be reconciled to all her enemies
before she died," as the Russians say; in the present tragic situation every-
thing that one had previously considered important, appeared trivial. I
called her immediately very cordially [...]■ Gusti promptly came here,
there was no talk of the past. It was a meeting of great warmth. That is all

MARCH 1939

295

the easier since her love for Russia seems to have cooled greatly. If I had
been able to go to Russia then, she says, I would probably already have
been shot as a Trotskyist. She explained the opposition Trotsky (World
Revolution)— Stalin (internal consolidation, betrayal of Czechoslovakia
and Red Spain) to us and since then Eva has seen Stalin as Hitler's future
ally. — Gusti talked about the sufferings of the Jews in Vienna; she says the
pensions of Jewish civil servants would be stopped in the near future be-
cause there were far too many of them in Austria. (Meanwhile, as an in-
termezzo restriction, the surrender of silver and a tax rise has been
imposed on us: the Jew is always in tax group I.) Gusti herself is taking a
post as cook with two elderly philanthropic ladies in England. On March
2 she cooked here, so well that I got an upset stomach and afterward we
had a terribly increased amount of washing up. This cooking business was
going to be repeated today, but Gusti came yesterday by mistake, just as
we were washing up, and had to share our tomato soup.

In the afternoon I had just read Eva the conclusion of the first Memoirs
chapter (all typed now, but still to be corrected) and met with her strong
approval; now I read the whole thing once again in one go to Eva and
Gusti, and once again it was very well received. Naturally I am now pas-
sionately full of thoughts of continuing to write; but whereas previously I
believed that the first chapter must be the most difficult, it now seems to
me to be the easiest, and the difficulties lie before me.

Because of the writing I have completely neglected English for at least
a week, especially as I have stopped Frau Meyer since March 1 under a
pretext and supposedly only for six weeks: She was getting far too boring
for me and far too expensive, also it is impossible to know if and when I
shall turn my knowledge of English to account. But now I do want to
study some English, so as to be prepared for whatever happens. I read a
few lines with Gusti; I do not think I know much less than her, but that is
very little. [ . . . ]

On the fourth we were at the Hirschels, who are still waiting for an
entry permit to France. — Moral will come here again the day after to-
morrow and report on a trip to Berlin. But we don't hear anything new.
Only ever this: Economically things are going so very badly for them that
they must collapse, but no one knows when, and we shall hardly survive
it. Everyone is making enormous efforts to get out, but it is getting ever
harder. We personally do not appear to be having any success. Silence all
around. From the American Consulate in Berlin we received Waiting List
Registration Numbers 56,429 and 30.

And so everything remains unchanged for us: Eva's nerves in poor con-
dition, I gloomily fatalistic. Endless reading aloud by day and night, lately
all kinds of visitors, a great deal of household stuff, a little work, now En-
glish, now Memoirs. And forever waiting.

[...]

District Judge Moral writes to us with stiff, old-fashioned courtesy:
Herr Professor . . . and so on; he is extremely cautious, never gives his

296

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name and address as sender. But his hatred breaks through the caution
and decorum: Bandits are stealing my silver. [ . • • ]

March 14, Tuesday

Work on the second chapter of the Memoirs very slow. English completely
at a standstill, since there is no prospect at all of getting out; instead, after
a very long interval, French, indeed modem French, came to the fore in the
strangest way. Natscheff did not have any more translations of English
and American writers, I took a translation from French [...]. We possess,
with a personal dedication by Jules Romains, vols 3—8 of his Les Hommes de
bonne volonte. It transpired that Natscheff has all the parts of this huge
work (16 volumes). I therefore borrowed the beginning from him and
early this morning we finished off volume 1. 1 already feel quite at home
in the language once more.

In recent days I had some hopes of the Slovakian business. It is so obvi-
ously stage-managed from Berlin, in order to destroy Czechoslovakia
completely and to open the way to the Ukraine. I told myself, even if En-
gland and France once again stand idly by, it would nevertheless be one
more step in Germany's policy of aggression and so one more step toward
the catastrophe. But now that according to today's evening paper the fixed
game appears to have been so very swiftly and smoothly and completely
won by Germany, while England and France take it all lying down, I feel
as sick as a dog again.

Moral was here on the afternoon of the eighth: the same old conversa-
tions and fears, nothing new. We asked Annemarie to come here the day
before yesterday: We gave her our silver things; if she cannot return it to
us in better times, then she can have it; if the confiscation of silver is also
extended to Aryans, she must throw it into the Elbe. But it must not fall
into the hands of the Nazis. Annemarie thinks as we do. Among the silver
cutlery are Eva's historical pieces with the stamp of the Wars of Liberation
(1812 and Prussian crown [...]).

On the tenth I collected my identity [...]: a big J on the front, prints of
both index fingers, Victor Israel.

[•••]

April 7, Good Friday

Cool spring and fairly long days. How much I would have looked for-
ward to it and welcomed it, if I were still allowed to drive! Now it only
makes me more bitter and, even more than before, I try to bury myself. I
think it is exactly the same for Eva. She tidies up, puts in order, weeds out,
sews a lot, so as to be ready. But ready for what? There is no out for us.

APRIL 1939

297

The swallowing up of Czechoslovakia (and of Memel) is now having its
effect, and if we had not been disappointed a hundred times, we would
think war imminent. But it will not come, and if it does come we two have
little prospect of surviving it. — I try to think of nothing contemporary.
Curriculum Vitae (which has got as far as the end of the French grammar
school) and Les Hommes de bonne volonte (the middle of volume 5). Other-
wise housework, shopping errands, which I find very exhausting, a great
deal of Gusti Wieghardt and nothing else. — I could not make up my
mind to take leave of Marta in person. She invited us to come to Berlin or
Hamburg at her expense. I declined, it would have been too dreadful. The
Jelskis left for Montevideo on April 3. — Heinz Machol passed a servants'
examination and he and his wife have found a post in England as house-
keepers. That is serious, whereas Gush Wieghardt's post as a cook appears
to be as spurious as her Communism. She is being taken in as a writer and
is already planning a book, "The Diary of a Cook." Sussmann is already in
Stockholm. — The Hirschels, who visited us and bought our washing ma-
chine and with whom we shall have coffee tomorrow — the sister, Mar-
garete Gump, is in town again — the Hirschels are waiting from day to day
for permission to enter France. We alone . . .

On March 28, at the pawnbroker's at Neustadter Markt, I handed over a
small golden clock and a little golden chain, which I had foolishly described
as my belongings in the property assessment. (The things actually belonged
to Eva and would have been released to her because she is Aryan.) There
were separate booths at the table where the objects were handed over, so I
could not see who was next to me. On the table there were two heavy shab-
bat lights and a charmingly delicate Chanukah menorah with the Star of
David over it. The official said: You may keep one piece. A woman's voice
replied, that was no good to her. Whereupon the official good-naturedly
comforted her: The Lord is satisfied even with one flame. They pay, without
regard for artistic value, 3 pfennigs for each gram of silver and then even
deduct 10 percent from the total. I received 15M 70pf. for my gold things.

The day before yesterday at Grimm and Lederer (all new names, all ex-
propriated Jewish companies in clothing, shoes, department stores), Wet-
tinerstrasse, comer of Grosse Zwingerstrasse. After long deliberation, I
bought a loden coat and a suit — extremely necessary. (I always carry
Georg's 1,000M in my wallet in case of an emergency, always top it up
from the bank.) An elderly man served me and was very friendly. I gave
my address. Shall I spell it? — No, I am pleased to meet you. Professor. —
?— My daughter has told me a great deal about you and always with af-
fection. One of your last students. We so much deplored . . . Since January
she has been teaching at the German school in . . . Indian name . . . Chile.
We shook hands. Community of the people. — I cannot remember anyone
by the name of Heynen; but the very few who still came to me from the PI
had long been chosen swimmers-against-the-current. The bulk went to
study English. And to the Aryan.

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Walter Jelski sent me half a pound of coffee from Jerusalem for Easter.
Very touching. He knows what coffee means to us, and has no doubt read
about the coffee shortage in Germany. In fact people here have to make do
with an eighth of a pound a week. Walter cannot know that my jack-of-all-
trades in Chemnitzer Platz has a secret stock and supplies us with one and
a half pounds a week. (For how much longer?)

At every comer, in a hundred shop windows the repulsive poster for
the political touring exhibition: "The Eternal Jew." In the newspaper daily
references to the need to visit this exhibition: the most odious race, the
most odious bastard mixture.

April 9, Easter Sunday

Yesterday afternoon at Hirschels. [ . . . ] There was much talk of the most
recent aggression of the Axis, the bloody attack on Albania— the Hirschels
have a radio. I said: one step closer to the inevitable catastrophe. A friend
of the family was there, Gunther, once arts and literature editor of the
Dresdener Neuesten, editor at Reclam's Universum publishing house,
writer himself, author of a monograph on Shakespeare, man of 54, Aryan,
but expelled from the Literature Chamber and therefore completely with-
out prospects because his wife was Jewish (friend of Frau Hirschel).
Was— she died last year, and now they should really let him earn a living
again, but they don't. The man states with complete resignation and con-
viction: Hitler is the victor, the Western powers are impotent, they will
never risk anything, it will all be too late — we shall not live to see any
change — I was so incensed that I jumped down his throat. Afterward I
was sorry that I had done so; we sat alone together in a side room for quite

* .He

turn
had

been disappointed far too often.

This morning, in reply to our Easter greetings with an invitation for
Wednesday, a letter from Moral: just as gloomy; he is lonely, without hope,
he will gladly come, if he is still alive on Wednesday— there is no other
way of accepting an invitation now. That is how this most punctilious man
writes! Also from Lissy Meyerhof a much more depressed letter than is
usually her nature. (Things are going very badly for Berthold Meyerhof in
New York; he is working as a laborer in his wealthy relatives' brewery.)
Everywhere this awful hopelessness. And I believe it has taken hold of the
foreign governments as well. They all tremble, they think Hitler is invinci-
ble— and consequently he is invincible — Gusti Wieghardt told us recently.
Hitler has fits of raving madness, there is always a psychiatrist with him.
I thought it was Russian tittle-tattle; but Gunther related something not so
different; he says: fits of rage— inability to tolerate the least contradiction;

a while and had a friendly conversation about literature ana politics
said quite simply, he wished from the bottom of his heart that I would
out to be right, but could no longer believe and hope in anything, he

APRIL 1939

299

only Goering and Himmler could really contradict him. However de facto
Hitler was the real leader— What is the truth?— Goering and Himmler are
supposed to be complete enemies.

April 20, Fiihrer's birthday

The fiftieth birthday of the creator of Greater Germany. Two days of flags,
pomp and special editions of the newspapers, boundless deification. In
the Berliner Illustrierte a half-page picture: The Fiihrer's Hands. The theme
everywhere: We celebrate in peace, the world rages around us. — It really
does seem to rage now, after Bohemia and Albania. But will it once again
be no more than unceasing silent rage, given the naval concentration at
Malta, given Roosevelt's message, to which Hitler intends to reply on the
twenty-eighth in the Kroll Opera Reichstag? And what will war mean for
us, us?— Each day as wearing as the next. We are dulled by so much ten-
sion. Just as yesterday in the special birthday edition amid all the hymns
of peace, happiness, jubilation, contempt for the poor lunatics who ques-
tion the general Fiihrer, we follow you! atmosphere, there is in small print
the almost daily notice: Two traitors to their country executed (it is usually
two poor devils, workers, 20, 30 years old)— so the small print runs daily
through my head: Will they beat us to death? But really only in small print
and by the way.

People often here with whom conversations always run along the same
track. On the twelfth Moral, completely depressed because they have
blocked his assets; very old and gone to seed. There is some secret about
the man, something broken inside him. Why his whole life long, in 40
years of service, never more than District Court Judge in small places? He
said, that as a safeguard he had made a bequest to his housekeeper, who
has been with him for 28 years. Hinc impedimentum? [ . . . ] — On the thir-
teenth at the Hirschels; leave-taking; they [ . . . ] have their visa for France.
— Gusti, who was in Vienna over Easter and will probably be able to go to
England in the next few days. She says in the government offices here, tax,
police, etc., all except the Gestapo, they were courteous to Jews in a way
that was almost a mark of opposition, but can nevertheless do nothing to
alter the prescribed harassment and robbery. — Frau Bonheim, despite the
fact that she scrubs, etc. for two marks twice a week, is also a visitor, has
coffee with us, tells us about the midday meals at the Jewish Community;
she too is on the point of leaving, returns to Riga in a few weeks.

Through all of this we quietly pursue our everyday tasks, Eva mending,
tidying up, making ready— what for?— I the Curriculum and Les Hommes
de bonne volonte. English still completely put to the side, although Georg
wrote from London a few days ago that he has made a very promising con-
tact, will be able to say something definite in June after his return to the
USA, hopes to see me over there before the year is out. I do not know if that
is what I want. As I said: I am burying myself in Curriculum and Romains.

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May 3, Wednesday, toward evening

Gusti Wieghardt has just left; she unexpectedly succeeded in suddenly
getting out; she travels to London tomorrow, where she takes up her (fic-
titious or semi-fictitious) salon kitchen post. Strangely she has not been
treated as an emigrant but as the widow of a German professor, who is
going abroad for a year and during this time continues to receive her
widow's pension, paid into a special account — she is free to dispose of it
within Germany. Curious and yet quite natural psychological observa-
tion: Until now Gusti was passionately interested in political develop-
ments, desperately waiting for war to break out at last, was full to the brim
of radio reports, etc. Today it was as if it had all been blown away, she had
not listened to the radio, she was indifferent to the situation — no matter
what happens to Germany, no matter what happens to the prisoners here:
all that lies behind me, is all the same to me, I am getting out! Of course
she did not say it in so many words, but yet something like it, and it was
so very evident from her whole behavior. Her last remark: I won't get
cross anymore when I walk past a cinema! In London I can go in! (in fact
she is not going to London, but to some little place near Bristol to some
charitable old ladies, who have already engaged several women emi-
grants). [ . . . ]

Last Wednesday afternoon we visited Moral for coffee in, or rather over
Pillnitzer Landstrasse. A costly and difficult trip for us. Landscape won-
derful: the house high up a hillside, a view right down to the river, the big
Blasewitz Bridge to the right, on the other side the city and ranges of hills,
below, trees in blossom everywhere. Moral grows his tulips in the little
garden in front of the house, lettuce and potatoes in the allotment ground
that rises behind it. In his parlor an already moth-eaten tiger skin: He shot
the beast in a trap in Java; native stuff on the .walls: the year in Java
the high point and the glory of his life. On his desk the Toussaint-
Langenscheidt English dictionary and a Bible commentary. He lives all
alone with an old cook cum factotum, his mother died only a year ago,
must have been in her eighties. He received us very hospitably and with
evident great pleasure, but spoke with the deepest pessimism— (I con-
sider him a suicide candidate). I went at him in a tone of extreme opti-
mism, and I believe with some success. But I did not and do not fool
myself.

The Polish business will also be peacefully decided in Germany's favor.

I received a second demand and an advance demand from the Tax Of-
fice amounting to more than 300M: The new tax law places a heavy bur-
den on Jews. I can simply pay that out of our reserves— but once these
reserves are finished. . . . But all ifs and thinking about the future are
pointless now.

Eva gave Gusti an old cookbook of her grandmother's from the 1850s.

[...]

JUNE 1939

301

June 7, Wednesday evening

For weeks I have been unable to settle down to make any diary entries. Al-
ways buried in my third chapter (apprenticeship years finished, is now
being typed up) and in Les Hommes de bonne volonte (at the fourteenth
volume).

I do not know if time is standing still or rushing on. Sometimes, in fact
every day, it seems to me that this time he is speeding toward his doom:
The Polish business is developing in the same way as the Czech one, the
encirclement proceeds. But I have been deceived so often.

How perfidious the people consider him to be: Generally it is said that he
will divide Poland between himself and Russia. And how little it concerns
him that he betrays his own lies: We had never supported Spain (Franco),
and now the newspapers have for days devoted whole pages to celebrating
the Condor Legion and its guns and aircraft. And every day a speech and a
parade or a military exercise as demonstration of our invincibility and our
desire for peace. And women conductors are being hired on the trams. And
great shortages in the butcher shops and in the greengrocers, because
everything is being stored for the army. — But the people really do believe
in peace. He will take Poland (or divide it), the democracies will not dare to
intervene. Moral has visited us three times in the last few weeks. The man
is utterly depressed and in a panic, is having thoughts of suicide, and finds
solace with us like a child. He is always particularly afraid that his home
will be taken away from him. Now he wants to move into the Jews' House
as a precaution. We strongly advised him against it. [ . . . ]

June 20, Tuesday

Slow and stubborn work on the fourth chapter: the sixth form in Landsberg.
Just don't think about the point of the whole undertaking! Constant reading
aloud: the sixteenth and for the time being final volume of Les Hommes de
bonne volonte. At least I brush up my French and my relationship to modem
French literature. In good moments I am once again playing with the possi-
bility of a supplement to my Nineteenth and Twentieth Century. But the
good moments are rare; I have a lot of problems with my heart and my eyes.

The political situation unchanged and yet sourdement s'aggravant.

Every day I hold forth to Eva, who no longer reads a newspaper, that
war is inevitable and will break out by autumn at the latest, I hold forth
about it every Tuesday and Friday to little Bonheim, and sometimes I also
really believe it, but only sometimes.

Ulbrich, the butcher's wife, recently said to me: Every week the alloca-
tions we and all the others get are smaller; but Noack and Jacob in Prager
Strasse have had big increases. The foreigners buy there, they're not sup-
posed to notice anything.

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Is it really a mark of strength, if literally every day a minister or the
Fuhrer himself declares, we have the strongest army in the world? Does it
inspire confidence, if every day the newspapers declare, England is help-
less and defenseless?

The garden blooms as it has never bloomed. Now roses and more roses,
jasmine, carnations, sunflowers. At the same time usually a damp sultri-
ness, when it is not pouring: And it did pour until a few days ago, though
it was freezing cold; we lit the stove again on the seventeenth no more
than three days after we had stopped heating.

Absolute silence on the part of all relatives and friends. Absolute isola-
tion. In the last two weeks only expensive taxi rides to the dentist.

June 27, Tuesday

The manuscript of the sixth-form chapter is complete; the next 10 or 12 days
set aside for typewritten copy. I will not ask how far I can take the Curricu-
lum, nor what its fate will be. Only keep going — Poetry and Truth; I respect
the inner truth completely, writing is not much more than shaping and ar-
ranging, sometimes condensing, sometimes leaving out. The work is much
harder than might have been assumed, my diaries often let me down.

The 16 brilliant Romains volumes finished. Began the more classical
and weaker Thibaults. Unfortunately only the German translation to hand
for the earlier parts. [ . . . ]

The propaganda against England more vociferous every day, even
more vociferous than against Poland; every day new emphasis on the ab-
solute defenselessness and helplessness of England, its humiliation by
Japan, its prostrations before Russia, its songs of hate against Germany. I
absolutely want to believe, I really do 75 percent believe, that the catas-
trophe will come before autumn, but everyone (Natscheff and all of Juda)
around me doubts it. Either England will back down, or Germany will
back down, or the hostile powers will calmly sit back and watch Germany
partition Poland. Always with the same arguments, the references to
everything that has already happened.

Yesterday I received a very nice letter from Max Sebba in London, to
which I want to reply today. A type of emigrant letter is taking shape: Our
relatives are in Uruguay, in New York, in Sydney, etc., our eighty-year-old
mother remained in Germany . . . And always: I can't complain, things are
much worse for so many others . . . And always the helpless pity for those
still in Germany.

July 4, Wednesday

June 29 was especially moving for us this time. 35 years, and now this sit-
uation, this loneliness, this enormous tension. But on the whole we were

JULY 1939

303

cheerful and almost optimistic. In the evening we drank a whole bottle of
Haut Sautemes.

Today I said to Vogel, who collects his orders in Dolzschen on Wednes-
day morning: One always hears three things at once: First there are those
who say, he will not dare do anything. Then there are those who say, there
have been such tremendous preparations that he will overrun Poland in the
next few weeks, it will happen as quickly and smoothly as with Czecho-
slovakia. Finally those who say, this time it will be the big war. What is your
opinion? Vogel, a calm man, not at all a Nazi, answered immediately and
with conviction: He'll probably bring it off again. And that is the most wide-
spread opinion, the true vox populi. Yesterday Frau Bonheim, she had spo-
ken to her divorced husband (which only takes place in secret and at the risk
of prison). He said: Only Jews and Communists believe in war, Poland will
be swallowed up as quickly and bloodlessly as Czechoslovakia; the Western
powers will not raise a finger. Beresin, the cigarette man and stateless, was
here yesterday. He dug for six weeks as a laborer, with very many others he
is being expelled from August 2 and has no idea where to go. He is learning
photography, his hopes are pinned on Shanghai. A civil servant told him:
Don't worry about August 2 — by that time there will be war. I can no longer
believe it. Disappointed too often. It will all go smoothly for him this time
too. The newspapers ever more excited, even though one would think any
further increase impossible. Hess, the Fiihrer's deputy, in a speech at the
West Wall: Everything that comes from the Fiihrer cannot be surpassed by
anything in the world, this Wall is his work, it would mean suicide for any
nation that attacked it.

July 14

We wanted to celebrate Eva's birthday as we had celebrated June 29. In the
afternoon her nerves failed her; it was not nice, it is not nice. The self-
induced optimism of recent weeks can no longer hold up. It is increasingly
evident that Germany is negotiating with Russia.

Language: An article recently bore the headline: Heartland Bulgaria
(state visit of a Bulgarian to Berlin, the usual courting of the Balkans, the
usual crooked double game of the Balkanese). What is interesting about it:
In itself heartland is a geographical expression referring to a central loca-
tion and does not correspond to Bulgaria's position; but it becomes in-
fected in National Socialist language, its original emotional meaning is
restored, becomes the country in which the heart of the Balkans beats, in
which Balkanese heroism, nobility, etc. has its home. In which no usually
hook-nosed intellectualism rules. (Hook-nosed intellectualism from an ar-
ticle yesterday about art in Germany and Munich before the seizure of
power and now.)

Max Sebba wrote to us from London, where things are going badly for
him and his family. [ . . . ]

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Curriculum: Sixth form in good. Student chapter very difficult. Despite
looking everywhere I can find nothing about the Sorbonne in 1903.
Nothing in my diary, no memories, no lecture notes, no document. For the
other semesters everything is there. Puzzling.

July 25

Time stands still: nothing changes; always the same deadly, lethargic un-
certainty and imprisonment.

[ . . . ] Georg has been silent for months. — At the beginning of August
Grete leaves Strausberg for an old people's home in Friedrichshagen
(Berlin).

A young tram driver, at first I thought him in his early twenties, but he
must have been a couple of years older: Do you know why they made the
changes at Bismarckplatz? — ? — The lawns were divided differently be-
fore. — ? — The paths marked out the lines of the English flag, the diago-
nals. — Are you joking or serious? — Serious and really true. My
mother-in-law told me. She's English. She has gone back to England; she
doesn't like it here anymore. — You should not say that out loud. — There
are many things one should not say out loud. — Are you in trouble? — My
two boys have English first names. I'm supposed to change them. — Here
a man with a Party badge got on. End of the conversation. And I got off at
the comer of Waisenhausstrasse. Such little incidents always give me hope
for a quarter of an hour. No more.

August 14, Monday

The same tension for weeks, always growing and always unchanged. Vox
populi: He attacks in September, partitions Poland with Russia, England-
France are impotent. Natscheff and some others: He does not dare attack,
keeps the peace and stays in power for years. Jewish opinion: bloody
pogrom on the first day of the war. Whichever of these three things may
happen: Our situation is desperate.

We go on living, reading, working, but in an ever more depressed state.

[...]

Yesterday afternoon a Herr Schroeter, whom we do not know, was here.
From Leipzig for the Naval Day, with greetings from Trude Ohlmann,
who asks us to write to her — she herself dare not get in touch with us. The
man had a fixed, gloomy stare, sat there as if made of stone, had difficulty
speaking, long gaps — he had suffered greatly. We were glad when he was
gone. [ . . . ] Then there was a letter from the Confessing Christians, Pastor
Gruber's Office. I should inform the National Association of Jews, they
would deal with it. So today I went to their office in Johann Georgen Allee.
I no longer need to pay the church tax, without thereby losing my Protes-

AUGUST 1939

305

tantism: But I shall have to pay twice as much to the National Association
as I previously paid to the Church. [ . . . ]

August 29, Tuesday

It has become tremendously difficult for me to finish the section Paris
1903, these last few days pulled and still pull too much at my nerves. The
unconcealed mobilization without any mobilization being announced
(people, cars, horses), the pact with the Russians and the incredible turn-
about, confusion, the incalculable situation, the balance of forces after this
volte-face. (Where does popular opinion stand? to what effect? what is the
mood? etc., etc. Endless, agonizing conversations.) Incalculable danger for
all Jews here. From Friday to Monday constantly increasing tension.
Masses of people called up for military service during the night, horses
gone from the market hall. Moral came unexpectedly on Sunday morning:
He wanted to go underground in the home of an Aryan friend in Berlin, he
is expecting the outbreak of war and in that case being shot down, perhaps
not in some wild pogrom, but properly rounded up and put up against a
barracks wall. Then in the afternoon food ration cards were distributed;
that prevented him leaving and going underground. In the evening I went
to the station, the people there looked considerably depressed (later Eva
told me that up here too, all the people streaming home from the open-air
swimming pool had spoken quietly, without laughing and fooling around
as usual). There was a crowd around the notice announcing the reduction
in rail traffic. The ten-day postal ban for a 11 troops out of garrison was al-
ready published on Saturday. What particularly depressed us on Sunday
was the suggestion that we should give our little tomcat an easy death by
injection, since he eats only meat and we really need a quarter pound for
him every day, for him alone, and all three of us are now supposed to get
one pound per week. Since then we have switched him to fish and accus-
tomed ourselves to the never ending crisis. The prospects of war and
peace, the prospects and groupings in a possible war appear to fluctuate
from hour to hour. Everyone guesses, waits, the tension is too great and is
already giving way to apathy once more. At the moment what seems most
likely to me is that Hitler wins the game yet again, through sheer pressure
and without a battle. But how long can he then remain an ally of the Bol-
shevists . . . , etc., etc.?

Leave the broad lines to history, note down my own little observations
for the Curriculum. Memories of the last war coming to the surface: the ra-
tion card. The way it fell upon people on Sunday afternoon, it must have
had a terrible effect on their mood. A joke had just been going around: The
war will last three days, begin after the Tannenberg celebrations, that is,
on the twenty-eighth, and the Poles (they alone) will fight to the last. The
celebrations, already announced on a postmark, are canceled, likewise the
Party Rally. It's possible that optimism is already on the rise again. Or just

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indifference. Who can judge the mood of 80 million people, with the press
bound and everyone afraid of opening their mouth? The maddest thing
was the hand-in-hand picture of Ribbentrop and Stalin. Machiavelli is a
babe in arms by comparison. It is always said that the separation of moral-
ity and politics was his discovery. But a politics that is too immoral turns
into political stupidity.

[•••]

It had been a difficult decision, but we had decided to travel to
Friedrichshagen to see Grete last Sunday; then she wrote to cancel: heart
attack, in the Jewish Hospital, Berlin N, Iranische Strasse, 20 people in the
ward, no conversation possible. According to Trude Scherk, Grete is not
seriously ill, only wanted to get away from the home, which she does not
like. But do they have room in the Jewish Hospital nowadays for people
who are not seriously ill? My conscience is not quite clear. Then again:
Travel now, when there is no certainty of getting a train back? To chat for
a couple of minutes in the general ward? And perhaps make Grete feel
that things must really be looking bad for her, if we come all that way to
see her for half an hour?

Lingua: [ . . . ] There is now no longer any talk of Bolshevists, but in-
stead of the Russian people. However, in his last speech Hess said: Jews
and freemasons want war against us. — In the newspaper just now:
Nothing decided, but no matter how hardened one is, it does seem as if
war must begin in the next few hours, all measures in Germany, France
and Britain point to it. A relaxation had been expected as a result of the
visit of the British ambassador. Not a word about it and new war measures
everywhere.

Especially exciting and kept under a cloak of secrecy the news of the
guarantees of neutrality to Holland and Belgium. [ . . . ]

September 3, Sunday afternoon

This torture of one's nerves ever more unbearable. On Friday morning
blackout ordered until further notice. We sit in the tiny cellar, the terrible
damp closeness, the constant sweating and shivering, the smell of mold, the
food shortage, makes everything even more miserable. I try to save butter
and meat for Eva and Muschel, to make do myself as far as possible with
still unrationed bread and fish. This in itself would all be trivial, but it is all
only by the way. What will happen? From hour to hour we tell ourselves,
now is the moment when everything is decided, whether Hitler is all-
powerful, whether his rule will last indefinitely, or whether it falls now, now.

On Friday morning, September 1, the young butcher's lad came and
told us: There had been a radio announcement, we already held Danzig
and the Corridor, the war with Poland was under way, England and
France remained neutral. I said to Eva, then a morphine injection or some-
thing similar was the best thing for us, our life was over. But then we said

SEPTEMBER 1939

307

to one another, that could not possibly be the way things were, the boy had
often reported absurd things (he was a perfect example of the way in
which people take in news reports). A little later we heard Hitler's agi-
tated voice, then the usual roaring, but could not make anything out. We
said to ourselves, if the report were even only half true they must already
be putting out the flags Then down in town the dispatch of the outbreak
of war. I asked several people whether English neutrality had already
been declared. Only an intelligent salesgirl in a cigar shop on Chemnitzer
Platz said: No — that would really be a joke! At the baker's, at Vogel's, they
all said, as good as declared, all over in a few days! A young man in front
of the newspaper display: The English are cowards, they won't do any-
thing! And thus with variations the general mood, vox populi (butter
seller, newspaper man, bill collector of the gas company etc., etc.). In the
afternoon read the Fiihrer's speech. It seemed to me pessimistic as far as
the external and the internal position was concerned. Also all the regula-
tions pointed and still point to more than a mere punitive expedition
against Poland. And now this is the third day like this, it feels as if it has
been three years: the waiting, the despairing, hoping, weighing up, not
knowing. The newspaper yesterday, Saturday, vague and in fact anticipat-
ing a general outbreak of war: England, the attacker — English mobiliza-
tion, French mobilization, they will bleed to death! etc., etc. But still no
declaration of war on their side. Is it coming or will they fail to resist and
merely demonstrate weakness?

The military bulletin is also unclear. Talks of successes everywhere, re-
ports no serious opposition anywhere and yet also shows that German
troops have nowhere advanced far beyond the frontiers. How does it all fit
together? All in all: Reports and measures taken are serious, popular opin-
ion absolutely certain of victory, ten thousand times more arrogant than in
'14. The consequence will either be an overwhelming, almost unchal-
lenged victory, and England and France are castrated minor states, or a
catastrophe ten thousand times worse than '18. And the two of us right in
the middle, helpless and probably lost in either case . . . And yet we force
ourselves, and sometimes it even succeeds for a couple of hours, to go on
with our everyday life: reading aloud, eating (as best we can), writing,
garden. But as I lie down to sleep I think: Will they come for me tonight?
Will I be shot, will I be put in a concentration camp?

Waiting in peaceful Dolzschen, cut off from the world, is particularly
bad. One listens to every sound, watches every face, pays attention to
everything. One learns nothing. One waits for the newspaper and can
make nothing of it. At the moment I do tend to think that there will be war
with the great powers.

At the butcher an old dear puts her hand on my shoulder and says in a
voice full of tears: He has said that he will put on a soldier's coat again and
be a soldier himself, and if he falls, then Goering. ... A young lady brings
me my ration card, looks at me with a friendly expression: Do you still re-
member me? I studied under you. I've married into the family here. — An

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old gentleman, very friendly, brings the blackout order: Terrible, that it's
war again— but yet one is so patriotic, when I saw a battery leaving yes-
terday, I wanted more than anything to go with them! No one is outraged
by the Russian alliance, people think it is brilliant or an excellent joke —
Vogel's optimism (yesterday: We've almost finished off the Poles, the
others won't stir themselves!) is to our benefit in coffee, sausage, tea, soap
etc. — Is this the general mood in Germany? Is it founded on facts or on
hubris? [ . . . ]

The Jewish Community in Dresden inquires whether I want to join it,
since it represents the National Association of Jews locally; the Confessing
Christians inquire whether I shall remain with them. I replied to the
Gruber people that I was and will remain Protestant, I would not reply to
the Jewish Community at all.

Note how on September 1 the Fiihrer declared lasting friendship with
Russia in two words. Is there really no one in Germany who does not feel
a pang of conscience? Once more: Machiavelli was mistaken; there is a line
beyond which the separation of morality and politics is unpolitical and
has to be paid for. Sooner or later. But can we wait until the later?

We invited Moral for a discussion of the situation and received no reply.
Evidently he really has left for his Berlin mousehole.

On Thursday Natscheff claimed that Himmler is against war because
he mistrusts the mood at home. Despite the pact with Russia Hitler is lost
in a general war. — ??

September 4, Monday afternoon

Yesterday, Sunday, September 3, after a big washing up, went to the
Plauen station. I bought a bar of chocolate and asked the elderly assistant
about broadcast news. She reported the English-French ultimatum. I
asked: Rejected? She smiled, as if I were a bit simple, shrugged her shoul-
ders: But of course. I could ask the two gentlemen there, if I liked, they had
heard it themselves. They were two fitters. They confirmed it. I asked:
France too? — Reply: Yes, but now Italy will get involved too. At home we
were doubtful again. — This morning we got confirmation from the mail-
man. The man was dismayed: I was buried alive in 1914, and now I have
to serve again as a reservist. Was it necessary, is it human? You should see
the gloomy faces on the troop transports — different from '14. And did we
start off with food shortages in '14? We will be defeated, it can't last four
years again. — In Bienert Park, Berger, the grocer, a soldier in '14, now a
radio operator: You've got it easy now! — I? I expect to be beaten to death.
— You're well out of it — it's us poor swine who have to do it all again! —
Notices and newspapers in town, likewise the Dresdener NN which has
just arrived, trivialize, virtually suppress the fact that France has been at
war with us since five o'clock, and talk only of French support for Poland,

SEPTEMBER 1939

309

are full of the successes on all fronts (i.e., Poland), report on approval of
the German victories in the Italian press and do not once mention Italian
neutrality. Only in the Busier Zeitung, which curiously enough was also
displayed, did I see the headline: Italy neutral for the time being. Striking
in Hitler's three proclamations: (1) Now the enemy is the Jewish plutocracy
instead of Jewish Bolshevism, and it battles against the government of the
German people. (2) The constant insistence: Traitors will be exterminated.
(That is, they are expecting there will be traitors. As in the speech on Sep-
tember 1.) (3) Not a word about Italy. (4) Friendship with the Russian peo-
ple. (5) Poland will be defeated in a few weeks, and then we shall turn on
the West, the West Wall will hold that long. — The mailman said, Dresden
and the whole of Germany was under military dictatorship. If that is the
case, then we probably do not need to fear a pogrom.

Annemarie brought two bottles of sparkling wine for Eva's birthday.
We drank one, and decided to save the other for the day of the English de-
claration of war. So today it's the turn of the second one. During the day I
was full of hope, now I am depressed again.

Little peace of mind, but not much time to work either. Increasing diffi-
culties with food supply. I try to leave meat and butter for Eva and the cat,
but eating so much bread and fish gives me stomach pains, and now pre-
served meats are also increasingly in short supply. Everywhere: Only one
tin! Or: No longer available! E.g., smoked herrings have disappeared. —
Hampered by constant blackout. The last two days I killed time. (We can
only black out the kitchen and the dining cellar and so have the light on
there.) Today I intend to choose a Florian volume and read it. After our
meal I read aloud downstairs. Early to bed. Until now the moonlight has
helped up here. But only for a few more days. Lack of air downstairs, to
smoke I have to sit in the dark behind the study door. Eva's cigarette
glows less conspicuously.

Half of the Paris chapter copied and read out. Eva says, the page about
the enmity with Georg should be left in autumn '03 where it actually be-
longs. I shall change it.

England has already violated Dutch neutrality.

September 10, Sunday morning

Eva says: The war is being covered up. That is true in all respects. And is a
mistake. There was no mobilization, people were fetched individually
from their beds. No casualty lists are being issued. The flags are not being
put out, even though Warsaw has already been reached in this first week.
Nothing is said about the front in the West. The butchers' shops have to
shut on the side facing the street: people line up in the courtyard. — This
is the view that has to be maintained: war only with Poland and the quick-
est possible victory. But at the same time constantly intensified measures.

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which point to a long war. Income tax raised by 50 percent, permanent
blackout, yesterday warning of punishment since blackout discipline was
slackening. Yesterday flou r was added to the list of restricted foodstuffs.
Since there is less and less in the fish shops, since frequently not enough
meat is delivered to make up even the rationed amount, then everyone has
to turn to food made with flour. Therefore each person has to ask himself
how long bread will remain unrationed. And each person has to ask him-
self how all these orders accord with the view of a short war with Poland
alone. The whole business is very dubious and must appear dubious — all
universities closed down except for Berlin, Vienna, Munich, Leipzig, Jena,
all technical universities apart from Berlin, Munich. — [ ■ • ] Gasoline
shortage, rationing, yesterday threat to punish driving for pleasure.

Ban on listening to foreign broadcasting stations. But they don't seem able
to block them and have to rely on the fear of denunciation. Natscheff lis-
tens to England and France, passes it on to us. There will be many
Natscheffs. Yesterday for the first time in the military bulletin: Two French
aircraft shot down in the West. Until now France has not been mentioned
at all as a belligerent. — 20 percent war tax in the cigar shops and for the
time being a maximum of only five cigarettes. Yesterday I was able to grab
two boxes, I hoard cigarettes, buy tobacco. — What has happened to the
tremendous and annihilating air attack on England, which was expected?
What has happened to our absolute air security, if the whole country has
to be permanently blacked out? What has happened to our ally Italy, to
Spain's attack on Gibraltar, to the defection of the Dominions, to Japan, to
the Arab war of annihilation? All the world neutral and full of admiration
for Germany's successes in Poland.

On Friday Moral, the hero, reemerged. He was hidden for a week by
Aryan friends in Lichterfelde (Berlin), for fear of pogroms. (But Jew-
baiting appears to be suspended for the moment. Perhaps because of the
alliance with Russia, perhaps because too many Germans interned in
South Africa.) He was in high spirits as never before. In Berlin people
feared for their winter coal: going by the ration cards they were calculat-
ing six briquettes per day and household. — A doctor, who treats him here
in Dresden, told him: Military hospitals around Dresden already very full,
heavy losses. But the military bulletin says: Very light losses, 4 dead and
25 wounded for every 10,000 men.

And yet: What is the popular mood? Schmidt, our neighbor, just
brought me a card that had to be filled out (some kind of card, y en a x). The
man is sober and certainly no Nazi. But now wears the survival badge.
Says quite calmly: " We're winning. Our U-boats will starve England out
before they wear us down! Italy will knock out France, it isn't neutral, Ital-
ian troops are fighting in Poland. We are not being attacked in the West, but
just let them take a run at us. If the man believes only half of what he is told
and what he has to say, and perhaps many millions believe it all . . .

The situation looks darkest for our little tomcat.

SEPTEMBER 1939

311

Where is Goebbels? He has been silent since the outbreak of war, no,
since the Russian alliance.

[...]

Chapter V of the Curriculum completely finished. [ . . . ]

September 13, Wednesday

On Monday, September 11, house search again. For a radio. Amiable child's
play for 30 minutes, but nevertheless house search. A fat country police
lieutenant from Gittersee and our police constable. Friendly, sympathetic
people. "And why aren't you abroad yet?"! — Today demand for a new
statement of assets. Which means? — The Polish army finished, skir-
mishes in the West. Very widespread certainty of victory. They're not
doing anything in the West, they can't do anything!!

September 14, Thursday

Yesterday afternoon Fraulein Kayser, a lady unknown to us. Acting on be-
half of Gruber-Richter. Government order to be passed on orally to all
Jews: Forbidden to leave the house after eight p.m., forbidden to put up
Jewish relatives as guests. In addition a questionnaire to be filled out for
the Gestapo , how far progressed with emigration? Do they want to expel
and exchange us? Do they want to force the non- Aryan Christians to join
the Jewish Community?

Vox populi Master Haubold, who is supposed to replace the rusty
stovepipe. Frequent employment of "shitty" to describe the situation. But
everything blamed on England. They want everything, talk big, our U-boats
will give it to them all right, things won't get bad in the West. Poland was
messed around by England. On the other hand: It will last through the win-
ter and even longer, we certainly have more dead than officially stated (four
for every 10,000 men, no casualty lists are published, death notices only
rarely, so far here in Dresden only a motorized squadron commander and
an editor of the Dresdener NN, otherwise no one!). And poor people have to
carry the can for all the shit.

Handed in the questionnaire to Feder, Eisenstuckstrasse. The same Dis-
trict Judge whom I met at Richter's (Gruber). He says, in addition to me, a
further 36 families are looked after from here.

He made me fear for our little house: Several owner-occupied houses
had been taken away in the last few days. But there is no point in being es-
pecially afraid: one has to expect the end at any moment.

My daily route now: grabbing a couple of cigarettes, cigarillos, mack-
erels and shrimps. Managing to get a little bit of something forbidden
from Vogel, an end of sausage or butter or margarine.

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After days of reading my diary I want to make a start on Chapter VI
today. . . . Much time is lost in the evenings because of the permanent black-
out. We sit in the dining cellar and go to bed in the dark shortly after ten.

Reading aloud (German unfortunately): Pourtales, La Peche miraculeuse.
Very good.

September 18, Monday

Friday and Saturday spoiled by Moral. He wrote, was in a state of excite-
ment, didn't come, wrote again, he had a temperature, wanted to come
after all, didn't come again, I wanted to go to him, ran into him here at the
door; then, a picture of misery, he spent the whole of Saturday afternoon
with us, allowed himself to be talked out of thoughts of suicide. His home
has been taken from him as of October 15, he will have only one room,
part from his housekeeper (Kathl) after 28 years.

On Sunday morning desperate letter from Grete: discharged from hos-
pital as recovered, starving in her old people's home, deprived of her diet,
in the same room as a sick, foul-smelling old woman. In the evening a
friendly policeman: I had to sign that I know of the eight o'clock curfew.
— In the morning my spirits had been raised a little at the baker's: There
they said that it was certain that bread rationing would come before the
end of the month. Immediately afterward I wrote to Grete: Take this com-
fort absolutely seriously and literally and understand it properly: God is
closest, where need is the greatest. [ . . . ] Then today catastrophic: Rus-
sians march into Eastern Poland, Polish campaign over, Jews and convicts
murder Germans in Warsaw. What will become of us now??? [ . . . ]

Politically now quite at a loss. Peace in a couple of weeks and Hitler all-
powerful? Or will England-France fight? But how, where and with what
chance of success? On the one hand Germany now appeared to have all
the trumps, really all of them in its hand. On the other: why the ever
greater shortage of foodstuffs? And has England ever admitted defeat
without a fight? Ever blindly taken up a lost cause??? [ . . . ]

September 20, Wednesday

Our situation grows daily more catastrophic. Order yesterday: restricted
access to bank account, surrender of all ready cash; today police inquiry as
to our suppliers; it therefore looks as if we are to be more strictly rationed
than the general populace. I was in Pima in the morning.

Yesterday afternoon I heard the greater part of the Fiihrer's speech over
the loudspeaker at the Freiheitskampf office on Bismarckplatz. Some of it
rhetorically very effective. The Polish soldiers fought very bravely, the ju-
nior officers did their duty, the middle ranks lacked intelligence, the com-
manding officers were all bad, the organization was Polish . . . We do not

SEPTEMBER 1939

313

have a kept government as in 1918, we are a nation in the tradition of Fred-
erick the Great, we shall not capitulate even after three years, even after
five years, even after six years. Etc., etc. At the same time France is courted,
it should abandon England. The English are bunglers at propaganda, they
need to take lessons from us. Peace with Russia, they remain Bolshevists
and we remain National Socialists! ... I had the impression that all the by-
standers were completely satisfied, sure of victory, sure even of imminent
peace. — But every single measure points to a long war. Today reduction of
bus services . . . Natscheff has had all English books and translations from
English withdrawn from circulation. I obtained a very last one . . . Eva's
nerves and my heart are completely finished. One of two things will hap-
pen: either Hitler will conclude victorious peace in a week — then we shall
perish. Or the war only really starts now and lasts for a long time — in that
case we shall also perish. — The political future is completely dark. I do not
see in what way England can fight, but I do not see how it can give in.

September 22, Friday

In the newspaper yesterday (naturally therefore in all newspapers) tri-
umphant report about the end of the Polish campaign and a touching arti-
cle, "At the Soldier's Grave of Paul Deschanel." French First Lieutenant,
son of the former Prime Minister (I think) of the Republic [...]. Tricolor
over the bier — I once had a comrade — the Marseillaise — address by a bat-
talion commander: nothing but compliments to France, with whom we
want only peace , of whom we make no demands at all . . .

Is that a sign of strength on the German side? Is it merely a ploy? Will
the French rise to the bait? Vox populi (at Berger, the grocer): ... He is in
the West. — In the West yet again? — Well, it won't last very long. — Every-
one thinks: England will give way. Perhaps they will turn out to be right
about that, as with the German-Russian partition of Poland. But if not, the
mood would shift tremendously. For the moment people are still intoxi-
cated by the destruction of Poland and do not know what the losses are.

When I went to the Deutsche Bank yesterday to open my restricted ac-
count and wanted to pay in 300M, they were astonished (What for? You
can freely dispose of 400!). I should first of all go to the Currency Office
today in person, in case there is some error.

Errand upon errand, Eva's nerves and mine are completely shattered;
for several days now not a word of the Curriculum.

[...]

September 25, Monday

I had to open the restricted account. Running around, expenses, obstruc-
tions. A blessing to be able to stay at home all day yesterday, Sunday.

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After an interruption of many days able to write a page of the Curriculum
again.

From today cards for bread. Chocolate confiscated.

Colonel-General Fritsch, until a few months ago commander-in-chief of
the army, fell outside Warsaw on September 22. A few lines of obituary,
tiny little picture, details merely in passing and trivialized. Eva and I
placed the same question mark independently of one another.

September 27, Wednesday

Yesterday on top of the other misfortunes a very heavy cold, sneezing and
temperature and all the unpleasantness that goes with it. Curriculum
creeps forward a line at a time.

Grete asked me to inquire about a Jewish boarding house. I went to the
Jewish Community at Zeughausstrasse 3. The house is adjacent to the
empty square on which the destroyed synagogue stood. It was no pleas-
ant errand for me: I am Protestant, my sister is Jewish. And it was an er-
rand in vain, as I had foreseen: There is a ban on Jews moving to the city
and district of Dresden.

To the extent that there is nothing more of interest to be reported on
Poland, the newspaper is drained of content. Polemics against English lies.
Confirmation from a newspaper in Manila or somewhere that Germany is
invincible, that a continuation of war is pointless. — Meanwhile ration
cards, blackout, imprisonment. Impossible to tell when and how it will end.

September 29, Friday

Vogel, the grocer: I don't believe it will last three years, the English will
give in, or they will be destroyed. Vox populi communis opinio. It has
proved in the right with the Russian alliance and the partition of Poland,
it could prove in the right now too. There is absolute confidence and in-
toxication in victory everywhere here. There seems to be no war at all any
more. Nothing is happening in the West. In the East, Modlin and Warsaw
have surrendered now too, 600,000 prisoners of war already. In Moscow
Ribbentrop and Molotov are negotiating with the Balts and Turks. The
tremendous victory pushes all internal dissatisfactions into the back-
ground; Germany rules the world — what do a few blemishes matter?

But who is playing this game, and who is outplaying the other? Hitler?
Stalin? — I am just reading the first few pages of the Tocqueville, which
Frau Schaps gave me in 1924. No one, not even the most significant and
knowledgeable contemporaries, anticipated the course of the Revolution.
Every page of the book surprises me with analogies to the present. (It is
my blackout reading. It's dark at six, and I cannot write downstairs.
Though I shall soon have to get over this I cannot.)

OCTOBER 1939

315

October 6, Friday

The day before yesterday, October 4, another house search: library. Two
Gestapo men (very polite) looked for books to be confiscated, catalog in
hand; a lady (from the State Library — she afterward secretly passed on
greetings from Fraulein Roth, but I then regretted having shaken her
hand — certainly: forced into carrying out this duty, but what a duty!), so
this lady was searching for cultural treasures to be safeguarded, i.e., valu-
able first editions and the like. She didn't find anything, the other two got
six or seven volumes of Emil Ludwig, which had been overlooked,
among them the Cruises of the Goeben, one of the little patriotic volumes
from the last war — now Jew literature. Otherwise nothing . . . censorship
gaP -

Safeguard and cultural treasures belong in the Lingua tertii. Likewise
world. Today at twelve once again: The world listens to the Fiihrer. Then
tomorrow: The world responds to the act of peace. We are always in a state
of peace, we don't shoot, but since 5:45 a.m. on September 1, '39, we are
shooting back. World can be compared to the universe of the century of
Louis XIV. It would make sense, if the world did not also listen to a speech
by Chamberlain and this and similar things were not kept from us.

I would not make any progress with the Curriculum even if the Eva '04
section were not causing me problems. Always errands in town, always
the kitchen. Feeding ourselves, shopping, cooking, washing up (more
vegetables, more dishes) — everything has become more difficult and
time-consuming. Today I shall catch a bit of Hitler speech at the Freiheits-
kampf again. The peace offer with the splendid justification: Poland does
not exist anymore.

October 9, Monday

Moral f - Suicide in the night of October 1-2. A card from us arrived on
the second and we waited for a reply. Yesterday the letter from his Emma
[...]. Yesterday morning— I was unshaven and without a collar — the
Feder couple (District Judge, who looks after the Jewish families) paid
us a visit. He had already known about the Moral case for days. Despite
his Protestantism, the man had been refused burial in a Protestant ceme-
tery because he was a full Jew. [ . . . ] yes and apart from that it's my
birthday today. We do our best to be cheerful. And to hope for the next
birthday.

October 12

In the Webergasse ("gluttons' alley"): in the fishmongers', confectioners'
etc. the goods are often replaced by the picture of the Fiihrer with flag

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cloth and victory green. In one candy shop all their excellencies in the win-
dow; above them: We cannot guarantee that all the goods displayed here
are available. In the Reka I asked for five little handbrushes at 7Pf each.
Stem reply: I'll give you three. Shaving soap (for ration coupons!)
nowhere to be had. Hasn't arrived yet. When it does, one piece will have
to last three months. In the fishmongers' the constant reply: You must
come at ten or three. Everything's gone after that. One elbows one's way
into confectioners' and receives 7 or 12 pfennigs' worth of sweets. Choco-
late has been confiscated. — But there is no real shortage as in 1917-18,
and it is hard to see how it should happen, since supplies are coming from
Russia. On the other hand, England-France appear to believe in the
prospects of a long war, since the peace offer seems to have been rejected.
At the same time day after day: light artillery fire in the West, otherwise
nothing. But military trains are supposed to be rolling westward day and
night. So we remain in the dark about everything.

[...]

The Pension Office had not transferred the money for October. I went
there. Hours of calculation. We have made a mistake, not enough retro-
spectively deducted for the increased Jewish tax, an additional amount,
which other civil servants have been receiving since July, has been paid,
you must pay it back! Result: Instead of the 480M of recent months,
I shall receive 300M until January, then 350 until April, after that 400.
That's what they say now; but more likely is that I sink below even
the 300.

[...]

A long family report from Lissy Meyerhof. Erich himself managed to
escape to England, but two of his sons are in the army; as half-Jews they
have the honor of fighting for the 3rd Reich, they can even rise to the rank
of corporal (no higher).

October 18, Wednesday

The manuscript of Curriculum VI "Secret Drawer" finished at last. A full
month's work, admittedly with constant encroachments [...]: house-
work, blackout, shopping.

The Webergasse is the perfect illustration of the hollow phrase of our
command of the North Sea (because of a few U-boat successes). Ever more
pictures of Hitler and fewer goods. Every day to Paschky in Zwickauer
Strasse and to the Fischhalle and the Nordseefischerei [North Sea Fish-
eries]. Usually quite in vain. All tins of preserves gone. I always ask about
shrimps first, which the three of us eat and which are not much in demand
by people in Dresden (ignorance and mistrust). Yesterday — a feast day! —
I obtained altogether three-quarters of a pound in the two shops in the We-
bergasse. The first time in many days. Yesterday in the Nordsee shop an

OCTOBER 1939

317

interesting occurrence as well. A line, several abreast, through the whole
length of the large room; dozens more immediately joined the line behind
me. I could not see what was happening at the shop counter. After a while
I asked a young worker in front of me: What have they got?— First it was
sprats, now the packets are longer. Then I saw the issuing counter. A girl
was standing at the head of the line and giving out receipts. Another girl
rang these receipts up at the cash register according to a list in her hand:
20, 25, 27, 20, 25, 25 . . . always tiny, approximately similar amounts. A lad
brought a wooden box, from which identical little white packages were
laid on the table.

Whenever one had received a receipt, one went to the cash register (line
2) and paid, then went back to the girl at the head of line 1. 1 received a re-
ceipt for 20Pf; as I handed it over I asked what I had bought. Smoked her-
rings. There were two small herrings and two baby sprats. I had stood in
line fifteen minutes for that. Whenever a box was finished, there was a
pause and alarm in the line. But one did not {yet) hear any word of dissat-
isfaction. People laughed with one another. Half ironically, half (and three-
quarters) to emphasize their plucky confidence and positive mood. People
let off steam only in private. We command the North Sea, England's naval
position is badly shaken by our U-boats and Stukas (Sturzkampfflieger —
[i.e., dive bombers]), we are invincible. It's in the newspaper every day, it
is confirmed from Spanish, Italian, etc., etc. newspapers. At another
counter I really did get shrimps as well.

[ . . . ] but we are not really starving yet either, things are simply tight —
and so can continue like this ad infinitum.

A battery for the flashlight (blackout!) nowhere to be found. Matches no
longer in packs, at most five boxes.

Natscheff completely confident of English victory. Russia has con-
cluded a trade agreement with England, is at heart hostile to Germany, has
enforced the emigration of all Germans from the Baltic States [...]. Italy
is making deals on every side, Germany must attack and bleed to death or
collapse economically. I am not firmly convinced of the correctness of his
view of the situation. The adversity is not yet great enough for rebellion
against the tremendous power, organization and ruthlessness of the gov-
ernment, the flush of victory is still there; Chamberlain's words. There can
be no peace with this government! simply strengthens this government,
people remember 1918. Nor can the Communists complain, and the
Stahlhelm people, etc. will not make a revolution in the face of and at the
request of the enemy.

Did I already note on language: The opposite of a democratic press is
the disciplined press (Hitler speech in Danzig after the Polish victory). Bol-
shevism used to be World enemy no. 1 (Americanism!); now England is
Enemy of peace no.l.[ . . . ]

Today I want to start the typescript of the sixth chapter of the Curricu-
lum.

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

November 1, Wednesday

The "Secret Drawer" completely typed at last. Tomorrow begin the
preparatory work for Chapter VII. Too much hindrance and lack of time
because of the blackout, which confines me to the kitchen where writing
and typing are impossible. Eva is now working on blacking out the music
room, which is very difficult because of the many panes of glass. That will
be a help.

War at a standstill. In the newspaper we are ever more victorious.
Catchphrase " secure against blockade" is out of date. Lately: " German block-
ade more effective than English Growing distress in England — 75 percent of
all losses at sea on the English side — Every day new proof of German in-
vincibility from Italian and Russian newspapers. Every day friendship
and common peaceful goals with Russia, speeches by Molotov to the
Supreme Soviet, every day condemnation of the shared interests of the
Jews and the English, every day the poor French people.

As to security against blockade: One gets one, at most two rolls of toilet
paper. Transportation difficulties. When an English minister recently men-
tioned transportation difficulties for wooden boxes there was an exclama-
tion mark in brackets after the words. (Pay attention to the punctuation of
the Third Reich, exclamation and quotation marks.) One only gets two
boxes of matches.

A cigarette dealer said to me recently, he was pessimistic, he no longer
understood German policy. Russia! He didn't trust it. Look how the man
laughs! He means the picture of Stalin and Ribbentrop, in which Stalin is
shaking with laughter. (Was in all the papers after the conclusion of the
pact.)

[...]

November 12, Sunday

On November 8 the attempt to assassinate Hitler with a bomb in the Mu-
nich Biirgerbrau. [ . . . ]

In the night after news of the attempt (We know the culprits: England
and behind it Jewry) I was reckoning with arrest, concentration camp, per-
haps also the bullet. On the morning of the ninth when the cigarette dealer
was the first to tell me about it, for all my philosophy I had problems with
my heart and pains in my chest. Untouched until now. Which means
nothing of course.

On Saturday, November 4, at the Feders for simple afternoon tea.
Friendly people. He is dealing with my tax business. Either 25 percent of
income tax has to be paid to the National Association of Jews or 13 percent
to it and 12 percent to the church. So in accordance with my confessional
bigamy [ . . . ] I gave 12 percent = 56M (as much as that, since I had to de-
clare 1,500M from Georg for tax) to the Confessing Protestant Church.

NOVEMBER 1939

319

Herr Richter, in Johann Georgen Allee, the treasurer of the Confessing
Church (friendly, gray-haired, fat, looked like Uncle Eduard Franke), com-
plains bitterly about particularly severe recent persecution, but was above
all optimistic (just like Hans Feder). Eva said: One more step toward the
concentration camp; but I nevertheless believe I have acted rightly. The
Jewish communities in Germany today are all extremely inclined to Zion-
ism; I shall go along with that just as little as I do with National Socialism
or with Bolshevism. Liberal and German forever.

For all of the past week I have been working through my diaries (and
letters from the lecture tours). Now shall spend another two days looking
through my journalistic publications from these years from 1905 to 1912.
And then I must try to order this huge mass. I shall be content if I manage
this Chapter 7, "Half a Profession," by the end of the year. No idea how
long the section will be, sometimes it seems to shrivel up (same old
things!), sometimes to expand greatly.

Circular from the Jewish Community: The new telephone book must
immediately be informed of the supplementary name Israel on pain of
punishment. — I haven't had a telephone for a long time, thank God. The
levy on Jewish assets has been increased from 20 to 25 percent (but only
for assets above 10,000M). Affects me as little as the telephone. Poverty
also has its advantages. Apart from that the increase took place several
weeks before the assassination attempt.

November 21

Semper idem. Virtually nothing is happening at the Front. Natscheff
maintains that all foreign and neutral reports present it as an open secret
that Hitler wants to attack and the army command is opposed. — Bread
and potatoes are available, everything else in depressingly short supply.
No opportunity to get a clear idea of the mood of the people. Every day
absolute certainty of victory in the newspaper.

I am now paying Jewish Winter Aid, small (door-to-door collection)
5M, large 16M a month. It is unbelievable how many taxes can still be paid
out of our few pennies (this month I received 298M from the Pensions Of-
fice). [ . . . ] I paid the large contribution in person at the Jewish Commu-
nity House in Zeughausstrasse. I was already there once before recently,
on account of Grete's impossible move. I am so upset and preoccupied
there that I stutter as if after a second heart attack. I find the situation all
too painful and beastly. Aside from that there is lively activity in the place,
quite a few people are working in various offices, there is no outward sign
of low spirits. Yet each one of them has certainly already been inside, and
each one is hourly in danger of rearrest. Brave people.

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November 28, Tuesday

Last Tuesday the Feders were here for tea. Their calm optimism did us a
great deal of good. [ . • • ]

November 29, Wednesday

Yesterday the sinking of an armed English steamer (auxiliary cruiser with
eight 2" guns) by German cruisers patrolling off Iceland was announced.
The headlines (very large letters) read: "German naval victory off Ice-
land— Germany commands the North Atlantic — England s fleet is further
decimated." I know how much is behind that, or how little. But on the
other hand I do not know whether the mass of the people knows it too,
and I really cannot quite see how the English blockade is supposed to
overcome Germany. My mood is very changeable and on the whole I am
greatly depressed. The ever increasing food difficulties are slowly getting
on my nerves. This state of affairs— light harassing fire in the West, usu-
ally quiet — can, almost certainly will drag on for years yet, and it is just as
difficult to see how England can deal with Hitler as how Hitler can deal
with England.

The Curriculum progresses ever more slowly. Partly inner, partly exter-
nal difficulties. Another dental epoch begins with Eva today. Increasing
difficulties and expense, since there are no taxis at Chemnitzer Platz any-
more and one has to phone for them from Nurnberger Platz. (Gasoline
shortage: Several bus routes have been stopped altogether, there are fewer
cabs, and these few are constantly engaged. Especially so, as with a very
few exceptions private cars have been laid up since the beginning of the
war or handed over to the army.)

In order to get us to Dr. Eichler in the Konigsbriicker Strasse, the taxi
had to come from the Wettin station in the morning. Eichler, trained as a
naval pilot, did not display very great confidence. As yet we do not have
enough planes to mount a major attack. They're producmg at a frantic
pace— there is often very good flying weather in the winter months. — But
they always used to talk about Germany s superiority in the air.

December 9, Saturday

Immediately after the first trip to the dentist Eva got a bad abscess in her
jaw. The worst pains quickly passed, but she was still very much affected
after that, and even now has considerable difficulty chewing, and is phys-
ically weakened by the guaio. Right in the middle of this misery came the
long-expected blow, which nevertheless had a dreadful effect.

DECEMBER 1939

321

On Monday I was in the Jewish Community House, 3 Zeughausstrasse,
beside the burned-down and leveled synagogue, to pay my tax and Winter
Aid. Considerable activity: The coupons for gingerbread and chocolate
were being cut from the food ration cards: in favor of those who have fam-
ily members in the field. The clothing cards had to be surrendered as well:
Jews receive clothing only on special application to the Community. Those
were the kinds of small unpleasantnesses that ho longer count. Then the
Party official present wanted to talk to me: We would in any case have in-
formed you in the next few days, you must leave your house by April 1; you
can sell it, rent it out, leave it empty: that's your business, only you have to
be out; you are entitled to a room. Since your wife is Aryan, you will be al-
located two rooms if possible. The man was not at all uncivil, he also com-
pletely appreciated the difficulties we shall face, without anyone at all
benefiting as a result — the sadistic machine simply rolls over us. Then on
Thursday he was here with Estreicher, the responsible Jewish Community
official, to inspect the place. Again friendly and helpful: You will find it im-
possible anyway to carry on here, from January 1 you will have to fetch all
provisions from one specified place in the city. Estreicher told me I should
discuss the details with him. Eva much more collected than I, although she
will be hit so much harder. Her house, her garden, her activity. She will be
like a prisoner. We also lose the last bit of property, because to rent the house
out would leave us open to harassment, and if we sell it, once the mortgage
has been deducted we are left with a tiny amount that will go into a blocked
account and we shall never be able to put our hands on it again. And what
to do with our furniture, etc.? And our little tomcat will have to be poisoned.
But Eva is holding up and is already making plans for the future. A log cabin
in Lebbin!— Yesterday discussion with Estreicher, who was very friendly
and accommodating, in the Community House. I went away heartened, but
the boost did not last long. In essence Estreicher said: Don't lift a finger, wait
and see what happens. He will keep the matter in his hands, defer it as long
as possible, almost certainly until May, perhaps until June, then he can pro-
vide two rooms for us immediately— and it's such a long time until May. We
all hope. ... It is this mood at the Community House that gives me heart. All
of those working there have already suffered more than we have. Most have
already been in concentration camps, and all of them do their duty with the
calmest tenacity, and all are optimistic. I must make more detailed notes
about these people soon, only I am too tired. Today and in recent days I have
made two shopping trips, housekeeping becomes ever more difficult, takes
up ever more of my day. Poor Curriculum.

At least I am managing a little reading aloud. [ . . . ]

On the Language of the 3rd Reich [...]. If I feel that I no longer have
time for this book, it could be sketched in the last chapter of the Curricu-
lum. But there will probably not be time for that either. My heart is used
up, it protests at every walk into town, at every bit of physical labor (yes-
terday while clearing snow). [ . . . ]

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December 16, Saturday

Last Sunday evening Berger, who has a grocery shop round the comer,
came to see us, very decent man, no Nazi, soldier and NCO in the World
War. I had told his wife that we have to give up the house. He wants to
rent it, for 100M— that is how much it costs us every month, and that is its
taxable rental value — set up his shop in our music room. I said in essence:
Agreed, if nothing has changed by April 1, and if he rents it only for the pe-
riod of time that the regime lasts— (He: perhaps until tomorrow, there is a
great sense of outrage everywhere — but perhaps another 20 years) and if
he keeps the garden in decent condition. We left it at that.

All special allowances have been cut out of our new food ration cards.
But these special allowances are entirely counterbalanced by reductions in
other rations. (E.g., more butter = less margarine.) We are very greatly de-
pressed as a result. Vogel slips me one bar of chocolate after another, and
the butcher writes on the back of a receipt: For Christmas we have put by
a tongue for you. [ . . . ]

For my Curriculum even more than for my Eighteenth Century I am
forced to reflect again and again: No victorious revolution without an
idea. Certainly! But just as certainly: It is not the idea that makes a revolu-
tion, but privation that causes it to break out. And once under way, it de-
viates from the idea.

December 24, Sunday afternoon

Eva is decorating the tree, which I dragged up here with very great diffi-
culty— three shopping trips in one day! But she is even more depressed
than I am. We are simply, so to speak, in extremis. If there is no upheaval,
before we are forced out of the house, then we are pretty much lost. And
whether by April 1 . . . ? Nevertheless this Christmas is not as gloomy as
the last one. Then there was peace, the West seemed to have capitulated fi-
nally, Hitler secure for an indefinite period. But now the decision has been
made and must go against Hitler. For us the only question is When. De-
spite the constant newspaper victories recent weeks have obviously been
very bad for Hitler. First the naval victory and immediately afterward the
self-destruction of the Graf Spee, then the scuttling of the Lloyd ship
Columbus. But above all: the repeated warnings not to listen to the sedi-
tious poisonous lies of the foreign broadcasting stations, together with the
deterrent sentences: 2 XA years prison for a whole family in Danzig, 15
months prison for people in Wiirttemberg and the Rhineland. And the ter-
rible ignominy of Hitler's congratulatory telegram on Stalin's sixtieth
birthday. And the outbursts and protests of neutral countries, which were
previously friendly and whom we were supposed to protect against En-
gland. — We also had signs of growing disaffection from several sides; I
cannot put any faith in them, but they add up. Eichler, the dentist, tells us

DECEMBER 1939

323

everything had been ready for the offensive, it had been called off at the
last moment. The Feders, here for tea the day before yesterday, report dis-
affection in the army. Yesterday Michel Scholze from Piskowitz was here:
all of the Wends listen to foreign broadcasting stations (in the villages!!),
mood in the army and in the navy was bad, a seizure of power by the mil-
itary was expected in the spring, it was widely said that Fritsch had not
been killed by a Polish bullet before Warsaw. (But warning to myself: the
Wends are Catholic and Slav and therefore oppositional, and Michel
Scholze already counted on the army in vain years ago. — Popular feeling:
Yesterday Berger, the shopkeeper: Look, you don't have any coupons for
sweets— here's a box of chocolates! Of course, Berger sells me the box and
is reckoning on our house. Nevertheless . . . And today, completely disin-
terested, brave and truly kind: Frau Maria Haeselbarth — I no longer re-
member her maiden name— once my student from the Pedagogical
Institute, now married to a lawyer, they have a house on the Kirschberg,
she has brought us our food ration cards since September, knows our sit-
uation, we have talked frequently. So today she turns up: because we
didn't get a number of coupons, and because she was in a better position
because of her three children, she was bringing us a couple of Christmas
gifts. Namely: two big scallops of veal, an egg, a tin of ersatz honey, a bar
of chocolate, two gingerbreads, a pair of socks, two tins of milk and half a
liter of opened skimmed milk. On top of all that a book by Reinhold
Schneider, which has just appeared: Corneille's Ethos. We were both deeply
moved. These extraordinary times. These are presents one gives a profes-
sor! It is an expression of courage and a profession of opposition. It is a
most significant symptom of the general mood. — In return I gave her
Germinal and, with the dedication "with sincere thanks," the Wilbrandt.
She had never heard of him. I wanted to give her my Corneille; but she al-
ready had it. For New Year Eva is going to crochet a cardigan and send it
over, and I shall add another book. I spoke quite openly to the woman:
"He is lost and beyond hope, he has been delivered into the hands of his
enemies. But for us: Either this is our last bad Christmas or our last
Christmas altogether. All the details of the Haeselbarth business are to be
used in the last chapter of the Curriculum. Perhaps in it I shall be distrib-
utor gloriae. I must also note how people scrambled for alcohol, mostly in
vain. Thanks to Vogel and other efforts I myself managed to assemble
quite an amount of things. 73M from Natscheff was very helpful.

New Year's Eve '39, Sunday evening

This Christmas and New Year's Eve we are decidedly worse off than last
year, we are threatened with the confiscation of the house — despite that I
feel better than I did then; there is movement now, and then everything
was stagnating. I am now convinced that National Socialism will collapse
in the coming year. Perhaps we shall perish with it— but it will certainly

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end, and with it, one way or another, the terror. Shall we manage to save
house and tomcat, however? — We have lit our nice Christmas tree every
night and intend to do so again today

As far as writing is concerned I can actually be pleased with 1939: close
to 200 very closely typed pages of the Curriculum are finished, 6 A chap-

ters. , , '

I force myself to hope but not to think about it. Each day has to be got
out of the way bit by bit: the housework, food for us and the cat, reading
aloud and a little writing.

By way of thanks Eva sent Frau Haeselbarth a cardigan she had cro-
cheted herself, I enclosed Keller's novellas Sinngedicht. Frau Haeselbarth
gave our stuttering cleaning woman a mysterious message for us. We
should not be too anxious about the house, perhaps— she had it from a re-
liable source— "it would not happen at all." Likewise Vogel said to me re-
cently: It's a long time until April, soo much can happen before then. Is it
just talk, or are people expecting a revolution? At any rate a Christmas like
those in the dugout. Di doman . . .

I believe the pogroms of November '38 made less impression on the na-
tion than cutting the bar of chocolate for Christmas.

1940

January 13, Saturday evening

[ . . . ] Yesterday the SA official at the Jewish Community was here for the
second time because of our house. If I want to rent, the Party supplies the
tenant, for example from among those being repatriated— we are not enti-
tled to propose anyone. That means things are even more unfavorable for
us than we previously assumed. Also from February 15 we are forced to
fetch our rationed goods from one particular shop in the city. — Greatly
depressed, especially Eva. We try desperately to believe that a reversal
will occur in time, but it is not a very firm belief. The war will make no
progress before spring, and God alone knows how it will develop then.
Natscheff was very pessimistic today: England reckons on three years,
and England has never yet miscalculated.

[...]

Every day only a dozen lines of the Curriculum: from morning till night
household errands and kitchen, in the late afternoon and evening reading
aloud and always tiredness and the desire to think of nothing, to keep
one's nerve, to give Eva a good example. The situation is made infinitely
more difficult by the unsuspecting tomcat, whom we keep alive with al-
most the whole of our meat ration and for whom our moving out will be a
death sentence. Eva is passionately fond of the poor creature, which is ba-
sically better off than we are. At Paschky's they had crayfish in tins at
1.20M unrationed for a while, I feed the cat with that, when there is no
meat. Reserve 14 tins; how long will they last?

Rumors going around; Frau Haeselbarth recently: They will get troops
to England in airplanes. Madness; but people still believe in England's
guilt and Germany's victory. And by the time that changes, we shall be
done for. Yesterday Natscheff slipped me the Stampa; very interesting, but
also no more than hypotheses, about Russia, Finland, Sweden. Everything
remains in the dark.

January 21, Sunday evening

The frost stopped for only two days, then continuously 15 degrees below
at night, 11 at midday. We now place hopes on the frost. Daily in the mili-
tary bulletin: English reconnaissance planes entering Germany from Hol-
land. They want to put the blame for the breach of neutrality at England's
door. Natscheff says there are 40 German divisions at the Dutch border. It

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

is protected by flooded fens, and this floodwater is now frozen. So we
daily expect the invasion. Natscheff says it nearly happened recently, and
then the risk had once more not been taken and would not be taken either.
I said: He will have to. Internal pressure drives him to it, the cold is against
him. There is a shortage of potatoes, there is a shortage of coal. (We were
lucky: a few days ago Schinke delivered 65 hundredweight of coke.) The
sooner the battle begins, the sooner the outcome will be decided. Perhaps
still in time for us after all. We talk about it day after day. But the waiting
gets harder every day.

Nevertheless I go on working at the Curriculum. [ . . . 1
Meat and foodstuffs coupons have been taken away from us again; the
policeman came to fetch them. Butter shortage increasingly a problem for
all three of us. In Paschky's, the fishmonger, I was given a small bag of
potatoes as a present.

[...]

February 11, Sunday

Today I finished the typewritten manuscript of Chapter VII and with it
Volume I of the Curriculum. About 70 typewritten pages. Worked on it
since November 14. I counted it out today. This whole Volume I until
Father's death should [ . . . ] come to around 450 printed pages. It will be
about four weeks work to make a copy of Chapter VII, then go over the
whole volume. Till about the middle of April. Vanitas vanitatum: My opus
will probably never appear. — What will happen after the middle of
April? Go on with the Curriculum or not go on at all? Dios dir&.

It is still uncertain whether we shall be allowed to keep the house be-
yond April 1. They may perhaps close their eyes until June 1. And then?

Everything continues unchanged, the inactivity in the West, the war
against shipping at sea. The question whether the offensive will begin in
the spring and how it will turn out. It is impossible to assess anything.

The heavy frost stopped for two days and then started again. Instead
of the missing potatoes the Aryans have been given an extra 3Yi pounds of
bread, the Jews 2 pounds. Also parts of the meat and foodstuffs cards
have again been stopped for Jews. I now receive the cards from the Jew-
ish Community. I also had to fetch the potato coupon (contingency
coupon) from there, it was refused me in Dolzschen. On the other hand
the threatened Jewish shop has not been set up yet, and I can buy from
my old suppliers until March 10. They give me especially plentiful
amounts of marked-down goods. Moral's imagination was always with
the Colorado beetle. The frost is said to have penetrated 30 inches below
the surface and destroyed many potatoes in the pits. Colorado beetle sub-
stitute.

Everyday there are prison sentences for listening to enemy broadcasts.
Reason: The nation must be protected from the subversive poison of lies.

MARCH 1940

329

In the Freiheitskampf they are now threatening the death sentence for lis-
tening illegally.

On January 30 Hitler spoke very combatively. But was it really notice of
an offensive?

[•..]

March 17, Sunday evening

More than a month without a diary entry, I can no longer rouse myself to
keep it up. I spend whatever time is not taken up with domestic chores on
the fair copy (and revision) of the Curriculum. The piece is now called
Book II and is slowly being finished.

Apart from that the waiting, which wears one down. It appears (no cer-
tainty) that we will be allowed to go on living here until May or June.
Yesterday I had to see the mayor: young man in SA uniform, not discour-
teous, not even excessively dislikable. A tenant was interested in my
house; if he does not like it, then they will perhaps not put me under pres-
sure. The interested party came and found the house unsuitable. So an-
other reprieve probably. So not a single hour of certainty.

Situation absolutely obscure. Will Hitler attack? Sometimes I think: He
must. The food shortage is ever more serious. The frost has abated re-
cently, but it is still very cold, we have to heat, there is a shortage of coal,
of potatoes, of fat, of fish, etc., etc. For a while everything seemed to point
to an offensive; now they seem to be backing away: Our successes have al-
ready been sooo great, we can wait, we can hold out for seven years. The
most insoluble and yet decisive riddle is the mood of the people. What
does it believe? All the world curses and complains. But I believe most are
patient and trust what is drummed into them. A couple of weeks ago a
trade agreement (yet another one) with Russia was published: Vogel Sr.,
who should after all have some idea about transportation matters, was
beaming as he told me, now everything will improve. Two weeks ago Italy
gave way to the English: It will no longer import German coal by sea.
Proof, first of all, of the effectiveness of the English blockade, secondly of
the sincerity of Italian friendship and of Italy's will to go to war. Here this
was immediately turned into a triumph of German-Italian friendship over
English blackmail: Germany will get 12 million tons of coal to Italy by
land!!! How many millions take that at face value, how many millions do
not? Who believes that the blockade is ineffective, that England is suffer-
ing more than Germany? Who believes that the Russo-Finnish peace
treaty is a serious defeat for the English and French? Rumors and mood
change from day to day, from person to person. Whom do I see, to whom
do I listen? Natscheff, Berger, the grocer; the cigar dealer in Chemnitzer
Strasse, who is a freemason, the charwoman, whose forty-year-old son is
stationed in the West and who is on leave just now, the coal heavers. Vox
populi disintegrates into voces populi. [ . . . ] — I often ask myself where all

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the wild anti-Semitism is. For my part I encounter much sympathy, people
help me out, but fearfully of course. The women in the fishmonger's,
Vogel, Berger, Frau Haeselbarth. [ . . . ] Yesterday I met Moses, the green-
grocer, up in the village; he only rarely comes by now-lack of goods. "If
you're not ashamed to carry a sack?" I was not ashamed and was given an
unfrozen cabbage, a rutabaga and carrots— all rare delicacies. In addition
a present of a bread coupon. Moses has repeatedly given Eva potatoes. It
is well known that we are allocated fewer coupons than "comrades of the
people."

Hitler's speeches have become pious recently. First he talked about his
belief in Providence. On the Day of Commemoration of Heroes he
"humbly" hoped "for the grace of Providence."

Eye pains and sensitivity to light very frequent, in addition Eva, who
has a great deal of cooking to do, tires quickly. Thus there is relatively lit-
tle reading aloud. Also we had little luck with reading matter recently (es-
pecially as Natscheff's choice is becoming ever poorer). [ . . . ]

And all day and every day the pressure: What is going to happen?

March 31, Sunday morning before seven

Every day I think an entry is important with respect to the future Curricu-
lum chapter and then omit it after all, because nothing changes. Con-
stantly and destructively left hanging in the air, and that is as true of
private as of general matters. Is the offensive coming? When? And when
do we have to be out of here?

For weeks they've been collecting a "voluntary metal donation" (al-
though they say the blockade is ineffective) for the occasion of the
Fiihrer's birthday with every sentimental trick (old dears making sacri-
fices and the like) in the book. Yesterday decree with immediate effect:
Anyone profiting by the metal collection will be sentenced to death for
committing a crime against the Great German War of Liberation. — I have
the impression that the war in the air is not going according to expecta-
tions. Rare and minor successes against convoys. No matter how much
they make out of it in the press, it's not much. Visit from the Feders, other-
wise quite alone. The Feders came on the day I had just completed the
draft notes so I read aloud from them. I shall have to spend another month
making corrections to the volume, I have not worked through Book I at all,
I manage no more than seven pages daily. [ . . . ] Neumann, "the small
Winter Aid," formerly cigarette company secretary, now with the Jewish
Community, mid-fifties, Hungarian Jew, a friend of ours since the begin-
ning of the winter, came to make his farewell visit: was suddenly added to
a group that is going to Palestine (Vienna— Danube steamer). The man is
fortunate: someone is already looking out for him there (the "Comit£"),
finding him some kind of work. His wife goes with him, his son long ago
in the USA. One of the common fates. — The Lublin business must have

APRIL 1940

331

made a terrible impression abroad (sudden deportation of the Stettin
Jews), about which there are only rumors here: in the newspaper an arti-
cle about German civilizing work on the Lublin Ghetto. — Grete has
moved from Friedrichshagen to stay with Heinz Machol in Charlotten-
burg.

April 10, Wednesday

Situation ever more dismal. The house compulsorily rented out from June
1, to Berger, who will set up shop in our music room, our own home still
unsettled. — Meeting with the emigration adviser of the Jewish Commu-
nity, result less than zero: You really must get out — we see no possibility.
American-Jewish committees support only observant Jews. The office re-
sponsible for you is Pastor Gruber, who lacks funds. Yesterday, April 9, oc-
cupation of Denmark and Norway. Estreicher: "Don't you think that they
will land in England in four weeks?" I acted as if I did not believe it; but in
truth I begin to believe a German final victory probable, something I had
at first considered impossible.

Both Eva and I in very poor health, the bottom has been reached. Revi-
sion of the Curriculum wrested with ever greater effort from eyes that are
increasingly failing me. Busy with that until the end of the month.

Yet another farewell visit from "small Winter Aid," this time with still
youthful wife. [ . . . ]

April 13

A big English newspaper headlines its appeal to the whole Empire: "Israel
arise!" Puritan of course. Our press responded to that without comment:
"altogether characteristic" (i.e., for Judaization). [ . . . ]

April 19

I arranged a short tenancy agreement with Berger; Dolzschen parish
forced a different agreement on me through the district headquarters of
the NSDAP. According to it the house is rented out for two years, I am not
allowed to enter it without permission from the local authority, I am not
allowed to make any demand of the tenant without its permission, I grant
him first right of purchase at the fixed price of 16,600M through entry of
this paragraph in the land register. The contract is such a piece of extortion
and instrument of future harassment that we wanted to sell the house to
Berger right away. But we would thereby lose everything: 4,600M would
go into our blocked account, and even if we ever saw it again — the mark
is worth just 3 pfennigs, Estreicher told me. So I signed (reservatio not

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only mentalis, but also oralis to Berger: "Extortion/' right of appeal re-
served), applied to have the entry made in the Land Register, accepted the
potential harassment, retained a last small hope of salvaging a little
money. Eva says that she too is now so disgusted with Dolzschen, she is
weaving plans for a future new start somewhere on the Baltic.

At the moment utter uncertainty. Estreicher says he will find something
as good as possible for us, perhaps two rooms and kitchen; but as yet he
has not, and we must clear this house by May 25. The question of cost is
also a burden: The cost of moving, renting storage space, and the agreement
even forces me to have the fence here painted. All of it now out of a pension
of 400M without any reserve whatsoever. I am overcome by fear, but only
intermittently; I cannot lose more than the house and my last penny; and as
a beggar, like countless others who have been turned into beggars, I avail
myself of public assistance, i.e., the assistance of the Jewish Community.

Estreicher is a curious fellow. A Jew and in charge of allocating accom-
modation. Feder, Neumann, etc. warn against him: spy, informer, takes
bribes. But so far the man has been very friendly to me, and his advice not
to sell the house certainly contradicts his Nazi instructions; because they
want Jewish private houses sold "voluntarily, in order to avoid the
odium of expropriation. Perhaps I shall also be deceived by Estreicher; but
what difference does it make? I am under any circumstances helpless and
without rights.

Politically I no longer see the situation as gloomily as on the day of the
occupation of Norway. "Israel" really does seem to have arisen, and Nor-
way seems to have been too big and indigestible a mouthful. We follow
the battles for Narvik with desperate interest. Big German victory reports,
among them guarded admissions of difficult situation and heavy losses; in
addition the news via Natscheff. (Yesterday another series of prison sen-
tences for people listening to foreign broadcasts!) Most of all we speculate
on the role of the German air force; much suggests its great effectiveness
and superiority, much also suggests the opposite. It is impossible to make
sense of it. The military bulletin always reports English cruisers destroyed
but never says anything about German losses. Three cruisers in one day.
that is tremendous; but if the German bombers are so absolutely irre-
sistible, why is a fleet still blockading Narvik at all, how could English
troops get to Norway, why is there still a single ship unharmed in Scapa
Flow??? I cannot type enough question marks.

The constant trips to the Jewish Community, the nuisance of house-
work, the pressure on one's soul: my poor work! Book I has now been cor-
rected, which took about five weeks. Perhaps Book II, more painstakingly
polished, will go more quickly.

I am reading aloud: Maurois' Edouard VII et son temps (in the original).

Grete is now living with Heinz Machol. She seems to be in danger of
going blind. Perhaps we can visit her for a couple of hours in June after the
move. Eva has not left the garden plot for months now; she needs to have
her hair cut; she cannot, since it is next to impossible to get hold of a taxi.

APRIL 1940

333

April 29

On the twenty-seventh I was at last able to consider the first volume of the
Curriculum finished. Whether there will be a second and how it will come
about is very much open to question. Leafing through the Munich period
has so far been utterly unproductive. At least until my doctorate, indeed
up to the stay in Paris there is a complete lack of material.

Awfulness of the housing business. On Saturday, Estreicher, so far
quite courteous, showed us two rooms in a villa on Caspar David
Friedrich Strasse (formerly Josephs trasse). Very nice, but also with great
drawbacks. I was supposed to meet the co-tenant, a Frau Voss, in his of-
fice on Monday, and then discuss the matter further. I looked at the rooms
with Eva (taxi, her first into town for months, her terrible mane cut). It
was self-evident that a number of questions still had to be settled with
Frau Voss, etc. on Monday; also we had not yet seen anything but these
two rooms. At my first question Estreicher became extremely presump-
tuous, I was ungrateful, I should be throwing my arms around him, I had
to decide immediately, etc., etc. He began to shout and threatened that in
his omnipotence he would allocate me an impossible single room. I was
enraged, I jumped up, struck the desk with my fist and bellowed at him,
to behave like a gentleman. It was a frightful scene, I paid for it with real
heart trouble and am still shattered today. After we had both raved at
each other for a long time I took the rooms, Frau Voss will come at twelve
so that we can discuss things further together. — I had been repeatedly
warned about Estreicher, by Neumann, by Feder, he took bribes, he was a
spy for the NSDAP. I had always hoped to be able to curb him with
friendliness. Yesterday, partly in the presence of the woman, partly be-
tween the two of us, the man said a couple of things that belong in the
chapter on the 3rd Reich. In her presence: I should be particularly grate-
ful, he could have given this paradise to an Orthodox Jew and was giving
it to me, who was only now coming to the Community. Afterward in pri-
vate: "People have already been begging me on their knees here and of-
fering me two and three hundred marks and I threw them out and you,
for whom I do so much, are ungrateful!" Then his injured vanity showed
itself: "The mayor of Dolzschen was right in his judgment of you on the
telephone — he did not know that I am a Jew. You want to be the great
man, you are the famous scholar, and I am only little Estreicher! — But I
am an official, and if I had not made allowances for your unworldliness,
when I reported to Party District Headquarters . . ." Admittedly I had
replied in the presence of the woman: "Why do you give a single woman
two rooms?" Ultimately I did not want to continue the quarrel. I said I
was certainly indebted to him, only I simply could not tolerate his tone.
He played the offended innocent, who is used to ingratitude, the decent
man, who despite everything makes allowances for the "unworldliness"
of the scholar (for the third time). He signed the apartment over to me, we
even shook hands. He said majestically, this business was over and done

334

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with, our paths would not cross again. My response was very friendly
but he may have detected something else in it: One can never be sure of
that. — The man is worse than any real Nazi. Eva says he made an un-
pleasant impression on her from the start because of the pinched look
around his eyes and forehead. — Of course I am once again most dissat-
isfied of all with my own stance. Too brusque at first and then far too
ready to give way. [ . . . ]

German victories over the English in Norway; I now firmly believe that
the war will be won by Germany after all. But it will have to hurry with
the victory. Latest cutback in foodstuffs: Cake will now only be provided
against bread coupons.

May 3, Friday

Very gloomy days, and my heart is causing me such problems that I do not
give myself much more time. I am convinced I am suffering from the be-
ginnings of angina pectoris. Partly reassuring was the visit by Frau Voss
the day before yesterday, with whom we must henceforth live. Unaf-
fected, rather, as Eva rightly says, possessing a Berlin bluntness, seem-
ingly sensible and not uneducated. Vedremo — there will be more to write
about her. For the time being: She likes animals and raises no objection to
Muschel. Meanwhile, however, the meat ration is so low that we shall not
be able to save him anyway. That is our main worry today. On top of that
there is the heavy defeat of the English at Andalsnse. What will become of
the world, if Germany wins? And of us? Voges populi: Berger: "They say
Gibraltar and the Suez Canal will be taken now."— Today a teller at the
bank to a messenger: "Now we'll get the English. The Jews are already
fleeing England. We'll put them where we can make use of them. And
now the Italians will take Gibraltar."

I met Feder at the Jewish Community (where I had to wait an hour and
a quarter for our ration cards). He also: "I do not think it impossible that
the Italians and Spanish will together take Gibraltar."— Vogel, the grocer:
"In six weeks England will be completely finished!" Whispered: "Not be-
cause of our planes, but because of our new artillery." — So everyone here
is convinced of German final victory. I was out and about for hours. Aside
from bank and Community: moving company. The one recommended to
me by "small Winter Aid" did not have any storage space. I contacted our
old moving firm by telephone. Tomorrow to the Land Registry. Because of
the entry granting first right of purchase to Berger, which was forced on
me. Read aloud a great deal recently. [ . . . ]

No one will help us. To the Jews I am apostate. I should be informed in
writing about emigration consultation; this did not happen. They say I be-
long with Pastor Gruber's group. But this group is quite without funds.

MAY 1940

335

May 8, Wednesday

Unable to work. Only diaries up to Naples and reading Paleologue aloud
(with complete loss of enthusiasm for Napoleon).

Constantly running errands. I had to pay the Land Registry 54M for the
entry. Today I signed to settle the final details of the move by the moving
company. The packers on the twenty-third, out on the twenty-fourth. Cost
250-260M. Agreement on four installments. I shall not be able to afford
everything from the pension (storage rent 30M, two rooms in Caspar
David Friedrich Strasse 65M, in addition water and light also paid sepa-
rately there, laundry given out). I have to see that I get some money from
Annemarie Kohler. I had wanted to break with her completely, since she
has not been here since autumn (pleaded heart trouble, as if she had not
taken a taxi before); I can no longer afford to be sensitive. So I telephoned
her today, and tomorrow afternoon we shall be in Pima. — Today called
for emigration consultation at the Jewish Community in the morning. A
slightly overbearing, not discourteous gentleman from Leipzig. Quite
hopeless. Only " reality" Shanghai, one can wait there to be allowed into
the United States if a member of one's family advances the passage and
400 dollars, and as long as the 400 dollars last. But I have had no word
from Georg since April '39. 1 wrote him a card as a greeting for May 10, a
kind of "message in a bottle."

Berger, the shopkeeper, who will get our house and is building a flight
of steps for access to the terrace, is here at least once a day. An altogether
good-natured man, helps us out with ersatz honey, etc., is completely anti-
Hitlerist, but is of course pleased at the good exchange.

The Feders visited us on Sunday. Not great minds, but cheering opti-
mists. Maintain there is an internal crisis looming, protest attacks, like the
harmless bomb at the Technical University here in Dresden (broken win-
dowpanes), had occurred in various cities, there had been an attempt to
assassinate Himmler, there existed a group with the motto: "Everything
for Germany, nothing for Hitler," the government will fall, even if Ger-
many were victorious.

Will it be victorious? Long discussion with Natscheff and his young
man Minkwitz. Natscheff still does not really believe that Italy will inter-
vene, still believes that Chamberlain will turn out to be right with his
"Three years of war!" but has of course begun to waver. The English de-
feat in Norway puzzles everyone. He talked about the mood in Italy: the
Royal House, the Vatican, also the people against war, Mussolini for, but
will only strike if he is convinced that the war will not last longer than
three months, the decisive blitzkrieg (the latest catchphrase) of the Ger-
mans certain. Is he convinced after the Norwegian catastrophe? That is the
question. Bulgaria (Natscheff is Bulgarian) has declared that it will not re-
sist a Turkish invasion if Germany does not deliver tanks and airplanes,
but Germany short of material, cannot deliver. It has promised Romania

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100 Messerschmitts in exchange for oil and not yet delivered a single one.
— Natscheff does not believe in a reversal inside Germany, people are pa-
tient, cowardly and loyal to Hitler.

I find many an analogy to the present in the Paleologue. Napoleon's
megalomania, the unscrupulous offer to leave Poland to the Russians if he
is given the hand of a sister of the Czar in marriage, how Talleyrand and
Caulaincourt betray him, how people reckon on his certain fall because his
power is overextended, his gobbling up of Europe unsustainable in the
long term.

Toward evening

Berger. He has given us some ersatz honey (officially only available with
children's coupons), sees the cartons in the hall, is horrified. "In another
container please, don't leave them here , destroy the boxes. Otherwise I
could be in a hell of a lot of trouble."— Yet illegal deals are going on every-
where. [Berger says:] The price of lettuce is fixed. That's what goes on to
the invoice. But if I don't give the market gardener 2M on top of that, I
don't get any lettuce. — There is no asparagus to be had at the fruit and
vegetable market today. People drive into the country, buy privately, take
a bit of butter or margarine or a bottle of oil with them. — Today I stood in
for an acquaintance and took a load for him. (Berger was a driver during
the war.) The whole car full of chocolates. [ . . . ] Where were they going?
Of course it was illegal. Yet there are "informers" everywhere.

May 9

At two by taxi to Caspar David Friedrich Strasse. Frau Voss just moving
in. Tremendously talkative. Eva measured out walls. — Then by bus to
Pima. Cordially received by Annemarie, who with her puffy face really
does look ailing. Perhaps her staying away really was not intended as a
slight to us. At any rate she was warm and open, and we arranged to meet
as planned. The whole district covered in fruit blossom. — In our garden
Berger and his mason took apart what Eva had so elaborately and labori-
ously laid out.

Frau Voss talked about Estreicher: "Apart from money I had to give
him a wardrobe and opera glasses as a present 'for his boy.' He didn t
want to keep his word to you and put other people in with me. Estreich-
er's position is unassailable; you are more likely to be put in a camp than
get him put in one. Faulstich (the representative of the local Party, whom
the Jews call Muller, the man who inspected my house) needs and sup-
ports him."

After Paleologue, whom we shall finish today, I shall read Talleyrand by
Duff Cooper. Today Annemarie lent me Haig by the same author.

MAY 1940

337

Only a bare typewritten page of Curriculum. I am not making progress
with the second part.

May 11, Saturday morning

Yesterday, May 10 (Georg's seventy-fifth birthday), the offensive through
Holland and Belgium began "at dawn." Naturally a "counterattack" to
"ward off the hostile invasion at the last moment." The whole "staging,"
Hitler's proclamation with the famous "thousand years," his assumption
of command of the operation(!) shows that everything will be decided now.
If he does not win (even if he is fought to draw), he will fall. In terms of the
philosophy of history Montesquieu is right: "The Republic would have
fallen, even if Caesar had not crossed the Rubicon." True— but when would
it have fallen? Historical development takes more time than an individual
human being has. And I fear Hitler's halo of invincibility.

[...]

May 14

After the initial successes (Li£ge, Northern Holland) I no longer think it
impossible that Hitler will enter London on August 1. (The "new weapon"
in the storming of Liege — the parachutists. Perhaps more than mere bluff.)
I am reading Duff Cooper's Talleyrand aloud. What parallels to the
present! But once again: The historical balance sheet is no comfort for the
individual. It all takes too long. — Frau Voss here yesterday afternoon. —
Today alarming letter from Heinz Machol, Grete's mental condition ap-
pears to have suffered, as Trude Scherk already indicated a couple of days
ago. Where can she go?

May 16, Thursday evening

Perhaps the gloomiest wedding anniversary we have ever celebrated.
The chaos of the move has begun, nine tenths of our furniture has to go
into storage, much written and printed matter, which we had preserved
for so long, is being destroyed as ballast. Berger is building the steps to
his shop in the garden and destroying what took Eva years to make. And
with all of that the wretched feeling that a favorable change in our situa-
tion can by no means be assumed. The successes in the West are prodi-
gious, and the nation is intoxicated. All Holland, half Belgium taken, the
superiority of the pilots, etc. Berger today: "In the market hall they're say-
ing Hitler will speak in London on May 26." And further: "And then
Gibraltar and Suez will fall." Moral concepts have also become com-
pletely confused. "Hitler only wants what belongs to Germany, and be-

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sides he has always promised to keep the peace." And Poland? — "We're
leaving most of it to Russia and are really only taking what was German
before, at most Warsaw as well." And Czechoslovakia? "Well, it's not
viable as a separate state anyway." Hitler's about-face from anti-
Bolshevism to friend of Russia and everything else is forgotten: "He only
wants peace, that's what he's always promised." — It is impossible or al-
most impossible to avoid the general influence and not reckon on the
"lightning victory" (note lightning victory and counterattack for the Lan-
guage tertii imperii!) and the fantastic landing in England. And yet we
simply cannot believe that England and France will allow themselves to
be destroyed. Today the first small pause, the first small damping in the
triumphal reports since May 10: "The enemy has taken up battle posi-
tions between Antwerp and Namur." Hitler is like a boxer who must win
in the first round; he cannot last two rounds. Will England and France be
able to take the punishment?

May 21, Tuesday

Since Friday in the midst of the chaos of the move and myself more ac-
tively involved in it than ever before. It's a matter of getting rid of all bal-
last. We can take very little with us, most has to go into storage. Every day
the French collapse makes a bigger impact on the move. The victory of
Hitler's Germany seems certain. And since that means every prospect of
us returning to our old hearth disappears, I should like to extend the con-
cept of ballast to almost everything I own and am virtually ravaging my
past. Whole piles of books [ . . . ] have been removed, e.g., all poetry by
Adler, Salus, Brod, long runs of picture newspapers by the box load. (Only
the handsome-looking Uhu is left. It is not only handsome, there is a
breath of a freer time in them, a kind of dix-huitieme spirit.) Every one of
the reprints I collected in twenty years as a university teacher, all the re-
views of my work 1904-1933; I am keeping two copies of each of my stud-
ies, so a mountain of reprints is staying here. All handwritten copies of
printed things remain here; likewise theater programs, letters and similar
mementos (but the big cinema programs with their amusing pictures will
be preserved). All old lecture notes. [ . . . ] Berger will be surprised at his
inheritance. To C.D.F. Strasse goes everything that is important to the Cur-
riculum: a great amount of paper from the time of the war and the revolu-
tion. To Annemarie goes one copy each of the completed parts of the
Curriculum and of the Eighteenth Century.

We are both most deeply depressed by the incomprehensible course of
events. It destroys our future. Eva, already badly worn down by all the
moving work, has quite wasted away in recent days. I myself am suffering
greatly from heart and bladder complaints, am very apathetic. [ . . . ]

The unordered, but undoubtedly valuable stamp collection also goes to
Annemarie together with a suitcase of linen. Instruction with respect to

MAY 1940

339

my manuscripts: Should anything befall me they are to be given to Dres-
den State Library, after a change of circumstances.

May 22, Wednesday evening

Principal activity of this day: burning, burning, burning for hours on end:
heaps of letters, manuscripts. Irritates the eyes, the stuff has to be turned
again and again, otherwise the manuscript pages, all on top of one an-
other, only bum at the edges.

French defeat is becoming a catastrophe. Latest propaganda tenet: The
true military genius, to whom everything is owed, is Hitler himself. [ . . . ]

Berger is building steps as an entrance to our terrace. Today he re-
moved stretches of fencing in front of our garden. Now there are yawning
gaps.

Breakthrough on our front. — Reynaud, the French Prime Minister, is
supposed to have said in the Senate, he still believes a miracle will come
as deliverance.

We try hard not to despair.

Jews' House, 15B Caspar David Friedrich Strasse

May 26, Sunday morning

A handsome villa, too cramped, too "modem" in style, stuffed full of peo-
ple, who all share the same fate. Wonderfully situated amid greenery. Old
parkland divided into lots, meadow and fields behind the strip of trees
and gardens; when we stand on the balcony, which does not face the
street, then our view is cut off on the right by a rock-dash wall, on the left
by a hospital. The street fairly narrow, on the other side also villas, gar-
dens, sanatoria, villas. The nearest thoroughfare leading to the city (also a
parkway, not an unbroken street): Teplitzer Strasse (bus to Pima and
through bus). Wasaplatz, large and green, is a few hundred yards farther
along C.D.F. Strasse. Next to it is the older Strehlen development with a
few shops. All of it amid an abundance of lilac, chestnut blossom, spring
in all its forms. Really splendid the magnificent gardens on wide Water-
loostrasse with the police station and the very modem building (each
floor a kind of filebox) of post office A 20. In short Dresden at its best. So
far so good: otherwise a most terrible state of affairs; there are many mo-
ments in the day when one would wish to be dead and buried. And mean-
while Calais will probably fall today, and the Third Reich's prospects of
victory are very high, to say the least.

On Thursday, the twenty-third, the packer played havoc in Dolzschen,
on Friday, the twenty-fourth, loading up took until one. Arrived here in a
taxi with remaining pieces and with Muschel. Everything was unloaded by

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five. I washed myself properly for the last time at half past five on Friday
morning, since then day and night in the same sweaty shirt, teeth not
brushed, shaved once in citta. Two rooms, the larger, more elegant one with
a parquet floor (unfortunately) and a balcony is the bedroom, the other the
living room. The two do not have a connecting door. Hallway in between.
Even today still a tangled chaos in both. MuscheTs box, garden peat, bread,
crockery, beds, suitcases, furniture — all inextricable. The misfortune was,
that large, packed wardrobes had to be taken apart here because the stairs
were too narrow. Now Eva is putting things back in them, and since we
haven't made room to breathe, we can't get any further. In between we had
and have to wash dishes. I went up to our old district, did the shopping at
Vogel's and Janik, the butcher, at Pashky's, "our" fishmonger — they had
flounder — at "my" little cigar shop. On Friday evening, for the first time
since the beginning of the war, we went to the railway station and ate what
was available without coupons. (Too expensive for us to do often, more
than 4M.) Jews are now allowed to be out until nine o'clock.

The greatest loss of time is caused by the constant fussing interference
of strangers. Frau Voss, fifties, very well-to-do non- Aryan widow of the
Aryan director of the Public Insurance Institute of Saxon Savings Banks
(formerly a Catholic priest), is a somewhat childish, barely educated,
somewhat petty bourgeois woman, good-natured, helpful, very much in
need of company, tremendously talkative. She appears when Eva is still
lying in bed, she breakfasts on the balcony. On the day we moved in she
twice invited us for real tea, yesterday she prepared our flounder — we in
turn had to help wash her crockery. Thus there is very great promiscuity,
which hopefully will not lead to friction, but of course strains the nerves
even without friction. Best about Frau Voss is her great affection for
Muschel, an immediately reciprocated affection. That makes many things
a great deal easier. It is not easy for the poor animal to get used to the small
space, and of course the business with the box is a very great difficulty for
us. — Frau Voss is not the only fussbudget, even if she is the principal one.
The house is really a community, all of whose members truly share the
same fate, and we shall have to make visits. Kreidl, the owner, lives above
us, early sixties, originally head clerk of a bank, below us his widowed
sister-in-law, who also had to leave her own house, all kinds of people
with her besides. So far only conversations on the landing. The subject of
course always: what there was and what I had before; further: which way
will the war go?

On this alternating hope and hopelessness. Yesterday a visitor for Frau
Voss: a gray-haired Frau Aronade, who knew Moral well; she talked about
her sons abroad, one a Zionist, "retraining" in Holland, after he was
forced to abandon his interpreting studies in Heidelberg. The usual con-
versations for and against Zionism, which I equated with Hitlerism. Frau
Feder was here for a moment to console and welcome us with flowers and
a packet of tea. — So our whole lifestyle has suddenly been transformed.
But it is still quite impossible to know whether a tolerable existence can be

MAY 1940

341

established here. Between writing individual lines I carry every kind of
thing to Eva, the morning is gone, and as yet there are still only small
clearings to be seen in the bedroom, whereas here complete chaos is ram-
pant, crockery on my desk, the piano piled high, chests, etc. everywhere
on the floor. It will go on like this for another two, three days. The Cur-
riculum came to a standstill in Dolzschen after ten pages of the second
volume (summer semester Munich 1912).

Today shocking letter from Trude Scherk about Grete. I was prepared
for it by news in recent weeks, but not for something as bad as this. She
has been in a mental asylum in Bemau for a week now. Persecution mania
due to sclerosis of the brain. For a long time she believed that the Machols
were stealing from her, then she imagined the wife wanted to poison her,
and fled to Trude Scherk. She was already very difficult when she last
stayed with us in Dolzschen, that is more than two years ago. But Frau
Kemlein in Strausberg knew how to deal with her. After she had to leave
there everything took a turn for the worse; first she was in a home in
Friedrichshagen, then in a hospital, then in a private pension. Everywhere
it was tolerable at first, then after a few days hell. [ . . . ] We had long ago
made up our minds to visit Grete, I always shied away from it — the diffi-
culties such as lack of money, Muschel, the evening curfew, fear of the im-
pressions we would get in Berlin, our own helplessness in the face of
Grete's complaints. Now I feel emotionally completely cold again. What I
can muster in real love is entirely limited to Eva alone.

The first thing I found waiting for me here was a letter from the Jewish
Community: personal details for the Labor Service; to all Jews from six-
teen to sixty. If I am enlisted for digging, my heart will be the death of me.

Well over half of our furniture went into storage, the rest came here; of
my books only the dictionaries, Lanson and Scherer and Meyer, grammars
of the modem languages and my own scholarly works. A few of the pa-
pers, which I need for the Curriculum, I did not bum, and brought here,
further all letters from wartime and the revolution, finally the handwrit-
ten verses of the Talmud, of which I want to make a typewritten copy
when opportunity arises. Everything else, books and magazines, insofar
as not burned or left lying for Berger, was put in storage, probably never
to be seen again. [ . . . ]

Since the move began, there has been heavy, sultry heat, after the pre-
ceding cold. There was one thunderstorm, repetition threatens at any mo-
ment.

With these notes amid chaos and dreary standing around I have re-
gained a little bit of strength.

May 30, Thursday

Instead of lifting, the chaos is getting ever worse. At the same time the ever
more wretched position of the Entente, the almost certain final victory ter-

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tii imperii. I envy Moral a hundred times a day. I have now already wasted
a week in mess and busy inactivity. Two failed attempts to get on with the
Curriculum. Standing around, going shopping and having to change at
Chemnitzer Platz — here, if one wants to buy a box of matches: "Are you
registered as a customer with me?" — repeatedly washing up the crockery,
far too little of which is available for use and which cannot be put away
anywhere. And the cat. With its box, with its imprisonment. And Frau
Voss, from morning to midnight Frau Voss. Early in the morning she's sit-
ting by Eva's bed, she is there at every meal, she never stops talking.

May 31, Friday

A few gaps in the chaos, a few boxes in the cellar, but still a wasteland,
restlessness. Own work impossible. The terrible lack of space means con-
stant clearing up and washing dishes, on top of that the many errands and
Frau Voss. Who by the by is very good-natured and helpful. Often after-
noon meals together, we help one another out, she prepares some meals
for us, we wash up for her, etc. In the evening tea together, till half past
twelve, "Blessing at Cohns," 2 pfennigs a point. Completely unintellectual
life, many attacks of despair, Eva much braver than I.

The Jews' House: Above us Kreidl, the owner, citizen of the Protectorate,
to that extent somewhat freer. His wife, early forties, probably fifteen
years younger than he, Aryan. Below us, his widowed sister-in-law.

Her husband owned a large sporting goods shop, which their son
(thirty-five years of age) then managed. Competitive fencer with prizes
for foil. Was in a concentration camp for three weeks, his mother in cus-
tody for a week. Foils with the points missing were found behind her
stove. Public prosecutor decided: sports gear, not weapon. Permit for En-
gland. Frau Kreidl Jr. came over five days before the outbreak of war,
Kreidl Jr. detained here. Everybody in the house absolutely certain of Ger-
man victory. Then downstairs, related by marriage in some way, a fat,
brutal-looking Herr Katz, businessman, served as an officer during the
war, is a monomaniac of the German soldierly spirit, his talk is more na-
tionalist than any Nazi, is happy at German victories, contemptuous of the
Entente. "We" shall starve England out, "we are irresistible, invincible." —
The English blockade? "Nebbish the blockade!" — With the others of
course, for all their pessimism, again and again hopes, rumors, secret
news. (American intervention seems more probable, German stocks and
shares fell a few days ago.)

Yesterday evening Kreidl Jr. brought us our ration cards, which he
fetches from the Community for the whole house, and stayed to talk. He
now does nine hours labor service every day with the spade.

Letter from Trude reporting on Grete's condition. She is now allowed to
move freely around the asylum, but she is irremediably mentally ill.

[...]

JUNE 1940

343

June 6

Lack of space, promiscuity, chaos virtually unchanged, never ending
washing up made utterly difficult by the lack of space, constantly doing
shopping over in Dolzschen. Unable to concentrate, a few lines of Cur-
riculum, no reading aloud or reading for myself. Always busy with trifles,
every day the same wretchedness, the same conversations — at the same
time tremendous German victories accompanied by frenzied triumphal
language. Yesterday "countless divisions" left "defensive positions" to
begin new operations to "destroy" our opponents. Every day a torment. In
the evenings calming one's nerves with the card game lottery— in the
mornings the whole miserable situation.

Superior concentration camp.

June 11

Italy in the war since yesterday. Coup-de-grace for England-France?

Yesterday in the newspaper the puzzling withdrawal of the English
from Narvik and the capitulation of Norway. A couple of hours later I read
a note in red pencil on a shop on Wasaplatz. "At 6:45 p.m. the Duce will
speak on all German radio stations." I knew then that the vulture Italy was
joining in. Miserable evening in the Jews' House. Kreidl Sr. said to me:
"We live in a world that has gone. We still believe in England's strength. It
is weak; it will become a very small island state. Italy with its air force will
take everything it wants. Afterward we Jews will be put up against the
wall." Today I heard: A woman comes to see her wounded husband in the
military hospital here; on entering the room she sees a completely muti-
lated person, an ear, one half of the face, an arm have been tom off. She
starts screaming and doesn't stop: It's the Jews' fault! It's the Jews' fault!
— They really will put us up against the wall yet. Frau Voss said: "We'll all
be sent to Lublin!" — This morning in town I was reading the news of
Italy's entry into the war. A respectable-looking woman turned to me:
"The French government has fled Paris. Will they be handed over?"
Sancta Simplicitas. I think there are now 79 million such simplicitates in
Germany. — My absolute despair lasted until the afternoon. Then, al-
though France seems lost, the newspaper gave me new courage. From the
small print, the euphemisms and trivialization I think I can conclude that
England is far from thinking itself beaten and— above all— that American
intervention appears probable.

Nevertheless we are going through the most miserable time. Eva looks
very pale and ill. Getting these far too small rooms in order is proceeding
at the same snail's pace as work on the Curriculum. We have been here al-
most three weeks. I am ten manuscript pages further on (Paris 1913, Uni-
versity populaire). I still do not have anywhere in the house where I can
shave. Reading aloud is an impossibility. Frau Voss comes into our bed-

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room in the morning and onto the balcony; in the evening she sits here
with us and we play "Blessing at Cohns." Rare that a day passes on which
I am spared the long shopping trip to Plauen.

June 23, Sunday

This morning finished the draft manuscript (in parts very rough) of the
"Summa cum laude" chapter. Actually a respectable achievement in view
of the situation. But then again not, because it would destroy me com-
pletely if I were unable to muddle on a little. — Meanwhile everything has
become even gloomier. France! The boundless German triumph. And in
France they are hunting down the " guilty men." Synagogues are said to
have been set on fire in Toulouse and a number of other places, French sol-
diers have fired on English. How does England intend to continue the
fight? And the USA doesn't make a move! The language, the gestures in
the Forest of Compi&gne. Foch's Pullman car brought to Berlin (cf.
Napoleon's traveling coach), the memorial of 1918 brought to Berlin (cf.
the journey of the quadriga of the Brandenburg Gate). On language I note:
the ruthless, lightning-fast changes of tone. In autumn France was a
chivalrous nation, only led astray by England, and it was courted. Then,
during the offensive, in ever increasing measure "Jew ridden/' "nigger
ridden," "decadent," "sadistic" . . . Pictures of bestialized Negroes, re-
ports of stomachs slit open, mutilated corpses etc., and while the news-
paper is still full of atrocity stories and open letters of accusation by
individual correspondents and while in an interview Hitler talks about
the wretched leadership and pitiful generalship of our enemies, the "Pre-
amble" to the (not yet published) armistice conditions has fine words
about preserving the honor of the foe, who had offered heroic resistance.
And a day later the old lack of moderation again, intensified by the fren-
zied arrogance of the victor.

Privately and psychically hardly any change. Sometimes we eat or try
to eat at the station. If we're lucky, we catch a dish which is coupon free.
But such a supper is meager, fairly expensive (between three and four
marks), and once we even came back without having eaten because
nothing was to be had without quarter-pound fat coupons, and all our
coupons are in Plauen with Vogel and the butcher (which is worthwhile).
Once at the Feders. Good people— but were they not affected as Jews, they
would be Nazis. He said: "Perhaps there will be a relaxation after the war.
If they would only leave the non- Ary an Christians alone, then that would
be a help to us, after all." — Between evening tea and cards I now read out
a couple of pages of Louis Bromfield's The Rains Came but I never get very
far. Frau Voss, who deserves a couple of lines to herself at some point, is
always present. Eva read the book herself some months ago, and has long
wanted to hear it once again. It is indeed excellent.

JULY 1940

345

June 29, Saturday

Very difficult to give the day even the slightest trace of a festive air. We
bought a flower box for the balcony and a couple of flowerpots. Otherwise
everything the same as every day now. We await the attack on England
with a certain degree of apathy. Among the populace the absolute cer-
tainty of speedy final success even before autumn. Constantly in the
paper: the war criminals — liberated Europe — the young nations — France
ruined by England. Meanwhile the Russians have taken Latvia and
Bessarabia for themselves. The expression Bolshevism no longer exists.
Now there's only plutocracy. Recently Frau Voss asked me: "What does
plutocracy really mean?" How many "comrades of the people" will know
that?

July 6, Saturday

New prohibition for Jews: Not allowed to enter the Great Garden and
other parks. Effect in the Jews' House. Katz, the fat old man with the offi-
cer's monomania, brings it to us to sign. He has formed a curious affection
for us, although I argue against him. Because I like listening to him. Be-
cause he hopes that I will turn out to be right. Because recently he is no
longer so sure of victory— the difficulties of a landing! He has a particular
liking for Eva. Because she did not take offense at a "Jew's card," which
was sent up to her by mistake instead of the "Aryan" one to which she is
entitled. (Cards are now fetched for the whole house.) There are differ-
ences in the house.

Frau Kreidl Sr. is also "Aryan" and bitter at being stuck in the Jewish
schlamassel. In Eva's case she made a scene about the J. She says: "What's
it got to do with me?" "Let her get a divorce," says Katz. Kreidl Sr. is also
in a class of his own. Has the J, but as a German from the Protectorate
(bom in Bohemia) is allowed to be on the street after nine, is allowed to
walk in the Great Garden. His wife goes to the Opera. Allowed. Tensions
because of all that. — I test my own heart. I always declare: "One day the
J will be my alibi." But it is always horrible for me to show the J card.
There are shops (I have not come across any, but, e.g., Kraus, the chocolate
shop) that refuse to accept the cards. There are always people standing be-
side me who see the J. If possible I use Eva's "Aryan" card in shops that
are unfamiliar to me. Apart from that Eva is now on a wearisome hunt (via
identity card and diverse official bodies) for clothing points cards, in order
to get something by way of exchange for me for my raggedness. — We go
for short walks after our evening meal [...], make use of the minutes
until nine on the dot. How anxious I was, in case we got home too late!
Katz maintains we should not be eating at the station either. No one
knows exactly what is allowed, one feels threatened everywhere. Every

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animal is more free and has more protection from the law. — Recently the
Kreidls Sr. were here until half past one at night. Until blackout with Frau
Voss, then with us. He is a friendly man (over sixty), good storyteller, she
(much younger) is unpleasant (somewhat overdressed and taciturn in a
somewhat insidious way). — Situation tense to the point of producing ap-
athy. Churchill ("greatest, loathsome, etc. criminal") has taken the French
fleet. Dr. Carratsch, the Swiss correspondent, has been expelled because
he spread poisonous lies about German-Russian relations and so endan-
gered Switzerland." Day after day English aircraft cause "insignificant
damage to non-military targets" and kill only civilians, mostly women
and children, and Germany will take terrible revenge for these crimes—
when will the Germans land? And what will happen to us in the case of a
German victory? And what in the case of German defeat? Katz says: "In
Berlin the Jews are praying for Hitler's victory."

Vogel, the father, goes into raptures about German organization and
power. England will be destroyed in a few days, "out of the question, that
there will still be war by winter! But we are prepared for everything. There
is an unimaginable number of pigs stored in the Felsenkeller!" At the
same time, the wife of Janik the butcher explains: "So much livestock has
been brought to Dresden, because everything has been moved here from
Hamburg." Cf. the non-military damage by air attack. Cf. the new de-
terrent sentences for "moral traitors" who listen to foreign broadcasting
stations — eight years imprisonment, whole families in prison. — I
should note all these details and moods of everyday life (or what is
called everyday life now). It always makes me feel sick, and I stick to the
Curriculum.

July 7, Sunday

Yesterday Frau Haeselbarth came to see us in the late morning, in black:
her husband fallen near St. Quentin, he 35, she 33, married for five years—
"four and a half really, then he was called up for service"— three children.
She brought me socks and shirt and briefs. "You need it, it's of no use to
me anymore." We really did accept the things. Sympathy? Very great. But
with it the dreadful "Hurrah, we're still alive!" And the sympathy limited
to the woman. The husband, whom I had not known, had first been a
lawyer on his own account, and then for the Regional Farmers' Associa-
tion, in the direct service of the Party therefore.

On the way into town, two women at the bus stop here: "Heil
Hitler!"— "What have you heard from your boy?"— "Good news a week
ago, they're looking forward to England." Telegrams in town: Hitler in
Berlin today. Triumphal entry. Count Ciano guest of the government.
Then at the butcher: It's just been on the radio: "The English government
has fallen." Now there'll be peace. Very good, why should they let them-
selves be shot to pieces first? — Then at Fishmonger Paschky: The En-

JULY 1940

347

glish government has fled. A woman: Drop a bomb on the whole lot of
them! — Then at Vogel's: The English government has "bolted." First the
swine shoot at their allies and now they run away! — There was nothing
about England in the newspaper. Frau Voss came in the evening: "My
friend heard on the radio that the English government has resigned.
Now they'll make peace and we'll be packed off to Madagascar." We
puzzled over it. We cannot think through the English giving way, and its
consequences for England, for the world, for ourselves; we cannot say
anything is impossible anymore, but we still hope. This morning Frau
Voss came from telephoning with another "Aryan," therefore radio-
owning friend: Up to yesterday afternoon at five o'clock there had cer-
tainly been no news about England on the radio. But Janik had heard it
before her, and the others likewise: the one "fallen," the other "bolted,"
the third "resigned." And what about Hitler and Ciano in Berlin? Merely
an exchange of pleasantries?— We are groping in the dark, are fatalistic,
hope again and again.

Dreadful: The Haeselbarth case has given us a lift. We embraced after
she left: I returned from the field, we have so far always managed to get
through in the face of all adversity, at the moment we still have, under the
given circumstances, all kinds of possibilities of happiness. And even if it
is only the little evening stroll up to the nine o'clock limit. And that the cat
is still alive. And that in the evening I read little drops of The Rains Came
aloud, and that we get on with Frau Voss, and that I am working on the
Curriculum. [ . . . ]

July 9, Tuesday

Becoming skeptical of big ideas, like Fatherland, national honor, heroism,
etc., may be a general feature of growing old. But the truths, which I held
to be certain and on which I essentially built my life's work, have now
completely collapsed. My idea of Germany was lost years ago, and now
France! As if it were Czechoslovakia or a small state in the Balkans. First
giving up militarily: Two million surrender, Metz is captured by a hand-
ful, Belfort does not defend itself at all, whole stretches of the Maginot
Line, the same. And now they are convening a general assembly, in order
to make their constitution "totalitarian," are fighting against England,
which they had already harmed by accepting the conditions of the
armistice, threaten death for anyone who as a Frenchman goes on fighting
in the English army, turn themselves into a German protectorate. What is
left of my idea of France?

The copy of "Summa cum laude," begun on May 2, is completed today.
But correcting the manuscript will no doubt take another week. Too much
distraction by domestic duties. — No one can say how the rumor that the
English government had fallen or fled, and which spread throughout
Dresden, arose.

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July 14, Sunday

Eva's birthday celebrated on a scale which it has not been for many years.
That was thanks to Frau Voss. First thing in the morning she baked a
strawberry flan and brought flowers and wine. Then in cool, rainy
weather (interrupting hot, thundery days) a proper outing. At half past
one in the crowded bus to Pima, from there on the steamer to Rathen. It is
certainly a dozen years since we have undertaken such a trip on the Elbe.
[ . . . ] I myself had given Eva flowers for the balcony. Buying the flowers
in the morning, followed by the outing and the party in the evening were
a little too much for her. The next day she was really knocked out, and
now that naturally expresses itself as gloom and hopelessness.

So we were very depressed on the thirteenth, and washing up in the sti-
fling heat did not make anything better either. Then Herr Kreidl Sr. ap-
peared. After his first words I called Eva in, she came reluctantly, but a
moment later the depression was gone. Kreidl related as coming from the
most reliable source (an "Aryan banker friend" and eyewitness): Train
upon train with troops, guns, tanks was rolling eastward. To "protect"
Hungary and probably also Romania against Russia, which was negotiat-
ing with the English. Since yesterday we have been speculating on and
raising our spirits with this piece of news, which has since been confirmed
from several sides — rumors and bits of news in the Jews' House. It can
mean the reversal and moment of decision. Especially as Kreidl has heard
"from officers' circles," that a large-scale landing in England is impossible.

[..•]

July 18, Thursday

Recently while Kreidl Sr. was bringing us the news of the eastward move-
ment—everyone in Dresden is still talking about it, and no one knows ex-
actly what is behind it, and the newspaper writes as if the landing in a
defenseless and desperate England were to be expected any day — on the
ground floor an old lady, the mother of Frau Katz, was dying of a stroke
and died while we were chatting up here. The Gestapo had made it diffi-
cult for the Jewish nurse to get permission for night duty. I had the im-
pression that the death was less important to the whole house, including
her nearest and dearest, who by the way, stand to inherit nicely, than the
political situation. On Tuesday afternoon the three of us went to the fu-
neral. It was the first time that I had been to the Jewish cemetery here
(Fiedlerstrasse), probably the first time in my life at an Orthodox Jewish
funeral. A teacher in a gown spoke briefly. Then the coffin was carried out
of the hall into the side room, the men stepped forward, the rabbi read a
long Hebrew prayer, the men broke in with many Omeins, the women
stood by their benches. Before that, those who had carried in the coffin
washed their hands. No music. The deceased, who will in fact be cremated

JULY 1940

349

in Berlin, is supposed to have been very rich. It was noticeable how shab-
bily the males among the fairly large number of mourners were dressed.
— My own need of clothing has gradually become grotesque. I have to
save my "good" suit and what I have is literally fraying away, I could at
most try to buy worn items from the clothes store of the Jewish Commu-
nity. Feder told us recently that even before a corpse is cold the Jewish
Community is already asking for the things. Frau Voss is concocting a plan
to obtain one of Moral's suits for me. But the man was much slighter than
I am, socks from the fallen Haeselbarth, perhaps a suit from Moral, who
killed himself— Jewish clothing in the 3rd Reich.

[..]

July 24, Wednesday

Last Friday Reichstag suddenly called. We and presumably everyone else
were expecting the occupation of Romania. Instead the "peace offer" to
England. Weakness? Bluff? Preparation for a gas attack? England rejected
it, and now our headlines say: England throws itself into the abyss, and
the like. The populace is certain of landing, destruction of London, peace
in a few weeks. — In the Jews' House I always play the role of the opti-
mist. But I am not quite sure of my position at all. The language of the
charlatan certainly, but so far every charlatanlike announcement has been
realized. Even Natscheff is now in very low spirits and says: "I cannot
imagine how he can succeed — but so far he has succeeded with every-
thing."

Yesterday Kreidl Sr. and his very unpleasant wife sat here all evening
over tea. It was very unwelcome. The same subject was chewed over again
and again without anything new being added until we were completely
exhausted. I have the feeling that one hour after the death of her husband,
his stiff, cold wife ("Aryan") would ask to be admitted to the NSDAP.
(Frau Feder is not quite as bad.) Two days before, the Katzes were here in
the evening to thank us for attending the funeral. He is a military obses-
sive, this time with the twist of equestrian successes — his father had him
trained, before he entered the Horse Guards, richest boy, sole ambition of
father and son: to shine as a Jew in the army, curious mixture of snobbery
and honest endeavor — so equestrian successes as recruit, in the field and
at horse shows, childish (disarmingly childish) boasting about it. Apart
from that passionate enemy of the common enemy and lately not quite
without hope, because he considers the landing of an army to be almost
impossible. — Peculiarity of the Jews' House that each one of us wants to
fathom the mood of the people and is dependent on the last remark picked
up from the barber or butcher, etc. (I am too!) Yesterday a philosophical
piano tuner was here doing his job: It will last a long time, England is a
world empire — even if there were to be a landing . . . immediately my
heart felt lighter.

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The final expulsion from the house in Dolzschen has begun. Demand
from the parish, delivered to me yesterday by Berger: to make the roof fit
in with the surroundings, that is to cover it with red bricks or red imitation
slate instead of the tar board. Cost about 600M. I am rejecting it as finan-
cially impossible at the moment.

We have to see Annemarie tomorrow because of money difficulties,
paying the installments of the moving is a very heavy burden.

I have been reading the Naples diaries for the last couple of days.
Everything about landscape in them absolutely worthless, everything else
good.

July 26, Friday

Yesterday afternoon in Pima. Annemarie — handed over manuscripts, also
diary, borrowed some money— much and very depressingly changed.
Swollen face, both eyes infected like a bulldog's, constant cough. She evi-
dently has serious heart disease. The inner change is worse. Usually talk-
ative, lively. Now almost apathetic. Faltering conversation. Indifferent or
fearful in politics? Did not enter into any discussion. Also little about pri-
vate matters. She was all alone. Dressel was deputizing for the head of the
Heidenau Hospital, who is sick, his family away, the clinic itself closed,
but a great deal of duty work for Annemarie. We were there for only an
hour, we were received very cordially and hospitably — only com coffee!
— but with reserve, a kind of seclusion from the world, to put it in me-
dieval terms. Does she feel she is dying? Has she been struck so badly by
Dressel 's behavior? Mystery.

Afterward at Dresden station a watery soup, which called itself cab-
bage and potato. At home real tea and a curd cake baked by Frau Voss.
Food has become terrible in recent weeks. Very little meat, very poor pre-
served meat (the small quantities of sausage almost inedible), no fruit, no
fat, the worst ersatz butter. But very many eggs from Denmark. Are they
preparing for winter?

Natscheff says: One of them is deceiving himself. — Which? The Ger-
mans declare, England will unquestionably be destroyed; the English: The
German attack will certainly fail. Both parties evidently believe what they
say. Who will be right in the end?

The tension seems to be enormous everywhere. If I can draw conclu-
sions from the butcher and from Vogel, then confidence in Germany has
perhaps abated a little. Janik: "Why are they waiting so long with the land-
ing?" Vogel Sr., only a week ago: England's stupid, in four weeks, perhaps
in a few days, it will be destroyed. Now: Perhaps it will take longer after
all? — In addition everyone is puzzling over Russia, over America.

I recently found in the telephone directory: Robert Israel Bruck, Profes-
sor. (Once Rector with the most German National wife.) Frau Voss is not in
the telephone directory. She told me today: Disconnected before the new

AUGUST 1940

351

edition of the directory, reconnected again afterward— I do not want to be
listed as Sara.

Finished reading the diaries of the first annoscolare; tomorrow or the
day after I shall start to write.

Hitler s enormous prestige. He is considered invincible, no one knows
how he will land, everyone is convinced that he is going to land. Tanks are
already said to have been transported across in aircraft (!!), Annemarie
tells us as rumor. But also as fact: East Prussia is crowded with troops.

August 3, Saturday, toward evening

[ . . . ] Changing moods in the house. Kreidl Sr. full of hope recently. The
vouched-for rumor was going around that the Russians had invaded
Hungary. Yesterday a speech by Molotov about Russia's friendly relations
with Germany, and Kreidl was deeply pessimistic again. Apart from that
no doubt tremendous tension everywhere. The English are over Germany
every night, hitting non-military targets," murdering civilians and
spreading "hair-raising lies" about pulverized Hamburg, etc. in the
Jewish- American press; every day our newspaper declares, the real main
attack, the frightful revenge, the destruction of England is imminent. Only
once, about three or four days ago, was there a different tone. Then it said,
victory was certain, but it could not come as quickly and easily as the arm-
chair strategist assumed, because England was a world power, which
until now had resisted every enemy. But after that everything was full of
England's desperate fear, which was driving it to crimes like the "cow-
ardly night attacks" on Cologne, Hanover, peaceful farmhouses, etc., of
England's approaching hour of death.

[...]

August 11, Sunday afternoon

The Sunday page of the Curriculum written: Read Manacorda; otherwise
it's no more than lines at a time. Washed dishes with Eva, and now we
want to find out whether, as Frau Voss maintains, the ersatz coffee in
Mockritzer Brewery is drinkable.

[...]

Jews' House: Terrible argument with Kreidl Sr., who accuses us of using
too much water and demands an extra payment. Trifling amount of 1.50,
but characteristic vehemence, I have to say, on both sides. Everyone's
nerves fray in this ghastly situation. Yesterday, invited by both Frau Voss
and ourselves, the Katzes were here for a long time for tea. He sees every-
thing from the military viewpoint, considers England useless. Since the
Italian successes in Somaliland I am irresolute and depressed again. The

352

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war appears to be continuing into the winter and yet to be won by Ger-
many. — Connections: Frau Katz told us, they had been neighbors of the
Sussmanns in Berlin for years, their daughters had gone to school to-
gether.

Frau Voss deeply depressed today. All Jews have been given notice that
they are forbidden to have a telephone (she talks endlessly on the tele-
phone every day to friends and relatives). We are ever more closely con-
fined — Measures against Jews in Romania and Slovakia, more closely
attached to Germany. Triumphal entry of homecoming troops (in the mid-
dle of a war). Latest slogan (also used on welcoming signs): Our Fuhrer
"Creator of a New Europe." — A ghetto has been set up in the General-
gouvemement Poland and the Jews have been ordered to wear Zion arm-
bands; they are doing forced labor. — Mutschmann as he greeted the
troops: The Jews are to blame for the war.

Last Tuesday we were invited to the Feders with Frau Voss. Fairly bor-
ing. He had had some business with Pastor Gruber in Berlin and told us
there was tension between Hitler and Mussolini because Hitler was play-
ing the dictator at the moment. Further: Those of mixed race had been
withdrawn from the front because while the army wanted to promote able
men, the Party did not permit it. Finally: Children of mixed race were also
no longer being admitted to secondary schools. Officially it was still al-
lowed; but a rector who permitted a mixed-race child among his pupils
would earn a complaint to the Party from Hitler Youth and parents: Thus
one rector had been dismissed for being "pro-Jewish," as a result of which
no headmaster accepted a mixed-race child anymore. Everything
points to a constant worsening of the situation for Jews. [ . . . ]

August 12, Monday

Thus do our moods change in the Jews' House. Frau Voss continues to be
bitter about the notice given on telephones. She has to go to an "Aryan
birthday, she would prefer not to go, she cannot bear to see any Aryans
anymore. As we are sitting at our evening meal, she returns, extremely
happy and excited. A lady from western Germany was there; she said that
Saxony and Silesia were full of west Germans "who cannot stand it any-
more," who want to get a good night's sleep. Air raid shelter every night,
destruction and dead everywhere. And no one believes it will end before
winter. "And there was another woman there, I thought a National Social-
ist, and I was careful, and she could not possibly have known that I am not
Aryan. She talked with tears in her eyes about a Jewish friend who had
suffered so much. It all made me feel so much better." And today Frau
Voss comes in upset again: Her dentist said that England will be destroyed
in four weeks at the latest. Because a report is out that German planes
have destroyed Portland harbor and shot down 90 English bombers for

AUGUST 1940

353

the loss of only 17 of their own airplanes. I am just as much depressed by
this as the childish Frau Voss. Until I read in the newspaper, the English
were lying again and turning the battle at Portland into an English victory,
maintaining they had shot down 50 German craft for the loss of only 26 of
their own, further, that Portland had suffered only very minor damage.

August 30, Saturday

[...]

For weeks autumn weather with wind and rain and usually cold. That
hampers the German air offensive. But which anyway despite all the vic-
tory announcements— enemy losses always five times the German ones—
does not seem to make any progress. In any case the English air raids,
which "cause no significant damage," and always hit only "non-military
targets," are getting more numerous by the day and extending further into
the country. We had heard many times, by letter and word of mouth, of
aircraft over Berlin; then about four days ago — we have no sense of time
anymore, everything is an undifferentiated viscous endlessness — the mil-
itary bulletin reported the "first attack" on Berlin, with leaflets, about
which "the whole of Berlin is laughing," and ineffectual incendiary bombs
at the edge of the city (a summer house hit). But then yesterday (night of
August 28 to 29) "systematic and cowardly attack on Berlin residential
areas from midnight until after three o'clock with "numerous dead and
wounded among the civilian population" and only one of the enemy
planes shot down on the flight home. And that very same night we had
our first air raid warning here in Dresden. It woke me up at half past two,
we dressed and went down to the "air raid shelter," to see it for ourselves;
Eva smoked a cigarette first. Hall leading to the cellar itself, more open
and unprotected than our own rooms, an absurdity. Only the landlord
Kreidls were down there — embarrassing after the violent water dispute —
the ground floor did not come. After a quarter of an hour, without any-
thing happening, the all clear. Before falling asleep again we heard a
distant artillery shot. That was all. The next day Vogel Jr. claimed to have
seen the English airplane from Chemnitzer Platz caught by the search-
lights and flying at a great height. There are supposed to have been a
dozen. God knows where they were coming from, where they were going,
the military bulletin now only mentions a number of "towns in the terri-
tory of the Reich," at most it singles out a church somewhere or a farm-
house or a hospital or Goethe's house in Weimar or the Bismarck
Monument in the Sachsenwald, the English never bomb or hit anything
else. — The never ending rain is said to be damaging an already poor har-
vest before it is brought in and to be endangering the potatoes. What is the
mood of the populace? The insoluble riddle. At any rate everyone is now
reckoning on the winter, and everyone fears it.

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It is actually a miracle that I still manage to do any work on the Curricu-
lum at all: because a series of extended walks have been added to the usual
activities. Eva's foot has improved considerably (after years of lonely gar-
dening), it is now only sensitive to pavements. We take the D and E buses
(to Toma and Mockritz), also the long-distance bus to Possendorf, and walk
for up to three hours. Always nearby to the southwest. Leubnitz, Mockritz,
Toma, Prohlis, Nickem, Gostritz, Bannewitz, Possendorf. Always a village
nucleus with handsome farmhouses, old manor houses and porches, small
new housing estates and groups of villas. [ . . . ] I see a great deal, which I
did not see when I was driving. A district is really only revealed to the
walker. [ . . . ] Being of a pious nature, I almost have to thank God for
Hitler's last, I mean most recent piece of harassment, the limitation of shop-
ping hours; now that I am allowed to go shopping only between three and
four (Saturday eleven and twelve), I am indeed forced to rush around dur-
ing this hour, but usually gain the morning for the Curriculum. [ . . . ] but
the glass of wheat beer on the way and the daily half-page of the Curricu-
lum and the occasional minute of hope are all too little in the face of the ever
stronger pressure of slavery and the wretchedness of everyday life.

[ . . . ] The misery gets more lamentable and hideous in every way. An
application had to be made to the Jewish Community to receive 20 pfen-
nigs worth of thread. I did not want to meet the corrupt tyrant Estreicher,
who deals with the application. A whole conspiracy, a week of plotting
(Feder and Pionkowski) was necessary to get hold of the permission in
Estreicher's absence. I needed new paper collars from Mey & Edlich:
There are only paper collars without a cloth covering now.

When shall I ever get around to the description of Frau Voss and of her
mysterious late husband, who slipped out of the cassock and became a
banker?

Two closely written sheets from Sussmann. He describes how he clears
land all day. His son-in-law has bought a little summer house with a bit of
woodland near Stockholm; it is supposed to be turned into farmland.
Lotte Sussmann is working as a doctor in Switzerland, in the same mental
asylum in which she was an almost hopeless case for years, tubercular
Kate has been restored to health and advanced from seamstress to "pin-
ning up"; she has invited her father, her earnings are sufficient for two— I
think to New York. Georg seems to have given up all contact with Europe,
Sussmann has not had any direct news since January either, Betty Klem-
perer had written to Anny Klemperer that after an operation he was feel-
ing better than before. Not a word about Marta. I am more irretrievably
isolated than all other members of the Jews' House and of the Jewish
Community: Everyone has support, a connection, a hope abroad— we are
alone, absolutely alone.

Every day there are rumors about new torments, and so far most have
come to pass. The latest said: Yellow armbands to distinguish the Jews
(they have already been introduced in the factories), further the confisca-

SEPTEMBER 1940

355

tion of Jewish sewing machines and typewriters. But there is also another
rumor that turns up again and again, which is very likely true: An at-
tempted landing has been repelled and a military transport with many sol-
diers sunk. — I am so far not suffering any privation despite all the taxes
on my money; the reserve at Annemarie Kohler's has hardly been broken
into and only by the installments for the moving. But I am now wearing the
unfashionably tight black trousers of a suit from about 1922, my carpet
slippers are nearing their end, the situation with socks is very bad— Frau
Voss has parted with several pairs from the estate of her late husband, in re-
turn she makes use of the Aryan clothing card that Eva eventually man-
aged to get hold of— it is impossible to see how I can continue to get by
with respect to clothing. But we have strictly accustomed ourselves not to
think beyond tomorrow. It also leaves us cold, when the Jews' House con-
tinually reckons on massacre in the case of German defeat
[•••]

September 12, Thursday

Has there been a turn for the better? For three weeks now the Berliners
have been sitting in their cellars night after night; yesterday they were hit
very hard ("entire streets in the diplomatic quarter evacuated"), triumph
and fear alternate in the Jews' House. Germany "retaliates" on London;
England carries out "cowardly pirate attacks." Rumor or truth: They are
supposed to have aircraft that can climb 12,000 feet higher than the Ger-
man ones. Whose statements are true, who will be able to hold out longer?
Will there still be a landing? What is the mood here? [ . . . ]

An evening with the Kreidls and the Katzes downstairs. Boring. But
young Kreidl is a bridge partner at the Breits; through him we were put in
contact with Frau Breit after several years, and at the last moment: She is
leaving on December 1 7 . For the USA, Denver, via Moscow and Japan. We
visited her the day before yesterday (we last saw her at the funeral of her
husband about four years ago). Very affecting: a deaf old lady with a large
ear trumpet. The villa in Prellerstrasse, in which we attended the most
spectacular parties, in disrepair. Tenants, empty rooms, the curtains of win-
dows facing a neighboring military hospital must be drawn. Wealth lost.
Two sons, one was co-owner of the Mattersdorf Bank, moving from one
minor position to another in Denver; their mother is going to them "as a
dependent, as she said to me; the journey is costing her the remainder of
her money: 44,000M, since the mark is calculated at around 4 pfennigs. One
twenty-seven-year-old daughter, fresh-faced, modest, unmarried, remains
here no entry permit for her. How rich these people were! Frau Breit tells
us how brutally she was treated by the Gestapo. Reichenbach, the lawyer,
who gave me friendly advice on emigration matters at the Jewish Commu-
nity, was also there with his wife. He was in Buchenwald for weeks, she in
solitary confinement at police headquarters for five days. Eva offered Frau

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Breit her clothing card to buy a woolen dress. Most touching gratitude
and then embitterment, which was difficult to dispel, on the part of Frau
Voss, who had believed this card destined entirely for herself. I am always
uncertain as to how much of my time I should spend on these details, and
how much on the current chapter of my Curriculum; every day my heart
tells me that I do not have much more time at my disposal. Sometimes I
think: This present misery constantly impresses itself upon my mind even
without notes; then I see from my diary how I have forgotten things from
the World War, in part how I remember them differently from then. Some-
times I think: The mood and the conversations are the same every day; then
again: The nuances change from day to day. Yesterday on all my errands in
town, how strong the impression of the Berlin disaster was: Everyone was
talking about it. Once again I typed an English curriculum vitae with car-
bon copies, as Frau Breit wants to take it with her. How many of these
sheets have already been sent off. For years now. And all without success.

September 15, Sunday

^ Today Frau Breit paid us a farewell visit and thanked us, brought 3 bot-
tles of wine as a present in return for 40 clothing points and her likable,
unaffected daughter Lotte, who looks like twenty and is twenty-seven.
The daughter stays here, is going to a nursing course in Berlin, has hopes
of Shanghai and of going on from there.

[..•]

September 23, Monday afternoon

A church has been advertising on the advertising pillars recently: "A Na-
tion's Hero," Oratorio by Handel. Underneath in small print: "(Judas
Maccabeus. New version of the text)."

On an envelope from Berlin the postmark says: "Fight the Colorado
beetle" with a beetle printed beside it. Recently there was an item in the
newspaper: "English aircraft drop Colorado beetles on Holland." Moral's
last wish: He committed suicide last year. Before that he was always fan-
tasizing: "If it were only possible to import Colorado beetles!"

[..]

September 27

I have been "called" [typed above the crossed-out printed word: "in-
vited"] before the mayor in Dolzschen a\ half past four this afternoon. It's

OCTOBER 1940

357

about the expulsion from my house, they are demanding a brick roof in
the style of the village. This, and Eva's rebellious nerves and her foot,
which is failing her, in addition heart problems, has a very depressing ef-

Frau Voss brother-in-law has been visiting her for the past week, and
occasionally we are also in his company. Retired secondary school head-
master from Cologne, late sixties, was mainly in administrative posts,
very Catholic, papal order in his buttonhole, sister a nun, forced to go in
33. A level-headed, calm, educated man, unquestionably an enemy of
Hitler, but also an enemy of England. He wants Hitler's downfall, but he
also wants a German victory over England, even admits himself to be con-
tradictory, apart from that believes Germany will be victorious and con-
siders Hitler's position unassailable for a long time (not forever) to come.
Had no notion of all the restrictions placed on non- Aryans.

Yesterday I saw this same lack of awareness in another place. A
friendly, obliging senior official at the Pensions Office, where I had to
make some complicated inquiries about church and Jewish taxes. We got
into conversation, I unburdened myself a little incautiously, afterward
asked for my remarks to be treated as a matter of confidence. That my
house had been taken away from me, that I cannot leave Dresden, that I
had been arrested, etc., etc. — He did not know any of it. "I thought, you
as a veteran . . . Can you not live in another town, where you can forget
more easily? . . . Can you not receive your pension abroad?" He was gen-
uinely shocked. At the same time stamped by National Socialism. "That it
hits you like this! But you must admit that the Jew did us tremendous
harm . . . We had made a mistake calculating your tax, we did not know
that you are a Jew— I beg your pardon!" I told him, I could not live abroad
even if I were to receive my pension there, because the mark stood at four
pfennigs. "But that will change now. You surely cannot have doubts about
our victory. I intimated a quiet doubt, and this too was evidently a shock
and very incautious on my part.

[•••]

Today I want to write to my sister-in-law Anny and ask her what is hap-
pening to Grete, since Trude Scherk's cards are far too muddled and lack-
ing in objectivity.

October 5, Saturday

Political conversation with Voss, the Cologne headmaster (who left today)
always ended the same way: / believe it is necessary for Germany to start
from the bottom again and learn the ABC of morality and culture and hu-
manity anew. He hates the regime as I do, believes, however, that it will
fall from the inside, after the war has been won, believes this military vic-
tory to be necessary , because otherwise Germany will be destroyed forever.
(Resentment against England dating from the time of the occupation of

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the Rhineland also plays a part.) Millions will think as he does, and that
shores Hitler up, only that.

The house in Dolzschen is to get a new board roof for about 240M.

Grete accommodated privately in Charlottenburg, since non-Aryans
are no longer allowed in the asylum. Anny's letter friendly, but not very
informative. Trude Scherk urged me to visit Grete in person, Anny ad-
vised against, and I was very glad to be advised against. I sent a couple of
lines on Grete's birthday— wretched [...]. I emphasized to Trude and
Anny that the Gestapo would not give me permission to travel to Berlin
(which in all probability is the truth).

October 14, Monday

I pulled myself together and got through October 9 without an eruption.
In the evening a semolina pudding in the Braustubl of the Monopol by the
station, as a bonus and birthday treat— 50 grams of bread coupons.

The days are getting shorter in every respect. Summer time has been re-
tained, and so the early darkness is all the more irritating. In addition
house arrest from eight o'clock again. Since the first of [October], We did
not know about it until there was a police check at a quarter past eight the
day before yesterday; in the days before that we had come home later
without suspecting anything; I could have been put in a concentration
camp because of it. On top of that, bitterness over the imprisonment after-
ward led to an argument with Eva. One's nerves give way. So now Eva has
to cook more often at home again and very soon all the time. Since she is
very attached to the long afternoon walks — again and again emphasizing
this is "the only thing she has left" (which subjectively at least is true, and
here the subjective is all that counts), so she tires herself out very badly,
and that leads to miserable evenings and unhappy mornings. And since in
the mornings the light in bed is poor, I read aloud a great deal. Thus the
Curriculum comes to a complete standstill for days on end. Sometimes I
am depressed by this standstill, sometimes I am depressed by my egotism,
sometimes I find my melancholy over the Curriculum pointless. The few
people to whom I have read from it so far. Moral, Feder, Lissy, did not find
it interesting at any rate, and sometimes 1 almost believe that Eva does not

either. ....

An offer by Reichenbach, the lawyer with Jewish Economic Aid, whom

I got to know better at Frau Breit's, to write to Chile about a position for
me, cost me a whole day. I shall never get this position, neither of us wants
to have it, and yet I feel duty bound to do what I can. This consisted of the
hispanicization of my curriculum vitae. Without any knowledge and
without any tools to help me apart from the Spanish-German volume of
Tolhausen it was an unpleasant and tormenting business. I also have to let
myself be photographed. I tell myself again and again: Either I survive the

OCTOBER 1940

359

war, then I do not need to leave, or I do not survive it, then I do not need
to leave either, and during the war I cannot get out. So why torment my-
self? But on the other hand: Is it not perhaps autosuggestion, if I keep on
knocking it into my head: Hitler is losing the game? The present state of
play could not be more opaque, all the time the often described air battles,
the business of Japan-America-Russia still undecided, the Balkans,
Egypt, Gibraltar threatening, mood of the people and food situation un-
clear.

I am reading from Theodor Liicke, Wellington. Very good, very interest-
ing, also with respect to the English character and to English military strat-
egy. There are parallels with the present. [ . . . ]

I am failing to finish the Curriculum, I did not complete the Dix-
huitieme, and I am making notes on the "Language tertii imperii," which
I shall never write. Day and night (literally) I am dogged by thoughts of
death and futility and am so obsessed by these things that all my knowl-
edge of languages is beginning to go rusty, all (literally). Only its ending
will show how I have spent the last part of my life, whether I shall be con-
sidered irresponsibly indolent and unprincipled or tenacious and self-
assured or whether nobody will give a hoot, myself included. The last is
99 percent likely.

On the ninth I became aware not only of my age, but also of my terrible
isolation. Cool lines from Annemarie Kohler, who has not come to see us
for at least one and a half years. Johannes Kohler, Fraulein Carlo, my for-
mer colleagues— where are they? "When all become unfaithful," one
would need to be able to believe in a bon dieu. Georg has been mysteri-
ously silent since April '39, Grete is mentally ill. Only Sussmann wrote a
nice letter. He wished me "freedom." [ . . . ] We also go walking in the
Lockwitzgrund [ . . . ] with its beautiful autumn colours.

October 21

Depreciation of the superlative: Day after day London is destroyed, day
after day the Londoners spend a longer time sitting in their cellars. But a
day has no more than twenty-four hours, and a city cannot be any more
than destroyed. Three days ago it was "the greatest bombardment in the
history of the world," two days ago "St. Bartholomew's Eve for London."
Now they have to pause, the "unceasing retaliatory attacks" take second
place in the reports, U-boat successes move back into first place. Mean-
while England is over Germany every day, over Berlin every second or
third. Yesterday, already at half past ten, we had an air raid warning here
for the third time, a couple of anti-aircraft guns even fired, but the all clear
came even before we had gone down to the cellar. In England (for the mo-
ment) they are not interested in Dresden.

New coercive measure in judaeos: Use of lending libraries also forbid-
den. Two years after the prohibition on using public libraries. Why, in

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fact? I believe: out of fear, to prevent any contact between the populace
and critical minds. From now on Eva, Aryan, must go to Natscheff.

October 25, Friday

Yesterday evening eighty "mass rallies": "Everything for victory. Slogan
of the Home Front" (stimulus very necessary therefore). Air raid warning
at three at night. The fourth in Dresden, again without anything further
happening and only of short duration (about thirty minutes). But Frau
Voss unwittingly put it in the right perspective: "Six hundred thousand
people have got no sleep." And each one of those six hundred thousand
knows that the aircraft flying past overhead have got down to serious
business somewhere else ...

Morale must be very low. Young Kreidl relates rumors that are circulat-
ing among the workers, with whom he is forced to lay railway sleepers:
The senior managers and employees in the big companies and banks have
been armed because of fear of revolts. Almost certainly only a rumor, but
it is interesting that such rumors can arise. The wife of Janik, the butcher:
It is said that the English drop bombs on buildings marked with the red
cross because there are munitions factories under red-cross roofs.

Real coffee has been completely stopped for a full year. This month VA
ounces for Aryans, none for Jews. In Cologne and Berlin 2A ounces be-
cause they spend their nights in the cellar more often. We received VA
ounces for Eva; we had a cup each once, it was almost comical. The ration
will stretch to a second.

Demand for synagogue and church tax, 30 percent of income tax (12
percent for Aryans), some 220M are a great burden for me. In addition the
roof, estimated at around 230M. Last reserves melting away.

November 2

Two days of snowfall, frost, muck, awful paths, foretaste of the winter cold
with shortage of coal, of hauling coal up from the cellar. Weather improved
now. Too much shopping to be done and limited because of the prescribed
hour, Eva has to help out. I do not have gloves— she wants to obtain a large
pair of ladies' gloves for me on her clothing card. But when can we manage
it? — I now telephone Paschky's in Zwickauer Strasse every day to find out
if fish is available. (In the right-hand shopwindow: "No saltwater fish
today," in the left-hand one "No smoked goods today.") Yesterday all of a
sudden: a heap of flounder and a real carp. Feast, but embarras de richesse.
And where shall we get the butter that is needed?

On the day of the worst weather [ . . . ] walk near Coschutz. There over
a wheat beer news of war with Greece.

NOVEMBER 1940

361

Section "On Outbreak of War in Munich" complete. But still several
days to correct it.

November 7, Thursday

[...]

For a few days now a Berlin plan has been hanging in the balance with
some things for and some against. The idea came to us because of Katz.
Much perturbed by brutal evacuation of Jews from Wiirttemberg. The
people had been expelled naked and empty-handed at two hours notice,
to the south of France, put in the barracks of the Spanish Communists.
Katz held forth: 1,000 Jews from Dresden are easier to evacuate than
120,000 from Berlin, where there is in any case greater freedom (very rela-
tive!). Moving there is permitted, he had ascertained that (showed us the
relevant letter) and is definitely going there with his wife in February.
Frau Voss came to us the same evening with similar plans and ideas, in-
dependently of Katz. This is evidently the latest Jewish fear and intention.
We are thinking it over back and forth, much attracts us, much cautions
against it. It almost seems to me that it is best not to tempt fate, destruction
threatens everywhere.

But I increasingly feel that it is five to twelve. Only — shall we live to see
twelve o'clock? The mood of the people seems very low, every day Frau
Voss reports curiously significant conversations, she even maintains that
people are saying "Heil Hitler" less and "Good morning" more frequently.
— Roosevelt's election became known yesterday. Greece at any rate will
not be an Italian lightning victory, and Crete has been occupied by the En-
glish, and the reprisal victories over London don't really seem to be mak-
ing any progress.

[...]

November 11, Monday

The 6th air raid warning yesterday was not without its comic side. Sunday
at about quarter to ten. Nothing happened, but the all clear did not come for
a good two hours, and everyone who was at the cinema or cabaret had to go
down to the city cellars. I felt it was some kind of revenge. The restaurants
had been terribly crowded and we had been held up having our (ever more
tasteless, expensive, unpleasant) meal in the Monopol and had missed our
last bus. Taxis without exception occupied. I felt as if I were a hunted ani-
mal, had awful problems with my heart. I wanted to telephone the police,
my wife has sprained her foot, could the infringement of the curfew please
be excused — then we caught a taxi after all (shared with another party), and
were here at eight. Deeply depressed by the wretchedness of being without
rights. Then came the air raid warning. We did not go down to the cellar.

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Today severe depression because of Molotov's Berlin visit. If a real al-
liance with Russia materializes . . .

November 21, Thursday

Night of November 18-19 warning 8: twelve until one, nothing to report.
Night of November 19-20 warning 9: quarter to eleven until quarter past
senza niente. Warning 10: four until half past five with flares, anti-aircraft
fire and some dull thuds, people said incendiary bombs. The main attack
is supposed to have been on Chemnitz. Evident impression on the people
of Dresden. In addition to that there is the failure of the Italians in Greece
(war there began on October 28), a speech by Mussolini in which there
was a note of depression between the boastful words, the obscurity
around Molotov's quickly concluded Berlin visit.

I paid the church tax in installments. Richter, white-haired, calm man:
"It is to be hoped that they will lose the war. But it will take a long time yet.
In the meantime we shall increasingly starve."

November 26, Tuesday

Bread: Vogel now has a sales assistant. I ask Vogel Sr. for half a loaf without
coupons. He whispers: "For God's sake never ask the girl for that." The girl
(in place of the boy who has been taken away for Labor Service) is standing
in the back room. Old Vogel very loud: "So the coupons first." Takes my
cards and the scissors, cuts the air. Gives them back to me, fetches the bread,
whispers: "You could get my shop closed down." — Coffee: Eva's Aryan 2
ounces a constant source of envy on the part of Frau Voss. We give her less
than an ounce as a present. Bliss. We invite the Reichenbachs for genuine
Aryan coffee. He, lawyer, foreign consultant of the Jewish Community has
tried to help me; we were at Frau Breit's (who has now reached the USA via
Japan) with the two of them. Very pleasant people. — The trousers: I had
badgered Lissy Meyerhof into it. She had an Aryan friend in Hamm. She
bought a new pair of trousers, sent them to Berlin, from there they came to
me. Enchantment here. My first new piece for I don't know how long. 14.75M.

November 30

Eva has not been very well for more than a week. Stomach, intestines,
shivering, nerves. I am reading aloud a great deal. The household on top
of that. Curriculum completely at a standstill. [ . . . ] We had to change our
lending library, since Natscheff, threatened by informers, is causing prob-
lems. Paulig. Made friends with Fraulein Paulig. She offered me a couple
of points of her clothing card. "If you need a tie, for example."

DECEMBER 1940

363

Farewell conversation with a very depressed Natscheff. I: Morale is
poor, this is Hitler's last winter. He: "Illusions! Another three years!" [ . . . ]

December 10, Tuesday

The worst thing is Eva's declining powers of resistance. Her state of health
is approaching that of the genuine melancholy, which overcame her before
and after the last Lugano trip ('32?). "I am so bored." A couple of months
ago Frau Voss got her on to solitaire, a couple of weeks ago, perhaps un-
fortunately, I gave her a new pack of cards for solitaire— now she is play-
ing one game after another. Virtually non-stop. "Such a nice objective
activity and one doesn't think about anything else." Not a note is played,
hardly a book and no newspaper opened. The bad weather, the early dark-
ness stop us from going for walks, the shivering in the unheated apart-
ment, the terribly meager food add the finishing touches. She looks very
pale, has lost weight. I am deeply depressed.

world, i.e., the Jewish world, wants to go there. ("They all want to," said
Pionkowski, "but I do not know of anyone who has actually got there.")
One is supposed to be "more free" there, one is supposed to be in less dan-
ger of evacuation or deportation there. (Jews from Wurttemberg and Al-
sace have been sent to the Pyrenees, that is to concentration camps set up
for the Spanish, before that Jews from Stettin were sent to Poland.) One is
free to move to Berlin. But apartments, i.e,. rooms are very expensive, peo-
ple have problems with the Gestapo, and the business of the greater free-
dom and security is unproven at the least, it will be like the fable of the
town mouse and the country mouse. We asked Lissy Meyerhof for advice,
her reply was very cool, also fearful that the movement from the provinces
could lead to the evacuation of the whole of Berlin Jewry (which is evi-
dently altogether the fear of the community there). (2) USA. Once again
after a long gap. At Reichenbach's urging. In a new pamphlet it says, the
paragraph by which a professor is only allowed to enter outside the quota
if no more than two years have elapsed since he stopped teaching, is usu-
ally not applied to dismissed Jews. In the course of discussion it emerged
that it must be our turn soon even within the quota (admittedly there is a
block on visas at the moment). Reichenbach wrote to some Jewish Central
Committee again, wanted a letter written to Georg; I rejected that — hence
the letter to Sussmann. Behind it there are of course a hundred fruitless,
very ill-humored, repetitive conversations and reflections with Eva. What
can I do over there? Who will want me? My English . . .

On Sunday downstairs for tea with Katz-Kreidl. Half the Jewish Com-
munity. A pharmacist, in the Labor Service and carrying loads in Donath's
Wine Cellars; an elderly former army doctor, who has been removed from
his post as medical assessor with an insurance company. Everyone says:

Two letters written yesterday to Sussmann and Lissy Meyerhof indicate
lat has preoccupied us lately. (1) Plan, to move to Berlin. The whole

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Get over there, no matter how great the uncertainty! They don't let anyone
starve, and here one's life is increasingly at risk. Apart from that everyone
was in high spirits because things are going badly for the Italians in Alba-
nia and the English are obviously masters of the entrance to the Adriatic
and of the Mediterranean. But always the fear: They will abduct or slaugh-
ter us. — Public Jew-baiting is rising again. Film propaganda Jud Suss and
the Eternal Jew. This second film, evidently very nasty and launched with
the greatest ballyhoo, has incidentally disappeared here again after less
than a week. Why? Weariness and disgust of the public?

Our evening racetrack: along the promenade of Teplitzer Strasse beside
the cycle track to the 14 at Horst Wessel Platz. Back along the same stretch
if we got the meal at the station over with quickly and we can be back be-
fore eight. Romantic: the darkness, the lights, the moon, the open fields.

Lingua tertii imperii: the Jew, the Englishman — nothing but collectives,
no individual counts. [ . . . ] Katz says: Herzl s racial theory is the Nazi s

source, not the other way around. [ . . . ]

Constant dilemma: I find so very little time for the Curriculum, that I
devote hardly any time to the diary. But this, after all, is the basis of one of
the most important chapters of the Curriculum. At times I only note down
a catchword. But the next day it appears unimportant, the fact and the
mood already overtaken. But the changing details of everyday life are pre-
cisely what is most important. — Every evening, when Frau Voss is back
from her many errands and visits: "Tell me, what have you heard? I
know she blathers on without rhyme and reason, and [I] again and again
want to hear what rumors and moods there are, who is talking about evac-
uations, who has set his hopes on England, whefher a worker has been
grumbling, etc.

[...]

December 20, Friday

Severe frost for days, 5 to -1 degrees at night. Apartment cannot be heated,
15 to 7 degrees in the room. Dispute with the landlord, a hole found in the
stovepipe, it is "supposed" to be better now — supposed. I have got
chilblains on my fingers, of course also chapped hands and feet. Eva suf-
fers greatly, also because of the diminished possibility of getting out into
the open air, is pale, thin, deeply depressed. — When the moon is shining,
we eat out, so that she gets some distraction. Monopol or railway station
(which is supposed to be prohibited and always makes me anxious). Ex-
pensive and bad. We then shiver through the rest of the evening (I fill my-
self with apple tea and bread).

New intensification of Jewish harassment: After eight o'clock confined
in the apartment itself. Visiting other residents of the house, spending
time in the entrance hall or on the stairs is prohibited.

DECEMBER 1940

365

Without any explanation my tenant Berger sent me a bill of 38M for re-
moval of rubble last summer and deducted the amount from the rent. God
knows what alterations the man undertook that produced the rubble. I
telephoned. No explanation: The parish says, I had to pay. I am defense-
less. The house is to be taken from me. Our finances are ever more
wretched.

Yesterday the rough draft of "Naples in Wartime" completed at last,
after almost six weeks. I hardly ever get down to work anymore. The last
part written by hand. Something impeding the typewriter. Who will re-
pair it? There is no mechanic of any kind to be had now.

Only comfort: the failure of the Italians in Albania (no longer in
Greece!) and Africa, the English offensive. Eaaexai' Hpap. [The day will
come.]

[...]

December 26, Thursday, toward evening

Christmas, at least the twenty-fourth, passed more tolerably than feared.
A little tree for 60 pfennigs from Leubnitz (Eva's favorite place), Frau Voss
companionable, abundant alcohol, before that in the station a proper veni-
son goulash without meat coupons (my first bits of meat for months). A
package from Lissy Meyerhof with unexpected treasures: coffee, tea,
cocoa. (The day after a further more humble packet from Frau Haesel-
barth, a couple of gingerbreads and apples, a little pearl barley, a blanc-
mange powder. The accompanying card "Christmas greetings from the
Kirschberg" unsigned!) From Vogel I obtained a pound of curd cheese
without coupons, begged a little sausage from Janik as well: We were rich.
I was also pleased that Seidel & Naumann had picked up my typewriter
in the morning. "Only one van now, not much gasoline, even less from
January 1. If we don't manage it tomorrow, the twenty-fourth, we cer-
tainly won't manage it all — we can't promise anything." It was managed,
and that was all the more pleasing because meanwhile young Kreidl had,
with good humor and a big mouth — "I can do it!" — fiddled around with
it and made the damage worse. — So the twenty-fourth passed tolerably.
But our spirits sank on the twenty-fifth. Eva became overfatigued on a
walk to the Moreau Tavern— the frost has abated, but snow and ice out-
side, and at home we continue to freeze with very little alleviation — and
collapsed. Today also on shorter walk to the churchyard of Leubnitz
Church Eva broke down again. Her health is very poor. She will not be
able to bear the situation for much longer.

In pen (unfamiliar) I am writing tiny amounts of the beginning of the
"Soldier" chapter, have just stopped at Lerch. I am slowly finishing read-
ing Fontane's Stechlin aloud. My feet are chapped, I have chilblains on my
hands, frequent problems with my heart while walking — at any rate I as-
cribe it to angina.

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On the Language tertii imperii. Trajectory of a word. Kin (Sippe). In the
Middle Ages the usual word for family. Pejorative in modem times. Now
with a sentimental halo. "Christmas the festival of kin folk. (In Leubnitz
there are street names like Romchenstrasse, under which they then have:
Councillor or family of councillors in the fourteenth century. Or: Author of
a local chronicle in the fifteenth century. — In Stechlin, chapter 33, 1 find.
"Now instead of real men they have established so-called supermen; but
in fact there are really only subhumans left . . Most new words are to be
found here and there long before they become new. (I also assume that
Fontane did not invent "subhumans," the counterpart to superman was in
the air.) But that does not detract from their novelty. They are new at the
moment where they emerge as expression of a new way of thinking or a
new idea. To that extent the subhuman is indeed a new and specific word
in the language of the Third Reich.

December 31, Tuesday afternoon

The resume of 1940 to be kept brief: On May 24 expelled to the Jews' House.
There was one good thing about it: for the first time in years Eva learned
to walk again, even to go for long walks. In summer when France col-
lapsed we were without hope. Then gradually our spirits rose a little.
Every day did a little more work on the Curriculum. The second volume
has almost reached July 15, my entry into the army, around 175 pages in
the format of my history of literature. Not much, but rebus sic stantibus a
bit at any rate. — The year of summer rambles.

Language tertii imperii: In Hitler's New Year Order of the Day to the
troops again the "victories of unparalleled dimensions ," again the American
superlative: "The year of 1941 will see the accomplishment of the greatest vic-
tory in our history."

1941

♦

January 5, Sunday afternoon

Yesterday to the Reichenbachs to have tea, "real" tea. Reichsstrasse 7 (first
floor), it had no doubt constituted a single grand apartment; now half a
dozen Jewish families live there. Cooking stoves in the corridor. The Reich-
enbachs have two rooms, one as parlor, one as kitchen-pailor. Oil paint-
ings, original engravings, bronzes, valuable furniture, the man was a
lawyer with a good position, now lives in poverty as an official (foreign
adviser) of the Jewish Community. Was in a concentration camp, his wife
was also imprisoned. A couch in each room, they sleep separately. Next
door one can hear a man's voice praying loudly in Hebrew. It goes on all
day, he's a devout old man. "If it consoles him ..." — Reichenbach told us
the latest news, which is a catastrophe for us: From January 1 a new Jew-
ish tax: 15 percent of income. That means my 400 shrink to 340M. I again
and again resolve not to worry about money. We are coming to the bitter
end — but not just for the Jews.

Cold again with lots of snow.

[...]

January 20, Monday morning

Manuscript of Soldier I section finished. Meanwhile the typewriter is back
from Winkler after four weeks (first complete stripping and cleaning it's
had after all these years, but it also cost 20M! Apart from that the worst
thing — I had to plead for it — was the transportation, there is such a short-
age of people and gasoline): So now I want to start the fair copy. Since
Naples HI also has to be added, it will take several weeks. — Vanitas van-
itatum. When I began the Curriculum, Georg wrote to me that he too was
working on his memoirs. Then I met Gehrig: He was writing his memoirs.
— A couple of weeks ago at the Jewish tea downstairs with the Katzes and
Kreidls, Leipziger, an elderly medical officer and insurance doctor garru-
lously and somewhat boastfully and conceitedly monopolized the con-
versation; recently Frau Voss comes back enchanted from one of her
bridge parties: The medical officer had read so interestingly from a book
about the doctor, it is his own life. So now all the Jews who have been
thrown out are writing their autobiography, and I am one of twenty thou-
sand . . . And yet: The book will be good, and it helps me pass the time. But
then the old doubt also revived again, whether it would not have been bet-

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ter for me to learn English. Now on the one hand the new reduction in our
money is in the offing, on the other the block on American visas has been
lifted and it will soon be the turn of our quota number, and Sussmann
[ . . . ] has passed on my documents by airmail to Georg. Wait and see —
stick with the Curriculum.

It continues to be cold with snow (without interruption since Decem-
ber), apartment difficult to heat, bad chilblains on my chapped and
swollen hands.

Reading aloud continues [ . . . ] Now a very good novel about artists by
Buck, whom we only knew as an author of China novels. [ . . . ]

January 21

Recently on the platform of the tram. Through the window I see a young
man inside reading a booklet. By his appearance he could be a Party mem-
ber with the swastika on his coat, I take the booklet to be an order book. I
decipher: What is that? — That is a. . . I know at once, the man is a Jew and
is waiting for his quota number to be called.

The naivete of American literature. Naive in the best sense, even where
it is kitsch. Even Hollywood is naive. Naive Buck's Biblical style ( Proud
Heart). They are a new nation, and they are one nation, one although mixed
from a hundred races, tribes, cultures; they utterly contradict the racial
theory of the Nazis. I must amplify that in the Curriculum, in the last book
on the Third Reich. I would so much like to go deeper into American liter-
ature. If I could only speak English. Impossible wish: To criss-cross the
USA for a whole year in my own car. To speak English during this time,
only read newspapers, magazines, go to talkies. Then study and write
about American literature in my own house on the American East Coast.
After (after) I have finished the Eighteenth Century, the Curriculum and
the Language tertii imperii. But I am going to be sixty and my heart rebels
every day.

January 31

On language: Pay attention to: Seizure of power, not taking office or taking
over the government, but power. — Since when Marxism instead of Social
Democracy? From the Russian? (Cf. the book by Krasnow, Endless Hate.) I
am considering whether my Lingua tertii imperii should not become a
proper lexicon, Dictionnaire philosophique in individual articles.

Pharmacist Weisbach, Planettastrasse, sometimes gives me rationed
war soap without coupons: "People get fine soaps from the soldiers in
France."

Eva not in very good shape, awfully thin, very pale, upset stomach for
the last couple of days. I am very concerned.

FEBRUARY 1941

371

After a few mild days severe frost and a strong east wind again. Rooms
cannot be heated, my hands literally full of chilblains. Every errand,
everything I do is hampered by pain.

When Eva here in the room (playing solitaire!), the banging of the type-
writer is torture to her. Then I read the 500 pages of letters from the field.
So both the copying and the further preparatory work creep forward at a
snail's pace. And the household (carrying up coal, shopping, washing up)
always robs me of time.

February 8

Lissy Meyerhof sent six pairs of secondhand socks, presumably originally
belonging to Erich's sons — a mercy, since I am running around with holes
and sore, dirty feet. The package and the letter was accompanied by a
note, translated from the Italian, from Hans Meyerhof, I was able to estab-
lish his concentration camp, on the Deserto [...].

Cohn, congenial Winter Aid man of the Jewish Community, whom I
was this time unable to grant any additional donation, saw my completely
tom carpet slippers and supported my application for a pair from the Jew-
ish clothing store; I am to fetch them there on Monday. Yet another mercy.

On the evening of the fifth almost friendly contact with the corrupt and
powerful Estreicher, with whom I clashed so violently in May because of
the accommodation business. It was about reorganizing the billets, though
we are spared. The Katzes on the ground floor are going to Berlin, in their
place comes a homo novus, who appears to have given a very good bribe:
He is not only to get two rooms just for himself, but a third one as well for
his Aryan housekeeper. It was the third room that was at issue. Through
the ceiling we could hear the screaming and weeping fits of the very un-
pleasant Frau Ernst Kreidl, from whom an attic room is to be wrested. The
whole house in commotion. — How similar to our situation the conditions
described by Krasnow in his pitiful, one-sided and trashy book. In Russia
everything seems to proceed in more Asiatic, even more uncivilized and
more openly bloody and cruel fashion than here, but all in all (housing,
corruption, inquisition) it seems to be exactly the same as here.

On the fourth to Frau Kronheim for a touchingly nice short visit (real
coffee, cake, a cigar). We had made her acquaintance at the Kaufmanns
many years ago, she approached us a few months ago while we were eat-
ing at the Monopol, we did not know her name, she visited us with her
daughter (who is now completing a "retraining course" in Berlin), we still
did not know her name. Then young Kreidl put us on the scent. A woman
of about sixty, widow of a straw hat manufacturer, evidently once affluent,
probably a little even now. Large room in Bautzener Strasse, of course bed
and washstand y todo in the same room, most furniture in storage. Con-
versations naturally always the same: Affidavit — will America enter the

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war? — Recently: What is going to happen to Italy? — Here the English re-
covery is tremendous. Only yesterday I saw the December issue of The
Twentieth Century at the dentist's [...]: There the Italian offensive against
and in (in!) Egypt was discussed and there was a big map, and today
Benghazi has already been taken. Will England succeed in defeating Italy?
Hitler's speech on January 30 ("I shall force a decision this year") had a
different tone from all the previous ones. Nothing more about a seven
years' war, nothing more about friendship with Russia and the Balkans
now only: We are prepared for every eventuality, and submarine threat
against the USA. The speech is supposed to have sounded like a cry of
rage, his voice breaking. True security or despair? — Rumors everywhere
of new levies and troops sent eastward and motorization.

I had to fetch money from Annemarie Kohler. (I can deal with the 15
percent reduction for about six months — who can think or worry further
than that?) Her welcome was very friendly, she maintained that she really
was not able to come to Dresden, as long as Dressel had to work in Heide-
nau; her conversation was very anti-Nazi and very defeatist. The workers
had had enough.

[...]

February 12, Wednesday afternoon

Anniversary of Father's death, and began the Curriculum exactly two
years ago today. Yesterday evening reading for the Front chapter com-
pleted, the first line written today.

Early spring weather since yesterday. Grateful for every additional
minute of daylight, for each degree of warmth, for each yard of ground
that can be walked (this last especially for Eva's sake). Eva has declined,
lost weight, aged so very much — and yet, as my own body declines, I love
her ever more ardently, d'amour say the French. — Yesterday for the first
time in ages a somewhat longer walk: Siidhohe, Toll House, from there the
E bus to station grub. Today we want to go to Lockwitz.

Hopeful, although threatened by catastrophe. Charge because room
not blacked out. That can mean a fine of so many 100M that I am forced to
sell the house; it can also be disposed off with 20M. There are examples of
both; I assumed the worst for a whole day, I am calmer now.

It was truly a misfortune, liability through negligence, as can happen
with a car. We are usually both extremely careful with regard to the black-
out, on our evening walks we often grumble about illuminated windows,
say the police should really do something. And now we ourselves are
caught in the act. On the Monday (the tenth) all kinds of things came to-
gether, which made me lose the thread. During the day I usually return
from shopping at about half past four. Unpacking, hauling coal, a glance
at the newspaper, blackout , going out for supper. On Monday I found Frau
Kreidl, whom both of us greatly dislike, here. She wanted to be consoled:

FEBRUARY 1941

373

The whole house had been inspected by the Gestapo — new tenants? Con-
fiscation of the house? (Cupboards opened in our rooms also — there was
rather too much tobacco in the house! But they saw only five packets, as a
precaution four others are already with Frau Voss.) It grew late. So black-
out after the meal. In the Monopol the food so bad that Eva didn't eat it. I
wanted to get her something else at the station. Nothing there either. So I
was very out of humor and distracted when we returned, immediately
hurried into the kitchen to make tea. Against the night sky, once the light
has been switched on, it is impossible to tell whether the shutters have
been closed. When the policeman rang the doorbell at nine, we were quite
unsuspecting, we led him to the window so that he could see for himself
that it was blacked out. The man was courteous and sympathetic; he had
to charge me because neighbors had reported the light. I had to state in-
* come and property: Afterward "the chief of police" will determine the
level of the penalty. Until yesterday I was only expecting the worst; yester-
day Frau Voss told me of a case in which someone had only paid 12M; ad-
mittedly the someone was the Aryan wife of a general, and I have a J on
my identity card. Now I must wait, my mood going up and down.

February 13, Thursday

The little walk in the Lockwitzgrund yesterday was nice, the first for
months. — In Lockwitz as here, posters had been stuck up everywhere:
'1000 rallies. The year 1941." It is supposed to become the naturally victori-
ous year of decision, autos ecpt| [he says it himself], because really no one is
willing to hold out for seven years, as He at first promised, and morale
seems bad. An ominous novelty: a small printed (thus necessary and widely
used) note was stuck on top of the posters: "Anyone found tearing down or
damaging this poster , will without exception be called to account" Symptom!

[...]

On the Monday, which then brought the catastrophe — I am still in sus-
pense— I was at the Jewish clothes store in the morning. Bautzener Strasse,
wretched back house, one crosses an empty hall into a little room. There a
man, a woman and a boy of Galician appearance work at three sewing ma-
chines. Immediately adjoining is an elongated storeroom, like a second-
hand shop: hats, piles of shirts, worn clothing on tables, on shelves, hanging
from racks. A thin elderly man, hat on head, pipe in mouth, serves me. I was
very lucky. There were some brand-new carpet slippers there, and when I
revealed my much darned thin socks, brand-new socks also turned up — al-
though I had no slip for them, I believe the "professor" did a good turn. I re-
ceived all of three pairs and paid 6.60M for all these splendors.

Curriculum at a standstill. Very depressed mood. Shopping, food at
home and in town ever more difficult. The day is overloaded with trifles
and dwindles away.

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February 20, Sunday

Since Friday morning upset and completely taken up with a letter from
Dolzschen parish, the car must be sold within a week. I was at the Jewish
Community, they were unaware of any ordinance, at the Traffic Police on
Sachsenplatz: "not responsible," twice in Schiessgasse at the county pre-
fecture, where I surrendered my driving license in '38. Compulsory sale
had been in force for one year, they were under no obligation to show me
the ordinance. Wearily after a great deal of toing and froing, they looked at
my vehicle registration document which I had handed in then. Luckily I
took it to the local Opel man in Prager Strasse. A good looking, confidence-
inspiring man, early forties, it turned out that he was a nephew of my
former colleague Barkhausen (communications engineer and once a
democrat— now— still has his post). I think his advice was good, I was in
any case too down to do anything else. Result: Because taxes are owed on
it, the car would not find a buyer who would pay more than a junkyard.
He, Barkhausen, has a friend who is a secondhand dealer, trustworthy
and decent-thinking, who will not exploit my predicament and the fact
that I am not Aryan. Agreement by phone: Meincke, the dealer, Schan-
dauer Strasse, will take possession of our jalopy, as junk, for 170M. To-
morrow morning we will drive up to Dolzschen together, he will tow it
away. How much running from place to place and how much standing
around, how much extreme bitterness is contained in this entry, what
robbery and what an irreparable loss. When will I ever have a car again?
To make matters worse an agitated recriminatory conversation with Eva.
Her old complaint: that I hadn't listened to her and had built too late, that
I had been the cause of "years of torture" for her, that I had not signed the
house over to her in time to give us security. It hurts me greatly to be ac-
cused like this. And yet she is no doubt partly justified. Building the
house was completely against my nature, education, family pressure , ad-
vice of everyone around me, I did not at all feel equal to it. Perhaps dur-
ing all these years I have had no less sorrow than Eva, but I always
believed that I was putting her interests before mine and doing what was
humanly possible for her. She seems to think differently. Discussions are
of no help at all, they only make Eva even more miserable and myself
also. I often say to myself now: Why all this offense over what is past? We
are so close to the end. — With all of that and simply because of the never
ending morning and afternoon errands and the great amount of domes-
tic work the already faltering wartime chapter of the Curriculum has
come to a complete standstill.

The next blow to be expected is the confiscation of the typewriter. There
is one way of safeguarding it. It would have to be lent to me by an Aryan
owner. There is Frau Voss' curious friend Frau Paul. Her second marriage
was a very happy one to a Jewish businessman, she is now having a very
unpleasant divorce trial with her third husband, an Aryan teacher. She
would very much like to help me; she is afraid because of the trial. Every-

FEBRUARY 1941

375

one is afraid of arousing the least suspicion of being friendly to Jews, the
fear seems to grow all the time.

Fragments of conversation picked up while eating at the Monopol: A
girl who had been working for a year in some kind of administration of-
fice in Poland, on leave here, to her girlfriends, shootings were going on
constantly, it was rarely in the papers. There was no blackout because of
the many attacks. Another girl about a third: She had been frozen out, "be-
cause too friendly with the Jews."

Yesterday the Reichenbachs here for tea with us. He (62 years old) let
me feel a scar on his skull. Hit on the head with a cudgel "when we had to
get out at Buchenwald." After a while a first-aid attendant gave him a
dirty towel. There for six weeks. Ten thousand people herded together.
Nothing at all to do. Resting places, wooden bunks without any blankets
so close above one another that one could not sit, only lie. Lack of drink-
ing water, no water for washing. Later there was soda water at 1M a bot-
tle. People collected rainwater to drink. No medical help. Some needed to
be catheterized — it wasn't done.

On language: I am thinking more and more about the idea of the Diction-
naire philosophique. The Reichenbachs said that the expensive novelty of
"frozen" vegetables is called " plutocrat vegetables." Foreign words [ . . . ]
are used like church language. Halo of what is not understood. The mock-
ery linked with it. — Article on Jokes: [ . . . ] The tour of inspection of dev-
astated London: "We've arrived." — "Not yet. That's Bremen." Adaptation
of World War Jokes. Question, how long will the war last? Reply 1917-18:
"Till the officers have to eat the same food as the men." Answer today:
"Until Goering fits into Goebbels' trousers." [ . . . ] On the article Jew: The
Jewish people created by Hitler. We now stand in the same relation to Pales-
tine as the Swiss Italians to Italy. — " Looking through Jewish spectacles "
means: optimism and pipe dreams, also applicable to black pessimism.
Are simply the spectacles of an overheated, overthreatened state of mind.
— " Please not in the Jewish mailbox" means: Please don't leave the letter in
your pocket. Is supposed to be an old expression, but is now widespread.
Based on what? On "Jewish haste"? But how does it fit with Jewish busi-
ness sense or craftiness? Pay attention to Hitler's words about the Jews as
the "stupidest nation" in the world. — Article race: the invented Aryan,
Nordic race (Gobineau) romanticism. Oldest, the chosen tribe, combined
with modem (pseudo-) science. [ . . . ]

Sudermann in his story "The Mad Professor" describes the breakdown
of a scholar. The man manages only to scribble on slips of paper. Is that
how far I am now?

A Frau Banasch came to see me and demanded (demanded, did not ask)
very importunately a contribution for the Association to Aid Jewish Emi-
gration. It would not be a problem for me, only a banker's order necessary,
charitable donations were not debited from the monthly account allowance.
She did not believe that I am completely without assets, thought me callous,
hard-hearted, when literally from sheer necessity I refused.

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The police penalty for failing to black out is still hanging over me— now
I shall be able to pay for it with the money for the car. — Growing money
worries, food ever worse, Eva's appearance and health ever more
wretched, little mobility for her with wet roads under a new covering of
snow, frozen smooth again, now the grief, real grief at the theft of the car.
I once again suffer from the terrible feeling of looking forward to going to
sleep and fearing to wake up.

The SOS letter to Georg via Sussmann has remained unanswered. (Al-
though it was sent on by airmail from Stockholm on January 6, '41.) I do not
want any help at all from Georg, and yet his silence wounds me. Reich-
enbach, the official adviser on emigration, said to me yesterday, our quota
number, 56,400, will certainly be called up even before the end of the year.
(Provided that the USA does not enter the war.) I often compare the
present with Leipzig 1916-17. Which is worse? Today no doubt.

February 25, Tuesday evening

Eva is sleeping, the last few days have greatly weakened her; the car and
house business, on top of that the lack of fresh air because of the miserable
conditions on the roads (thawing snow, night frost, ice). This afternoon a
few steps in Lockwitz, a liqueur in the Scharfe Eck, which we have already
sought out a number of times, then a luxurious, for present circumstances,
supper in the Pschorrbrau by the Reformed Church — it only cheered her
up a little.

Yesterday morning to Automobile Salvage Meincke in Schandauer
Strasse. Wooden shed, inside a not inelegant office for an automobile junk-
yard. Meincke, a hearty younger man, confidence-inspiring, attempted to
console me. More money was not to be made on it at the moment, I would
not have been able to maintain the laid-up car anyway, one could always
find a good secondhand car. We drove up to Dolzschen in his car; I did not
want to enter my house, which looked good with the new red roof that
had been extorted from me. But afterward I helped push the jalopy out of
the garage. A very laborious task, in which Berger also participated. The
car had suffered badly: rust, mold, the wooden ring of the steering wheel
fell apart. A couple of small boys were standing around outside as the
jalopy was fastened by rope and they repeated again and again: The
Jew's car, the Jew's car." Berger, who helped to push it out, stressed his in-
nocence in this matter and the earlier demands for money. The parish
wanted to bully me, they really wanted to expel me from the house. "Your
car was discovered recently when they inspected the house again. They
will send you a new demand soon: The whole house and the big veranda
must be painted and completely renovated to prevent them from falling
into disrepair."

The last time, over the roof, the mayor had already declared: "Sell the
house, you will not be able to bear the costs that will arise." To his surprise

MARCH 1941

377

I did after all take on the costs of the roofing. But this new demand? Now
that I am poorer by the new 15 percent tax. And if I still manage even this
payment— when will the next demand come? They will torture me until I
give up the house, and Eva will grieve.

Towing the jalopy, we drove slowly down the snow-covered streets. I
got out at Teplitzer, comer of Josephstrasse. The jalopy still looked good as
it rolled away; it wounded me dreadfully that it was being driven to the
slaughter.

Meincke, the dealer, loosened up quite a lot. Quite obviously anti-Nazi,
philo-Semite, far from convinced of victory, anzi (he asked my opinion,
which I expressed fairly incautiously). At the same time: "I am an old
Party member. I have to stay in the Party, if I leave now. I'm finished."

The day before yesterday speech by the Duce, yesterday speech by the
Fuhrer. Both talked in superlatives, despite the Italian defeats in Africa, of
victory this spring. I laughed at Mussolini's speech. Hitler's made me stop
short with fear. He has so often proclaimed like a charlatan, and yet things
always turned out well for him.

Yesterday evening we arrived at the Monopol as Hitler was raving the
last few sentences into the radio in his paranoid, screaming voice. We
went out and waited until he and the Horst Wessel Song were finished.

March 1, Saturday evening

In the morning the milkmaid refused to come up. She is no longer allowed
to deliver to Jews' Houses.

At midday at the bank only 178M had been transferred from the pen-
sion office instead of the 409M of previous months: the new "social de-
duction" from Jews, 15 percent of income, deducted all at once for the
three months January to March. — After that the butcher declared he
would have to give less from now on because deliveries were so poor.

In the afternoon the news that Bulgaria had joined the Tripartite Pact.
So Greece is lost, so Russia looks calmly on, so the route to Egypt through
Turkey-in- Asia is open, so Germany appears to be winning the war.

In the evening we wanted to eat something at the Pschorrbrau and
found nothing edible without meat coupons, went to the Monopol and
found only turnips, went to the station and found nothing at all, went
back to the Monopol and ate the turnips. (All in spring weather and
slush.) As soon as we were home there was a police check.

One day in my life in the Third Reich.

March 4, Tuesday evening

Since yesterday— entry into Bulgaria— very depressed again. Yesterday
news from Anny Klemperer, who also heard only in a roundabout way.

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and without any details, that Georg has had a stroke. Emotion? Hardly
any. Consequences for me? Emigration to the USA even more difficult than
before. But then did I want to live there on his charity? [ . . . ]

Today there is supposed to be a report in the Dresdener NN: "Yid Klem-
perer, who yiddified the Berlin Opera” has escaped from the mental asy-
lum in Hollywood and been caught again. In his last letter about two
years ago, Georg wrote that he had treated Otto Klemperer for serious
brain disease. — I am now outliving those whom I envied, feared, some-
times hated— but in what a position and for how long? Stupid, mean,
pointless feeling of triumph and yet despite all self-knowledge undoubt-
edly present. Perhaps a feeling of relief. No one there anymore whose re-
jection of me could cause me any offense.

On language: 100 Percent. Certainly American. Title of a novel by Upton
Sinclair translated into German. Constantly used in Nazi German.

March 11, Tuesday

Georg's letter came on Thursday, March 6, doubly surprising after such a
long time and Anny's news. About that and about Sussmann s two letters
and our considerable reservations because of the 3,000M — "only” about
1,000M is deducted directly from the sum, but the rest is added to total in-
come and this total is taxed at 25-30 percent— see enclosures, copies of the
letters to Anny and Sussmann, Georg's letter itself. All of Jewry congratu-
lates us; our own feelings are very mixed.

The Balkan business is undecided and weighs on us.

March 13, evening

[...]

Official notice in the newspaper: "Cards of prisoners of war and J cards
are not to be supplied with oranges." We and the prisoners of war. Almost
half of our most recent ration card was cut off.

Language: Irrepressible will.

March 14, evening

For a long time I feared a large fine because of the failure to black out on
February 15. When nothing happened, I thought I had not been charged.
This morning summons of a prison sentence of eight days, and to present
myself at police headquarters within two weeks. I am dreadfully afraid of
it, and my heart is very, very heavy at leaving Eva alone. But I must force
myself to be calm, simply for her sake.

MARCH 1941

379

By comparison my stored-up little notes seem futile.

I now fetch our milk from Chemnitzer Platz. It is forbidden to deliver
anything to Jews Houses, our shop was far away, and the shops nearby
are not taking any new customers. I have old friends at Chemnitzer Platz.
That is where Eva must now go.

The Jewish world today. A lady who was downstairs visiting the
Kreidls conveys greetings from my niece Kate Sussmann (in Switzerland).
Kate was in a tuberculosis sanatorium there, is now employed there (as
dressmaker), [...]. Cohn, an honest man, who often collects donations
for the Jewish Community and to whom I have been unable to give any-
thing recently, brought me (with anxious secretiveness— he could be pun-
ished for it) two pairs of socks. The Community board refused my request
for a reduction of the enormously high tax (279M); there were no grounds
for a reduction, I should sell my house to alleviate my situation. These
people have no time for a baptized Jew. Especially when, as I do, he gives
one third of this tax to the Confessing Church.

It was Frau Voss' birthday on March 11. She spent half the night in the
kitchen and made four cakes; homemade cakes are de rigueur for her on
such occasions. Petit bourgeois proper thing to do. Later ten ladies came
for tea. We had to be there too.

It's less the lack of space, dirt, bad food, etc. of these days that I dread
than the anticipated complete lack of activity and emptiness of those 192
hours.

March 24, Monday evening

I have so much accustomed myself to the idea of imprisonment that it no
longer disturbs me in my work and I see the matter in an almost humor-
ous way. Besides there is still a degree of hope. I went to police headquar-
ters to inquire. Courteous response: I was advised to make a plea in
writing. [ . . . ] (I sent it off handwritten, so as not to draw attention to my
typewriter.)

On language: On the printed arrest warrant "Police Headquarters" has
been replaced by "The Chief of Police." Likewise: ". . . you will be . . . sen-
tenced by: ... I order you to be imprisoned." Leadership principle! [ . . . ]

At police headquarters I was told I would be allowed to read and write
(in pencil).

March 27, Thursday evening

I should have reported for my sentence today. I went there (to Police
Headquarters), but I was told, my petition was "being considered," it had
been "passed on with a positive recommendation," the decision lay with a
department head, I should wait and see what happens. At the police sta-

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tion they are very courteous, but since in the end some senior Party mem-
bers make the decision and my name is Victor Israel . . .

My mood and view of the situation as a whole change from day to day.
Conclusion of the Tripartite Pact with Yugoslavia: low point. Our troops
do not march in, so Russia objects after all: upswing. Some tiny place in
North Africa reconquered by German motorized troops— how did they
get across the sea? — new low. Etc., etc.

There was an unpleasant argument with the impossible Katchen Sara
Voss, and from the Deutsche Bank I learned that the 3,000M that Georg is
transferring to me from his blocked account will almost certainly be re-
leased and not taxed until next year. From these two roots there grows
once more, and this time with considerable force, a desire to move to
Berlin. It would be stimulating, a new cool place for one's pillow, to use
the French image, and there is very little here that still binds us. Also Eva
is better on her feet than before, more mobile. And the idea of emigrating
has after all become more tangible. In Berlin we could find out more and
make preparations more easily than here.

Some time ago I inquired of Lissy Meyerhof about it. Her response was
negative, and at the time we had no money whatsoever. Now I have writ-
ten a couple of lines to Heinz Machol, who runs a kind of pension. Per-
haps Eva, who as an Aryan can move freely, will go up there to get a sense

of things. .

On language: The young nations of Europe. When is a nation young r
When Mussolini was still opposed to Germany, he once said in a speech.
We already had a great culture, when the Germans did not yet have an al-
phabet. Now Germany and Italy are the "young nations" of Europe. (Cf,
The Young Germany — the Young Italy of Gutzkow and Mazzini.)

April 10, Thursday

Non-Aryans are to be completely barred from settling in Berlin. So our
plans of moving have again come to naught.

On language: Heinz Machol wrote of the occupancy of empty apart-
ments by demolition tenants , that is people from houses destroyed by
bombing. — Pay attention to the now ever more frequent "European New
Order"; no longer the freedom of Germany, but a euphemistically circum-
scribed European supremacy. — Have I already noted ready for action ? In
my diaries I note in the summer of 1916 how military language is pene-
trating non-military spheres. Draw on Bergson's psychology for this ex-
pansion. In my diary for 1916 or '17 also a remark on the racialist element
in the Wandervogel. That would be a separate article for my Dictionnaire:
Scouts [Wandervogel] Hitler Youth.

[...]

APRIL 1941

381

I interrupted the Curriculum, which is proceeding at a snail's pace, for
one and a half days, to deal with the most pressing Easter correspondence.

April 14, Easter Monday

Russian Easter: Eva is lying down a lot— neuralgia in her right arm, suf-
fering greatly — I have interrupted the Curriculum and have been reading
from Goncharov's Oblomov for hours. Fraulein Paulig in her old-fashioned
lending library suggested the book as something amusing, I had no idea
that we were taking on board such a classical and significant tome.

Only to the Pschorr yesterday evening and afterward walked back in
the rain for a bit past the Great Garden.

On the way to the Pschorr we read of the fall of Belgrade and Baria. —
Today I called old Kreidl up from downstairs, to "strengthen his back-
bone." I told him, even if Egypt were to be conquered now, even if Turkey
were to open the way through Asia, Hitler must lose the war, neither Rus-
sia nor the USA could accept the risk of his final victory. Do I believe what
I am saying? About 50 percent. But I am calmer now. I can face the course
of history more coolheadedly. What are ten, twenty years in the history of
a nation? In the long term Hitler cannot remain victorious, all world con-
quests fall apart at some point. All I am interested in now is our tempo-
rally very limited particular fate. And I am fatalistic about that. —
Naturally accompanied by many hours of severe depression. I dread the
thought of the USA. Dependent on Georg or his sons, not knowing the
language, completely out of practice as a teacher and 60 years old. But per-
haps this cup will pass from me, perhaps it will not taste quite so bitter,
perhaps I shall die first. I often say to myself now: After all I have a long,
interesting, not even so unsuccessful life behind me, and, whatever hap-
pens, only a remnant before me — why does it matter so much? But
Eva . . . sterile speculations, it would also be sterile if I wanted to plunge
into English grammar once again. I am sticking to the Curriculum, I shall
bury myself in it, as often as household and Eva's illness leave me time.
Tomorrow or the day after the handwritten manuscript of the "Front and
Military Hospital" section will be finished.

April 16

On the situation: Serbia, Greece destroyed, English expeditionary force
being evacuated, whole of Cyrenaica reconquered, Egyptian frontier
crossed. Turkey does nothing, Russia does nothing: (1) Why do the others
allow themselves to be butchered one at a time ? England has miscalculated
repeatedly since '39. Russia must know that an all-powerful Hitler Ger-
many will take the Baltic States, smash the Soviet Union. (2) The National
Socialists are the only ones who have learned from the World War and its

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aftermath and avoid the mistakes of that period. (Food supply, brutal rule,
concentration of power.) They do not lack greatness. But their greatness is
coupled with pettiness. (3) Every conqueror, every nation goes to war
with ostensible altruism, conscious egotism. But behind the subjectively
egotistical aim, behind the feigned humanitarianism there is an uncon-
scious objective one. The conqueror Napoleon is in the service of progress,
the conqueror Hitler in the service of repression, of backward movement,
egotistical England in the service of the freedom of mankind. (4) Once I
would have said: I do not judge as a Jew . . . Now: Yes, I judge as a Jew, be-
cause as such I am particularly affected by the Jewish business in Hit-
lerism, and because it is central to the whole structure, to the whole
character of National Socialism and is uncharacteristic of everything else.

April 20 ("Fuhrer's Birthday"), Sunday-April 21, Monday

Ussy Meyerhof here since Friday evening, staying until Monday evening.
(As last autumn.) Extremely exhausting, especially as Eva is suffering
badly from her neuritis, is lying down a great deal and is quite incapable
of working. Washing up, housework ad infinitum. In the intervals endless
talking. Main meal out, everything else at home. Also coupon and money
pressure; I paid Lissy's train journey — Georg's 3,000M not yet here, trans-
fer questionable.

But Lissy tells us many interesting things. (1) "Demolition tenants" are
not only those from bomb-damaged houses. Rather whole housing estates
of the "system period" are being pulled down to make way for new build-
ings. People say Hitler is more concerned with his building plans than
with the war. They say he has his astrologer (Hess ditto) and is completely
dominated by him. In addition to the demolition tenants there is also a de-
mand for housing (which is satisfied at the expense of the Jews — Lissy too
has now had to leave her apartment and has been given one room) from:

(a) Civil service families that are recalled from the Gouvemement Poland.
The idea is to give Poland to the Russians in exchange for the Ukraine. If
they do not agree: war. We must have a granary. A broad strip of land has
been evacuated in East Prussia, a strip of no man s land, masses of troops.

(b) Comer houses at important traffic junctions are also cleared of Aryan
tenants and SS quartered in them. As fortifications in case of an uprising.
(I also heard both, [a] and [b], confirmed from another source.) (2) Lissy
talks about and shows letters from the many branches of her scattered
family. Erich was in England, is now interned in Australia. His family: The
two sons were soldiers, were discharged as corporals. Are not especially
anti-Nazi. Their mother, always treated as inferior by the Meyerhofs,
daughter of a Christian petit bourgeois family, brought up the children to
be anti-Semitic. Apart from that the boys are more interested in sports
than anything else. Only now, now that they themselves are feeling the
pressure, now that the woman is separated from her husband, are mother

APRIL 1941

383

and sons drawing back from the Third Reich. — There has been no direct
news for years from Albert, whose family is now also in South Africa.
Berthold in New York is employed as a beer-truck driver in the family firm
of his benefactors; his wife makes home visits as a dressmaker. Hans is in
an internment camp on the Deserto near Sorrento. [ . . . ] Our joint letter to
him did not get through; Lissy had an unpleasant interrogation at the
Berlin Gestapo because of it.

April 22, Tuesday

Lissy went off yesterday evening at seven o'clock; we were really ex-
hausted. Eva's health not very good, we shall have to go to a doctor.

On Saturday, as we were eating at the Monopol, we heard Goebbels'
congratulatory address to the Fiihrer. Clerical pathos in a confident bass.
Nuance: "Our victory is as good as certain." (Until now it was always: We
have already won, the English just haven't noticed yet.) Most characteris-
tic expression: We do not need to know what the Fiihrer wants to do, we
helieve ^ him- Always and everywhere: National Socialism does not want
to know, to think, only believe. Eva heard a sentence, which I missed and
which is not in the newspaper either: The English "sow mistrust in the
army."

Frau Kreidl Sr. just been to see me. She only wanted to hear what peo-
ple were saying in Berlin. Immediately afterward unrestrained weeping:
She could not bear it any longer, she wanted to die, she was 66, too tired,
a burden on everyone, she would never live to see the end of the tyranny.
Hitler would be victorious over everyone, over Russia too

[...]

Language: [ . . . ] Since when bunker ?

For a while we were buying wheat beer. Now it is only being dispensed
in tiny quantities. A new decree reduces beer production as a whole by 50
percent: shortage of barley.

We shall be finished with Oblomov today. Great classic— very Russian.

April 24

Impossible to work on a single line. Eva lies down a great deal, I read
aloud a great deal, the rest is housework and shopping. And still hauling
up coal.

Eva now receiving treatment with diathermy. Dr. Gottreich Mehnert,
Oskarstrasse. Gray-haired, good-looking man. In his waiting room, in the
bookcase below the obligatory picture of Hitler, the complete Heine, Re-
marque, All Quiet on the Western Front , muster roll of his student fraternity,
several World War histories and that of an infantry regiment. Certainly no
Nazi. Frau Voss, who recommended him to us, assured us of that in ad-

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vance. But I wish he would give Eva, whose loss of weight alarms me, a
complete examination. That is still outstanding.

The 3,000M from Georg, which I now need very urgently, not yet there.
If the Foreign Exchange Office forbids transfer, then I shall be rid of my
house before autumn.

I am now often depressed by the thought that my work on the 18ieme
will be for nothing, because I shall be unable to find my way into it again,
and because everything will already be out of date — research has not
stood still. A work of literary history must emerge in its own time, it may
age afterward and thereby remain young. But it must not be bom out of
date. Then again I say to myself in resignation: And if I had died in 1933?
Then my Corneille would simply have been my last work. What does one
book more or less matter?

[•••]

April 25

The renewed affidavit that was requested has already arrived today from
my nephew George E. Klemperer. Its arrival was announced a few days
before in a letter from "Georg Klemperer Sr." How Georg's style always
unconsciously adjusts to prevailing convention. [ . . . ] He himself is only
"a worn-out old tub in a quiet harbor, without influence. But Gog is very
much a respected citizen, who has already established himself."

Today, after a typing gap of about four months, I began a copy of the
Curriculum. Rest of "Naples in Wartime," army chapters 1 and 2. That
will take many weeks, especially as I get around to it for only a few min-
utes a day.

[...]

May 15, Thursday

Hess affair (Deputy of the Fiihrer, to England in a plane), three days ago
on the radio, as we were sitting in the Pschorr, the day before yesterday
confused "explanation," now not a word, appears to have caused a great
sensation among the whole population. Should one place any hopes in it?
In my war diaries I come upon facts that I only allude to, because they
seemed to me incredibly momentous and imprinted on me forever— and
today I no longer know what they were about, they were unimportant
after all and slipped away. Will it be the same with Hess?

Last Saturday at the Neumanns in Winckelmannstrasse for tea. A niece
of Arthur Finks, with whom we are acquainted through Grete, her hus-
band (65, at least 20 years older than she) once manufacturer, now work-
ing in the Jewish Community, vehemently anti-German (with Iron Cross

MAY 1941

385

from the World War) and Zionist. Despite everything I emphatically de-
clared my commitment to Germanness. ("No one will believe you." — "It
is not a question of what others believe of me, my conscience alone is the
judge of my Germanness.") They lent me Sammy Gronemann, Hawdoloh
und Zapfenstreich [Havdalah and Last Post] with drawings by Magnus
Zeller. Fits in exactly with my present diary reading for Supreme Com-
mand East.

Surprise today, after about five years Karl Wieghardt here from the Got-
tingen Kaiser Wilhelm Institute. On his honeymoon trip with plain young
woman, secretary there. Outwardly unchanged, inwardly, for all the old
cordiality, disappointing. Nothing but fear and determination to remain
undisturbed. Without any contact with Gusti since the beginning of the
war. Yet it would be an easy matter for him to reach her via Maria Strind-
berg. Does not even know Maria's address. ("Are you still keeping a
diary? You surely haven't been noting my name?!" — "Write to you?
Why? One cannot say anything anyway.") Extenuating circumstance: He
is in an exposed position, experiments on effects of flying on pilots. His
non- Aryan stepmother. The dubiousness of his own Aryan ID. — His wife
East Frisian, therefore unobjectionable. Church wedding. — Little Karl,
the anticlerical Bolshevist! — On the other hand brave and touching that
he came to see us.

Typewritten copy making very slow progress. — Yesterday first day
without heating, today cold and damp again.

[...]

May 21, Wednesday

At Annemarie's in Pima for money. With heavy heart — she has not come to
see us for two years. Fear? Disloyalty? — But she was completely unaf-
fected, warm, passionately anti . . . She really cannot get away, Dressel is
standing in as head of the Heidenau Hospital, all the work of the clinic is
on her shoulders, also she has serious heart problems. (She has an unnatu-
rally thick, swollen head, a constant dry cough.) A number of her remarks
encouraged me. "What are you going to do with the American affidavit?
You cannot use it while the war is on, and afterward you won't need it any-
more." — "I always knew that the war is going to be lost, this absurd un-
derestimation of England!" — "In the last few weeks ten thousand people
have been called up here in Pima district alone. Everything is being sent
east. Russia! And America will come too." — "Why does the Fiihrer not say
a word about the Hess affair? He really ought to say something. What ex-
cuse will he use — Hess has been sick for years? But then he shouldn't be
Hitler's deputy. He flew in a Messerschmitt plane, so high that the antiair-
craft guns could not reach him." — "Sonnenstein has long ceased to be the
regional mental asylum. The SS is in charge. They have built a special cre-
matorium. Those who are not wanted are taken up in a kind of police van.

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People here all call it 'the whispering coach/ Afterward the relatives re-
ceive the urn. Recently one family here received two urns at once. — We
now have pure Communism. But Communism murders more honestly."

[...]

May 24, Saturday

Today we have been in the Jews' House for one year. Eva, in the midst of
tolerable cheerfulness, was irritated when I reminded her. — We have re-
sumed the walks of last year.

Yesterday on the radio in the evening — it starts at eight, we listen while
we are eating (Pschorr and/or Togel, Monopol has become unusable)—
warning against illegal broadcasting , not against listening. High treason,
prison or death sentence! So some things must have been broadcast, I sup-
pose in connection with Hess. So the joke is widespread— I have also heard
of leaflets stuck up in Lobtau: "Brown budgie flown away. Return to Reich
Chancellery." I have just found diary notice September 5, '18: General
Headquarters Berlin threatens one year in prison for spreading rumors,
even if at the same time one casts doubt on the rumor. Is the situation now,
mutatis mutandis, analogous? Is the analogy a pipe dream? Yesterday in
the Scharfe Eck in Lockwitz I for the first time heard people talking with
genuine enthusiasm about Hitler and National Socialism. Two draymen:
''Our Adolf will pull it off all right. — 1918? That ass, Wilhelm betrayed us,
the Jews were in charge— but now! They should be even tougher though,
we're still being too decent ..." The sinking of Prien's U-boat had just been
announced. "Shame— but for every boat sunk we've got five new ones."
And a soldier: "We'll be home at Christmas." — Always the question: What
is the mood of the people, who can account for it?

Latest rumor: The vast quantity of troops is not going E, but N, to Nor-
way. From there in the near future a landing in England.

May 27, Tuesday

Ups and downs. Two days of deepest depression: the parachute landing
on Crete, the tremendous cruiser losses of the English there — I took it all
as a successful dress rehearsal for the landing in England — the sinking of
the Hood (the "biggest battleship in the world") in the naval battle off Ice-
land. I was even more firmly convinced that Hitler would be the final vic-
tor than last year after France's defeat. But yesterday evening the usually
pessimistic Kreidl Sr. told me, (1) the action on Crete was far from decided,
the Germans did not have a firm front line yet, nor any heavy artillery, and
(2) "Crete was not England." [ . . . ]

I am now working through the diary pages Vilna '18, reading them first
of all. How much I had forgotten, how immensely important are precisely

JUNE 1941

387

the details of such a time! For the sake of my Curriculum I must make
notes even now, I must, no matter how dangerous it is. That is my profes-
sional courage. Certainly I also put other people at risk. But there is
nothing else I can do.

Sussmann writes that Lotte has lost her position because the native
who formerly held it has turned up. Now the Police Aliens' Department is
threatening her with deportation or concentration camp. In free Switzer-
land! Which is not free and fears occupation.

May 29

The most miserable thing for us in the last war was having to eat sepa-
rately. What then arose from lack of money, appears this time to come
from lack of coupons. The day before yesterday— extreme shortage of
coupons at the end of the four-week cards — the "regular," the dish one
could have without coupons, in the Pschorr was off. I left Eva there (since
I polish off %> of our common bread ration at home, I have to leave her the
necessary fat and bread coupons for the restaurant); recently there has
been hardly anything without bread coupons, frequently not without
"cake coupons" (that is, bread coupons not stamped R, i.e., for rye) and
went to Jakob in Prager Strasse, big sausage shop and "snack bar." I was
already sitting in the back room when I saw the sign "No Jews allowed"
not just the sign usual elsewhere: "Jews not welcome." I remained nev-
ertheless. There was black pudding soup and vegetables and black pud-
ding soup again — all without any coupons and I only paid one mark. But
there were also conversations at my table. A young man with Party badge,
a family. The young man talked about the latest bulletin, sinking of the
Bismarck. Which had destroyed the Hood the day before. The German loss
was more serious than the English, was irreplaceable. Our most modem
battleship. The daughter of the family said literally: "It's a sad week for us.
First Hess, then Prien, now the Bismarck."

June 3, Tuesday after Whitsun

Of Georg's 3,000M present the Foreign Currency Office, Freiburg im Breis-
gau, has "provisionally" allowed "1,200M in monthly installments of
200M." That is not much help because only doctor and taxes and expendi-
ture on the house (mortgage, repairs etc. = "maintenance of inland assets")
are outside the tax-free limit of 320M. The reserve at Annemarie's has
shrunk to 400M — so we shall hardly be able to continue the luxury of eat-
ing out beyond the autumn. [ . . . ]

But I do not believe that the situation will last the year. Crete has been
conquered and is being played up as a great victory and the prelude to the
conquest of England from the air. But Iraq has been taken by the English

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(Baghdad!), and morale here is in part poor, in part apathetic. — Today
when I paid my storage rent at Thamm's one of the moving men from last
year greeted me heartily and gave me encouragement in a bellowing
voice. _ "it's getting better, the war is going well for us." — "What do you
mean 'for us'?" — "Well, not for the Nazis!"

[...]

June 9, Monday

It is now a game (only a Jewish game?) to fathom the popular mood. In
restaurants, in shops. Today Hochgemuth, cigar dealer, lottery agent,
freemason, told me: "There are rumors everywhere that we've been
marching through Russia for three weeks. I don't think there is anything
to it. _ The mood is very poor. The workers are switching off (sic). They
used to say 'Heil Hitler,' now they say 'Good morning.' I have been
warned, there are 'professional grumblers' going around, they provoke
citizens into speaking their mind, by grumbling themselves. They are al-
lowed to, they're covered by their Party cards. — I think it'll go wrong. —
Yesterday in the Pschorr a fresh young woman at our table exclaimed after
her headcheese: "God knows, that has not filled me up." She ordered a
bockwurst as well, gave a quarter-pound's worth of meat coupons for it. I
asked if she was full up now. She became affable: There wasn't even
enough for four such sausages every week. "And next month we'll be cut
by another 1M ounces a week, I saw the new card in Magdeburg. The cake
coupons are to be dropped as well. And my husband has been called up
now. Our good young blood. And there's nothing but foreigners running
around the streets, Belgians, Italians, Serbs in the armaments factories .

Today the news that the De Gaulle troops have marched into Syria.
Hourly we quote Frau Voss's favorite phrase: "1 wonder what will happen

For a whole hour today very dispirited with all my old doubts. I had to
invite the Reichenbachs by telephone. (Very unwillingly. No tea, no cake
coupons.) He declined; they have suddenly been expelled from their
apartment, must be out by June 20, and do not know where to go. Their
apartment was already two makeshift rooms like ours here. Now they will
probably have one room. He lamented: London, the lawyer, his colleague
in Emigration Advice left early this morning— for the USA. "One aftel' the
other. We shall remain quite alone. Our own affidavit rendered invalid by
the death of the issuer. The widow has refused by telegram." There I asked
myself again: Shall I expedite our emigration? By sending in the new affi-
davit and adding. Passage can be guaranteed to me by telegram? (It is
supposed to help.) Long painful consultation with Eva. She said, over
there she would have no hope of ever again finding a life of her own, there
she would only be able to sit around and go to the cinema, nothing else.
Here at least she still retained some hope. I myself fear dependence on rel-

JUNE 1941

389

atives— [ . . . ]— and impotence with regard to the language. We shall do
nothing to speed it up and continue to wait and see as "obstinately" as be-
fore. It wounds me so much to hear Eva say that "for many years she has
had nothing from life." Since she took up the organ in 1917, our mutual
bonds alone have not been enough to give her fulfilment. Everything
starts here. The desperate longing for a house began when she could no
longer play the organ.

June 14, Saturday

After three months and against all expectation my plea of March 18 has
been rejected, and so there remains a prison sentence of a full eight days,
which I must begin on June 23. Reading and writing in pencil are supposed
to be permitted. Keep smiling — I shall try.

After years (I think decades) Eva feels a desire and the skill in her fin-
gers to start typing again. She's getting practice through my dictating
parts of the front-line chapter to her. Apart from this copy, which whether
made by myself alone or by both of us, will take weeks, no work at all on
the Curriculum. But before the sentence I want to make summary notes on
Book Examination Sup. Com. East" — only the first Kovno page has been
completed — perhaps I can write something in vinculis.

[...]

Yesterday it became clear to us how the rumor— it has been doing the
rounds for weeks — "we've already been marching through Russia for a
long time," probably comes about. A woman said to Voss: "My son has writ-
ten to me from Russia." — "From Russia? From where then?" — "Beyond
Warsaw." For these people Poland and Russia merge into each another.

June 18, Wednesday

I am counting the days until the beginning of the sentence; the waiting is
the worst. — I want to add after the event, that Wilhelm II died in Doom
a few days ago, in his eighty-third year. It touched me, because it brought
my age home to me. The Emperor of my youth, in my mind always the
young Emperor of the nineties. I feel a hundred years old.

Language 3rd R. The symbols: (ft) expressionist. Y for bom, A de-
ceased. Cross frowned on. A few days ago decree from the Minister of
Culture to delete the subject of religion from school reports. "Where con-
fessional religious teaching is given: mark on a separate sheet." — The life
rune Y on Bienert's wholemeal bread. — The extravagantly abusive and
offensive tone of the newspapers. The day before yesterday an article
against the Biesterfeld man, the Dutch prince consort who is making pro-
paganda in the USA for Holland :/: H. "Scoundrel," "degenerate," etc.
Churchill and Roosevelt every day: Criminals, liars, murderers. [ . . . ]

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I read a Stevenson story aloud. [ . . . ] Now we are going to start another
great Goncharov: The Precipice. But we do not have much time for reading.

Yesterday evening on Siidhohe a convoy of dusty, battered military ve
hides (troops, canvas rolled back); chalked inscriptions like: Athens-home,
Corinth-mummy-Balkans; flat, ugly English helmets stuck onto the radia-
tors. The convoy stopped for a while at the little Toll House, a crowd of
passersby gathered. No demonstration of sympathy indifference.

June 22, Sunday afternoon

The worst part, having it draw nearer, is almost over. Tomorrow.

Today the most tremendous distraction. Russia. Kreidl Sr. came by in
the morning. "It's starting with Russia." Fraulein Ludwig (Friedheim's
housekeeper) heard Goebbels on the radio, "Russia's treachery"— Jewish-
Bolshevism. I then went down to Dr. Friedheim, who lent me Poetry and
Truth for my imprisonment, and made me a present of a packet of expen-
sive tobacco as consolation. The man is garrulous, vain, bank director,
proud of his successes, over 60 years of age. "90 percent National Social-
ist"— anti-democratic, monarchist— otherwise very nice. Believes in
Hitler's fall. Meanwhile the radio was on in the hospital next door. Eva
summed up: Goebbels' speech will be repeated at half past twelve. We
went into town, ate the "regular" at Pschorr, listened to the broadcast as
well as we could with all the noise. The speech was already printed in the
special edition, a bent, half-blind old woman handed it to us and said:
"Our leader! He has had to bear it all alone, so as not to trouble his peo-
ple!" Our very good, hard-working waiter said: "I was a prisoner in
Siberia in the World War." — "What do you think now?" — Confidently:
"The war will come to an end more quickly now." — What is the mood of
the people? Always my same old question. How many think like the old
woman and the waiter? For how many is it a debacle? How many will say,
after a pause of two years, the Jewish-Bolshevist number has now been
cranked up again? Now the treaty of friendship concluded with the Turks
three or four days ago has become problematic? [ • • • ] When it got too
noisy at Pschorr, we walked to the Ring and promenaded on the central
reservation, while a loudspeaker preached from the streetlight suspended
at the comer of Prager Strasse. Ribbentrop's note simultaneously ap-
peared as a special edition. Back here toward three. Very tired and worn
out. — Now into town again for supper and eight o'clock news.

Evening

General cheerfulness of the populace. Mood: "Triumphant we shall con-
quer France, Russia and the whole wide world." At our table in the
Pschorr elderly, somewhat inebriated commercial traveler and dull, petit
bourgeois married couple. The traveler: "Now we know where we stand.

JULY 1941

391

we II get it over with more quickly — we're ready and armed, it's not like it
was under the Empire. Only question is, what will Turkey do?" The petit
bourgeois man: "We're ready for that too, we'll get it too." Then the
haveler told awful anti-Nazi jokes, one after the other. "People have to tell
jokes, as long as it stays within limits." The limits were drawn very wide,
but it was told in high spirits and full of confidence in victory —
We got the packed E bus as far as the Toll House, walked home along
Sudhohe. They were dancing in the Toll House, cheerful faces every-
where. A new entertainment, a prospect of new sensations, the Russian
war is a source of new pride for people, their grumbling of yesterday is
forgotten [...].

July 6, Sunday

l am trying to work up in outline on the typewriter the terrible week, no
eight days, in prison, June 23 till July 1. Since my return on Tuesday ex-
hausted, dazed, overjoyed, incapable of doing anything. Perhaps this was
the good thing about the time of tribulation, that we became conscious
again of belonging together, of our happiness, of the absolute unimpor-
tance of evepdhing apart from being together. Short walks — an apple juice
in the evening in the Toll House, chatting in the evening with Katchen
Sara, that's all. And housework of course, which after the nothingness
now seems pleasant to me.

The Neumanns were here on Friday. [ . . . ] I read out part of the Front
chapter. Debate on Zionism and Germany. Made friends with Dr. Fried-
heim, who overwhelmed me with attentions (tobacco, wine). — Heavy
pressure of the situation in Russia. [ . . . ] Not a line read out, not a line
written. — I am interrupting the ongoing work on the Curriculum in favor
of Cell 89, the typewritten copy of which now follows. It should be truth,
not poetry and truth, does not have to be the final Curriculum text.

Cell 89, June 23-JuLY 1, 1941

I began my long-pending police sentence in June: I had believed that once
again it would only turn out to be something of a half measure like most
of my experiences; but it proved to be horribly much the real thing.

On February 10 the window next to the desk was not blacked out. Until
then, that is throughout 17 months of war we had always blacked out with
the greatest care and always been annoyed at the countless instances of
carelessness (...) which we encountered, first among our neighbors in
Dolzschen, then on our return journeys to the Jews' House from supper in
town. They've made a peace treaty of their own, Eva used to say, when we
passed an illuminated window. There were repeated warnings and
threats, the fines rose, there were to be prison sentences for repeated of-
fences or particular malice — but the many half or fully illuminated win-
dows remained, especially as before autumn and after November '40,

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there was not a single air raid warning here. It was our regular habit to
black out both our rooms before darkness fell and before we went out for
our afternoon walk. But on February 10, just as we were about to go out,
we had a visitor who stayed a long time. It grew late, we had to be back at
eight, at the station ancient waiters served at a snail's pace: so we hurried
out. When we came back at eight, the night was like a black wall before the
window, and we switched on the light as usual. Half an hour later a po-
liceman rang the bell, one of the honest and friendly people from our sta-
tion who carried out the supervision of the Jews very courteously. There
was an illuminated window here. "Certainly not here," I said with a good
conscience. Not until the man opened the window, did the omission occur
to me I asked him whether he could not leave it at a warning, otherwise
with my J card I would have to pay an especially large fine. He could not
fail to bring a charge, he replied, because the window had been drawn to
his attention (there had been a denunciation in other words). I had to state
the amount of my income and assets because that would determine the
amount of the fine. "You will have to pay 200M," predicted Katchen Sara,
"a poor Jewish girl was recently sentenced to 180M for the same thing.
You should have let your Aryan wife take the blame, then you would have
gotten away more cheaply." But the next day she came home from her
many visits with more favorable news: The average fine for both Yid and
Christian was 20M. Weeks then passed, without notification of any penalty,
and I was already beginning to think that the friendly policeman had not
brought a charge after all. Then On March 13 it came: not a fine, but eight
days in prison, for which I had to report within two weeks, unless I peti-
tioned for a judicial decision. For a while I was shocked; I could not make
up my mind to lodge an appeal, because what could I as a Jew expect from
a judge? After much consideration I went to police headquarters, where I
was given very friendly advice by junior officers. I would do well to ac-
cept the punishment, but at the same time to make a plea for leniency,
after all this was a first and obvious oversight. Besides prison was not a
cruel punishment, one was allowed to read, one was also allowed to write
in pencil. Eva said that, at worst, it would amount to an enrichment of my
Curriculum. I therefore submitted a petition, and when it had not been an-
swered on the day my sentence was to begin, I again went to Schiessgasse,
Room 197 on the 3rd floor, without any great fear. The same friendly po-
licemen. My petition was "pending," it had been passed on with a recom-
mendation, there was nothing more that could be done, a particular
department head made the decision, I had to wait now. I went home re-
lieved, and in the period that followed, the initial nightmarish pressure
became ever lighter. Nowhere, nowhere even among the Jews, was there a
known case of imprisonment for a first time blackout misdemeanor, the
usual fine was now said to amount to 50M, possibly they would make it
more for non- Aryans; money was needed, the prisons were overcrowded.
Since additional funds had been transferred to me from Georg's blocked
account and since police fines were tax free, I had hardly any need to fear

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393

the financial burden. I waited almost three months, and sometimes I for-
got the small misfortune altogether. Even when the police decision came
on June 12 [ . . . ] I opened the letter very calmly. My petition was rejected,
I had to appear at Room 197, between eight and twelve a.m. on June 23, to
begin my sentence and to pay 12M for meals, 3.50M duties. "If you do not
appear at the proper time, you must expect to be presented by force." I felt
very bitter, for I undoubtedly owed it solely to the J on my identity card,
but I resolved to face the whole thing philosophically and regard it as an
enrichment of my Curriculum. Police custody was not imprisonment, the
police were not brutal like the Gestapo, and with the help of reading and
writing the time would pass. Also I did not need to be especially worried
about Eva, she was now firmly on her feet, and the irksome coal heaving
of the winter was no longer necessary. From Dr. Friedheim I borrowed
Goethe's volumes of autobiography, from my tiny reference library I took
Moog's History of German Philosophy in the 20th Century; and since on my
last free Sunday the outbreak of war with Russia mightily raised my spir-
its, I left the house on Monday after a late breakfast and a heartfelt leave-
taking in a very reasonable state of mind. Eight days were no eternity, I
would send greetings, a greeting, perhaps even be able to receive a visit.
My courageous mood even held in the already familiar Room 197. The po-
liceman was again very courteous, almost comically courteous. Please
wait outside on the bench for a while, please be a little patient (I thought:
eight days!). Then he read out a minute: "Commencement of sentence
Monday, 11:30 A.M., release Tuesday, July 1, 11:30 a.m." and placed it in a
blue-and-red-bordered envelope, on it in giant letters and with an excla-
mation mark the word "Custody." At the sight of this folder I was for the
first time overcome by a slight feeling of nausea. "So, as far as I am con-
cerned the case has now been dealt with, please come with me." — "Shall
I be able to keep the books?" — "I certainly think so." We went down the
three flights of stairs; to the left of the entrance was a large iron door with
the inscription "Police Cells." The officer rang the bell, the door was
opened, he led me in and immediately left again, the door was locked be-
hind him, and now I was in a different world.

For a moment I thought: "Cinema." A huge rectangular hall; glass roof,
six galleries with glass floors, railings of steel rods, wire nets between the
individual floors, as if to break the fall of trapeze artists, but behind all the
light transparency the uniform rows of dark spots, the handleless cell
doors. I sat on a bench, a couple of men in prison clothes beside me; one of
them whispered something to me in a foreign language. (Afterward I
learned that many Poles were held here.) In the middle of the hall a po-
liceman was writing in a booth, while all around there were shouts and
words of abuse. From above came echoing calls, prisoners and turnkeys
ran, moved along the galleries and up and down the stairs, there was an
unpleasant noise everywhere. Opposite me was a door with the inscrip-
tion Police Doctor/ beside it sat three decent-looking young women, be-
hind me there appeared to be a cloakroom. I took all that in within the first

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few seconds, somewhat stupefied by the rattle as the mighty iron outer
door was shut and by the unceasing din, but not yet really shocked: I still
felt as if I were a spectator, and if the noise in the building was loud, it was
hardly very different from the unforgettable hubbub of a barracks. Then I
was standing in the cloakroom in front of a young policeman. — Should
he have a bath? Probably unnecessary. "Undo your tie, unbutton your sus-
penders. Faster. In the time it takes you to remove your tie. I'd be com-
pletely undressed." It did not sound excessively brutal, but the order was
roughly given. Only now did I know that I was not watching a film. "How
shall I hold up my trousers?" — "With your hands. You can pull them
tight somehow in your cell. Your briefcase. Nightshirt and toothbrush you
can keep, hairbrush is superfluous, books and spectacles stay^here.^

"But I was told ..." — "We make the rules here." — "But ..." — "You
would have to make an application. Ask at the counter. The man at the
counter, half looking up, made a gesture with his elbow as if he wanted to
push me away and shouted: "Clear off." Someone pressed a slip of paper
into my hand, "Cell 89" was written on it, and said: "Three flights— Go!"
Upstairs one of the dark doors was opened, behind me the double sound
of the key turned in the lock and of a heavy latch bar falling into place.
Then I was alone, and the loud voices outside merged and could not be
separated anymore. Once again I had the feeling "cinema" and with it the
memory of countless images, comic and tragic, of the prisoner in his cell.
Then I was overwhelmed by the tragic novelty of the whole thing, the
banal perception— all the most profound perceptions are banal, at most
one man finds a somewhat more original expression for it than another
man— that we know nothing at all except what we have experienced our-
selves. Pity is such a shabby thing. I can torment myself with wanting to
feel pity, and yet I don't succeed. How would I feel, Eva, if you were lying
sick, if I knew you were on the operating table next to me? I wanted to feel
pity! and my thoughts strayed, I would have liked to hit myself because of
my lack of feeling, and my thoughts strayed here and there to trifles, be-
came egotistical— I did not really feel pity. How could I know beforehand,
what imprisonment, what a cell is? Only at the second that the door fell
shut, that the latch fell into place, did I know it with a nameless fear. At
that second the eight days turned into 192 hours, empty caged hours. And
from then on the awareness of the heavy hours did not leave me again and
became the real torment of these days. In translations of American novels,
one usually finds the word Stop spelled out between each sentence of a
telegram. Similarly, whether I liked it or not, slow-moving time again and
again inserted itself between all my thoughts throughout this period: an-
other 185 hours, another 184, another 183 .. . There was no getting away
from it, and each one passed more slowly than the one before, and each
had its particular restraint. But to be quite precise: This stop sign only
began at hour 186, because only then did I discover a way of buttoning
over my trousers so that they stayed on my hips; until then it was not Stop
but: My trousers are slipping, my trousers are slipping. What good is all

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395

philosophizing about the inviolability of one's inner moral dignity? I ex-
perienced the misery of the slipping trousers, then of the tied-up trousers
as the most extreme humiliation. And I did not remove my collar, even
when it was very hot, because that gave me something at least to hold on
to, because I did not want to be one of the "gentlemen without collars,"
who were not allowed to dance at Schramm's in Wilmersdorf. (Since there
was no mirror I was hardly aware that my tie was missing.)

I came out of the shock of the door shutting because of a loud, regular,
continuous hammering sound above my head, tap-tap-tap-tap. I realized
immediately: The prisoner above me is pacing his cell. Familiar and yet
completely new, only now reality, coming from the surface and penetrat-
ing deep inside. I matched the man's rhythm: four long strides from the
door to below the high drop window. From side to side I could only man-
age three short strides, and there was no point at which I could do so in a
straight line because of the pieces of furniture against the long sides. Any-
how the room was not so tiny. Also not oppressively low, it was certainly
a good three yards to where the vaulted ceiling began, also bright and
not— not unclean would probably be an exaggeration, but certainly not
thick with dirt, no horrible medieval dungeon. But a cage after all, a
dreary cage with bare gray-green walls and whitish ceiling, with opaque
window panes and a barred peephole in the door, closed from the outside
by a flap. It all emanated an oppressiveness, a rising increasing fear, which
I dreaded. Was the romantic medieval dungeon really any more cruel?
Perhaps one suffered less because the torment was greater. Straw and
rustling rats and spiders, which one could observe, were, after all, a dis-
traction from the self, the outside world, not the utter bareness, the ab-
stract space of the cell, the naked idea of imprisonment. I had to break free
of this idea of emptiness. The cell was my room, equipped with all that
was necessary, I had only to study it in every detail. To the left on my walk
to the window I had the bed. It hung folded up against the wall with two
feet, held by staples like a bat, the bed cover, the woolen blanket, the sheet
were spread over the edge of the bed, above it leaned the wedge-shaped
headrest with the stenciled letters PPD, Polizeiprasident Dresden [Chief
of Police Dresden]. I memorized the arrangement exactly, after all I would
take it apart eight times and reconstruct it. Opposite on the right, also fas-
tened to the wall, a tiny roughly made fold-up table with one leg, a tiny
bench with one leg. In front of the table by the window a small shelf, on it
a brown water jug, more precisely a coffee pot, a brown washbasin, a
brown earthenware beaker, a half bar of ersatz soap, a tin spoon, a tin box
with salt, beneath it a pegboard with three pegs, two empty, on the third a
clean towel with the letters PPD. Behind the bench beside the door, two
yards at most from the dining table, a lavatory. This was the only devia-
tion from the superficial image of a cell familiar to me. Really it should be
a pail standing here, instead it was a modem hygienic WC. Certainly the
WC too soon made me feel my imprisonment: The flush could only be ac-
tivated from outside, and this was done mornings and evenings. In be-

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tween lay the warm summer day, the warm summer night, and only the
top half of the drop window was opened. To the medieval dungeon there
belongs stereotypically the pestilential stench. In this respect too the exalt-
ing and the stupefying were missing, one could breathe the air, it was
merely stuffy and nasty. What else was there to see in Cell 89? I carefully
had to fill the emptiness with every possible thing that presented itself.
Opposite the lavatory, high up by the door the three pipes of the steam
heating, just above the door, below the ceiling, a lightbulb; it was inside a
barred cage — a scaled-down likeness, a symbol of my self and my lodg-
ing. Better not look in that direction! What else? A very crooked and
clumsy swastika had been scratched on the wall behind the lavatory, en-
graved very regularly and skillfully in the table, a Soviet star. Par nobile.
Anything else? Yes, all kinds of smudged scribbled names on the walls— I
could not decipher them without spectacles. And above the table on a
piece of card the house rules of the police prison I could not decipher
them without glasses. Or perhaps yes, I could take it off the wall, I could
get the sheet in the right position, I could take my time over it; if it took a
long time, if my eyes began to ache because of the blurred flickering I
would be resting my eyes for long enough. The deciphering must have got
me through several hours, I moved back and forth with the sheet, con-
stantly halting, constantly searching for the most favorable shaft of light,
stretching each sentence so to speak by carefully thinking it over. The first
went; "Prisoners are forbidden to use the German greeting." It was fol-
lowed by the daily program. Wake-up time at six o'clock. The cell must be
tidied by seven. Morning meal. At 11:30 midday meal, at 5:30 evening
meal. The bed may only be used between nineteen hours and six hours.
Then: All conversation is forbidden during exercise outside. Comforting: I
would be exercised outside— an interruption, breathing in fresh air. Then:
Applications to the House Inspector are to be made through the warders.
Comforting: I would apply for my glasses and book to be released to me,

I was only in custody after all, not in prison, there was a mistake on the
part of subordinate officials. Both hopes were disappointed, but both did
hold up for a little while and so helped me get over the beginning. I was
not allowed exercise once in the 192 hours and it was impossible to make
an application via the warder. "The warder" — these were police consta-
bles, who changed two or three times, old and young, bad-tempered,
coarse, indifferent, almost courteous ones, and yet it was always essen-
tially the warder. None was brutal or even inhuman, but each one en-
deavored to be unapproachable, tried to have as little as possible to do
with the prisoner, not at any price to deviate from the minimum he had to
do according to regulations. The door was opened a crack and immedi-
ately slammed shut again. Only a couple of times did I manage to call out
in time: "Officer." The replies to my request went: The first time: "Must be
done in writing, ask the officer tomorrow morning, it's too late now." The
second time: "Monday is writing day." The third time: "I cannot give them
back to you if they were taken away from you downstairs." The fourth

JULY 1941

397

time (a man with a very good-natured and intelligent face): "I'll consider
it." After a while he came back and held out the Freiheitskampf: "Do you
want to read?" — "But I can't without spectacles, officer." Then he pulled
the newspaper back and closed the door. The fifth time (a particularly
bad-tempered one): "Instead of sweeping out your cell, you make re-
quests: you don't make requests in prison." — "But officer. I'm in cus-
tody." — "It's all the same. You are in prison, so you don't need
spectacles. I made this attempt on Thursday and its failure had an un-
pleasant consequence.

The house rules ended with threatened punishments. Resistance, flight
or attempted suicide would result in fetters or use of weapons. My
trousers slipped again, the precautionary confiscation of suspenders and
tie occurred to me again. I considered how one might commit suicide in
such a cell; at first it seemed almost impossible to me (the window was
barred, and they had carefully felt my pockets downstairs), after that
child's play. A twisting thinner pipe led away from the uppermost of the
three heating pipes, and a rope could easily be thrown around these pipes
from the bottom end of the bed, and the rope itself — it did not have to be
suspenders, probably handkerchief or briefs would do, but a twisted sheet
would certainly work admirably well. If a warder did not happen to look
through the peephole at the wrong moment. But the usual times of in-
spection would soon be familiar to one. And the resolve to go to the limit
did not have to be summoned up here.

My cell was opened: "You, go over there!" Close by my cage a gangway
crossed the middle of the hall, a large clock hung here, it was almost five,

I had got through the first little bit of imprisonment. On the other side, be-
tween cells, was a warders' room. There I was measured, my teeth exam-
ined, impressions taken of all ten fingers and of both hands, everything
evidently exactly as the necessary particulars of criminals are taken for the
rogues' gallery. But in the circumstances the two ununiformed officials
displayed an almost comical kindness. One loaned me his glasses so that I
could sign the statement, which did not help me much, and consoled me,
saying that I would certainly get my own back soon. The other, while tak-
ing the statement, asked: "Religion Mosaic?" The word Jew, stamped as a
word of abuse, was avoided. It was as if here they did not want to accept
the distinction between Aryan and non- Aryan, as if they wanted to have
nothing in common with the Jewish persecution by the Gestapo and were
a little ashamed of it. To the question as to religion I replied: "Protestant."
Surprised look: "But your identity card?" — "By law, by descent." Silence,
even greater politeness than before. I returned to my cell in better heart —
but it was the cell. The lock rattled again, the latch bar fell. Immediately
thereafter I heard loud steps, opening of doors, then my door was also
opened again and someone called out: "Coffee pot!" Two men in prison
clothes came past with a large hand-barrow, one put down several slices
of bread and a little piece of margarine for me, a third followed with a
huge can and poured something into the brown beaker. The door

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slammed shut again. The feeding, three times a day, which always took
the same form, became my daily timekeeper. In the evening and at night I
heard the strokes of the Kreuzkirche nearby, also more distant town
clocks, during the day everything was drowned out in the roar of the city
noise. The prison fare in itself did not bother me. We were well into the
second year of the war, the phrase scarce commodity was just appearing,
and if the Aryans got little of something, the non-Aryans got nothing at
all. All in all I was fed no worse in prison than at home, in fact a couple of
times better than at home. Besides during the first few days I felt no
hunger at all, I felt so low that I did not even miss smoking. I ate entirely
out of a sense of duty, so as not to become too exhausted. Later it hap-
pened that I would have liked to have a more ample meal in the evening.
But then how often did I really eat my fill at home, as I would in peace-
time? No, as far as diet went prison was no new experience for me. In the
morning a thin porridge was poured into the coffee pot, and with it were
a quarter pound of dry bread (I knew the weights exactly from the restau-
rants); in the evening some kind of herbal tea was poured into the coffee
pot, a good half pound of bread was distributed, together with a half
ounce of margarine or a little dish of jam or a little bowl of sugar. On such
pleasant occasions a thin com coffee replaced the herbal tea; I crumbled
the bread into the sweet beverage, it was a very nice meal. Admittedly it
had to last me all of thirteen hours. At midday too there was occasionally
the call: "Coffee pot!" and the com coffee was poured out for us; then
there was a large bowl of jacket potatoes and tiny portion of cottage cheese
with it. Mostly, however, a plate of gruel was handed out, and twice there
were even small whole pieces of meat and fat floating in it. Yes and on
Sunday evening there was even a thick slice of headcheese beside the half
pound of bread. None of it meant any kind of vicious starvation for me, no
especially unfamiliar Spartan condition. It was only the utensils, the form
and receptacle of the food, that bothered me. The coffee cup was simulta-
neously the drinking glass and the mug for brushing my teeth, the gruel
was handed over in a battered tin bowl, the only item of cutlery was an old
tin spoon. If the margarine or the jam was to be put on the pieces of bread,
then I had to spread it with the spoon handle or pass the bread over jam
and margarine. And behind the naked dining table stood the lavatory.
How many hands had already passed from the lavatory seat to the table
on which I placed my bread! Washed hands? How often during the day
was I able to wash my own hands? The jug of water was filled morning
and evening (one had to put it quickly through the crack in the door at the
right moment, quickly take it back the next time the door was opened), the
jug was a coffee cup, and the water also had to suffice for drinking. Nev-
ertheless even the primitiveness and repulsiveness attached to the feeding
was not a lasting torment to me. It had all not been so very different in bar-
racks and in the dugout very much worse. I quickly grew accustomed to
it; by the second day I would no longer even have noticed at all, had it not
been for the opening of the door a crack and the banging shut, closing.

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399

dropping of the latch bar, which repeatedly hammered imprisonment into
me. But eventually I would have got over that too. A very old Third Reich
joke, told to me by the long-escaped Gusti Wieghardt, gave me real conso-
lation. Questionnaire of the fourth Reich: “When were you imprisoned
under the previous government? If not, why?" It is honorable to be im-
prisoned now, it will be advantageous to any future character reference. I
am not guilty of anything, I am not imprisoned because of my blackout
misdemeanor, but I am in prison as a Jew. Nothing can truly humiliate me,
every humiliation only raises me up and secures my future. I preach it to
myself again and again, and it did help a little.

The only real torment, ever increasing and impossible to deaden, was
the complete absence of activity, the awful emptiness and immobility of
the 192 hours. There above me went the never ending tap- tap- tap-tap.
Four steps at that pace, that was less than four seconds. How many steps
were there in an hour?

After the meal on Monday, when the bowl had been put outside for the
first time and the jug of water taken in, when the first night had begun for
me in bright daylight, the despair, which had until then been repressed,
rose up. Now I had already been here for an endless time, a truly endless
time. That is something that cannot be described. What with? One can
convey what happened, the least event, the least thought. But endlessness
consists in what lies in between, in the simple feeling of being in a cage, of
emptiness, in the nothingness of the four steps to the window and of the
four steps to the door, in the conscious lack of feeling. Now it was six
o'clock in the afternoon, now was the time when the most tolerable part of
the day usually began for us. We went into town, a meal could normally
be got in the Pschorr by the Reformed Church, customers chatted to one
another, we picked up this or that and indulged in speculations about the
popular mood; afterward we took the E bus up the Kohlenstrasse to the
Little Toll House. There over an apple juice in the Wiesengarten we looked
down on the city and the heights above the Elbe [...]. Then the long walk
home along the Siidhohe, always the beautiful view, the many flowers in
the front gardens, the croaking of the frogs from the demolished brick-
works down below. Then at home the swapping of the day's experiences
with Katchen, talking politics over tea, then a little reading aloud, and
then it is almost twelve, and so much shopping has to be done tomorrow,
and I would very much like to keep a couple of hours for my Curriculum.
The day is too short, I manage nothing. And now it was six, and an empty
endlessness lay behind me, and it was not yet even one of the sixteen end-
lessnesses that had to be coped with, because the day was over, and there
was still such a long time before night began. How could I save myself
from this choking emptiness? What had other prisoners done? Andre Che-
nier and Paul Verlaine wrote the most beautiful verses in prison. I am no
poet, it is thirty years since I believed myself to be one, I cannot think up
even the most simple rhymes. Besides even Verlaine and Chenier will only
have written poetry sometimes, and surely for them also the feeling of

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being in a cage and of emptiness will have lain between verse and verse.
What did others do, more average men? One made friends with a spider.
There are no spiders here. The prisoner has to keep his cell clean, it says in
the house rules. In Ponten's Students of Lyons one prisoner spends his time
watching the pigeons on the church roof outside his dungeon and bap-
tizes each one with a name appropriate to its personality. This is no dun-
geon here, but the police prison in the Polizei Presidium, Dresden.
Through the one-eighth-open drop window I can, if I strain my neck, see
a couple of the uppermost window frames and battlements of the main
building; there are no pigeons. A couple of times and again just now I have
heard aircraft rumbling very low over the building, but they remained in-
visible to me. (In the days that followed I turned if into an omen for my-
self: If I see an aircraft, I shall be given book and spectacles; I did not see a
single one.) What else? Shortly before the outbreak of war a letter from
Hans Meyerhof got through to us after a bizarre round trip; he spent 18
days in custody during Hitler's visit to Italy. "How many songs I sang in
my lonely cell!" I am too unmusical for that; with the few tunes that I
know, I go wrong after the first bars. I have also read about people who
play chess with themselves, without a chess board. I lack the ability to
imagine space. What else? Others have repeated mathematical theorems
or solved arithmetical problems. That I cannot manage at all. Earlier I was
hardly able to work out how many cell paces there are to the hour.

Again my description is wrong, the really bad thing is missing. How
many cell paces also lay between each of these approaches, how many
choking attacks of emptiness? Something flickered outside, I knew imme-
diately that the peephole flap had been pushed aside. A voice, more fa-
therly than imperative in tone, called out: "Go to sleep!' It was bright
daylight, it could be eight o'clock at most, eight o'clock summer time. If I
lay down to sleep now, would I be able to sleep the whole night through?
But it was an order after all, and making the bed ready was an activity at
least, and perhaps the feeling of nothingness would lessen when I lay
down. I fell asleep immediately. I woke up, and it was light. I thought:
Early morning, the first night is behind me. It was very still, now the clock
of the Kreuzkirche struck clearly, I counted on my fingers. First the four
strokes of the full hour, then another nine, no more. When I was finished
counting, I suddenly saw myself in Alvenslebenstrasse, where I had lived
in 1910, when Eva was in the hospital. First the room was there and only
then the stinging itch on shoulder and arm, which I had not felt since. Bed-
bugs! without a doubt bedbugs — not mosquito, not louse, not flea, I ve got
experience after all, I've been in Misdroy, in the dugout and m Spain. In
fact I was not shocked at all. That was part of it, was a diversion at least.
At worst I would spend some time out of bed and afterward sleep more
soundly out of tiredness. I looked and found nothing, I scratched myself
meekly and fell asleep again. Awoke again, at least it was dark now. Noise
came through the window from below. The trampling of several horses,
the engine sound of several wheels and of a vehicle, voices and footsteps.

JULY 1941

401

Afterward voices, footsteps in the building and opening and shutting of
cells. I then heard it every evening, new prisoners were being brought in.
On a single occasion there were women screaming wildly, and a threaten-
ing bellowing, otherwise everything seemed to proceed in orderly and
civilized manner. I also heard the horses and engines around five. The sta-
bles of the few mounted police seemed to be next to garages down in the
courtyard. In the morning a third voice regularly joined in as well, the
youthful bleating of a goat. It must have loving masters or friends, it was
always enticed in an affectionate tone. Listening to the sounds outside en-
tertained me for a while, but then I said to myself: You are clinging to the
sounds of life, and I felt bitter.

When I woke up for the third time, it really was day, admittedly still
very early, as yet nothing was stirring in the building. My first thought
was the bedbugs, my second: I don't feel them anymore, I had already
ceased to feel them when the prisoners were brought in during the night.
I now examined my body, my underwear, the bed. I could find nothing.
No inflamed, recurrently burning patches, no traces of blood, no living
creatures. To relate the rest of this unsolved puzzle immediately: Every
evening after falling asleep for the first time I was awakened by the mys-
terious vermin. I had to scratch myself for a long time, on my arm, my
neck, my leg; I saw the large swellings and felt them, they were not, for ex-
ample, a nervous delusion. But when the beasts had drunk their fill, they
left me in peace for the remainder of the night and for the whole day and
were gone, nowhere to be found. I made up a story about them. By anal-
ogy with the PPD I called them the PBD, the Police Bug Dresden. They
were surely specially bred, in the coats of police dogs, trained by Rott-
weilers. They had special police characteristics: They remained hidden,
their ill-treatment left no lasting marks. [ . . . ] [But] this whole story was
no more than playing at gallows humor with myself. So I gave it up, and
henceforth I only concerned myself with the PBD for one hour of the
night, but did so regularly. But I should be grateful to it; after lying down
to rest so very early, this strenuous interruption gave me a sleep of several
hours.

On Tuesday morning I felt better than the evening before. By now I had
served almost 18 hours, and perhaps the proverb according to which
nothing is so hard as the beginning was right after all. (In general I tended
rather to believe in its rougher opposite: The worst is still to come, and in-
deed so it proved this time.) I told myself it was a declaration of bank-
ruptcy if I did not feel confident of coping with 192, no 174 hours, from
which the night hours were also to be deducted, from my own resources.
Above all I had to free myself from the obsession of counting the hours
and start the day like a normal day. Had I not for many years worked out
my timetable for the day every morning? Why not today as well? Yes, but
without spectacles and book! It occurred to me how I had once dictated
whole essays to my wife at the typewriter without notes— I would dictate
this whole prison business to her, how it had come to pass, what I experi-

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enced here outside and inside myself, I would imagine her sitting there at
the table, the typewriter in front of her, and the loathsome back and for-
ward of the four steps between window and door were my usual free pac-
ing while dictating: I would really put every sentence in its proper, final
form. Whether I then also memorized it exactly as I had dictated it, did not
matter very much — as long as I got rid of the feeling of being in a cage and
stopped counting the hours. I made my bed, I washed myself— there was
still no sound to be heard outside — who knows how long it still was until
morning rations, how much of the first 18 hours was still to run? There
was the counting again — it had to be completely banished, I would be able
to summon up that much self-discipline. I began in a low voice: "My long-
pending police sentence was enforced in June." As properly shaped dicta-
tion I never really got beyond this sentence, although I probably started
twenty times at various points. This was no free walking around, these
were the four cell paces, and I was addressing the empty table and the un-
flushed closet. I had already been struggling in vain for a very long time
and walked myself tired, the fear of emptiness was threatening to rise up
again, before eventually outside there was the call "coffee pot." The hot
porridge and the bread revived me a little, I dared not relax, I had to fill
myself up and keep the emptiness out, otherwise ... no, there was no
otherwise. If the fictitious dictation did not work, then I would go over my
intellectual assets.

What am I working on? From 1933 the minor activities of reviews and
occasional literary journalism disappeared completely, from 35 the lec-
tures also, I was used to concentrating on a single work de longue haleine
(de longue haleine does not mean long-winded— is there a corresponding
German expression? Hardly. Don't digress! Really, concentrate!) First of
all, therefore, my Eighteenth Century. This was tom from my hands four
years ago when I was on the last tenth of it. Because of the library ban.
That I cannot draw out of myself. I must have the books of the century.
And that is now so far away from me that later — in itself sufficient reason
not to flirt with the heating pipe, I shall have to experience it at a later
date — (don't digress, concentration!)— so far away therefore, that I shall
have to study my completed manuscript like a completely unfamiliar
work before I can go on with it. After that came the Curriculum. It was in-
tended to be a short little volume and a refreshing sideline to my study of
English. It grew and grew even further, the study of English was displaced
long ago, the Curriculum has now accompanied me every day for two and
a half years, two fat volumes have now almost been filled, I am only now
carefully feeling my way toward the year 1919. The professorship and the
Third Reich will get a third volume of their own. I have the broad outlines
of it all clear in my mind, but to work up all the details I need my diaries,
just as for the 18i£me I need the authors of the time. And finally there is the
third opus, still half a plan, half in a state of becoming, and perhaps it en-
gages my mind even more intensively and incessantly than the Curricu-
lum. I work on the Curriculum at certain hours of the day, at the desk, at

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403

the typewriter, reading and writing. But the Language of the Third Reich
always surrounds me and does not let me go for a single moment; while
reading the newspaper at mealtimes, on the tram, I live with it, I uninten-
tionally collect and register material for it, when I wake up in the morning
it occurs to me: Didn't the gentleman next to me yesterday say. . . . Estab-
lish their spirit from their language. That must yield the most general, the
most infallible, the most comprehensive description. Thus I have become
a philologist after all in my old age. The expressions I have collected so far,
and admittedly also tried to interpret, are drawn only from the press and
everyday language, are scattered through my diary [ . . . ] and I also do not
know exactly when I began collecting and when the plan of one day mak-
ing a book out of them came to me. I shall be able to begin the real work
on it only when I study the books of the main authors of the movement
and I shall be able to bring myself to do that without feeling sick, only
when I have survived the whole thing, when I am no longer looking at tor-
turers at work, but dissecting their brains. But in the meantime I do go on
collecting continuously, since after all I associate every day that comes
with this book of the future. What will it look like in the end? I frequently
play with the idea of a Dictionnaire philosophique. Individual articles
have already been sketched out at length, in the diary, in letters to Martin
Sussmann in Stockholm, in the Rousseau section of my Dix-huitieme. For-
eign words, the definite article, fanatical That is convenient and
not so monotonous, one can fall dead over it at any moment, and what has
been completed is still a whole, also no one demands that a dictionary be
absolutely comprehensive. But it does of necessity lead to fragmentation
and repetition, it cannot be a unified whole To what extent could I pro-

duce a systematic whole out of what I had so far collected and thought,
what kind of structure would it have? The historical starting point is self-
evident: the collapse, the convulsions, the beginning of reconstruction
1918-19. The most characteristic catchwords of the Weimar time have to
be established. They want stability, calm, a safe haven. On the other side
the final exaltation of Expressionism is raging, neo-Romanticism com-
pletely politicized and turned into madness by the war. [...]. Safe haven
and turmoil, those are the two starting points of my language of the 3rd
Reich, that is the double seed from which everything else develops, which
seeks sustenance for itself, sucks up and assimilates matter. Out of the
need for safe haven develops the language of discipline, the language of
leadership, the encroachment of military terms on literally every area of
life. The "literally every" must be demonstrated point by point: politics,
literature (sub-sections!), economic life, everyday life, at its most everyday
and intimate . . . LTI (fine scholarly abbreviation for Lingua tertii imperii,
to be used in future), LTI knows indecencies like the health inspection in
barracks — no, I must not be prudish here, like the cock parade therefore.
Also and very seriously to be considered is the fact that military language
is more that of the barracks and of the drill book than of war. Of course the
actual language of war, which has become widespread in the passage of

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I WILL BEAR WITNESS

four years, is also utilized. From here it would be possible to link up with
the " turmoil" section. No, not yet. The next section will be safe haven as
assertion of tradition. Assertion of a circumscribed nationality, fundamen-
tal catchphrase Blood and soil [Blut und Boden], extremely close relation-
ship to German Romanticism. Expand the distinction, suggested in the
Curriculum, between German and Teutonic Romanticism. The LTI is
tyrannically governed by the Teutonic, but not in such a way that the Ger-
man is eliminated, but in a way that utilizes every detail, so that the latter
is contaminated by the Teutonic. As long as I am dealing with safe haven,
then I am also strictly dealing with the relationship to early Romanticism.
In passing on to the turmoil section I presumably simultaneously incor-
porate neo-Romanticism and Expressionism. Hostility to Reason, empha-
sis and overemphasis on volition, action, hostility to scholarship. Work
through branches of scholarship and the arts in detail. Again, contaminat-
ing exploitation everywhere. Scientia ancilla theologiae. The new theol-
ogy, the German faith. Romanticism does not become national only
through exclusion of the foreign. It also reaches out for the foreign, to en-
rich its own. The foreign models for the LTI. Avowedly only Italian Fas-
cism. But behind it stands the enemy, Russian Bolshevism. My Rousseau
chapter in the Dix-huiti£me. Russia takes over everything technical, com-
mercial (in the widest sense), every propaganda method from America.
Italy, Soviet Russia, United States leave their stamp everywhere on the
LTI, are stronger than the original German. The political model (no matter
whether the Fiihrer has read it or not) is the Contrat social. In this respect I
must make a fundamental change in my Rousseau chapter. I said: Just as
Rousseau's leader of the people addresses the city-state in the agora, so
Hitler addresses everyone through the radio. There is a tremendous dif-
ference. Rousseau's man and after him the men of the French Revolution
speak to an assembly of the people, which is present, they can expect ob-
jections at every moment, they are parliamentary speakers, they cannot
take too much for granted, they must discuss, justify, they are checked.
The new leaders speak alone, no one can contradict them, they speak in
front of a silent sham parliament just as they do on the radio, they need
not fear any criticism in the press, they are completely unchecked. They
seek to unscrupulously stupefy a silent mass, they seek to turn the multi-
tude of animated individuals into the mechanized collective, which they
call the people and which is the mass. Out of this unscrupulousness arises
the coarseness and extravagance of the rhetoric and the dominant position
of rhetoric in LTI. A special chapter on abuse, on the use of the superlative.
The superlative has long been usual in Italian, presumably also in Rus-
sian, certainly in the American language of advertising; it corresponds to
the character of the people, and so the effect is not excessively harmful, the
language has been inoculated against it. In German it encounters a body
that has never before been stricken by this illness. Curse of the superlative:
It must constantly outbid itself. Proof in the speeches of Hitler and
Goebbels Last part: particular characteristics, uniformity of the LTI.

JULY 1941

405

Very few authors shape it in their writing and speaking, the mass is taught
to imitate exactly . . .

"Coffee pot!" The thin com coffee and the jacket potatoes were passed
in, it was 11:30. 1 sat down triumphantly at table. One whole prison day, the
first eighth was over, the last three hours had passed without my thinking
about the time, without my even noticing the cell at all, it was as if I had
been in my study. Why should I not get through the next seven days in the
same manner? But this confidence did not survive the last mouthful from
the coffee pot, which only washed down the potatoes and failed to stimu-
late me. I was tired now, the four paces in the cage, the cell in all its details,
the counting of minutes were there again. Take my afternoon nap. Where?
One was not allowed to fold down the bed, also it was not very tempting.
But during the war in Leipzig had I not slept away the bad hour after my
meal a hundred times in the Deutsche Biicherei with my head on the cen-
sor's table? Why would that not work here? Was the little bench so much
more uncomfortable than the office chair there? No, but there the activity of
the rest of the afternoon, the freedom of the evening lay before me, and
here the constraint of the cell, another 168 cell hours. [ . . . ] Complete
emptiness inside me and certainly far the greatest part of the afternoon
around me. The fear I had felt yesterday rose up in me again. "You must let
yourself fall, uncle." I heard the voice of my nephew Walter, as he had spo-
ken to me twenty years ago. He wanted to become an actor, he meant
falling down on stage, the skillful falling down, which appears natural and
does not harm the person falling. "Your limbs must be completely relaxed,
you must not offer any resistance." Why did I think of that now? What
made me think of applying the word metaphorically? To let myself fall into
the emptiness without resisting, without fear of the nothingness, without
the will to fill up the minute, the hour, without the intention of thinking? I
do not know what made me think of it, I only know that from now on right
through the whole week I repeatedly spoke this "You must let yourself
fall" out loud like a self-hypnotic formula, and that the formula was next to
no help at all. It merged with the four paces, it only half stupefied me and
did not accelerate the passing of the minutes. I did not succeed in letting
myself fall, nor did I manage to go on thinking coherently and logically. No
more than fragments of ideas emerged, sometimes I could identify what
had produced them, sometimes they were there in as incomprehensible a
way as Walter's voice earlier. If I was lucky, more exactly, perhaps, if I was
feeling fresher, then I was able to take up such an involuntary thought, spin
it into a string of ideas, which passed some time and displaced the count-
ing of steps, the fear of the cage, the loathing of the cage. To let oneself
fall— why is it so difficult? "My good man, what do you think about all
day?" the professor asked the shepherd. "I'm not so stupid that I always
have to be thinking something." ... Dr. Friedheim told me about his im-
prisonment (in our circles everyone has something to say about doing time,
it s part of our life): "I and my cell mate told each other jokes for hours and
days on end." An inferior activity? (The Nazis maintain, a specifically Jew-

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ish one. One could just as well say, a specifically French one, a specifically
American one. The Germans and the English go into too much detail, don't
get to the point so quickly.) An inferior talent, one that is merely a product
of reason? But there is a whole philosophy, a whole psychology behind
every good joke. The professor and the shepherd, behind that stands the
whole mendacious Rousseau business of the sickness of thinking, of the hap-
piness of vegetating. Vegetating is not the desire to vegetate. The professor's
back to nature is flirtation, an enjoyable playacting or torment. . . . But do I
think all day long? Am I not for hours, often very pleasant hours, without

thoughts? Yes, but not on command, not under duress And outside,

can I think if I command myself to do so? Real ideas, creative inspiration—
insofar as I am granted them at all—certainly not. They are simply a matter
of inspiration, not of ideas, they are suddenly there, I cannot call them up.
The rest, the conscious labor of thinking, is only working up, expansion,
application, technique, there are secondary activities, which occupy a half,
a quarter, an eighth of the intellect. . . . Why can I not busy myself here with
such an eighth-part activity. . . . Because I am here, because I come up
against the damned cage, because I can smell it. Equality before the
law . . . today there is no law in Germany anymore, only arbitrary power,
there is also no equality anymore before arbitrary power, the Aryan pays,
the Jew does time. ...[...] Now I have got through a little time and was
really empty, was it perhaps ten minutes or twenty? Don't count the min-
utes! If only the famous spider were here. But there are three flies on the
table, one has probably landed in this morning's porridge, it is cleaning it-
self, it laboriously pulls its legs forward . . . there are supposed to be six,
then one should be able to see that through a magnifying glass ... or in a
film . . . we are also forbidden to go to the cinema . . . six legs, so here each
minute pulls 60 sticky legs through the repulsive slime of this . . . what? If I
say cell, then the image doesn't work, if I say sojourn then it is not an
image. ... At any rate an image that came to mind, something poetic. If I
could still make verses, I would need to depict in a sonnet how the minute
as a sixty-footed beast presses down with its heavy, unwieldy body, slowly
crawls across my breast and squeezes the breath out of me . . . original
idea? Haven't I seen something similar before? Where, when? Right:
That's how Magnus Zeller in Kovno drew the plague of lice in the
trenches. . . . What was it like in Kovno? I have only just looked at it again
for my Curriculum, I want to bring it to mind again in detail ... I want,
then everything has disappeared, fallen into the barred hole. Eva
is surely right, I must have the experience of this imprisonment for the Cur-
riculum ... but now I have had the experience, for something like 30
hours. There remain another 162, does habituation help? I think it is getting
worse and worse. ... Let oneself fall . . . now the evening food must be
here soon ...

That was the Tuesday afternoon, objectively and in retrospect the worst
part of my imprisonment. During the night, after the anticipated scratch
intermezzo, I made a new decision. One did not especially need to fear the

JULY 1941

407

morning; I would be capable of getting through that with coherent think-
ing. Thinking— about what? It didn't matter. If the dictation did not work,
if nothing more on the LTI could be found, then I would start with what-
ever came to mind in the morning, something has always occurred to me
in the morning. The afternoon alone was to be feared. Now I would from
the first make no effort to go on thinking in the afternoon. Instead I would
recapitulate and carefully memorize what had gone through my head so
far. Learning by heart in such a way that I could later write it down ex-
actly. Learning by heart is, to be sure, a secondary, uncreative activity, I
should therefore manage it in the weary afternoon. I have always found it
very difficult to learn things by heart. All the better, because then it will
take up more time.

The first thing before me in the morning was another old joke. The de-
vout vagabond sings in his cell: "Thus far in his great mercy has God led
me." The joke gripped me, against my will and all the more firmly. For
decades I have refused to indulge in all speculation about the beyond,
considering it the most useless and unedifying, not to say improper waste
of time. But here wasting time doesn't matter, rather it's exactly what mat-
ters. On the other hand, if I now "go into myself," "seek God," as happens
in old-style accounts of imprisonment, then I am playing a comic role in
front of myself or feel that my brain is going soft; and if I rebel now, blas-
pheme against God or deny God, then I find that equally comic and senile.
But I can repeat what I had to know in philosophy for my doctoral exam-
ination and what I have since then added to this area through further
study. [ . . . ] It looks equally bad for yes and no, for God and no God, for
a gracious and a cruel God. And what is gained, if I replace him by the uni-
verse or animate matter and the creation by the state of always having
been there? And what is gained, if I appeal to feeling from the position of
failing reason? I hear He is just as often as He cannot be. No, there are only
two propositions, on which I fall back again and again as the only possi-
bility; they are not modem, they are said to be superficial and made obso-
lete by philosophy, they are said to be un-German and nowadays even
Jewish and decadent — besides Montaigne had a Jewish mother, and in his
whole thinking at least Renan had Jewish kin— there are only these two
truths for me. Que sais-je and Tout est possible, meme Dieu. For every-
thing else I have to wait and see. And the fear of waiting in vain is my only
fear of death. I do not want to delude myself. Distinguo. I shall never be
rid of the fear of death, the constriction, the recoil of the living creature;
they need not have taken suspenders and tie away from me. No nervous
breakdown would drive me to suicide. Even if I did not want to go on liv-
ing at any price in order to be together with Eva for every possible re-
maining hour, to see the end of these criminals, to write my couple of
books, even if I did not know that I shall get out of here in six days— the
convenient heating pipe up there would represent no danger to me. But
fear of death, thoughtful not instinctive fear of the beyond, of the judge?
That is completely incomprehensible to me. Only that I shall perhaps, or

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never, receive an answer to the questions, which are at present insoluble,
only the thought of being extinguished torments me. And I cannot console
myself either with the popular notion of dissolution in the universe, with
the popular notion of deliverance from the self. I only live as my own self,
only as my own self can I ask and receive an answer. ... If only I could
grasp how millions of people with the same level of education, the same
mental capacity as I, hold on to real faith, with God and the beyond. Am I
different from them, worse or better, more stupid or more clever, do I lack
grace or do they lack it? They cannot all be conscious or self-deceiving

hypocrites Perhaps I am after all more free than they are, perhaps their

thinking stops short at certain inherited illusions. Am I being presumptu-
ous, if I say on my own account that I do not stop short at any traditional
idea? I think not. . . . Tormenting skepticism— pleasurable skepticism, I
have dealt with it a couple of times in my History of Literature and in my
lectures; for my part I have probably always been on the side of plea-
sure Not always, neither with pleasurable doubt, nor with doubt alto-

gether. At the front a number of certainties with regard to Fatherland and
nation were unsettled in very painful fashion. They were reinforced after-
ward to such an extent that I was able to build my little bit of professional
life's work on them, but in the last few years they have collapsed once
more, with the result that now I sometimes think this whole life's work a
mistake, that I often no longer care about the possibility of continuing
with my work, that ultimately it is a matter of indifference whether I kill
time at my desk or here in the cell.

With that I had arrived at awareness of my cell again, at the feeling of
being in a cage. But I also already had the midday food bowl, I had two
full days behind me. And now I would give memorizing a chance. It
worked a little bit better than the dictation, but not much better. The tor-
ment of the four paces in a state of semi-stupefaction began again. They
were accompanied by a single line of poetry, which I constantly repeated.
"The feeling of his nullity pierces him." I became aware of it only after a
while. I remembered how on first reading it as a twelve- or thirteen-year-
old I had been unable to understand it at all, simply could not disentangle
it linguistically; how soon afterward I had laughed at this childish inabil-
ity to understand: in the tormenting, the fatally piercing feeling of his own
superfluousness or nullity— it was so simple after all. Now it had a quite
different meaning for me: a cage meaning: the nothingness around me be-
cause I am cut off from everything, the nothingness inside me because I
think nothing, I feel nothing but emptiness.

But then something fell in from outside. Among the sounds reaching my
cell in the course of these days there had a couple of times been radio talk,
now heard faintly from the street, now louder from inside the building
(presumably through the open door of an office or a guardroom, but al-
ways only unintelligible fragments). I had not been at all concerned. War
reports no doubt, the usual victories, the usual ridicule and abuse of ene-
mies— of what interest was it to me in my cage? The excitement with which

JULY 1941

409

I normally waited for these reports was extinguished just as was the need
to smoke. But now I clearly heard drum rolls and fanfares, then, after some
words, which were again unintelligible, "Deutschland iiber alles" and the
Horst Wessel Song. So a big routine, a special announcement, some very
big success. Only now did I think of the Russian campaign, which I had
used to raise my spirits on the last Sunday at home— how dreadfully long
ago that was. And all at once I was afraid the final victory could be Hitler's
and with it his permanent rule. I raised all the objections, which I had
regularly raised to his previous victories, that he was winrring-himself-
to-death, that the blockade was unbreakable, the internal weakness,
Napoleon's end, the end of the World War— nothing helped. Or rather it
did help, that is, to kill time. Seasickness on a full stomach is not as bad as
on an empty stomach? Nothingness stretches the minutes more than anxi-
ety. I went back and forward for and against Hitler's victory until I was
dead tired, for and against. Then incoherence. The caged lightbulb above

the door ... a similar image a couple of months ago . . . when, where It

must have been longer ago . . . still in Dolzschen . . . Eva is sitting in her fa-
vorite place by the hall window . . . she hands me a periodical, Velhagen or
Westermann: but that is written with something else at the back of my
mind. You say "Encylcopaedic style." An illustrated article: Jan van Leyden
in the cage, which is hanging outside the cathedral. When will our Jan van
Leyden ... for the present I am in the cage. . . . The Wilhelmplatz in Berlin,
where does the Wilhelmplatz come from, I haven't seen it in decades, God
knows if it still looks as it did in the last century. At the comers the four el-
egant and warlike generals of Frederick the Great with pigtails. One was
called Winterfeldt, and the so gentle von Schulzendorf showed him to me
and said he was related to him, and then I too felt a sense of belonging, for
we were form-mates at the French Grammar School, and the Seven Years
War was very much on my mind, and I was fighting it on the Prussian
side naturally, what other side was there ... I cannot explain why he
should have come to mind, but I fell asleep over General Winterfeldt.

On Thursday all politics, all program-making for the day had disap-
peared and I felt only a horrible exhaustion. I would most of all have liked
to stay in bed. That was forbidden. Walking back and forth was too tiring.
So, just as a prisoner should, I sat on the edge of the wretched little bench,
my elbows on the wretched table, my face between my fists. My beard,
unshaven since Monday, chafed and itched, I had been able to see my face
a little in the water of the washbasin — truly a convict. Only the prison
clothes were missing— but the tucked-up trousers with the pleats all
wrong and the collar without a tie! I would not want any acquaintance to
see me in this state of degradation. I, the professor, the senator, the state
commissioner, with an entry in the Brockhaus Encyclopedia. One's self-
esteem cannot be injured from outside? Talk! I can feel how injured it is,
after all. Just as I feel my unshaven face. And I cannot smell too good ei-
ther. Has the hygienic closet been flushed at all yet today? I cannot re-
member having thought anything else that whole morning. Perhaps

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because of the stifling heat. I must also mention as extenuating circum-
stance for what followed, that in the morning my daily request for my
glasses had been finally and particularly rudely rejected. The cell door
was opened at an unusual time, immediately after the midday meal.
"Come out." Outside, fairly far away, on the nearside narrow gangway of
the gallery, my wife was standing beside a white-bearded clerk. She
looked very refined with the unaffectedly proud bearing, which she never
loses. I should have been glad. Instead I was only dismayed. What was
she doing here in these vile surroundings, why did she need to see me in
this ignominy? The trousers, the collar without a tie, the smell. "Why have
you come here?" I asked as I approached her, "I cannot help you in any
way, I am quite helpless" — and more softly — "completely helpless, my
glasses have been taken away." I immediately regretted this greeting, but
that made me even more resentful. My wife was completely calm; she
said, it's about the renewal of the food ration cards, the Jewish Commu-
nity will not hand them out for the two of us, until mine are presented. I
should have informed her of the whereabouts of my cards, I should have
said how the Community was to be put off until my return, I should
have . . . Only in my cell did all the things I should have said to my wife
occur to me. And above all what I should not have said to her. But I only
said again and again, I was helpless, and the Community had no right to
hold back my wife's cards, and I was not pleased to see her here, and she
would have to take care of everything herself until Tuesday, and I could
not help at all. She listened to me with a calm face, but I could see that her
arm was trembling. Then I felt sick at my lack of control, sick and afraid.
"Until Tuesday then," I said, "take care," kissed her glove and ran back
into the cell. On this Thursday I no longer suffered from nothingness, my
time was full, amply and bitterly. At first only with reproaches at my mo-
mentary failure. Why had I not soberly provided the necessary informa-
tion, why had I burdened her with my state of mind instead of assuring
her, as was the truth, that I was not being treated brutally? The reproaches
did not stop there. On the coming Sunday we would be together for 37
years, it would truly be the first wedding anniversary we had not spent to-
gether. Always, even in 1905! in the year of Roman exile, even during all
the separations of the war years, it so turned out that we were able to
spend June 29 together. We recently resolved to celebrate it all the more
heartily after the event. Among all private and public red-letter days it has
always been the real day of celebration for us, it has always filled me with
the greatest gratitude to Eva. But also with a certain pride, a certain self-
congratulation. I have always considered myself the most faithful, the
most solicitous husband. I have always seemed glorious to myself on this
one point of love and faithfulness. What remains of this splendid halo,
when I reexamine my life? Where is the merit of love and faithfulness, if
one finds everything, really everything that one has been looking for? A
remark of poor Sonja Lerch occurred to me (no wonder that I thought of
her in the cell): "He and I, we do not work together, with work only one

JULY 1941

411

person comes first and the other is always secondary." At the time I had
thought, the poor people — Eva and I, we also have work in common. All
these years I had taken it for granted that my writing came first, I had
taken Eva s music making for granted as a pleasant sideline. How much
was my love worth, when in Leipzig your musical need came more keenly
to the fore with the urge to stand on an equal footing with my philology?
I was only able to free myself of my egoism after hard inner struggle, and
this struggle was not only an inner one, I allowed you to suffer from it for
a long time. I was deplorably jealous of your music. Jealous love is a con-
tradictio in adjecto — jealousy is the opposite of love, is envy, is selfishness.
And then, in the twenties, how great was my sympathy when illness and
accident expelled you from your true profession? It was considerable cer-
tainly, as considerable as sympathy can be, and that is not very great; but
was I not often also jealous of your depression, did I not sometimes think
back to our early days, when a single interest was enough for us? Each
time I thought of what now stood in the way of our working together as
completely as we had once done, each time I reproached myself forcefully
for my egoism. And then, as you searched ever more desperately for a
substitute for the music that was slipping away from you, for your re-
duced mobility, when it was a question of the garden, of a house of our
own, how long did I resist, how belatedly — and almost too late — give
way. Why? And suddenly my pride, which I had nourished the day be-
fore, collapsed. The villa! And I had believed myself free of the bonds of
traditional ideas. A villa is something altogether unrespectable, is hubris,
if it is not backed up by a very fat bank balance. How often did you calcu-
late for me the possibility of building a simple house with limited financial
means, how often list the practical advantages of a house of our own, how
often point out to me all the houses being built by petit bourgeois clerks!
The fantasy of a villa instilled in me the fear that it would be my downfall,
the fear of financial entanglements and burdens held me back again and
again. Can I grant myself extenuating circumstances, did this grappling
with my own fear, did your depression perhaps cause me just as much
suffering as it did yourself? Or are these only excuses? It's easy for
Catholics, they fetch absolution for themselves. It's easy for anyone who
can fetch forgiveness for himself somewhere. But if one settles accounts
with oneself, forgiveness is self-deception. Can the intention, to do better
in the future, help me? First of all, it is very questionable whether I still
have a future (at 60 and in the clutches of the 3rd Reich), second, doing
better never wipes out what one has done badly before, and third— I have
always told myself that the opposite of every proverb is also true (the first
step is always the easiest; you can teach an old dog new tricks . . .), but
one, about the road to hell being paved with good intentions, is absolutely
to the point. . . . Just don't miss the strokes of seven o'clock! Just get to bed
and to sleep as soon as it is allowed, only scratch myself afterward when I
have fallen asleep again! I awoke with a heavier burden on my soul than
the day before. Today I would not defend myself against the nothingness.

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I would be happy if I were able to doze away quite without thoughts. And
then quite unexpectedly came the relief, the reversal of my whole situa-
tion and mood. Behind the coffee-pot bearer stood a turnkey, the very
same policeman who had recently shouted "Clear off" at me at the
counter, the only one who had treated me brutally during these days. "Do
you want to be shaved?" he asked. "Please, I replied, and the mere
prospect of getting rid of the beard was a small pleasure. But curiously the
constable did not slam the door shut, but looked at me thoughtfully for a
couple of seconds. "You are, you were professor at the TU — what are you
actually inside for?" — "Blackout." — "So, as an absent-minded professor,
you no doubt had to pay a fine half a dozen times before that?" — "No, it
was the first oversight in one and a half years." — "Impossible." Pause.
"Ah, then you are non-Aryan?" He looked almost sad. I spontaneously
took advantage of the situation: "Officer, it is dreadfully hard for a profes-
sor to walk around here without any occupation whatsoever. I've been
doing it for four days now. Book and glasses were taken away from me.
But if I only had a pencil and a little paper." — "But you are supposed to
be reflecting on your sins," he said laughing. Then he took a little pencil
out of his pocket and looked at it. "I'll sharpen it and add a sheet of
paper." He really did bring both immediately afterward. At that moment
my life was just as much transformed as when the prison door slammed
shut. Everything was lighter again, indeed had become almost light. Sud-
denly I realized that at midday of this Friday I would have the whole first
half of my sentence behind me. Only another four days, and what was so
terrible about them, now that I could occupy myself in almost accustomed
manner? I could get a few notes down on paper even without spectacles,
a great deal could be retained that way. And if nothing more occurred to
me — then there were always the games of my days in Leipzig, making up
words from one given word, geographical names. All morning long I did
not need to use the pencil at all, simply making plans, the simple con-
sciousness of possessing it filled me entirely. The remorse of the previous
day had become much lighter, in fact it had disappeared entirely; in four
days we would be together again — a great deal could be made better after
all, extenuating circumstances and forgiveness were not worthless after
all, and yesterday I had perhaps painted myself in colors that were too
dark. Even after the midday meal, the pencil still remained unused for a
while, being shaved was an event to be feasted on. It was not only that lib-
eration from the tormenting stubble was a pleasure, the whole procedure
was a boon. I had to go down to the entrance hall, have the 15 pfennigs for
the barber given to me from my surrendered wallet, I then had to go up to
the fourth floor, where the master and one assistant were working in the
gallery. I had not seen so much for a long time, I had never before looked
at the prison at such length. We, clients and convicts (few in prison cloth-
ing, all without suspenders and collar— only I had mine and had clung to
it), stood six feet apart leaning against the wall between the cell doors; we
were forbidden to talk to one another, we were forbidden to lean against

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413

the railings, but one could follow the constant activity in the building, the
women's floor at the very top with its robust female warders drew the
most glances, one could appraise one's neighbors (I could discover no
criminal face, I did not have the impression that I was in bad company), it
was simply change, it was life. I would gladly have had more men in line
ahead. Again, as recently, I thought "cinema." But now I remembered Ad-
dison's theory that drama gave pleasure in that one experienced terrible
things and at the same time knew that one was safe. Previously I had re-
jected that as a comically trite misunderstanding of catharsis, which con-
sists precisely of really identifying with and living through [the events of
the drama]; I now thought that the man was probably not so very far
wrong. Not until later in the afternoon did I pick up the pencil— my first
note, longer and more laden with pathos than all that followed, went: On
my pencil I climb back to earth out of the hell of the last four days. After-
ward I limited myself to single words. The white sheet of paper the con-
stable had given me lasted only through Friday. Then I used the available
toilet paper; it was thin and yellow and absorbed the pencil marks to the
point of (at least provisional) illegibility. That meant a considerable re-
striction of my ability to pass the time. But even apart from that I was soon
no longer quite so certain if the pencil really made the time go more
quickly. And even now, when I think back, I cannot say with certainty if I
got through the second part of my sentence more quickly than the first
half. For sure, the feeling of deliverance still halfway held on the Friday
and even for a couple of hours on Saturday. I made notes as precisely and
as concisely as I could, always searching carefully for the most succinct
and comprehensive catchword, before I put the precious stump to paper,
for it was not certain whether a guard would sharpen the blunted stump
for me, he could just as well take the forbidden writing material away
from me — I noted down the content of the previous days; already I could
no longer remember everything, an undifferentiated, excruciating eternity
lay behind me. Then I turned to the games of my Leipzig days. How many
words can be formed from tree frog, how many towns and rivers do I
know beginning with the letter R. This did not hold my interest for long,
after all the best thing about the childish game had been who could com-
plete the longest list within a given time. I hit on a variant: How many fa-
mous names beginning with the same letter could I think of? I tried A:
Alfieri, Alighieri, Andersen . . . Antonescu, the leader and army comman-
der of the Romanians by Hitler's grace, who in ten years time will be
remembered at most by the specialist scholar. Was that all? Had imprison-
ment so numbed my memory, was the knowledge contained in my head
so modest? One should check how much of one's supposed knowledge is
really present (put in business terms: is available from stock). Exercise:
Which of Schiller's plays could I accurately and unhesitatingly summa-
rize? The Robbers? Only very incompletely. What exactly is Amalie's role?
Fiesco? Nothing whatsoever. Most easily perhaps Wallenstein and Don Car-
los. But I do not remember the Eboli conspiracy clearly. Similar result with

414

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

Goethe, with Kleist . . . Am I uneducated? The old witticism: Being edu-
cated means knowing where to look things up. Entirely accurate; reduced
to a serious and succinct formula: Education is the ability to orientate one-
self At the beginning of the semester I should like to present my sem-

inar students with this exercise: "In the next ten minutes write down all
the famous names that occur to you, no matter from which area (sports or
literature or film or war, no matter from which country, which time)"
then I would immediately know exactly what kind of students I was deal-
ing with. . . . The tremendous break in the education of the generations,
contemporary youth are completely alien to me (certainly so completely
because I have no children). Certainly classical and scientific-technical ed-
ucation were already diverging in my day, but something of the classics
was required of everyone who considered himself educated, and the
scientific-technical was still usually considered professional knowledge.
And now, one has to know about the engine of a car and of an airplane,
one has to know something about the radio, otherwise one is truly uned-
ucated, truly unable to orientate oneself. I feel it every day, it's no flirta-
tious Rousseau confession with a "Please, contradict me!" behind it, it is
the naked truth. And a classical education is regarded with a shrug of the
shoulders, at best with sentimental astonishment. [ . . . ] "Coffee pot!"
That was probably the best thing about my pencil, the knowledge that it
was there saved me from the obsessive search for thoughts. If nothing oc-
curred to me, or if I was irritated because my mind was wandering, then I
could at any moment return to my word game again; I did not need to be
afraid of emptiness anymore, and so I no longer felt empty. Once the word
game had completely lost its modest charm, I fell to making up puzzles.
Words, whose letters are replaced by numbers, have to be guessed; if one
puts the decoded words in a certain order, then their first letters reveal a
particular quotation. That filled up the Sunday in particular, our June 29,
since I made an effort, though only half successfully, to make sure that the
self-torture of the Thursday was not repeated. I made up a puzzle as an-
niversary present, the first letters formed an early expression of affection
in our family language, 1, 2,9,3— the philosopher at the beginning of the
series was of course Kant, because his statue stood in front of Konigsberg
University and on the first picture postcard, which you sent to me from
Konigsberg in July 1904. 1 followed it up with a longer and more compli-
cated puzzle, which involved the war: 23 geographical names gave the
conclusion of a soldiers' song, which had been sung in 1914 and now had
a topical meaning again. The solution went: "Victorious we shall conquer
France, Russia and the whole wide world."

Now that I put down all these pastimes, I think there can be no doubt at
all that I found the lead-pencil half of my sentence much easier than what
had preceded it. And I also felt this relief again and again. And yet I cer-
tainly know that the minutes of the final days crept by on legs that were
even more slimy and bore down on me almost more oppressively than
those of the first days. I could accuse myself of presumption a hundred

JULY 1941

415

times, I could console myself a hundred times, only another 80 hours, only
another 79, it was no good. I was often so worn down that I felt more
wretched than at the beginning.

The pencil really had made a profound difference to me. On Friday I
had spooned up my midday meal for the first time without feeling com-
pletely full, afterward I had missed smoking for the first time, and in the
evening I had lain down to sleep feeling real hunger and already tor-
mented because I was unable to smoke. And the cell had smelled worse
than before, and its walls had pressed in on me more than before. I had
certainly clambered up out of hell on my pencil — but not as far as earth
itself, only as far as limbo. I had only been liberated to the point where I
felt the absence of complete freedom more strongly than when I was com-
pletely trammeled. If a few hours were more filled, the gaps between
them yawned all the more emptily. I had hoped that the knowledge of
having the second half, the mere remainder of the sentence before me,
would help. It did not help at all. Only another three days, only another
two? But that was still another three, two eternities. Also there was no
getting used to it, on the contrary. In particular the afternoons seemed to
stretch out more oppressively from day to day. My old subject: imagina-
tion and knowledge. Because I know about the length of this afternoon,
know and fear it in advance, it gets more terrible each time. It is exactly
the same as with the great highway between the Cape Verde Islands and
Pernambuco. Because I knew that for nine whole days we would see only
water and sky, the endlessness of the ocean made me happier than at
other points at which it appeared just as boundless to my gaze. Because I
now know how mercilessly slowly hour after hour drags itself toward
evening, each one torments me more than at other times. [ . . . ] The
French estheticians say that the French ear is unable to grasp more than
12 syllables as a unit of verse. Likewise I was unable to get beyond the
unit of 48 hours. I told myself on Saturday: Now Sunday has almost
begun, and on Sunday: Now it will soon be Monday, and then you will be
on the brink of freedom. But even on Monday I did not feel the hoped-for
anticipatory pleasure— after all, a great highway still lay before me, and I
was so infinitely weary of it.

Tuesday arrived at last. I awoke with a feeling of fear, which I could not
laugh away and only continued growing. What if they didn't release

me If I had been forgotten in the great machinery, if some error had

been made in the lists! How long would it take the subordinate officials to
correct such an error in accordance with the rules— dear God! Or if I am
placed in the hands of the Gestapo . . . With my J card I come under the ju-
risdiction of a special department. Or if meanwhile they have carried out
another house search (how many now?) and this time someone has taken
an interest in my manuscripts? This fear could not be laughed away and
not argued away. It was so strong that the pencil did not help me at all. I
only counted the passing of the seconds and minutes by the four paces, I
was not capable of anything else, it was almost worse than the distant be-

i

416

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

ginning. I had to be released at 11:30. I heard the steps outside and the
opening and shutting of the cells for the midday meal. 11:30 therefore.
Would I still receive my bowl, would I be able to get out immediately? The
door was opened a crack as on the other days, the bowl passed in, the door
locked again, double with key and latch. I shouted: "Constable, consta-
ble1" Calm voice from outside: "What's the matter?" — "Constable, I am
being released at 11:30." — "It's a long time till 11:30." The man was not
angry, not surprised, I need not be afraid, only wait a little while longer. I
ate my porridge with a feeling of bliss. But now it must really be 11.30, no
one came, and my fear returned and mounted to a furious palpitation.
And then at last, I had not heard any steps, the latch was raised again, the
lock turned back— I shall never again say the words "under lock and key"
without emotion, as mere cliche: "Take your things with you, go down-
stairs." From this moment on everything was again and now too com-
pletely "cinema." How I was given my suspenders and tie again and put
them on, how I sat on the same bench as eight days before and observed
everything around me, while I waited for the certificate of discharge. Be
side me sat two boys weeping bitterly. "What's the matter with you Po-
lacks," asked a policeman with rough good humor, "no one's going to eat
you." They did not understand him, an interpreter was fetched and com-
forted them. "They're only children," he said, "fifteen years old— they
were with a farmer, with the horses, they couldn't manage the work." It
did not become clear to me whether they were now being held prisoner
here or were to be conveyed from here to other labor service. I felt sorry
for them. — Really? Oh Addison, oh freedom. I was given my certificate,
the outside door opened— the Polish boys were forgotten. I stepped onto
the street, the sun was shining. My wife was waiting on the other side.

A couple of days of feeling absolutely happy. What was the war, what
was the usual oppression to me? I was free, we were together. In the Jews'
House I allowed myself to be feted a little as a kind of martyr, I allowed
myself to be looked after a little; I needed it, I had become a little haggard,
and my nerves were not quite right. Then, spreading out my notes, I began
this record. The further 1 got with them, the more my experience, my suf-
fering dwindled away. No half measure, a fearfully whole thing I think I
called it at the beginning. And what was it in the end, what torments did I
report? How can it be compared with what is experienced by thousands
upon thousands in German prisons today? Everyday life in prison, no
more, a bit of boredom, no more. And yet I feel that for myself it was one
of the most agonizing times of my life.

July 8

[ . . . ] The cliches about the Russians from before 1939 have been resumed
again with a part comical, part sickening suddenness and comprehensive-

JULY 1941

417

ness: people dead with hunger, atrocities, the fiendish Jew, sub-humans,
even the "crime, to be allied with them." [ . . . ]

Since the day before yesterday I have been making a typewritten copy
of my days in prison. They are fading as I do so, they are already remote.

Half apathetic puzzling over the Russian war and how much longer it
will last. I consider it certain that Petersburg and Moscow will fall next
week at the latest. [ . . . ]

July 9

[...]

Latest Jewish decree: They are not allowed to use the popular Elbe
steamers.

Toward evening

News: USA occupies Iceland. That seems like direct entry into the war. We
are experiencing world war for the second time. Knowing more and with
the other side. Perhaps, probably, it is the greatest good fortune to experi-
ence so much world history. But shall we survive it? There is tremendous
Jew-baiting. Litvinov-Wallach-Finkelstein is back again this evening too.
Is there a pogrom in the offing? The government must be desperate, and
desperadoes . . .

July 12, Saturday morning

Eva s birthday, the second in the Jews' House. Very oppressive heat, very
depressed mood. I have been tormented since yesterday: What if Hitler
does now finally win? Hochgemuth's version (cigars, lottery agent,
freemason, anti-Nazi). Russia will be smashed militarily by the end of Au-
gust, a line drawn east of Moscow, vast amount of land occupied. That is
where they'll stop. (And so they'll have new triumphs, prospect of abun-
dant food, free hand. Things can therefore go on for years.) — Brief con-
gratulations from Annemarie. It is two years since she came to see us. My
reserves with her will last until October. What then? [ . . . ]

Sodom and Gomorrah: Frau Paul; Katchen Sara sat at our breakfast
table, which she had decorated in petit bourgeois style for the birthday,
flowers and little presents around Eva's plate, and talked. We have
known her friend, Frau Paul, for a long time, a comical, good-natured,
quite likable character. Very presentable woman in her fifties. Involved
in a disagreeable divorce from her fourth husband, a drunken retired
teacher (gambler). Her third husband was a respected businessman, Jew,
he was the only one with whom she had been happy, he left her a villa

418

i Will bear witness

and money, went to pieces in '34 because of the Jew-baiting. Suicide. She
has a daughter by her first or second husband. The child's father was not
completely Aryan, the Renate we know is not quite Aryan either. But she
has been passed off as Aryan so as to be able to marry, her husband is a
"one hundred and fifty percent" Nazi (one hundred and fifty percent—
Lingua T.I.). Frau Paul has to let a room of her house, the case costs
money, she would like a pensioner best. An old retired tax official is the
best payer of those replying to the advert. The man informs himself
about her, demands to know whether any non-Aryan daughter is
present. She provides the information, she takes the tenant, precisely
this one; not because she is forced to, but simply because he is the best
payer. She says he is a very friendly tenant. Even if he hangs an oil paint-
ing of the Fiihrer on the wall and puts a picture of Hitler on his desk.
("Himmler," says Frau Voss, "is not so bad— it's no more than a tear-off
calendar picture!") How much more decent is the Widow of Ephesus.
Whore is not the word for it. Whore of whores. And yet the woman is en-
tirely anti-Nazi and very good-natured. But the tenant pays. And the
tenant himself is supposed to be a good man, even a philo-Semite — but
he fears for his pension.

July 13, Sunday morning

In part for my release from the PPD, in part for Eva s birthday, Lissy
Meyerhof had sent a tiny amount of coffee and tea. (Her American rela-
tives!) A remnant of it yielded two cups, one for Eva, one for Katchen
Sara, a glass of apple juice for me. That was the birthday party. In the
evening the three of us sat in Hoppe's at the Neustadt railway station.
Afterward on Frau Kreidl Sr.'s relatively cool garden veranda on the
ground floor. Her son Paul there. He is now working on a highway on
the border of Silesia and Saxony, comes for weekend leave every two
weeks. I asked him what he sees, hears, thinks. He judges the situation
in the East very differently from me. We were suffering tremendous
losses, had underestimated the Russians' power of resistance, they ap-
peared to be opening an attack on the oil wells in Romania, in terms of
troops and also of armaments they were inexhaustible, they were not
going to be overrun this summer. That seemed plausible to me for a
while. Early this morning I awoke with the same conviction of a swift
German victory as I had had before listening to Kreidl s speech. For days
our military bulletins have been saying: "Operations are proceeding ac-
cording to plan." Today, Sunday, there will certainly be— Goebbels' Sun-
day habit — to the accompaniment of fanfare, drum roll, Deutschland
iiber alles and Horst Wessel Song the special announcement of a new tri-
umph. The "curse of the superlative" has now also usurped the military
bulletins. Last year phrases like "the greatest air battle," the greatest
bombardment of all time, etc. were not included in the actual military

JULY 1941

419

bulletin. This time the report itself states: Bialystok-Minsk, "the greatest
battle of encirclement and attrition in world history." — They are also search-
ing (but in vain in pure linguistic terms) for means to intensify the newly
revised Jewish-Bolshevist section. "Blow against the fortress of Judah" is
the title of an article in the Dresdner Anzeiger. In it Stalin is on his fourth
Jewish wife, Molotov (now Molotov as well, who was received in Berlin
with Soviet flags and guard of honor!) has a wife with Jewish relatives.

In the newspapers for the first time in this war many announcements of
deaths in the field. Noteworthy is the decreasing use of the formula "For
Fiihrer and Fatherland. (Also noteworthy, and that already for some
time, the increasing frequency of "Good morning" and "Good-bye."

July 14, Monday morning

The dreaded Sunday special announcement came and exceeded all expec-
tations. Stalin Line taken, in the south considerable forward advance from
Romania (from Romania, away from the oil center, which was supposed
to be under threat). Emphasis, and rightly so, evidently, that the war
against Russia has been decided, that Hitler can carry on the war for years,
that he is invincible master of the whole continent. Asia will be added to
Europe. For us in a personal sense that means slavery until the end of our
lives. Very depressed evening. On top of the catastrophic news there was
the most extreme sultriness and, as usual on a Sunday, the food was espe-
cially gruesome and miserable. Nothing edible at Pschorr, other restau-
rants shut, finally the Neustadt railway station packed and suffocatingly

July 16, morning

Shock effect of Sunday partly overcome— but only partly. Hitler will come
to an end (there is talk of very heavy losses, of very poor internal morale,
imminent USA), but it will take a very long time.

Yesterday evening at the stop for the D bus here, Fjodor Stepun (we
both had to rack our brains for a long time for his name until Eva, not I,
remembered it) greeted us cordially and quite naturally. I had seen him
frequently in the meantime and avoided him, his role after all is am-
biguous, although he retired a long time ago. He vacillates, he must vac-
illate between support for and opposition to the regime. He is Russian,
was a Russian officer in the World War, worked in the Kerensky govern-
ment, fled from the Bolsheviks (and was brought to Dresden by Kroner,
the Teutonic Jew). More the bom, involuntary actor than ever. In every
movement of his big body, his broad face with its silvery fringe of hair

420

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

under a floppy hat, in every note of his always loud and all too expres-
sively declamatory voice. To the bus conductor no less than to us. The
character actor, who behind a good mask plays the philosophizing Rus-
sian. — So yesterday his first and frequently repeated word was "com-
plicated." How was he? "Complicated." What does he think of the
situation? "Complicated." He said: The Germans will probably reach the
Urals. They are meeting stronger resistance than expected, but the Rus-
sians lack generalship, Stalin had the best commanders shot. The Ger-
mans had already allocated every post of a Russian government along
the lines of the Petain regime. In the conquered territory, therefore, a
government completely compliant with the German wishes would be
set up, which would concede and deliver absolutely everything to
Hitler. (He spoke contemptuously of Petain, "he even handed over
Thyssen" — on the other hand he is of course a friend of the emigres
now returning, enemy of the Bolshevists [...]. He is indeed in a "com-
plicated" situation.) Germany will now obtain all the raw materials it
needs in order to conduct the war against England. But the struggle will
be prolonged for years, the outcome was impossible to predict, since the
USA would undoubtedly intervene actively. The occupation of Iceland
would now be followed by the landing of American troops in Ireland
and Scotland . . . Then he talked about himself. He is working on an
autobiography (of course!) "on broad foundations, it is intended to be a
piece of Russian history. (I am sure that he will succeed.) He obtains
books from Prague and several other places. So he has an advantage
over me when it comes to library use; however, he is not allowed to pub-
lish either, because he has not been accepted by the Reich Chamber for
Literature. — Was he still in touch with university people? Yes, with Ja-
nentzky and Kuhn. Had I read Kuhn's "little book on the meaning of the
war"? I: "No — ever since he discovered the Nordic spirit of Frederick the
Great, I no longer care to be instructed by him." Janentzky was working
"on the tragic." He's been doing that for decades, it is the most imposing
and deceptive impotence, mask: ponderousness and depth and labori-
ous bringing to the light of all that is heavy, I also fell for him for years.
Janentzky and Kuhn are perhaps my deepest disappointments in mat-
ters German. At bottom they are both mendacious and fickle. Stepun is
not so bad: Slav and an actor by nature, he does not fake, he plays him-
self. He is an amusing character. According to Stepun, Kuhn, who al-
ways had a thing about Luther, is now lecturing on Germanness and
Christianity. If he is allowed to give such a lecture course now, then it
must be a betrayal of Germanness and Christianity ... I: My situation is
not complicated, but unambiguously bad, I do not know whether I shall
be able to bear it much longer. He, not maliciously, undoubtedly from
experience, but with the full pithy tone of his well-molded pronounce-
ments: "The plebeian soul of man can bear so much." The word "simple"
is missing from Stepun's dictionary.

[...]

JULY 1941

421

July 18, Friday

LTI. Military bulletin of the seventeenth from the East: "Nine million are
facing one another in a battle whose scale surpasses all historical imagina-
tion." Bialystok was recently "the greatest battle of attrition and annihila-
tion in world history." Curse of the superlative, Bamum— cf. the style of
the army reports in 1914.

Mood, situation? Food supply ever more difficult. No potatoes, now
even we J-people have received a once only extra allowance of a pound
of rice each. Our evening hunt for food ever more difficult. Neustadt
railway station is so far away, takes up the whole evening. In the Pschorr
yesterday at 6:15: our waiter, made sleek by many tips: the meat
dumplings were finished, nothing else without meat coupons. In re-
sponse to my entreaty: Did we want potatoes in horseradish sauce? We
wanted. There then arrived one dumpling between the two of us, as well
as very many new potatoes. Together with the kale soup (the "regular")
and a little green salad ("scarce commodity") I then paid 3M. A gentle-
man beside us, "respectable gentleman": In two weeks all the difficulties
will have been overcome and everything will be available in abundance.
— ? — "It's just a matter of transporta tion— the battles in the East." —
"And in two weeks?" — "We'll have finished them off, we'U have
reached the Urals and the rolling stock will be free again." — How many
people calculate, believe like him? Millions perhaps. The same millions
who a year ago said: "Hitler will speak in London on August 1." The
same people who said a month ago: "Our troops have been passing
through our ally Russia for a long time. We have transit rights, Persia
and India are the target." But how many millions are disappointed, em-
bittered? Yesterday evening Katchen Sara read out a letter from her
brother-in-law Voss (the school man and Catholic) in Cologne. Constant
clearing of monasteries. How was it possible that they could incense the
believing population in such a fashion in this war, in which so many are
suffering? The English planes were now coming night after night, there
was much devastation in Cologne, "half of Munster flattened," Aachen
destroyed in part.

July 19, Saturday morning

A pattern can now be established in the military bulletins. Throughout the
week a slow winding up of tension: "Operations are going according to
plan " "Favorable developments " "Great successes are in the off-
ing " Each time accompanied by sentences (cf. July 18), which under-

line the tremendousness of the absolutely unprecedented world historical
events. — Then, on Sunday afternoon, the "special announcement": Drum

roll "There will now be a special announcement." . . . Another drum

roll, fanfares, another pause. ... At last. . . . Afterward the "Songs of the

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Nation." All of that has been the fixed order for a long time now. For how
much longer will it work? — Yesterday Hochgemuth, my cigar dealer,
who is also lottery agent and freemason: Heavy losses, returning soldiers
say prisoners are only taken at divisional strength, smaller units, even the
wounded, are shot down— the Russians are fighting fiercely and are not
giving any quarter either. "Itrs medieval. . . . But for God s sake be careful.
My sales assistant is married to a Gestapo man. ... I would not want to
make trouble for anyone."

I now know why my piece, "Cell 89," on which I have been working
since September 6, does not work. It is neither fish nor fowl, it is partly
supposed to be a diary, partly already a finished part of the Curriculum,
and the one gets in the way of the other.

July 20

Language. Latest words: Scarce commodity. For the month of July Jews also
have received household cards. Scarce commodities are explicitly not sup-
plied on these. They are valid only for potatoes. Vegetables, lettuce, lemons
are "scarce commodities."

July 21, Monday

For years I was sanguine and Jewry around me was blackly pessimistic.
Now it is quite the reverse. I am shocked by the victories in Russia, al-
though I foresaw them and took them into account— they are too great and
overwhelming. The Jews on the other hand. . . . For example Frau Kron-
heim yesterday, with whom we ate in a newly discovered little garden cafe
in Konigsbriicker Strasse — Hitler had lost the war. The most recent, very
solid-sounding rumor: Japan had dropped out of the Triple Pact. (In the
newspaper there was only: Change of cabinet in Japan, internal and foreign
policy remain unchanged.)

"Cell 89" finished yesterday, almost 17 typewritten pages. I must read
it out, in order to get an overall view. Work took exactly 14 days (but with
what distractions!). Toward evening: Read "Cell 89" aloud all morning.
Eva says it can be incorporated into the Curriculum as it stands, as a
"novella," it was "a little work of art." The thing as a whole also makes a
very good impression on me. That is a comfort. So now on with the long-
interrupted copying of the Front chapter.

LTI. Characters. Today an article about the new "symbol" V = Victoria in-
troduced a couple of weeks ago. On all locomotives and squares of the Pro-
tectorate of Bohemia and Moravia, in Holland, etc. Put next to Y and H .

Frau Katz said recently: "Every Jew has his Aryan angel. This afternoon

JULY 1941

423

at Paschky's. Tins of sardines are being given out for the food coupons.
"Your card, professor." — "That section has been cut off." — The man stiff-
ens, mutters softly: "But that's . . . ," goes over to the fish counter and cuts
me a piece of the extremely scarce and rare stock. At Vogel's I got a loaf with-
out coupons. Uplifting, successful shopping day. But Fraulein Zwiener re-
fused me tobacco. "Only to established customers, to those who have been
'registered.' " The usual joys and sorrows of shopping. When I come back,
laden, squeezed into the bus, the rush begins for Eva. Everything has to be
cooked immediately, so that the milk, the little bit of meat and fish don't go
bad. In the meantime it's six o'clock. If we arrive in town now, most things
have been crossed off the menu. But the fat reserve would not stretch to
cooking at home, would result in even more dishes to wash and pots to scour.

July 23, Wednesday morning

LTI: "Jews unwelcome— Jews prohibited." In all restaurants with formula 1:
[sign] de rigueur and milder [enforcement]. Formula 2: strict observance,
disregard results in punishment. We no longer take offense at formula 1, it is
unavoidable and well-worn. — Yesterday, in search of an evening apple
juice. Toll House: Shut on Tuesday." Cafe Weinberg: "Closed because of
call-up" (sign on ever more shops, restaurants, etc.). Moreau Tavern: "Jews
prohibited" (Seems to be a new sign, we were there a couple of times before.)

Situation with regard to Russia and USA puzzling. Abuse of Jews more
immoderate, more repulsive than ever.

July 26, Saturday afternoon

LTI. Sunny. Our sunny, noble son . . . The sunny father of our little daugh-
ter .. . My sunny husband ... In every third death notice, especially with
the heroes' deaths (where, moreover, the "For Fiihrer and Fatherland" is
becoming less frequent. We count how often simply "For the Fatherland").
Perhaps a specifically Saxon (petit bourgeois) nonsense [...]. Every little
Motzsch and Zschiesche here is called Horst arid is "sunny." Perhaps it
goes back to the film Sonny Boy [German title of The Singing Foolf starring
A1 Jolson], but it's in a line with Baldur von Schirach. Emphatically Ger-
manic affirmation of life — sun wheel — swastika. [ . . . ]

July 27, Sunday

Advance into Russia appears to have come to a standstill; everyone knows
or spreads rumors about heavy German losses, the military bulletin [ . . . ]
is economical and not triumphant.

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New regulations about immigration into the USA. Our affidavit (which
we have received twice!) is thereby invalid— the new procedure means ef-
fectively that it will be impossible to get out in any foreseeable future. That
suits us entirely. All vacillation is now at an end. Fate will decide. As long
as the war lasts we can no longer get out, after the war we shall no longer
need to, one way or another, dead or alive.

Notification of the confiscation of typewriters. It seems for the time
being only to concern businesses, not private persons. But Jewish private
persons. ... It will end as with the lamented car. Someone sees the type-
writer here, and the next day I am rid of it. It would or will mean a heavy
loss. Who can read my handwriting?

[..]

July 30, Wednesday

Eva's Aryan clothing card. This time as last year had 250 points, of which
Eva used eleven for herself (a piece of material, forced on her by me, for
her birthday). Everything else went to non-Aryans. Much of it in Denver:
Frau Breit's woolen dress for the journey to the USA by way of Siberia and
Japan. Much to Frau Voss. A coat for Lissy Meyerhof on her visit in April.
The day before yesterday Lissy gave the last eleven points to her Aunt So-
phie in Frankfurt, whose ninetieth birthday was celebrated in May. Aunt
Sophie is said to be very hale and hearty, very concerned with her appear-
ance. She lives in her dressing gown, collar and cuffs of the much loved
garment have suffered from the passage of time. Since May, Frankfurt,
Berlin, the whole of Germany has been searched for 32 inches of quilted
silk. Thanks to Eva's clothing card, Lissy found what was necessary here.

[..]

August 3, Sunday

Yesterday afternoon the Reichenbachs were here— after a very long gap.
What to offer them? The literally very last residue of real tea, eight apple
cakes on 6 ounces of cake coupons. Frau Reichenbach has for several
months been doing Labor Service at Zeiss-Ikon. She showed me her pass
made out in the name of "Jewess Lotte Sara Reichenbach, permitting her
to enter the plant. Half-time, 48 pfennigs an hour the rate for everyone
(men and women, Aryans and Jews). Special room for Jews with Aryan
foremen, yellow armbands, special stairs, divided off with wire netting,
otherwise good treatment. Just one manual operation (several thousand
times) on small components, presumably time fuses. — In the Aryan room
there have been loudspeaker warnings against sabotage. Threat of impris-
onment. Rumors that Hitler Youth attacks on Jews in Berlin called off.

AUGUST 1941

425

Here too there are supposed to be isolated shouts against the Jews after in-
flammatory newsreels, but they don't find any response.

August 6, Wednesday morning

[...]

Yesterday evening on the Altmarkt Maria Kube, our beautiful Wend,
wife of the harp maker. After many years. Still broken German, but alto-
gether ladylike. Greatest friendliness, came toward us with arms out-
stretched. "Phoned in vain seven times." — Troubles and resentment of
the Wend Catholics. Her husband in the field since December, now with
the catering corps in Russia. In great danger of his life because the Rus-
sians single out the supply trains for attack. The Germans are wading ter-
ribly in Russian blood. — Priests imprisoned in this country. Little,
talented Benno: out of the shut-down Catholic grammar school and into
an elementary school, there degraded from an A grade student to an E

grade one So many crimes, so much injustice against religion She

rubbed her bare arms all the time: "It makes me shiver when I think about
it. . . . But my mother said (Bible? Dream?): 'It will be all up with him in
February '42.' " — She works for the army post office.

It is already getting darker and autumnal — we have hardly had a
summer.

[...]

August 7, Thursday

Yesterday, in extreme Bamum style and with the familiar presentation of
the special announcements, a survey of what has been achieved in the East
so far: 895,000 prisoners, over 13,000 tanks, over 10,000 artillery pieces, ap-
proaching 10,000 airplanes — armies of millions annihilated, new opera-
tions under way, "our wildest expectations exceeded." But: "the toughest
opponent so far," "fighting with tenacity and determination"— *and no
word about our losses and no longer, as still three weeks ago: After the
Stalin Line there is nothing else for the Russians to fall back on until the
Ural Mountains.

Among Jewry there is the greatest optimism everywhere; I cannot share
it, whereas before, when everyone was in despair, I was confident. The
double question is: How many such offensives can the Russians take?
How many such victories can Germany take? The Jewish optimism trick-
les from a hundred springs. Kreidl Sr.: "My brother has written from
Prague ... (I got the envelope with the victory postmark: "Germany is
victorious on every front for Europe.") Frau Voss: Herr Kussy was here

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from Holland and told Frau Aronade, the Germans had been stopped out-
side St. Petersburg, their losses . . . etc., etc.

August 10, Sunday

Just completed the copy of the Front chapter. That has taken since April
25— only interrupted by "Cell 89"— so little do I get down to work now. I
will now be busy for at least another two weeks correcting 100 pages of
typescript, before I start the next chapter, "Sup. Command East"; the pre-
liminary work for it is finished, the first page is written too— but it all has
to be brushed up first.

A new calamity: ban on smoking for Jews. There has been a great shortage
in the city recently; in shops where one was not a regular customer one
got nothing or a maximum of three cigarettes. Cigars, tobacco hardly at all.
Often the reply: Merchandise doesn't arrive till one o clock. Or: at five
o'clock. Or: tomorrow. Yesterday at Walter's in Johannesstrasse, who has
been a good supplier for me, the door handle was missing. Tom off by cus-
tomers when he was shut. Apart from Walter, whom I acquired late and by
chance, my principal suppliers were the ones I had used while still in
Dolzschen, Zwiener and Hochgemuth, especially Hochgemuth, often men-
tioned here. Yesterday, with that solemnity familiar to me from Natscheff, the
notification. As farewell he gave me four times the weekly ration of cigarillos
(that is, 40) and a couple of packets of cigarettes. At first I thought it will be as
it was with Natscheff: special precautionary measure on the part of someone
considered "politically unreliable." But it seems that the sign "Jews prohib-
ited" really is going to be hung on every shop door. Most of all I feel sorry for
Eva. Perhaps she can buy something herself. But many shops don't give any-
thing to women, and Hochgemuth will be afraid. I am deeply depressed.

Eva's health very poor. Swollen up for days because of jaw abscess and
dental treatment.

Food ever more difficult. Nothing at home and ever less grub in the
restaurants. Shortage of money on top of that.

Tremendous German victories in Russia. The war will last for years.

As Eva has to lie down so much, I have again been reading aloud a
great deal. [ . . . ]

Since for Eva's sake I limit the amount of typing (and also because
paper is becoming an ever more rare article), I shall go back to the solid
form" using an old diary. [ . . . ] I shall get the loose sheets to Annemarie as
soon -as possible.

August 15, Friday

The same situation for weeks now. According to the military bulletins
tremendous successes in the East, one million prisoners, etc., battle at

SEPTEMBER 1941

427

Smolensk, now Ukraine, Odessa — nothing but annihilation of the Rus-
sians. According to what one hears otherwise, from the Jews, but also from
Aryans (e.g., Eichler, the dentist), Germany's position most precarious,
total victory over Russia before onset of winter impossible, lasting
through the winter next to impossible, given shortage of raw materials.
Who is right? For my part I am unable to work up any very great hopes.
For which my very indifferent state of health is principally to blame. Also
the ailments of old age and my bladder trouble. And the money worries.
— Corrections going very slowly, otherwise nothing.

[...]

August 22, Friday

LTI. Lightning war [Blitzkrieg], final battle — superlative words. War and bat-
tle are no longer enough. At the same time the megalomania of numbers.
[...]

Frau Paul, whose 2nd or 3rd husband was Jewish, who is going
through divorce proceedings with the 3rd or 4th, talks in despair about
her mother, 89, who is showing signs of senile dementia. "I cannot put her
in a hospital, she'll be killed there." There is widespread talk now of the
killing of the mentally ill in the asylums. — How they are trying to relieve
Frau Voss of her house, how it is always a matter of who has "better con-
nections," like Estreicher, the Jewish connecting link between Gestapo and
Jewish Community, who acts the tout and profits on commission — it
could provide the material for a Russian Government Inspector comedy.

Yesterday the newspapers announced the new Winter Relief Fund: Sep-
tember 1, '41 till March 31, '42. No doubt related to that, the military bul-
letin today presented a summary of the first two months of the Russian
campaign, which was stuffed full of superlatives, "The enemy's unimagin-
ably bloody losses." Also 1,250,000 prisoners, etc. — "Unimaginable" in a
German military bulletin! Not a word about our own losses. — But vox
populi (apprentice at Vogel's): "Russia will be finished in two weeks." Per-
haps the vox populi really is right.

September 2, Tuesday morning

The weather is immensely important. Fear of the winter. The third. It gets
dark ever earlier, autumn has come exceedingly early, half of August was
already autumnal. In fact rainy and cold throughout spring and summer,
hot days a very rare exception. — The question everywhere: Will some-
thing decisive be achieved in Russia before the beginning of the autumn
rain? It hardly looks like it despite all the certainly great and undoubtedly
exaggerated victories. Our own losses are passed over in silence, but trickle
through. True number from a senior medical authority is supposed to be:

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by August first 300,000 dead, 700,000 wounded, 500,000 sick in the East.
There has been continuous fighting since August 1. Ergo. . . . Morale in the
Rhineland, which is constantly under air attack, and in Berlin, which is fre-
quently attacked, is said to be catastrophic — one notices nothing of that in
quiet Dresden. Recently from an " Aryan source": very great tension be-
tween SS and army, military clash in near future unavoidable. Every day
rumors of untenable economic situation. — Against that: There is no star-
vation, foodstuffs are in short supply, in very short supply for us, but no one
is starving. In Dresden and no doubt likewise in a hundred places there is
calm and tranquility, and many hundreds of thousands undoubtedly be-
lieve in final victory and for all their antipathy to today's regime fear the
chaos of tomorrow. So things can go on like this for years. — Our own po-
sition very gloomy: The absolutely necessary extra allowances up to the
tax-free limit will last until November 1. What then? I live with this worry
day after day. — The food in the restaurants ever scantier and more expen-
sive; cooking at home hardly possible even once or twice a week. — I try to
repress the feeling of dread. My mood and that in the Jews' House changes
daily, almost hourly. England has occupied Iran: Up. Will Turkey go with
Germany? Down. We count how many people in the shops say "Heil
Hitler" and how many "Good afternoon." The "Good morning" or "Good
afternoon" is said to be increasing. "At Zscheischler's bakery five women
said 'Good afternoon/ two said 'Heil Hitler.' " Up. At Olsner 's they all said
"Heil Hitler." Down. Katchen Sara happy yesterday. At the tram stop an
NSV welfare nurse said to her: "The Russians have blown up the Dnieper
power station, southern Ukraine is flooded, thousands of Germans have
drowned. It's not in the newspaper, it only writes about Russian prison-
ers . . . the war is lost ... I know what the mood is*, I get around. Good-bye,
madam." — "Good-bye," not "Heil Hitler" — an NSV nurse! Up. But then
comes the newspaper: Advance "toward Leningrad." Down. Etc., etc.

[...]

For weeks now we have had no luck with reading aloud. Admittedly
we only get around to it for a few minutes in the evening when we are
dead tired. For the greater part of the time Katchen Sara sits here and re-
lates in her confused way with a hundred repetitions what she has heard
en route from strangers ("I play dumb"), from Aryan, from non-Aryan
bridge partners. The Kreidls, the landlord and the young Kreidl, also
come frequently "to discuss the situation." [ . . . ]

In the crowded trams now often conductresses with "Student Volun-
tary Service" on their cuffs.

[...]

September 7, Sunday

The newspaper vigorously denied Churchill's "lies about Russian victo-
ries," announced German successes everywhere. Frau Voss, always mak-

SEPTEMBER 1941

429

ing acquaintances, meets a young girl, student, working in the Propa-
ganda Ministry at the moment. She says: "Russia is terribly difficult, after
all. In recent days it has been causing us a great deal of concern." Yet again
Petersburg really seems about to fall. — We would be able to observe de-
velopments more calmly without the terrible pressure of our financial po-
sition. By all human calculations real starvation will begin for us in
November. — Eva's nerves are now giving way very badly.

September 8, Monday morning

Yesterday evening ate in the Goldene Lowe in the Neustadt; long walk
along the Priessnitz, toward the barracks. We now often make the
Neustadt an object of study. On the way home we met Frau Paul in the
tram: She told us — it is really supposed to be true, and if not or only half
true, then the fact of the rumor is characteristic: A married couple in Am-
monstrasse learn that all four of their sons have been killed in Russia. The
father hangs himself, the mother hurls the picture of Hitler out of the win-
dow into the courtyard. Half an hour later she is arrested ("taken away").

At something like three o'clock at night we had the second air raid
warning, the all clear soon came, nothing had happened.

This morning, distraught and pale, Frau Kreidl (the widow) brought
the news, the Official Gazette of the Reich announced the introduction of
the yellow Jewish armband. That means upheaval and catastrophe for us.
Eva still hopes the measure will be stopped, and so I shall not write any
more about it yet.

September 15, Monday

The Jewish armband, come true as Star of David, comes into force on the
nineteenth. At the same time a prohibition on leaving the environs of the
city. Frau Kreidl Sr. was in tears, Frau Voss had palpitations. Friedheim said
this was the worst blow so far, worse than the property assessment. I myself
feel shattered, cannot compose myself. Eva, now firmly on her feet, wants to
take over all the errands from me, I only want to leave the house for a few
minutes when it's dark. (And if there is snow and ice? Perhaps by then the
public will have become indifferent, or che so io?) The newspaper justifica-
tion: After the army had got to know, through Bolshevism, the cruelty, etc. of
the Jew, all possibility of camouflage must be removed from the Jews here, to
spare the comrades of the people all contact with them. — The true reason:
fear of Jewish criticism because things look bad in the East or at least are at
a standstill. And: rule of the terror people, of Himmler, because things look
bad in the East. Wild rumors: Goering is a prisoner after an argument with
Hitler. — Hitler has been shot in the stomach by a general. He had reviled
the general, he had lain raving on the carpet and "chewed the tassels." [ . . . ]

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There was yet another grave misfortune for us: Two weeks ago I was
told at the Tax Office, I was free of income tax, would in the next few days
even have an excess payment of 180M returned to me. [ . . . ] Now they are
demanding "prepayment of 500M for the year '41" from me, immediately
taking account from January 1 of the 1,200M Georg gave as a present, even
though it only began to dribble through from May 16. That would eat up
almost all of my reserves beyond the tax-free limit. — Then, seemingly a
trifle, but in fact more painful than the tax business: Until now about once
a week we got 5 pounds of flounder from Paschky; coupons were not
needed for flounder, other fish could only be got with a "household card,"
which is not distributed to any Jewish household [...]. The flounder was
a help in feeding the cat. On Saturday, a true thirteenth, I received the tax
demand in the morning, in the afternoon at Paschky's the news that floun-
der no longer coupon free. Now the last bit of our meat ration will disap-
pear into MuschePs little bowl, and the beast will still not be satisfied.
Finally the tobacco shortage has become so great that I have lived for two
days without smoking at all— today is worse than ever. For the time being
a couple of cigarettes (which do nothing for me) can still be picked up.
Hochgemuth still supplies Eva, occasionally also gives her 5 extra ciga-
rettes, occasionally I can still pick something up at Walter's in Moritz-
strasse. (Mostly he is shut during the Jews' hour.) From Friday there will
be nothing more from Walter, how long and how much will Hochgemuth
still supply us? Eva too will soon be stymied in her smoking. — From Fri-
day she will have to cook for us at home every day. What? The constraints
are getting tighter, there are no potatoes, and it has been raining, raining,
raining for weeks. — It is to be hoped, and to all appearances it is so, in
Russia also.

In these days of extreme adversity, I have been suffering greatly from a
kind of influenza. Today I am a little fresher, am shivering less. I am cling-
ing to my work. Typewritten copy of the Kovno piece, making notes for
the next part.

September 17, Wednesday

About two weeks ago, in the evening, at Postplatz, in the fourth restau-
rant in which we cannot find anything to eat, Delekat jumps up with very
great cordiality: genuinely pleased to meet us, we should visit him in
Radebeul. He himself long since retired as professor, as Confessing Pastor
he is banned from speaking in public. I could not make up my mind on
this visit. Now a somewhat pastoral letter arrived from him, dated Sep-
tember 13, tone: Consolation on the way to the gallows, "May God give
you both the strength . . . may God be with you and your brave wife . . .,"
but very well meant and with the invitation "to discuss matters with me
"in the offices of the Confessing Church." I was reluctant to do so, I was

SEPTEMBER 1941

431

also not quite certain of Delekat's complete altruism— was he afraid that
I might visit him in his apartment wearing the star? — Eva persuaded me,
it was at least interesting, so I went there yesterday sub specie curriculi.

Truly an interesting hour in the huge, labyrinthine and elegant apart-
ment wing at Johann Georgen Allee 31, first floor, "offices of the Evangel-
ical Confessing Church of Saxony," where I had frequently spoken with
Richter because of the tax (he is now sergeant-major in the army medical
service) and got to know Feder. (I have now almost completely fallen out
with Feder over the Nazism of his narrow-minded wife, and because he
did not want my taxes unless I paid them secretly, that is outside the tax-
free limit.) Delekat, in tails and top hat, just come from a funeral, large,
youthful, swarthy, perhaps a little more pastoral, a little less professorial
than he used to be, sincere and cordial. He seems to be a leading figure in
the "Fraternal Council of the Confessing Church."

Content of our conversation. General: One had to hold out. A com-
plete victory by Germany "technically impossible." Either compromise
peace now, only without Hitler. Or slowly bleeding to death. Impossible
to say what will happen. Fear of Bolshevism ("the same thing under an-
other name"), if it comes to bleeding to death. Concerning the Jewish
star: Who knows how many "Rust" it will last? Rust (the Education Min-
ister) a new unit of measurement, like "hertz" in physics. The teachers
say: 'One Rust is the interval between a decree and its cancellation.' " —
On the church tax: (Current position: This year I have to pay the "Na-
tional Jewish Association" 279M. I may pay 112M of that to the Confess-
ing Church, if I do not, it all goes to the Jews. Last year I brought the
money to Richter, the treasurer, this time I would have to transfer it
through the bank, because otherwise it would exceed my 320M "tax
limit." Delekat: "If it's a constraint on your conscience, transfer it. If not,
pay it to the Jewish Community." I: "You are afraid to be called a Jews'
church? I am offended by that." He: "We are under surveillance, ha-
rassed, we fear a complete prohibition by the Gestapo, we have to think
of the whole. We are thinking of setting up special Bible evenings for the
Jewish Christians, e.g., in Diisseldorf." I: "So you too do not want some-
one with the Jew's star to come to your services?" He: "There are spies
everywhere." Fear of ban of the whole organization. Also curfew for
Jews during the hours of service could be the result. (As they have been
prohibited from wearing medals.) I shall therefore pay the whole tax to
the Jews. — Private: Delekat was surprised that I am still working, not
just burning myself up." LTI interested him too. Theologically it was in-
teresting, how LTI excludes God everywhere, replaces divine workings
with human beings. (I must ask him for material.) [ . . . ] When I men-
tioned the change in value of fanatical , he talked about revolution. Origi-
nates in the Renaissance, in astronomy, was for a long time pejorative in
German (Luther only talks about "revolt"). Now revolution was a con-
cept with a positive sign. (But surely already so in 1789?) — About Kuhn

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and his war pamphlet — I called Kuhn a traitor to scholarship inwardly
Kuhn was a "skeptic," he had allowed himself to be carried along a little
by the current of events, mixes a lot with officers, had repeated their
opinions, had probably by now already changed his mind. Since child-
less, Kuhn's wife doing labor service [ . . . ] as a librarian at Zeiss-Ikon
(where there is a whole isolated section for Jews) — Delekat s own eldest
boy, 19, at present doing labor service in Brest, can be called up at any
moment, "a miracle" that he has not been already. Delekat himself
wounded outside Verdun. A couple of months ago (after 25 years!) an
abscess had developed on the old leg wound, which still contains splin-
ters. Proudly, as if reporting some heroic deed: "I deliberately had my-
self examined by Dr. Kohlmann, whose wife is non- Aryan." (And today
that really is a heroic deed.)

In the evening I was again momentarily depressed, since the Russian
counteroffensive now appears to be broken and German thrust across the
Dnieper and successes near Petersburg are announced. But then I said to
myself: Bought with how many German blood sacrifices? And for what
reason? Because there must be successes. Because yesterday tension with
the USA increased even further. Roosevelt decree: Any U-boat that at-
tacks or threatens American shipping between the USA and Iceland will
be fired on. (But no declaration of war on either side!) On top of that the
weather. The never ending downpours of rain. Fear for the potato harvest
everywhere. — We talked to young Kreidl for a while. He said: Econom-
ically Germany cannot survive the winter. At Zeiss-Ikon sections are idle
for hours because there is no material. Airplane instruments are made out
of light metal because there is a steel shortage. Light metal is vulnerable
to the weather. Poor wool substitute for soldiers' greatcoats and now
winter in Russia. There is a leather shortage. The postwoman complains
about cracked shoes, does not get any new ones. No isolated case,
anzi ...

Daily event in the Jews' House: Frau Kreidl Sr. here in tears, she does
not want to live anymore. Has to be comforted. Katchen Sara's palpita-
tions. Has to be comforted. Similar scenes between Eva and myself. With
alternating roles. The comforter always says what he does not believe
himself, and takes heart from his own words. For a couple of hours. Since
the Star of David, which is due to rise on Friday, September 19, things are
very bad. Everyone's attitude changing by turns, mine included: I shall
go out proud and dignified— I shall shut myself in and not leave the
house again. Eva plans as far as possible to be the "sabbath goy." How
long will she be able to endure it? At best until the first black ice. She is
now brave (plays music a lot), now deeply depressed. Muschel is starv-
ing. [ . . . ]

Yesterday a tobacco via dolorosa. On many shops: "No sale to Jews.
At many the line hopeless. At a few: "No goods arrived yet." In one: "I
can only serve my regular customers now." In a couple of places two or
three loose cigarettes in the hand. Finally, at about four (Jewish closing

SEPTEMBER 1941

433

time!), to Walter's once again, which had been shut earlier. Undreamed
of luck: 60 cigarettes (sixty!) and a little packet of tobacco, 2 ounces, after
I had already been without any smoking things for days. Also he gave
advance notice of "Little Russians," Eva's favorite, and promised to
hand them over to her. (Women are often not served.) He seemed to sus-
pect my situation. But in the evening came the damper: Kreidl Jr. knew
"for certain," tobacco cards would be issued on October 1. Naturally not
for Jews.

Letter from Trude Scherk: Grete had not got out of her room all sum-
mer. She "dozes" at the window. Visitors are upsetting. She appears to be
slowly dying away. Probably (hopefully) more agonizing for the onlooker
than for her. I have had no more news from Anny Klemperer for months.
Perhaps she took offense at a remark I made. I wrote, I was not very en-
thusiastic about emigration. I had suffered enough in my youth from fi-
nancial dependence on family.

I do not read aloud much. We are very exhausted in the evenings, Frau
Voss sits with us for a long time.

[...]

The tax business — on Monday I was at Sidonienstrasse Tax Office,
where the officials' courteousness was exemplary — turned out passably
for the time being. Admittedly the fact remains that Georg's 1,200M
present is stuck on to my pension and as Jewish assessment costs 500M in
tax, the worries about the winter also. But for the moment after everything
was balanced only 67M were due, after that 125M, in December. What is ^
the point in thinking any further ahead?

Katchen Sara ostentatiously wears a cross at her neck (present from her
Catholic husband, who was first a priest, then economist and became di-
rector of the Public Insurance Institute — she herself belongs to the Re-
formed Church), so as to paralyze the Jewish star.

The Jewish Cultural League in Berlin has been shut down, its property
has been confiscated.

Today I interrupted work on the Curriculum for a whole diary morning —
for the sake precisely of the Curriculum.

September 18, Thursday evening

The "Jewish star," black on yellow cloth, at the center in Hebrew-like
lettering "Jew," to be worn on the left breast, large as the palm of a hand,
issued to us yesterday for 10 pfennigs, to be worn from tomorrow. The
omnibus may no longer be used, only the front platform of the tram. — For
the time being at least Eva will take over all the shopping, I shall breathe
in a little fresh air only under shelter of darkness.

Today we were outside together in daylight for the last time. First ciga-
rette hunt, then on the tram (seat!) to Loschwitz over the suspension
bridge, from there along the right bank down by the river toward town as

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far as the Waldschlosschen. In 21 years we have never taken this route. The
Elbe, very high, broad, flowing strongly and quietly, a lot of mist, the park
gardens behind the high walls autumnal with flowers and falling leaves.
A first chestnut fell and burst at our feet. It was like a last day out, a last lit-
tle bit of freedom before a long (how long?) imprisonment. The same feel-
ing, as we ate in the Lowenbrau in Moritzstrasse.

When one occupant of this house visits another he rings three times.
That has been agreed, so that no one catches fright. A simple ring could be
the police.

September 19, Friday

[..]

Today the Jew's star. Frau Voss has already sewn it on, intends to turn
her coat back over it. Allowed? I reproach myself with cowardice. Yester-
day Eva wore out her feet on the pavements and must now go shopping
in town and cook afterward. Why? Because I am ashamed. Of what? From
Monday I intend to go shopping again. By then we shall certainly have
heard what effect it has.

September 20, Saturday

Yesterday, as Eva was sewing on the Jew's star, I had a raving fit of despair.
Eva's nerves finished too. She is pale, her cheeks are hollow. (The day be-
fore yesterday, for the first time in years, we had ourselves weighed. Eva
was 123 pounds, six and a half pounds lighter than in the turnip winter of
1917 — her normal weight was 154 pounds. I am still 148 pounds — it was
165 pounds before.) I told myself I must behave as after the car accident:
straight back to the steering wheel! Yesterday after the evening meal a few
steps outside with Eva only when it was completely dark. Today at mid-
day I really did go to Olsner's grocery shop on Wasaplatz and fetched
soda water. It cost me a great effort to do so. Meanwhile Eva is constantly
going on errands and cooking. Our whole life has been turned upside
down, and everything weighs on Eva. How long will her feet hold out? —
She visited Frau Kronheim. The latter took the tram yesterday— front plat-
form. The driver: Why was she not sitting in the car? Frau Kronheim is
small, slight, stooped, her hair completely white. As a Jewess she was for-
bidden to do so. The driver struck the panel with his fist: "What a mean
thing!" Poor comfort.

Today the Germans captured Kiev. So the Russian counteroffensive has
failed completely. What will happen when Hitler is finally victorious?

The weather has improved after weeks of rain (but autumnally cold).

SEPTEMBER 1941

435

That means: The Germans can keep going in Russia, the potatoes will not
rot, that means, therefore, that Hitler has a good chance of winning.

Frau Kreidl downstairs going around weeping everywhere, does not
want to go on living. Frau Kreidl upstairs, the Aryan one, shuts herself off
brusquely from the community of Jews. Eva takes over smaller errands for
the starred occupants of the house, on the street she gives them her arm,
so that it is covered up. [ . . . ]

September 22, Monday

Yesterday shut in all day in glorious weather, in the evening sneaked out
for a couple of minutes. [ . . . ] Even though I went to the grocer's on Wasa-
platz on Saturday — as I went back to the wheel after the car accident — the
dreadful aversion has not gone. Every step, the thought of every step is
desperation. — Lissy Meyerhof writes from Berlin: Passersby sympa-
thized with the star wearers. She also writes, we should be optimistic,
Aryan friends told her, this was the final act. — I too believe it is the fifth
act. But some plays in world literature, e.g., Hugo's Cromwell , have six acts.
[...]

On Kreidl's advice, I am now smoking the blackberry tea, which Eva
drinks and which I loathe, in my pipe. For the Curriculum I am just work-
ing through the year 1917: increasing similarities with today.

[...]

September 23, Tuesday

Beginning of autumn with thick fog, could be the middle of October. —
Old farmer Pfeifer, the big landowner up in Dolzschen, said to Vogel that
never in his life had he seen such a pitiful potato harvest as this time. It has
been announced in the papers that restaurants are banned from peeling

potatoes lam reading the 1916-18 diaries for the Curriculum. Exactly

the same notes as now, with similar (not quite so desperate) emotions —
only today the fronts are reversed. Will the harvest be bad enough , will the
weather in Russia be cold enough , etc., etc.?

Yesterday I really did go through the middle of town on the front plat-
form and made purchases at Heckert's, Paschky's and Giintzel's.
Nowhere a hurt — but the most wretched, bitter feeling.

September 25, Thursday evening

We had been told about a Jewish luncheon place in the Marschallstrasse,
which also provided food around six o'clock. We arrived there hungry — it

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is not allowed to serve food in the evening. I sent Eva to a restaurant in the
market hall, where she can get a plate of vegetables for a few pfennigs — I
am not allowed in. At home I ate bread, of which there is never enough,
and potato salad, for the third time today. On the way, on the front plat-
form of the no. 5, as it got empty toward Zschemitz, the driver, man in his
forties with war medals: "Leading us toward glorious times, isn't he? — it
won't stay like this — another two years, at most another four — it'll turn

out differently in the end Not so bad, your sign, at least you know

who you're talking to, who you've got in front of you, you can speak your
mind for once!" Then another passenger got on, and the driver was silent.
— Yesterday Eva fetched our last reserves from Annemarie. Till Novem-
ber 1. What then?

I crisscross the city, on foot and by tram. It does not cease to be dis-
tressing.

September 27, Saturday

Herr von Loeben, the good-natured blatherer and busybody of the Con-
fessing Church, came to visit and brought me, Frau Voss and young Kreidl
as his little non- Aryan flock — he himself is half- Aryan — words of consola-
tion from Herr Richter, who takes care of the administration of the Con-
fessing Church and is now serving as a sergeant major in the medical corps.
The letter is a confused sermon in purest pulpit style. Our Aryan fellow be-
lievers are tempted to deny us, we in turn are tempted to nurse unchristian
thoughts of revenge, both must not be. Furthermore we should be proud of
the Star of David, it demonstrates our kinship with David, that we are
God's children. I told Loeben, I was not especially impressed by the Con-
fessing Church, which denied us in public (no tax!) — Loeben said a few
things about the general situation, which cheered me up a little. He said:
The completely mendacious military bulletin is now talking about 600,000
prisoners at Kiev (this evening it's even 675,000!), but the first reports of the
battle had said that four armies with approximately 200,000 men had been
surrounded. He, Loeben, had inquired where the other hundreds of thou-
sands came from. Answer: Kiev has 850,000 inhabitants, and the civilian
prisoners have been included in the reckoning. — He went on: My cousin
is laid up in a military hospital. Recently the high boots of all the wounded
had to be handed over, they were given light shoes in return.

Such shortages! And despite them a winter campaign in Russia!

September 28, Sunday

[...]

LTL "From the Fiihrer 's headquarters, 9/27/41 ... A victory in battle has
thus been won, which is without parallel in history." Bamum ringing the

OCTOBER 1941

437

changes in hyperbole. This on the 665,000 prisoners at Kiev. In the same
newspaper (Dresdner Anzeiger, September 27-28) a leading article on the an-
niversary of the pact with Japan. At the beginning: What a good position we
are in, also economically "greater than ever," because based "on the strength
of the whole of Europe." (!) At the end: Confidence, that Japan knows what
it must do in its great hour, who its real enemy is. In the middle, however,
the information that Japan has been negotiating with the USA for weeks. We
"cannot blame" it for that, it is simply examining every approach. [ . . . ]

In the evening the Kreidls came up from downstairs. (Interruption by a
police check, each in his lodging, glad that the officers were so courte-
ous— y en a d'autres — then continuation of the conversation.) Paul Kreidl
brought the news, which is already supposed to have been in the newspa-
pers on Friday: "American assets in Germany have been blocked." With
that there is virtually no prospect that I shall receive further payments
from Georg's account. And that means that I shall be forced to sell the
house, perhaps in January.

I also spoke to Kreidl about Loeben and learned this: The League of
Non- Aryan Christians, which I was invited to join immediately after the
Niimberg Laws — I did not accept, to me it would have amounted to a
recognition of Hitlerism — this League was soon banned; its place was
taken, out of it grew the office of Pastor Gruber, with whom I repeatedly
had dealings. The office was helpless, as Kreidl confirmed. I also had the
worst experiences with Gruber's assistant. Miss Livingstone. This Pastor
Gruber has been locked up since '39. — How far behind me already lie the
years in which I endeavored to obtain a post abroad!

Extremely slow work on the section Book Control Office Leipzig.

[...]

October 1, Wednesday morning

There are warning notes here and there. The Czech prime minister (Elias)
of a government compliant with Germany and closely supervised by it
has been arrested for high treason, the Reich Protector, Neurath, "sick," re-
placed by SS Obergruppenfiihrer Heydrich, Himmler's right hand, id
aiunt: author of the Jew's star, bloodhound and Alba. — In Italy ( this ver-
sion and explanation is official) bread ration 7 ounces, for workers 10
ounces daily. It is not yet certain who counts as a worker, there had been
reluctance to introduce the ration card because bread is the Italian staple
food, what the potato is here. But the com harvest is unfavorable, and
Italy must also provide for Greece and Dalmatia, countries which have lit-
tle grain and are dependent on imports.

From today considerable further limitation of bus services; so Lockwitz
only gets a shuttle service to the no. 13 tram, which is in any case already
overcrowded. Gasoline shortage! — The boom boom of the Wehrmacht
must drown out all the warning notes. The greatest victory of world his-

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tory at Kiev. Successes of Italian(\) troops in the East. (Is there more than
one Italian division there? Is it kept anxiously in the background?) Great
Italian air successes against the English fleet at Gibraltar. — Eva calls yes-
terday's report about bread rationing virtually a preparation for a separate
Italian peace. I am not that optimistic, but I allow myself a little hope nev-
ertheless. Hope is sorely needed, I am so wretchedly imprisoned after all.
From today not allowed outside after eight again. Since I've been wearing
this star . . . But I've already noted that down a dozen times.

October 4, Saturday

Yesterday to John Neumann's in Winckelmannstrasse. When we lived in
Hohe Strasse, Frau Neumann, daughter of Alma Fink — acquaintance
through Grete — used to take her two little children for walks. Now
around 50, son New York machine fitter, 21; daughter 18, photographer,
engaged to a Swede. I gave a recommendation to Sussmann (analogous
fate to Hilde Sussmann-Jonson). The man mid-sixties. Neither Orthodox,
but emphatically Jewish. Still they consented to their daughter's marriage.
I borrowed Gronemann from them a couple of months ago. Now read out
the Kovno section there. Good impression. The Neumanns still have their
own apartment — but with three tenants. — Neumann very optimistic. The
thing will collapse from the inside even before Easter — the tremendous
losses in Russia — military dictatorship — democratic government waiting
in London. — Favorable experiences with the star. Only a child of former
acquaintances had run out full of fear: "Ugh, a Jew!" Horrified, the mother
apologized, he had not heard it at home — presumably at kindergarten. —
The child's fear could not be pacified.

I myself experienced this while shopping. Elderly woman, selling from
a handcart. "Can I have some of the large radishes?" — "But of course!" —
I glance longingly at the tomatoes, forbidden "goods in short supply."
"They're not to be had without a card, are they?" — "I'll give you some, I
know how things stand." Makes up a pound. Then reaches under her cart,
pulls out a handful of onions, which are very rare: "Hold out your bag —
so that's 60 pfennigs altogether." There is no doubt that the people feel the
persecution of the Jews to be a sin.

Today communication from the Deutsche Bank, Berlin, that I have been
allowed a further 1,200M in 200M installments from Georg's account. Incl.
of Jewish tax more than 600M will be deducted from that, nevertheless it
lifts a burden from me for the whole of the winter. What is the point in
reckoning beyond that?

Frau Neumann had the simplest and most comprehensive comment on
the star: Since that I have never been able to walk naturally on the street.

Woes of the time. The invitation to the Neumanns had read: "Bring
your pipe, I have good tobacco." For two weeks now I have been smoking

OCTOBER 1941

439

pure blackberry tea. Eva too is already mixing genuine cigarette tobacco
with the tea and rolling her own. The number of ready-made cigarettes
she gets from Walter and Hochgemuth is minimal, there is no tobacco to
be found at all anymore — she has an emergency reserve of just 3 14 ounces.
So at the Neumanns I really did fill a pipe with genuine tobacco and even
took away with me enough very good genuine tobacco for a dozen full
pipes. I smoked some of it yesterday evening and early this morning —
then it occurred to me that it could also be used for rolling cigarettes, and
I went back to the blackberry tea.

October 7, Tuesday

Frau Voss heard as vouched-for: A chaplain is officiating in St. Hedwig's
Cathedral in Berlin with the Jew's star on his vestment.

Frau Voss receives a bill from her health insurance, addressed to "Frau
Kate Lore Voss." She signs the compulsory Sara in such a way that it looks
like Lore. (Otherwise she would have had to give up the insurance a long
time ago.) Similarly: turning back the coat over the Jew's star or walking
with her umbrella up, even when it has stopped raining — because then
her arm covers the star. Or a package or a bag pressed against it. (A circu-
lar from the Jewish Community has warned against it, it is severely pun-
ished.) The cross still dangling from her neck. At the same time the
constant: "If my husband were still alive, I would not need to wear a
star — I always have bad luck."

LTI. In his last speech to the Winter Aid Workers Hitler said: I shall re-
turn home from this war an even more fanatical National Socialist than I
was before.

October 9, Thursday, toward evening

60 years. Vieillard. Ever since Berthold and Wally only managed to get to
59, 1 have never really believed that I would live to see the day. I am living
through it in a very depressed mood. In normal times honors would have
come to me, now I am wearing the Star of David.— And today of all days
the newspaper is one long howl of triumph: Breaking through the middle
of the Russian lines toward Moscow was the actual, true and complete an-
nihilation of the Soviet Russians. Hitler's October 2 proclamation to the
army even more Bamum-like than usual.

Stay calm, stay calm!

Annemarie visited us, the first time in about two years. She brought some
new novel as a present; I asked her to exchange it for a summary of the World
War. — Lissy Meyerhof sent a touching little packet of food, in it a couple of
grams of coffee, Sussmann sent a long rambling letter. — I worked on a cou-

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pie of lines of the Curriculum. Katchen Sara baked me shortcake and gave
me a bottle of wine, a little bottle of cognac, a pound of bread coupons. Com-
movente. Eva, terribly troubled by a cough, looking even more pinched than
she did already, made potatoes lyonaise for the birthday dinner, managed to
buy me an umbrella, a desk clock, a wallet replacement, two ties, is out from
morning till evening hunting for food and tobacco goods.

Just stay calm!

In the evenings we are both regularly dead tired and exhausted. Mostly
only small talk about same old things with Katchen Sara or with Kreidl Sr.
who tends to come downstairs (without his wife and without us having
invited them or even only him) and who is somewhat intrusive. So the
reading aloud often comes to a halt.

[...]

I am glad that this sixtieth is coming to an end, tomorrow is an ordinary
day again. I intend to accept it as a fortunate dispensation of providence,
as material for my Curriculum, as a gain, that I am experiencing all this ig-
nominy on the spot.

What have I written between fifty and sixty? The Corneille , one and
three-quarter volumes Dix-huitieme, one and five-sixths volumes Cur-
riculum, 1881-Easter 1917. C'est bien peu pour un sergeant.

October 13

The cobbler in Habsburger— no: Planettastrasse: "Please, let your wife come
from now on. The guild has strictly forbidden us to do work for Jews— you
are to go to the Jewish cobbler. But you are an old customer of mine."

The chilblains on my hands, which plagued me last winter, have al-
ready come back, and in an excruciating form.

October 25, Saturday

Ever more shocking reports about deportations of Jews to Poland. They
have to leave almost literally naked and penniless. Thousands from Berlin
to Lodz ("Litzmannstadt"). A letter from Lissy Meyerhof about it. And
many stories from Katchen Sara. Grotesque yesterday because of the way
she jumped about from one thing to another. Tears, weak heart and plea-
sures all mixed up. A Jewish birthday coffee afternoon. Eighteen ladies.
"Real coffee— but sooo strong, mocha, and cakes over and over, like in
peacetime, home baked, saved up for. And letters read out from Berlin,
Frankfurt, Essen. — This one's aunt has hanged herself — her sister wanted
to throw herself in front of a train — I had palpitations — the cakes . . .

Will Dresden be affected and when? It hangs over us all the time. —
German advance continues in Russia, even though the winter has begun.

NOVEMBER 1941

441

Latest version: After final victory over the Soviets, perhaps in the
spring, there is a coup by the military and from the Right; the new gov-
ernment concludes a good compromise peace with England. I cannot be-
lieve it, not on the German side, nor on the English. [ . . . ] One who is of
this opinion— it corresponds with his heart's desire— is here again, Lud-
wig Voss, Katchen's brother-in-law, the Rhenish and Catholic headmaster
retired. He abhors Hitler, but he abhors the English just as much. "In 1919
they forced us off the pavement with their riding whips. Servitude under
Churchill would perhaps be even worse than under Hitler." Herr Ludwig
Voss is not entirely sound after all. It gave him pleasure to put together his
Proof of Ancestry: (Proof of Ancestry: LTI.) I always ask myself: Who among
the "Aryan" Germans is really untouched by National Socialism? The con-
tagion rages in all of them, perhaps it is not contagion, but basic German
nature.

I am running around with an untidy head— hair much too long at the
back of the neck and at the temples. I do not dare go into a barbershop,
with the star they can refuse me. — Our food problem, in particular my
shortage of bread, grows worse all the time.

October 27, Monday

The latest blows: Smokers' cards , only for men, not for Jews. With that we
are quite defeated. It hits Eva even harder than it does me. I have already
been accustomed to blackberry tea for weeks, cigarillos were a rare excep-
tion. So far she has still been rolling her cigarettes half with tobacco and
only half with tea. I also gave her the last little packet of pipe tobacco. —
Then yesterday, Sunday, after Eva had just cut my hair, letter from the Jew-
ish Community, typewriters had to be handed over on Monday and
Thursday. Agitated debates here, to what extent the machine is Eva's
property, to what extent she has property of her own, whether our goods
were divided or held in common. I ran to the Reichenbachs to get legal ad-
vice— he was working at the Community, she was deeply depressed. (The
deportations!) Today, at the Community, the shady Estreicher told me I
should make an application with respect to the typewriter, which, how-
ever, was unlikely to get anywhere.

On Saturday Paul and Ida Kreidl spent the evening with us. They have
a daughter and sister in Prague, who is registered for Poland. On Saturday
they were more composed than in the days beforehand. There was rela-
tively positive news to hand from Lodz: clean barracks, good heating and
food, decent treatment in the munitions factories. That is already reckoned
a comfort.

Concepts of honor, of glory, of ambition — how dependent on social his-
tory: The Kreidls had a big sporting goods shop here, the father died a few
years ago, the son already joint owner at 21. He explains with pride:
"Father dealt in clothes, when he took over the shop he was still selling

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secondhand clothes, knew nothing about sports, about sports equipment.
I enlarged it. We had 1,000 ski boots in stock. My successor doesn't have a
single pair now — there's a ban on manufacturing them."

Letters from Trude Scherk and Anny Klemperer, as I had enquired
about Grete. Consternation at the deportations. Anny Klemperer is rack-
ing her brains as to how she could possibly remit money for Grete to
Poland, difficulties are already being raised for her here. Anny sees all the
misery, and yet she writes: "It's a blessing that the Russians have not
marched in — otherwise our life and all our culture would have been at an
end." How can I go on complaining about the stupidity of the people,
when my sister-in-law allows herself to be made just as stupid?

October 31, Friday

The typewriter was taken away on Tuesday. That hit me hard, it is virtu-
ally irreplaceable. I now want to finish a rough version of Volume II of the
Curriculum by hand— perhaps I shall manage to do so by New Year, per-
haps by February 12, '42 (I started on February 12, '39)— and then try to
borrow a typewriter. — I was also offended that Eva again mistrusted my
industriousness and herself went to the Community once again to claim
back the typewriter as her personal and Aryan property.

LTI. Below an engagement notice in the Dresdner Anzeiger stood "Sea-
port Rostock." Every town has to have its own trade and symbol. Trade
Fair City Leipzig, Spa Town X, etc. Borrowed from the Middle Ages. Pe-
culiarity of tribes, towns, ranks, costumes.

November 1

Was for the first time subjected to some abuse the day before yesterday. At
Chemnitzer Platz a section of Hitler Youth cubs. "A yid, a yid!" Yelling
they run toward the dairy I am just entering, I can still hear them shouting
and laughing outside. When I come out, they are lined up. I look calmly at
their commander, not a word is spoken. Once I am past, behind me, but
not called out loudly, one, two voices: "A yid!" — A couple of hours later
at Lange's nursery, I am fetching sand for Muschel, an older worker: "You,
mate, do you know Herrschmann? — No? — He's a Jew too, porter like
me — I just wanted to say: It doesn't matter about the star, we're all human
beings, and I know such good Jews." Such consolation is not very cheer-
ing either. But which is the true vox populi?

Today urgent warning card from Sussmann, he must have read some-
thing alarming about the deportations, I should immediately renew my
USA application, he himself would see to it that I got an interim residence
permit in Sweden, "if all conditions for the USA were fulfilled." I wrote

NOVEMBER 1941

443

back immediately, every route was now blocked. In fact we heard from
several sources that a complete ban on all emigration has just been de-
creed on the German side. Besides a year and a day would pass before the
new American conditions were fulfilled. No, we must wait here and see
what our fate will be.

[...]

November 2, Sunday

[...]

[ . . . ] Headmaster Voss was with us yesterday. — Among other things
he told us that the Bishop of Munster, Count Galen, had preached publicly
against the Gestapo and the killing of the mentally infirm. The bishop had
not been arrested on the grounds that "one does not want to make any
martyrs," in truth, because they had "not dared to."

At home all day working on the Curriculum. Pitiful result: one written
page [ . . . ]

LTI so uniform because the whole press has one director, because every
word of the Fiihrer and a few subordinate Fiihrers is repeated mechani-
cally and presented like a catechism. Everyone says: "stubborn," says "fa-
natical," says "sworn fraternity," says "matchless." (They're going to town
on Hitler's allegory "General Winter" now.)

[...]

November 9, Sunday

[ . . . ] On Saturday evenings we are often downstairs with the Kreidls now
or they come to us. Paul Kreidl, doing heavy laboring work constructing
railway lines, the Jew's star on his sackcloth smock, can get a good sleep
on Sunday. He talks a lot about life as a businessman (inherited sporting
goods shop), something of a snob, but very interesting.

The deportations to Poland continue, the Jews everywhere deeply de-
pressed. I met the Neumanns outside the teacher training college in
Teplitzer Strasse, these usually plucky, optimistic people were utterly
downcast, considering suicide. The possibility of getting to Cuba had just
been offered to them when the complete ban on emigration came into
force. Frau Neumann's uncle, Atchen Fink's older brother, a man late in
his sixties committed suicide with his wife in Berlin, when they were to be
deported. Neumann said to me he would rather be dead and know his
wife dead, than see her "louse-ridden and rebuilding Minsk." Frau Neu-
mann in tears: "We were just discussing where we could obtain
veronal" ... I roused them with such fine words that I quite raised my
own spirits. Five minutes to midnight ... our special courage . . . rebuild-

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ing Minsk cannot be uninteresting, etc. They said it was a comfort to listen
to me, God must have sent me to them. They will be our guests next Sat-
urday. I recently wrote to Lissy Meyerhof that there are three kinds of
preachers: those who do not believe and dissemble, those who really be-
lieve, and those who believe while they are speaking, and who speak in
order to give themselves the pleasure of believing. I am one of the third
kind.

Frau Voss is now suffering greatly from palpitations, she is subjected to
attempts at extortion because of her house. The most recent threat, trans-
mitted by Estreicher, was: "Within three days we can have you in a Polish
ghetto and doing labor service."

Kreidl Sr. and Dr. Friedheim have not left the house since September 19,
the day on which the Star of David rose. With Dr. Friedheim it's of his own
free will, with Kreidl presumably the will of his Aryan wife, who does not
want to be compromised. In good weather both are busy in the garden,
but have now been shut in for quite a long while. They must go mad, and
one can sense their tenseness.

November 11, Tuesday

LTI. Separate chapters: (1) The German schools reader and the history
book in the 3rd Reich. (2) The anti-Semitic and racist press 1914-1933. (I
come to this by way of the Curriculum note on Trotsky-Braunstein, cf.
Litvinov-Finkelstein.)

The eternal: "He was very decent to me" (the policeman, some petty of-
ficial or other, etc.) is appalling. People have no expectation anymore,
hardly even hope of "decent" treatment.

A doctor from the Public Health Office was here for the second time to
inspect the house, this time with a builder. We suspect expulsion. He was
not allowed to say anything, replied the man to my question. Despair of
the owner of the house, Kreidl Sr. My worry: the grand piano, the tomcat.

Yesterday Hitler's November 9 speech. Undisguised threat against the
Bishop of Munster, undisguised fear.

November 18

The news of the Jewish deportations to Poland and Russia sounds cata-
strophic from several sources. Letter from Lissy Meyerhof to us, from Voss
in Cologne to Katchen Sara, word-of-mouth reports. We hear quite a lot. The
Neumanns visited us. Frau Voss is doing labor service at Zeiss-Ikon—
"voluntarily" because that is supposed to provide protection against depor-
tation, also voluntarily without quotation marks, because it's like bridge, all
her male and female friends work there. They punch holes or assemble some

NOVEMBER 1941

445

components or other, presumably measuring instruments for submarines
and aircraft. (The Jewish section is supposed to have very good conditions.)

In the tram (rear cabin, the permitted front platform is not separated
from the inside seats), I was addressed by Frau Kuhn, whom I did not rec-
ognize at first. A courageous act, especially as a few days ago there is sup-
posed to have been an explicit warning on the radio, supported by a
Goebbels article, against any association whatsoever with Jews. He, Kuhn,
the historian, still has his post and is very well disposed to the regime.
(His pamphlet on the meaning of the war.)

Preparation of new confiscations, which this time do not affect us.
Apart from typewriters: opera glasses and cameras. (On the other hand
the complete prohibition on using trams has not occurred.)

In exchange for the novel, Annemarie Kohler sent me an excellent un-
biased and comprehensive survey: E. O. Volkmann, The Great War 1914-
1918. My Curriculum has already benefited from his chapter on the last
German offensive in the West, which confirms, extends the information in
the diaries.

November 21, Friday

Kreidl Sr. summoned to the Gestapo the morning of the day before yester-
day for questioning," did not come back. His wife went there in the af-
ternoon: arrest, PPD, in custody, political grounds. No one knows
anything more. Supposition: the Czech unrest, Kreidl's name could have
been found in some correspondence or other. He is completely harmless.
He can be kept inside for weeks, even months. Everyone is threatened by
the same fate at any moment.

November 23, Sunday

Kreidl Sr. still under arrest, no one knows the reason. Ironic circumstance:
He absolutely did not want to go out on the street with the Jew's star, lived
at home from September 19. His first walk: ordered to the Gestapo for
"questioning." Detained there.

[...]

November 24, Monday evening

Frau Reichenbach the Reichenbachs were our and Katchen's guests yes-
terday—told us a gentleman had greeted her in a shop doorway. Had he
not mistaken her for someone else? — "No, I do not know you, but you
will now be greeted frequently. We are a group 'who greet the Jew's star.' "

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November 28, Friday

Ussy Meyerhof unexpectedly included among those to be evacuated. Fur-
niture confiscated for auction. Transport (to Poland or Russia) scheduled for
November 27, postponed at the last moment, it is said until January. No one
knows any details, not who will be affected, nor when, nor where to. Every
day news from many cities, departure of large transports, postponements,
then departures again, with sixty-year-olds, without sixty-year-olds—
everything seems arbitrary. Munich, Berlin, Hanover, Rhineland . . . The
army needs the trains, the army has released trains . . . Everyone wavers,
waits from day to day. Today an urgent communication from the National
Association: Who has war decorations? Will that be of any use against de-
portation?

I must go to the Clothes Store of the Israelite Community, following an
application: " three pairs of used socks" have been allocated to me there.

Eva spends half the day scouring market hall and shops. Provisions,
potato shortage. Unavailable apart from that: saucepans (not to be found
anywhere ), heat resistant wash-pots, chromium-plated knives, earthenware
coffee mugs, deep plates. — Most extreme shortage of toilet paper.

Very great spectacle in Berlin for the Anti-Comintern Pact. Renewed
after five years, 13 states. "The young nations," the "new Europe" against
Jewish Bolshevism and Jewish England. Ribbentrop's speech: "We can
wage war for thirty years."

Kreidl Sr. still under arrest. No one knows what he is accused of. His
wife is not allowed to speak to him. An inspector at the PPD told her: "He
talked." Kreidl's fate, Lissy's fate: at any hour it could be mine.

The alarm abroad about the deportations must be very great: Without
having asked for them, Lissy Meyerhof and Caroli Stem received, by
telegram, from relatives in the USA visa and passage to Cuba. But it doesn t
help them; the German side is not issuing any passports. (Another asser-
tion: only issued to the over-sixties. Everything uncertain, changing daily.)
Cf. also Sussmann's card to me. We weighed matters up again. Result as
always: stay. If we go, then we save our lives and are dependents and
beggars for the rest of our lives. If we remain, then our lives are in dan-
ger, but we retain the possibility of afterward leading a life worth liv-
ing. Consolation in spite of it all: Going hardly depends on us any more.
Everything is fate, one could be rushing to one's doom. If, e.g., we had
moved to Berlin in spring, then by now I would probably already be in
Poland.

November 30, Sunday

My latest domestic activity: brushing jacket potatoes. (Unfortunately I can-
not peel.) We have a hundredweight of potatoes, a blessing, shortage of

DECEMBER 1941

447

potatoes everywhere, restaurants required three times a week to serve
only potatoes in their jackets. — Questionnaire from the National Associ-
ation. Veteran? Decorations?” At the Community no one knows what it is
about. Supposition in Berlin: Exemption from deportation, as well as from
the Jew s star. Too nice to be true. Dropping the Jew's star would relieve
Eva twice over: from the many shopping errands and from cooking. Cook-
ing every evening, in particular, exhausts her very greatly (heating up of
head, eyes, nerves).

When I fetched the socks — I got new ones moreover — the Community
man there, an elderly educated man, front-line veteran, said: "From the
Wars of Liberation onward, our papers don't go any further back, people
from our family have taken part in all Germany's wars, '64, '66, 70"; evac-
uation of Dresden was not to be feared, because not worthwhile. "Only
1,000 Jews here, of whom 400 at Zeiss-Ikon, besides many children and
people over seventy among the 600."

Today Lissy sent a touching little Christmas package (about H ounce of
coffee, a piece of soap, a packet of black bread, green with mold, etc.), also
lengthy letter: Chaotic conditions in the deportation business; transports
leave, are canceled, leave after all. Those designated drag their suitcases to
the station, drag them back, wait — in Hanover the women from an old peo-
ple s home are sitting on their suitcases. — Uniformed police came to
Lissy s room, searched it, took her vacuum cleaner and small carpets away
with them.

Emigrants — Reich law since two days ago — declared stateless, their
blocked accounts seized. The question now is, whether I shall still receive
the 1,200M from Georg already assigned to me — so far the October in-
stallment has been paid to me. If nothing more follows, I have neverthe-
less hoarded a reserve of 1,000M over and above the tax-free limit, which
would be sufficient for the enormous taxes, for mortgage and dentist until
April. What is the point of making provision any further ahead than that?

I have the impression that terror and chaos are getting worse day by
day. Ever new battles in the East, even though Russia is supposed to have
been annihilated long ago, in Africa big English offensive in Cyrenaica,
"Gondar, last Italian position" in Abyssinia has fallen. How much longer
can Italy hold out?

December 4, Thursday morning

The diary must be out of the house. Yesterday Paul Kreidl brought news
that a circular was on its way: Inventory of household effects. That means
confiscations, perhaps also deportation. A house search can be expected
immediately after the inventory statement. Eva is therefore to take my di-
aries and manuscripts to Annemarie. If necessary I shall have to stop the
diary notes altogether. Today I shall also leave my personal documents

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to be photocopied, since all documents are likely to be confiscated. (One
turns into a Peter Schlemihl as it were.)

On Tuesday afternoon we were at the Neumanns for tea. An Aryan
lady there, probably in her fifties, very anglophile, supplied with news
from there. Situation of the English offensive in Africa is favorable.

Sussmann writes urgently again, I should pursue emigration. He had
agreement by airmail from Georg, that he, Georg, was transferring the
sum required by Sweden, maintenance for two persons for five years(!).
Just now second card from Sussmann with 12 questions for the Foreign
Ministry there. "If change of address likely, this could possibly be deferred
by referring to imminent departure." Thus extreme disquiet abroad about
our fate.

December 5, Friday

Nine tenths a false alarm: The circular merely contains the obligation to re-
port every testamentary disposition of "movable goods, that is all Jewish
property (every piece of furniture, etc.) is being fixed, nothing can be got to
safety anymore. Bad enough — but not quite as bad and immediately
threatening as an inventory. — But the "evacuations" continue, it can hit
us any day. Also numerous house searches for foodstuffs, soap and skin
cream are said to be taking place. — At all events diaries since 1933 will be
out of the house today. And some manuscripts. And personal papers
which, so it is said, the Gestapo like to take away with them.

Katchen Sara in her nervousness: yesterday morning at about half past
four flickering glow of fire outside the glass door of our bedroom. Eva up.
Katchen: "My God, did I get a fright!"; completely confused. Could not
sleep, cigarette in bed, newspaper flared up — into the corridor with the
burning sheet, attempt to extinguish —

December 7, Sunday

Eva was at Annemarie's the day before yesterday. Annemarie told her,
Russian prisoners were searching garbage cans for food. Paul Kreidl had
heard exactly the same story at work.

The new decree, which fixes our movable property — it states, inter alia,
that what is permitted to be taken away on evacuation need not be noti-
fied!— furthermore the house searches for foodstuffs causing much anxi-
ety. Katchen is sticking "Pickling Vinegar" and "Vinegar" over wine-bottle
labels. It was announced on the radio, Aryan persons who took Jewish
property for safekeeping would receive prison sentences. Frau PI . . . got
into a hysterical panic, which she passed on to Katchen Sara. What to do
with the Persian lamb? — The church painting is a loan from her brother-
in-law, to whom it was left by her late husband.

DECEMBER 1941

449

Today I saw a postcard with the postmark: "Litzmannstadt Ghetto." On
it the Elder of the Jews" made known that financial donations to evac-
uees were permitted. The card bore yet another stamp: "Litzmannstadt
biggest industrial city of the East."

[...]

Diary is kept in a folder of notes on the XVIIIme.

December 9, Tuesday morning

Big news yesterday evening. (1) Japan declared war on the USA on the
eighth (or seventh?). Everything about it is inexplicable and incalculable.
Why? (Triple Pact bound to respond: if war is declared on it?), why now?
With what prospects? What effect on the relationship Germany-USA and
what on Russia-Japan? Of course according to today's Japanese telegrams
a whole US squadron has already been annihilated. Goebbels' and Asian
style. — Paul Kreidl thinks: Now all opinion in the USA will be for war
with Germany. (2) The military bulletin says, henceforth it is necessary to
reckon on the winter and otherwise rest. Therefore the attack on Moscow
and Petersburg appears to have been unsuccessful. And how often have
they already said: Russia completely beaten. (Exactly like last year: En-
gland is already dead.) (3) From Africa only reports of continuing heavy
fighting. In NS style that now means: The English offensive is gaining
ground. ° °

In addition Estreicher's arrest was announced yesterday. General re-
joicing. The man is hated by everyone.

December 12, Friday morning

Yesterday, December 11, '41, Germany declared war on the USA. We prop-
erly heard of it only this morning (in the coal cellar from Frau Ludwig, Dr.
Friedheim s Catholic- Aryan housekeeper). We already said it to each
other yesterday, since Hitler had summoned the Reichstag to "receive a
government declaration," and since the evening newspaper reported the
reciprocal arrest of Germans in the USA and of US people in Germany.

Characteristic feature: At quarter to four I was at the grocer's on Wasa-
platz. The shop empty, the owner fumbling around with something; the
radio on in the back, I hear Hitler's voice without being able to under-
stand it. I: "Has war been declared on the USA?" — The shopkeeper quite
indifferent: "I don't know. I'm busy here." In 1918 in just the same way, at
the Merkur in Leipzig, the racing results were hung over telegrams of the
progress of the offensive. — In the newspaper nothing but announce-
ments of great Japanese victories; ships sunk, cargos, etc.

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Evening

"It was the Jew in all his Satanic vileness, which gathered around this
man, but also to whom this man reached out." (Hitler on December 11,
speech declaring war on Roosevelt.) LTI pushed to the point of absurdity.
In this speech Hitler developed the concept of Europe. For him the begin-
ning and only foundation is Greece, into which Nordic tribes entered.
Jerusalem excluded, Hellas Germanized! Very interesting the stages Ger-
many-Greater Germany-Europe, and how they have been climbed in the
last few years. "Even Frenchmen" are fighting for Europe against Bolshe-
vism, it is simply "a crusade" (in this last speech). The conclusion is yet
again this time (as also the last time against the Bishop of Munster) a
threat directed inward, in part in almost the same words: Whoever under-
mines or attacks the authority of the regime, no matter under what cam-
ouflage," will die an ignominious death.

December 17, Wednesday

LTI. Lissy Meyerhof— still in Berlin, but constantly threatened by "evacu-
ation," wrote that the '14-'18 war is lately being called the " Little World
War." That is very LTIstic: What we are doing must be bigger than every-
thing that went before. Consider at the same time this peculiarity: In the
case of the war, it really is bigger— Japan, USA, Africa are much more
strongly involved— and yet there is still an air of charlatanry about it.
Even when they are telling the truth ...

On Saturday young Kreidl, baptized, thoroughly European and German-
minded, talked about the "Jewish nation." It shook me. Hitler is the most
important promoter of Zionism, Hitler has literally created the "Jewish na-
tion," "world Jewry," the Jew. TJ ...

I walked down Caspar David Friedrich Strasse beside Frau Ida Kreidl;
we were overtaken by an old mailman in uniform, a Christmas tree under
his arm. He called out loudly to her, on the street, harmlessly: "When will
we buy from you again? Me and my mates, old sportsmen, we bought so
much from you. And such good quality. As mailman, I know, I delivered
so many parcels to you. Such good quality!" The Kreidls had a shop in
Galeriestrasse selling work clothes and sporting goods. It was Aryanized.
— Voxpopuli?

Lissy's letter assumes war with the USA will make the war longer. The
assumption appears widespread. But if I hang a heavier weight on a clock,
then it runs down more quickly.

Today I wrote a very resigned letter to Sussmann. I quoted Katchen Sara s
favorite phrase: "I wonder whatTl happen next." I wrote, that as last words
they will turn out at least as beautiful as "More light" or "plaudite . . ."

DECEMBER 1941

451

December 22, Monday

Decrees yesterday— Paul Kreidl brings them up, circular from the Com-
munity, signature necessary: (1) Prohibition on using public telephones. (Pri-
vate telephones were taken from us long ago.) (2) Curfew for all Jews from
the morning of December 24 to January 1, "since provocative behavior of
a Jew in public has caused outrage." Exempted is only the shopping hour
three till four (Saturday twelve till one); so four of the eight days (the
Christmas holidays. New Year's Day and Sunday) are days of complete
imprisonment. — The one "outrageous" case is supposed to have been
this (reports in agreement and incontestable): A Nazi cow shouts at an el-
derly gentleman: "Get down off the sidewalk, Jew!" He refuses, he has a
right to be on the sidewalk. He is summoned to the Gestapo "for ques-
tioning" and imprisoned. This was told us by Paul Kreidl, whose work-
mate is a son of the man, who was present at the scene and was likewise
summoned to the Gestapo. Katchen, who worked with the man at Zeiss-
Ikon, told exactly the same story.

This month the 200M installment from Georg's blocked account was no
longer paid to me. The emigrants have now been expatriated, their assets
confiscated. I have insisted that the sum given to me as a gift is my prop-
erty it will be no use. I have long been covering everything outside the
tax exemption limit from my reserves. They were replenished by Georg's
gift. Now there is still 1,000M left. Once that is used up, somewhere about
April, I shall have to sell the house. — The Jews say, by April I shall be in
the Polish ghetto.

New card from Sussmann: He has requested the $5,000 from Georg. He
still believes we could and want to get out.

Paul Kreidl is now working on the railway main line; he says: many
long ambulance trains. — The military reports subdued and obfuscatory:
"Hard battles" in the East and heavy losses for the attacking Soviets; in
North Africa "we are disengaging from the enemy, having repelled his at-
tacks. Above that East Asia plus Goebbels — endless Japanese victories,
inaction and despair of England and America.

In our room for hours yesterday afternoon a minor shooting star from
Katchen's bridge party— a Herr Seliksohn. The man, mid-forties, interest-
ing, but uncongenial mixture. Bom Russian and Talmud Jew, until his
lower school certificate at grammar school in Russia and "learned" at Tal-
mud school. Then in Germany, volunteer at 17, wounded. Then Russian
and Hebrew interpreter, knew Supreme Command East, Vilna, Arnold
Zweig. Then Social Democratic journalist, bookseller, party official, em-
ployed at the Vorwarts. Badly mistreated by the present government.
Now gruesome mixture of Communism and Zionism. Naturally he con-
siders me completely and doubly astray: bourgeois and German. I shall
he says, be a very poor and pitiable "Yid" when I ("in four months for
sure") am sitting in a Polish or Russian ghetto.

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Twelve midday

Katchen Sara, returning from Zeiss-Ikon, has just rushed into the room:
"Brauchitsch and Keitel resigned. Hitler assumes supreme command,
proclamation to army and SS." Jubilation! Christmas present! New hope.
Seliksohn told us the news yesterday evening as unconfirmed rumor, we
must not pass it on to Katchen, we did not believe it either. — Katchen said
Swiss stations had already been broadcasting the news yesterday.

December 23, Tuesday morning

In yesterday's newspaper, a call by the Fiihrer and Goebbels to give all fur
and woolen things, which could be spared, for the Eastern Front; to the
Jews, however, insofar as they wear the star, order circulated through the
Community, all fur and woolen things to be handed over "without com-
pensation" by five o'clock this afternoon— "the authorities will carry out
checks later." (Eva not affected, nevertheless as a precaution [took things]
to Annemarie, because we shall certainly have a house search, because I
literally have nothing to hand over.) — The bitterness at this new robbery
disappears in the heart's joy at the turnabout (cf. the Kreidls' mood, and
Katchen's), because we regard Hitler taking over supreme command as a
turnabout. It does not matter what lies behind it: discord between army
and Party or refusal of responsibility for needless shedding of blood or
whatever: It is a terrible sign of uncertainty, especially as the defeat in 1 the
East is hardly concealed anymore, that in Africa is plain to the whole

W°Hitler's proclamation to the army is a model example of LTI. Excessive
piling up of the Bamum superlatives, underneath it uncertainty, fear. Fa-
natical twice. The form corresponds to the veiled, in part mysterious con-
tent. For consideration: A few weeks ago the Russians were officially
"annihilated." Now they are to be annihilated in the spring. You merely
need to hold on "fanatically" to what you have already conquered. Why
"difficulties" just at this point, when the world power Japan (not great
power) has annihilated!!) the USA's Pacific fleet? Why has the winter m
Russia broken so unexpectedly early? — We, Eva and I, rack our brains:
Have new Russian armies appeared, or has Germany sent troops to an-
other front? To which one? I put my money on American threat to Scandi-
navia from Iceland. But everything remains obscure.

Certainty: He will fall. Uncertainty: (1) When? (2) Before we do?

Evening

Beresin, who delivered cigarettes to us in Dolzschen: Many weeks ago we
were told, he was in the PPD. Later, that he was still inside, no one knew

DECEMBER 1941

453

where or why. Today Katchen brings the secret news from the Commu-
nity: died in a concentration camp, his urn has been sent back. — Ernst
Kreidl is still inside-one has already got used to it (one— but he?), no one
asks much about him anymore.

This afternoon Eva was at Annemarie's. Her very welcome Christmas
present: nearly eight pounds of bread coupons.

December 25, midday

Christmas and house arrest, and for the first time in 38 years no present
for Eva. Nevertheless optimistic mood, because an end now seems in
sight. The news from the East and from Africa daily more threatening. Yes-
terday the strongly vouched-for rumor that the garrison here was put on
alert on the night of the twenty-third to the twenty-fourth— disturbances
feared. Today Paul Kreidl reports, there is a reprint of an Italian article in
die Frankfurter Zeitung which said the situation in the East was "seriou s,"
in Africa "very serious."

Eva had procured a little tree: second Christmas in the Jews' House,
scantier and more optimistic than the first. We celebrated with Katchen
Sara, she donated a bottle of white wine. I got a pair of lined gloves from
Eva and had nothing for her. Today and tomorrow she will eat carp in the
restaurant, if there is still some to have. — Yesterday it was warm with
driving rain all day long, thunderstorm in the evening. Today still stormy,
but changing to snow and cold.

LTL Paul Kreidl rightly says: If "heroes," "heroic," appear in the bulletin,
then it always sounds like an obituary" ("heroic resistance in Africa").

Bamumisms from Hitler's proclamation to the army on assuming
supreme command (signed December 19, not made public until December
22, 41): . . . The armies in the East, after their undying and in world his-
tory unparalleled victories against the most dangerous enemy of all times,
must now, as a result of the sudden onset of winter, change from a cam-
paign of movement into a war of position . . From now until spring,
they must " just as fanatically and tenaciously " hold on to what they have"
gained so far. ". . . With my fanatical will as a simple German soldier I have
succeeded in bringing the German nation together again after more than
fifteen years work and of liberating it from the death sentence of Ver-
sailles ... My soldiers! You will thus understand that my heart belongs to
you . . . but that my reason and my determination know only the annihila-
tion of the enemy, that is the victorious ending of this war . . . But the Lord
God will not refuse his bravest soldiers victory!" Why does Hitler console
with the "annihilation of the Pacific Fleet" — he knows, doesn't he, that it
is as little annihilated as the Russian army? [ . . . ]

How little fellow feeling there is, even for nearest and dearest. Ernst
Kreidl, uncle, in-law, has remained in prison over Christmas. Very sad—
but the Kreidls downstairs display a cheerful optimism, as do we. —

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Richard Katz, the father-in-law, the cavalry man, ill for months, success-
fully operated on a couple of weeks ago, is now tormented and con-
demned: His wife hints, with barely an attempt at concealment, that he is
suffering from cancer of the bladder and will be "in agony for years yet,"
but cannot be saved. Very sad — but the sense of optimism, the cheerful
mood in the Kreidl household is no more subdued than ours. [ . . . ] I am
hardly any younger than he is, I can be laid low tomorrow, as he is laid
low today. Just produce another three works: Curriculum, Eighteenth
Century and LTI! Vanitatum vanitas!

December 27, Saturday evening

On the twenty-fifth still storm and rain, since yesterday snow and frost.
The Jews' House detention from December 24 till January 1 with excep-
tion of the shopping hour means in fact complete seclusion on December
25, 26, 28 and January 1 as days of rest. On the twenty-fourth and twenty-
fifth I did not leave the house, yesterday evening I walked three times
round the snow-covered house inside the garden fence, at midday today
was at Wasaplatz to buy potatoes.

Today I finished writing the chapter "War's End." My Curriculum
achievement this year is very limited. [ . . . ] In total (including the prison
study) I have managed about 160 manuscript pages (= 300 printed pages in
the format of the literary history), all of it the war; but only the pieces up to
and including Kovno have been typed and are the final version, about half
therefore. It is my intention to get the last chapter. Private Lecturer During
the Revolution," down in outline in these last days of December and then
to complete it by February 12. After that I shall attempt to borrow a type-
writer and in about two months prepare a final version of the remainder of
the volume. And beyond that I shall not make any further plans.

The general situation has not changed during the holidays. Heavy and
disastrous battles everywhere; withdrawals and defeats in Russia and
Africa concealed behind tarted-up Japanese victory reports.

December 28, Sunday

Continuing snowfall, frost.

Psychology of the Jews' House. We were imprisoned for two days and thus
cut off from any news; after that yesterday's newspaper with telegrams
very unfavorable to Hitler. Then in the evening Paul Kreidl came up "to
discuss the situation" (an expression I introduced), in truth to let out his
feeling of happiness. The thought of becoming free raised his spirits enor-
mously. What was, what he planned before the 3rd Reich, what he plans
now ("that is, if they don't" — gesture of throat cutting). The Sport House
Kreidl on the Altmarkt; the father, died '34, was still essentially a clothing

DECEMBER 1941

455

Jew, he, Paul Kreidl, co-owner, then heir to the firm, dealt in sporting
goods, was a fencer. Things flourished, twelve companies divided up the
trade. Joint purchasing, this cartel kept three factories busy making swim-
suits, bought 300,000, bought for 45 pfennigs what the retailer sold for 80
pfennigs. Finally, however, the factories themselves began to sell directly
to the customers. (Witt, for example, the mail-order company, from which
Eva bought so much.) Paul Kreidl's plans before the debacle: "A sports
travel agency with professional advice from well-known sportsmen. (To
be accounted for as advertising, the man given advice for free, buys 500M
worth of goods from me.) A Sport House in which the various sports as-
sociations have their offices; develop our catalog into a monthly maga-
z*ne- Our own factories, first a ski factory, and our own shops. — Once
the change comes, 1 11 first of all go to a ski factory for a year as a worker.
There s a man in the Black Forest who’s grown big because of us, with
whom I've remained in touch— it's all agreed, he'll take me on. Later other
goods as well — in 10 years I'll make a fortune for myself, just as my father
rose after 1918. — Enforced disarmament and with it a boom in sports will
come again as after 1918. — I have my plans, sometimes I feel so com-
pletely sure of success and everything is easy; sometimes I think I shall
achieve nothing." — I told Paul Kreidl that I've felt like that for almost
forty years with every book.

Other Jews' House themes: Dr. Friedheim, the embittered, arrogant
banker, and his Catholic housekeeper, Fraulein Ludwig. Katchen Sara's
petit bourgeois jealousy of Fraulein Ludwig.

December 30, Tuesday

Frau Voss said yesterday: "At five o'clock in the morning on the tram to
Zeiss-Ikon. Alone, driver sees star, soldier jumps on, recognizes the driver
as a friend, does not notice me. The two greet each other boisterously, how
is it going, I look the other way, try to be inconspicuous. 'You know, Emil,
if we even just had a potato out there. Just eat our fill.' — 'We've got it up
to here too. Man, out there in Russia, it's hell — wild horses won't get
me away from here again — I know what I'm going to do . . / He notices
me, gets the shock of his life, can't say a word. — The driver, laughing: 'It's
all right, you can talk . . .' I had to laugh too. I get off. Driver and soldier
wave and call: "Good-bye, all the best!" - 1 don't think Katchen Sara in-
vents such stories or even embroiders them.

December 31, Wednesday

Resume. Work: the war section of the Curriculi, Alphons School till the
end of the war, half of it only in manuscript (cf. December 27), the prison
piece. The whole year long like a prisoner, not even longer summer

456

I WILL BEAR WITNESS

walks possible, the situation ever more constrained and dangerous. The
larger part of Georg's 3,000M gift lost. (200M installments, after 1,400 con-
fiscation of emigrants' accounts; of these 1,400 at least 600 lost in taxes.)

Heaviest blow, heavier than the prison week in summer: the Jew's star
since September 19, '41. Since then completely cut off. Eva does all the
shopping, frequently eats alone in town at midday, cooks every evening
for us. A lot of housework, washing up, scouring pots falls upon me. Re-
stricted to a very few shopping errands on Chemnitzer Platz. Sitting at
home for days on end. — Since about a month ago definite reversal in the

war situation and increasing hope.

We celebrated New Year's Eve downstairs with the Kreidls, the wife of
the imprisoned landlord was also there. (Friedheim, ill and bad-tempered,
was not one of the party.) Very friendly reception, touching hospitality. Tea
with cakes— then vermouth— toward twelve a real punch bowl. I made a
serious little speech, so serious that when we toasted one another my
hand was trembling. Hitler, the "Bamum of hell," as a proper circus direc-
tor is always out for the "never before seen," thus instead of the usual
seven lean years he had given us eight; this eighth could no longer be
called lean, but a skeleton, since the mountains of corpses in the East were
stinking to high heaven.

That it was our most dreadful year, dreadful because of our own real
experience, more dreadful because of the constant state of threat, most
dreadful of all because of what we saw others suffering (deportations,
murder), but that at the end it brought optimism— I quoted widely: nil
inultum remanebit. My adhortatio was: Head held high for the difficult
last five minutes!

NOTES

1933

January 14— Rectoral election: The Technical University (TU) in Dresden had
elected its rectors since 1890, when the original Royal Saxon Polytechnic at Dres-
den was awarded university status. Until the 1936-37 academic year the rector
was elected annually.

Reuther: Dr. Oskar Reuther (1880-1954) was Professor of the History of Architec-
ture at the TU from May 1920. He was rector in 1932-33 and 1933-34.

our section: Until 1941 the Dresden TU was divided into sections. The chairs, in-
stitutes and collections were grouped in these sections. Victor Klemperer was
made Professor of Romance Languages in the General Section of the TU in 1920.

Whispering Committee": The rectoral elections were often discussed confiden-
tially in advance.

Beste: Professor Theodor Beste was Dean of the Cultural Sciences Section.

the house: At his wife's insistence Victor Klemperer had bought a plot of land in
the village of Dolzschen, southwest of the city center, on which to build a house.

Eva's obsession: Eva Klemperer, nee Schlemmer (1882-1951), from Konigsberg, a
pianist and musicologist, was Victor Klemperer's first wife. They were married in

The Hueber court case: The dispute with the Max Hueber publishing house in Mu-
nich evidently arose from the difficulties presented to the printers by Klemperer's
handwriting (typescripts were still rare at the time).

the Image of France": "Das neue deutsche Frankreichbild 1914-1933. Ein his-
torischer Uberblick" finally appeared in two parts in East Germany in 1961 and

Liesel Sebba: Julius Sebba had been a friend of the Klemperers since Victor Klem-
perer's days as a journalist before 1914 in Berlin. Julius Sebba was a lawyer bom in
Konigsberg. Over the years the whole Sebba family had been drawn into the
friendship — including Liesel Sebba.

458

NOTES

the young Kohlers: Johannes Kohler, a young probationary teacher of German and
Religion, and his wife, Ellen, were for a long time among the Klemperers' closest
friends.

January 24— Annemarie: Dr. Annemarie Kohler, surgeon at the Johanmter (St.
John's) Hospital in Heidenau. In 1937 moved to Pima, near Dresden. Old friend of
the Klemperers from their Leipzig days (1918).

Harms circle: A group of journalists in Leipzig whom Klemperer had gotten to
know during his war service as military censor.

February 21— Hitler's appointment: President Hindenburg appointed Hitler
Chancellor (i.e., prime minister) on January 30, 1933, as head of a coalition gov-
ernment.

Blumenfelds: Professor Walter Blumenfeld taught industrial psychology at the
Pedagogical Institute (i.e., teacher training institute).

German Nationals: Deutschnationale Volkspartei, a "respectable" but anti-
democratic conservative party. Coalition partners with the Nazis in Hitler's early
administration. The party dissolved itself in June 1933.

Who wiU have the majority?: The Reichstag was dissolved on February 1, 1933,
and elections were set for March 5.

the Thieles: Fritz Thiele was also one of the Harms circle.

the Kohlers, the "respectable" ones: The young Kohlers were married, unlike
Annemarie Kohler, who lived with the doctor, Friedrich Dressel. The Klemper-
ers jokingly distinguished between the "respectable" and the "unrespectable"
Kohlers.

Wengler: Heinrich Wengler, teacher of Italian at the TU.

Young Frau Kuhn: Wife of the historian Professor Johannes Kuhn.

Breit: James Breit, a professor of law at the TU.

the beautiful Maria: Maria Kube, a former maid of the Klemperers, who kept in
touch even through the most difficult times.

Baeumler: Professor Alfred Baeumler (1887-1968). In 1928, Chair of Philosophy
and Pedagogics in Dresden; 1933, Professor of Political Pedagogy in Berlin. Direc-
tor of the Scholarship Section in the office of Alfred Rosenberg ("Commissioner of
the Fiihrer for the Supervision of the Mental Training and Education of the Na-
tional Socialist German Workers' Party, NSDAP").

NOTES

459

Knek. Professor Ernst Kriek, educationalist, founder of the Nazi theory of educa-
tion.

March 10— Reichsbanner: A paramilitary organization set up to defend the con-
stitution and the republic. It was supported by the "Weimar" parties— Social
Democrats, Democrats, Zentrum— as well as by the Free Trade Unions. Essentially,
however, it was a Social Democratic and trade union organization.

the clumsy business of the Reichstag fire: It is now known that the Reichstag fire
was, in fact, the work of the lone Dutch anarchist, Marinus van der Lubbe, who set
the building alight in protest against the Nazis. The latter were, however, immedi-
ately able to capitalize on the arson.

the Democrats: The German Democratic Party (DDP), a left-liberal party, whose
size and influence had progressively shrunk in the course of the polarization of the
Weimar years. In 1930 it had even gone so far as to amalgamate with the right wing
Jungdeutscher Orden (Young German Order). By March 1933, it was no more than
a shadow of the party that had won 18.6 percent of the vote in the first election of
the Weimar Republic.

Zentrum: Catholic party. It had been of considerable significance in German poli-
tics since the Kulturkampf against the Catholic Church, initiated by Bismarck in
the 1870s. Contained a wide spectrum of views from traditionalist conservatives to
moderate-left trade unionists.

Dembers: Professor Harry Dember, physicist, and his wife, Agnes.

Horst Wessel: Wessel (1907-1930) was a Nazi Party/SA man and a petty criminal,
active in the Berlin district of Friedrichshain. He was killed in a dispute with a
pimp who was close to the Communist Party. Turned into a martyr by SA and
NSDAP. A song he wrote — known as the Horst Wessel Song — became the Party
anthem and after 1933, a second German anthem.

the dramaturge Karl Wolf: Wolf was senior dramaturge at the Schauspielhaus (the-
ater) in Dresden.

the whole Saxon cabinet: Under the Weimar constitution, the various German
states (Bavaria, Thuringia, Prussia, etc.) had their own governments within a fed-
eral system.

Que sais-je? (French): "What do I know?" Klemperer's favorite quotation from
Montaigne.

Frau Schaps with the Gerstles: The Klemperers knew the Gerstles through Julius
Sebba. Hans Gerstle, brother-in-law of Julius Sebba, was director of a flavored-
coffee factory. Jenny Schaps was his mother-in-law.

460

NOTES

March 17— the Weisseritz: A small tributary of the Elbe. Dresden, famously, is sit-
uated on the latter river.

the Thiemes: Johannes Thieme, whom the Klemperers had known since their
Leipzig days, came to stay with them in 1920 and became their foster child soon
after. For many years he called them father and mother.

SA men: SA, an abbreviation of Sturmabteilung, the Nazi paramilitary organiza-
tion (the Brownshirts). Saw itself as the guardian of the radical aims of the Nazi
revolution. Its power was broken in the purge known as the Night of the Long
Knives. After that the SA was essentially an organization of Nazi activists.

Sachsenwerk: A large engineering plant in Dresden.

Okrilla: Small town north of Dresden.

Commissioner Killinger: Manfred von Killinger, Reich Commissioner for Security
and Order in Saxony; he was personally involved in many crimes.

March 20— Father: Dr. Wilhelm Klemperer (1839-1912), rabbi in Landsberg an
der Warthe and Bromberg; from 1890 second preacher of the Jewish Reform Com-
munity in Berlin.

"Act of State of March 21": Often called the Day of Potsdam. Hitler had chosen
the Gamisonkirche (garrison church) in Potsdam, which had many associations
with the Prussian monarchy, for the Reichstag opening ceremony. The formal
handshake between Hitler and Hindenburg on the "Day of Potsdam" was sup-
posed to demonstrate the convergence of "Prussianism" (Preussentum) and Na-
tional Socialism.

Ebertstrasse: Ebert was the first president of the republic and a Social Democrat.
March 21— Freiheitskampf: "Struggle for freedom."

March 22— Wend Kathe: Member of a small Slav minority in the Lausitz area
northeast of Dresden. Today usually referred to as Sorbs.

March 27— four "respectable" Kohlers: The young Kohlers, Ellen and Johannes,
and their parents. Their father was a railway station inspector.

March 30— the National Socialist boycott: A general boycott of Jewish shops and
stores — there had been haphazard and violent local boycotts— was announced in
the Volkische Beobachter (the main Nazi paper), effective from 10 a.m. on Saturday,
April 1.

Stahlhelm revolt: The Stahlhelm ("steel helmet") was a paramilitary organization
of First World War and Freikorps veterans. (The Freikorps were quasi-legal mill-

NOTES

461

tary formations deployed in the years after the First World War to protect German
interests in Eastern Europe and to suppress working class unrest within Germany.)
It was associated with the German National People's Party and therefore distinct
from the SA and SS of the Nazi Party. On March 27, 1933, armed SS and police
units took action against an alleged putsch attempt by the Stahlhelm in Braun-
schweig (Brunswick). On March 28 the Stahlhelm was prohibited. The ban was
lifted on April 1. The organization was incorporated into the SA on April 26.

Dr. Salzburg's: Friedrich Salzburg, lawyer and notary.

Herr Wollf: Professor Julius Ferdinand Wollf was for many years chief editor and
publisher of the Dresdener Neueste Nachrichten.

March 31— the impressive letter: Klemperer is presumably referring to the appeal
by the nationalist Reich Association of Jewish War Veterans.

Gusti Wieghardt's: Dr. Auguste Wieghardt-Lazar (1887-1970), author of books for
children and young people, moved from Vienna to Dresden in 1920. From 1939, in
exile in England, returned to Dresden in 1949.

April 3 since Lugano: Because of Eva Klemperer's deepening depression, the
couple had taken a holiday in Lugano (March 9-28, 1931), which, however, only
worsened her condition.

April 7— Albert Hirsch: Hirsch had been a student friend of Klemperer's in Mu-
nich.

April 10— the Meyerhofs: Victor Klemperer's friendship with the Meyerhofs
dated from his time as an apprentice in Berlin. Hans Meyerhof was a fellow ap-
prentice, and Klemperer remained in touch with the family.

April 12— Hugenberg: Alfred Hugenberg was a right-wing press and media
baron in the Weimar Republic; he became leader of the German National People's
Party.

Oberfohren: Ernst Oberfohren (1881-1933), leader of the parliamentary group of the
German Nationals. A memorandum he wrote on February 27, 1933, published in the
Manchester Guardian on April 29, alleged that the Reichstag fire had been deliberately
started in accordance with a plan drawn up by Goebbels. On March 29 Oberfohren
was forced to resign his seat, and he committed suicide some weeks later.

limpieza de la sangre (Spanish): "Purity of blood."

April 25— the Wieghardts: Auguste Wieghardt-Lazar and her stepson Karl
Wieghardt.

462

NOTES

April 30— that Georg had to go: Klemperer's eldest brother. Professor Georg
Klemperer (1865-1946), eminent physician; at Moabit Hospital, Berlin, from 1906;
forced to "retire" from all his posts on May 4, 1933.

Frau Lehmann: The Klemperers' cleaning woman.

May 15— Delekat: Professor Friedrich Delekat, pastor. Later a prominent member
of the Bekennende (Confessional) Church, that part of the Lutheran Church that
tried to maintain its autonomy within the Nazi state. It was openly critical of the
Nazis' racial measures in particular. Some ministers became active resisters.

Kreuzkirche: Oldest church in Dresden; rebuilt in the baroque style and restored
after the destruction of the Second World War.

Rudiger: Klemperer had used his acquaintanceship with Gertrud von Rudiger, a
junior member of the TU's German department, to ask her brother, a major in the
Reichswehr (the regular army), to use his influence on behalf of Hans Hirche.

May 22-May 16 — The Klemperers were married in a civil ceremony on May 16,
1906.

Since Hitler's peace speech: On May 17, 1933, Hitler made his so-called "peace
speech" to the Reichstag, in which he presented his foreign policy program.

June 17— Berthold: Victor Klemperer's brother, a lawyer in Berlin, who died in
1931.

coordination: The usual translation of Gleichschaltung, the Nazi term for the sub-
ordination of all aspects of public life, including professional associations, to the
Nazi Party.

Schemer: Hans Schemer had also been part of the Leipzig circle.

D'altra parte (Italian): "On the other hand."

the Wenglers: Heinrich Wengler and his sister Ellen.

delightful Kiepura film: Jan Kiepura, Polish singer and comic actor, bom 1902; in-
ternational career from 1926; performed in opera throughout Europe and North
and South America. First film appearance in Berlin, 1930. After 1940, worked
largely in the United States.

I. Elbogen: Professor Ismar Elbogen (1874-1943), author of the highly regarded
Geschichte der Juden in Deutschland (History of the Jews in Germany).

Otto Klemperer: The conductor Otto Klemperer (1885-1973) was a cousin of Victor
Klemperer's.

NOTES

463

June 29 — First meeting 1904.

June 30 — Reka: Rezidenzkaufhaus, a department store in Dresden.

July 20— the ceremony at the grave of the "Rathenau eliminators": On June 24,
1922, Walther Rathenau, the German foreign minister, was assassinated in Berlin
by right-wing terrorists, partly because he was identified with a policy of fulfill-
ment of the Versailles Treaty obligations but above all because he was a Jew.
From 1930, after the Nazi Wilhelm Frick (later Hitler's Minister of the Interior)
became Minister of the Interior in the state of Thuringia, ceremonies were held at
Burg Saaleck, on the anniversary of the assassination, to commemorate the
killers. Two of the assassins had been tracked down there and killed in a gun-
fight with the police.

July 28 — Gesslerhut: Reference to Schiller's play Wilhelm Tell. To humiliate the
restless Swiss, Gessler, the Imperial governor in Schwyz, commands them to show
as much respect to his hat mounted on a pole as to his own person.

That must have been before 1900: Adolf Wilbrandt's tragedy Timandara was not, in
fact, performed until 1903.

Gumbinnen: Town in East Prussia; scene of a Russian victory at the beginning of
the First World War. Soon to be followed by devastating defeats at the battles of
Tannenberg and the Masurian Lakes. Prisoners of war from the armies of the Cen-
tral Powers held in Siberia were unable to return to Europe immediately after
1917-18, when Russia dropped out of the World War because of the Russian Rev-
olution and Civil War.

August 10— Stepun: Professor Fedor Stepun (1884-1965); expelled from the
USSR 1922; Professor of Sociology in Dresden 1926-37. Taught Russian intellectual
history in Munich from 1947.

August 19 — Lossnitz: Now part of Radebeul to the northwest of Dresden.

serve . . . during the war: Victor Klemperer was a volunteer and first served with
the Field Artillery on the Western Front; subsequently attached to the Censorship
Section of Supreme Command East, first in Lithuania, then in Leipzig.

Michel: As John Bull was/is to England, so der deutsche Michel (the German
Michael) — a plain, honest German — was/is to Germany. A representative carica-
ture, essentially ot the early- to mid-nineteenth century, Michel is usually pre-
sented wearing a nightcap and as being a bit slow on the uptake, easily exploited
by smarter nations.

the whole Jewish business of Lowenstein & Hecht: From 1887 to 1890, Klemperer
was a commercial apprentice in this export company located in Alexandrinnen-
strasse in Berlin.

464

NOTES

September 6— Walter Jelski: Klemperer's nephew, son of his sister Marta.

Hettner: Hermann Hettner (1821-82), a liberal scholar of art and literature, was
one of Klemperer's great models and stood in contrast to the nationalist views that
dominated German scholarship of French literature.

Alliance israelite: Alliance israelite universelle (AIU), an international association
founded in Paris in 1860, whose aims were to promote equal rights for Jews, to aid
persecuted and oppressed Jews, and to finance and support educational establish-
ments and scholarly research.

September 19— "blood flag" of 1923: Flag borne at the head of the column of in-
surgents during Hitler's failed putsch in Munich in 1923. The attempt to seize
power was brought to an end when police opened fire, killing several of the
marchers. The Nazi Party subsequently proclaimed the latter "martyrs," by whose
blood the flag was supposedly stained.

October 9 — the business with the pacifist Gumbel: During the Weimar Republic,
Emil Julius Gumbel (1891-1966), professor of Statistics at Heidelberg, published
several widely read books on right-wing extremist plots and assassinations. He
was the subject of constant vilification.

Karen Michaelis: Danish writer (1872-1950); sheltered a number of German emi-
gres, including Bertolt Brecht, at her house on the island of Thuro.

Ulich: Professor Robert Ulich (1890-19 77), assistant secretary in the Saxon Min-
istry of Education, chair at Dresden TU. He and his wife emigrated to the United
States.

the three Sussmann daughters: Lotte, Hilde and Kate, daughters of Klemperer s
youngest sister, Wally (1877-1936), who was married to Martin Sussmann, a doc-
tor.

Erich Miihsam (1878-1934): Author, journalist, anarchist, bohemian. Arrested Feb-
ruary 1933, murdered July 1934 in Sachsenhausen concentration camp, at Oranien-
burg near Berlin.

"Memories": Klemperer's memoirs, on which he began work in 1938, were pub-
lished posthumously in 1989 under the title Curriculum Vitae.

October 23— "German Christians": Organization of Nazi Christians that was es-
tablished before 1933. After the Nazi seizure of power it attempted to gain control
of the Protestant churches in Germany and infuse them with the spirit of the Na-
tional Socialist revolution. Partly through a mixture of force and fraud the Nazi
Christians won control of important church offices in July 1933. This led to a large

NOTES

465

number of pastors setting up an informal organization, known as the Confessional
Church, to oppose state intervention in church affairs. The German Christians
were weakened by factionalism and internal disputes and faded into relative in-
significance. The Nazi leadership was, in fact, not really interested in any kind of
Christianity and given time would probably have embarked on determined re-
pression of the Christian churches.

withdrawal . . . plebiscite . . . election: Germany withdrew from the League of Na-
tions on October 19, 1933. A plebiscite to give assent to the one-party state and a
Reichstag election were held on November 12. The turnout was 95.3 percent and
the Nazis received 95 percent of the votes cast.

"Winter Aid": The Winter Aid was a social work program organized by the Nazis
during the winter months on behalf of the needy. A large part of the funds was raised
by public collection, involving members of various Nazi organizations rattling cans
and demanding donations as a sign of commitment to national regeneration, etc.
The Winter Aid campaigns were supervised by Goebbels' propaganda Ministry.

"National Work": Klemperer is probably referring to campaigns of job creation.

The November criminals: Popular derogatory term on the Right. It conflates the
collapse of the Imperial government and the revolution of November 1918 with the
democratic parties that accepted the conditions of the Versailles Peace Treaty.

November 2 — Iduna: A large insurance company.

Janentzky: Professor Christian Janentsky (1886-1968), a colleague of Victor Klem-
perer's after the Second World War.

November 11 — Frau Mark: Wife of a machine-tool manufacturer who was a
friend of Harry Dember's.

Siemensstadt: District in Berlin where the principal factories of the Siemens elec-
trical engineering company were — and to some extent still are — situated.

Rasser brothers: Should be Strasser brothers. Gregor Strasser (1892-1934), member
of the Nazi Party from 1921; took part in the Munich putsch, 1923; involved in the
attempt to establish a separate party in North Germany, 1925. Became head of pro-
paganda for the whole of Germany in 1926. At the end of 1932 he advocated Nazi
participation in a coalition government under the leadership of Kurt von Schlei-
cher. He was subsequently sidelined and removed from all his offices. Murdered
on the Night of the Long Knives, when the leadership of the SA was eliminated.
Otto Strasser (1897-1974), under the influence of his brother, joined the Nazi Party
in 1925; an advocate of an opening to the Left and of an anti-capitalist program, he
broke with Hitler in 1930. Left Germany in 1933 and did not return until 1955.

466

NOTES

November 14 — "London says": The BBC.

December 31— "Tout est possible, meme dieu" (French): "Everything is possible,
even God."

Vossler: Professor Karl Vossler (1872-1949). Klemperer was Vossler's student in
Munich before the First World War. Vossler was a decisive influence on Klem-
perer's decision to study the history of literature and language in the context of the
history of culture as a whole.

1934

January 1 — Sinclair Lewis: Klemperer was reading Lewis' novel The Trail of the
Hawk (first published 1915, translated into German 1933).

January 27 — the peace agreement with Poland: The German-Polish Non-
Aggression Pact of January 26, 1934, committed both signatories to the peaceful
settlement of differences, initially for ten years. The agreement was abrogated by
Germany on April 28, 1939.

the Corridor: Usually referred to as the Polish Corridor. A strip of land allocated to
Poland by the Treaty of Versailles, which gave the reconstituted state access to the
Baltic Sea. However, as a result, the German province of East Prussia was sepa-
rated from the rest of the country. In Germany, this was regarded as one of the
most unreasonable impositions of the 1919 peace settlement.

Victor and Victoria: A 1933 musical comedy, written and directed by Reinhold
Schunzel, a half-Jewish filmmaker who continued working in Nazi Germany be-
fore fleeing to Hollywood where he scraped out a living playing Nazi heavies. The
film is now considered a classic. Blake Edwards made a new version in 1982 under
the title Victor (Victoria with Julie Andrews in the title role.

February 2 — the "Jew" Preuss: Hugo Preuss (1860-1925); constitutional lawyer
and cofounder of the Democratic Party (DDP). Drew up the draft constitution of
the new German republic (1919). Proposed abolition of Prussia, which occupied
two thirds of the territory of the Reich, and the creation of fourteen "free states"
of approximately equal size; however, on this issue his arguments did not prevail.

Lettres juives: Les lettres juives by Jean-Baptiste de Boyer, Marquis d'Argens
(1703-1771), French writer and philosopher. D'Argens was a freethinker, whose
work challenged authoritarian religion and scholasticism.

February 15 — the heavy fighting in Austria: Brief civil war, most of the fighting
taking place in Vienna between February 12 and 14, 1934. The Austrian chancellor

NOTES

467

Dollfuss— usually referred to today as a "clerical Fascist"— provoked an uprising
by part of the Social Democratic paramilitary force. Social Democratic strongholds
in the capital were attacked and captured by right-wing paramilitaries and Aus-
trian government troops. Subsequently, all political parties except Dollfuss7 Fa-
therland Front were banned.

February 16 — Reich Governor Mutschmann: Martin Mutschmann, lace manu-
facturer from Plauen; Gauleiter (Nazi title for head of a Gau or province) of Saxony
from 1925 to 1945. (Before 1933, of course, he was in charge only of the Nazi Party.)

February 21— with a prominent scar by his right eye (did not go to a university):
The wound is not a dueling scar, "won" as a member of a right-wing student fra-
ternity.

Mecklenburg: Then, as now, a largely rural state in northern Germany.

March 2 — Councillor of Commerce: Courtesy title given to prominent business-
men.

Leonie Meyerhof-Hildeck: Author; wrote as Leonie Hildeck (1858-1933).

Anselma Heine: Author (1855-1930); wrote under the pseudonyms Anselm, Selma
or Feodor Heine.

March 19 — qualified yourself: In German universities a special postdoctoral
qualification, known as a habilitation, is required before an academic can be con-
sidered for a faculty appointment.

March 25— Cassirer: Philosophic der Aufkldrung (The Philosophy of the Enlighten-
ment). Ernst Cassirer (1874-1945) was an influential philosopher; he emigrated in
1933 via Britain and Sweden to the United States.

Grete: Grete Riesenfeld (1868-1942), Victor Klemperer's eldest, widowed sister.

Martin: Dr. Martin Sussmann, husband of Klemperer's sister Wally; physician.

April 24— Delille's Gardens: Jacques Delille (1738-1813), French poet, made fa-
mous by his didactic poem The Gardens. Klemperer's study appeared in 1955
under the title Delilies Garten , ein Mosaikbild des 18. Jahrhunderts (Delille's Gardens,
a mosaic of the eighteenth century).

June 13 — Coueist: From Coueism, autosuggestion or self-hypnosis, after fimile
Coue (1857-1926), a pharmacist and therapist, whose approach was characterized
by use of autosuggestion, including frequent use of the formula "Every day, and in
every way, I am becoming better and better."

468

NOTES

Freudenheim-Bloch: Helene Bloch, nee Freudenheim, dentist, grew up, like Eva
Klemperer, in Konigsberg. She was married to Joseph Bloch, editor of the Social
Democratic Sozialistische Monatshefte, who died in Prague on December 14, 1936.

Par nobile fratrum (Latin): "What noble brothers/' ironic phrase taken from the
Satires of Horace (3, 243).

Rust, the Reich Education Minister: Bernhard Rust (1883-1945), teacher; 1933-34,
Prussian Minister of Culture; 1934-35, Reich Minister for Science, Education and
National Instruction. He committed suicide on May 8, 1945.

SA chief Rohm: Ernst Rohm (1887-1934) had risen to the rank of major during
World War I; active in the Freikorps, he participated in the suppression of the Mu-
nich Councils Republic. Early supporter and advocate of Hitler, introduced him to
bourgeois nationalist circles in the Bavarian capital. Built up the Nazis' paramili-
tary force (SA), very close to Hitler, but also a rival, since under his leadership the
fighting organization retained a degree of autonomy from the Party. Absent from
Germany 1925-30. After his return he was increasingly in conflict with Hitler be-
cause he was opposed to the latter's concept of a "gradual revolution" under cover
of legality.

"do what is necessary": In June 1934, a "holiday" of one month was decreed for the
SA in order to prevent "uncontrolled" actions.

y todo (Spanish): And everything.

DLZ: Deutsche Literatur Zeitung (German Literary Newspaper.)

June 15— bellum judaicum (Latin): "The Jewish War. An allusion to Josephus
The History of the Jewish War, which described the Jewish Revolt against the Ro-
mans a.d. 66-70 and was written shortly after the events. In his book on the lan-
guage of the Nazi dictatorship, LTl, Klemperer entitled a chapter "The Jewish
War." In it he wrote: "The Jewish War! The Fiihrer did not invent it, and he cer-
tainly did not know anything about Flavius Josephus, he simply some time or
other picked up from a newspaper or a shopwindow of a bookstore that the Jew
Feuchtwanger had written a novel called The Jewish War."

July 14— "Rohm Revolt": Usually known in English as the Night of the Long
Knives. On June 30 and July 1, 1934, Ernst Rohm and other senior figures of the SA
were shot on Hitler's orders for supposedly planning an uprising. Hitler used the
occasion to eliminate a number of other political opponents including the former
chancellor, Kurt von Schleicher, Gregor Strasser, Erich Klausener (Catholic Action)
and Edgar Jung (a friend and colleague of von Papen). At a stroke, the SA lost its
power and the way was open for Hitler to come to an agreement with the only re-
maining non-Nazi force in the country, the army. The SA ceased to be an unpre-

NOTES

469

dictable paramilitary organization with — sometimes — left-populist leanings. From
then on Hitler would rely on the army and the SS. The latter was a tightly disci-
plined elite force and much more single-mindedly oriented toward racial issues.

Theodor Wolff: Wolff (1868-1943) was chief editor of the daily Berliner Tageblatt
from 1906 to 1933. He emigrated to France but was arrested by the German occu-
pation authorities in 1943. He was sent to Sachsenhausen concentration camp but
died in the Jewish Hospital in Moabit, Berlin.

Jan van Leyden: Leyden (1509-1536) was one of the leaders of the Anabaptist re-
volt in Munster, 1534-35, during the Reformation. The Anabaptists believed they
were founding the kingdom of a thousand years. Leyden was executed in 1536.

Rienzi: Cola di Rienzo (1313-1354); Tribune of the People in Rome; in 1347, ex-
pelled the leaders of the aristocratic party and proclaimed the revival of the
Roman Republic. He was brought down by the opposition of the pope, regained
power in 1354 but was killed in a popular uprising. Rienzi is the eponymous hero
of Wagner's first successful opera.

scilicet tertii imperii (Latin): Naturally, of the Third Reich.

July 27— Dollfuss killed: Engelbert Dollfuss (1892-1934), Austrian politician;
modeled his Christian Social Party on the Italian Fascists. Chancellor 1932,
crushed the Social Democratic Party in a brief civil war in February 1934. He was
murdered in an attempted putsch by the Vienna SS July 25, 1934.

July 29— Colonel Hindenburg: Colonel Oskar von Hindenburg (1883-1960), Pres-
ident Hindenburg's son, who used his influence on his increasingly senile father to
have Hitler appointed Chancellor.

Papen: Franz von Papen (1879-1969); right wing Zentrum (Catholic Party) leader.
Chancellor June-December 1932; vice-chancellor in Hitler's cabinet 1933-34. Papen
was one of the conservatives who gave Hitler his chance of power in the belief that
they could use the Nazi Party to destroy democracy and the threat from the Left
while continuing to be in control themselves.

August 2— Franz Joseph: Austrian Emperor Franz Joseph II who died in 1916
after reigning 68 years.

August 4 — plebiscite will take place: Hitler had announced a referendum for Au-
gust 19, the purpose of which was to confirm him as head of state by popular assent.

August 7 — the Hindenburg-Tannenberg ceremonies: President Field Marshal
Paul von Hindenburg (1847-1934) was laid to rest at the memorial at Tannenberg
in East Prussia to the German victory over the Russians at the end of August 1914.

470

NOTES

Hindenburg, called out of retirement, had been the commander of the German
forces. The engagement was immediately followed by another German victory, the
Battle of the Masurian Lakes.

General Reichenau: Walther von Reichenau (1884-1942); Reichswehr general; key
figure in the secret rearming before 1933 and of the subsequent integration of the
army into the Nazi state.

September 4 — black-white-red one: The flag of the pre-1918 German Empire,
rather than the Nazi flag with the swastika or the black-red-gold flag of the consti-
tutional republic.

Gustav Adolf: Usually called Gustavus Adolphus in English texts. Swedish king
(1594-1632) who intervened against the imminent victory of the Imperial and
Catholic forces in the Thirty Years' War. He defeated the Imperial forces under
Wallenstein at Lutzen in 1632. Although he himself was killed in the battle, it
founded the period of Swedish dominance in Northern Europe. The immediate ef-
fect of his intervention, however, was to prolong the Thirty Years' War, bringing
even greater destruction and misery to the population of Central Europe.

September 12— Du cote de Voltaire, Du cote de Rousseau (French): "From
Voltaire's side. From Rousseau's side."

September 27 — Forseche si, forseche no (Italian): "Maybe yes, maybe no."

Trude Ohlmann: Loyal friend from the Klemperer's Leipzig days.

HJ: The Hitler Jugend, youth organization of the Nazi Party, frequently abbrevi-
ated to HJ.

September 29 — as far as the Pucelle poem: "La Pucelle d'Orleans," mock-heroic
poem (1755) by Voltaire about Joan of Arc.

Lettres persanes: "Persian Letters" by Montesquieu (1721).

October 6— Don Carlos: Play (1787) by Friedrich von Schiller, which intertwines
the oppressiveness of the court of Philip II of Spain with the oppression of the
Netherlands under Spanish rule and makes a plea both for freedom of the senti-
ments and for political freedom.

October 8 —Frankfurter Zeitung: Leading liberal newspaper (founded 1856), par-
ticularly in the Weimar Republic. Survived until 1943, though by then a mere
shadow of its former self.

Blubo: Abbreviation of Blut und Boden "blood and soil," itself a condensation of a
central tenet of Nazi ideology, the rootedness of race in particular landscapes or
territories.

NOTES

471

October 10— Fedor Mamroth: Theater critic and novelist, died 1907. Klemperer
wrote about him more than once in the years before the First World War.

October 14— Good Templar: Organization founded in 1852 in the United States
to combat the evils of alcohol; it subsequently spread throughout the world.

October 30— William Tell: The play by Schiller.

November 20 — Lettres provinciates: Les provinciates ou lettres ecrites par Louis de
Montalte a un provincial de ses amis . . . , "Letters to a Friend in the Provinces"
(1656-57) by Blaise Pascal.

December 4— Gaspary: Italian Dante scholar; author of a literary history of Italy.

December 16— Saar Plebiscite: After the First World War (Versailles Treaty) the
coal and steel region of the Saar had been placed under League of Nations admin-
istration for fifteen years. The plebiscite of 1935, determining the territory's future,
produced a 90 percent vote in favor of return to Germany.

December 30— June 30 da capo (Italian): Perhaps a repeat of June 30 (Night of the
Long Knives).

cio& (Italian): "To wit."

1935

January i, 1935— Lutze's New Year message to the SA: Viktor Lutze (1890-1943)
was chief of staff of the SA after the execution of Ernst Rohm.

February 9— Max Liebermann: Liebermann (1847-1935) was perhaps the best
known German painter of the early twentieth century. An artist often associated
with Berlin, where he largely lived, he was enormously successful in his own life-
time. Today, his naturalistic scenes of labor and Impressionist landscapes and gar-
dens can seem a bit tame, though his portraits and self-portraits still retain
considerable force.

February 13— all of Wassermann: Jakob Wassermann (1873-1934), German nov-
elist. Among his works is the autobiography Mein Weg als Deutscher und Jude ("My
Path as German and Jew") published in 1921.

Roth, the Austrian officer novel: Joseph Roth's novel Radetzky March.

the Galsworthy trilogy: John Galsworthy's The Forsyte Saga, first published in Ger-
man in 1933.

472

NOTES

the second part of Morath: Klemperer probably means Morath verwirklicht einen
Traum ("Morath realizes a dream"), the second of two Morath novels by Max Rene
Hesse (1885-1952), adventurer, physician and author.

February 21— Bayle: Pierre Bayle (1647-1706), French philosopher famous for
his Dictionnaire historique et critique, which expresses skepticism of orthodox
Christianity and advocates religious tolerance. The "Dictionary" was much ad-
mired by Klemperer. It consists largely of quotations, anecdotes, commentaries
and erudite annotation. This oblique method of subversive criticism was adopted
by the eighteenth-century Encyclopedists, and Klemperer saw a revival of the
"Encyclopedic style" in the way information was received and read under the
conditions of dictatorship. The approach of the Dictionnaire also influenced
Klemperer's own work on language and ideology in Nazi Germany, which cul-
minated in the book LTI "Lingua tertii imperii," published in 1947.

"Confessional Front": The Confessional Church officially came into existence in
May 1934 at the Synod of the Protestant Church in Barmen. (See notes for May 15
and October 23, 1933.)

The Commune: A term widely used in Germany for the Communist Left.

February 27— a little Hoche: Klemperer was reading the autobiography of Alfred
Erich Hoche (1933), a psychiatrist in Freiburg.

March 4— the Esprit des Lois: "De l'Esprit des Lois," Montesquieu's treatise on the
theory of the state, published in 1748.

cunctator (Latin): The irresolute or procrastinating person.

March 17— Weissberger: Arnold Weissberger (1898-1952) lived in the same pen-
sion in Munich as the Klemperers in 1919. Studied chemistry, went into research,
was about to qualify as a university teacher in 1933 but emigrated to England and
later to the United States.

April 17— Der Sturmer: Nazi paper, founded in 1923, devoted to anti-Jewish hate
stories and illustrations. It was published by Julius Streicher (1885-1946) who was
sentenced to death at the Niimberg war crimes trials.

"The Jews are our misfortune": Phrase coined by the nineteenth-century historian
Heinrich von Treitschke.

Kovno: Now usually given as Kaunas, a city in Lithuania.

Munchener NN: Munchener Neueste Nachrichten, a Munich daily newspaper.

April 22— the "election victory" in Danzig: In the Danzig election of April 7, 1935,
the National Socialists won a majority. Danzig, now Gdansk, a port city at the

NOTES

473

mouth of the Vistula, within the band of territory known as the "Polish Corridor,"
allocated to Poland by the Versailles Treaty. Danzig, however, was declared a Free
City and placed under the authority of the League of Nations, (a) because its pop-
ulation was overwhelmingly German, (b) so that Polish exports and imports
would nevertheless flow through it without restriction. The Poles, however, built
a new port a few miles along the coast — Gdynia.

Stresa: In April 1935, provoked by the reintroduction of universal conscription in
Germany, which broke the conditions of the Versailles Treaty, Italy, France and
Britain came to an agreement, known as the Stresa Front, to counter German ex-
pansionist aims. The Front came to nothing, first because of the Anglo-German
Naval Agreement, by which Britain assented to German naval expansion and sec-
ond, because Italy invaded Abyssinia, in direct opposition to British and French in-
terests.

May 4— Tillich: Paul Tillich (1886-1965), theologian; 1929, Professor of Philoso-
phy at Frankfurt am Main University; emigrated to the United States in 1933 and
taught in New York and Chicago.

May 7 — Anhalter Bahnhof : Until the destruction of the Second World War and the
decisive division of the city in 1961, one of the main railway termini of Berlin.

May 15— "Je ne peux ni ne veux etre autre chose . . etc. (French): "I cannot nor
do I want to be anything other than German" into "I have never thought of being
anything other than German."

Curtius: Ernst Robert Curtius (1886—1956), distinguished scholar, particularly of
French literature and culture and comparative literature.

May 30— Privy Councillor Demuth: Secretary in Zurich of the "Notgemeinschaft
deutscher Wissenschaftler im Ausland" ("Emergency Society of German Scholars
Abroad").

June 11— Bastei: Beauty spot in the Saxon Switzerland southeast of Dresden, an
area noted for its unusual sandstone rock formations.

"family record": A document including genealogical details, i.e., proof or other-
wise of "racial purity."

July 21 — m'ont devance mes neveux (French): "My nephews have outstripped
me."

Reymont's: Wladyslaw Stanislaw Reymont (1867-1925), author of The Peasants
(first published in Poland 1902-09). Reymont won the Nobel prize for literature in
1924.

474

NOTES

August 11— in Plauen: District of Dresden immediately below Dolzschen and not
the town of the same name.

September 16— Blomberg: Werner von Blomberg (1878-1946), general. As Min-
ister for the Reichswehr, he had the army swear allegiance to Hitler after President
Hindenburg's death. From 1935, Minister of War and commander in chief of the
Wehrmacht (i.e., the renamed armed forces). Made Field Marshal 1936. Discharged
in 1938 for a marriage inappropriate to his position.

Reichenau: See note August 7, 1934, p. 470.

Fritsch: Werner, Freiherr von Fritsch (1880-1939), general. As commander in chief
of the army 1935-38, bore a large part of the responsibility for German rearma-
ment. In 1937, he and Blomberg expressed reservations about Hitler's expansion-
ist policies. In 1938, excluded from the army for alleged homosexuality,
subsequently cleared by a court of honor but not fully rehabilitated.

September 17— laws on German blood and honor: The annual congress of the
Nazi Party in Niimberg concluded on September 15 with a session of the Reich-
stag that passed three laws— the so-called "Niimberg Laws"— including the "Law
for the protection of German blood and German honor.

Schiwe sizn (Yiddish): The custom of sitting on a low stool at home for a week after
the death of a close relative.

October 5— Lessing: Gotthold Ephraim Lessing (1729-81); playwright, critic and
esthetician. Nathan the Wise is his most famous play.

Memel: Coastal strip of East Prussia, detached from Germany by the Versailles
Treaty to allow Lithuania access to the sea, it was seized by the latter in 1923. Ger-
many pressed for return of the territory, but Hitler was not able to compel its rein-
corporation into Germany until March 1939.

Beginning of the Abyssinian War: On October 3, 1935, Italian forces attacked
Abyssinia, advancing from the colonies of Eritrea and Somalia.

on the Biickeberg: Hill near Hameln; from 1933 to 1937, on a slope forming a nat-
ural amphitheater, the main festival of harvest thanksgiving was held here with
Hitler present. The ceremony symbolically linked peasantry and state.

October 19— BDM: Bund Deutscher Madel: "League of German Girls," the girls'
section of the Hitler Youth.

October 26— In Greek mythology, Laocoon, a priest, offended the gods. He and
his two sons were punished by being crushed to death by two great sea serpents.

NOTES

475

October 31— Have begun Rosenkranz: Karl Rosenkranz's Diderots Leben und
Werke ("Diderot's Life and Work"), two volumes (Leipzig, 1866). In his Literary
History , Klemperer describes this work as "fundamental and unsurpassed by any
subsequent general monograph."

November 9— who fell at the Feldhermhalle in 1923: Those killed in the course
of the Nazis early attempt to seize power in Munich in 1923.

the capital city of the movement: Munich.

Hitler's thanks to the Stahlhelm, which has just been dissolved: From June 1933,
members of the right-wing Stahlhelm under the age of 35 were incorporated into
the SA; in April 1934, the remainder of the Stahlhelm was renamed the "National-
sozialistischer Frontkampferbund" ("National Socialist Veterans Association"), The
Stahlhelm was finally dissolved in November 1935. Its leader Franz Seldte
(1882-1947) had been appointed Reich Commissioner for the Labor Service in 1933.

November 11 the Naumann Jews: In 1921 Max Naumann founded the militant,
right-wing Association of National German Jews, which called on Jews to surren-
der their Jewish identity. Naumann was hostile to eastern Jews whom he described
as "dangerous immigrants from the East" and as harmful bacteria in the body of
the German nation, racially and intellectually far inferior to German Jews. Nau-
mann also attacked the Zionists. In 1935 the Gestapo dissolved the Association be-
cause of attitudes supposedly "hostile to the state."

Heinz Machol: The son of Klemperer's sister Hedwig who had died in 1901.

December 31— Oberammergau: Village in the Bavarian Alps in which a famous
passion play is performed every ten years.

Agnes: Had for many years been the Klemperers' maid.

comme si de rien n etait pas (French): "As if nothing were wrong."

the Cacouac supplement: In his Geschichte der franzosischen Literatur im 18 Jahrhun-
dert (History of French Literature in the C18, Vol. 1), in a chapter entitled "The op-
ponents," Klemperer describes how Jean Nicolas Moreau's Cacouac became the
epitome of mockery of the Enlightenment philosophers and Encyclopedists.

1936

February 11— a Jewish student: By assassinating the Nazi official Wilhelm Gust-
loff on February 4, 1936, the student, David Frankfurter, wanted to avenge the
murder of Jews in Germany.

476

NOTES

the Olympic Games: The Winter Olympics, which in 1936 were held in Garmisch-
Partenkirchen in Bavaria.

March 6— Felix's eldest: Kurt, son of Felix Klemperer, no longer saw any possi-
bility of becoming a lawyer in Germany and left for Brazil in 1934.

Betty Klemperer: Felix Klemperer's widow, went to Cleveland, Ohio.

March 8— the occupation of the Rhineland: Under the Versailles Treaty, the
Rhineland was demilitarized and placed under Allied military occupation. The Lo-
carno Treaty (October 1925) brought a guarantee by Britain and Italy, and signa-
tures by France, Belgium, and Germany, of the post-1919 frontiers between the
three signatories, and the demilitarization of the Rhineland. In 1936, Hitler used the
excuse of the Franco-Soviet pact to declare the Locarno Treaty void and to order
German troops into the demilitarized zone. There were only weak foreign protests.

March 23— the Kroll Opera is called the Reichstag: After the Reichstag fire, the
new Nazi "parliament" used the Kroll Opera House, which was less prestigious
than the other Berlin opera houses, for its sessions.

March 31— the plebiscite: The plebiscite on March 29, 1936, on the remilitariza-
tion of the Rhineland resulted in a 99 percent vote in favor.

April 24 — Zaire: Tragedy (1732) by Voltaire.

Heiss: Heiss was Klemperer's predecessor both at the Technical University and in
owning a car.

dawke or proprio (Yiddish and Italian): Effectively an expression of defiance—
"now or never."

May 3 —Contrat social: Rousseau's "The Social Contract" (1762).

May 10 — Schlageter: Albert Leo Schlageter (1894-1923). Active in right-wing mil-
itary organizations (Freikorps) after 1918. During the 1923 French and Belgian oc-
cupation of the Ruhr, he was arrested for sabotage, sentenced to death by a French
military court, and shot. Presented as a martyr in nationalist propaganda.

May 16— the Hindenburg offensive: The German offensive in the early weeks of
the war that repelled the Russian incursion into East Prussia and culminated in the
German victories of Tannenberg and the Masurian Lakes.

May 21— d'une passion dSvorante (French): "With a consuming passion."

May 24— after his return from Lenin: Klemperer's brother Georg was repeatedly

NOTES

477

summoned to Moscow by the Soviet government during 1922-23 to treat Lenin.
The distinguished doctor gave an exact diagnosis of Lenin's illness.

June 28 — Blum: Leon Blum (1872-1950) founded the Socialist Party with Jean Jau-
r&s in 1902 and reestablished it in 1918. As prime minister of France, 1936-37, he
earned out fundamental social reforms and banned Fascist paramilitary organiza-
tions. Arrested by the Vichy government in 1940 and imprisoned in German con-
centration camps 1943-45. He was prime minister once more in 1946-47.

Litvinov-Finkelstein: Maksim Maksimovich Litvinov (1876-1951); People's Com-
missar for Foreign Affairs 1930-39. Advocate of a system of collective security to
oppose the threat of Nazi Germany and Fascist Italy. His real name was Meier
Walach and not Finkelstein.

Emile: Novel (1762) by Rousseau.

July 16— Auerbach: Erich Auerbach (1892-195 7); his foremost work. Mimesis: The
Representation of Reality in Western Literature , was first published in 1946 while
Auerbach was still a professor in Istanbul and before he moved to the United
States.

Dimillenario Orazione. Stet Capitolium fulgens. (Italian and Latin): Two-
thousandth birthday of Horace. "May the Capitol still stand as a beacon."

Triple Alliance: Alliance between Germany, Austria-Hungary and Italy before
1914. In 1915, Italy broke with its partners and declared war on them, since the Al-
lies promised it territories claimed from Austria-Hungary.

Ignazio Silone's: Silone (1900-1978); Italian writer, whose first novel, Fontamara,
was published in German in 1930 and attracted a great deal of attention.

July 17 — Miinchner Platz: The police prison at Miinchner Platz.

Croce. Benedetto Croce (1866—1952); Italian philosopher, historian and politician. Be-
fore Fascism, Croce was minister of education several times. From 1943 to 1952
leader of the Liberal Party. Klemperer had met him in 1914, when he was teaching in
Italy.

League of Nations sanctions and then the victory in Abyssinia: When Italy in-
vaded Abyssinia in October 1935, the League of Nations imposed rather ineffec-
tual sanctions on the aggressor, which did not prevent Italy from suppressing
resistance and occupying the country by May 1936 (capture of Addis Ababa).

July 18 — KDF: Kraft durch Freude "Strength through joy." The name of the Nazi
leisure organization which, among other activities, organized cheap mass travel.

478

NOTES

July 30 Heidenau gave us : The "unrespectable" Kohlers in Heidenau.

E conomie politique: Rousseau's De Veconomie politique (1755).

August 13 — the Danzig business has only been postponed: The German claim for
Danzig to be reincorporated in the Reich was expressed with increasing vocifer-
ousness after the Nazi Party won a majority in the city government in 1933.

Gamelin: Maurice Gustave Gamelin (1872-1958); commander-in-chief of the
French armed forces, 1938-10; from September 1939, commander-in-chief of Allied
forces in France.

The third Napoleon began his war of desperation over Spain: The Franco-Prussian
War of 1870-71, which began when Napoleon III, losing popularity at home, was
easily provoked by the German chancellor, Bismarck, into declaring war over the
question of succession to the Spanish throne.

August 24— Darre: Walter Darre (1895-1953); Nazi Minister for Food and Agri-
culture 1933-42.

September 5 — Deutsche Biicherei: Deutsche Biicherei ("German Library") in
Leipzig, one of the deposit libraries for German-language publications.

September 9 — The Jewish Cultural Leagues: The Cultural League of German
Jews was founded in Berlin in June 1933 and subsequently in other cities. On April
27, 1935, all the local organizations were forcibly amalgamated into the Reich As-
sociation of Jewish Cultural Leagues. In 1936, the Association had 168 branches in
Germany with 180,000 members.

September 27— Lilly Jelski de Gandolfo: Eldest daughter of Klemperer's sister
Marta Jelski.

Erzgebirge: "Ore Mountains"; low mountain range on the border of Germany and
Czechoslovakia to the southwest of Dresden.

Galicians: Jews from the former Austrian province of Galicia in present-day south-
ern Poland and northeastern Ukraine.

e pagato (Italian): "It's been paid for."

October 10— Use Klemperer: Daughter of Klemperer's brother Felix.

cf. the happy times of 1906: 1906 was the year the Klemperers married; at that time
they were living in Berlin.

con gU amici (Italian): "With his friends."

NOTES

479

October la— Milch: Erhard Milch (1892-1972), Field Marshal; 1933-44, State Sec-
retary in the Reich Air Ministry; 1941-44, Inspector-General of the Luftwaffe. In
1947 Milch was tried and sentenced to life imprisonment by a U.S. Military Tribu-
mal in a proceeding subsequent to the International Military Tribunal in Num-
berg. He was released in 1954.

Mary Wigman: Wigman (1886-1973) was a pioneering performer and teacher of
modem dance.

November 24 — Creizenach: A standard work on modem drama by Wilhelm
Creizenach.

the Spanish affair: After Francisco Franco began his revolt against the legitimate
center-left Spanish government, he was given military support by Germany, Italy
and Portugal. The Franco regime was recognized as the Spanish government by Ger-
many and Italy on November 18, 1936, while the Civil War was still being fought.

Fiamme dal del (Italian): "Flames from heaven" (i.e.. May fire fall from heaven).

Renner's: A department store in Dresden.

December 13— Der Bettelstudent: The film has a theme that occurs in a number of
German films at this time — the Polish struggle against Russia.

New Year's Eve 1936— Friz Mauthner: Mauthner (1849-1923) was a philosopher
and writer, famous, above all, for his book Der Atheismus und seine Geschichte im
Abendland (Atheism and Its History in the Occident).

Muncker: Franz Muncker (1855-1926), Professor of History of German Literature
in Munich for over 40 years; supervised Klemperer's doctoral thesis.

Hermann Paul: Paul (1846-1921) was a Germanist; professor in Freiburg and Mu-
nich.

Professor Pringsheim: The musician Klaus Pringsheim (1883-1973) was a pupil of
Gustav Mahler and was for many years musical director of the Max Reinhardt the-
aters in Berlin; from 1931 he was conductor and teacher at the Imperial Conserva-
tory in Tokyo. Pringsheim was Thomas Mann's brother-in-law.

1937

January 10— speech on January 18: On the anniversary of the establishment of
the German Empire, that is, of a unified Germany, on January 18, 1871.

April 25— In lingua veritas (Latin): "The truth lies in language"; Klemperer is
varying the old saying "in vino veritas" (the truth lies in wine) originally derived
from the Greek poet Alkaios.

480

NOTES

May 12— Landsberg: Landsberg an der Warthe, today Gorzow Wielkopolski in
Poland, a town to the east of Berlin. Landsberg is the setting of Christa Wolf's au-
tobiographical novel A Pattern of Childhood.

When the zeppelin was destroyed: In 1937, the German airship LZ 129 (the Hin-
denburg) caught fire as it was docking at Lakehurst, N.J., near New York, and was
completely destroyed. The disaster brought to an end trans-Atlantic passenger
flights by airship.

May 22— to the dean of Bonn University : Thomas Mann's letter was addressed to
the Dean of the Faculty of Philosophy at Bonn University. The Dean had informed
Mann that since he had been stripped of German citizenship, his name would be
struck from the list of honorary doctors.

the banned papal pastoral letter: Despite the Concordat concluded between the
Vatican and Nazi Germany on July 20, 1933, the opposition of the Catholic Church
to the Nazi regime's ecclesiastical policies grew. This phase reached a climax with
Pope Pius XI's encyclical, co-authored with the German bishops, "With Burning
Sorrow" (March 1937). The consequence was the arrest of many priests and the ex-
propriation of church publishing houses and presses.

scandalous trials of churchmen: A campaign against monasteries began in May
1936. Two hundred seventy-six members of religious orders were put on trial ac-
cused of homosexual offenses.

June 2— Saint-Simon: Louis de Rouvroy, Due de Saint-Simon (1675-1755); writer
famous for his Memoires; not the later utopian Socialist Henri de Saint-Simon.

the bombardment of Almeria: Ships of the German navy bombarded Almeria,
Spain, in Republican-held territory, on May 31, 1937, in retaliation for an air attack
on May 29 on the pocket battleship Deutschland anchored off Ibiza.

June 11— Cuxhaven: Port and resort at the mouth of the Elbe on the North Sea
coast of Germany, more than 200 miles downstream from Dresden as the crow flies.

June 28— in Albrechtstrasse: In Berlin.

Hedwig's death: Klemperer's sister Hedwig died in March 1891, a few days after
the birth of her first child, Heinz Machol.

Hannele: Play by Gerhart Hauptmann.

Notre commencement soit au nom du Pere qui a fait le ciel et la terre (French).
"Our beginning is in the name of the Lord, who has made heaven and earth

July 19 Nathan: Lessing's play Nathan the Wise, published in 1779 and first per-

formed in 1783, is an Enlightenment plea for tolerance.

NOTES

481

August 6— the Vauvenargues by Lanson: Gustave Lanson, be Marquis de Vauue-
nargues (Paris, 1930).

Monglond: Andre Monglond, Le preromantisme frangais (Paris, 1930).

August 8 Fii-Li: Fiirstenhof Lichtspiele, "Fiirstenhof Movie Theater."

Gordian the Tyrant: Bavarian comedy.

August 17— the agitation of Ahlwardt and Stoecker: Hermann Ahlwardt
(1846-1914) was a populist anti-Semite. Author of numerous publications, he
was sentenced several times for his slanders. Adolf Stoecker (1835-1909) was
Court and Cathedral Chaplain in Berlin; on the extreme wing of the German
Conservative Party "Deutschkonservative Partei," he advocated a militant anti-
Semitism. The two men helped lay the foundations of an anti-Jewish campaign
in Germany. °

August 29-September 5— Riesengebirge: "Giant Mountains"; low mountain
range, sometimes called the Sudeten Mountains, on the border between Silesia
and Bohemia, i.e., present-day Poland and the Czech Republic.

Assekuranz-Bunzl: An insurance company.

September 5— Holtei: Karl Holtei (1798-1880) was a minor German poet and
writer.

September 11— Signum temporis (Latin): "Sign of the times."

the Frankes: In his childhood, Victor Klemperer spent many happy hours with the
family of his uncle Eduard Franke, a brother of Klemperer's mother. Klemperer
was especially fond of his cousin Walter Franke.

September 12— The Volkische Beobachter: "The People's Observer," the official
Nazi Party newspaper, a daily.

October 27— Fanny Lewald: Lewald (1811-1889) was a novelist and storyteller.

Bome: Ludwig Borne. Pseudonym of Lob Baruch; Borne (1786-1837) was a Ger-
man critic and writer from a Jewish family and a leading radical of the period after
the end of the Napoleonic Wars.

Auerbach: Berthold Auerbach (1812-1882), real name Moses Baruch Auerbacher,
was a novelist and dramatist.

Liberalism: In this sense Liberalism is the constitutional movement for German
unity opposed to the reactionary rulers of the various German states.

482

NOTES

Young Germany: Radical literary and political movement of the period before the
1848 Revolutions.

November 28— Zu neuen Uferrt : Detlef Sierck's penultimate film before leaving
Germany, a delirium musical, largely set in Australia; Sierck was ultimately to
reinvent himself as the Hollywood director Douglas Sirk.

December 28— Sholem Asch: Asch (1880-1957) was a Yiddish novelist and
dramatist.

Manacorda: Guido Manacorda was an Italian Germanist; professor at the Univer-
sity of Naples when Klemperer was a lecturer there at the beginning of the First
World War.

d'outre-tombe (French): "From beyond the grave"; probably a playful reference to
Chateaubriand's posthumous Memoires d'outre-tombe.

1938

January 8— the new Fascism in Romania: Klemperer was following the first signs
of such a development in Romania, which culminated in the setting up of a pro-
Fascist royal dictatorship by King Carol II in February 1938; the king established
close relations with Germany.

the Warburg Institute: A research institute whose basis was the library of the his-
tory of art and culture collected by Aby Moritz Warburg (1866-1929). Founded in
Hamburg in 1926, it moved to London in 1933.

January 11— Among the documents: Klemperer included letters and drafts of let-
ters and documents with his diaries.

January 18— Teruel: Scene of very heavy fighting during the Spanish Civil War. A
Republican offensive in the area was repelled and ground recovered by the Franco
forces.

January 31 —Habafiera: Detlef Sierck's (Douglas Sirk) final German film.

February 19 — has dismissed Blomberg and Fritsch: On February 4, 1938, Hitler
shuffled the leadership of state and army. Hitler assumed supreme command of
the armed forces; Blomberg, the Minister for War, was forced out and Walther von
Brauchitsch replaced Fritsch as Commander in Chief of the Army; Wilhelm Keitel
was appointed to the new post of Chief of the High Command of the Armed
Forces; and Joachim von Ribbentrop became Foreign Minister.

Austria is now halfway incorporated: On February 16, Hitler forced Schuschmgg,
the Austrian chancellor, to accept the Nazi Arthur Seyss-Inquart as Minister for the

NOTES

483

Interior and for Security, thus paving the way for the "Anschluss" of Austria to
Germany.

February 23 — Eden is going, Chamberlain is negotiating: Klemperer is referring
to Chamberlain's policy of appeasement, which Eden opposed, and which culmi-
nated in the Munich Agreement later in 1938.

March 1 — Versailles cross: Cross erected after Versailles Treaty (after World War
I) as a sign of mourning for German losses, especially territorial ones.

March 20 — the annexation of Austria: Following an ultimatum from Hitler,
Seyss-Inquart became Austrian chancellor on March 11, 1938, allowing the entry of
German forces and completing the incorporation of Austria into the Third Reich.
Seyss-Inquart thereupon became Reich governor of the Ostmark, as Austria was
now officially to be called.

April 5 — Braunau: Hitler's birthplace in the Austrian province of Upper Austria.

April 10 — The "election" today, the "Day of the Greater German Reich": Hitler
announced a plebiscite on the annexation, or Anschluss, of Austria, to be held on
April 10, 1938. The annexation, which had, of course, already taken place, was
supported by an overwhelming majority.

the proclamation of the Emperor in Versailles: In January 1871, after Prussian-
German victory over France in the Franco-Prussian War of 1870, German unifica-
tion was sealed by the acclamation of Wilhelm I of Prussia as Emperor Wilhelm I
of Germany by the rulers of the German states.

The Conqueror of Berlin: Before the Nazi seizure of power, Goebbels had been in
charge of the Nazi Party in Berlin, and organized both the election and propa-
ganda campaigns there and the street fighting against the Left and the working
class.

April 18 — I read from Sayers: Klemperer is referring to Dorothy L. Sayers' Gaudy
Night.

May 3 — Poveretto d'un re d'ltalia (Italian): "What a poor little king of Italy."

May 25 — The Czech conflict: After the incorporation of Austria, Hitler concen-
trated on the dismemberment of Czechoslovakia.

June 1 — panem et circenses . . . Pro pane circenses (Latin): "Bread and games (cir-
cuses)"— games (circuses) instead of bread.

June 29 — Les enfants, c'est pour les femmes malheureuses . . . et pour les
hommes malheureux (French): "Children are for unhappy women . . . and for un-
happy men."

484

NOTES

Inventory of Assets of Jews: Para 1 of the "Decree on the Registration of Assets of
Jews of April 26, 1938" stipulated that all Jews had to register their total assets at
home and abroad. The assets of non-Jewish spouses also had to be registered, and
the assets of each person required to register had to be declared separately.

July 12 — Harden's: Maximilian Harden (1861-192 7), political journalist who
founded and edited the political weekly Die Zukunft "The Future." He attacked
Kaiser Wilhelm II for weakness and the Emperor's advisers Moltke and Eulenburg
and defended Bismarck. He faced several prosecutions for libel, in which he was
largely successful. After the First World War, he became a radical Socialist. He sur-
vived an assassination attempt in 1922.

Sudeten Deutsche Partei: "Sudeten German Party/' the name of the Nazi Party in
German-speaking areas of Czechoslovakia before the dismemberment of the
country as a result of the Munich Conference.

July 27 — Now England is intervening in Czechoslovakia on behalf of the Sudeten
Germans: After increasing provocation by the supporters of Henlein, leader of the
Sudeten German Party, the British government sent an observer. Lord Runciman,
to the Sudetenland. Runciman was soon on better terms with Henlein than with
BeneS, the Czech President. Runciman went on to recommend greater autonomy
for the Sudeten Germans, then self-determination.

racial theory and anti-Semitism have been officially instituted in Italy as well: In July
1938, the Italian Fascist state adopted the racial ideology it had previously rejected.

August 10 — all Jewish doctors have been struck from the Medical Register: In ac-
cordance with the "Fourth Decree supplementary to the Reich Citizen Law of July
25, 1938," with effect from September 30, 1938, with the exception of wives and
children through marriage, Jews were allowed to treat only Jews.

An identity card for Jews: This became compulsory in accordance with a procla-
mation of July 23, 1938. It had to be obtained from the relevant police authority by
December 31, 1938.

August 24 — the just published law on Jewish forenames: In accordance with the
Regulation of the Reich Minister of the Interior of August 18, 1938, Jews who were
German citizens or stateless had to bear forenames taken from a list of Jewish
names. If they bore names not on the list, then these had to be suffixed with Israel
or Sara and henceforth used in all business and official correspondence.

September 20 — Chamberlain flies to Hitler for the second time tomorrow: After
two meetings between Hitler and Chamberlain (September 15, 1938, Berchtes-
gaden; September 22, Bad Godesberg), Chamberlain declared that England,
France and the Soviet Union would stand by the Czech people, if Hitler used force.

I

NOTES 485

October 2— a second threatening telegram from Roosevelt: On September 26
Roosevelt appealed to Hitler and BeneS to resolve their dispute peacefully. The En-
glish government then issued a statement saying that it and France strongly urged
President BeneS to cede the territories demanded by Hitler without delay.

Four-power meeting today: On September 29, 1938, Hitler, Mussolini, Chamber-
lain and Daladier, the French Premier, met in Munich without any Czech repre-
sentative being present. It was agreed that Czechoslovakia had to surrender the
Sudetenland and the German-speaking territories on the former Austrian frontier.
Czechoslovakia also had to surrender all military installations to Germany un-
damaged. The German army crossed the frontier on October 1.

October 5— Sudermann: Hermann Sudermann (1857-1928) was a leading Natu-
ralist dramatist and storyteller, very popular in the early part of the century. His
story The Excursion to Tilsit was also the basis of Mumau's famous Hollywood film
Sunrise.

October 9— Jeremias Gotthelf: Gotthelf (1797-1854), a Swiss writer, is one of the
leading German novelists of the nineteenth century.

November 22 — the Griinspan shooting business: On November 7, 1938, Her-
schel Grynszpan, a young Polish Jew, assassinated a senior official of the German
Embassy in Paris to draw attention to the suffering of Jews in Germany. On Octo-
ber 27, without warning, 18,000 Jews of Polish nationality, including relatives of
Grynszpan, had been rounded up and taken to the Polish border and dumped in
no-man' s-land. The Nazis used the assassination as an excuse for the pogroms of
November 9, 1938, the so-called Kristallnacht (Crystal Night).

November 25— Buchenwald, I think: Buchenwald concentration camp had been
set up in June 1937.

the synagogue here had been "spontaneously" burned to the ground: During the
night of November 9-10, 520 synagogues in Germany were wrecked or set on fire.
The crowds that carried out the attacks and arson were usually groups of SA
men, who were also usually able to prevent looting (by any unauthorized groups
or individuals, that is). The police were prevented from intervening, and the fire
brigade was allowed to protect only the homes of Aryans from being damaged by
the synagogue fires.

December 2 the billion-mark fine: "Decree on the atonement payment of Jews
of German citizenship of November 12, 1938. The hostile attitude of Jewry toward
the German people, which does not shrink from cowardly deeds of murder, de-
mands uncompromising measures of defense and hard atonement. In accordance
with the Decree on the Execution of the Four- Year Plan of October 18, 1936 (...) I
therefore decree the following: Para 1 The payment of a contribution of

486

NOTES

1,000,000,000 Reichsmarks to the German Reich is imposed on Jews of German cit-
izenship. Regulations regarding execution will be issued by the Reich Fmance
Minister in consultation with the relevant ministers of the Reich."

December 3 — ghettoization and limitations on the free movement of Jews in
Berlin: On November 28, 1938, the Berlin Chief of Police ordered that German
and stateless Jews were not allowed to enter certain public places and certain
areas of the city. Oews resident in these areas were required to remove them-
selves by July 1, 1939.) The public places listed included all theaters, cinemas,
cabarets, public concert and lecture halls, fairgrounds, all sports stadiums and
fields, and private and public swimming pools. The areas of the city from which
Jews were excluded were mainly those around government buildings in central

Berlin.

December 6 -Die vier Gesellen: The original title is Les gens du voyage, and it was
made by the popular French filmmaker Jacques Feyder (1888-1948).

Police Minister Himmler: Heinrich Himmler (1900-1945) was both head of the SS
and Chief of Police. Later in charge of the "Final Solution" of the Jewish question.

purtroppo (Italian): "Unfortunately.

December 15— Piccolo mondo modemo (Italian): "How small the modem
world is."

New Year's Eve '38— Retif: Retif (or Restif) de la Bretonne (1734-1806), French
novelist.

Berghof: Hitler's retreat above Berchtesgaden in the Bavarian Alps.

1939

January 8— the district of Hultschin: Part of the Sudetenland territories allocated
to Germany by the Munich Agreement.

January 17-Spiero: Heinrich Spiero (1876-1947) was a literary historian and
writer. In 1935 the Nazis appointed him head of the Cultural Association of Non-
Aryans of Christian Confession.

March 14— the Slovakian business: On March 14, 1939, following German mili-
tary pressure, an "independent" Slovakian state was established. On the fifteenth,
German troops occupied the remaining Czech territories, and on the sixteenth, the
latter were transformed into the "Reich Protectorate of Bohemia and Moravia."

NOTES

487

the Wars of Liberation: The term generally used in Germany to describe the cam-
paigns conducted by Prussian forces to overthrow French hegemony after
Napoleon's disastrous invasion of Russia in 1812.

April 7 political touring exhibition: "The Eternal Jew": On March 24, 1939,
Gauleiter Martin Mutschmann opened the propaganda exhibition "The Eternal

Jew" in Dresden. The exhibition had already been seen in Munich, Vienna, Berlin
and Bremen.

April 9— the bloody attack on Albania: On April 7, 1939, Italian troops occupied
Albania and united it with the Italian crown.

April 20— Roosevelt's message: The American president made a final effort to
avert war. On April 15, 1939, he approached both Hitler and Mussolini and re-
quested that they refrain from attacking thirty listed states for a period of ten
years. Further, he proposed the convening of an international conference to dis-
cuss international disarmament and regulating the world economy. Neither Hitler
nor Mussolini gave an official reply to this message.

Hinc impedimentum (Latin): "Hence the difficulty."

May 3— The Polish business: On March 21, 1939, Hitler made certain demands
of Poland: The city of Danzig, whose supreme authority was the League of Na-
tions, was to be reincorporated into Germany and an extraterritorial link to East
Prussia established. (The Versailles Treaty had separated East Prussia from the
rest of Germany, so as to allow Poland access to the sea.) These demands were re-
jected by Poland. On March 23, Hitler forced Lithuania to return the territory of
Memel, which had been under Lithuanian control since 1924. On March 31, 1939,
England and France gave Poland a guarantee of support. On April 28, Hitler ter-
minated the German-Polish Non- Aggression Agreement and the Anglo-German
Naval Agreement.

June 7 celebrating the Condor Legion: The Condor Legion referred to the total-
ity of German armed forces (air, tank, information, and transport units as well as
training groups) deployed to support General Franco during the Spanish Civil
War. After Franco's victory on April 1, 1939, the Condor Legion was welcomed
home by Hitler with a victory parade.

June 20 — sourdement s'aggravant (French): "Getting dully worse."

June 27 Thibaults: Cycle of novels by Roger Martin du Gard (1881-1958), who
won the Nobel prize for literature in 1937; translated into English as The World of
the Thibaults.

July 4— the West Wall: Better known in English as the Siegfried Line.

NOTES

August 14— Pastor Gruber's Office: Heinrich Gruber (1891-1975), Protestant the-
ologian. In 1937, he set up an "Aid Office for Christian Jews" in his parsonage in
Berlin. This was permitted by the state, and the Office helped Jews to emigrate to
the Netherlands. In 1940, Gruber was interned in Sachsenhausen concentration
camp; 1941-43, in Dachau concentration camp. From 1945, Provost of the
Marienkirche, Berlin (East), from 1949 to 1958, he was the official representative of
the Protestant Church in Germany to the government of the German Democratic
Republic (GDR— East Germany).

National Association of Jews: Klemperer writes "Reichsbund der Juden," probably
in error for Reichsvereinigung der Juden in Deutschland, an umbrella organiza-
tion for all Jewish communities, previously called Reichsvertretung der deutschen
Juden.

August 29— the pact with the Russians: A German-Soviet Non-Aggression Pact
was signed on August 23, 1939, with a secret protocol defining each power's
spheres of interest in Eastern Europe.

Ribbentrop: Joachim von Ribbentrop (1893^-1946) was German foreign minister
from 1938 to 1945. He was sentenced to death at the Numberg War Crimes Trial in

1946.

September 10— y en a x (French): "There are any number of them."

September 14— Richter: Martin Richter, Secretary of the Confessing Church.
After the war he was mayor of Dresden.

Pourtalfes: Guy de Pourtales (1881-1941); Swiss-French author.

September IB— Russians march into eastern Poland: On September 17 the Soviet
Union, which had just concluded an armistice with Japan in an undeclared conflict
on the Manchurian-Soviet border, attacked Poland from the east. On September
28, foreign ministers Ribbentrop and Molotov signed a friendship treaty that also
regulated frontiers between the two powers.

September 29 — Vox populi communis opinio (Latin): "The voice of the people is
the general opinion."

October 6-Emil Ludwig: Ludwig (1881-1948) was the author of novel-like bi-
ographies, an essayist, and a playwright. In the 1920s one of the most widely read
authors in the world. His books were among those publicly burned in 1933.

The Cruises of the Goeben: At the outbreak of World War I, the German battle cruiser
Goeben, and its accompanying cruiser, were in the western Mediterranean. The
warships escaped into Turkish waters, were incorporated into the Turkish Navy,
and henceforth saw action in the Black Sea.

NOTES

489

November 12 — the attempt to assassinate Hitler in the Munich Biirgerbrau: On
November 8, 1939, Georg Elser, a carpenter, detonated a homemade bomb in the
Biirgerbrau beer cellar in Munich. Hitler was speaking there at the annual cere-
mony to commemorate the failed right-wing putsch of November 8-9, 1923. The
bomb exploded after Hitler had left the room. Seven people were killed and 63 in-
jured. Elser was arrested as he tried to cross the border into Switzerland. On
Himmler's orders, he was executed on April 9, 1945.

confessional bigamy: At his civil marriage to Eva, Klemperer had provided only
his birth certificate and not his baptismal certificate, and so was married as be-
longing to the "Mosaic Confession."

December 9 — guaio: "Misfortune."

The coupons for gingerbread and chocolate: The sale of chocolate and gingerbread
products to Jews was banned by order of the Minister of Food and Agriculture on
December 2, 1939.

fetch all provisions from one specified place in the city: A circular of September 13,
1939, provided for the "allocation of special food shops for Jews." According to the
circular the mere presence of Jews in food lines was provocative. "No German
could be expected to stand in line with a Jew outside a shop."

December 24 — the Wilbrandt: Klemperer's monograph on Wilbrandt was pub-
lished in 1907 on the occasion of the latter's seventieth birthday.

my Corneille: Klemperer's monograph Pierre Corneille , which was published in 1933.

New Year's Eve '39 — Di doman (Italian): Abbreviation of Di doman non &
certezza "there is no certainty about tomorrow."

1940

January 13 — from among those being repatriated: As part of the Nazi-Soviet pact,
ethnic Germans from areas under Soviet control were voluntarily or forcibly reset-
tled in Germany or German-held territory. There was a similar agreement with
Italy with respect to the South Tirol.

February 11 — Dios dira (Spanish): "God will speak" (i.e.. It's in God's hands).

March 17 — Russo-Finnish peace treaty: After Finland had refused to give way to
demands to allow Soviet troops to be stationed in the country, the Soviet Union at-
tacked on November 30, 1939 (and was expelled from the League of Nations).
After a bitterly fought "Winter War," the Finns were forced to cede territory, in-
cluding Karelia, in a peace treaty signed on March 12, 1940.

490

NOTES

March 31 — The Lublin business: The persecution of the Jewish population of
Poland began immediately on the conclusion of the Polish campaign. In winter
1939-40 Jews from those areas incorporated in the Greater German Reich were de-
ported to the district of Lublin in the so-called "Generalgouvemement," the Nazi
administrative designation for that area of central Poland that had not been incor-
porated directly into Greater Germany. Conditions were chaotic. There was star-
vation and poor hygiene, which gave rise to epidemics. The death rate rose
rapidly. It was at this time too that the first deportations of German Jews (as from
Stettin) to the Generalgouvemement began, though at this point the death camps
had not yet been set up.

May 8 — Pal^ologue: Klemperer was reading Maurice Paleologue's Czar Alexander I.

May 11 — the offensive through Holland and Belgium: Violating the neutrality of
the Netherlands, Belgium and Luxembourg, Hitler launched a surprise attack,
using highly mobile tank formations, with the strategic aim of striking the French
lines of defense at their weakest point.

May 26 — Lanson and Scherer and Meyer: Literary histories and reference books.

May 31 — "Blessing at Cohns": (Gottes Segen bei Cohns) Card game popular in
middle-class families.

the Protectorate: The Nazi designation for occupied Bohemia and Moravia, that
is, the rump of Czechoslovakia, minus the Sudeten German territories and Slo-
vakia, which formally had the status of an independent state but was a German
satellite.

June 11 — Italy in the war: Italy declared war on Britain and France on June 10,
1940.

June 23— the Forest of Compi&gne: On November 11, 1918, the armistice between
Germany and the Allied powers was signed here. To humiliate France, Germany
required the armistice between France and Germany to be signed in the same
place on June 22, 1940.

Foch's Pullman car: In 1918, Foch was Supreme Allied Commander, and the un-
conditional armistice imposed on Germany was signed in his railway car. Follow-
ing the 1940 armistice, it was brought to Berlin as a trophy. (During the Napoleonic
Wars Napoleon's traveling coach was displayed by the victors after his defeat at
Waterloo, while Napoleon himself ordered that the quadriga atop the Branden-
burg Gate in Berlin be transported to Paris after the defeat of Prussia at Jena and
Auerstedt in 1806.)

July 6 — Churchill: Churchill had become British prime minister and defense min-
ister on May 10, 1940.

NOTES

491

Felsenkeller: "Rock cellar."

July 7 Count Ciano: Galeazzo Ciano (1903—1944); Mussolini's son-in-law; Italian
foreign minister from 1936. Argued for Italian neutrality on outbreak of World War
II, helped force Mussolini's resignation in 1943 but fled to Germany and was in-
terned; subsequently handed over to the Italian Fascist authorities, and shot.

July 14— Train upon train with troops . . . was rolling eastward: It has only re-
cently been established that this was not mere rumor. Elements in the German
High Command wanted to launch a surprise attack on the Soviet Union immedi-
ately after the conclusion of the western campaign and began to move forces east-
ward at a time when Hitler apparently saw the decisive blow against Russia being
struck some years in the future.

July 26 — annoscolare (Italian): "School years," i.e., years as a teacher.

August 30 — Pionkowski: Siegfried Pionkowski, former commercial traveler, then
employee of the Jewish Community.

November 7— brutal evacuation of Jews from Wurttemberg: Supposedly as a
preliminary stage to a forced settlement in Madagascar, Jews were deported from
southwestern Germany to the south of France on October 22 and 23, 1940. They
were placed in former internment camps at the foot of the Pyrenees. The continu-
ation of the war in any case made the plan impossible to execute.

Roosevelt's election: In 1940, Franklin Roosevelt was elected to a third term as
United States president, thus defying the convention that United States presidents
served only two terms.

November 11— Molotov's Berlin visit: Molotov had been invited with the aim of
persuading the Soviet Union to join a four-power pact with Germany, Italy and
Japan. Molotov, who was in Berlin on November 12 and 13, 1940, had instructions
not to enter into any new commitments.

November 21— senza niente (Italian): "Without anything."

December 10— Lugano trip: The holiday actually took place in March 1931.

Jew Suss and the Eternal Jew: Anti-Semitic films, the former a feature film, the sec-
ond in the form of a documentary. Both date from 1940 and were produced to pre-
pare the population for more radical measures against Jews.

Herzl's racial theory: Theodor Herzl (1860-1904); Austrian writer and journalist
who was the founder of political Zionism, the aims of which are presented in The
Jewish State. Called the First Zionist World Congress in Basel in 1897 and was
elected first president of the Zionist World Congress. Its goal was the establish-
ment of an independent Jewish national state.

492

NOTES

December 20— (The day will come.): From the Fourth Book of Homer's Iliad:
"The day will come, when holy Troy sinks into the dust."

December 26—Stechlin: Novel by Theodor Fontane (1819-98).

1941

January 31— Krasnow, Endless Hate: Pjotr Nikolajewich Krasnow, Russian writer.

February 13— ccmos e<pn (Greek): "Autos efe" (he says it himself).

February 20— Gobineau: Joseph-Arthur, comte de Gobineau (1816-82) devel-
oped a theory of racial determinism and racial purity that was enormously influ-
ential. He believed that "Aryan" societies flourish to the degree that their racial
character remains undiluted.

February 25 — anzi (Italian): "On the contrary."

March 1— Bulgaria had joined the Tripartite Pact; It had joined the Axis powers.
This occurred on March 1, 1941, after Hungary, Romania, and Slovakia had also
joined the Pact.

March 4—100 Percent: 100%: The Story of a Patriot , title of a novel by Upton Sin-
clair.

March 27— Conclusion of the Tripartite Pact with Yugoslavia: The adherence of
Yugoslavia to the pact on March 25, 1941, led to a coup d'etat two days later. On
April 5, the new government signed a friendship treaty with the USSR. The Balkan
campaign that began on the sixth was now directed against both Greece and Yu-
goslavia. By April 17, the whole of Yugoslavia was in German and Italian hands.
By May 11, Greece had also been overrun despite British assistance.

The Young Germany— the Young Italy of Gutzkow and Mazzini: Young Germany
and Young Italy were radical literary and political movements opposed to reac-
tionary princely rule in the larger and smaller states into which both countries
were divided. Karl Gutzkow (1811-78) was a leading figure in Young Germany;
Mazzini founded Young Italy in 1831 and in 1848, became one of the intellectual
leaders of the 1848 Revolution.

April 10— Bergson's psychology: Henri Bergson (1859-1941) was a French
philosopher who had a great influence on the intellectual life of his time. Klem-
perer entitled the introductory chapter of the second volume of his history of
French literature in the nineteenth and twentieth centuries, "Bergson as Represen-
tative Figure."

NOTES

493

the Wandervogel: Youth movement in German-speaking countries, which began in
Berlin in 1896 and largely involved grammar school youth in an activist ideology
that promoted a return to nature, camping, folk music, etc. The various Wande-
rvogel associations displayed both right- and left-wing elements and tendencies.

April 20-April 21— "system period": Derogatory Nazi term for the democratic
system of the Weimar period.

May 15— Sammy Gronemann: Gronemann (1875-1952) was a Berlin lawyer and
writer and one of the leading figures of the Zionist movement in Germany. In 1924,
he published Hawdoloh und Zapfenstreich (Havdalah and Last Post), humorous
memories of Supreme Command East, and especially of Kovno, during the First
World War. Klemperer also served at Supreme Command East, as did Arnold
Zweig, Herbert Eulenburg and Magnus Zeller, whom Klemperer frequently met.

May 21— They have built a special crematorium: First experiments in gassing
were carried out on Germans classified as mentally ill. The lessons learned were
subsequently applied in the "Final Solution."

May 24— Wilhelm: Wilhelm n, the last German Emperor. When a republic was
declared in November 1918, he went into exile at Doom, in the Netherlands.

Prien's U-boat: Gunther Prien was a submarine commander. In October 1939, his
boat sank the British battleship Royal Oak , apparently in safe harbor at Scapa Flow.
His submarine was sunk on March 7, 1941, during an attack on a convoy.

June 9— the De Gaulle troops have marched into Syria: Free French and British
forces occupied Syria (and Lebanon), then under Vichy French control, and de-
clared it independent. However, Allied forces did not leave until 1946.

June 14 — in vinculis (Latin): "In chains."

June IB— the Biesterfeld man: Bernhard, Prince of Lippe-Biesterfeld (bom in
1911) married Princess Juliana of Orange-Nassau, heir to the Dutch throne, in
1937. He went into exile in 1940 when German forces invaded the Netherlands.

June 22— It's starting with Russia: Hitler attacked the Soviet Union on June 22,
1941.

Poetry and Truth: "Dichtung und Wahrheit," an autobiographical work by Goethe.

July 6— at Schramm's in Wilmersdorf: Klemperer is referring to his years in Berlin
before the First World War.

Par nobile: Par nobile fratrum "What noble brothers."

494

NOTES

Ponten's Students of Lyons: Studenten von Lyon, a novel by Josef Ponten
(1883-1940).

Polizei Presidium Dresden: "Police headquarters Dresden."

Alvenslebenstrasse: In Schoneberg in Berlin.

Misdroy: Resort on the Baltic Coast; today Miedzyzdroje.
de longue haleine (French): "At length and exactingly."

Scientia ancilla theologiae (Latin): "Science is the maid of theology."

Distinguo (Latin-Italian): "I distinguish."

Jan van Leyden in the cage: See note p. 469.

poor Sonja Lerch: In Curriculum Vitae, Klemperer describes the tragic fate of the So-
cial Revolutionary Sonja Rabinowitsch-Lerch, wife of his colleague Eugen Lerch,
who was arrested for agitation against the First World War. She hanged herself
while in custody.

my Leipzig days: Toward the end of World War I, Klemperer was a censor for the
Book Examination Office of Supreme Command East and based in the Deutsche
Biicherei in Leipzig.

Addison: Joseph Addison (1672-1719), best known for his Tatler and Spectator es-
says.

July 9 — Litvinov-Wallach-Finkelstein: The emphasis on obviously Jewish names
was part of the anti-Jewish campaign.

July 12— The widow of Ephesus: Character from Petronius' novel Satyricon.

July 16— he even handed over Thyssen: The industrialist Fritz Thyssen had been
a supporter and financier of Hitler but turned away from Nazism because of its
anti-Catholicism and persecution of the Jews and fled to Switzerland in 1939. In
1941 Thyssen and his wife were arrested in Vichy France, handed over to Germany
and imprisoned in a concentration camp until the end of the war.

July 21— Japan had dropped out of the Triple Pact: This was no more than a
rumor. In the face of the threat of a larger conflict with the Soviet Union, Japan had
simply chosen to concentrate its forces in the southern theater of war with its rich
raw material resources. Japan held to this position after Nazi Germany attacked
the Soviet Union.

NOTES

495

July 26 — Baldur von Schirach: Schirach (1907-1974) was Reich Youth Leader from
1931 to 1940, subsequently Gauleiter in Vienna; he bore responsibility for deporta-
tions of Jews. Sentenced to twenty years imprisonment at the Niimberg war
crimes trials in 1946.

July 27 — New regulations about immigration into the USA: The tightening limi-
tations on the emigration possibilities of Jews came to a climax with a decree from
the Reichssicherheitshauptamt of August 23, 1941. The emigration of Jews was to
be prevented with immediate effect except when permission for individual Jews to
emigrate might be of positive benefit to the Reich.

September 2 — NSV nurse: NSV — Nationalsozialistische Volkswohlfahrt (Na-
tional Socialist People's Welfare), a Nazi health and welfare organization.

September 8 — the introduction of the yellow Jewish armband: The police ordi-
nance on the "Identification of Jews" of September 1, 1941, stipulates:

Para. 1

1. Jews above the age of six are forbidden to show themselves in public without the
Jews' star.

2. The Jews' star consists of a black-edged, six-pointed star of yellow cloth, as large
as the palm of the hand, with the word 'JUDE' in black. It must be clearly visible,
firmly sewn to the left breast of the piece of clothing.

Para. 2

Jews are forbidden, a) to leave the boundaries of the community in which they are
resident, without carrying written permission from the local police authority, b) to
wear decorations, medals or other insignia.

[...]

Para. 4

1. Whoever contravenes the ban in para. 1 and 2, whether deliberately or through
negligence, will be fined up to 150 RM or be given a prison sentence of up to 6
weeks.

2. Further police security measures such as penal provisions, by which a higher
sentence is incurred, remain unaffected."

September 15 — che so io (Italian): "What do I know?"

September 17 — sub specie curriculi (Latin): "From the point of view of the Cur-
riculum."

"sabbath goy": A gentile who takes care of household matters that in a strict reli-
gious household are prohibited to a Jew.

The Jewish Cultural League . . . shut down: The Jewish Cultural League was
banned on September 11, 1941, its property confiscated, and the remaining officials
and employees arrested.

496

NOTES

September 28 — y en a d'autres (French): "There are others."

I also had the worst experiences with . . . Miss Livingstone: There are quite differ-
ent assessments of the work of Miss Livingstone. Elisabeth Gumpert, member of a
banking family in Brandenburg, was able to get her brother Wolfgang out of
Dachau concentration camp and make it possible for him to leave Germany, with
the help of Miss Livingstone. Elisabeth Gumpert: "This brave woman dared go to
Gestapo headquarters in Prinz Albrecht Strasse [in Berlin]. There she kept on ne-
gotiating until Wolfgang Gumpert was first transferred to Buchenwald and then
released." ( Markische Allgemeine Zeitung 12/7/90)

October 1 — the Reich Protector Neurath: Konstantin, Baron von Neurath
(1873-1956), German foreign minister 1932-38, subsequently Reich Protector for
Bohemia and Moravia. Neurath was summoned to Berlin on September 27, 1941,
and forced to resign. He was sentenced to fifteen years imprisonment at the Niim-
berg War Crimes Trial but was released in 1954.

SS Obergruppenfiihrer Heydrich: Reinhard Heydrich (1904-42) was head of the
Reichssicherheitshauptamt (effectively chief of the Security Police). He was assas-
sinated by resistance fighters parachuted into Czechoslovakia. In retaliation, in
June 1942 the German authorities razed the village of Lidice and massacred the
male inhabitants.

id aiunt (Latin): "It is said."

Alba: Fernando, Duke of Alba (1507-82), ruthless Spanish general who carried out
successful campaigns of conquest in Europe. Notorious above all for his attempts
to crush the Dutch in their war of independence against Spain.

October 7 — A chaplain . . . with the Jews' star on his vestment: A rumor that dis-
torts the courageous actions of the Catholic bishop of Berlin, Bernhard Lichten-
berg, who repeatedly preached against the persecution and deportation of the
Jews during 1941. He was imprisoned for some time and died as he was being
taken to Dachau concentration camp.

October 9 — Vieillard (French): "Old man."

Commovente (Italian): "Touching."

C'est bien peu pour un sergeant (French): "It's not much for a sergeant," i.e., I
haven't really achieved much.

October 25 — deportations of Jews to Poland: On July 31, 1941, Goering appointed
Heydrich to take charge of the "Total solution of the Jewish question in the German
area of influence in Europe." Goering's letter states, among other things: "In addi-

NOTES

497

tion to the task already entrusted to you by decree of January 24, 1939, of achieving
the most favorable possible solution to the Jewish question in the form of emigra-
tion or evacuation, depending on circumstances, I now hereby charge you with ef-
fecting all necessary preparations, whether organizational, practical or material, for
a total solution of the Jewish question in the German area of influence in Europe."

"Litzmannstadt": A Nazi invention as Germanization of the name of the Polish town.

Proof of Ancestry: A Proof of Ancestry (Ahnenpass) was required of all Germans
to demonstrate their Aryan "blood."

November 2— Count Galen: Clemens August, Count von Galen (1878-1946), was
Bishop of Munster in Westphalia from 1933. He spoke out publicly against the
church and racial policies of the Nazi regime, in particular, euthanasia.

November 11 — Trotsky-Braunstein: In Curriculum Vitae , Klemperer noted that
during the First World War the Leipziger Neueste Nachrichten newspaper regularly
referred to "Herr Trotsky-Braunstein" or even "Herr Trotsky-Braunstein, the Tal-
mudic scholar" among other anti-Semitic designations.

November 18— supported by a Goebbels article: In an article of November 16,
1941, entitled "The Jews are to blame," Goebbels had once again justified the de-
portation of the Jews: "The Jews wanted their war and now they've got it. But now
the prophecy, which the Fiihrer made in the German Reichstag on January 30,
1939, is also coming to pass, that if international finance Jewry should once more
succeed in plunging the nations into a world war, the result will not be the Bol-
shevization of the earth and the victory of Jewry, but the extermination of the Jew-
ish race in Europe. We are even now living through the consummation of this
prophecy and the fate of Jewry is thereby fulfilled, one that is indeed hard, but
more than deserved. Pity or even sorrow is quite misplaced. . . ."

November 28 — Anti-Comintern Pact: On November 25, 1941, the Anti-Comintern
Pact was renewed in Berlin for a further five years. Germany, Japan, Italy, Man-
chukuo (the Japanese puppet state in Manchuria), Hungary and Spain were joined
by seven new members.

November 30— Germany's wars '64, '66, '70: The German-Danish War of 1864,
the Austro-Prussian War (or German Civil War or Seven Weeks War) of 1866, and
the Franco-Prussian War of 1870-71.

December 4 — Peter Schlemihl: Character in the story of the same name by the
German Romantic writer Adelbert von Chamisso (1781-1838). The hero forfeits his
shadow to the devil.

December 7 — Frau PI ... : Frau Paul. Klemperer presumably altered the name —
somewhat transparently — for safety's sake.

498

NOTES

December 9— Japan declared war . . . on the eighth (or seventh?): On December
7, 1941, the Japanese launched a surprise attack on the American naval base at
Pearl Harbor in Hawaii, destroying a significant part of the American Pacific Fleet,
though not its aircraft carriers. The United States and Great Britain thereupon de-
clared war on Japan on December 8, 1941.

December 17— "More light" or "plaudite": "More light" were supposedly
Goethe's last words on his deathbed. "Plaudite" (Latin) is a reference to the sup-
posed words of the Roman Emperor Augustus on his deathbed, "Clap your ap-
proval, if the performance pleased you."

December 22— Arnold Zweig: Zweig (1887-1968) was a notable German-Jewish
writer and novelist. Among his many works is a cycle of novels utilizing his expe-
riences at Supreme Command East.

"Brauchitsch and Keitel resigned": After the opening of the Soviet winter offensive
on December 5, 1941, the falling back of the German forces and Hitler's call for "fa-
natical resistance," it was only a matter of time before the German army command
was deprived of power. Brauchitsch resigned and Hitler himself took over as
Commander in Chief of the Army. However, Keitel never resigned his position
until the surrender of May 1945.

December 31— nil inultum remanebit (Latin): Meaning that nothing will go un-
punished.

adhortatio (Latin): Words of encouragement.

CHRONOLOGY

1881— Victor Klemperer bom in Landsberg an der Warthe (today Gorzow
Wielkopolski in Poland) on October 9. Father: Rabbi Dr. Wilhelm Klemperer;
mother: Henriette Klemperer (nee Franke).

1884— The family moves to Bromberg (today Bydgoszcz in Poland).

1890— The family moves to Berlin to 20 Albrechtstrasse, in the old center of the
city. His father becomes second preacher of the Berlin Reform Congregation.

1893 — Attends the French Grammar School in Berlin.

1896 — Attends the Friedrich-Werdersche Grammar School. The family moves to
26 Winterfeldstrasse in the Schoneberg district of Berlin.

1897— Begins a commercial apprenticeship in the haberdashery and fancy-goods
export company of Lowenstein & Hecht at 2 Alexandrinnenstrasse.

1900-1902 — Attends the Royal Grammar School in Landsberg an der Warthe, and
takes the final examination.

1902-1905 — Studies philosophy, and Romance and German philology in Munich,
Geneva, Paris, and Berlin.

1905- 1912 — Works as a journalist and writer in Berlin.

1906 — Marries Eva Schlemmer, a pianist and musicologist.

1912 — Takes up his studies again in Munich.

1913 — Takes his doctorate with Franz Muncker. Embarks on his second stay in
Paris. Studies Montesquieu for an habilitation thesis (qualification as university
teacher).

1914 — Completes his habilitation under Karl Vossler.

1914-1915 — Becomes an assistant at the University of Naples as a private, un-
salaried lecturer of the University of Munich.

500

CHRONOLOGY

Publishes two-volume work, Montesquieu.

1915 — Serves at the front as a volunteer from November 1915 until March 1916.

1916- 1918— Works as a censor in the Book Examination Office of the Press Sec-
tion of the Military Government of Lithuania, first in Kovno then in Leipzig.

1919 — Named an associate professor at the University of Munich.

1920- 1935 — Appointed a professor at the Technical University, Dresden.

1923— Publishes Modeme Franzdsische Prosa (Modem French Prose).

1925- 1931— Authors Die franzdsische Literatur von Napoleon bis zur Gegenwart
(French Literature from Napoleon to the Present) in four volumes (new edition is-
sued in 1956 under the title Geschichte der franzosischen Literatur im 19. und 20.
Jahrhundert [History of French Literature in the 19th and 20th Centuries]).

1926— Publishes Romanische Sonderart. Geistesgeschichtliche Studien (Romance Par-
ticularity. Studies in Intellectual History).

1929 — Publishes ldealistische Liter aturgeschichte. Grundsdtzliche und anwendende
Studien (Idealist Literary History. Basic and Applied Studies) and Modeme Franzd-
sische Lyrik (The Modem French Lyric).

1933 — Pierre Corneille is published.

1935 — "Retired from his duties'' in accordance with the Law to Re-establish a Pro-
fessional Civil Service.

1945-1947 — Reappointed a professor at the Technical University Dresden.

1947 — Publishes LTI—Notizbuch eines Philologen (LTI— Notebook of a Philologist).

1947- 1948— Professor at the University of Greifswald.

1948- 1960— Takes on a professorship at the University of Halle.

1951 — Eva Klemperer dies on July 8.

1951-1954— Professor at the University of Berlin.

1951 — Receives honorary doctorate from the Technical University Dresden.

1952 — Marries Hadwig Kirchner.

CHRONOLOGY

501

1953 — Becomes a member of the German Academy of Sciences in Berlin.

1954 — Geschichte der franzdsischen Liter atur im 18. Jahrhundert, Bd. I: Das Jahrhundert
Voltaires (History of French Literature in the 18th Century, vol I: The Century of
Voltaire) is published.

1956— Publishes Vor 33/Nach45. Gesammelte Aufsdtze (Before 33/After 45. Col-
lected Essays).

I960 — Victor Klemperer dies in Dresden on February 11.

1966 — Geschichte der franzdsischen Literatur im 18. Jahrhundert , Bd. II: Das Jahrhun-
dert Rousseaus (History of French Literature in the 18th Century, vol II: The Cen-
tury of Rousseau).

1989 — Curriculum vitae. Erinnerungen eines Philologen 1881-1918 (Curriculum
Vitae. Memoirs of a Philologist) is published.

1995 — Ich will Zeugnis ablegen bis zum letzten. Tagebucher 1933-1945 (I Will Bear
Witness unto the Last. Diaries 1933-1945) is published.

1996 — Und so ist alles schwankend. Tagebucher Juni bis Dezember 1945 (And so Every-
thing Is in the Balance. Diaries June-December 1945) and Leben sammeln , nicht fra-
gen wozu und warum. Tagebucher 1918-1932 (Collecting Life, Not Asking What For
and Why. Diaries 1918-1932) are published.

INDEX

Abyssinia, 135, 178, 181
Academic Assistance Council,

120

Academic Society for Research into
Jewry, 262

Addison, Joseph, 416
agriculture, 56, 149-50, 185, 230
Ahlwardt, Hermann, 233
Albania, 298, 364, 365
Almeria, 224

American literature, 89, 112, 209, 255,
370

Anhalter Bahnhof, 122, 197
Anti-Comintern Pact, 446
anti-Semitism, xv-xvi, 66, 78, 291,
329-30

in Bavaria, xii
"eliminationist," xvi
German culture and, 72
in Italy, 263, 266-67
propaganda for, 118, 128, 130, 131,
138, 186, 192, 237, 241, 249, 251,

262

Aral Works, 200

Aron, Herr, 268, 276, 279-80

Asch, Sholem, 243

Association to Aid Jewish Emigration,
375

astrology, 198-99
Auerbach, Berthold, 240
Auerbach, Erich, xiii, 175, 178, 230, 238,
243

August Wilhelm, Prince, 81
Aulhom, Edith, 278, 281
Auschwitz concentration camp, vii
Austria, 250, 251, 252, 255, 257, 269,

284

autobahn, 193-94, 207, 230, 232
Avenger, The (Wallace), 242

Bacharach (banker), 242, 247
Baer, Max, 71-72
Baeumler, Alfred, 5
Busier Zeitung, 309
Bastei, 125, 191
"Battle for Work," 70-71
Baum, Dr., 116-17
Baum, Vicki, 8
Bayle, Pierre, 113, 114
Benjamin, Walter, xii
Benno Grammar School, 137
Beresin (cigarette dealer), 226, 303,
452-53

Berger (grocer), 322, 323, 331, 334, 335,
336, 337-38, 341, 350, 365, 376
Bergson, Henri, 380
Berlin, 13B-39, 195, 220-23, 243,

272-74, 278, 280, 341, 353, 355, 356,
361, 363, 380, 424, 440
Berliner Illustrierte, 182, 299
Berliner Tageblatt, 7
Berlin Reform Congregation, viii
Beste, Theodor, 3, 26, 50, 55, 64, 122
Bing, Gertrud, 247

blackout regulations, xv, 306, 307, 309,
310, 312, 314, 317, 318, 372, 373,
375, 376, 378, 391-92, 412
"Blessing at Cohns," 344
Bloch, Helene Freudenheim, 68, 69
Blomberg, Werner von, 132, 161, 250
Blum, L£on, 172, 182
Blumenfeld, Grete, 37, 79, 112, 128, 143,
174

Blumenfeld, Walter, 4, 38, 64, 79, 85,
107, 110, 111, 112, 120, 121, 123,

126, 127, 128, 129, 131, 133, 143,
153, 174, 186, 208, 260
Blut und Boden, 93, 161, 404
Boer War, 27

504

INDEX

Bonheim, Frau, 282, 290, 299, 303
Borne, Ludwig, 240
Boyer, Jean-Baptiste de, 53
Brauchitsch, Walther von, 452
Brecht, Bertolt, 132-33
Breit, Frau, 355-56, 362
Breit, James, 5, 194
Bromfield, Louis, 344, 347
Bruck, Robert, 350

Buchenwald concentration camp, 273,
279, 280, 289, 355, 375
Buck, Pearl, 79, 83, 90, 195, 207, 370
Bulgaria, 303, 335, 3 77
Bund Deutscher Madel (BDM), 137
Burkart, Rosemarie, 130
Buxtehude, Dietrich, 216

Cacouac (Moreau), 145
"Campaign Against Fault Finders and
Grumblers," 64-65
Carlo, Fraulein, 210, 243, 359
Cassirer, Ernst, 61, 123
Catholic Church, 116-17, 128, 130, 144,
163, 164, 173, 224, 236, 249, 261,
291,425

Central Association of German Jews, 40
Central Association of Jewish Citi-
zens, 5

Chalmers, Martin, vii-xxi
Chamberlain, Neville, 251, 268, 315, 335
Chenier, Andre, 399-400
Christmas, 284, 365
Churchill, Winston S., 346, 389, 428,

441

Ciano, Galeazzo, 346, 347
Cione, Edmondo, 178, 195
Columbus, 322
Commune, 113

Communism, xvii, 45, 56, 60, 64, 75, 81,
134, 156, 167, 174, 176, 178, 185,
186, 188, 191, 193, 221, 229, 237,
238

concentration camps, 28, 36, 42, 307,
318, 319, 321, 342, 343, 359, 363,
369, 385-86, 453

Condor Legion, 301
Confessional Church, 113, 304, 308,
318-19, 379, 430,431,436
Confessions (Rousseau), 169
Congress on Research on Jewry, 201
Constantinople, University of, 35, 36,
121

Constitution Day, 82
Cooper, Duff, 336

Corneille, Pierre, xii, 169, 240, 323, 384,
440

Corneille's Ethos (Schneider), 323
Cossack and the Nightingale, The, 130
Creizenach, Wilhelm, 200
Crete, 361, 386, 387
Croce, Benedetto, 178
Crusius, Lotte, 36

Cultural League of German Jews, 189
Curriculum Vitae (Vol. 1) (Klemperer),
x, xiv, xvii, xx, 285, 293-99, 301-5,
311, 314-18, 324, 327, 333
Curriculum Vitae (Vol. 2) (Klemperer),
338, 341, 343, 344, 347, 354, 358,
359, 366, 369, 381, 387, 391, 392,
402, 406, 442
Curtis Brown Ltd., 173
Curtius, Ernst Robert, 123
Czechoslovakia, 255, 257, 259, 263, 266,
268-69, 270, 296, 297, 301, 303, 338,
347

Daladier, fidouard, 270
Dante, 97, 103, 108, 110, 112, 113, 243
"Dante the Stranger" (Klemperer), 243
Danzig, 119, 181, 306
Darre, Walter, 185
Day of German Solidarity, 277-78
de Gandolfo, Lilly Jelski, 191, 192, 193,
198, 204

de Gaulle, Charles, 388
De V economic politique (Rousseau), 180
Delekat, Friedrich, 16, 169, 430-32
"De l'Esprit des Lois" (Montesquieu),
114

Delille, Jacques, 63, 65, 67, 71

INDEX

505

Dember, Agnes, 5, 9-10, 44, 49, 78, 115,
130

Dember, Harry, 5, 9, 15-16, 22, 29, 32,
35,37,51,78, 120

Demuth (Privy Councillor), 123, 247,
277

Deschanel, Paul, 313
Deutsche Biicherei, 188, 267, 405
Deutsche Literatur Zeitung, 71, 72
Deutschland, 224

"Deutschland iiber alles," 409, 418
Diderot, Denis, 46, 137, 139, 140, 149
Discours (Rousseau), 165
Divided House, The (Buck), 195
Divine Comedy, The (Dante), 112
Dollfuss, Engelbert, 53, 76-77, 79, 83
Dolzschen, 27, 123, 158, 209, 210, 229,
247, 277, 310
Don Carlos (Schiller), 91
Dreiser, Theodore, 57
Dresden:

air raid warnings in, 352, 353, 359,
360, 361, 362, 429
Allied bombing of, vii, viii
Jewish population of, vii, 204, 308,
440

Judenhof in, 204
synagogue, 274, 314
Dresdener Anzeiger, 419, 437, 442
Dresdener Neueste Nachrichten, 3, 7, 10,
23, 85, 96, 111, 131, 136, 138, 184,
208, 209, 210, 215-16, 269, 308, 311,
378

Dresden Technical University:
examinations at, 44, 52, 107
Klemperer as professor at, xii-xiii,
xiv, 12, 16, 28-29, 44, 45, 49-50, 64,
101, 107, 119

Klemperer's dismissal from, xii, 107,
108, 119-25, 126, 129, 142, 160, 178
Nazism at, xvii-xviii, 19, 26-27, 40,
55, 64, 66, 69-70, 88-89, 98-99, 107,
111, 117-18, 174

Dressel, Friedrich, 117, 185, 208, 214,
235,259, 273, 274, 350,385
Dreyfuss, Erika Ballin-, 102, 186

East Wind, West Wind (Buck), 90
Economist, 238
Eden, Anthony, 251
education, 85, 116, 127, 212, 228, 414
Eggler, Charlotte Elisabeth "Lilo," 90,
92-93

Eichler, Dr., 320, 322-23
Eighteenth Century (Vol. 1) (Klemperer),
28-35, 37, 43, 44, 46, 53, 59-63, 71,
78, 82, 95, 101, 103, 110, 112, 114,
119, 122, 124, 133, 141, 142, 145,
157,159, 162, 204

Eighteenth Century (Vol. 2) (Klemperer),
165, 169, 180-81, 187, 203, 204, 207,
209, 212-13, 215, 231, 236-37, 239,
243, 251, 252, 257-62, 264, 284, 338,
359, 402

Einstein, Albert, 14
Elbogen, Ismar, 20

Emergency Committee in Aid of Ger-
man Scholars, 120
Emile (Rousseau), 172, 173, 174, 207,

208, 210, 212

Encyclopedic style, 33, 50, 68, 78, 79,

97, 101, 107, 114, 137
Estreicher (Jewish Community offi-
cial), 321, 331-34, 336, 354, 371,

441

Eternal few, 364

"Eternal Jew" exhibition, 241, 298
Europdische Revue, 198

Fallada, Hans, 23, 264
Farewell to Arms, A (Hemingway), 112
Farewell to Yesterday (Kormendy), 249
Fascism, 22-23, 24, 36, 86, 175-76, 184,
352

Feder, Frau, 340, 344, 349, 352
Feder, Hans, 319, 320, 323, 334, 344,

352, 431

Fedem, Karl, 173

Fenelon, Francois de Salignac de La
Mothe-, 216, 217, 224, 225, 228
Fernando, Duke of Alba, 437
Fischer, Frau, 135, 143

506

INDEX

Flight (Nitti), 22-23
Foch, Ferdinand, 344
Fog of DiXbeln, The (Lazar), 111
Fontamara (Silone), 175-76
Fontane, Theodor, 365, 366
Forsyte Saga , The (Galsworthy), 112
Four Journeymen, The, 279
France:

defeat of, 338, 339, 344, 347, 366
Jewish population of, 135, 291, 344
mobilization of, 269, 306
war declared by, 308-9, 313
Franco, Francisco, 184, 200, 301
Franke, Walter, 235
Frankfurter, David, 153, 202
Frankfurter Zeitung, 11, 59, 92, 122, 243,
453

Franz Joseph II, Emperor of Austria, 79
Frederick the Great, King of Prussia,
184, 194, 201, 207, 313, 409, 420
Free Student Association, 124
Freiheitskampf, 8, 74, 76, 207, 210, 312,
315, 329, 397

French Enlightenment, ix, xii, 52, 126
French Revolution, 60, 114, 117, 234, 314
Freud, Sigmund, 262
Friedheim, Dr., 391, 444, 456
Fritsch, Werner von, 132, 250, 314, 323
Furtwangler, Wilhelm, 72

Galen, Clemens August, Count von, 443
Galsworthy, John, 112
Gamelin, Maurice Gustave, 181
Gardens, The (Delille), 63
Garden Show (1936), 161, 166, 170, 183,
184, 195, 226

Gehrig, Professor, 180, 194, 215, 369
German Communist Party (KPD):
banning of, 4

Klemperer as member of, xvii, xviii
propaganda by, 42
suppression of, 75, 128, 132-33
German Democratic Party (DDP), 5
German Folk Studies (Spamer, ed.),

201

German Nationals (Deutschnationale
Volkspartei), 4, 16-17, 53, 56, 89,
101, 169, 183

German-Poland Non- Aggression Pact
(1934), 51-52
German Romanticism, 28
"German roofs," 73, 77, 84, 89, 92
German-Soviet Non- Aggression Pact,
xvii, 305

Germany, East, xvii, xviii
Germany, Nazi:
air force of, 317, 331, 332,

352-53

air raids in, 267-68
art of, 195, 233, 262, 303
balance of payments of, 73
censorship in, 15, 50, 64, 83, 91, 112,
116, 196, 249, 315

compulsory military service in, 116,
186

dictatorship in, 5-6, 13-14, 26, 35,
41-42, 50, 156, 254, 309
economy of, 132, 138, 139, 185, 191,
221, 250, 259, 266
elections in (1933), 5, 39, 40-42
flags of, 98, 108, 133
food shortages in, 135, 137, 183, 298,
301, 308, 316-17, 350, 362
foreign boycott of, 37, 65, 138
Four- Year Plan of, 199
French Revolution compared with,

60. 114. 117. 234. 314
German culture in, 72, 86
mobilization of, 62, 268, 305, 308,

309

monarchists in, 8, 53
as one-party state, 53
plebiscite in (1934), 80, 82-83
plebiscite in (1936), 156, 158
plebiscite in (1938), 253, 256
rationing in, 305, 306, 307, 309, 310,

312. 314

rearmament of, 161, 165, 182, 186,
192, 250, 259, 293, 302
rule of law in, 7, 12, 29, 53, 113, 119,
122, 140, 194

INDEX

507

Soviet alliance of, xvii, 305, 308, 310,
314, 318, 345, 347, 380, 390
stability of, xv, 24-25, 29, 42, 53, 54,
56, 58, 60, 65, 67, 102-3, 110, 116,
136, 144, 167, 189, 195, 204, 207,
213-14, 231, 270
see also Nazism

Germany, Weimar, 53, 111, 186, 207,

210

Germany is Beautiful /, 216
Gerstle, Hans, 6, 33, 35, 37-38, 132, 194,
238

Gerstle, Toni, 37, 198-99
Gess, Felician, 253
Gestapo:

academics investigated by, 255
interrogations by, 278, 355, 383
Jews arrested by, vii, 363, 393, 415,
445, 450

questionnaire from, 311
Gobineau, Joseph- Arthur, Comte de,
375

Goebbels, Joseph, 11
anti-Semitism of, 190, 237, 241, 445
Dresden visited by, 254
as propaganda minister, 8, 76, 109,
117, 198, 253, 311

speeches of, 22, 23, 41, 56, 86, 128,
130, 180, 233, 241, 254, 383, 390,
404, 418-19
Goering, Hermann:

Dresden visited by, 111-12, 113
as Field Marshall, 251
Himmler vs., 299
Hitler and, 429
speeches of, 78, 199, 211, 267
Goethe, Johann Wolfgang von, 46, 265,
390

Goldhagen, Daniel, xv-xvi
Goncharov, Ivan, 381, 383, 390
Good Earth, The (Buck), 79
Gopfert, Arthur, 117, 119
Gotterdammerung (Wagner), 226
Gotthelf, Jeremias, 272
Graf Spee, 322
Grand Hotel, 8

Great Britain:

German attacks against, 310, 331,
334, 335, 337, 346-53, 359, 372, 420
mobilization of, 269, 302, 306, 307
naval blockade by, 317, 318, 319, 322,
327, 329, 330, 342, 386
war declared by, 309, 313
Greece, 361, 362, 377
Green Archer, The (Wallace), 84, 85
Gronemann, Sammy, 385
Gruber, Heinrich, 304, 308, 311, 331,
334; 352, 437

Grynszpan, Herschel, 272, 274, 279,
281, 284

Gumbel, Emil Julius, 36

Gump, Margarete, 269, 289, 290, 297

Giintzel, Frau, 237

Gunzburger, Elsbeth, 28-29, 33, 39,

278, 279

Giirtner (Justice minister), 78
Gustavus Adolphus, King of Sweden,
84

Gustloff, Wilhelm, 175, 181, 202, 211
Gutzkow, Karl, 380

Habanera, 250
habitation thesis, xi
Haeselbarth, Maria, 323, 324, 327, 346,
347, 349, 365

Hannele (Hauptmann), 228
Harden, Maximilian, 262
Harvard University, 167
harvest festival, 135
Hatzfeld, Professor, 123-24, 125, 144,
229, 240

Haubold, Master, 311
Hauptmann, Gerhart, 228
Hebrew language, 15, 57
Hegel, Georg Wilhelm Friedrich, 128
"Heil Hitler!" greeting, 26-27, 51, 55,
69-70, 94, 98, 214, 254, 267, 289,

361, 388, 428
Heine, Anselma, 59
Heintzsche (student), 67, 76
Heiss, Professor, 161

508

INDEX

Hemingway, Ernest, 97, 112
Herder, Johann Gottfried von, 72
Herzl, Theodor, 364
Hess, Rudolf, 306, 382, 384, 385
Hesse, Max Rene, 113
Hessel, Franz, xii
Hessel's Travel Agency, 280-81
Hettner, Hermann, 33
Heydrich, Richard, 437
Hildebrandt, Susi, 113, 119, 135, 144,
154, 177-78

Hildeck, Leonie Meyerhof, 58, 59
Himmler, Heinrich, 279, 285, 292, 299,
308, 335, 418, 429, 437
Hindenburg, Oskar von, 78
Hindenburg, Paul von, 7-8, 11, 22,
79-80, 81, 109, 163, 164, 167
Hirche, Hans, 19, 90, 167
Hirsch, Albert, 12, 203, 269, 289
Hirschel, Herr, 289, 297, 299
Hitler, Adolf:

as anti-intellectual, 199, 261
anti-Semitism of, 35, 138, 190, 208,
237, 293, 309, 375, 450
assassination plots against, 285, 318,
319, 429

astrologer of, 382
birthday of, 215-16, 299
building program of, 138-39, 382
as Chancellor, 4, 5, 22, 29, 30, 41-42,
74,79-80,85, 98, 107,108
displayed portraits of, 163, 167, 180,
232, 315-16, 383
dog of, 143

foreign policy of, 113, 126-27,

155-56, 161, 165, 182, 208, 251-52,
264, 268, 269, 270, 298, 305
as Fiihrer, 33, 35, 37-38, 68, 75, 86,
138, 201, 253, 256, 257
insanity of, 298-99, 429
military strategy of, 322-23, 329,
381-82, 420, 422, 452, 456
Mussolini's meetings with, 71, 91,
238-39

opposition to, 117, 185, 199-200, 254,
256-57

Polish invasion ordered by, 306-7,

309. 312- 13

popular support for, 213-14, 229,

230, 233-34, 237, 253, 336, 351
power consolidated by, 74-75, 78,
80-83, 102-3, 211

speeches of, 5, 11, 14, 18, 26, 41, 70,
74-75, 83, 138, 155, 156, 180,
210-11, 228-29, 230, 237, 238-39,

250. 270. 293. 307. 312- 17, 330, 344,
3 77, 404, 439

Hitler Jugend (Hitler Youth), 88, 103,
113, 166, 169, 188, 352, 380, 424,

442

Hitler's Willing Executioners (Gold-
hagen), xv-xvi
Hoche, Alfred Erich, 114
Hochgemuth (cigar dealer), 388, 417,
422, 426, 430
Holocaust, xv-xvi

see also concentration camps
Holtei, Karl, 234

Hommes de bonne volontt, Les (Ro-
mains), 296, 297, 299, 301, 302
homosexuals, 75, 78, 224
Hood , 386, 387

Horst Wessel Song, 5, 9, 13, 14, 116-17,
377, 409, 418

Hueber, Max, 3, 20, 21, 29, 31, 34, 39,
42, 49, 54, 62, 63, 65, 71, 75, 81,

87

Hugenberg, Alfred, 14
Hungary, 348

Iceland, 417,420, 432

"Idea of Latinity in Germany, The"
(Klemperer), 6

Iduna, 39, 40, 73, 94, 118-19, 124, 126,
158, 160, 168, 200, 203, 207, 227,
228, 260, 280, 281

"Image of France" (Klemperer), 3, 4, 8,
9, 11, 12, 13, 15, 17, 20, 21, 31-32,
46,124

Inventory of Assets of Jews, 260, 279,
281-82

INDEX

509

Isakowitz, Dr., 107, 109, 118, 125, 134,
144, 152, 153, 155, 159-60, 161, 165,
167, 170, 172, 180, 266
Isakowitz, Lore, 28, 40, 49, 57, 119, 159
Italy:

anti-Semitism in, 263, 266-67
Jewish population of, 266-67
mobilization of, 308, 438
neutrality of, 309, 317, 335, 343

Jahn & Jentsch, 99-100
Jakel, Kurt, 60

Janentzky, Christian, 40, 119, 135, 136,
143, 420

Japan, 198, 203-4, 249, 437, 449, 451,
452

Jean- Jacques Rousseau as Musician
Gansen), 1$3, 194
Jehovah's Witnesses, 137
Jelski, Marta, 69, 129, 139, 154, 170-71,
181-84, 185, 194, 197, 204, 211, 222,
227,234, 260, 271, 297
Jelski, Walter, 33, 38, 40, 68, 75, 90, 91,
92-93, 99, 100, 144, 184, 185-86,
190-91, 194, 196-97, 204, 283, 284,
297, 298

Jelski, Willy, 139, 171, 184
Jewish Community, 314, 319, 321, 331,
332, 335, 341, 348, 349, 379, 410,
431, 439, 441, 447
Jewish Cultural League, 433
Jewish Reform Community, 119
Jews:

arrests of, vii, 363, 393, 415, 445, 450
assets of, 260, 279, 281-82, 319, 451
assimilation of, 129
as athletes, 182

bank accounts of, 44, 51, 73, 231
billion-mark fine on, 2 77
boycotts against, 9, 10, 11, 23, 67-68,
130,133

business of, 134, 239, 297
children of, 118, 137,352
conversion of, viii
culture of, 72

curfew for, 277, 311, 312, 340, 341,
361, 431, 451

definition of, 13, 134, 291-92, 450
deportations of, vii, xvi, 440, 442,
443, 446, 447, 448, 449
diaspora of, 208
as doctors, 11, 249, 264, 273
in Dresden, vii, 204, 308, 440
driving restrictions on, 2 77, 279
emigration of, xv, 18, 22, 23-24, 34,
35, 37, 39, 40, 41, 45, 57, 6&-69, 92,
99, 127, 134, 135, 172, 181, 198,
279-80, 330, 424, 451
Final Solution and, xiv
forenames of, 264-65
French, 135, 291, 344
ghetto mentality of, 35, 57, 63, 103,
134

ghettos for, 134, 173, 278, 352
humor of, 405-6
identity card of, 263, 345
as intellectuals, 291
Italian, 266-67
as judges, 8
as lawyers, 8, 11

libraries closed to, 277-78, 280, 284,
359-60, 362, 402

military service of, xi, xiv, xvi, 132,
291,316

"mixed marriages" of, vii, 74, 133,
136, 192

non-Jewish friends of, 278, 374-75,
422-23, 445, 448
Orthodox, 348

persecution of, 134, 175, 181, 188,
272, 274, 285, 293, 305, 364, 424-25,
438

pogroms against, xiv, 8, 9, 65, 103,
128, 130, 134, 268, 272, 289, 305,
310, 324,417
Polish, 352
pro-Nazi, 139, 189
purification rites of, 75
rationing for, 312, 321, 322, 323, 326,
327, 328, 334, 342, 354, 360, 362,
365, 387, 410, 421, 423

510

INDEX

Jews (cont'd):

restrictions on, xiv-xvi, 4, 5, 8, 10, 11,
15, 35, 74, 98, 127, 133, 165, 192,
237, 264, 2 77, 278, 345, 354-55, 358,

364. 417. 423. 451
Russian, 266

Star of David worn by, vii, xv, xvi,
429, 431, 432, 433, 434, 435, 436,
437, 438, 439, 442, 444, 445, 447,
452, 456

as students, 10, 40, 57
synagogues of, 266, 274, 277
taxation of, 45, 98, 127, 173, 175, 199,
200, 213, 216, 242, 282, 295, 300,
304-5, 310, 316, 318, 319, 357, 360,

369. 374. 3 77. 451
as teachers, 10

telephone service denied to, 319,
350-51, 352, 451

tobacco denied to, 426, 430, 432-33,
438-39, 441
trials of, 240

typewriters confiscated from, 354-
55, 424, 426, 441, 442
yellow armbands worn by, 354, 429
Jews' House:

conditions in, 343, 349, 352, 371, 3 77,
379, 428, 454, 455

Jewish community in, xv, 301, 340,
342,363-64

Klemperer's move to, xv, 321,
333-34, 335, 339-43, 366
Jud Suss, 364

Joseph and His Brothers (Mann), 51, 52
Judische Nachrichtenblatt, 291, 292, 294
Julie, ou la Nouvelle Heloise (Rousseau),
175, 212

Kalix, Mayor, 158, 209, 210, 229
Kant, Immanuel, 414
Kapp Putsch, xii, 74
Katz, Richard, 342, 345, 349, 351, 454
Kaufmann, Edgar, 35, 40-41, 68,
129-30, 135, 143, 225
Keitel, Wilhelm, 452

Kiepura, Jan, 20, 71, 111, 136, 187
Killinger, Manfred von, 7
Kleinstiick, Dr., 153, 169
Kleist Society, 21

Klemperer, Anny, 354, 357, 358, 442
Klemperer, Berthold (brother), viii, 19,
196, 260

Klemperer, Betty, 154, 164, 176, 201,

208, 227, 354

Klemperer, Eva Schlemmer (wife):
ancestry of, 84
in car accident, 273-74
death of, xviii

dental work of, 109, 110, 119, 120,

125, 179-80, 228, 236, 238, 320
gardening by, 59, 60-63, 65, 67, 118,
124, 126, 155

health of, xiii, 11, 32, 83, 196, 213,

239, 240, 363, 365, 370, 383-84
at house-raising ceremony, 84-85
Klemperer's imprisonment and,
410-11

Klemperer's marriage to, ix-x, 164,
193, 234, 260, 372, 410-11, 416
as musician, ix, 33, 58, 103, 411
nervous disorders of, xiii, 8, 13, 14-
15, 16,‘ 17, 34, 43-46, 51, 107, 139-^0
as non-Jewish wife, vii, 279, 355
photograph of, vi
resistance by, 257, 363
Klemperer, Felix (brother), viii, 93, 94,
164, 195, 196

Klemperer, Georg (brother), viii, xv, 16,
18, 36, 50-51, 52, 68, 94, 97, 120,
123-28, 136, 142, 154, 156, 166, 167,
200, 204, 208, 215, 228, 234, 257,
309, 335, 354, 359, 369, 378
financial assistance of, 200, 203, 204,
216, 231, 239, 267, 269, 271, 297,
380, 384, 387, 392-93, 430, 433, 437,
438, 447, 450, 456
Klemperer's emigration and, 276,
277, 278, 280, 282, 292, 299, 370,
376, 378, 381, 448
retirement of, 167, 195
Klemperer, Georg E. (nephew), 284

INDEX

511

Klemperer, Grete (sister), see Riesen-
feld, Grete
Klemperer, Ilse, 195
Klemperer, Kurt (nephew), 154, 195
Klemperer, Maria, 239
Klemperer, Marta (sister), see Jelski,
Marta

Klemperer, Otto (cousin), viii, 20, 72,
124, 290,378
Klemperer, Victor:
aneurysm of, 272-74
anti-Semitism experienced by, 152,
153, 158, 190, 191, 192, 193, 194,
224, 227-28, 233, 252, 260, 272, 307,
350, 442

arrests of, 275-76, 357
assets of, 260, 279, 281-82, 283, 297,
311, 319, 375

bank account of, 21, 312, 313, 321,
331,380,447
birth of, viii, 220
in book censorship office, xi, 437
car accident of, 272, 273-74, 434
childhood of, viii, 233
as childless, 260

cinema enjoyed by, xiii, 7, 8, 10, 19,
52, 71, 111, 130, 136, 164, 172, 173,
176, 187, 189, 211, 229, 230, 233,
238-39, 241, 249-50, 279
civil service oath taken by, 85, 98-99,
165

clothing of, 349, 355, 362, 371, 373
conversion of, viii, x
correspondence of, 32, 122, 145, 225,
243, 283, 363

curriculum vitae of, 247-48, 356, 358
death as viewed by, 5, 6, 19, 138, 213
death of, xviii

depressions of, 55, 82, 108, 109, 124,
134, 140, 142, 156, 199, 209, 228,

240, 386

Dresden apartment of, 11, 18, 89
driver's license of, 142, 279, 289, 296,
374

driving excursions of, 162-64, 171,
176-77, 179, 187-89, 191, 193-94,

214-23, 225, 234-35, 254, 255-56,
257, 263, 264, 267-72
driving lessons of, xiv, xx, 89, 140,
141-42, 149-52, 160, 195, 204,
260-61

education of, viii, ix, x-xi
emigration sought by, 272, 276-85,
334, 335, 363-64, 370, 376, 378,
388-89, 424, 442-43, 447, 448, 451
escape of, vii, viii

eye problems of, 31, 32, 33, 56, 78, 97,
124, 130, 136, 208, 214, 260
fatalism of, 73, 81, 108, 109-10, 134,
160, 207, 235, 256, 257
finances of, xv, 16, 17, 21, 24, 27, 32,
33, 38, 39, 59-60, 87, 95, 108,

118-19, 122, 136, 168, 181, 186-87,
189-90, 199, 204, 213, 231, 355,

387

foreign post sought by, 115, 120, 121,
130, 160, 167, 198, 20^4, 437
French vs. German culture as
viewed by, xii-xiii
garden of, 39, 59, 60-67, 73, 77-78,
100, 103, 118, 155, 190, 224, 227-28,
229, 231

German identity of, xiv, xv, xvi-xvii,
9, 52, 63, 68, 123, 124, 129, 134, 198,
234, 239-40, 248, 251, 264, 272, 347,
385

health of, xiii, 6, 19, 42, 60, 83, 90,

117, 201-2

house arrests of, 358, 364, 453, 454
house owned by, xiv-xviii, 11, 12, 21,
24, 28, 32, 35, 38-42, 46, 51, 54, 58,
61-62, 73, 77, 81, 83, 86-96, 109,
118-19, 124, 128, 131, 164, 181,
186-87, 207, 260, 281-82, 294, 311,
372-79, 450

house rented from, 321-24, 327, 328,
331-32, 334-37, 350, 356-57, 358,

365

house searches of, 256, 275-76, 311,
315, 447-48, 452

identity card of, 263, 279, 283, 296,

378, 392, 393, 397

512

INDEX

Klemperer, Victor (cont'd):
imprisonment of, xv, 378, 379-80,

389, 390, 391-416, 417, 422, 426
Jewish forename assigned to,

264-65, 294, 296, 319, 380
Jewish identity of, vii, viii, xiv-xvi,

11, 134, 152, 382, 397
journalism of, x, xii, 6, 24, 27, 40, 72,
115, 217, 319

land owned by, 6, 15, 16, 24, 34, 74,

81, 89, 281, 282, 312
lectures of, x, xiii, xiv, 4, 16, 19, 26,

40, 43, 51, 57-58, 61, 64, 67, 76, 97,
98, 99, 103, 108, 110, 119, 124
libraries closed to, 277-78, 280, 284,
359-60, 362, 402

library of, 94, 95, 200, 242, 315, 341
life insurance of, 21, 24, 73, 94, 107,
110, 118-19, 120, 124, 126, 142, 152,
158, 160, 171, 190, 199, 200, 203,

207, 213, 216, 227, 228, 231, 247,

252, 256, 260, 269, 280, 281
litigation by, 18, 20, 21-22, 27, 75, 81,
87

loans obtained by, 28, 39, 40, 46, 62,
73, 120, 124, 126, 128, 142, 154
lottery won by, 256
memoirs planned by, x, xi, xiv, xvii,
xix, xx, 17, 27,29, 37,59, 89,91,

145, 167, 172, 186, 198, 207, 215,
218, 228, 242, 255, 271, 280, 369
military service of, xi, xiv, xvi, 12,
29-30, 32, 90, 93, 121-22, 128, 140,
141, 161, 347, 349, 357, 446, 447
"mixed marriage" of, vii, 74, 321, 392
mortgage of, 62, 63-64, 73, 85, 142,
173, 190, 191, 192, 227, 252, 256,
260, 269, 278, 282, 321, 387
musical interests of, 30, 58, 76, 108,
111, 216,226

papers of, 90, 336, 338-39, 447-48
pension of, xiv, 108, 120, 129-30, 136,
140, 141, 142, 149, 157, 161, 168,
213, 216, 269, 282, 285, 294, 316,
319, 332, 335, 357, 3 77, 433
photograph of, vi

postwar life of, xvi-xviii
as Protestant, viii, x, 194, 304-5, 308,
314, 397

publication of, 20, 21, 22, 31, 39, 46,

55, 56, 120-21, 138, 162, 173, 175,
181, 195-96, 198, 204, 215, 217,
226-27, 231, 240, 252, 279, 284, 285
reading by, 22-23, 46, 49, 51, 52, 57,

79, 82, 83, 84, 90, 239, 241, 243, 264,
290, 296, 335, 344, 359, 381, 390
religious faith of, 25, 46, 73, 144, 236,
407, 408

resistance by, 38, 41-42, 57-58, 241,
254, 443-44, 456

salary of, 16, 38, 112, 120, 130, 140, 141
as scholar, ix-xiii, xiv, xvii, xviii, xx,
24, 38, 59, 115, 120, 137-38, 173,
240-41, 257-58, 271, 333, 338, 375
social isolation of, xiii, 133, 153, 161,
162, 166, 190, 202, 204, 212, 214,
234, 242, 251, 263, 266, 302, 330
typewriters used by, 120-28, 131,

136, 137-38, 140, 141, 143, 149, 155,
160, 164, 190, 295, 365, 369, 371,
401-2, 424, 426, 441, 442, 454
war expected by, 200, 207, 208, 211,
267-68, 269, 284, 299, 302, 303
wedding ring of, 92-93
Klemperer, Victor, diary of:
abridgment of, xx-xxi
in autobiography, xi, xix
commencement of, ix
danger of, 37, 256, 263, 385
German title of, xvi, xx
hiding of, 350, 426, 447-48
honesty of, xix-xx
literary quality of, xix-xx
preservation of, 20
publication of, xiii, xvi, xvii, xviii, xix
self-censorship in, xix, xx
time given to, 266, 364
translation of, xx-xxi
typing of, 164, 223
usefulness of, 27

Klemperer, Wally (sister), see Sussman,
Wally

INDEX

513

Klemperer, Wilhelm (father), viii, x-xi,
7, 52-53, 93, 119, 128, 154, 189, 228,
234, 265, 271, 294, 328, 372
Klemperer, Wolfgang (nephew), 94,
176, 201, 208

Kohler, Annemarie, 3, 9, 13, 16-17, 51,
54, 108, 127, 145, 161-66, 185, 208,
214-15, 234, 235, 259, 265, 279, 293,
296, 335-39, 359, 372, 385, 417, 439,
445

Kohler, Ellen, 3, 9, 32, 171-72
Kohler, Johannes, 3, 9, 32, 56, 64, 161,
162, 168, 171, 242, 247, 249
Kopke, Fritz, 3

Kraft durch Freude (KDF), 178-79, 183,
243

Krasnow, Pjotr Nikolajewich, 370
Kreidl, Ida, 342, 345, 346, 371, 372, 432,
435

Kreidl, Paul, Jr., 418, 441^42, 443, 451,
454-55

Kreidl, Paul, Sr., 342, 343, 345, 346, 347,
351, 381, 383, 390, 444, 445, 446, 453
Kreuzkirche, 16, 398, 400
Kriek, Ernst, 5
Kristallnacht, xiv, 272, 274
Kroll Opera House, 156, 211, 250, 299
Kruger, Johanna, 203, 214, 269, 293
Kube, Maria, 5, 261, 425
Kuhn, Frau, 4-5, 135, 143, 194, 445
Kuhn, Johannes, xvii, 29, 56, 72, 80-81,
122, 184, 194, 201, 208, 420, 431-32

Labor Service, 54, 55, 64, 70-71, 225,
235, 257, 341, 342, 362, 424
Land Registry, 332, 334, 335
Landsberg, Ida Bussy, 195
Landsberg an der Warthe, 217, 218-20,
233

Lange (carpenter), 149, 152, 155, 158,
160, 162, 179, 187, 200, 203, 207,
270

Lanson, Gustave, 231
Law for Restoration of the Professional
Civil Service, 62, 119, 122, 212

"Law of January 30," 53
Lazar, Maria, 111, 112, 116
League of Nations, 38, 119, 156, 178,
251, 437

League of Non- Aryan Christians, 437
Lehmann, Frau, 16, 31, 94, 199, 202,
203, 223, 252, 257, 260, 263, 284,
290

Leipzig, xi, 61, 277
Leipzig University, 8
Lenin, V. I., xviii
Lerch, Sonja, 410-11
Lessing, Gotthold Ephraim, 135, 230
Lettres juives, Les (Boyer), 53
Lettres provinciates (Pascal), 98
Levy, Sylvain, 33
Lewald, Fanny, 238, 239^40
Lewis, Sinclair, 49
Liberalism, 240, 249
Liebermann, Max, 111
limpieza de sangre, 14
Lippe-Biesterfeld, Bernhard, Prince of,
389

Little Man-What Now? (Fallada), 23
Little Yankee , 280, 282
Litvinov, Maksim Maksimovich, 172
Livingstone, Miss, 281, 285, 292, 437
Locarno Treaty, 155
Loeben, Herr von, 435
"Loss of Duties" law, 122
Lowenstein & Hecht, 30
Liicke, Theodor, 359
Ludwig, Emil, 315
Luftwaffe, 317, 331, 332, 352-53
Luthe (driving instructor), 142, 149-52,
157

Luther, Martin, 86
Lutze, Viktor, 107, 211

Machiavelli, Niccolo, 185, 306, 308
Machol, Heinz, 139, 221, 297, 332, 380
"Mad Professor, The" (Sudermann),

375

Mamroth, Fedor, 93
Manacorda, Guido, 243, 351

514

INDEX

Manchester Guardian , 293
Mann, Thomas, 51, 52, 204, 221, 223
Marie Antoinette (Zweig), 46
Martin du Gard, Roger, 302
Marx, Karl, viii
Maskerade, 230
Maurois, Andre, 332
Mauthner, Fritz, 203
Mazzini, Giuseppe, 380
Mehnert, Gottreich, 383-84
Meincke (auto dealer), 374, 376, 3 77
Mein Kampf (Hitler), 77
Mendelssohn, Felix, viii
Mey, Anna, 144, 187
Meyer, Helene, 182
Meyer, Mrs., 282-83, 285, 292, 293
Meyerhof, Berthold, 144, 202, 242, 248,
260, 261, 298, 383

Meyerhof, Hans, xii, 13, 58, 59, 62, 66,
193, 195, 371, 400

Meyerhof, Lissy, 19, 193, 260, 290-91,
298, 362, 363, 365, 371, 380, 382-83,
418, 435, 439, 446, 447
Michael (mechanic), 154, 157, 159, 167,
185, 211, 217
Michaelis, Karen, 36, 111
"Michel/' 30
Milch, Erhard, 197
Mimesis (Auerbach), xiii
Modem Philologists' Congress, 135, 143
Molotov, V. M., 314, 318, 362, 419
Monglond, Andre, 231, 233, 234, 236
Montaigne, Michel Ey quern de, 407
Montesquieu, Charles-Louis de Secon-
dat, Baron de La Brede et de, xi,
xii, 72, 80, 90, 114, 124, 126, 127,
129, 272

Moral, Judge, 282, 285, 295-96, 299,
300, 301, 305, 310, 312, 315, 328,
340, 342

Mother's Sons, 250
Miihlbach, Georg, 36
Miihsam, Erich, 36-37, 76
Miinchener Neueste Nachrichten, 118
Muncker, Franz, 203
Munich, 117, 221

Munich Agreement, 269, 270, 276
Munich Councils Republic, xii, 76
Munich putsch (1923), 133
Munich University, ix
Mussolini, Benito:

anti-Semitism of, 266-67

Fascist dictatorship of, 22-23, 24, 36,

86. 175. 352

foreign policy of, 178, 181
Hitler's meetings with, 71, 91,

238-39

military strategy of, 335, 337, 339
speeches of, 238-39, 362, 377, 380
Mutschmann, Martin, 55, 116, 119, 127,

169. 195. 352

My Heart Is Calling (film). 111

Naples, University of, xi
Napoleon I, Emperor of France, 156,
335, 336, 382, 409

Napoleon III, Emperor of France, 182
Nathan the Wise (Lessing), 230 -
National Association of Jews, 304-5,
308, 318, 431, 446, 447
N ationalsozialistische Volkswohlfart
(NSV), 428

Natscheff (librarian), 185, 254, 296, 308,
313, 319, 323, 327-28, 330, 335, 336,
362, 363

Naumann, Max, 139
Nazism:

atrocities of, 12, 17, 28, 36, 100
censorship by, 38

communism vs., xvii, 45, 56, 60, 64,
75, 81, 134, 156, 167, 174, 176, 178,
185, 186, 188, 191, 193, 221, 229,
237, 238

at Dresden Technical University,
xvii-xviii, 19, 26-27, 40, 55, 64, 66,
69-70, 88-89, 98-99, 107, 111,
117-18, 174

Fascism vs., 175-76, 184
fear of, 14, 30-31, 69-70, 80, 88, 112,
113, 263, 305-6
festivals of, 135, 156, 261

INDEX

515

intellectual supporters of, xvii-xviii,
184, 237, 258
jokes about, 375

language of, xiv, xvii, xix, xx-xxi, 22,
23, 43, 70, 72, 77-79, 85-87, 93, 96,
101, 107, 132, 137, 145, 178, 1%, 198,
201, 202, 207-10, 216, 228, 248, 255,
258, 292, 293, 303, 306, 317, 318, 321,
359, 364, 366, 370, 375, 378, 379, 380,
389, 402-5, 421, 422, 423, 427, 431,
436-37, 439, 442^44, 450-53
loyalty oaths of, 85, 98-99, 165, 210
membership of, 137
months renamed by, 114
party cells of, 13, 19, 21
propaganda by, 5, 14, 41-42, 82, 86,
182-83, 192-93, 203, 248, 249-50
racial theory of, 370
rallies of, 5, 11, 14, 33, 34, 55, 181,

190, 237, 238-39
swastika symbol of, 5, 234
theatricality of, 258-59
Zionism vs., 68-69, 118, 199, 289,

292, 319, 340, 391

Neumann, John, 438-39, 443-44, 448
Neurath, Konstantin, Baron von, 437
"New Spain, The" (Klemperer), 6
News Review, 285, 293
Night of the Long Knives, 74, 75, 78,
80,83

Nitzsche & Co., 73
Norway, 332, 334, 335, 343
Notgemeinschaft deutscher Wissen-
schaftler im Ausland, 120
Nowojski, Walter, xx
Niimberg, 266

Niimberg Laws, 133, 136, 437
Niimberg rally (1933), 33, 34

Oberammergau, 143
Oberfohren, Ernst, 14
Oblomov (Goncharov), 381, 383
Ohlmann, Klaus, 270
Ohlmann, Trude, 88, 99, 178-79, 187,
188-89, 200, 255, 267-68, 277, 304

Organization of Nazi Christians, 38
Oxford University, 115, 121, 123

Paleologue, Maurice, 335, 336
Palestine:

capitalism in, 23, 92
Jewish emigration to, 18, 23-24, 34,
40, 57, 68-69, 92, 99, 134, 279,

330

Papen, Franz von, 78
Papesch, Irene, 133, 144, 174, 183
Pascal, Blaise, 98
Paul, Frau, 417-18, 427, 429, 448
Paul, Hermann, 203
Peasants, The (Reymont), 129
"Persian Letters" (Montesquieu), 90
Petain, Philippe, 420
Pflugk, Professor von, 97, 130, 136, 254,
274

Phenomenology (Hegel), 128
Pierre Corneille (Klemperer), 169, 240,
323, 384, 440

Pionkowski, Siegfried, 354
Poetry and Truth (Goethe), 390
Poland:

German invasion of, xiv, 300, 301,
302, 303, 304, 305, 306-9, 310, 311,
312-13, 338

Jewish population of, 352
partition of, 313, 314, 315, 382
Polish Corridor, 51-52, 155, 255, 306
Ponten, Josef, 400
Poor Student, The, 202
Popular Front, 183, 184, 187
Pourtal&s, Guy de, 312
Preuss, Hugo, 53
Prien, Gunther, 386
Pringsheim, Klaus, 204
prisons, 117, 137, 391^416
Proof of Ancestry, 441
Protestantism, viii, x, 82, 133, 194, 197,
249,291

Proud Heart (Buck), 370
Puberty as a Conflict Situation (Blumen-
feld), 131, 143

516

INDEX

Public Information Office for Emi-
grants, 276-77

Public Prosecutor's Office, 275-76
"Pucelle d'Orteans, La" (Voltaire), 90

Quakers, 281, 285
Quelle & Meyer, 21
Querschnitt, 196

Quevedo y Villegas, Francisco G6mez
de, 128

Raab, Professor, 4, 183, 191
Radetzky March (Roth), 112
radio broadcasts, 87, 108, 139, 140, 192,
208, 222, 223, 256-57, 267, 268, 298,
300, 310, 322, 323, 326-29, 332, 347
Radke (constable), 284
Rains Came, The (Bromfield), 344, 347
Rathenau, Walther, 26, 262
Reich Education Ministry, 85, 116, 127
Reichenau, Walther von, 81, 132
Reichenbach (lawyer), 355, 358, 362,
363, 369, 375, 376, 388, 441
Reich Flight Property Tax, 45, 127, 242
Reichstag, 5, 53, 133, 156, 210, 211, 250,
299, 449

Reichstag fire, 5

Reichswehr, 16, 19, 79, 80, 81, 83,
102-3, 108, 132, 135
Reich Theater Week, 70
Reka department store, 239, 316
Renaissance and Rococo (Frenzel), 52-53
Renner's department store, 201
Retif de la Bretonne, 284
Reuther, Oskar, 3

Reymont, Wladyslaw Stanislaw, 129
Reynaud, Paul, 339
Rhineland, 155-56, 428
Ribbentrop, Joachim von, 306, 314,

390

Richter, Martin, 311, 319, 435
Rienzo, Cola di, 74
Riesenfeld, Grete, 61-63, 129, 201,
217-21, 227, 228, 232-37, 253-55,

263, 264, 270-72, 304, 306, 312, 314,
319, 332, 341, 342, 357-59, 433
Riesengebirge, 234, 243
Robespierre, Maximilien-Franqois-
Marie-Isidore de, 117
Rohm, Ernst, 71, 74, 75, 80, 81, 83, 283
Romains, Jules, 296, 297, 299, 301,. 302
Romania, 247, 348, 335-36, 352, 418,

419

Romanische Sonderart (Klemperer),
225-26

Roosevelt, Franklin D., 269, 299, 361,
389, 450

Rosenberg, Alfred, 190

Rosenberg, Kurt, 58

Rosenkranz, Karl, 137

Roth, Fraulein, 199, 278, 315

Roth, Joseph, 112

Roth, Katharina, 259

Rousseau, Jean-Jacques, xii, xviii, 87,

90, 145, 165-74, 175, 180, 187, 189-
95, 199-212, 230, 243, 403, 404, 406
Rudiger, Gertrud von, 16, 69, 143
Ruhr occupation, 207
Rust, Bernhard, 70, 107, 118, 431

Saar Plebiscite, 100, 102, 108, 109, 115
St. Bartholomew's Eve, 285
Saint-Simon, Louis de Rouvroy, Due
de, 224, 225, 228

Salzburg, Friedrich, 10, 90-91, 277
Sandel (broker), 17, 18, 20, 21-22, 27
San Francisco, 211
Sayers, Dorothy L., 255
Schacht, Hjalmar, 241
Schaps, Jenny, 6, 37, 144, 170, 225, 238,
242, 260

Scherk, Trude, 306, 341, 357, 358
Schemer, Hans, 19, 67, 232, 235
Schiller, Friedrich von, 91, 96
Schirach, Baldur von, 253, 423
Schlageter, Albert Leo, 163
Schmidt (Dolzschen neighbor), 27, 310
Schneider, Reinhold, 323
Schnitzler, Arthur, 183

INDEX

517

Scholze, Agnes, 162, 163-64, 217
Scholze, Michel, 163, 217, 323
Schrell, Inspector, 22
Schulze, Theodor, 208
Schutzstaffel (SS), 75, 103, 108, 158,
178, 292, 382, 385-86, 428, 452
Sebba, Elfriede, 229-30
Sebba, Julius, 17, 23-24, 34, 35, 57, 121,
122, 132, 229
Sebba, Kathe, 249
Sebba, Liesel, 3, 229
Sebba, Martin, 249
Sebba, Max, 302, 303
Sebba, Sebi, 290
Seldte, Franz, 139
Seliksohn, Herr, 451
Show Boat , 238
Silone, Ignazio, 175-76
Sinclair, Upton, 378
Skylarking, 189

"Social Contract, The" (Rousseau), 162,
165, 181, 202, 203, 207, 404
Society for the Protection of Science
and Learning, 247
Somaliland, 351
Song for You, A, 71
Sons (Buck), 83
Sousa, John Philip, 30
Soviet Union:

German alliance with, xvii, 305, 308,
310, 314, 318, 345, 347, 380, 390
German invasion of, 393, 416-17,

418, 421, 423, 425-27, 429, 432, 434,
436, 439, 440-41, 442, 447, 452, 455
Sozialistische Monatshefte, 275
Spamer, Professor, 65, 93, 143, 201, 218
Spanish Civil War, 181, 182-83, 184, 185,
186, 187, 189, 200, 210, 224, 249, 301
Spanish Morocco, 208
Spielhagen, Friedrich, x-xi
Spiero, Heinrich, 292
Spinoza, Baruch, 72
Spitzer, Leo, xiii, 120, 130, 175, 178, 230
Stahlhelm, 9, 14, 16, 28, 52, 130, 139,

177, 317

Stahlhelm revolt (1933), 9

Stalin, Joseph, 191, 295, 306, 322, 419, 420
Stampa , 327

stamp collecting, 222, 338
State Library, 29, 31, 34, 36, 69, 89, 114,
128, 145, 194, 239, 257, 315
Stechlin, Der (Fontane), 365, 366
Steinhardt, Otti, 290-91
Stepun, Fedor, 28, 120, 121-22, 143,

169, 419-20
Stem, Caroli, 446
Steme, Laurence, 52
Stoecker, Adolf, 233
Strasser, Gregor, 41
Strasser, Otto, 41
Streicher, Julius, 186, 266
Stresa Front, 119
Strindberg, Maria, 162
Stiibel, Major, 276-77
Student House, 10, 15
Students of Lyons (Ponten), 400
Stuka dive bombers, 317
Sturmabteilung (SA), 7, 11, 14, 19, 27,

33, 50, 56, 62, 70, 71, 75, 81, 102,

107, 125, 178, 210, 219, 265, 277,

289, 326, 329

Sturmer, 118, 130, 131, 138, 140, 143,

163, 166, 189, 192, 218, 233, 237,

252, 263, 292

Sudermann, Hermann, 270, 375
Sudeten Deutsche Partei, 262
Sudetenland, 263, 266, 268, 270
Supreme Court of the Reich, 74
Sussman, Hilde, 36, 196-97
Sussman, Kate, 36, 271, 354, 379
Sussman, Lotte, 36, 68, 139, 196, 197,

271, 354, 387

Sussman, Martin, 61, 197, 201, 216, 217,
221, 222, 225, 270-73, 283, 297, 354,
359, 403, 442, 451

Sussman, Wally, 190-91, 194, 196-97,

228, 260

Switzerland, 198, 346, 387

Tanneberg, Trustee, 191-92
Tauber, Richard, 226

518

INDEX

taxes:

church, 199, 304-5, 318, 357, 360, 431

income, 310, 360,430, 433

for Jews, 45, 98, 127, 173, 175, 199,

200, 213, 216, 242, 282, 295, 300,
304-5, 310, 316, 318, 319, 357, 360,
369, 374, 3 77, 451

property, 45, 98, 127, 173, 175, 242,
281, 282, 379

Teubner, 21, 55, 56, 58, 131
Theater der Welt, 231
Theissig, Eva, 19, 26
Theresienstadt concentration camp,
vii

Thibault, Les (Martin du Gard), 302
Thiele, Fritz, 4

Thieme, Johannes, 6-7, 16, 129, 217-18
Thyssen, Fritz, 420
Tietz department store, 52
Tillich, Paul, 121, 125, 198
Timandara (Wilbrandt), 27
Titan, The (Dreiser), 57
Tocqueville, Alexis de, 314
Tolstoy, Leo, 264
To New Shores, 241
Torah, 134
trade unions, 56, 135
Trefftz, Professor, 209
Triple Alliance, 175, 341-42, 3 77, 380,
449

Trotsky, Leon, 295

U-boats, 310, 311, 316, 317, 359, 432
Ukraine, 382

Ulich, Robert, 36, 69, 121, 125, 130, 207
Und noch ist alles schwankend (Klem-
perer), xvi
Uruguay, 191

van Thiegham, Professor, 240-41
Verlaine, Paul, 399-400
Victor and Victoria, 52
Vida del Buscon (Quevedo), 128
Vita Nova Verlag, 121, 124

Vogel (grocer), 210, 221, 252, 257-58,
263, 266, 303, 308, 311, 314, 322,

323, 324, 346, 350
Voice of the Heart, The, 238
Volk im Werden, 85
Volkische Beobachter, 237
Volkmann, E. O., 445
Volkswagenwerk, 259
Voltaire, ix, xii, xvii, xviii, 75, 78, 80,
81-82, 85, 87, 90, 95, 96, 97, 98, 100,
101, 103, 124, 154, 160, 175, 257,
262, 272

Voss, Kate, 333, 334, 336, 340-44, 347,
350-56, 363, 364, 369, 379, 383,
388, 428-29, 434, 439, 444-45,

455

Vossler, Karl, xi, xii, 46, 56, 102, 120,
129, 238, 243, 257

Wagner, Richard, 226
Wallace, Edgar, 84, 85, 242, 243
Walzel, Professor, 21, 28, 120
Wandering Folk, 279
Wandervogel, 380
War and Peace (Tolstoy), 264
Warburg Institute, 247
Warsaw Citadel, The, 241
Wars of Liberation, 296, 447
Wassermann, Jakob, 112
Wehrmacht, 80, 437
Weimar Constitution, 210
Weinstein (cigarette dealer), 248, 266
Weissberger, Arnold, 115, 121
Wellington (Liicke), 359
Wends, 162, 163-64, 173, 217, 323
Wengler, Ellen, 73, 84, 85, 88, 89, 144,
173, 174, 278

Wengler, Heinrich, 4, 19, 36, 44, 64, 67,
73, 115, 125, 142, 144, 174, 184, 212,
278

Wessely, Paula, 230
Wiechmann, Martha, 8-9, 19, 156, 161,
191-92, 229

Wieghardt, Auguste Lazar, ix, 10, 15,
36, 40, 45, 51, 78, 90, 107, 111, 114,

INDEX

519

116, 132-33, 135, 144, 173, 176, 177,
179, 294-300, 399

Wieghardt, Karl, 15, 21, 40, 66, 74, 88,
137, 144, 173, 179, 385
Wigman, Mary, 198
Wilbrandt, Robert, 27, 35-36, 224, 226,
227, 231, 323

Wilhelm I, Emperor of Germany,
253-54

Wilhelm II, Emperor of Germany, 161,
175, 389

William Tell (Schiller), 96
Winkler, Ursula, 113, 135, 144, 154, 156
Winter Aid, 38, 56, 98, 101-2, 109-10,
319, 321, 330, 331, 334, 427, 439
Winter Olympics (1936), 153, 173, 175,
181, 182-83, 185

"With Burning Sorrow" encyclical, 221
Wolf (mechanic), 217, 223, 235, 259,

265, 268, 270, 274
Wolf, Karl, 5
Wolff, Theodor, 74
Wolf unter Wolfen (Fallada), 264
Wollf, Julius Ferdinand, 10
World War I, xi, 30, 305, 356
World War II:
length of, 309, 314, 316

military bulletins on, 421-22, 423,
426-27, 436
outbreak of, 308-9
U.S. intervention in, 342, 343, 344,
371-72, 376, 417, 419, 420, 432, 449,
450

Western front in, 309
Wurttemberg, 361, 363

Young Germany, 240, 380
Young Italy, 380
Yugoslavia, 380

Zaire (Voltaire), 160
Zaunick, Professor, 226
Zeiss-Ikon, 424, 432, 444-45, 447
Zeller, Magnus, 385
Zentner, Kurt, 182
Zentrum, 5, 16, 24

Zionism, 68-69, 78, 118, 134, 199, 289,
292, 319, 340, 391, 450, 451
Zomer, Mayor, 210, 226, 229
Zweig, Arnold, 451
Zweig, Stefan, 46

ABOUT THE TYPE

The text of this book was set in Palatino, designed by the German
typographer Hermann Zapf. It was named after the Renaissance
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Memoir/History

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“One of the great testimonies of our century. . . . Klemperer’s ability to
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“What kis been called one of the most remarkable documents to come
out of tne Second World War turns out to be one of the most compul-
sively readable books of the year.” — The San Diego Union Tribune

MARCH 10, 1933 — “January 30: Hitler Chancellor. What, up to
election, I called terror, was a mild prelude. On Saturday I heard a
part of Hitler s speech from Konigsberg. The front of a hotel at the
railway station, illuminated, a torchlight procession. ... I under-
stood only occasional words. But the tone! The unctuous bawling,
truly bawling, of a priest.” Struggling to complete his ambitious his-
tory of eighteenth-century France, Victor Klemperer loses his pro-
fessorship, then his car, his phone, his house, even his typewriter,
under the ever-tightening Nazi grip. Not since the diary of Anne
Frank has a secret journal burst onto the scene with such mesmeriz-
ing urgency. I Will Bear Witness is a testament of rare eloquence and
humanity by the most astute witness ever to emerge from Hitler’s
Germany. It is a work of literature as well as a revelation of the day-

by-day terror of the Nazi years.

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“For the nelct generation of historians, Klemperer’s diaries will be re-
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“To read his almost day- by-day account is a hypnotic experience; the
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Cover design: Gabrielle Bordwin
Cover photographs: manuscript: Harf
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Spine photograph: Courtesy Dr. Hadwig
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